Austria.Karl E-Book

Elias Schneitter

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Seitenzahl: 55

Beschreibung

Author Elias Schneitter masters quite supremely the dramatic art of portraying the overlooked and the apparently petty and trivial. This is particularly true of Schneitter’s anthology of short narratives entitled Austria. Karl. The story chosen for InTranslation is all about “Judge Georgie” who in a very revealing monolog points the accusatory finger at the world, complaining about everything in general and Austria (otherwise referred to in Austria as Karl), foreigners, the government and the snails in his garden in particular. He is certainly not a judge by profession but is a notorious grumbler, who never minces his words and freely gives vent to his many blind prejudices. He always blames others for the unfortunate twists and turns his life has taken, never questioning his own decisions or views. The story of Judge Georgie is one of self-deception and self-justification. It is just one of several internal monologs that make up this anthology that also features Ernst who reflects on his former career on a cruise liner and Walter, the hippy in the military uniform. Elias Schneitter is very much interested in the “man on the street” and the contradictions that define them. He describes his characters with laconic wit, but always treats them with respect and empathy. Isabelle Esser

Leseprobe

Edition BAES

www.edition-baes.com

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

1

You can’t be expected to put up with everything life throws at you.

I mean, where would that get us?

There’s only so much you can take.

Those paper pushers in the admin office looked like proper Charlies.

They should know better than to mess with Judge Georgie.

No-one messes with Judge Georgie, the traveling salesman, even if I am retired, a decommissioned traveling salesman, so to speak.

As a rule, I’m as gentle as a lamb, it’s just when injustice rears its ugly head that people see my darker side.

And believe me, I don’t care if it’s the Emperor of China sitting in front of me.

I don’t give a hoot because justice is justice.

And I’ve lived by this principle all my life.

I could’ve said to myself, what do I care about my wife’s decrepit aunt?

After all, she’s just another bed-ridden wrinkly.

She’s not even right in the head anymore.

She’s completely lost her marbles.

You should hear some of the stories she comes out with.

It’s almost tragic.

But that’s not the point.

Her health insurance refused to pay for her incontinence pads and diapers, even though she keeps wetting the bed because she’s incontinent.

Imagine that! I just could not believe it! They didn’t want to pay for the diapers of an old sick woman because it was no longer their remit, they said.

It’s things like that that make my blood boil.

I can’t help myself.

I kicked that stupid little krank’s ass, you know, the one in the office.

Now, auntie gets her incontinence pads and diapers for free again.

She could have afforded to pay for them herself, of course.

She’s not exactly poor.

In fact, my eyes nearly popped out my head when I saw her savings.

Her husband had a successful business, you see.

When it was sold, after he’d popped his clogs, she earned some big bucks… The business was sold abroad, to Germany… Anyway, as I was saying, I could’ve told myself not to bother with my wife’s aunt.

But things like that just get to me… I mean, we all know what it’s like with these bureaucrats.

I could write volumes about it.

And when I think of all the hassle I had when I retired.

It doesn’t bear thinking about, because when I do start thinking about it, well… Georgie, switch off dear, says my wife, when I get too hot under the collar.

There’s no point in getting flustered, it will only affect your health.

And it won’t change anything anyway, she says.

But that’s easier said than done, especially when you’ve always lived your life by the book and then you see them squandering it all and running everything into the ground.

I want to enjoy my retirement.

Even though I’ve had some great times over the years, surely that can’t have been it?

So that’s why I tell myself to remain calm and keep my feet planted firmly on the ground.

Even though that’s easier said than done.

I just have to start thinking of those diapers.

2

Now that I’m a pensioner, time doesn’t seem to tick by any more slowly.

Not with me anyway.

I’ve got plenty to do, more than plenty.

It’s not for nothing that they say that pensioners are always busy.

I suppose in that sense, I never really retired in the way that people normally do.

But then again, many can’t cope with retirement.

Simply because they feel superfluous.

That’s why so many die of heart attacks within the first year because they simply don’t know what else to do.

Well, I can’t say that’s been true of me in the past two years.

But then, I didn’t really retire properly.

I still give my old boss a hand every now and then.

And then, of course, there’s plenty of work to do in the house and garden.

There’s always something in need of repair, always work to do in the vegetable patch.

The vegetable patch is my hobby.

But what I can’t stand are those slugs gobbling up my lettuce.

I collected a whole pail full of them yesterday and threw them in the canal.

When I got back from vacation – what’s a vacation to a pensioner? - you should’ve seen the state the garden was in – all because of those slimy critters.

But what can you do?

I’m still going on vacation.

Those slugs aren’t going to stop me.

We go every year – a whole group of us.

This time round, we were away for three weeks.

Otherwise, it wouldn’t have been worth the money.

Burma, Bangkok, Thailand.

Really beautiful places.

It’s really worth seeing.

But you should see the squalor.

Living where we do, it’s difficult to imagine.

My buddy, Karl, says misery like that can only be eradicated with tough measures.

Politically speaking.

That’s the only way to deal with it, he says.

Radical measures from above.

We don’t know how good we’ve got it here in Austria compared to them down there.

The filth, the squalor, the poverty, it’s overwhelming… The country itself is beautiful, well what we saw of it anyway, despite the heat, but the cities, oh God, the cities… The chicks, though, they were hot.

Especially for that price.

The best thing is, there’s no arguments – not like at home with the wife – because thankfully you can’t understand a word they say.

Once I took my escort to a hotel and outside there was this kid, with no arms, he was a complete cripple.

Well, I gave him the equivalent of twenty euros. He thanked me, then snatched at the banknote with his mouth because he had no hands.

That’s poverty for you.

Our hobos are millionaires by comparison.

I felt so sorry for him that I shoved another twenty euro note in his mouth.

I didn’t say a word.

There are no words for things like that.

I’ve seen so much in my time because I’ve traveled around a fair bit.

But I’ve never seen anyone pick up money with his mouth – that was definitely a first.

These people are so friendly and they’re so grateful even for the smallest of gifts.

We were generous.

Everything’s dirt cheap there anyway.

The whole family lives off the money those hot little chicks earn.

So in a sense, I suppose you could call us aid workers.

Even when we fuck.

They do anything, they get straight to it.