I
In Petersburg in the eighteen-forties a surprising event
occurred. An officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome
prince who everyone predicted would become aide-de-camp to the
Emperor Nicholas I. and have a brilliant career, left the service,
broke off his engagement to a beautiful maid of honour, a favourite
of the Empress's, gave his small estate to his sister, and retired
to a monastery to become a monk.This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those
who did not know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky
himself it all occurred so naturally that he could not imagine how
he could have acted otherwise.His father, a retired colonel of the Guards, had died when
Stepan was twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her
son, she entered him at the Military College as her deceased
husband had intended.The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to
Petersburg to be near her son and have him with her for the
holidays.The boy was distinguished both by his brilliant ability and
by his immense self-esteem. He was first both in his
studies—especially in mathematics, of which he was particularly
fond—and also in drill and in riding. Though of more than average
height, he was handsome and agile, and he would have been an
altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for his quick temper. He
was remarkably truthful, and was neither dissipated nor addicted to
drink. The only faults that marred his conduct were fits of fury to
which he was subject and during which he lost control of himself
and became like a wild animal. He once nearly threw out of the
window another cadet who had begun to tease him about his
collection of minerals. On another occasion he came almost
completely to grief by flinging a whole dish of cutlets at an
officer who was acting as steward, attacking him and, it was said,
striking him for having broken his word and told a barefaced lie.
He would certainly have been reduced to the ranks had not the
Director of the College hushed up the whole matter and dismissed
the steward.By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College
course and received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic
regiment of the Guards.The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him
while he was still at the College, and continued to take notice of
him in the regiment, and it was on this account that people
predicted for him an appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor.
Kasatsky himself strongly desired it, not from ambition only but
chiefly because since his cadet days he had been passionately
devoted to Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor had often visited the
Military College and every time Kasatsky saw that tall erect
figure, with breast expanded in its military overcoat, entering
with brisk step, saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, the
aquiline nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings
with the cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that he
experienced later on when he met the woman he loved. Indeed, his
passionate adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: he wished to
sacrifice something—everything, even himself—to prove his complete
devotion. And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of evoking this
rapture and deliberately aroused it. He played with the cadets,
surrounded himself with them, treating them sometimes with childish
simplicity, sometimes as a friend, and then again with majestic
solemnity. After that affair with the officer, Nicholas Pavlovich
said nothing to Kasatsky, but when the latter approached he waved
him away theatrically, frowned, shook his finger at him, and
afterwards when leaving, said: 'Remember that I know everything.
There are some things I would rather not know, but they remain
here,' and he pointed to his heart.When on leaving College the cadets were received by the
Emperor, he did not again refer to Kasatsky's offence, but told
them all, as was his custom, that they should serve him and the
fatherland loyally, that he would always be their best friend, and
that when necessary they might approach him direct. All the cadets
were as usual greatly moved, and Kasatsky even shed tears,
remembering the past, and vowed that he would serve his beloved
Tsar with all his soul.When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with
her daughter first to Moscow and then to their country estate.
Kasatsky gave half his property to his sister and kept only enough
to maintain himself in the expensive regiment he had
joined.To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young
officer of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense and
complex strivings went on within him. From early childhood his
efforts had seemed to be very varied, but essentially they were all
one and the same. He tried in everything he took up to attain such
success and perfection as would evoke praise and surprise. Whether
it was his studies or his military exercises, he took them up and
worked at them till he was praised and held up as an example to
others. Mastering one subject he took up another, and obtained
first place in his studies. For example, while still at College he
noticed in himself an awkwardness in French conversation, and
contrived to master French till he spoke it as well as Russian, and
then he took up chess and became an excellent player.Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his
Tsar and the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim,
and however unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it
and lived for it until it was accomplished. And as soon as it was
attained another aim would immediately present itself, replacing
its predecessor. This passion for distinguishing himself, or for
accomplishing something in order to distinguish himself, filled his
life. On taking up his commission he set himself to acquire the
utmost perfection in knowledge of the service, and very soon became
a model officer, though still with the same fault of ungovernable
irascibility, which here in the service again led him to commit
actions inimical to his success. Then he took to reading, having
once in conversation in society felt himself deficient in general
education—and again achieved his purpose. Then, wishing to secure a
brilliant position in high society, he learnt to dance excellently
and very soon was invited to all the balls in the best circles, and
to some of their evening gatherings. But this did not satisfy him:
he was accustomed to being first, and in this society was far from
being so.The highest society then consisted, and I think always
consist, of four sorts of people: rich people who are received at
Court, people not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles,
rich people who ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and
people neither rich nor belonging to the Court but who ingratiate
themselves into the first and second sets.Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was
readily welcomed in the others. On entering society he determined
to have relations with some society lady, and to his own surprise
quickly accomplished this purpose. He soon realized, however, that
the circles in which he moved were not the highest, and that though
he was received in the highest spheres he did not belong to them.
They were polite to him, but showed by their whole manner that they
had their own set and that he was not of it. And Kasatsky wished to
belong to that inner circle. To attain that end it would be
necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor—which he expected to
become—or to marry into that exclusive set, which he resolved to
do. And his choice fell on a beauty belonging to the Court, who not
merely belonged to the circle into which he wished to be accepted,
but whose friendship was coveted by the very highest people and
those most firmly established in that highest circle. This was
Countess Korotkova. Kasatsky began to pay court to her, and not
merely for the sake of his career. She was extremely attractive and
he soon fell in love with her. At first she was noticeably cool
towards him, but then suddenly changed and became gracious, and her
mother gave him pressing invitations to visit them. Kasatsky
proposed and was accepted. He was surprised at the facility with
which he attained such happiness. But though he noticed something
strange and unusual in the behaviour towards him of both mother and
daughter, he was blinded by being so deeply in love, and did not
realize what almost the whole town knew—namely, that his fiancee
had been the Emperor Nicholas's mistress the previous
year.Two weeks before the day arranged for the wedding, Kasatsky
was at Tsarskoe Selo at his fiancee's country place. It was a hot
day in May. He and his betrothed had walked about the garden and
were sitting on a bench in a shady linden alley. Mary's white
muslin dress suited her particularly well, and she seemed the
personification of innocence and love as she sat, now bending her
head, now gazing up at the very tall and handsome man who was
speaking to her with particular tenderness and self-restraint, as
if he feared by word or gesture to offend or sully her angelic
purity.Kasatsky belonged to those men of the eighteen-forties (they
are now no longer to be found) who while deliberately and without
any conscientious scruples condoning impurity in themselves,
required ideal and angelic purity in their women, regarded all
unmarried women of their circle as possessed of such purity, and
treated them accordingly. There was much that was false and harmful
in this outlook, as concerning the laxity the men permitted
themselves, but in regard to the women that old-fashioned view
(sharply differing from that held by young people to-day who see in
every girl merely a female seeking a mate) was, I think, of value.
The girls, perceiving such adoration, endeavoured with more or less
success to be goddesses.Such was the view Kasatsky held of women, and that was how he
regarded his fiancee. He was particularly in love that day, but did
not experience any sensual desire for her. On the contrary he
regarded her with tender adoration as something
unattainable.He rose to his full height, standing before her with both
hands on his sabre.'I have only now realized what happiness a man can
experience! And it is you, my darling, who have given me this
happiness,' he said with a timid smile.