A Quiet Contagion E-Book

Jane Jesmond

• Herausgeber: Verve Books
• Kategorie: Krimi
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

An unsettling contemporary mystery with a historical twist and fast-paced plot, from the author of the Jen Shaw series.

Six decades. Seven people. One unspeakable secret.

1957. A catastrophe occurs at the pharmaceutical lab in Coventry where sixteen-year-old Wilf is working for the summer. A catastrophe that needs to be covered up at all costs.2017. Phiney is shocked by the death of her grandfather, Wilf, who has jumped from a railway bridge at a Coventry station. Journalist Mat Torrington is the only witness.

Left in utter disbelief, with a swarm of unanswered questions, Phiney, Mat and Wilf's wife, Dora, begin their own enquiries into Wilf's death. It is soon clear that these two events, sixty years apart, are connected - and that Wilf is not the only casualty.

But what is the link? And can they find out before any more lives are lost?

PRAISE FOR A QUIET CONTAGION

'Jesmond's thriller incorporates a very likeable protagonist and a really twisty plot with a thought-provoking moral dilemma' - Mail on Sunday

'A well written story, with excellently created characters. This blend of history and contemporary, fact and fiction is original and engrossing' - Mature Times

'An original and moving mystery, deftly weaving between past and present to examine a profoundly ethical question that is still deeply relevant today' - Philippa East

'Jesmond presents a cracking conundrum then adds a chewy moral dilemma to the mix, dangling a riveting hook before throwing in a ticking time bomb to create a propulsive beating heart... A complex, moving and ultimately satisfying page-turner' - Fiona Erskine

'An original and absorbing thriller that casts light on a little-known part of our history. Authentic characters, great pace, and a captivating storyline that still resonates powerfully today' - Sarah Clarke

'A deeply intelligent novel from a commanding writer... Tragic, terrifying, and all too real, A Quiet Contagion will have your heart pounding even as you weep' - Helen Fields

'This compulsive thriller blends real events with a clever fictional plot. Thoughtful, topical and gripping, A Quiet Contagion is bound to win Jane Jesmond even more acclaim' - Carolyn Kirby

PRAISE FOR JANE JESMOND

'An original voice in crime fiction' - Sunday Times on Cut Adrift (A Best Crime Novel of 2023)

'Jesmond's delineation of her characters as people with plausible flaws and hot tempers adds depth and complexity to a story that might wear its sentiments on its sleeves, yet which is trimly steered and freighted with contemporary resonance' - Times on Cut Adrift (Thriller Book of the Month)

'In an over-saturated market, finding a new voice with something compelling to say in the crime writing field can be difficult. Thankfully there are people out there trying to deliver a twist on the genre, and Jane Jesmond is one of them' - On Yorkshire Magazine on Cut Adrift

'This amazing debut novel from Jane Jesmond will give you all the thrills you've been looking for and keep you gripped from the get-go' - Female First on On The Edge

Leseprobe

PRAISE FOR JANE JESMOND

‘Riveting… Jesmond’s first novel marked her out as an original voice in crime fiction, and the new book shows how the conventions of the genre can be used to reveal a personal tragedy’ –Sunday Times (A Best Crime Novel of 2023)

‘Jesmond’s delineation of her characters as people with plausible flaws and hot tempers adds depth and complexity to a story that might wear its sentiments on its sleeves, yet which is trimly steered and freighted with contemporary resonance’ – Times (Thriller Book of the Month)

‘Finding a new voice with something compelling to say in the crime writing field can be difficult. Thankfully there are people out there trying to deliver a twist on the genre, and Jane Jesmond is one of them’ – On Yorkshire Magazine

‘This amazing debut novel from Jane Jesmond will give you all the thrills you’ve been looking for and keep you gripped from the get-go… We feel as though we have walked into the dark and stormy moors where this story takes place’ – Female First

‘A surprising story filled with twists and turns’ – Living North

‘A gripping premise, a well-executed plot and an evocative Cornish setting’ – NB Magazine

‘The thriller world has gained a compelling and seriously talented voice’ – Hannah Mary McKinnon

‘Gritty, gripping, knotty, intense – this is going to be HUGE’ – Fiona Erskine

‘A beautifully atmospheric story that grips you from the start! Jesmond cleverly weaves a tale of intrigue and suspense – a talented new crime fiction writer. One to watch!’ – Louise Mumford

In loving memory of my mum, Cilla Chapman 1934-2011. I so wish you could have held one of my books.

Prologue: Wilfred Patterson

14 June 2017

The day after the reunion

Wilf fixed his eyes on the reassuring straightness of the railway tracks, gleaming and solid in the morning sun. To his left they ran back to Coventry, where he’d come from earlier, and to his right towards Birmingham and then the north. For a moment he was gripped by the idea of taking a train north and disappearing.

Two nights without sleep had torn down the fences between his memories and let them mingle. One moment the events of sixty years ago crashed around his head, and the next minute the angry scenes at yesterday’s reunion clawed them into shreds. The young faces he remembered from 1957 dissolved into their grim older versions, all talking at once. Michael Poulter, speaking through the thick tiredness of illness. Jean Storer, calm and eloquent, only her hands, clenching and unclenching, revealing how desperate she was.

He shook his head and Jack, his assistance dog, scrambled to his feet from under the bench and stared at Wilf with his odd-coloured eyes, thinking they were finally on the move. Wilf bent and patted him.

‘Not yet, Jack,’ he said. The movement made him wince. The brace that supported his left leg, shrivelled and useless from childhood polio, had rubbed a raw patch on the side of his knee. He’d been on his feet too much over the last two days and, anyway, he wasn’t as adept as Dora at fitting it.

Dora. Her face joined the others raging round his head. And Phiney. Dora, his wife. Phiney, his granddaughter. How could he tell them about the terrible thing he’d been part of all those years ago? He sighed. Jack watched him, waiting for his next move.

The young man beside him on the bench looked up from his iPad.

‘Nice dog,’ he said.

Wilf ignored him. Exhaustion was draining his senses. Darkness blurred the outskirts of his vision and his fingers no longer felt the wood of the bench. He was drowning in a sea of memories. Unable to move. Unable to breathe. Unable to fight.

He’d felt like this before. After Carol, his daughter, died. The doctor had given him pills. They helped. A little. Made it possible to get through the day.

What helped most was Dora. The doctor said he should talk, so she made him. Every day, she made him talk. About anything and everything. It didn’t matter, she said, he could talk about his bloody clocks. She didn’t mind, but talk he would.

And he had. He talked about the clocks he loved and then about all the dogs who’d loved him. About the good bits of his childhood. And then about the bad. About the polio that had been his constant companion. About the pain. About the loneliness. About the way his legs looked and all the bad feelings that he wasn’t supposed to have. He talked for weeks and weeks, and she listened and said nothing much, although occasionally she glowered or scrubbed her eyes.

And when the time came to speak about Carol, he was unhappy and angry and grieving and missing her but the awful suffocation of the depression had passed, dissolved by all the words he’d shared with Dora.

Until now.

This time, though, he’d be alone, because no one could forgive the thing he’d done. Not Phiney. Not even Dora.

But worse than the thought of Dora and Phiney were the accusing voices in his head, beating against his skull. He staggered to his feet, knowing he had to get rid of them. Except they were in him and part of him. He’d never silence them. He’d have to carry them with him for the rest of his life. For the rest of his life.

He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t.

Chapter One: Phiney Wistman

14 June 2017

The day after the reunion

The row of letterboxes ran in a neat line from the entrance door into the dusty lobby. My landlord had chosen a set in red with a white flap and they gleamed in the light from the grubby window like bared teeth. A smile or a grimace? Who knew?

One of the morons who lived in my building had dropped a heap of fliers and adverts on the floor. I picked them up and gave in to the urge to check my box, newly and clearly relabelled, Flat 3 Josephine Wistman, to avoid any errors. Maybe the post had come early for once.

The test centre had said it would take up to eight weeks for the letter to arrive. Seven of them had passed with me managing to focus on other things, but since the eighth week began, the test results had started to nibble away at my thoughts. I unlocked my box. Was now, in the middle of this utterly routine day, the moment when I’d know if my mother had passed more on to me than her coffee-coloured hair, her caramel eyes and her sensitivity to smell? Had she also bequeathed me the gene that would give me breast cancer?

But my box was empty.

The tight muscles in my chest relaxed and the breath slipped out of my lungs in a long sigh. Another day of normality was beginning. I set off for Coventry City Hospital, where I worked.

I always walked, even when I was on nights. It was my way of ensuring I took some exercise because, believe me, after a gruelling shift on the children’s oncology ward, you don’t feel like doing anything except curling up with the latest Maeve Binchy. Or having a good weep. And weeping didn’t help.

No, I thought, as I sped down the familiar streets, past my old school and through the hospital car park, weeping was a waste of time; my grandad had taught me that. It was better to fight. And, with that in mind, I strode through the entrance doors and ran up the stairs to the ward and into its familiar chaos.

The door to the office was open. Meghan, at her desk, looked with disgust at a computer printout. I nipped in and put an eco-container on her desk.

‘Banana bread! Homemade. Catch you later.’

She started to say something but I shook my head and sped away.

My first patient was Marnie (seven years old, early-stage lympho-blastic leukaemia, prognosis good but not reacting well to chemo), who was sitting in bed in one of the wards painted with Disney characters to encourage the kids into thinking they might be somewhere fun. Her mother stood by her with that half-bent stance all the parents had, wanting to shield her daughter from any more suffering yet knowing she couldn’t.

‘Good news,’ I said. ‘Marnie’s bloods are back and they’re fine, so we’ll be able to treat her.’

Marnie wore a new knitted hat. A pink bonnet with pointy ears and a mane of multi-coloured wool to disguise the absence of her own hair. It framed her face and gave a warm tint to her ash-white skin.

‘A pony?’ I asked. ‘Is it a pony hat?’

Silence from Marnie. The noise of children playing or grizzling while nurses and parents murmured to each other penetrated the curtains round our cubicle. The normal buzz of the ward.

‘A unicorn.’ Her mother’s voice filled the gap. ‘Tell Nurse Josephine, Marnie. You’re a unicorn.’

Of course she was. A white knitted horn stuck out between the ears.

‘Granny knitted it for you, didn’t she, Marnie?’ Her mother’s voice cracked. She smelled of exhaustion. Of clothes worn once too often and hair not washed enough.

‘You’re a beautiful unicorn, Marnie,’ I said in my best cheerful voice as I rubbed cleansing gel into my hands. Sharp and acid, it brightened the thick air for a few seconds before vanishing. I snapped on gloves. Marnie started to whimper. She knew what was coming. She’d been here too many times before.

The noise of vomiting reached us, followed swiftly by the comforting words of one of the other nurses. It sounded like Christine, her voice warmed by the lilt of a Scottish accent.

I leaned forward to give Marnie the reassurance she needed too, expecting the words to arrive automatically but nothing came.

What was happening to me?

I ransacked my suddenly empty brain for something to say.

It won’t hurt. True enough but she’d feel it nevertheless.

It’ll be over in a flash. Sort of true. But there’d be another procedure and then another, all adding up to hours of misery.

There’s nothing to be frightened of. The big lie. There was everything to be frightened of. Beware the cancer eating away at your body. Beware the treatment. It might cure the cancer. In Marnie’s case, it more than likely would. But it’d make her feel sick and weak as it rampaged through her body, killing everything in its path as well as the cancer cells. Its lethal effects would linger in her blood for years.

A feeling of utter blackness caught me by surprise. I needed to snap out of this.

The little girl looked at me as though sensing something was different. I smiled back. This wasn’t helping her at all. From somewhere I dragged up the right air of comforting cheerfulness and found the right words. As I fixed and checked the drip, the good nurse that I was – like the smiling angels who visited every day while Mum was dying – came back.

Afterwards I leaned against the wall outside the ward and breathed in the familiar smell of detergent mingled with hints of coffee from the machine down the corridor. We all had bad days when the stresses of the job got to us. No point dwelling on it. The clock on the wall opposite told a depressing story, though. I had hours before my shift finished.

A toddler whizzed past me, followed by his mother, one hand on his jumper and the other dragging the stand with his drip behind them. She gave me a smile as she went by, happy because her son was happy. I smiled back.

Coffee. Maybe that would help. I had green tea sachets in my locker. They were much healthier but… Fuck it. I wanted coffee and, anyway, some new research showed it could protect against liver cancer. However, the machine swallowed my money and gave nothing back in exchange. A bland green message told me to take my non-existent drink and have a nice day. I kicked it, startling a trainee who was scuttling past me clutching a pile of files.

‘Top tip,’ I called after her. ‘Never put money in this thing. The odds are worse than fruit machines.’ I banged it with the flat of my hand as she turned to answer.

Meghan put her sleek head out of the ward office and caught me assaulting the machine.

‘It’s a thief and a liar,’ I said by way of explanation.

Her lips twitched as the trainee took the opportunity to slip away.

‘Nurse Wistman,’ she said. ‘Could you punish it quietly?’

‘Yes, Sister March,’ I said, and gave a sardonic curtsey.

I thought she was going to laugh but she stuck her tongue out at me instead. Its gold stud glinted in the cold light of the corridor. She came out and shut the door behind her. Sweet and spicy, the traces of her perfume warmed the air. Her amusement showed in the dark eyes she’d inherited from her mother although her stocky figure marked her out as her father’s daughter. Her black hair could have come from either side of the family but her Midlands accent and determination were entirely her own. She was my best friend – had been since we first met in primary school – as well as my boss.

‘Phiney,’ she said. ‘I was going to come and find you.’

‘Well, Meghan, here I am.’ I gave the machine a last smack and it vibrated for a few seconds as though moaning about its treatment.

‘You OK?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You seem pretty grumpy.’

‘No, I’m not.’

She raised an eyebrow at the annoyance in my voice.

‘You are, you know, Phiney. And you have been for quite a while!’

I looked away from her and at the clock. The one in the corridor was the old-fashioned type with hands whose movement was imperceptible.

‘Work getting to you?’ she asked.

‘I’m fine. I love my job,’ I said. ‘I mean, who’d do it if they didn’t?’

Meghan narrowed her eyes but let me off further interrogation.

‘Going to netball tonight?’ she asked as she leaned back against the door to push it open.

‘I guess so.’

‘How about a drink afterwards?’

I wasn’t sure. My momentary inability to deal with Marnie had shaken me and I fancied a bit of time to myself to think about it. Meghan was right. I had been a bit irritable for the last few weeks. I guessed the worry about the tests had been nibbling away at my unconscious mind.

She saw the doubt in my face and misunderstood its source. ‘We could go to the Zanzibar if you like,’ she said.

The Zanzibar had fabulous non-alcoholic cocktails and a great range of teas plus smoking was forbidden – even outside on the terrace. Meghan knew me well.

‘All right,’ I said.

Maybe keeping the whole thing secret had been a mistake. I could have told Meghan and made her promise not to tell Grandad. She’d have done that for me. In fact, she still would. I’d tell her tonight.

‘I mean, great.’

‘You are OK, aren’t you?’

‘Sure. I didn’t sleep so well.’ This, at least, was true.

The hours of my shift ticked away on the ward clocks. I put in drips, checked patients, chatted to parents and took bloods. It was all fine, except the bloods. The sight of the vials made me remember my own at the test centre in Birmingham. It had looked just like every other sample of blood I’d ever seen but I hadn’t been able to stop staring at it and wondering if the seeds of illness were hiding in there.

My phone rang while I was explaining the potential side-effects of chemo to a new patient’s father. I’d forgotten to turn it off when I arrived. The caller ID told me it was Grandad but I knew it wasn’t. It was Dora, his wife, my step-grandmother, and a right royal pain in the neck. She always rang on their landline whereas Grandad used his mobile from the privacy of his shed. She’d be back from her coach tour and ringing to nag me about coming to see them. I probably should but Derbyshire was a long way and, once again, I wished they hadn’t decided to move there from Coventry when Grandad retired.

I let the call go to answering machine, knowing I wouldn’t call her back, then sloped off to the staffroom – empty for once – made myself a cup of green tea and stuck my head out of the only window on the ward that opened. Anything to escape the tired smell of air that had been passed through too many sets of lungs.

‘Nurse Wistman?’ It was the trainee at the door. Pale and slightly sweaty, her hair had escaped from its band.

‘Yup.’

‘Sister March sent me to fetch you.’

‘OK, thanks.’ I made a huge effort. ‘It’s your first week, isn’t it?’ I looked at her name badge. ‘Shona. Welcome to the madness that is paediatric oncology.’

Shona laughed. Her pointy face relaxed.

‘And call me “Phiney”. We’re not very formal here.’

Meghan’s door was open. She stood at the window, her finger tracing the trickle of a drop of moisture trapped between the panes of the double-glazing.

‘Phiney. Er… sit down.’

She looked pretty twitchy compared to this morning. What had happened?

I noticed she was sipping a coffee.

‘Did you get that from the machine? How?’ I asked.

‘There was a cup stuck. You reach up and give it a twist and it comes free. I’ll show you next time.’

‘Nothing works round here.’

‘Have mine.’

I shook my head.

‘Anyway, that’s not why I asked Shona to find you.’

She shut the door and sat in the chair beside me.

‘Your grandmother called.’

‘I don’t think so. Both my grandmothers are dead.’

It was a stupid thing to say because we both knew who she meant but I was irritated that Dora had started bothering Meghan when she couldn’t get through to me. A tinge of guilt coloured my thoughts too. Maybe I should have called her back.

‘Your step-grandmother, then.’ A momentary blip of annoyance broke through her look of concern. ‘What is her name? I can never remember it and you always call her “my grandad’s wife”. She’s Welsh, isn’t she? Like my dad?’

‘Dora.’

‘That’s right. It’s not a very Welsh name.’

‘And she’s not very adorable either. So her parents chose badly in every way.’

‘Anyway, Dora called.’ Meghan breathed in through clenched teeth. ‘Shit, Phiney, how am I supposed to do this? Listen. Your grandfather is dead.’ She put an arm round my shoulder and the warmth of her skin soaked through the thin material of my scrubs.

My brain came to a halt. Words with no meaning came out of my mouth.

‘Don’t be stupid. Of course he isn’t.’

‘Phiney.’

‘She’s lying. I’ll call her. I guess that’s what she wants anyway. That’s why she said he was dead. Typical… Bloody typical… She’ll do anything to get her own way…’

My voice stuttered into silence as a few sluggish thoughts waded into my brain.

Something had just happened. What had just happened?

Meghan’s arm tightened round my shoulders. It felt like a vice rather than a comfort.

Why was she trying to comfort me?

‘Phiney, I’m sorry but she wouldn’t lie.’ Meg’s voice was soft but firm. ‘Not about that. Your grandad is dead.’

I watched her mouth forming the words but the sounds were meaningless.

‘And I’m afraid you can’t ring her. That’s why she phoned me. She was just leaving. She’s on her way to see you. Her train gets into Coventry at three and she wants you to meet her.’

What was she going on about? Trains and times. Nothing made any sense.

‘I don’t understand.’

But suddenly I did. The words Meghan had said reached my brain and made their mark as clearly as the smoking brand ranchers seared onto the sides of their cattle.

Grandad was dead.

‘Your grandad was in Coventry. I guess you didn’t know. You need to go, Phiney. And now, if you’re going to get to the station on time.’

My brain split into warring thoughts.

‘There must be a mistake. It can’t be true. He was fine last time I spoke to him.’ Meghan’s eyes creased with sympathy. She knew the words were automatic jabbering. Part of me knew it too. My last efforts at denial. As common as the wobbling of my knees against the fists pushed down into them.

Was Grandad dead?

Death smells of change. Of windows opened. Of clean sheets. Of undertakers in aftershave and suits with fresh, ironed shirts doing what they have to do, while the family crowd into the kitchen and stare at each other. That is death.

Was he dead?

‘He was getting on, you know, Phiney.’

What could possibly make Megs think this was helpful?

‘Seventy-six, wasn’t it?’

She’d come to his seventieth birthday six years ago, just before he and Dora moved to Matlock, so it wasn’t a work of genius to get that right.

‘That’s nothing these days. You know that, Megs.’

Grandad was dead.

And the stupidest thought of the whole stupid, stupid day hit me: I was really and truly an orphan now.

‘Do you want me to get you a taxi?’

‘A taxi?’

‘To get to the station. To meet Dora.’

That was right. Grandad was dead and Dora was coming down.

‘I can’t see her. Please, Meghan, call her.’

‘She doesn’t have a mobile phone, does she?’

‘Shit, no.’

One thought broke through the maelstrom in my head.

‘How? How did he die?’

‘I don’t know. She didn’t say and she was in such a state I couldn’t ask.’

‘Did you say he was in Coventry?’

‘She said he was.’

Grandad was in Coventry and I hadn’t known. He hadn’t told me.

A thousand questions rose in my throat and I thought they might choke me. There was no point asking Meghan. She’d told me everything she knew. Only one person had the answers and she was about to arrive at Coventry Station.

I had to go. I had to get to the station. The station. Quickest route to the station?

‘You OK?’

The route to the station came back to me. I forced myself to stand.

‘I’ll be fine. I’m going to the station.’

‘I’ll call a taxi.’

‘It’ll be quicker to walk at this time of day.’

‘I’ll come with you.’

‘No. I’ll be fine.’

I had to get moving. Couldn’t hang around. The sooner I went, the sooner I’d be able to find out what had happened. I pushed Meghan’s arm away and headed for the door.

‘Phiney?’

What now?

‘Phiney.’ Meghan hesitated. ‘It’s a big shock, you know. Something like this.’

I waited for her to say something kind.

‘So try and remember that when you see Dora. She’ll be very shaken up.’

Chapter Two: Phiney Wistman

14 June 2017

The day after the reunion

I should have taken a taxi. The lovely weather had brought everybody outside. I pushed through tour parties beside the cathedral and dodged round the students in the Esplanade, dipping their hands in the fountains and flicking water over each other. A farmers’ market clogged the shopping centre. Normally, I’d have stopped to enjoy the sharp smells of goat’s cheese and thyme, maybe bought a couple of soft-skinned peaches and watched the crepe lady produce lace-thin pancakes with a twist of her wrist, but today the city where I’d lived all my life felt alien and the people gathering in its streets were obstacles.

Grandad was dead.

And I wasn’t going to get to the station in time. I started to run.

Grandad was dead.

My feet beat out the words on the bone-dry pavements and they started to sink into my being, leaving only the unanswered questions to trouble me. What had happened? How had he died? I leaned forward on my feet and ran faster, careering in between queues of slow-moving cars and into the station. Dora’s train was pulling in on the far platform and my feet kept me running up onto the wide bridge over the track and to the top of the steps where the surge of passengers leaving the train engulfed me. I stopped.

Dora was waiting on the platform, her head darting this way and that as the crowd parted around her. She stuck out, but then she always did. Maybe it was her height, maybe the awkwardness with which she moved, or perhaps her clothes. Today she wore a massive mackintosh. She had a thing for capacious outdoor wear and big pleated skirts. She thought they disguised her hips, which were large and worried her. I knew that because she always glanced at them in shop windows and looked a bit depressed. Anyway, she didn’t need the mackintosh. The sky was blue, no rain had been forecast for days and the air was full of the smells of a city summer – diesel and chips and hot skin.

She married Grandad during the years between my father’s death and my mother’s, although he’d known her for ages through a dog-walking service she ran. Grandad always had an assistance dog, trained to fetch things and put them away, to carry his shopping – the latest, Jack, could even open and close doors for him – but Grandad wasn’t up to walking very far so Dora had exercised them.

Mum and I thought he was joking when he told us he was marrying her.

‘The Welsh dragon!’ she said to him. ‘Ha ha. Very funny, Dad.’

‘You’ll have to stop calling her that. And stop Phiney too.’

‘Come on.’

‘She won’t expect you to call her “Mum”. We’ve discussed it.’

‘You are serious.’

‘Although it would be nice if Phiney could call her “Gran”.’

‘But Dad… Why?’

He narrowed his eyes and jerked his head towards me.

Later Mum told me to call her ‘Aunt Dora’, which was quite a surprise. I’d forgotten her real name. I’d had a childhood obsession with dragons, you see. And Dora with her green mac and the knitted scarf that hung lumpily down her back had been a casualty of it. The mac and the scarf were long gone but her protruding jaw and pointy bun hairstyle were still features.

I hesitated on the steps. The reality of her presence down below, the bony, restless fingers smoothing the unconvincing jet-black hair scraped onto the top of her head, shook me.

Grandad was dead.

If Dora was here, it must be true.

She saw me.

‘Phiney,’ she screamed as she pushed her way over to the steps, stumbling over people’s feet and wheelie bags. ‘Oh God. I thought you weren’t coming. Thank you for coming. I haven’t got any money. Left my purse at home. Didn’t think. A nice lady in the seat next to me bought me a cup of tea.’

Nothing changed her. Not even catastrophe. She had no filter. Whatever came into her mind came out of her mouth. Annoyance and pity fought in my head. She was devastated, I told myself. The explosion of words was her way of showing it.

She tripped once again, saved herself by grabbing the handrail and swinging her body round so she landed on the bottom step with a squeal that mutated into a storm of muttering. ‘The police came this morning… I couldn’t believe it… Mr Wilfred Patterson, they said, dead.’

A young man helped her heave herself to her feet and she clung to the rail as she stared up at me. Her mouth quivered round each breath and she blinked her eyes rapidly. She was about to cry but was making a superhuman effort not to. My irritation faded and I walked down the last few steps to claim my one remaining link to Grandad.

She flung her arms round me, smothering me in the plastic smell of her mac until I patted her back gently and she disengaged.

‘Grandad?’ I said. ‘What happened?’

She fumbled in her pocket, whipped out a handkerchief and patted the puffy skin round her eyes. ‘Not now,’ she said and staggered off over the bridge. I tore after her, anger drying up the flow of sympathy. Not now. How could she say that to me? I caught up as she stumbled down the steps and out into the concourse and made a massive effort to be nice.

‘Please. You have to tell me.’

‘Oh, Phiney. It’s too dreadful.’ She turned, looked back up the steps and shuddered. ‘He fell off a bridge. At Tile Park railway station. I need to get out of here.’

She flung herself through the doors and out into the sunshine. I stared back at the bridge we’d just walked across. How was that possible? How could Grandad have fallen off a bridge? I ran after her.

‘Tile Park?’

‘Yes.’ She threw the word over her shoulder at me.

Tile Park was a little backwater, set in the countryside on the outskirts of Coventry.

‘But how and what was he doing in Tile Park anyway?’

A high-speed London train drowned out her reply as it tore through the station.

‘What?’ She stopped and faced me. ‘I thought you’d know. Didn’t he come down to see you?’

‘I didn’t even know he was down here.’

Her face shifted as though a horde of ants were racing around beneath her skin.

‘You must have,’ she said finally and started along the pavement towards the bus station. People scuttled out of her way.

‘No, I didn’t.’ And then because I didn’t want to have one of those stupid pantomime arguments. ‘How did it happen?’

She gave no sign of having heard me as she strode past the bus stops, looking at the numbers.

‘How did it happen?’ I asked again when I caught up with her. She hesitated. She gazed at me as though she’d forgotten I was with her, then shook her head.

‘He didn’t even tell me he was going away. I got back this morning and he wasn’t there.’

None of this made any sense.

‘I went on a trip. Coach, you know. With Gillian. Scarborough and the North Yorkshire coast. Got home midday.’

‘I know, I know. Grandad told me you were going away.’

‘And two policemen were waiting and told me Wilf… Wilf was dead. Right. I think we’ll have to get a taxi.’

‘A taxi?’

‘Have you got money? I don’t know how much it will be?’

‘I’ve got money.’

‘How much?’

‘I don’t know. Anyway, they all take cards these days. So it doesn’t matter.’

She charged towards the taxi rank. I raced after her.

‘Where are we going?’

‘The police station.’

An awful thought struck me. ‘We’re not going to identify the body, are we?’

The people in the taxi queue turned to look at us then swiftly turned away.

‘No. They said I wouldn’t need to.’

‘What else did they say?’

‘Nothing but a lot of rubbish.’

‘What!’

‘That’s why I had to come down. To put them right. The two idiot police from Matlock knew nothing.’

‘What needs putting right? I don’t get it.’

‘Just wait, can’t you, Phiney? Let me sort it out and then it will be clear.’

I started to stutter some kind of answer but she swept a glance over the bystanders. Maybe now was not the best time.

‘Besides,’ she went on. ‘They told me to come straightaway, of course.’

I asked the question I knew the listeners in the queue, despite looking everywhere but at us, were egging me on to ask. ‘Why?’

‘To pick up Jack.’

‘Jack was with Grandad? When it happened?’

But it was a stupid question. Of course he was. He went everywhere with Grandad. And the thought of Jack alone in some crappy police station, surrounded by people he didn’t know, after seeing Grandad fall to his death, almost finished me. I took a few wobbly gulps of air. ‘Let’s go get him,’ I said.

The queue parted as one to let us pass to the front.

Chapter Three: Phiney Wistman

14 June 2017

The day after the reunion

Jack was waiting for us in a tiny room lined with noticeboards that served as the reception at the police station. It smelled of lemon disinfectant overlaying the acid vestiges of vomit. A thump of Jack’s tail acknowledged our arrival but the rest of him was focused on the entrance. He was waiting for Grandad. Dora fumbled with the catches on his harness and once she’d removed it, along with the pouches clipped onto either side, he lay down and let himself be petted without much enthusiasm.

‘Lovely dog.’ A policeman leaned through the hatch. ‘Very distinctive eyes.’

Jack had one blue eye and one brown.

‘Heterochromia,’ Dora said but I interrupted her before she could embark on a long explanation of the condition.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘We’re here to see… Who are we here to see?’

I looked over at Dora. I hadn’t been able to question her in the taxi because she’d sat in the front and told the driver the best way to go, so the sooner we got on with this meeting the better.

‘Could he have some water?’ she asked.

‘We offered him some earlier but he wouldn’t look at it.’

‘He was working,’ Dora explained. ‘Now I’ve taken his harness off, he knows work is over. He’ll only drink when he’s working if my husband tells him it’s alright.’ Her voice cracked. The policeman looked alarmed.

‘I’ll ring through and let DC McCulloch know you’re here, and then I’ll fetch him some water if you leave him with me. It is Mrs Patterson, isn’t it?’

Dora nodded and blew her nose. The policeman looked at me.

‘Our granddaughter, Josephine. Josephine Wistman.’

I didn’t correct her. I hadn’t since Grandad begged me to stop.

Grandad was dead.

I’d never again be able to take a cup of tea out to him in his shed and watch him fit the intricate parts of one of the clocks he made together while I chatted about everything and nothing. I bit the inside of my mouth and tried to breathe calmly.

A connecting door buzzed and a woman wearing spectacles on a chain peered round and looked questioningly at us. The policeman introduced us. She was DC McCulloch and, in her pale pink blouse and light blue skirt with a limp trimming of darker lace, she didn’t look a bit like my idea of a police constable. She had the same vague smile as one of my tutors at uni who always believed the excuses we dredged up for late assignments. She beckoned us through, asking Dora how she was and how the journey had been. Her smile withstood the onslaught of Dora’s reply – the weather, too hot – the trains, not what they used to be – the price of a sandwich, shocking. We traipsed up the corridor. Dora spied the door to the toilet and whisked inside, muttering something about too much tea.

DC McCulloch and I looked at each other.

‘Your grandmother’s putting on a brave face.’

I nodded. She smelled faintly of lily of the valley.

‘How did my Grandad die?’

Her eyes creased. ‘Hasn’t Mrs Patterson told you?’

‘No. She said he’d fallen off a bridge.’

‘Ah.’

I waited.

‘It would be better if we discussed it all when Mrs Patterson is here.’

Her lips set themselves in a firm line. Shit. What was going on?

‘Do you want to go and see if she’s all right?’ DC McCulloch interrupted my thoughts.

I shoved the door open. It smashed straight into Dora as she came out. She staggered and put her hands to her face but claimed she was fine, although her nose was a bit red.

DC McCulloch ushered us into an office and sat behind the desk. Dora dithered between two chairs. She chose one and sat down, then stood up, removed her mac and her cardigan and straightened her skirt, sat down and then stood up again to put the cardigan back on. DC McCulloch smiled at her encouragingly. I gritted my teeth.

‘Well, here we are,’ Dora said.

DC McCulloch’s smile stiffened. ‘It must be a very difficult time for you, Mrs Patterson, and for you, er, Josephine.’ She’d forgotten my surname, I thought. ‘So, thank you for coming to collect your dog. If there’s anything we can do to help, please say. There are organisations that can assist you with practical matters and also provide trained counsellors. Coming to terms with something like this can be very hard on the family and I’d strongly recommend you talk to someone about it. Perhaps not straightaway but sometime soon.’

Dora said nothing. In fact, she started rummaging in her bag.

‘I expect you have some questions for me.’ DC McCulloch gave me a look.

‘How did the accident happen?’ I asked immediately.

DC McCulloch sighed. It was almost imperceptible. A slight puckering of parted lips and a hiss of breath carrying a faint tang of toffee. ‘I’m afraid this wasn’t an accident, Josephine.’ She chewed the end of her pen and looked at Dora as though waiting for her to speak but Dora had taken a handkerchief from her bag and pressed it to her mouth and nose. ‘I’m really sorry,’ DC McCulloch said, turning to me. ‘But your grandfather took his own life. It was suicide.’

Suicide. The word hit me like a great wave, washing my thoughts away and leaving nothing but a dull roaring behind.

Dora was silent. She knew. That was all I could think. She knew. All the time. At the station. In the taxi. She knew and she hadn’t told me. She muttered something. The handkerchief muffled it but the words were clear enough.

‘It wasn’t suicide,’ she said. ‘I told them they’d made a mistake.’

‘Mrs Patterson, I understand how hard it is to accept, but there can be no doubt.’

‘No,’ Dora said. ‘Wilf wouldn’t.’

She was right. Of course she was. There was no way Grandad would do that. It was all a terrible mistake.

‘Mrs Patterson.’ DC McCulloch ploughed on regardless. Clearly, she’d had the same training as I’d had about giving bad news. ‘Your husband walked to the barrier and climbed over it. He stood on the bridge for a while looking down and then, as the train was about to pass under the bridge, he stepped off. We have a statement from an eyewitness. It was deliberate. There can be no doubt.’

A thought flashed through my brain. ‘Are you sure it was him?’

‘Yes.’

‘It would have been very difficult for him to climb over anything. He was disabled, you know. He had polio as a child. His legs didn’t work properly.’

‘We are sure. He was wearing a leg brace and had ID on him. He climbed over at a place where a car had buckled the railings.’ She paused. ‘Mrs Patterson has already identified him from a photo. It’s just his face. If you think it would help, I can show it to you. He looks deeply asleep, that’s all.’

I nodded and she passed the photo to me.

It was Grandad. No doubt about it. His eyes were closed and part of the left side of his face was covered. The skin seemed tighter over his bones than it had in life but that only emphasised the lines of his face and made him look more like himself than ever.

Dora said something indistinct through the mask of her handkerchief.

‘Pardon?’

She pulled it off her face and spoke again. ‘The eyewitness. I want to talk to him. Or her.’

A sweet metallic scent. DC McCulloch gasped. Blood was trickling out from Dora’s nose and gathering in the corners of her mouth. The door I’d smashed into her face had actually hurt her.

Chapter Four: Phiney Wistman

14 June 2017

The day after the reunion

When Dora’s nose wouldn’t stop bleeding, the police took us and Jack to a hospital close by with an A&E full to bursting even though I told them it would be fine. Dora sat dabbing at her nose and rattling through the events of the day, time after time – getting home, the police waiting for her, coming to Coventry – then turning to me and muttering how it couldn’t be suicide. Over and over again. I said nothing. I was beyond speaking, beyond piecing together my shattered thoughts to produce sentences. Eventually, the bleeding stopped of its own accord and we got up and left.

‘We can always go back if it starts again,’ she said. ‘But I can’t sit there any longer.’

For once I was in total agreement with her.

‘Which way?’ she asked when we were back on the pavement.

‘Which way to where?’

She didn’t have an answer.

The midsummer sun, still high in the sky, bathed the trees in the park opposite. The world felt wrong. ‘Maybe you should go home?’ I said at last. ‘What time are the trains?’

‘I can’t go home. Not until I’ve spoken to this eyewitness, this Matthew Torrington.’

Her hands gripped the railing outside the hospital as though daring me to get rid of her. We’d argued in front of DC McCulloch about Matthew Torrington, the man who’d seen Grandad jump to his death. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet him. Or, at least, not straightaway. I wanted a bit of time alone to… Well, I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but I needed to be alone to think and that meant getting rid of Dora. So, when I realised she wasn’t going anywhere until she’d won the argument, I’d agreed to let DC McCulloch contact him and give him my mobile number in case he was prepared to meet us.

‘Let’s go back to your flat and have a cup of tea while we wait.’

‘We can get a cup of tea in the park,’ I said, unwilling to let her install herself in my flat. ‘There’s no point going all the way over to mine and Jack could do with a run.’

He looked up from where he was sitting on the pavement, as close to Dora as he could get.

Dora sniffed then put a panicky hand up to her nose. It was OK, although the dried blood round her nostrils combined with her darting eyes and the hair escaping from her bun made her look like a victim of domestic violence. We trudged through the park towards the café by the crazy golf course. She winced every now and then and limped. Her shoes – black leather with a heel and a shine – were the kind of thing old people think you should wear with a skirt. They’re no use for walking, though, and what is the point of a pair of shoes if you can’t walk in them? I had trainers on.

Dora gave up when we were halfway there and sat on a bench under the trees, easing her right foot out of the shoe.

‘You wait here,’ I said. ‘I’ll get a couple of takeaway teas and bring them back. I won’t be long.’

‘Take Jack. And leave me your phone.’

‘Why?’

‘In case Matthew Torrington calls. You said I was the one who had to talk to him.’

I handed my phone over. ‘Only answer it if it doesn’t recognise the number.’ I didn’t want her speaking to any of my friends.

She looked at me blankly and I gave up. I ran a few hundred yards with Jack then dodged behind a tree, where Dora couldn’t see me. I leaned back against its warm knobbly bark and tried to organise my mushy brain.

‘It’s shock, you know,’ I said to Jack. ‘I’m a nurse, so I know these things.’

But knowing didn’t make my brain work any better. It bounced around like a two-year-old after too many sweets.

Grandad was dead and Grandad had killed himself.

It made no sense. He’d spent so much of his life fighting illness and death. I couldn’t believe he’d have given up.

Another thought came to me.

He of all people knew how devastating his death would be for me and for Dora. Especially suicide. He wouldn’t do that to us. He couldn’t do that to us.

No. I thought Dora might be right. There’d been a mistake. He must have slipped and fallen. Or his leg had given way and he’d overbalanced. We needed to talk to this Matthew Torrington person and get out of him exactly what he had seen. I mean, how could he be so sure it was suicide? He was probably old and a bit past it. Confused, even.

I bought tea for Dora and some water for me – in a plastic bottle, which was all they had – and went back. She waved me to hurry as soon as she saw me. She was talking on my phone.

‘Memorial Park,’ she said. ‘The Earlsdon side. We’re on some benches. Under the trees.’ She paused. ‘Ten minutes, then. Yes, of course, we’ll wait.’

She gave me my phone and took her tea.

‘He’s coming to see us now.’

‘Here!’

‘Well, I didn’t want to walk any more.’

She sipped at her tea, pulled a face and put it on the ground. ‘Stewed,’ she said and straightened the pleats of her skirt, brushing off the specks of pollen that were floating down onto us from the trees clustered around the benches. It was a stupid place to put seats. Things fell off the trees all the time: bits of twig, old leaves and the occasional cone from the huge pine whose resinous scent cut through the air. Plus the planners had forgotten that birds spend a lot of time in trees and wherever birds perch, they also shit. All in all, it wasn’t a great place to meet the eyewitness to Grandad’s fall.

Snarky words came to my lips but I caught sight of Dora’s hands. They were still smoothing the pleats of her skirt but they shook. Tiny little tremors that blurred their outline. She was nuts. And irritating. And often impossible. But she loved Grandad and the thought that he’d killed himself was too much for her to bear.

I passed her a couple of napkins and a bottle of water. ‘You’ve got dried blood all over your nose. Let’s try and wash it off before he gets here.’

We dabbed away until the worst came off.

A tentative voice interrupted us.

‘Mrs Patterson?’

Matthew Torrington wasn’t old and confused. He was around my own age, I guessed, and tall, although slightly stooped as if he were apologising for his existence. He had the sort of pale skin I associate with red hair except his was light brown and massively curly, like a mane around his head. He looked vaguely familiar but I’d come across a lot of people at work.

Dora nodded and gestured for him to sit with a jerky hand but he eyed the bird-shit-spattered bench at a right angle to ours and looked doubtful. I passed him some of the wodge of napkins I’d lifted from the café and hoped they’d protect his suit trousers and white shirt from the worst of the mess. Had he changed into them as some mark of respect for us? He looked deeply uncomfortable. The trousers were slightly too tight around his slightly too large waist and his cheeks were stained red either from embarrassment or walking from the car park. He really needed to do some exercise. Didn’t he know how important it was to stay fit?

‘Thank you,’ Dora said to him. ‘Thank you for coming to talk to us.’

‘Er, no problem. I’m sorry… I mean… It’s not a problem.’

Dora interrupted him. ‘No,’ she said in a sharp tone. ‘Leave it alone.’

He looked startled.

‘Jack,’ I said, and pointed to the dog. He was eyeing up a confident pigeon approaching us to check we had no biscuits with our tea. We’d sat here so long Jack had decided it was our space and needed keeping clear.

‘My husband’s dog,’ Dora said.

‘I know. I’ve met him.’ He made a clicking noise with his tongue, which Jack ignored. He flushed still redder.

‘Mr Torrington,’ Dora said.

‘Mat,’ he said swiftly.

‘Er, Mat. The police said you were there when – when my husband – when the accident happened.’ She said the word accident very firmly and with a short, chopping movement of her hand.

Mat hunched forward and rubbed his thumbs together. The skin round the nails was dry and rough. His aftershave was overwhelming. I leaned away.

‘Mrs Patterson. I’m afraid… I’m really very, very sorry but it couldn’t have been an accident. I know how terrible it must be for you but it wasn’t, it really wasn’t, an accident.’

The police had briefed him, I thought.

‘Rubbish. My husband was –’

I talked over her. ‘Could you just tell us what happened? Everything. All the details. No matter how insignificant they seem to you.’

He looked doubtful.

‘We’re struggling to believe it,’ I added.

He took a deep breath and stared with unfocused eyes into the distance. I wished I could see what he was seeing.

‘I was waiting for a train into town, on my way back from interviewing someone for a story, and I was writing up the notes on the platform. I’m a journalist, you see. Only freelance although the BBC sometimes use me.’

I knew why his face was familiar. I’d seen him on TV reporting about local things. Alarm prickled along my skin. ‘We’re not a story, you know. If you’re talking to us because you want to write an article, you can leave now.’

‘Of course not. That’s not why I’m here.’ But a deeper red tinged his cheeks and I suspected the thought had crossed his mind.

Dora waved her arm at him as though to say, Go on.

‘Mr Patterson sat down by me,’ he continued, ‘but I was so concentrated on getting the story to the Coventry Telegraph I didn’t notice. Anyway, I finished. A couple of trains were cancelled and I made some comment to Mr Patterson about his dog.’

‘Yes,’ Dora said. ‘How was he?’

Mat shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’m sorry, Mrs Patterson. We were two people waiting for a train. I didn’t pay much attention. Another train was cancelled and he… he seemed to see me for the first time and he asked me if that meant the fast train would be the next one through.’ The flush returned to his cheeks and he shifted on the seat. ‘Are you sure you want me to go on?’

‘Yes,’ Dora said. Her eyes were half closed.

‘I told him, yes, the next train through would be the fast one and he… got up. And he said he’d better be going then. There was no point waiting any longer. He sort of said it to himself so I didn’t pay much attention. He went out of the station and I noticed he walked with a limp.’

‘He had polio as a child,’ I said.

‘But he didn’t let that stop him.’ Dora’s voice was fierce. ‘He wouldn’t let it make a difference.’

It wasn’t quite as simple as that. Grandad was often in massive pain. His life had been endless operations and procedures and tough physio to keep him walking.

‘Are you sure you want to hear the rest?’ Mat asked.

Dora nodded and he continued, using his body as a shield to block any curious looks from the walkers on the main path. He spoke quietly but we hung on his every word.

We learned nothing DC McCulloch hadn’t told us in the police station but hearing it from Mat’s mouth, in Mat’s words, Mat who’d been there, who had watched Grandad drag himself up the steps out of the station and then limp along the bridge over the railway, gave it shape and solidity.

He had a journalist’s eye for detail and he told us every bit of it. At the top of the bridge, Grandad had looked over the edge. Mat hadn’t thought anything of it. ‘People look over all the time,’ he said.

‘You must have been watching him very closely,’ I said, clinging onto a faint hope that Mat was – well, not inventing exactly, but colouring in the gaps between the things he’d actually seen. ‘Why?’

He fiddled with the rough skin on his fingers before speaking. ‘I’m sorry, but it was because of his limp and his dog. I wrote some articles about polio for a local museum. People’s life stories as part of their exhibition to commemorate the sixtieth anniversary of the Coventry polio epidemic. They were very interesting and I was thinking about them and watching Mr Patterson at the same time. Besides, there was nothing else to watch. The station was deserted.’ He gave me a slightly sharper look. ‘I’m only telling you what I saw, you know.’

I nodded.

‘Then,’ Mat continued, ‘he walked back a bit. Tied Jack to the barrier.’ He paused. ‘Are you sure about this?’

‘Go on,’ Dora said, but she huddled into herself, pushing her hands up the sleeves of her mac.

‘We need to hear the truth,’ I said. ‘Every bit of it.’ But the image of Grandad tying Jack up had sent chills spiking up my arms. He never tied him up. Jack was too well trained to need it.

‘The train appeared in the distance. Mr Patterson sort of swung his leg over and stood for a second. I thought then… Never mind. It doesn’t matter what I thought. He stepped off. He folded his arms and stepped off.’

He stopped. A film of sweat gleamed on the skin above his eyebrows.

My head was full of memories of Grandad folding his arms. Folding his arms at Mum’s funeral. Folding his arms when he told me he was going to need another operation. Folding his arms when I failed every GCSE the year after Mum’s death. I knew what his face would have looked like when he stepped off the bridge. It would have been the same expression he always wore when he folded his arms. A look of patient determination to get through whatever had just been thrown at him. A tremor shook deep inside me. I started to believe in his suicide.

Mat leaned forward and patted Dora’s arm.

She was weeping. Tears ran down her face and dropped onto her hands, for once lying motionless on her skirt.