Dickhead E-Book

Cornelis Van Leeuwen

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 247

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

Ladies! Is there a disconnect in your relationship with your partner? Does he struggle to hold an erection? He may have prostate issues coming. This book is the perfect gift; it could save his life and intensify your love life! Cor is a renowned international life coach, street-wise and university smart. He guides you to decondition and transfer to a real love and intimacy. After four operations, Cor broke out of the conditioned views he had in relationships, sex and intimacy. He realized what events created dis-ease and learned how to create a straight, stand-up loving life. Your man will be softer, talk more and be a considerate lover. Gents, please don't be a Dickhead. Do yourself a favor and face the facts. Buy the book before your lover does! These are things that can be dealt with.

Leseprobe

Imprint

All rights of distribution, also through movies, radio and television, photomechanical reproduction, sound carrier, electronic medium and reprinting in excerpts are reserved.

© 2024 novum publishing

ISBN print edition:978-3-99130-108-0

ISBN e-book:978-3-99130-109-7

Editor:Chris Beale

Cover photo: francescoch | istockphoto.com

Cover design, layout & typesetting: novum publishing

Images:1:©Saul Steinberg,2:©Cornelius Van Leeuwen,3:©https://restore.physio, 4:©Cornelius Van Leeuwen,5:©David Armado

www.novum-publishing.co.uk

Explanation

** All the technical words like ‘Prostate’, ‘Pelvic Floor’ and exercises you will find are explained.

1. Introduction

As the title says…Dickhead… is about the way you act, think and do… Where your focus is… How you handle complaints…, your body, your feelings… It concerns your prostate, your intimacy and your sex life… You are more than your penis… and your sex life concerns more than having hard-ons and getting laid.

The prostate and all problems that could go with it brought you here… made you open this book… As we know, we mostly start paying attention when there are problems.

Where is the blood… and at what moment? That is the question. Do you think with your penis, or are you smart enough to realize that a body, soul, spirit and relationship are connected?

This little booklet has a wider perspective. Not the purely clinical and medical approach, but more human life experience approach. Anything related to the prostate influences your life in many ways. The content is backed up by a urologist, to be on the safe side.

It is, above all, awake-up call… a small tour guide that will enhance your quality of life and choice-making… to enhance your sensory awareness. A much wider understanding of what life is in relationship to your prostate and sexuality.

This is not the old and familiar Allopathic doctor who works with medicine and operations, reducing you to an organ… We look much broader than that.

For the record… we are humans, and a lot of information is exploding in our faces… is coming towards us… The first time we start showing interest in any subject is mostly when it directly concerns us. The same is with the prostate… Before that… the information and awareness simply do not exist… Or it must be on a subliminal level; as you might know, connected to a conscious act – mostly in advertising – to influence you. It is called subliminal advertising.

So, good day to you. It is about time that we met up. This looks like a boys-only book. It seems I have been waiting for such a long time to talk with you, or you with me. Experience has taught us, in most cases, that eventually, we would get in contact. Mostly, your action and awareness start with complaints concerning erections or other discomfort in the pelvic floor area… like with your prostate. They call this Erectile Dysfunction.

There is a connection between your love-lifestyle and diseases around the belly area. That is what this book is about… preventing disease and discomfort… dealing with and curing it.

At the same time, it is about awareness, intimacy, sex, love and feeling.

Thanks for opening this book and reading what I have to say – hopefully, it will make you have a conversation with yourself. It will bring fun, laughter, sorrow, understanding, recognition, and new insights into living a happy life. Also, tips on how to prevent or manage pain you do not need. Painfully funny, let us put it this way.

It is a tour guide about love and self-love, sex and sharing love… about intimacy. It is about sensory awareness and how you experience and treat your body. Your relationship with yourself, with others and even a few steps further, the world.

It is about everything in your body and mind to create a new, loving relationship with yourself and others. We connect to: The hardware: prostate, pelvic floor, hormones, infections, penis, testicles, sperm, and cancer. The software: the mindset, visualization, perception, conditioning, expectations, intimacy, feelings, and self-knowledge.

We talk about how to do/have sex, how to love another person… and yourself. How to experience your own body. Do you feel it and really enjoy the full-body experience? Can you control every muscle, cell, thought and nerve? Express and share your emotions? Meanwhile, be open to intimate relationships? Spiritual intimacy, we might call it.

The subject of this book, which concerns the prostate*/pelvic floor and potential problems with it is limiting the number of readers to roughly half (men), although it might be nice for some women to look through men’s eyes.

Most of us have learned and experienced our sexuality, being a man, as in a ‘Do It Yourself’ series. Trial and error. Some very sensitive, and some are ready in minutes with any kind of kinesthetic contact. No good or bad, it was how it was. There is no tutorial. ‘The school of life’ might have caused a few bruises here and there. All can be repaired; the best start is awareness first.

But life has changed a lot. We now have knowledge and, therefore, choices on how to live our lives. How to breathe and connect, how to spend time and touching. You are in control of your body; there is no remote control. You need to create that remote control and will that will enhance the quality of your life, intimacy and decisions. Elicit the strategies, calibrate the elements, structure, and process the way you do what you do. Identify with sensory acuity the recipes that made you congruent and open.

We will have to share our most intimate stories, doubts, achievements and thoughts about what bonds us men together in the ‘art of really being a man.’ Most of all, undoubtedly a lot of fun stuff – if you have the ability to put it all into perceptive.

In our ‘discover… life… sex, being intimate and your body show,’ we stepped upon a few landmines in the past. We experienced insane things and obviously sweet experiences. This goes for all of us. The good thing about the past is that it is over; we are not looking for a course in Freudian trauma development. Be playful about what is gone and highlight the warm experiences… while reconditioning where needed. Your past is not a garbage bin filled with trauma but a pool of potential due to your experiences.

Focusing on the future requires a condition-creating environment, realizing how you perceive, and recipes in all shapes and forms. It concerns ‘Vuja Dé’, what you did not consciously notice yet and was in the picture and determined your perception… and actions.

Sharing attention does not meandoing whatever you need to do to create the changes that will bring you closer, let alone being there with discipline and full attention. It is conditioning on quite a different level.

Intensify the pleasure of discovering what you experience, share and let your lover experience it as well.

A few special words on 2 themes. In the back of the book you will find more thoughts.

We blame ourselves for a lot and sabotage ourselves over and over again. On the other hand, there is a system in you that will always forgive you, a nice paradox and ground for many disbalances. What is in the system stays in it until you let it out.

Rationalizationis a technique that many people use to keep control of experiences.

They state: If you know why you want something, any ‘way’ to get it is easy.Significant emotional eventsare dominating… you have conditioned yourself …many people fell into the trap that is called rationalization … declaring that there is a reason why you do what you do.

Nonsense things do not have to be causal but will be if that is your focus. The world is non-causal… non-scheduled events determine… if you let them. Meaningful coincidence might have been leading… some people are very convinced that what they perceive is THE truth. There is no truth in that respect; it is mostly a constellation of words from others and peculiar valued experiences. We can only work on the consequences and loving solutions using totally new imagination.

Visualizing is a happy part… what reality does not start with a dream? Perhaps the most elementary of all skills is the ability to visualize, with all your senses. So not only with your eyes but like in real life… with smelling, tasting, touching, hearing.

What we visualize becomes or, moreover, IS our reality… it is installed in all our senses and nerves. To make new pictures, creating more nows is the way to any healing… presuming you take the time to install the perfect circle.

So, in short: take control to create freedom

How our sex life comes to its identity – A short example

I was leaving… took the woman home. It was a first date, half business, half pleasure. You know when you do not know what direction it takes.

We had a good dinner, talked, had a few laughs. It was OK. My mind was not fixed on anything, or more blessed with everything.

As I had taken her home, I politely drank a cup of tea before leaving. We went to the door, and I noticed a strange look on her face. I thought we kissed cheek to cheek, but she embraced me there. She looked into my eyes and started unzipping my pants, lowering her body down, and before I knew it, she said: ‘Want a blow job?’ Already sucking my friend down under.

I felt like I was in a whorehouse. In a flash, I asked myself if I was dreaming all this… the question here was the behavior of my friend. The willy. My mind was surprised, caught in the moment, one might say.

Sure as life can be, there was no real real affective relationship or longing to touch or be touched in this way.

The Willy did not care about it, obviously, as I noticed that he was standing up.

The woman used her mouth and lips in every way she could.

There I stood at the door opening, pants round my ankles. She was doing her thing. Willy puked, which seemed to be her highlight and confirmation.

It was the start of a strange, idiotic relationship that never had the element of love or passion in it.

Thank God it only lasted for three months.

One might get used to anything.

How does conditioning start… clearly there is a moment where you need to consider if you say yes or no.

Incongruence affects your stability. They call it the X factor; let your intention align with your attention.

Take with you here the way I was conditioned in the way things could or should go.

Our approach

This book offers an integrative approach to life. We consider your lifestyle; the body, mind, soul and spirit are one. Next to your social context (relationships), you want to be healthy. You need to work on your mindset and the way you treat yourself and your immune system. Conventional or alternative, integrative or holistic, even shamanistic – importantly, is it effective or ineffective? Does it work and give you what you want? It needs not to be stated, one might think, but in your relationship, it is vital to regain intimacy and sharable love that really excites you. Remember that every illness changes your hormones, your attention, and your lust for sex. Once ill, partly you will lock yourself up in you. Your partner must be understanding instead of the opposite of this – demanding.

We will help you to open doors, the doors of perception and experience. Use the signs that brought you to your dis-ease… utilize each and every emotion.

Not every prostate disease or complaint leads to cancer… as not all prostate cancer leads to death. Important is your lifestyle after (before you cannot change any more) you know or realize there are problems.

The fact is you need to re-evaluate what stimulates the blood flow and how to stay out of certain situations or just jump into them. Think about your peer group… reassess everything at regular intervals.

Every dis-ease has stages:

You are completely unaware of any discomfort.You discover discomfort… physically or through a routine checkup with the doctor.You start researching the essence of what is going on.You determine the intensity of the problem.You either do research on healing (treatment) possibilities or follow the doctor’s advice.Most often, you follow the allopathic route (you are not you, but you are your prostate), mostly many unnecessary operations, and without shame others advice on how to deal with itYou are confronted with the consequences and effects (limitations) of the treatment.You need to translate it into your everyday private life.Your body and mind need to deal with it.Here your relationship is very important.

Let us be clear… life is a gift in many ways; treat it well. Do not let fear or irrational emotions get the better of you. You are in charge, your passion can give you all the energy in the world, but be humble in dignity… enough has been said about the ‘I want’… ‘I will’ and ‘I can’ … ‘I do;’ stay specific!

Let us be honest. The love relationship dominates our life, where the pelvic floor and prostate are our reception centers.

Wild sex, tenderness, foreplay… Love… cheating… flirting… breathing… exercising… you and your penis are more than just a victim of limiting perception… with love, you express the full potential of perception and life. Love and intimacy are far more than sex only.

Softness; passion; attention; fun; pride; excitement.

Lists and lists of words… each and every one with its own reference… your own pictures and experiences.

The key: keep it light-hearted… not like hanging stones and chains around your neck as in a burden… chains of guilt do not belong to this life.

‘Girls just want to have fun’… Cindy says.

It is all simpler when you keep it simple. KISS, keep it simple stupid.

The second Chakra (is that what it is about?)

Your ability to receive, share and connect lovingly. Opening up your sexuality and sexual potential elicits admiration and passion in an intimate way… that in itself will prevent lots of problems.

Life is simple when gratitude is involved.

Sex and intimacy are intensely connected… together with creativity and passion.

Your relationship with yourself and others is dependent on congruency… attention and intention are completely in line (you are where you are).

Sex is really not merely a physical thing… there should be a connection… any kind of foreplay… only with prostitutes is there a one-way desire without any foreplay (although they know why they are doing what they are doing).

Every day is a grateful new one.

2. The result is Vuja Dé

A small reminder and mindset…

My dear friend… how often does it happen that you have the feeling you have been in a situation just like the one you are in now? That you see somebody and are convinced that you have seen this person before. Reliving, as you might say, the same situation… without really knowing the details. You had a Déjà Vu moment.

Our focus is not Déjà Vu but Vuja Dé. With Déjà Vu, you notice something and have the feeling or hunch that you have experienced it before. With Vuja Dé, it is about what you did not notice yet… if you freeze the frame, go back to the picture and ask yourself what you did not notice yet. Seeing with other eyes* (meaning refresh all your senses… and muscle memory). Mostly this is done with guided meditation in alpha state. In art, with music, in science, with detective work, this approach is pretty common. Now it is about your body, mind, and spirit. If you travel a lot, you will know what I mean.

Vuja Dé… the big issue. What did you not notice before that is fundamentally important in your life now? OK, OK, it might be based on a completely new insight… either scientifically or interhuman. To cut it short: being open and aware, ready for action. You are changing, and there will be a new you the instant you reassess the past moments. Remember that the map is not the territory, but it is not easy to find new land on a map you use.

History, including your personal history, changes with time. Context is context dependent, it is said. Emotions and so many other factors are involved. So many elements determine how you look at the past; if they change, your perception changes. It is fixed in beliefs, values, fantasies, habits, nerves and muscles.

We cannot put it more beautifully than in: Rainer Maria Rilke (I keep the original text in German).

Die Aufzeichnungen des Malte Laurids Brigge, see translations on page 113

Ich lerne sehen. Ich weiß nicht, woran es liegt, es geht alles tiefer in mich ein und bleibt nicht an der Stelle stehen, wo es sonst immer zu Ende war. Ich habe ein Inneres, von dem ich nicht wüsste. Alles geht jetzt dorthin. Ich weiß nicht, was dort geschieht.

Ich habe heute einen Brief geschrieben, dabei ist es mir aufgefallen, dass ich erst drei Wochen hier bin. Drei Wochen anderswo, auf dem Lande zum Beispiel, das konnte sein wie ein Tag, hier sind es Jahre. Ich will auch keinen Brief mehr schreiben. Wozu soll ich jemandem sagen, dass ich mich verändere, bleibe ich ja doch nicht der, der ich war, und bin ich etwas anderes als bisher, so ist klar, dass ich keine Bekannten habe. Und an fremde Leute, an Leute, die mich nicht kennen, kann ich unmöglich schreiben.

If something did not go the way we wanted… there is a large group that starts blaming themselves, living with irrational feelings of fear or even guilt… those irrational thoughts burn you out and cause a lot of harm. It is clear that most (sexual-love) relationships are a private experience and are rarely shared with others to evaluate. Even if you have the ability to share, the details fade out. Your innermost motivations or feelings stay outside the picture.

Shocking or instilling the wrong habit.

There are love relationships where intimacy plays its role, and there are ones where sex and having an orgasm is the determination of success (sic). We talk about instilling habits that are incongruent, meaning that your intention and attention are not in line. Cognitive dissonance might follow, and that is when this example happens once too often:

Example: A man or woman lies asleep. The other one is drunk as can be and, in the middle of the night while he/she is asleep (and does not wake up and play along!), starts doing the sex thing. Not the love or intimacy thing… no, the straight up and down shoving the dick in the pussy or oral sex or whatever you can think of.

If the drunk person does not get what is ‘desired,’ it might turn into a quarrel… to avoid that, most ‘cooperate,’ selling their most intimate feelings for the sake of ‘peace’. Such is no problem when it happens once, but it is sickening when it happens repeatedly.

How would they both feel the morning after? It is not a huge problem, but the disrespect might become one.

Feelings of incongruence and a pattern of aesthetical shame might turn an uncomfortable behavior into a habit, convincing your brain that it is OK while damaging the deeper self. The pelvic floor, the prostate, the amygdala… everything is constantly educated. And as we know, repetition makes things that are not, look real.

In the last decade, our knowledge about what is healthy and what determines health in our body, mind and spirit has developed immensely. We are terrorized by all the wellness gurus and need a few hours extra in supermarkets to read what is in the food we eat. Of course, many, many companies have active sales of products that are not always as beneficial as suggested.

Next to that, health advice rarely comes from hospitals. Just look at the food they are serving and you will lose weight instantly… be sure the food mostly does not serve your health.

It is a clear sign that the hospital is not the healthiest place to be. Allopathy takes the symptoms away but rarely the cause. It is your responsibility to stay in control.

Talking about mindset

For your sexual health and better love life, there are more books, clubs, websites, and pills than your grandmother could ever have imagined – multilevel marketing or just in the shops or on strange internet sites.

If you want to get rich: start an escort service, a swingers club or a porn site… perhaps an app… ‘how to be a good lover’!

A dating site, Tinder, is all about sex, or that is how it is expressed… so we can hardly deny that sex is a topic. Most sex has as an outcome of a strange kind of self-love that obviously is hard to satisfy.

First advice if you are going to go out with the love of your life… or when you are searching for one: first jerk yourself off… masturbate… It makes the body more relaxed and makes feelings real.

Second, start realizing that every age has different hormones and needs.

Third, as usual very important, it might be that sex is overrated for the simple reason many people don’t know how to have an intimate, warm relationship. Still, there ‘must’ be sensual… sexual tension.

The question we need to answer is if there is a correlation between how we treat our body, how we enact our sexual relationships and the possibility of having prostate and other (pelvic floor) similar problems.

How you treated your body and relationships is perhaps a bit ‘seventies’. Imagine the development of the TV, cars, computers, the internet and telephones; also, about vitamins, DNA, RNA, hormones, minerals and how organs function. The same goes for the way we treat diseases. The pharma industry is huge and tries everything to keep you addicted… is what is often said.

First, know how to treat your body… trust me, there are enough chemicals in your body to cure many diseases. Awareness comes first. As Doctors learn to cut and know the repertory from the pharmaceutical by heart in the five minutes they spend on your diagnosis… generalizing all there is to observe – pretty sick, but it is the truth. In their eyes, you mostly are not a you, but you are your disease, an organ or a symptom. This is not about blame or anything else. It is a choice not to take responsibility for yourself.

I was in the USA in 1999, and after, the use of Viagra was common amongst the more well-situated men. A nice crowd, as if type casted for a night. Tom, forty-three-year-old psychologist: ‘You should try it…’ (talking to the three of us in the car on the way to Cape Canaveral in Florida), man I had a boner for half an hour… and could have had three orgasms…’ Tom and another guy were from the States, pretty used to that kind of talk. Graeme from New Zealand and I felt a bit like little schoolboys.

Graeme: ‘All the rockets use Viagra here, Tom.’ Talking about Cape Canaveral, where rockets are standing up.

We live in the era of the wellness industry. The key words here are personal ownership, awareness, responsibility and aesthetics. The wellness industry is about your Comfort, wellbeing, mindset, and having a serving attitude. The way you look, express yourself and come across to others. That you are unique, stop comparing… that every moment/experience is unique… that you cannot generalize. It is about being the sun… putting the other in delight or the light… focusing on aesthetics… serving your senses… that all goes hand in hand with the visualization of your personal success. Ergo, you being in control over what determines your life, relationships and results.

I love this line:

When was the last time you did something, really did something for the first time?

Always curious, careful, open-minded, discovering, playful, respectful, soft… Like with the first kiss, the first touch… playing on the beach. Never take anything for granted… respecting that every moment is new.

It is a mindset and attitude that you know. In your younger years, you often lived like this. Playful in your love life, dancing, flirting, kissing.

You and I know there are dozens of diseases, but you only have one health. And as your life is not a general repetition but the real thing, you might as well treat life in the best possible way and get the best out of it.

So I believe in promoting health more than fighting disease. There are many reasons why people’s immune systems can no longer deal with infections. In the long run, creating vitality and health is much wiser than fighting symptoms. This also means that old unprocessed (traumatic) stress is reduced so the body can regain its self-healing ability. Your body needs to release pressure. The pelvic era is that of your connection with love and therefore is a weak point for many men.

Your healthy lifestyle provides you with focus, strength, and flexibility, and makes you largely immune to garbage. That goes for anything that goes into your body: stress, words, food, experiences, and feelings.

The center for your love life is, of course, a good IMMUNE SYSTEM supported by breathing. The pelvic floor, the diaphragm and exercises that condition and support your mind and body. Trust your body, trust yourself, and you will come out the other side with greater physical and mental resilience. That is what we are going to work on.

The target is always to get the most out of your love life. You will always be more complete and stronger after a short setback. Seek congruency, which means so much in that you do what you want to do with your heart and soul; that the intention and attention are aligned. That is measurable with biofeedback – the HeartMath meter.

Problems with the prostate are connected to your being. The way you spent your time and attention. The way you treat(ed) your body and others. The way you breathe and connect with the outside world. Unsolved experiences you had. Again… ‘The good thing about the past is that it is over,’ is a way of life, not a run away from life.

Our aim here is to give you control over your body, mind, feelings and relationships; your sex life and intimate relationships. Why not aim high? That is not it, my friend. If you fix the machine, fix it good. I was and am always amazed by the precision in Formula One car racing. There is a team of people looking at every detail; in the car and with the driver. Think of this regarding you and your lifestyle as a driver and the external circumstances.

Take everything into account, then freedom starts. Freedom is the ability to be successful. To explore and discover what the possibilities are to be in control over your feelings and life. To be able to really connect in relationships with yourself and others. Formula One, as in every other industry, holds a remote control and a motherboard with all the important information. An Apple watch can already provide you with lifestyle diagnoses; we will have to take it a step further. In other words, use your brains for the change.

There is a new you coming out of every disease. We, my friend, have all the means and possibilities to know and execute to achieve what we want. We’ve got knowledge about how our mind, soul and body as a system function in the best possible way. To create freedom after being very disciplined in how we do what we do.

What you pour into your mind and body (thoughts, experiences, feelings, food). So often: input is output, but without a dream – a clear image of what you want to have, far beyond a simple visualization – nothing happens. An excellent life asks for freedom, discipline, desire and doing. Trust me, I know you have lost a lot of spontaneous, childlike joy that really made you the sun. We will get rid of old useless habits.

So I hope the mindset is clear: conscious control… be sure enough to be insecure… use the power of insecurity. Notice that you did not realize it was there before.

Life, whose business is it anyway?

There comes a moment in your life… when your own life is really your theme and main focus. Not the job, the education, the opinion of others, or the welfare. No, you and your life. That’s where you need to use your brain for the change that will give you what you dream of. This is mostly when you are ill when the problems start.

Consider what you do and do not do. Find the balance between repetition of sameness and really experiencing something new and exciting. Be congruent… that your intention and attention are aligned.

It means undoubtedly that every moment is new. As well as we know that most people are addicted to habits that ruin their lives.

We are brought up in a reality with values and morals that are installed and not even ours. Feelings of guilt and judgments from others often fill our minds and space. Even ‘laws’ from society, formal or informal, determine our behavior.

It is time to realize: it is your life. You are the only owner, and you are in control of what you think and do.

Let us call it: