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- Herausgeber: WS
- Kategorie: Abenteuer, Thriller, Horror
- Serie: My Story: She Was Imagined, Found, and Lost
- Sprache: Englisch
Crash and Burn by Michael Reid is the powerful conclusion to an emotional journey that began with Now You’re Gone and All I Ever Wanted. This final chapter plunges readers deep into the complexities of love, loss, and self-sacrifice. At its heart, the story follows a man who found everything he ever wanted in love but chose to let it go for the sake of his partner’s future happiness. Through vivid storytelling, Reid masterfully captures the highs of intense passion and the gut-wrenching lows of heartache.
The protagonist’s story takes the reader on a rollercoaster of emotions, from the thrill of meeting someone who seems to fit perfectly into his life, to the agonizing decision to walk away, knowing that staying together would only hinder his partner’s growth. But love, as unpredictable as it is, offers him a second chance. As he wrestles with the deep-seated emotions of his past, the reader experiences the full weight of his longing, regret, and hope for reconciliation.
Incorporating reflections on life’s unforeseen twists and the power of timing, Crash and Burn dives into the protagonist’s inner struggles. It explores the consequences of his choices and the internal battle between following his heart and making the selfless decision to let go. Reid’s portrayal of these emotions is both raw and relatable, offering readers a deeply personal look at the complexities of relationships and the fine line between love and loss.
Adding further depth to the emotional landscape of Crash and Burn is Reid’s poetry collection, Verses of Desire. This companion piece weaves around the three novels, capturing the essence of longing, heartbreak, and desire in poetic form. The poetry book enhances the reader’s understanding of the protagonist's emotional journey, offering lyrical reflections on the love he experienced, the pain of separation, and the ultimate crash that comes when love is lost.
For fans of heartfelt, character-driven stories, Crash and Burn is an unforgettable exploration of love’s fragility and the strength it takes to rebuild when everything falls apart. The combination of Reid’s novel and poetry collection creates a rich, multi-layered narrative that resonates long after the last page is turned. This is not just a story about love—it’s a meditation on the human condition, the sacrifices we make for those we care about, and the enduring hope that love might find its way back to us, it blends parts of fiction with lived reality from many perspectives.
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Seitenzahl: 370
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
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Michael Reid
Crash
And
Burn
My story:
She was imagined, found, and lost
FABLED
PUBLISHING
Published by FABLED PUBLISHING
First published in Great Britain
by
FABLED PUBLISHING 2024
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher:
Copyright © 2024 Michael Reid. All rights reserved.
Published by Fabled Publishing
ISBN: 9798895879399
Fabled Publishing
“Inspirational Narratives, Publishing Legends, One Page at a Time, Cultivating Creativity, Crafting Fabled Legends”
A Unique Independent Publisher based in the UK with a global presence. At Fabled Publishing, we believe that every story deserves to be told with passion, precision, and a touch of mystic magic. Nestled in the heart of the UK, we are an illuminating beacon for authors and readers alike, dedicated to bringing exceptional narratives to life transforming and elevating manuscripts transcending into timeless classics withstanding the test of time.
Every manuscript we touch becomes part of our storied, legendary legacy, forming part of the creative arts becoming Fabled with time.
Our journey is one of creativity, innovation, and unwavering commitment to the creative arts. Publishing a variety of Novels, Screenplays, Poetry and various other creative pieces for aspirational authors right across the globe. Our approach to publishing is unique, utilizing partnerships to deliver the best value with a focus on the Author and the purpose of their work first. Our goal is to continue pushing boundaries, nurturing talent, and publishing stories that resonate with audiences far and wide, from debut novelists to seasoned writers, we are committed to helping our authors achieve their goals, reaching their full potential.
At Fabled Publishing, our steadfast commitment to storytelling extends beyond traditional fiction and creative writing. We recognize the profound impact of journalism in shaping public discourse, informing communities, and uncovering truths. Through our dedicated journalism division, we uphold the principles of accuracy, integrity, and ethical reporting. Harnessing the power of written and spoken words, we strive to hold wrongdoers accountable, uncovering truths. A questioning voice often inspires profound thoughts, swaying hearts and minds, mobilizing people towards action, sparking lasting change in profound ways. Every success, a truthful testament to the power of a voice.
We deliver exceptional, provoking narratives that will withstand the many tests of time.
Copyright © 2024 Michael Reid
Michael Reid asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
This novel is and is not entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents, portrayed in this work are the authors imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental, while not being impossible.
Contributors
We extend our heartfelt gratitude to everyone who contributed to the creation of Crash And Burn, the final chapter following on from Now You’re Gone and All I Ever Wanted.
A special thank you to Lesla Traynor for designing the brilliant cover that perfectly captures the essence of our novel. We also deeply appreciate our editors for their meticulous attention to detail and the dedication they poured into shaping this story. Your efforts have made this novel an exceptional experience for our readers.
To our contributing writers, your creativity and unique voices have enriched this collection in immeasurable ways. We are grateful for your talent and commitment, which have brought this project to life with such depth and resonance bringing this story to life.
Thank you all for being a vital part of this journey.
The Story
To fully grasp the essence of the tumultuous journey depicted in this collection, it's important to delve into the narrative foundations laid in my earlier works. "Now You’re Gone.” and "All I Ever Wanted.” set the stage, each book offering glimpses into a world teetering on the edge. Although I had an idea of who she was before completing "Now You’re Gone” it wasn’t until after that book’s completion that I truly met her in the flesh.
"All I Ever Wanted.” hints at her struggles, while "Crash and Burn.” plunges deep into the emotional turmoil, shedding light on the experiences that led to her downfall. Engaging with these preceding volumes will provide a richer understanding of the complex emotions and events that inspired this novel and other works.
Complementing these narratives, "Verses of Desire: All I Ever Wanted, Now You’re Gone.” is a poetry book that weaves around the three novels. This collection of poems encapsulates the essence of longing, loss, and the intense emotions that thread through each story, offering a lyrical perspective on the profound journey from desire to despair, with hints of escapism lived experiences blending fiction and lived reality together for a real journey.
Together, these works weave a comprehensive story of passion and pain, culminating in a final chapter of profound personal significance. Imagined, found and lost blending fiction escapism and reality together, The narrative journey from longing to loss to the ultimate crash and burn reflects the intricate dance between hope and heartbreak, bringing her story to a powerful and unforgettable conclusion, no one would see coming.
Cover Design
Lesla Traynor
Contributions From Other Authors
In collaboration with Mike Reid
Michael Reid – I Loved and I Lost
Sabine Taasa – I Had to Let Go
Cindy Rosalie – You Never Knew
NOVELS
More from the author
Now You’re GoneAll I Ever WantedCrash and BurnVerses of Desire: All I Ever Wanted, Now You're GoneMaking Britain Great AgainCareer Life and Personal DevelopmentClara Romanov I – Truth Will UnfoldClara Romanov II – Deception UnveiledCrimelords – Intervention
Praise For
Crash and Burn
Stephen Mcdonald
“A mesmerizing collection that delves into profound emotion and raw intensity—Crash and Burn is a true masterpiece.”
Lewis McGregor
"An exquisite journey through the landscape of despair and resilience; Crash and Burn captivates with every page."
Claire Duncan
"Richly evocative and beautifully crafted, Crash and Burn enchants readers with its poignant storytelling and stunning imagery."
Dervent Hart
"With its powerful prose and deep resonance, Crash and Burn is an unforgettable exploration of the human heart."
Lynn Kingston
"A compelling and beautifully written novel, Crash and Burn captures the essence of desire and destruction with grace and intensity."
ADDITIONAL CONTENT
Michael Reid - I Loved and I Lost
Sabine Taasa - I Had to Let Go
Cindy Rosalie - You Never Knew
CHAPTER ONE
Searching for her
I Mike one day decided I wanted to date but not just date to one day have the potential for those dates to lead to a serious committed relationship dating is hard for anyone now a days the landscape is different to what it was years ago. Dating is dominated by a variety of apps and websites keen to take your money while promising the opportunity to connect with someone special. I nervously made a profile on the usual suspects Tinder, Badoo and POF uploading a few pictures while more importantly writing on my bio ensuring people knew who I was what I stood for and where I wanted to see my life going and hopefully get to share that journey with someone very special. Very soon I spent most of my time on Badoo as I seemed to get the most matches on Badoo and it hard fairly priced promotional features as well to get some extra views and connections. I thought to myself for ages, thinking would I find her…
“I eventually did.” I say to myself reflectively.
Connections that would hopefully lead to meaningful enjoyable connections with an attractive woman who I would be able to go for drinks with and hopefully have a very successful first date that would lead to more dates and hopefully to a very serious and meaningful relationship, leading to settling down in life. I was young ambitious and very driven personally to better my quality of life through education, I made significant efforts focusing on a business degree while working fulltime hours, I did have days off so to me dating alongside working on my own development didn’t seem unachievable. I went on one or two dates each month as I was busy with work and self-funding education on top of this eventually several months went by with some very good enjoyable nights with a beautiful women who had great chat and positive energy however none of these interactions were for me, there was something missing something lacking something I longed to be their but just wasn’t ever there, it felt like a piece of the puzzle was missing a very big piece, however I couldn’t figure out what this was as I did not yet know what I was longing for. As you shall hear I eventually discovered that missing piece. It was sudden random emotionally exhilarating a take your breath away moment refreshing when you see one profile that stood out from the rest unique somehow but you yourself did not know why, despite questioning yourself reflecting and thinking going to the deepest parts of your mind and deeper the answer still eluded me, mischievously mentally as I pictured myself searching for answers to what this was there was a deafening silence, no answers were forth coming.
“Sometimes our inner thoughts remain hidden.”
I had already typed a very lengthy message to this out of this world simply stunning young women she was incredible in that moment I thought to myself could this be the one…internally as I was questioning and searching my mind for answers still my fingers had hit the send button. I anxiously and both nervously waited, hoping and praying for a reply for once a woman who piqued my interest to new heights my head was in the clouds already wondering how we would meet how and where we could go together in life. In my view she was perfect she took my breath away a breath of fresh air across the strange dating landscape. I was drawn to check my phone almost every two seconds I felt my heart race as the notification appeared “typing.” for a change I felt anxious not my usual confident self. I sat anxiously at my desk a grimly lit room in a large manufacturing site in Glasgow, a cup of tea in hand to enjoy the last one before I could get to go home. Thankfully it was a good night with the sun smiling brightly that night she replied thanking me for the message I sent her as I had clearly made a real effort to attract her interest, she was very unique, a rare gem you could say.
“Oh, wait let me tell you about her first.”
She had medium length dark black hair sitting neatly in her photo, lovely deep greenish eyes a beautiful smile clear completion and some lovely lips with a genuine smile that showed she was a happy and caring person. Her message was very positive written in a refreshing way that showed genuine engagement with what I had said, as well as aligning to her intentions as well naturally I made a slightly cheeky joke a reference to her lips waiting anxiously she replied and thankfully she let me off with it seeing the humour and no bad intentions within it. In life there is someone for everyone I sighed in relief. Her intentions and general vibe were very positive seeking a genuine relationship thankfully she was in agreement with what I was looking for, I explained carefully I wanted to date casually she quired this quickly to me as I was seeking a relationship where we could date casually to date with a view to go serious in the future at the right time. I gulped fearing this would send her running however she replied very quickly, it was a rush of energy something incredible.
“That’s fine .”
She quickly followed up with a second text.
“As long as it leads somewhere serious, she said”.
I was thrilled with this response although she was slightly younger than me, she showed emotional intelligence knowing you can’t expect to jump into things too quickly, In no time at all I reached out carefully asking for her number or snapchat.
”We can talk on Snapchat for a little firstly.” she chirped.
I agreed as I know from experience from hearing what women normally experience on these dating apps is far from pleasant a barrage of unwanted unsolicited pictures which deliver no emotional response from a unsuspecting recipient. Soon we started talking on Snapchat with some flirtatious messages going back and forward, swiftly along with some more serious get to know each other chat as well, a general rhythm was established with back and forth continuous chat. I was speechless again everything she told me about herself sounded so amazing I was left confused and unsure about what to say next, she was perfect, in my eyes in my heart and in my mind, she was the one for me. Eventually we sent a snap each which was well received I consider myself to be an average looking guy with some good chat and positive energy but not always. From speaking with her she was particularly fond of horses and had a dog I got the sense she was more of an animal person than a people person this worked well for me as, I consider myself to be a Wolf I am happy to be left on my own, however at times I mingle and wonder between different groups of people a reflection of my diverse friend group some are gamers, some are Naruto and Animi fans, those lads who are into their football, those from a security background, as well as those who are just normally everyday people as well as a few of those people who are a little crazy but they’re not bad apples at all. This match of personality seemed brilliant a person like me who can be happy with a group or just being left alone while she seemed to reflect being more interested in spending her time with animals than other people I sensed, read and felt a strong connection forming she was longing for a relationship to share with a significant other. I’ll tell you more shortly about our journey together! Importantly in life we all want success,
“Success however has different costs to achieving it sometimes ones ambition can be one’s own downfall”.
As you shall hear it was not all a roller coaster thrill seeking journey of sheer enjoyment and excitement as you would expect the down moments came suddenly and sharply out of nowhere, I made one of the most painful sore miserable tormenting discomforting decisions of distress and agony one could go through, it was not because she didn’t want me, but rather the opposite however as you shall hear, I reflected made a decision that was painful for her and me equally however it was the…
“Selfless thing to do for another’s good”.
An important point to remember is,
“Ones past actions affect the future in unforeseen ways”.
Anyway… we chatted on Snapchat for ages, and I proposed a suitable date to meet she agreed and said she would be available, unfortunately I was working that day so I wouldn’t make it to town until closer to eight o’clock however she was happy with this. Internally I was thrilled this woman was perfect in every way, gorgeous beautiful spectacular simply stunning out of this world with a kind hearted nature someone I fell for the moment we started talking…for me this is rare I felt like I always knew what I was looking for a while, as you heard internally I did not fully know what this was yet, life is a journey of self-discovery each day we learn something knew about ourselves that even we did not know. I nervously What’s app’ed and Snapchatted my friends as I left work heading for the train to Glasgow feeling nervous for a change about meeting this peculiar person, a young woman who had the looks the personality and importantly a suitable chat to mine. She had me on the clouds of happiness all I could think about was meeting her, a passion an elixir of positive energy and high expectations had taken me over, I was for a change no longer calm and level headed I was nervous and unsure what to expect with several past experiences having led to disappointment, strangely this time I remained positive and committed to believing that this person was and would be the one. A very strange sense of feelings and emotions for one I’ve not yet met pondered my mind however I ignored questioning myself further I decided to go with whatever happens shall happen, as you shall soon hear.
“The date went amazing, better than imagined.”
We met as planned, the date went amazing sheer incredibly an out of this world exhilarating experience for both of us, we both had clicked before we had we had met we then clicked when we met and so it was the beginnings of a beautiful life-long relationship we both thought we had found the one we were both looking for. She was about five foot medium length black hair lovely green eyes beautiful pink lips, a lovely complexion a kind-hearted nature, we chatted at length when we met and first got drinks going on a lengthy walk exploring the town together, I was sold and so was she. However, fate and destiny were not on our side at the time our paths crossed, life got in the way as you me and I have all experienced in some way before in life. Like a raging fire burning with intensity our journey together came crashing down I went from being in the sky over the moon thrilled with joy compassion lust and care for this girl, to being pulled by gravity sharply back down to the realities of life it was like a car crash going from top of the world out of this world with joys compassion and hope to accepting the timing of our connecting wasn’t right. As you will discover I after some reflecting and countless hours pondering swinging swiftly from one course of action over to another, I decided to be brave and lose the person I bonded connected had become embedded with emotionally and physically, she was the one, a true bond.
“I did what was right not for me but for her.”
We would text each and every day and night seeing she had messaged me in the morning made me smile, I felt a sense of connection she wanted to be as much a part of my life as I wished to be a major part in hers however, I let go of the person I loved out of love care and compassion I felt down distraught devasted and miserable for days after I felt like I had made a mistake many, many times however painful it was I accepted this was the way it had to be, as you shall hear I made a selfless decision doing right by someone else while losing out myself. In my view I did what had to be done for the good of another to ensure the one I loved hopefully found someone better who would love her as much as I loved her and would treat her the ways I always intended and wanted to however unfortunately in one’s life….
“Life’s past choices and decisions impact the present.”
In ways I never could have imagined. I let her go out of love and care for her, I couldn’t give her what she really wanted and needed at this moment in time, I hoped and longed for an opportunity to reconnect in life. It was a quiet Sunday one day I was off work I awoke feeling sleepless and unsteady on my feet I opened the window seeing fog, it was dusty murky not the best weather which matched how I felt inside. I slowly got dressed making my way downstairs having made plans to meet a friend in Glasgow, as I doubted the decision I had made to let go of her. I made my way slowly into Glasgow taking the train and walking through the pouring pounding lashing rain to a small pub with my friend thankfully arriving at the same time as me. We sat down in the pub at a round solid dark oak table ordering a tea coffee as well as some food for those who know me well, I am proud foodie and will normally eat enough food to feed two or more people thankfully blessed that I rarely gain weight, however today was not one of those days, the portion of food was mediocre at best and I took my time eating slowly like it was an effort almost the passion and energy I normally have was vacant empty no passion at all. Eventually Dervent asked.
“What’s wrong?”
He sat there with dark jeans on a white fitted top his shiny white Jamaican teeth showing with a strong smile and positive energy as always, an energy that today I could not match. I sighed looking down at my drink unsure of what to say, for a moment I felt helpless lacking words to say.
“Dee I’ve lost that girl I really cared about. “ I said softly. he replied.
“Bro how did that happen you we’re working so well.” he said.
I paused taking a moment to think.
“I let her go bro, I couldn’t see her often enough to give her the quality relationship she deserved, It wasn’t fair for her… she was wanting more than I could ever give at present.”
Dee smiled surprisingly patting me on the shoulder,
“I feel you brother, what you did took courage and guts a selfless act, you did it not for you but for her, a bad guy would have kept things going even though he could hardly see her, what you did is respectable it was the right thing for her, you should be proud bro you done what many lesser men wouldn’t do...” He said.
I sighed in anguish biting my lip nervously.
“I love her man, the spark the connection it was their before we met, when we met it was there, and still is today.”
he nodded patiently.
“Bro I’ll you this your hurting now but if that girl is truly meant for you, she will find her way back to you, not today but maybe someday, when times are right.”
I almost smiled however the pain despair and trauma I had inflicted on myself kept me low in mood and energy,
“I feel like I’ve lost the one I searched so hard and very long for….”
He nodded gently.
“I can tell your hurting bro maybe you should reach out and tell her how you feel about her, send her a nice voice note”.
I stared blankly into the distance pondering the possible outcomes of such an action and biting my lip I shook my head.
“Nah bro, she needs to move on, things won’t change for me any-time soon, I can’t hold someone back in life when they could be out, there really enjoying a real relationship like she looks for”.
Nodding in agreement
“Ok, I get you… maybe one day bro.”
I nod in agreement.
“I can only hope…”.
Internally I was conflicted I wanted to text her and also send her a voice note describing how I loved her from before I ever met her, from how when I did meet we connected emotionally and physically aligning so well together, I could picture my hand reaching out towards her and I close my eyes and she’s gone a part of me hungered and longed for her always wanting to reach out again soon yet, I refrained and stayed away hoping for better.
“Life isn’t always easy.” I told myself.
She was absent from my life, however she was absent from my life now because I had to let go of her, the hurt and hurting I despaired she was unavailable absent in my life for good reasons, I let her go for her not because I didn’t love her. I loved her and cared I thought about starting a family together going on double dates with friends and lying in bed all day with her knowing I could wake up beside her each and every morning would make me the happiest guy alive, and she wanted more of me to… unfortunately.
“Choices of the past will hinder your future choices”.
As you will hear in due course and time my ability to change how things were today and tomorrow was limited, having hope and compassion or a belief in making things work wasn’t enough, On reflection the way I let her go wasn’t the best I felt rather than having an emotional conversation I made a slight joke about things and seeing other people as I was sure she was wanting more than I could give. To my surprise she said.
“Is this your way of saying we should break up”.
I agreed however she left me speechless astounded breathless for a moment I was stuck in eternity unsure of how to respond, initially she suggested that we could still meet up potentially… in this moment I realized I had made a mistake she wanted to develop things with me she was committed to me although she wasn’t getting enough of me in her life, again I refrained from it, I waited to long to agree, I should have then asked to meet her but I didn’t…
“Bro maybe you should keep things alive.” Dervent said…
I sighed again and said.
“No… I can’t change things quickly enough it still wouldn’t be fair; I can’t keep someone in my life until things improve as she still wouldn’t be getting the justified relationship she deserves.” I said strongly…
“I need to let her go not for me but for her”.
It took days weeks more months to block her out of my mind, however when I see pictures of my friends with their girlfriends having the time of their lives, she popped back into my head very strongly when these things happened each and every time, though I fought against myself sometimes almost messaging to ask her how she ways and I reminded myself.
“I need her to move on I can’t be in her life yet until circumstances have changed.”
Even then I told myself I may have lost her the day I called things off, this torture I was doing to myself was painful and not a good idea however I stayed strong and stayed away for her needs and not my own I reminded myself.
“I was doing right by someone else not by myself”.
I suppose in a way I was doing right by myself; I made a selfless decision for another’s well-being. Sometimes I would think of reaching out but then not do it, I can’t be someone who messages and takes her attention away from what I hoped would be better people for her. However, as you shall hear the story goes on deeper resulting in sudden changes, to which I never expected or saw coming…life can vary…
The end of our journey was devastating, but it taught me invaluable lessons. Love, as thrilling as it can be, is also fragile—requiring timing, patience, and understanding. She showed me a glimpse of what I longed for: a connection so genuine it reshaped my view of relationships. Though we couldn’t overcome the challenges life placed before us, I remain hopeful. Hopeful that one day, the love I seek will return, perhaps in another form, with someone equally remarkable. For now, she remains a cherished memory, a reminder that even fleeting connections can leave lasting impressions on the heart, which cannot be understood.
CHAPTER TWO
Longing For Her Again
Two years later, I started working at a Brand New Glasgow Hotel just opening for the major COP 2020 event in Glasgow, I had a new exciting role my degree was finished however I had opted to study a health and safety qualification to give me hopefully a bit of a competitive advantage over other job applicants, this was done on top of nightshifts, as one can imagine a very tiring time. Working there I met Zayn and Diana; Diana was a little crazy very positive over the top vibrant energetic personality always looking for the positive side of life who was originally from Portugal long dark hair around five foot tall with a tanned complexion and dark eyes, while Zayn was equally as positive and energetic he was also very outspoken and said things as they were. Zayn was tall around six foot dark hair dark eyes tanned skin originally hailing from South-Africa. It was December 2022 the hotel was modern with vibrant colourful designs a nod to the city’s music culture evident by guitars on the wall, the music stage near the entrance and various other noteworthy memorabilia spread throughout the Hotel’s lobby. It was brightly lit however the lights we’re always dimmed giving a more relaxing enjoyable environment. One shift Zayn was breaking up with his long-term girlfriend Zoe of more than ten years, as your coworkers and friends do, they all huddled around Zayn giving him words of advice and encouragement re-assuring him that things would sort themselves out. Suddenly I was in a moment of shock I zoned out completely from what I was doing just staring blankly into space my mind was overcome with emotions, Zayn’s desire to reconnect with his girlfriend reignited an ember inside me something that was so long ago go so distant how could this fire burst again into life with a flurry of emotions as though it were yesterday… I had never experienced anything like this in my life before. This woman had me in total shock I wasn’t sure what to say or what to do or how to compose myself, suddenly she was in my thoughts in my heart and in my mind again I felt connection again, yet I hadn’t seen her for over two years, I felt down and demoralised suddenly as well as she was a gorgeous woman perfect in my eyes in every way she was surely seeing someone I thought to myself I told myself two years is a long time ago and two I didn’t end things in the best way I could despite her wanting to continue things, strongly I made the decision to not say anything yet until I heard more of how Zayn felt about Zoe, it startled me more I couldn’t process this situation at all, I loved her again… the thoughts the emotions the connections the longing for her had all came back to life quicker than one could snip their fingers. I felt unsure of what to do as I had let her down before and hurt her most likely but what she didn’t know was the how and why I had to. The more Zayn and the other girls talked about things the more daunting and terrified I became as I had to reach out, somehow there was an itch I couldn’t scratch some sort of deep burning desire an unexplainable sensation to reach out to her… Zayn described how he and Zoe were both orphans how they bonded together how she admired and supported his passion and interests to work with music doing something he loved and adored how they would go out for food together and gaze into each other’s eyes, how they would sit and have a drink together cuddled up on a sofa with a candle on and some snacks and rarely move all night happy having one another in each other’s arms, he described her hand being interlocked into his, a silky smooth soft gentle feeling as their hands clasped together his passion and compassion for her evident in his voice his reminisce recollection of all the times they spent together, it drove me crazy awakening love admiration desire connection everything that I had with her… before calling things off I felt cold and pale I had never experienced love and emotions for someone bursting into existence like this, feelings emotions and thoughts I thought had faded away. I remember complaining to Zayn,
“See you Zayn you’ve got my ex-girlfriend in my head now something awful”,
“Ugh sorry.” Zayn said meagrely.
As he stood at the bar counter on his phone seemingly distant and far away, yet he was right there I could put my hand out and touch him, yet was still far to reach at times. I myself was succumbing to this my mind kept thinking back to her thinking about what we could have been, what we could have achieved together, how we both felt the same way about each other love connection and admiration. It had been two years since I let go of her with some thoughts and considerations of thinking maybe I shouldn’t have, now I was a wreck emotionally I couldn’t comprehend what to do I myself started seeking advice from Diana, with her positive energy she said.
“Hey Mikey… you should call her or text her message her you know you will never know until you do”.
I felt nervous for a change almost unsure of how to do such a thing, eventually I summed up the courage to reach out to her via What’s app, I sent a very brief short hello how are you doing type of message just to see if she would even reply, for all I knew she was long gone. I paced both anxiously and nervously for a change unsure of what to do, yet I couldn’t explain why I was so nervous because she may not even reply however, she eventually did it was just an initial friendly message advising she was well and hoped I had been doing well too. I felt relieved she was at least talking to me again, I felt connection again despite the connection not being mutual yet, for once in my life I felt genuinely scared about what she might say and then I heard the dreaded.
“I am seeing someone sorry.”
The message went on I sighed and had tears in my eyes, I was able to wipe them away and nothing more came of it, I took immense restraint to hold back these strange emotions which I had succumbed too, I was in state of pearl feeling in danger lost and unsure of what direction to take… I sought advice again from Diana and then Amy seeking more peoples input on what an earth was going on, I’d never felt like this in my life before a feeling of genuine uncertainty.
“Seeing someone doesn’t really sound like it’s that serious”.
Diana and Amy both advised. I felt a bit more assertive Diana encouraging me,
“Just tell her how you feel.”
For once in my life, I had to stop and open up telling her how I felt about her and why… my mind was blank. I was more a tall and proud person who didn’t tend to share my emotions, I felt it wasn’t a manly thing to do, as Diana was a few years older than myself I sought more guidance from her about what to say how to say it and how, I lacked any experience in telling a girl who I loved that I loved her and strangely from an experience when we were two years apart almost with zero contact, mutual friends no way for our paths to overlap. Eventually I had sat deep in thought a few hours each night, it was something I always had running through my mind how do I tell her how I feel, eventually one night I decided I was going to tell her, I sent her a voice message, which unfortunately ended up going on for far too long it went on way longer I expected it too, I quickly sent her a message after it apologising for the length of it and me rambling on as I felt that had ended up happening. The message had turned blue it had been read/listened to, however no response came I felt weak and totally unsure of what to do next, I felt like I had made a total fool of myself however she messaged surprisingly a few days later.
“Sorry it took me so long to reply you gave me a lot to think about.” she exclaimed.
I was quick to apologise myself as I felt I maybe had reached out to strongly.
“No.” she said.
“I loved what you said about me especially remembering me.”
My voice message had led to her message me.
“I’m gonna be honest, a message is one thing but hearing your voice really made it feel so real and actually made me cry a bit, especially when you described how you remembered me and all the things we didn’t get to do together.”
“But I honestly don’t know how or what I’m feeling to be able to put it into words”.
I had opened up with a lot of fear and uncertainty and saying how I felt about her seemed to have led to something, but I wasn’t yet sure as to what exactly. She went on to explain how dating hadn’t been going well for her including with the guy she was currently seeing. things hadn’t been going well apparently, he was online frequently on what’s app but wasn’t replying to her messages, sometimes for days at a time. I actually felt enraged and angered for her, this guy clearly wasn’t interested at all yet she was making an effort at least holding out hope that he would reply to her messages and start showing her some more interest, I felt infuriated because I had let go of her, because she was young she deserved someone better who could give her the time commitment she really needed and I felt upset angry and hurt it made me reflect and consider if I had made the correct decision maybe when she suggested we still meet I should have said.
“Forget what i said, let’s keep dating and try and make things work”.
At least she wouldn’t have had more negative dating experiences, and she would have been as committed to me as I was to her, sure we might not have been able to go out all the time due to circumstances but at least we would have had each other as I did say to her once, around a few dates in as we lay in her single bed spooning she was pressed into me closely, I could feel her warmth the smell of lovely shampoo & conditioner she was wearing as well as lovely perfume, my hand tucked into hers our fingers interlocked my other hand around her waist cuddling her.
“Are you happy with us.” and she said,
“I just want you….” she said.
I was in love all she wanted to do was to be in my arms and be close to me, sharing that strong mutual bond of attraction affection and connection we both felt for each other, it was bliss I could have stayed there all day and night just holding her close, it was all I wanted to do and cared about doing being close to her sharing that intimate moment of mutual attraction trust and respect for each other, we didn’t even need the TV on she just feel asleep in my arms so quickly and happy to have me their holding her close keeping her safe. I feel on deep reflection stopping to see her was a mistake maybe things could have worked without the adventures and times away I wished we could have had; however, past actions and commitments had kept me on a path I couldn’t deviate from. I found some courage and kept messaging her eventually agreeing to meet in the new year the chat was good, we had reviewed what we thought sort of went wrong the first time as well as a few points in our chat to work on as well, things this time seemed really good and I felt they would lead to many great things happening for me and for her, it seemed she was slowly chatting more and more the chat was kept appropriate, eventually I was feeling unsure again as you will hear why in time, I was questioning myself saying.
“I can’t lose her again.”
I would be committed and loyal to her only and rebuild what we once had before, taking our relationship to new heights was the goal to ensure she knew that I loved her and would never let her down, that I would cherish her today tomorrow and every other day. She meant the world to me again my emotions were super charged eventually almost two weeks had passed since we started talking again and we had agreed a date to meet in Glasgow it was to be Thursday the 13th of January 2022 we were going for drinks, before agreeing to meet at Queen Street Station before going for a drink to sit down and chat over everything. I met her at five fifteen at night outside Glasgow Queen Street she was as gorgeous as I remembered for a change, I forgot how to act or what to do in the situation, I can’t even remember now if I hugged her like I was planning on doing from the beginning as soon as I saw her, I’m sure I did though! However, we made some small talk and walked to the Weatherspoon’s on Argyle Street close to the bridge so we could make our way over to the cinema. Quickly we sat down, and I ordered drinks on the app waiting nervously for the drinks to arrive it was a busy pub with a lot of people around not the best environment for what I felt I needed to say and just then.
“You had something you wanted to say to me.”
She said strongly I was unsure what to say in that sudden moment, How do you tell someone that you love them even though you’ve been apart for almost two years, only recently been talking via messages on what’s app and you’re feelings are back for them again like they were never gone. I was caught off guard plus there was loads of people around, thankfully the drinks arrived soon, I took a bit of breath looked at her across the table starring into her dark green eyes, my hand out clasping and clutching hers she smiled expectingly in support of what I was about to say.
“I care about you a lot; more than I should I don’t know why but there is just something about you that tells me, I will always love and care about you.”
Words to that effect, I remember her smiling seeming very happy with what I’ve said and how I said it I said it, confidently maintaining eye contact I think she seen I wasn’t sure what to say or how, but I managed it, I knew then she trusted me again that this supposed meeting that we weren’t meant to get our hopes up for had re-awoken a mutual flame that this was a way to continue our journey together I was relieved and very happy. We left the pub the night was dark and cold however I slipped my hand into hers and we continued to talk as we took our time walking to the Cinema, everything was going perfectly the film was booked the drinks, we’re paid for we got some of the custom spider man re-useable drinks cups. I remember her saying her brother was questioning where she was going on a Thursday night looking out for her as a good brother should do. I was thrilled the night was going well.
“Sometimes a second chance is all you need.”
