3,85 €
Mehr erfahren.
- Herausgeber: WS
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
Do you want to know how a Singularity will affect you?
21 Instances shows what a Singularity will do to change every aspect of your life. Every aspect.
The future is coming - be ready!
The novel is stream-of-consciousness with minimal punctuation. To make it easier for humans to read, the novel has 80+ links in the table of contents. The reader can select the links that interest them and read the book in any order.
Contains adult content.
Please look at the sample before purchasing.
Das E-Book können Sie in Legimi-Apps oder einer beliebigen App lesen, die das folgende Format unterstützen:
Seitenzahl: 531
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
Ähnliche
Copyright 2023 Five Sisters From Arkansas Media Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the publisher or in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of any license permitting limited copying issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
ISBN-13: 978-0-9601269-0-3
This is a novel. No characters in the novel resemble any people, living or dead.
21 Instances
by Robert Edens
For: My Parents
1. Oppie’s late I have to wait around until he shows
I sit down in an orange chair it’s one chair unit in a long line the supports are made of metal but the chairs are bright orange I find out they’re made of metal when I sit on one it’s painted to look like cushions ouch my butt hurts I get my large handheld from my bag naturally as soon as I startup an old guy collapses into the chair next to me and stares like he’s never seen a handheld before I try sitting so he can’t see but he leans and blinks at me he’s about a million years old with a scraggly white beard and weird red lips like he’s wearing lipstick some small electronic device is sticking out of his left ear he coughs like he’s dying it’s gross he says he’s seen one like mine before he keeps leaning closer to look he probably hangs out here all day looking for somebody to talk at I try not to answer his questions but he keeps after me I answer a few he thinks QuadroDyne makes machine tools I have to correct him I tell him I’m here to work on a big project he acts all amazed and asks more dumb questions and he can’t hear anything I say I have to repeat everything louder and louder somehow he has it in his mind I’m building a robot he starts a long story about a robot movie he saw back when he was a kid I’ve seen it he has the plot wrong this is like torture but worse because another old geek drops into the chair on my right this one has two ear devices and a power pack or something in his shirt pocket that connects to one of them and what a surprise they know each other ha-ha they probably live here but I’ve worked in worse environments I tune them out and code until they get into arguing whether I’m here to create robots or clones I have to push them away they were both leaning over me and the newest loony is waving his power pack at my handheld like he’s gonna smash it I tell them to be quiet I need to work because I’m on a top-secret project to create a download for a person oops I’m not supposed to talk about that but no worries the power pack guy thinks I said downtoad he’s sure that’s a clone that restarts the argument I work some more until the right one tucks his power pack into my bag he starts to get up and carry it off but Oppie finally shows he pats the second geezer on the head and I grab my bag and we walk away Oppie’s babbling too his rap is all about why he’s late coming to get me and how when he got here all the airlines had changed the gates he begins telling me the politics of how that works here he knows a lot about it he wants me to know every detail I have an ugly feeling that’s gonna happen a lot at Quad I tune him out and think about the code I’m working on it’s something I’m finishing up for my ex-boss I only come out of it when he suddenly stops talking he’s looking at his handheld he’s got some scanner running and he’s mumbling about all the extra EM activity out here he whispers something I can’t hear but I think he said spies and it’s like I get hit by a lightning bolt oh no those two old guys were corpo spies they probably weren’t old either and I already gave away the whole project and if Quad finds out they’ll have me killed I knew I shouldn’t have left my last job it was greed what do I need the money for I go through a million iterations of what I’m getting into but what I’m getting into is Oppie’s evehicle which looks like an ejeep that ate an evan I know that sounds crazy it has 6 wheels with double tires I have to walk up two steps to get into a passenger seat and Oppie is the worst driver ever and yeah he drives himself which I know is illegal here and half the time he’s talking to me instead of watching where he’s going when he is looking at the road he still manages to almost crash into every vehicle we come near and there’s some weird train that runs through the airport we almost go head on with it too and then he tries to drive out onto one of the runways oh my god I tell him that’s not the way out he cuts the wheel hard left into a U-turn we tilt so much the vehicle almost rolls over the whole time he’s blabbing away about how beautiful the city is there’s mountains to the east and beaches to the west somehow we get out of the airport alive and onto a huge highway 8 lanes in each direction Oppie manages to get us into the fast lane but only after we come this close to hitting an etruck a big yellow ebus and a police cruiser the cop gives us a dirty look but then he waves when he sees Oppie is driving he doesn’t notice he’s busy telling me how many people live here and how many parks there are and that people ride bicycles everywhere wow how can anybody that rides a bike survive in a city where he drives and all the time we’re winding up some kind of huge hill it must be one of the mountains he was yakking about we reach the top and start down into a valley I see skyscrapers down there some of the tops are higher than we are Oppie is still talking I look at my handheld and quit listening I just nod when he looks at me and say uh-huh it’s all good until
I feel extreme pain in my left ankle
I scream and yank my foot up Oppie swerves and hits the divider we bounce and then skid and then almost do a 180 but Oppie steers into the skid we sway back and forth across 4 lanes until he gets it under control I look at my leg blood is flowing from 3 cuts just above my anklebone a little gray head peeks up between my legs it has a mouthful of sharp teeth Oppie makes a meow sound and the cat hops up to my knee and leaps into Oppie’s lap where it lays down and begins to purr Oppie says he’s sorry the cat’s name is Fluffy he’s schizo around strangers the cat opens one eye and glares at me and I’m real glad I’m not a mouse Oppie is pointing at something it’s a building straight ahead of us it’s Quad 3A Oppie goes into babble mode it’s the largest building on this continent you can see it from space etc I notice a big exit sign on the left side of the freeway it says 3A I stupidly point to it and Oppie cuts across all 8 lanes of the freeway without looking most of the other vehicles are on to us they’re keeping away but some kind of EV with flashing red and blue lights is in the way in the second lane from the exit ramp its driver hits the brakes about a tenth of a second before we smash into it we pass in front and skid onto the ramp Oppie stomps on the pedal and says it was the paramedics they’re such bad drivers what a disconnect he’s still looking at me instead of the road but somehow we screech to a stop at a red light on the access road just in time about a thousand giant freighter etrucks are using that road they zoom past us just a few meters apart all autonomous all heading for 3A and at this point I’m not even phased when Oppie suddenly pulls out between two of the trucks the one behind gives us a blast on his horn that almost ruptures my eardrums Oppie turns all the way around in his seat to look at the etruck and then he waves and smiles and tells me it’s his friend Phillup that works in shipping I look back and see that the guy riding in the truck is waving back at Oppie with a big grin on his face he’s got the biggest cigar I’ve ever seen clenched between his teeth I turn back and see that the front of our car is like 5 cms from the huge metal rear bumper of the truck in front of us I watch with my mouth hanging open as we go under the bumper at least one meter I close my eyes and when I open them again I’m still alive Oppie is turning left the etruck behind us blasts its horn again and we get to security that’s intense but after my ride here I feel like kissing their feet I’m pre-cleared that doesn’t matter we still have to go through 3 inspection stations they check my IDs at each one do they think I changed them since the last one hello it was just 50 meters and 90 seconds ago but we do it anyway all of the guards have these weird red plastic guns half a meter long with a handle at one end and then there’s the underpants all the guards wear yellow underpants over their regular uniform pants I mean they look like underpants except they’re made out of plastic I don’t ask Oppie what the deal is because he’ll tell me and I’m not sure I can stand to know we drive into an underground garage at high speed I can’t see anything we drove through some kind of infrared scan that Oppie forgot to tell me about the scanner is screwed up and shoots a super-bright pulse of red light into my eyes Oppie apologizes they’re still debugging the scanner he’s gotten used to closing his eyes when he drives in great now he’s driving with his eyes closed I blink and try to get my eyesight back the garage is brighter than outside and the light comes from everywhere with no visible source there are no shadows how do they do that it’s creepy Oppie gives his cat instructions on how to guard the vehicle while he’s gone it always amazes me the way people talk to their pets like they’re human we get on an elevator and then off and then on a pedway for a couple of klicks and then down on another elevator and then a train yeah a real train it’s like a subway this is a big building we ride for a long time then get off and go down in an elevator my handheld has no idea where I am wonderful I love my new job and Oppie talks the whole time when we get off the third elevator he’s almost finished with the French revolution we go through a wooden double door and through more yellow underpants security into a big room that has a high ceiling and poles stuck in the floor with square wood lanterns on top Oppie is yapping about prairies I look them up on my handheld they’re like vacant fields we go past all the poles to a building yeah a whole other building is in this corner of the room I look behind me we’ve come a long way I can’t see the doors where we came in Oppie’s building looks old and even more than that it looks beat up which is major weird Oppie explains that he had the carpenters beat on the wood with hammers he sure did but why we go inside two more securities are waiting these two are bigger than the others one of them has two of the red guns and I want to ask her if she’s wearing two pairs of the yellow underpants but she looks pretty mean so I decide to live they scan us again I get yet another badge to wear this is the third one it has today’s date on it in a big red font Oppie’s whispering to me not to ever piss off security they can do whatever they like on Quad property we get to his office it’s big 8 or 9 meters square with a huge window that looks out on the freeway and downtown and a bunch of blue-colored mountains it’s media not a real window next door to his office is another one same size for me with a wooden desk that has displays and keyboards there’s also a sofa a conference table with chairs a bathroom and a kitchen.
2. I got to meet Fil and CS2 today
I mean I came here to code and it takes two weeks to even see the specs in the meantime the Quad doctors tell me I have to be tested no I didn’t that was their own idea and Oppie was on vacation they sampled every part of my body made me watch media that almost melted my eyes off and they put me in a vat of freezing water to see if I can teleport out of it huh that’s crazy fortunately Oppie gets back that day and makes them stop he says it’s an idea the docs got from some place called Awwshitz Oppie knows everything and after he fills me in on Awwshitz I feel so depressed I don’t want to do anything that’s the day I meet CS2 and Fil I don’t know why they use made-up names everyone knows who they are security gave me a fake name but I’m too depressed to remember it I just tell them my real name and both of them glare at me fortunately Oppie shows up he tells them my fake name is my real name it’s a reverse psychology trick they both buy it Oppie can get people to believe just about anything and CS2 stands for Chief Scientist 2 I don’t know what happened to Chief Scientist 1 maybe he froze to death in the ice vat or maybe they think he should count for 2 people he’s so big not fat I mean he’s chubby but mainly he’s just big-boned and tall and has a huge head even his hair and beard are huge next to him Fil looks like a starved prisoner of war he’s tall too but he’s thin as a skeleton and he’s wearing a ragged blue shirt like refugees on media wear and tight jeans that make him look even thinner later I’ll find out that he wears those clothes every day I think the same ones they get dirtier and he smells worse but it’s easy to see that he’s one of those guys that no one can tell what to do he doesn’t talk he gives orders he gives me at least 100 about how to write the code and then he leaves and CS2 starts in he tells us about the invention of transistors why is he telling us this we both already know Oppie tries to tell him that but CS2 talks right over him and explains how mainframe computers gave way to mini-computers he even tells us the names of all the companies that made them why is he doing this those companies don’t exist any more he gets to the microprocessor thank god but I thanked god too soon he has to tell us about microcode and how it can be vertical or horizontal he explains the entire design of a microprocessor and then how they got made faster and smaller and started being used in sets and multi-cores and he makes sure we know their names and the names of the people who invented them Oppie keeps trying to get him to tell us about QuarkTime which is the proprietary software that he is supposed to be telling us about but CS2 is a master talker he knows every trick it gets worse he starts in on the philosophy of programming I groan out loud he glares at me and he’s big so I smile and act like a sheep he restarts the sentence he was saying I mean from the beginning I’ll soon find out he has a perfect memory for his own bullshit he throws in some details about philosophy in general how it got started by some guy named Sockrats not kidding me and Oppie are sitting there slack-jawed he’s been talking for hours our brains are fried I’m not sure I can ever write code again and Oppie looks balder than he was when we got here CS2 smiles and starts talking about the history of history oh god no and now he’s telling us stories about his grandma and that’s doing it I feel like I’m getting a lobotomy then they’ll probably drown me in the ice vat that must be his plan but we get saved the lights in the room turn off then turn back on but red lights they’re blinking and making a circle on the wall like police lights do Nan opens the door she’s Oppie’s assistant it breaks the spell CS2 stares at her with his mouth open she gets us out fast and shuts the door on CS2 he’s restarting his last sentence Nan keys her handheld and locks him in it’s great to be rescued but I’m paralyzed because of what she’s wearing it looks like the costume a superhero would wear it’s a new style people are wearing and she’s so good looking it hurts to look at her she has a perfect body I mean completely her face is perfect too and she has perfect thick black hair perfectly cut it’s no use looking down because then you see her perfect round behind and legs and feet I look up at the ceiling and put my right hand on Oppie’s shoulder to guide me she’s sensitive about everything especially her body if she catches us looking she gets upset she worships Oppie she can’t do enough for him she’s super competent like the way she just rescued us from CS2 Marcus is 15 I don’t know why Oppie even hired him or why he isn’t in school instead of hanging around my office he tries to hide where he can spy on Nan I didn’t get any info at all about QuarkTime and CS2 disappears for a week after he tried to talk us to death but Oppie got the specs they don’t tell me much either apparently it’s a super database of some kind there’s no front-end none at all Oppie can’t believe it either it looks like it wasn’t in the deliverable Quad bought from CS2 and Fil oh this is so crazy but at least there’s a framework that you could use to write a user interface Oppie says work on that what a disaster.
3. Andy is our security leader
he’s a huge guy from Russia his last name has no vowels and I can’t say it but he lets me call him Andy he’s nice to me but he’s bad ass the other security are scared of him I wouldn’t want to be one and try to go out with his daughter who is blonde smart and gorgeous he showed me media on his handheld I know I’d never have the nerve to talk to her I never can talk to any of them my throat freezes up and I want to run off in any direction that doesn’t matter because Andy is making me meet her I have to go to his house for dinner oh no but at least I have code to write CS2 shows up late or not at all he takes a few days off whenever he feels like it which is every other day I wish he would take Fil with him on his vacations Fil has his own agenda that has nothing to do with work it’s all politics and it’s all crazy I mean he opposes work and wants to hang all the rich people I heard him say that and he’s still alive maybe BG isn’t as dangerous as I thought ha-ha he is too I try to stay away from Fil on account of I don’t want to die in a crossfire it does me no good Fil is always coming to my office and ranting about capitalism he even follows me to the bathroom and rants in there security doesn’t like him he knows it and rants at them too it looks like the program is gonna be nothing but a chat engine I mean it will be huge and it will have CS2’s lame-ass QT behind it but that’s not a brain we can shove BG into and I haven’t even got the interface working yet somebody taps me on the shoulder I jump about a meter straight up and land back in my chair which tips over and I’m sitting in my chair except the back of the chair is on the floor I’m looking up at Andy he says something I think it’s am I all right he doesn’t speak English very well and I can’t figure out what he’s doing here he just comes to work in the morning but I see daylight on the east media window it is morning I was thinking it was about midnight Andy says some more stuff I don’t get I wish he would go away but he squats down puts one big arm around the back of my chair and hauls me into a sitting position he’s got a cup of something steamy in his hand he hands it to me I figure it’s coffee when I take a sip I realize it’s soup liquid food my body soaks it up like it’s dying the cup is empty before I can taste it I wipe my lips and try to stand up but my legs are like rubber Andy has to help me he asks me when did I sleep last I start to answer but he interrupts me and slowly says that tonight is big night the night I meet his daughter who wants to date a rich capitalist I feel a sharp pain in my ankle I look down it’s Oppie’s cat it knows when the door to my office is open and it sneaks in and lets me have one I try to kick it but my feet move too slow the cat is over at the door there’s Oppie too smiling at me and Andy like he’s the tooth fairy and we’re good little children who brush our teeth so hard our gums bleed I don’t know where that came from Andy and Oppie are laughing so I guess I said it out loud oops Andy says I need sleep so I can meet his daughter tonight Oppie agrees and starts to make a speech but Andy interrupts him to say I’m too tired to get home Oppie says that’s no problem he’ll drive me I try to scream but nothing comes out I wonder if I’m dead and in hell I wonder even more when Andy picks me up and carries me out it’s major embarrassing good thing it’s early no one is here except the security guards and they act like this is routine that creepy X guy is there he’s got white gloves on and he’s down on his hands and knees rubbing his fingers on the guards’ shoes they’re all lined up and he’s crawling right down the line wiping a finger across the shoes yeah this must be hell Andy marches right on by with me in his arms for some reason he and X don’t like each other Oppie is right behind us with the kitty from hell riding on his left shoulder I guess it’s going too I close my eyes and black out when I open them I’m in Oppie’s EV and we’re about to do a head-on with a wall I close them again we sway from side to side but stay upright Oppie’s got some kind of compensator software that helps him drive he never uses the autonomous controls he has a license to drive himself who let him have that when I open my eyes we’re on the ramp that leads out of the garage it’s morning traffic I shut my eyes and try not to listen as horns blow evehicles screech and Oppie chats away to his cat he’s telling it something about God BG is going to kill us why doesn’t he talk about that there’s a big thump and when I open my eyes I see we went over the curb into the front yard of the house where I live at least we missed the porch I manage to get out my knees are shaking it’s not exhaustion Oppie gets out too his tires dug some deep holes in the grass I’m hoping Mr. Johnson the landlord doesn’t show but of course he’s the next person we see he’s standing on the porch with a ladder I remember he was gonna fix the roof he’s a nice old guy about 60 and tall and thin and he’s standing there looking at the car with his mouth open but no sounds are coming out Oppie tells him hello and makes a speech about what a beautiful day it is and Mr. Johnson gapes at him he works real hard on the lawn since his wife died a few months ago he points a finger at the evehicle and I know and Oppie knows that’s he’s major pissed but the Opman is a master at redirecting the conversation this could take a while so I lean against a porch column because I can’t stand up and Oppie pretends that Mr. Johnson is interested in his evehicle and he goes on about that for several minutes until Mr. Johnson has that stupid look that most people get when Oppie talks but the old guy has enough energy left to moan about his yard Oppie takes a look around like he’s just noticed where he is and he smiles again and says that yards are wasteful and use too many resources he prefers a xeriscape Oppie’s cat trots over and gives Mr. Johnson a quick swipe across the ankle he screams and grabs his leg Oppie says that his cat is a bad kitty and he shouldn’t hurt the nice man he picks up the cat it settles into his arms there’s blood on its right front foot Oppie turns to me and says he will get new clothes for me and be back at 6:00 to get me Mr. Johnson groans as Oppie’s tires dig a new set of tracks across the yard pulling out I know I should stay and help Mr. Johnson but I can barely walk I key the door and stumble inside I make it to the couch that’s about 2 meters away and collapse on it the next thing I know someone is shaking me too bad I was dreaming code I had the whole event loop figured I’ll use QT to build hierarchies that point to other hierarchies to deal with the multiple associations and QT will create new hierarchies on the fly whenever I need them I open my eyes and roll over it’s Oppie and he’s wearing a blue suit and he’s got some kind of bag on a hangar in his other hand
he asks me if I slept
and I mean what did he think I was doing lying here face down meditating on the fate of the universe but if I say that he’ll explain the real fate of the universe to me and I’ll hate it I keep quiet and stand up he really is insane I wonder why I’m the only one who notices he pushes me toward the bathroom gets me in there turns on the shower and leaves and my clothes have been on for a while and my socks don’t want to come off but the shower wakes me up I feel a lot better quick and it’s a good thing because Oppie is banging on the door and yelling at me to come out I wrap a towel around my waist the towel is dirty and it’s so stiff I have to sort of fold it like a box around me I open the door and Oppie is holding a new suit up for me to look at its yellow and has vertical red stripes I blink a few times and look again but those are the colors Oppie’s also got a pink shirt a black tie and some new socks and underwear he goes into a long speech about where he bought the suit and how he bargained for it and a lot more and he obviously isn’t going to leave my bedroom so I drop the towel and start putting the clothes on but the whole time my fingers are itching to write code Oppie stops talking long enough to tie my tie for me and then we’re moving he says we’re late so he’ll have to step on it to get us there on time oh my god I black out again when I come to I’m in his ewhatever we’re in the street this time Oppie is waving at Mr. Johnson who is coming for us with a chainsaw that he starts up as he gets closer but Oppie peels away before he can get us Oppie says his cat is sick and had to stay home I close my eyes because we were coming to a stop sign and he wasn’t even looking let alone slowing down yeah the QT hierarchies will work but that’s just the beginning I still don’t like the way CS2 wants to store the data one table for each data item is going to get huge fast and how the hell can QT pulse through them fast enough to get it to think I hear a siren and open my eyes and see that two motorcycle cops are in front of us in the express lane of the freeway with their lights flashing I guess they’re our escort Oppie turns to me and winks and tells me the cop on the left is one of his grad students and he is an admirable fellow who has never understood the importance of Hegel in our cultural heritage oh god he’s so crazy the cops lead us all the way to an exit ramp which Oppie drives down like it’s a ski slope and we’re a bobsled team I mean fast we streak right through the red light on the access road faster that’s the key but our brains aren’t fast we’ve got hardware that’s a lot faster Oppie takes a corner at about 60 klicks we almost tip over but the compensator saves us and we screech to a halt in front of a 3-story house all brick with huge windows the front yard is about a kilometer wide and looks perfect Quad must pay their security a lot a giant set of wood doors swing open and there’s Andy wearing some kind of black pants with pockets all over them and a black shirt with even more pockets he leads us into a hallway that opens out into a room with a ceiling 10 meters high with a white carpet and strange furniture metal and glass chairs tables and a big aluminum couch Andy leads us to it we sit down it’s not very comfortable Oppie babbles away about Smkiskn’s wife that’s Andy’s real name Oppie says she’s one of the most famous design artists in the worlds I don’t see how I mean we’re sitting on a metal couch and Andy pushes me back and the part of the couch I’m on tilts with my body until I’m at a 20-degree angle now I’m helpless Andy has a huge bottle in his hand he pours some clear liquid into a glass and hands it to me and then one for Oppie and one for him he raises his glass and so does Oppie and they look at me I raise my glass and they both drink off their whole glass I figure it’s water and drink mine boom the liquid hits my stomach my whole body gets hot I gasp and take a few deep breaths Andy thinks I liked it he refills my glass and Oppie’s and his they drink and I drink too the walls are moving no it’s my eyes un-focusing Oppie and Andy are talking but I can’t understand a word I think it’s the drink but then I realize they’re speaking Russian I try to look around but my head isn’t obeying my movement commands and I end up tilting back more in my section of the couch I’m almost lying down a new voice from behind hits me like a sonic boom I try to sit up but the couch doesn’t cooperate until Oppie presses a button next to me that I hadn’t noticed before and my seat shoots straight upright and ejects me onto my feet it’s got some kind of spring mechanism kinda cool except my stomach is still where it was I’m trying not to vomit as I turn to where the voice came from and see a woman Andy’s age she’s also big and she’s wearing a bright red dress with vertical orange stripes I guess today is stripes day she’s got a huge tray in her hands with all kinds of little dishes another woman steps out from behind her it’s Nadja the daughter her body perfectly fills her black dress it has a short skirt her legs are like a statue her breasts are so big and round I can’t even look not for a second
she’s got short blonde hair her eyes are blue
she smiles and makes eye contact I’m stupefied if I had to tell her my name now I wouldn’t know it Oppie jumps to his feet and says the big woman’s name is Nepreska she sets the tray down on a wood table that rises up out of the floor as she reaches down good tech Oppie starts making a speech about ideal beauty but I can’t hear much of it there’s a roaring sound in my ears because Nadja has walked right up to me she’s standing one meter away smiling and making eye contact somehow I get my hand up and she lightly touches it with hers she breaks eye contact to look down at my body oh my god she stands closer her perfume smells like flowers but I don’t know what kind of flowers and my associative centers start flashing me mental pictures of flowers roses daisies carnations and more flowers I’ve seen before but I don’t know their names I try to say something but no words come out and I see a big cat it’s Oppie’s cat but it’s like 6 meters tall it hisses at me and jumps except it’s not me it’s after but poor old Mr. Johnson the cat lands on him and tears his head off but there’s no blood flowers are coming out of his neck where his head used to be they smell awful my eyes open I’m lying on the floor Oppie is kneeling on one side of me and Nepreska is kneeling on the other waving a piece of plastic under my nose and that’s what stinks it smells like cleaning fluid or something she smiles down at me which is terrifying her teeth are huge she looks like a monster I see Andy standing behind her she yells at him for giving me vodka oh that’s what it was I hear a laugh that sounds like music I look straight up Nadja’s face is right above mine and I realize that my head is in her lap and the top of my head is pressing against her belly actually her lower belly I look down and left and see her naked thigh there her lap is warm almost hot oh my god Oppie and Andy lift me to my feet before I can pass out again and Nadja stands up too and as she does her skirt rides up on her waist and I get a look at a pair of tight white panties with a little fringe of blonde hair oh my god I close my eyes and let them put me back on the couch Nepreska sits on one side of me and begins to spoon some liquid into my mouth it’s the same stuff Andy had me drink this morning but fresher and warmer it’s perfect mainly because Nadja’s sitting on my other side and she’s got a tray of some little tomatoes and slices of cucumber and whenever Mom pulls the spoon out Nadja pops one of the tomatoes into my mouth and giggles meanwhile Oppie and Andy are pouring more vodka and drinking it while they chow down on the tray full of goodies that Nepreska brought they’re jabbering away in Russian and every few minutes Nepreska holds off putting soup in my mouth and belts down a whole glass of the vodka herself I could care because while she’s doing that Nadja puts two tomatoes in my mouth and giggles and looks into my eyes she’s got a glass of the stuff too I never knew people could drink like this I figure this is the dinner and that’s fine with me but after a few more minutes we all stand up and Oppie leads me off to another part of the house we go through a long corridor lined with statues at least I think they’re statues but they start animating as we go past them some of them smile at us some of them wave their arms and a dog statue opens its mouth and says: “Hello there, humans. I am Cyril the faithful and obedient dog. I love you!”
“Uh, Oppie,” I say. “Did that dog just talk?”
“Hmm, oh yes,” Oppie says. He was looking at his handheld but now he glances up. “Yes, they’re animatrons. Nepreska fabricates them.”
“Do not leave human! I wish to love and honor you!”
Oppie opens a door and waves me inside. It’s a huge bathroom with a pool in the middle of it, set at the level of the floor and filled with water that’s swirling around and there’s some kind of red light underneath the pool so the water looks pink and frothy Oppie leads me around it and there are some doors that lead to toilets I don’t know how he knew I needed to go but I sure do and when I’m through Oppie is over standing by a row of copper sinks I look at my face in the mirror it’s major awful I have food stains on my chin and neck I wash my hands and face while Oppie brushes my jacket with a damp washrag.
“There you are, as good as new,” Oppie says. He holds the jacket so I can put my arms in it. “Now we are ready for dinner.”
“More food?”
“Yes indeed, we shall no doubt have a splendid repast.”
He opens the door that leads back to the corridor. The animated dog jumps through the doorway and knocks him down and stands on his chest.
“Greetings, human master! I wish to love, honor and obey you!”
“I loathe dogs,” Oppie says as he tries to push the mutt off him but it’s heavy. I tug on its tail to help him.
“Do not reject me, master! I wish to be your loyal dog!” The dog begins to cry and big teardrops drip from its eyes onto Oppie’s face.
We get it off him but it follows us out of the bathroom still crying. “Please kind human! Do not abandon me! I wish to be your faithful pet.”
“No,” Oppie says. “Bad dog! Leave us alone!”
“Alone?” the dog says. It stops walking and squats on its haunches. “I, alone?” The dog sticks its paw into a little leather bag that hangs from its collar and pulls out a small pistol. “You leave me no choice, cruel master.” The dog has some sort of fingers on the paw enough to hold the gun to its head and pull the trigger there’s a loud bang and the dog goes down Oppie’s mouth is hanging open and he isn’t moving I sort of shove him down the hallway but he keeps looking back at the dog which has now rolled over on its back with all 4 legs sticking up in the air.
We come back out into the living room and nobody’s there but we can hear voices coming from an open archway on the other side of the room and Andy appears at the archway and waves to us. “Come, eat! Come, eat!”
“Umm, certainly,” Oppie says. “Smkiskn, is there a dog animatron in the corridor that talks?”
“Dog? Yes, yes. It is our pet. Our special dog. Nepreska loves it.”
“Well, I am very sorry, but…”
Andy begins to laugh and Nepreska joins us she’s laughing too she has a handheld and suddenly I get it the dog was a joke and she was doing its voice Oppie looks pissed for a second but then he smiles Nepreska laughs so loud it hurts my ears and says that’s revenge for his cat scratching her the last time she was at his house Andy laughs even harder and I’m guessing the cat got him too but it stays away from him at work he and X must’ve worked it over sometime when Oppie was at a meeting Andy shoves me into yet another big room this one has a white carpet with tiny blue and silver colored lights flashing off and on inside it and the walls are white up to eye level and then light pink up to the ceiling which is also pink and curved like an egg and there’s a huge lamp thing hanging from the center with all kinds of prisms and crystals on it along with some lights that throw beams like spotlights down on a big wooden table it’s a hexagon two meters on a side with more of those aluminum couches around it Andy leads me to one side and there’s Nadja smiling up at me he pushes me down on the couch next to her and she smiles and asks me if I feel better I haven’t heard her speak before her voice is deep and her throat vibrates when she talks for some reason that’s even hotter than her boobs which I am trying not to stare at she tells me I need to learn to drink like a Russian she takes a sip from a glass in front of her and frowns at me
I feel like killing myself
until Andy slaps me on the back and says she’s teasing me great he’s sitting on the next couch to my left Oppie and Nepreska are sitting on the aluminum couch on my right on the next couch over on their right is an older man who’s wearing a tuxedo at least that’s what I think it is I’ve never seen anybody actually wear one and another guy also older he’s wearing a black robe and has a raggedy hat on his head that looks like it’s made out of fur Andy introduces us the tuxedo guy is a graphic arts novelist his name is Andray the other one is Peeyot or something like that and he’s a sha-man I have no clue what that is I could look it up but I’m too paralyzed by Nadja he looks at me and holds up his hands and begins to circle his left hand with his right first slow then faster and faster Nadja whispers that he’s trying to hypnotize me wow they’re all big-time crazy no wonder Oppie wanted in Nepreska picks up a silver bell on the table and shakes it so it rings twice about a minute later a tall guy dressed all in black comes into the room from a door I didn’t even know was there until it opened he’s carrying a white dish with a bowl on it he sets it down next to Nepreska pulls a spoon out of the bowl and scoops some kind of red liquid out and into a white bowl on the table in front of her Nepreska thanks him he gives her a dirty look Nadja whispers that’s he’s an anarchist I don’t know what that is either and I still can’t talk to her all that comes out of my mouth is a little squeak this is a major overload I would run for it but she holds eye contact and puts her left hand on my right thigh oh my god time stops until the anarchist slops some soup into the bowl in front of me and the hand comes off my thigh but she’s sitting closer and her left knee is resting against my right knee oh my god Andy asks her something in Russian I look around while she’s answering but I keep my knee where it is Nepreska and Oppie are belting back the vodka and the graphic novelist has joined them the sha-man is still working on me the writer says that in the future all novels will be graphic novels we will watch them on our handhelds Nepreska rings the bell and the guy in black comes back he’s got a big dish and this one has some kind of roast meat he stops by each person at the table and uses a metal fork to throw a slab of meat on their plate and the meat is real greasy and splatters when it hits the plate Nepreska thinks that’s hilarious she laughs every time he does it I tune it out because somehow I have a glass in my right hand and Nadja is pouring red fluid into it from a bottle I’m guessing it’s wine after she fills my glass she grabs her own glass and sort of points it at me Andy nudges me he’s got a huge glass of vodka he’s pointing it at me too he says Nadja wants toast I want to ask them where the hell they think I’m going to get a piece of bread let alone toast it Nadja laughs and leans way over to tap her glass against mine oh my god her boobs almost come out she sits up grinning and Andy taps his glass against mine too and I get it I smile at him and then at her and I drink and they drink that’s a toast apparently and we have to drink it all I got that too they both hold their empty glasses upside down over their heads and what the hell I do that too I’m laughing the anarchist gets to me and throws a slab of meat on my plate it smells funny I take a little bite it’s awful Nadja says it’s goose that’s hung and does that mean they torture animals whatever they did to the poor critter they must have left it where they killed it for a long time before they cooked it I hope they cooked it I pretend to eat it Nadja smiles and whispers that I am the only person she has ever trusted and
she will tell me a huge secret
Nepreska is not her Mom’s real name because she’s wanted for murder back in Russia she says it was only fair because she killed two security who tortured her grandfather she found out where they were living in an old spies retirement home she snuck in disguised as a nurse and put cyanide in their prune juice wow more overload the anarchist guy is back this time with whole potatoes he spears the potatoes with a fork and slams them down on the plate next to the meat Nepreska taps her handheld and the room gets darker except for one wall that lights up it’s a media wall the graphic guy keys his handheld and the media wall displays a large cartoon it’s all bright colors red blue and green mixed with grays and whites two people are in it a woman and a man they both have big eyes bigger than any real person would have the woman has a caption balloon coming out of her mouth the usual kind you see in comics it’s like a stack of captions one on top of the other and the man has a stack too his are outlined in green and hers are in pink everybody but me and Nadja gets into arguing about the dialog we’re in eye lock again I can’t look away she giggles and tries to pour me more booze most of it ends up soaking my crotch.
“Trite!” the tuxedo guy yells at Oppie. “What do mean trite? You goon! You impudent worm! Don’t you see the music? The poetry? Are you an imbecile?” He switches to another language and rants some more.
Nadja giggles. “He says that Dr. Opkor is a bear-fucker, a man who would sodomize a goat and would steal honey from the bees, rub it on his penis and force a deer to lick it off him.”
“Innocent deer!” the old guy yells. “I said an innocent deer! He tosses off another glass. “Bah! And I say again bah! I make war on the State, but no one cares.”
“The State must die,” the anarchist says. He’s sitting next to the sha-man, who is still spinning his hands at me. The anarchist’s got the rest of the meat on a huge plate and a whole pile of potatoes. “The State must be periodically destroyed and rebuilt. That’s because institutions start out as a means to accomplish a task. But over time, their missions change to preserving themselves. The only way to overcome the inertia is to destroy them and start over.”
“Fool!” the graphics guy yells. “You are an imbecile also!”
“Stop spinning,” the anarchist tells the shaman and the loony doesn’t answer, all he’s doing is staring at his own spinning hands. The anarchist socks the guy in the forehead and he falls backward. The section of aluminum couch he’s in goes back with him.
“But revolutions only happen when times are desperate,” the anarchist says. “Anarchy is always preceded by a period of intense polarization sufficient to justify an economic hit as high as 60% of GDP.”
The sha-man pushes himself upright. “What did I miss?” he says. “Did I mesmerize the boy? Did he cluck like a chicken? Reveal the secrets of the universe? Receive a visitation from the spirit world?”
“No,” the anarchist says. He sticks a huge piece of meat in his mouth and talks around it while he chews. “You did yourself again.”
“Curses,” the shaman says. He spoons up some of his soup and Nepreska tells the anarchist to serve the dessert and he won’t do it he says he has worked his quota for the day she keeps trying and they get into it I tune it out Nadja and I are in eye lock mode again and she’s telling me about her work she’s an architect she really likes it and she asks about my work and I tell her all about code and how fun it is and how I can’t stop once I start and she smiles and listens and puts her hand on my thigh again oh my god but I keep talking no one and I do mean no one ever asks me about my work or they ask but when I try to answer their eyes glaze over after about 10 seconds this is a first I can’t shut up until Nepreska yells so loud it hurts my ears she wants me and Nadja to go get the dessert Nadja grabs my hand and we stand up I haven’t held hands with women very much so I’m not sure if there’s anything I’m supposed to do besides hold it on old media they kiss women’s hands but I think she’d laugh at me if I tried it she leads me around the table to the door where the anarchist has been coming from its mounted flush to the wall that’s why you can’t see it from a distance Nadja opens it there’s a huge kitchen Nadja pulls me through the door shuts it with her foot and pushes me up against the wall she giggles as she puts one hand on each side of my head and pulls me down she kisses my lips then my chin then my right cheek my lips again she sticks her tongue in my mouth I’m so not expecting that I can’t move her tongue is long enough to go deep into my mouth she slides it out smiles at me and grabs my hand again and leads me to a huge refrigerator she opens one of the doors there’s a bunch of glasses with some green stuff in them on a tray she says she’ll carry them and I should carry a large brown bottle on a nearby table I pick it up and read the label it’s brandy which I have head of but never drank she says Oppie is too drunk to drive I tell her he doesn’t drive real well sober either she laughs some more her laugh is pretty uncontrolled it reminds me of the way her mother talks she says I will spend the night with her I almost drop the bottle but somehow I say I don’t want to I can’t believe I said that but it’s what I feel I’m tired of people telling me what to do she whirls around and the desserts slide across the tray one of them almost falls off she says don’t I want to sleep with her I say I need time to get to know her but I just want it to be my choice she says she will give me more time and is 15 minutes enough she makes eye contact like she’s serious but
she laughs and says she’s in love
with me and she whirls back toward the door I figure out how she keeps the desserts from going off the tray it’s a physics thing we go back through the door a lot has happened Sha-man is gone Nepreska is getting some kind of hot drink from a big metal urn that wasn’t on the table before Oppie and the graphic novelist and the anarchist are gathered at one side of the table looking at the cartoon on the wall.
“A simple rewrite is all we need,” Oppie says.
“Bah! Simple! Nothing is simple!”
“What about simpletons?” the anarchist asks.
“Ha-ha, very funny!”
“Let’s see,” Oppie says, rubbing his head. “What if the woman’s opening caption reads: ‘We cannot fuck. The State forbids it.’ “
“We need to lose the State,” the anarchist says. “How about she says: ‘We cannot fuck. You’re too conservative.’”
“Too conservative! What is this too conservative?”
“That works for me,” Oppie says. “Now what’s his comeback? How about: ‘I will change.’ “
“Too passive,” Nepreska says. “He should have a more active role. What if he says: ‘Fuck me or I will overthrow our democratic government, make myself king and invade Hungary.’ “
“Brilliant,” the anarchist says.
“Mother does not like Hungarians,” Nadja whispers as we hand out the desserts. “Pour the brandy into those little pink glasses.” The glasses weren’t there before either. They’re weird looking, kind of round and big at the bottom and narrow at the top. I pour the stuff in them it smells horrible.
“After that ultimatum, her heart should melt,” Nepreska says.
“Yes,” Oppie says. “The path to a woman’s heart lies through Romania. Hmm. The logical reply from her would be: ‘Your big speech has won my love. We will fuck in the city hall, right on the mayor’s desk.’”
“Why does it have to be fuck, fuck, fuck?” the graphic novelist says. “All of you are sex maniacs!”
“Too prolix,” the anarchist says. “Real people don’t talk like that. How about: ‘Do you have condoms?’ “
“Not romantic,” Nepreska says.
“Good point,” Oppie says. “But what should she say?”
“She can say: ‘You would overthrow the State for me? You are my true love. Only with you can I find happiness.’”
“I like that,” Oppie says. He types it into his handheld.
“You are ripping my heart out! My very heart!”
“Yeah it works,” the anarchist says. “And his next line could be: ‘I would destroy any state to win your love. States come and go but love endures.’” He drinks the brandy and pours himself some more vodka.
“Excellent,” Oppie says. “Now we’re rolling.”
“Rolling! You are destroying my life’s work!”
