Following Me E-Book

K. A. Linde

• Herausgeber: K.A. LINDE
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Seitenzahl: 458

Beschreibung

A contemporary look at domestic violence and the toll it takes on one girl's life as she finds love and hope in a new city from USA Today bestselling author K.A. Linde...
I didn't have a game plan when I decided to leave St. Louis on a Chicago-bound train for the summer.
Just a reason. One I couldn't share with anyone.
Not Hadley, my best friend from college, who lets me stay in the guest bedroom with no questions asked. Or Hadley's boyfriend Garrett who befriends me when I have no one else to turn to. Or Brennan, the local bartender, who I finds myself falling head over heels for.
Desperate to hide, I'm plunged into a new life in the city. Everyone around me starts to reveal sides of themselves I never expected.
And just when I starts to get comfortable, I find that my past just won't stop...Following Me.

Leseprobe

Following Me

K.A. Linde

Contents

1. Chicago Bound

2. Home Sweet Home

3. The Bean Thing

4. Square

5. School

6. Signature Room at the 95th

7. Highs of Life

8. Mirror Image

9. Everything for a Price

10. Rebellion

11. Getting Through to You

12. The Runaway

13. Filling the Darkness

14. Moving Forward

15. It’s Going Around

16. When It Rains, It Pours

17. Obsession

18. The Only Option

19. Strawberries

20. Coming Clean

21. Out of the Gutter

22. Fool

23. Natural and Easy

24. The Right Option

25. Coiled

26. Adrenaline

27. Finding Your Way

28. Following Me

29. Filling in the Light

Epilogue

Hold the Forevers

Acknowledgments

Also By K.A. Linde

About the Author

Following Me

Copyright © 2013 by K.A. Linde

All rights reserved.

Visit my website at

www.kalinde.com

Cover Designer: Cover Me, Darling

www.covermedarling.com

Editor: Unforeseen Editing

www.unforeseenediting.com

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

ISBN-13: 978-1948427111

1

Chicago Bound

Devon Sawyer skipped to the next song on her iPod and adjusted the small earbuds to fit more comfortably. She bobbed her head to the ’90s punk rock blasting through her headphones, her blonde hair falling around her face. She was thankful that no one else was clued in to her choice of music. She wanted to listen to something that felt comfortable to her, and her older brother’s music always did the trick.

The train rattled along on its course. It had pulled out of the countryside and moved into the suburbs until it would finally reach the heart of Chicago. During the six-hour train ride from St. Louis into the city, Devon couldn’t quit biting her nails. They weren’t particularly long to start out with, but they were quickly turning into stubs.

Her feet tapped softly against the carpeted floor as she stared out the closed window at the passing flatlands and cornfields prominent in the Midwest. Since stepping onto the first train with nothing more than her purse and carry-on suitcase, she hadn’t paid much attention to anything. Although she was still focused on the end of term and her immediate departure, she couldn’t stop thinking about the one thing she didn’t want to think about.

But she had made her decision. For better or for worse, she had left St. Louis.

“Next stop, Chicago Union Station,” the conductor called over the intercom.

Devon popped up from her daydream. One of her earbuds fell out as she straightened in her seat. She looked down at the open notebook sitting in her lap. Words filled the pages, but she couldn’t remember writing them down. Reading the first few lines only intensified her despair, and she decided not to continue with the rest at the moment.

A stewardess walked through the cabin, smiling at the passengers as she stamped their tickets. Devon had the last seat on the train, and the woman was fast approaching her. She averted her eyes, hoping the woman would just leave her be. The last thing she wanted was to talk to a peppy stewardess.

Devon was out of luck.

“Miss,” the stewardess said, leaning into her chair.

Devon ignored her.

“Miss. Excuse me, miss?”

Devon pulled out the other earbud, shut her notebook, and turned to face the woman. “Yes?”

“Did you want anything else from the cart before we enter the station?”

“No, thank you,” Devon answered.

“Here, let me stamp your ticket,” she said, reaching out her hand.

Devon bent down to retrieve her bag, and then she began rifling through it to locate the ticket.

“So, why are you traveling to Chicago?” the woman asked, making polite conversation.

“Just meeting a friend,” Devon said.

“That sounds fun,” she said.

When Devon glanced up at her, the woman gave her an even bigger smile.

“How long are you staying?”

“Uh…” Devon murmured, trailing off as if looking into her bag distracted her. “As long as I want, I guess. Haven’t really thought that far.”

“Wow! You’re just picking up and going?” the stewardess asked, surprised.

“It’s my summer break, and I have some friends in the city,” Devon told her, not sure why she felt like she had to justify it.

“Neat. Are you at a school in St. Louis then?”

She finally located her ticket and handed it to the woman. Devon was ready for the woman to leave. “Yep. Washington University.”

“That’s a great school! My son always wanted to go there, but we just couldn’t afford a private school, you know?” She placed a stamp on the ticket and returned it to Devon.

“Sure,” Devon said, not really understanding.

Her parents had told her she could go to whatever school she wanted. They were songwriters in Nashville, and business was good. Devon had wanted to start over and move far away from the South into a new city. Her parents would have preferred an Ivy League education if she were going to leave, but Devon hadn’t gotten into the Big Three.

Wash U was close enough to Ivy anyway. Plus, as soon as she had stepped onto campus, she had fallen in love with the school. Everything from the brick castle-like edifices to the large open grounds to the people she had met on her tour had pulled her in completely. She had spent the last three years there, and now, she didn’t know if she would ever go back.

Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Devon reminded herself that she had made the right decision by leaving. She had to get away. She just needed to keep telling herself that.

The train began to slow as high-rises flew past the surrounding windows.

“That’s my cue!” The stewardess jumped up. “Have a fun trip in Chicago,” she called before bustling about through the cabin.

Devon stood and collected her bags. The passengers were cast into darkness as they rolled into Chicago Union Station. As the train rattled to a stop on the tracks, she pushed her way through the crowd. She was more than ready to be off the train. A man swung his bag backward, catching her in the ribs, and she grunted.

“Sorry,” the guy muttered, not even glancing at her.

Devon knew she was on the shorter side, but she wished people would be more considerate. She pushed past him and got off the train, struggling to bring air back into her lungs.

As the crowd headed for the exit, people jostled her on all sides. Relieved to be out of the fray, Devon lugged her bag with effort into the train station. It was white marble in every direction with a high-arch glass ceiling, enormous pillar entranceways, and benched seating. Standing there to admire it all, Devon thought it was beautiful.

She had only been to Chicago once with her parents during her junior year of high school. They’d had some kind of music appearance, and she had spent most of her time in the hotel room while her younger sister had followed her parents around the event. The record label her parents worked for had put them up in a suite, and in no particular order, Devon had alternated between the Jacuzzi tub, pool table, and minibar. She had regretted not getting to see much more of the city.

She craned her neck, looking around the giant room for her friend. Hadley was supposed to be picking her up. Devon wasn’t about to try to traverse the subway or L all by herself.

She turned around and nearly ran smack dab into someone.

“Sorry,” she muttered, moving around the stranger.

Then, she found Hadley standing there. She was staring down at her cell phone, ignoring the masses swarming around her.

“Hadley!” Devon called. “Hadley Bishop!”

Hadley turned around and rushed toward Devon. “Hey,” she cried, throwing her arms around Devon. “So glad you made it. I just couldn’t believe it when you called and said you were coming to the city!” Hadley released her and took a step back.

“I know. I’m so last minute,” Devon said.

“Oh, whatever,” Hadley said shoving her phone into her front pocket. “You know you always have a place with me.”

“Thanks,” Devon said appreciatively.

“Need help with anything?” Hadley asked, looking Devon up and down to see if she had other stuff with her.

“Nope. Just this.” Devon motioned to her oversized purse and suitcase.

“All righty! This way then,” Hadley told her, motioning back toward the trains.

Devon followed with a smile plastered on her face. She had missed her friend more than life itself. Hadley had graduated from Wash U in December, leaving Devon without a roommate for the spring semester. Hadley always did exactly what she wanted. For instance, she had graduated early, moved to Chicago, and accepted a job at a high-end marketing firm. It was just something Devon would have never thought to do. In fact, this whole trip was something that Hadley, not Devon, would do.

Thankfully, Hadley knew her way around the metro. They took a seat on the train, and Devon angled her body to face her friend. She had forgotten how much they looked alike.

Devon’s parents had always said that she looked like country music royalty. She didn’t know if it was because she had a small, curvy body that looked great on camera or because her mother had started bleaching her naturally light brown hair in middle school. Magnifying the country music image, her parents had dressed her in cowboy boots and a hat, had her belt out every song on the radio, and paraded her around to every music venue they could get her into. Since leaving for St. Louis, she had resisted all of these things except for her blonde hair. She hadn’t been able to get rid of the blonde.

Hadley was taller than Devon by a couple of inches. They had the same blonde hair. Though Devon had seen Hadley change it to black, brown, red, and every color in between in the two and a half years they had lived together. They used to have similar styles, but now Hadley was moving toward business professional, and Devon was stuck in her jeans, even in the summer heat. It made Devon wish she had packed some dresses.

“So,” Hadley began, “are you hungry?” She crossed her right leg over her left, crinkling her grey pantsuit.

She looked positively radiant. Devon wasn’t sure she had ever seen Hadley quite like this.

“Yes, I am,” Devon said staring at her friend. “There’s something different about you. I can’t put my finger on it.”

“I moved in with someone!” Hadley squeaked, unable to hold in her excitement.

“Already?” Devon asked, her mouth falling open. “You’ve only been here for six months!”

“I know! It’s so new and so fresh, and I probably shouldn’t, but I did. I just had to! Wait until you meet him. You’ll see he’s perfect!” Hadley gushed.

Devon tried to keep her smile as natural as possible. She had hoped that they would spend time together, just the two of them, like old times. Not that she wasn’t happy for her friend. She was. It would just be different.

“Congrats. I’m so happy for you,” Devon told her. “That must be why you’re practically glowing.”

“You have no idea, Dev. You’ll get to meet him tonight. Can’t wait!”

The L slowed down and Hadley stood, indicating that this was their stop. Devon stared down the stairs, cursing the person who had decided escalators weren’t needed in this town. Flying down the stairs in front of Devon, Hadley seemed to forget her earlier offer of assistance. Devon grumbled under her breath as she hauled her bag to the ground level.

“We’re going to go this restaurant that I love. It’s kind of a you-have-to-know-it type of place. I think you’ll like it. It’s right around the block, so let’s eat first, and then we’ll take your stuff to my place,” Hadley said, walking into traffic without a backward glance.

She’s going to kill herself, Devon thought. She waited for traffic to stop before following Hadley.

“What is this place?” Devon asked when she finally caught up. As she rolled her suitcase behind her, it made clicking sounds every time it hit a bump in the sidewalk.

“Just a restaurant. Nothing fancy, but my friend Brennan works there as a bartender. It’s the place right now if you know what I mean,” she said.

Hadley turned down an alleyway and then immediately walked into a restaurant. Devon hadn’t even seen the door. She read the sign, Jenn’s Restaurant,over the door and went inside.

Hadley was right about the restaurant. It wasn’t anything fancy, but the place was slammed. It was on the smaller side, and all the tables and booths were full of young professionals still in their suits after leaving work. Although some had stripped down to their button-up shirts, Devon felt woefully underdressed even if the atmosphere was welcoming.

As Hadley veered through the crowd, people on all sides called out hellos to her. She elbowed a couple out of the way and took the last two remaining seats in front of the bar.

“You’re popular,” Devon muttered, plopping down in the seat next to her.

Hadley had always been popular though. She radiated energy, and people seemed to gravitate toward her spontaneous personality. Hadley always seemed to be going, going, going and waiting for life to catch up with her. Devon had missed Hadley’s fast-paced mindset.

Hadley just shrugged with a confident smile on her face. “Ay! Walker!” she called, leaning over the edge of the bar. When he didn’t immediately respond she called out again, “Brennan!”

The bartender turned in their direction and shot Hadley an exasperated expression. He was good-looking in the she-shouldn’t-go-anywhere-near-that kind of way. He had devious eyes and a knowing smile that made Devon wonder what secrets he had tucked up his sleeves. He wore a barback uniform of black slacks and a white button-up rolled up to his elbows with a towel slung over his shoulder. His brown hair was styled in a way that made it appear he hadn’t spent any time on it.

“Gimme me a minute, Hadley. I’m with a customer,” Brennan called.

“What do I look like?” she asked with a sassy smile.

“An annoyance,” he said loud enough for everyone to hear.

While the other customers snickered like this interaction was commonplace, Devon was having a hard time peeling her eyes off of the bartender.

He definitely has bad news written all over his pretty face, she thought

Hadley huffed but slumped back into her seat with a roll of her eyes. “He’s always like this. You can’t get his attention even when it’s not this busy.”

Devon nodded, feeling completely out of her depth in the big city.

A couple minutes later, Brennan walked over to them and rested his forearms on the front of the bar. He cocked a smile like he owned the place. “The usual?”

“Yeah.” As Brennan began pouring her drink, Hadley continued, “This is my friend Devon. She’s here visiting on her summer break.”

“Hey,” he said, tipping his head at her while he mixed the drinks. “I’m Brennan.”

“Hey,” Devon murmured back, meeting his gaze.

“Where ya from?” He slid Hadley’s drink toward her and began making another.

“Well, I go to Wash U in St. Louis, but my parents live in Nashville,” she told him.

He slid a mostly clear drink across the bar to her. Devon cautiously picked it up.

“You don’t seem much like a Southern belle to me,” he observed.

“You’d be surprised,” Hadley butted in. “Her parents work in the country music industry. She’s a Southern belle through and through.”

“Huh,” he said as if contemplating this information.

Then, he just shrugged his shoulders like he had come to a conclusion. Devon wondered what it was.

“Well, you two having dinner?”

“Yeah,” Hadley told him. “I’ll have the chicken, and she’s going to want the shrimp.”

Devon glanced over at her in frustration. They hadn’t even looked at a menu.

“I promise you’ll like it, Dev. Don’t worry!”

Brennan nodded and then left to go put in their orders. Devon noticed he wasn’t bad to look at from the backside either.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Hadley cried, throwing her arms around Devon. “I have so much to show you. How long can I keep you?”

“Oh,” Devon began, not yet figuring out how to have this conversation, “only for a week or so probably.”

“Well, when is your return ticket?” Hadley asked.

“I didn’t get one,” Devon said.

It was totally something Devon would have never done. She always came with a plan, but this hadn’t been planned. She had decided she was leaving, and then she had left. She had needed to get away and leave the life that was haunting her, destroying her. It hadn’t been an easy decision.

But she couldn’t tell Hadley any of that. Devon was so happy to see her friend, and maybe all she needed was a week or so for things to get better. She couldn’t run away from her life forever even if she wanted to.

“Whoa!” Hadley cried, putting her hand on Devon’s forehead. “You’re turning into me. How is Reid taking all of this?”

“Oh, Reid’s fine,” Devon told her. “He’s, you know, perfect.”

Hadley gagged. “If that boy could get any more perfect, I’d fall dead.”

Devon offered a stilted laugh. “Yeah, me too.”

“I’m just surprised he didn’t bring his ass with you. You two were connected at the hip last year.”

“Well, he’s spending a lot of time at home in Kansas City. Plus, he has to start applying to med schools this year. I know he wants to go to Wash U since his dad is a legacy. It’s one of the best in the country, but he’s also applying elsewhere,” Devon informed her, feeling like she’d had this conversation too many times already.

“That just means I get you all to myself,” Hadley said, grabbing Devon’s arm and pulling her close. “Lucky me.”

“Yep. Lucky you,” Devon responded, wincing.

2

Home Sweet Home

Devon stared at the impossibly tall, circular buildings where Hadley lived. She said the complex was called Marina City. All Devon knew was that it was way nicer than any place she expected to live in after graduation. The two buildings boasted the House of Blues, a full-scale hotel, and a working marina where people could dock their boats. It was all a bit overwhelming.

“Come on,” Hadley laughed at Devon while dragging her through the residential entranceway toward the elevator.

They took the elevator up to the forty-third floor where it deposited them on a rounded track leading to Hadley’s apartment. She jiggled the key into place and stepped inside. Following close behind, Devon took in the small apartment.

It wasn’t much bigger than her apartment in St. Louis, and based on the location, Devon was pretty sure it cost triple what she was paying. The layout resembled a slice of a pie, with hallways on each side of the entrance leading into bedrooms, a small kitchen off to the right, and an L-shaped living room with a conjoined dining room. The best part was obviously the view through the floor-to-ceiling glass wall that led out onto the balcony, overlooking Michigan Avenue, Grant Park, the Chicago River, and beyond to Lake Michigan.

Being the Windy City and all, Devon briefly wondered how cold it got up here in the winter. She was cold enough in St. Louis without being forty-three floors high.

“Make yourself at home. Garrett won’t be back for another hour or so. I hate how late he works, but at least it’s not the night shift. I hate when he has to work the night shift.” Hadley tossed her bag onto the couch and turned to face Devon. “We have an extra bedroom if you go through the door on the left. You can put your things in there.”

“Thanks,” Devon said, walking into the guest bedroom. She placed her bag at the foot of the queen-size bed and stared around the room.

Devon could tell that Hadley had decorated this room. It didn’t look like anything a guy would have put together. Long white panel curtains hung from the glass wall, which opened to its own balcony. The bed had a pretty patterned quilt on it with a couple of matching pillows. A dark wooden five-drawer dresser sat against another wall, and large paintings of flowered landscapes were displayed around the room.

Walking toward the balcony, she flipped the lock, slid back the door, and walked out onto the platform. It was really a very pretty view. So much to see and so little time, Devon thought.

She pulled out her phone from her pocket to check her email. She immediately deleted a newsletter from Wash U along with a series of spam emails. As her finger lingered over the next one, she bit her bottom lip, indecision creasing her forehead. She really wanted to read it, but she couldn’t do it.

Not having the courage to just delete the email, she moved it to a separate folder. Out of sight, out of mind.

Just as she was scrolling to the next email, her phone lit up. She stared down at the screen, letting it ring a few more times, before steeling herself and answering.

“Hey, Mama,” Devon said.

“Hey, Dixie!” her mom cheerfully called into the phone.

“Mom,” Devon complained, “it’s just Devon now.”

“You’ll always be my Dixie girl,” her mother drawled.

Devon was pretty sure she would never convince her mother otherwise. “I know, but can’t you just give it a try? You named me after all.”

“Why do you have to be so difficult? Dustin and Dani don’t seem to have your propensities.”

“You must have screwed me up real good,” Devon joked.

“Always have to blame me,” her mother said.

“It’s not like it’s Dad’s fault.”

“Oh, shush! You know I just miss you,” her mom said, tears spilling into her voice.

“Miss you, too, Mom,” Devon said softly.

“When are you coming home? Reid can’t steal you for the entire summer. Your father and I have a big event in July, and we’d really like you to come. I know you’ll want to bring him. It’s so close to your birthday, and we’d like to celebrate with you, honey.”

“I don’t know, Mom,” Devon answered uncertainly.

She had already told her mom that she was going to stay in St. Louis for the summer. This was already the second or third attempt to get her to come home. Devon hadn’t been able to tell her mom that she had left. Her mom wouldn’t understand her reasoning.

“Oh, come on, Dixie…Devon,” her mother quickly corrected. “I’m only asking for a bit of time. You’ve been away for so long, and I haven’t heard from you as much lately.”

“I know. I’ve just been so busy.”

“I know you are, honey, and I’m so proud of you. I just feel like we haven’t talked as much this year. Are you sure everything is okay?” her mother pleaded.

“Yeah, Mama. Everything is fine,” Devon lied, taking in a deep breath.

She didn’t want her mother to pry. She was hitting too close to home, and Devon couldn’t talk about it.

“All right,” her mom said. “Well, think about July. We’re going to New York, and I know how much you love the big city. I’ll take you to see shows on Broadway, and we can go shopping, have cocktails at fancy parties—”

“That all sounds great, Mom,” Devon told her wistfully. “I just don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”

“You can bring Reid with you if you want, dear,” her mother said, offering a plea bargain.

“Thanks, but I don’t think he’ll be interested. He’s taking the MCAT and applying to med school. You know how important that is to him.”

“I know, but…” she began, clearly biting her tongue.

“But what?” Devon couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“I think you spend too much time with that boy, that’s all,” her mom responded quietly.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.”

Her mom sighed. “Well, think about New York. I miss you, and I know it would mean a lot to your father to have you there.”

“All right, I’ll think about it, but I’m not making any promises. I have to go though. Love you,” Devon said.

“Love you, too.”

Devon quickly ended the call. She buried her head in her hands and took a few steadying breaths, trying to remind herself over and over that she was doing the right thing. Lying to her mom was the hardest thing in the world to do, but she couldn’t be in St. Louis.

She wished that she could really talk to her mom. She wasn’t wrong when she had said that Devon had stopped talking to her. If only things were the way they had been when she was younger, when she had told her mother everything. But things had changed so much since then.

Stuffing her phone into the pocket of her pants, she left the balcony and walked back into the living room.

“Sorry about that. My mom called,” Devon told Hadley.

Hadley was stretched out across the couch, watching Millionaire Matchmaker on the mounted television. She had a proclivity for bad reality shows and Lifetime movies. Devon had never understood her obsession, but Hadley had often referred to it as her only flaw.

“Shhh! Patti is about to bitch out the girls. It’s the best part.” Hadley’s eyes were glued to the television.

Devon laughed and shook her head. At least some things hadn’t changed. Taking a seat next to her friend, Devon watched the woman on TV work her magic. She was pretty sure they had already seen this episode.

Devon easily fell back into the simplicity of living with Hadley. They had always been easy living mates. She couldn’t even remember if they had argued over anything more than whose turn it was to empty the dishwasher. Devon had taken a chance her freshman year and allowed Housing to choose her roommate. She had won the jackpot. Even though Hadley had been a sophomore, they had gotten along perfectly.

The year before, Hadley had had a terrible experience with a roommate that she knew from home. After that, she had decided to live in the dorms again and chance fate with a stranger. They had stayed in the same room the next year as well. It had helped that the dorm had been renovated the summer before to an apartment-style layout with small bedrooms, a communal living room, and a kitchen with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances.

Last year, they had opted to move into an off-campus apartment. When they had made the decision, Devon hadn’t thought that Hadley would be graduating early. After Hadley had moved out, Devon had spent all her time with Reid. Even with him there though, the apartment had felt empty without Hadley.

“Where are your cups?” Devon asked, standing during a commercial break.

Hadley pulled out her phone and immediately started texting. “Second cabinet on the left from the refrigerator.”

“Thanks.”

Devon walked into the kitchen and filled a glass full of ice water. As she took a sip, her phone beeped three consecutive times in her pocket. She pulled out her phone and flipped through the texts. They were all from Reid, wishing her a safe trip and telling her how much he would miss her while she was gone.

Her heart skipped a beat as she read the last one.

Come home to me quickly, Dev. I’m too busy to fly to Paris, but I already miss you. I miss you so much.

She swallowed back the emotions rushing through her as she cradled the glass of water to her chest. She had told him that her family had planned a trip to Paris for the summer. The lies were piling on top of her, and not for the first or last time, she regretted her decision.

At that moment, the front door opened, causing Devon to jump out of her self-pity.

“Hey, baby!” a guy called, walking through the door.

Peering through the kitchen door, Devon watched as he lifted Hadley right off the couch and into his arms. Hadley giggled like mad as she threw her arms around his neck while her legs wrapped around his waist. He pulled back long enough to deeply and thoroughly kiss her on the mouth. Feeling intrusive, Devon stepped back into the kitchen to give them some privacy.

“Put me down. Put me down. You have to meet Devon!” Hadley cried.

Devon heard a few thuds that sounded like Hadley was playfully hitting Garrett.

“Is she here already?” he asked.

“Yeah. Hey, Dev. Come meet Garrett!” Hadley called.

Devon took a deep breath, preparing herself for the utter cuteness that always came from the honeymoon stage of a new relationship. She waved awkwardly as she entered the living room. “Hey.”

“Garrett, baby, this is my bestie, Devon Sawyer,” Hadley said. “Dev, this is my boyfriend, Garrett Jones.”

“Hey, Devon. So nice to finally meet you,” Garrett said, striding forward with his hand extended.

Devon politely placed her hand in his and shook.

“I’ve heard so much about you,” he said.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” Which was true. Hadley hadn’t shut up about him at lunch, not that Devon was complaining. She would rather talk about anything but herself.

“Don’t believe a word she says. She thinks I’m a nice guy,” he said with a wink in Hadley’s direction.

“You are a nice guy!” Hadley said, rolling her eyes and walking over to them.

“Kiss of death, babe. Kiss of death,” he said, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her in close.

Yes, that looks like the kiss of death, Devon thought.

“So, how long are you here for?” Garrett asked, directing his attention back to Devon.

“Uh…probably just a week,” she said, finding his wide brown eyes unnerving.

“Well, glad to have you. I brought home a couple bottles of wine from the cellar,” he said, gesturing to the side table where he had deposited a bag.

“I didn’t know you were going to see your dad,” Hadley said, her voice strained.

“He asked to see me after work. Told me to tell you hello. I think he wants us over for dinner sometime this week.”

“Oh, well that sounds nice,” Hadley responded flatly.

Devon would be sure to ask her about that later. She hadn’t mentioned anything about Garrett’s parents, and she knew Hadley too well. There was definitely something off in her voice.

“I’m going to go pop open a bottle. You ladies get back to your Millionaire Matchmaker. I’m cooking dinner tonight since I’m actually home at a decent hour, and then we’re going out to celebrate Devon’s arrival.” He picked up the bag from the table and pulled out a bottle. “Red okay with you, Dev?”

He’s already using my nickname like he knows me. How the hell does Hadley always get this lucky? Devon wondered.

“Red is perfect,” she answered.

When he left for the kitchen, Hadley grabbed her arm, pulling her close on the couch. “Isn’t he incredible?” Hadley swooned.

“He might be too good. He brought home wine, and he’s making dinner? Is this guy for real?” Devon asked, nudging Hadley in the ribs.

“Totally for real, and he’s been like this for the past five months,” she said, sighing contentedly. “It’s like hitting a gold mine as far as boyfriends go.”

Devon couldn’t agree more. Her friend seemed truly, very happy with Garrett, and Garrett seemed to adore her. Any man who greeted a woman by picking her up and kissing her senseless was all right on Devon’s list.

Plus, he was pretty easy on the eyes. He was tall, really tall, which was nice since Hadley was on the taller side. He had broad shoulders, a friendly smile, and the cutest dimples. His brown hair was short but styled professionally. He’d had on a black suit when he walked in, but he had since changed into dark jeans and a green button-up rolled up to his elbows to cook in. He seemed comfortable in his skin and in his affection toward Hadley. Devon liked that about him.

The trio spent the evening lost in debates about which match was going to be successful on Millionaire Matchmaker while downing glass after glass of the expensive red wine Garrett had brought back with him. To accompany the wine, dinner consisted of a perfectly cooked chicken marsala with spaghetti and garlic bread. As they laughed and joked during the meal, Devon felt the tension and anxiety of the last semester melt away from her.

Each day had been a battle to keep going, and in this moment, she felt lucky because she was here with her friend. She had made it through the day.

3

The Bean Thing

Devon turned the corner, looking over her shoulder. As she wound through unfamiliar streets, she was surprised to find each one deserted. Where are all the people?

She was still walking, but her pace was rapidly increasing. She hated being lost, especially at night. She remembered a similar experience she’d had in a new city. The driving directions had been all wrong, and her GPS hadn’t directed her properly. She had freaked out and pulled over to figure out where she was supposed to be going. The overpowering feeling of utter insecurity and danger had made her stomach tighten and tense.

She hadn’t been in real danger, but it sure had felt like it.

And it felt like it now.

Devon swallowed hard, pushing her blonde hair off her face, as she walked faster and faster, hoping to find something that would trigger a memory of some sort. She tried to recall where she was or what she was doing, but it just wouldn’t come to her. Panic rose in her chest, causing her heart to flutter faster, as sweat began to bead on the back of her neck.

She glanced over her shoulder again, feeling eyes on the back of her head, but no one was there. She was all alone. How could she be all alone? Surely, someone else had to be around.

Against her better judgment, Devon went up to the first building and tried the door. It didn’t budge. She did the same to the next door and the next one after that, but they were all locked up tight. She pushed her shoulder against another door to no avail. She wasn’t in some crime show. There was no way she would try to kick her way through a door. The longer she stood and tried to find a way into a building, the more she felt like someone was watching her, stalking her movements. As she banged on a door, her throat seized, keeping her from screaming for help.

Someone please answer the door! she screamed in her head.

No one came to the door. Nothing moved, not even the wind.

Tears welled in her eyes as desperation kindled in her gut. She moved on from the doors, knowing she was having no luck here. Her walk turned into a jog, and the sounds of footsteps behind her fueled her on to a full run.

The only problem was she didn’t have a clue where she was going. She knew she could run for only so long before exhaustion overtook her. How long did she have before they caught up to her?

Keeping up her fast pace was tiring, and she felt herself slowing, but she could tell from the patter of feet behind her that her pursuer was catching up to her. Tears streamed openly down her face, and she did nothing to stop them. She had a terrible, terrible feeling about this.

When she turned a corner, she saw a light on in the building directly in front of her. Angling straight for it, she gained a burst of speed. It felt like she was running toward the light at the end of the tunnel.

Devon yanked at the front door, and it mercifully opened. She didn’t wait to see if the person behind her was still following her. When she stepped inside, light streamed in all around her, and loud party music filled the room. People were dancing in every inch of space, but no one stopped to look at her.

As she closed the door behind her, the lights dimmed, and flashes of color bounced off the walls. She reached for the first person she could, but he brushed her off. Every person she tried to speak with after that ignored her completely. It was like she wasn’t even there. Pushing her way through the room, her head was spinning as the volume of the music seemed to increase tenfold.

What is happening to me? she thought.

Then, she felt the eyes on the back of her head again. She turned around in a circle, looking for the source, but she found only a sea of other people. If she had thought she hated feeling isolated in a deserted city, then she hated being invisible in a sea of people even more.

She pushed people out of the way, shoving them like they were rag dolls, until her arms were screaming in pain at her. She couldn’t move fast enough. Her feet were giving out, and her arms were failing her. She couldn’t escape.

When Devon looked back to see if the person was still pursuing her, she saw a single figure walking directly toward her, but the person was indistinguishable from the dark surroundings. Turning around, she rushed forward with one last bit of effort. She propelled herself through a set of double doors, stepping into a stark white bedroom that blinded her.

Just when she reached the other side, she felt a person grab a hold of her arm.

Devon awoke with a start, gasping for breath. Her hands clenched into the quilt, her chest heaved up and down, and her body racked with tremors. A cold sweat had drenched through her thin T-shirt, and she shook as the chilly air sank into her skin.

Where the hell was she?

Anxiously, she looked around the dark room, searching the unfamiliar space. Whose bed was she in? And why didn’t she recognize this place at all?

Taking a deep breath, she tried to return to reality. She took another breath, calming her still racing heart, and it came back to her. St. Louis. The train. Hadley. She was staying at Hadley’s place with Hadley’s boyfriend. They’d had dinner and wine. They had gone out drinking afterward, and she had fallen into bed drunk.

Her stomach grumbled angrily at the memory, and her head throbbed against her scalp. Great. Hangover.

Her eyes roamed to the red-numbered alarm clock on the dresser.

Six thirty in the morning.

Devon still had two or three hours left before she had to get up. She sank back into the comforter, feeling completely emotionally drained.

It was just a dream. Just a dream. She had to keep telling herself that over and over again. No one was after her. No one was following her.

Just a dream.

Devon jumped in the shower a few hours later. No matter how hard she had tried, she hadn’t been able to fall back asleep. The haunting memory of someone chasing her through the streets had stayed with her. She had emptied the contents of her stomach in the bathroom twice since waking. She was dead tired, and she just wanted to crawl back into bed and crash, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to shut off her brain. As soon as she had tried, everything had rushed back to her all over again.

She changed into a pair of light jeans and blue tank top, pulled her hair up into a ponytail, and then covered the dark circles under her eyes like an expert. Her head was still aching, despite taking 1,000 milligrams of Tylenol earlier. She knew she needed to eat, but the thought of food sent her stomach into a fit.

Finally feeling human enough to leave the bedroom, she edged out into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and slowly sipped it.

“Good morning!” Garrett called cheerfully, walking into the kitchen.

Devon jumped and immediately regretted it. “Is it?”

“Well, probably not for you. I heard you getting sick earlier. Feeling any better?” He opened the refrigerator door.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “How are you so cheerful?”

“Product of working nights, I guess. When I get a good night’s sleep, I’m a much happier person.”

“Right.” She took another tentative sip of her drink.

“Are you going to be able to go sightseeing today?” he asked, pulling out a full banquet of food.

The night before, they had agreed that Garrett would take her around the city while Hadley had to work. Devon really wanted the chance to be a tourist while she was here, but she knew that she wouldn’t get to see everything if she waited for Hadley to get home.

“Not sure,” she said, walking into the living room. She sat on the couch and put her head between her knees. Seeing that much food was making her want to run to the bathroom again.

“Well, I’ll whip you up something that will make you feel better, and we can get going.”

“You really don’t have to show me around…or make me food,” she groaned.

“Just some toast. Drink up that water. It’ll help,” Garrett said, popping some bread into the toaster.

“Okay,” she muttered.

She drank as much as she could manage. He brought her a plate with plain toast and replaced her glass of water with another full one. She took it without comment and tried to choke down the food. It did help some, but she wasn’t a hundred percent better yet. Garrett had created an elaborate breakfast plate for himself, and he ate it all in the same amount of time it took for her to finish her toast.

She tried standing again. The headache was finally dissipating, and her stomach was feeling only partly queasy. She could make it through another day.

“You ready?” he asked, coming back for her plate.

“I think so.”

“Great. We better get going then. Hadley gets off at three thirty today, so we have a good five hours to try to get in the best tourist traps out here before I have to go to work,” Garrett told her.

“Perfect. If I can make it five hours, it’ll be a miracle,” Devon said. She was happy that she had a tour guide even though Hadley was at work.

Garrett shook his head at her as he stuffed his wallet into his back pocket. “Come on. It’ll be good for you to get some fresh air.”

Devon grumbled something incoherent before standing. She grabbed her purse from the table and followed Garrett to the elevator. Riding the elevator might have been the worst part of the morning. Garrett rested a hand on her back as he warily watched her. She was pretty sure he was expecting her to burst any second, and she felt like she might.

When they finally reached the bottom of the huge complex, Devon uneasily walked out of the elevator.

“Let’s never do that again,” she murmured, clutching her stomach with one hand.

“I’ve got bad news for you.”

Devon glared up at him.

“Well, at least you won’t have to take the elevator for a few more hours,” Garrett offered.

“I don’t even want to think about it.”

“So, what did you want to see?” He stood at the entrance, debating which direction to walk in.

“Everything,” Devon said with a shrug.

“I don’t think we can see everything by three o’clock.”

“The bean thing then,” Devon told him.

“The bean thing?” He looked at her skeptically.

“Yeah, isn’t that what it’s called? I don’t know. I’ve never been there before,” she stated defensively.

“Come on. You’ll figure it out,” he said, walking toward the river.

She started after him, walking past the House of Blues and onto the State Street Bridge that crossed the Chicago River.

“What did I do wrong?” she asked, staring out across the water.

“Well, it’s not the bean thing,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s the Cloud Gate, and we call it The Bean, just The Bean.”

Devon rolled her eyes. She hadn’t thought she was that far off.

“It’s in Millennium Park, not too far from here.”

He strode purposefully across the bridge. Devon stopped for a second to take a picture. She knew she couldn’t post it anywhere online or send it to her mom like she normally would. No one really knew where she was, so it would totally blow her cover if she started posting pictures of Chicago. But she wanted memories of where she had been even if they were just for her.

“While we’re playing tourist, I should let you know that directly ahead of us is the famous Chicago Theatre,” Garrett said, pointing out the giant red Chicago sign.

Devon snapped a photo because…hey, why not?

They continued through the busy streets, and despite having to avoid other tourists admiring the pretty buildings, walking seemed to help her stomach. She still wasn’t prepared for food, but the fresh air was breezy, and Devon found that moving was helpful.

Garrett directed her down a side street and pointed out the glass exterior to the Joffrey Ballet. Looking several stories up, she watched the dancers jumping about as they passed by the building. They exited the cross street onto Michigan Avenue, and Millennium Park stood across from them. Garrett showed her the way to The Bean, and she saw clusters of people were already surrounding the massive mirror sculpture.

From the perfect location, Devon could see the entire Chicago skyline in the reflection of the structure. She crossed her arms and stared up at it, wondering what she would see if she saw her own reflection. Would she see herself rounded and distorted like the city line was in some places or would she appear whole and perfect?

A part of her hoped to see herself rounded and distorted like she felt, but as she approached, she saw her reflection was like any other mirror—a lie.

“Want me to take your picture?” Garrett offered.

Breaking her out of her silent reverie, she shook her head. “No, thanks.”

She didn’t want any pictures of her by The Bean. It reflected the skyline, and that itself was the masterpiece. Her image would only obscure the view.

“Are you sure?” he asked, extending his hand for her iPhone.

Devon pulled it out of his reach. “No, really, I don’t want to be in any pictures.”

“Come on, everyone wants their picture taken with The Bean. I even have Bean pictures. Don’t you want to show your friends or post it on Facebook?” Garrett asked with a smile though it was clear he wasn’t really joking.

“I appreciate it, but no pictures for me. I’m not on Facebook anymore, so I don’t have anywhere to upload them,” she told him, tucking her phone into her pocket.

“How do you survive? Hadley lives on there. Half the time, I can’t even reach her through her Facebook daze.”

Devon shrugged. She’d had to shut it down, at least temporarily. If she were to check in, it could show her location, and she didn’t want to accidentally make a mistake. It wasn’t like she could rig Facebook into saying she was in both Paris and St. Louis at the same time. She was no genius with computers, and even if she were, she was pretty sure it was illegal.

“I’m living in the present,” she told Garrett, which was true. She didn’t even want to think about the past.

“It’s the best place to live.” Garrett just stared at her with the same curious expression on his face.

The whole conversation had triggered something within her. She felt like if she didn’t get her feelings out right then and there, she would lose it. Digging into her purse, Devon pulled out her notebook. She grabbed her favorite pen, stalked over to a park bench, and immediately started writing down bits and pieces of whatever came to her mind.

Garrett followed and sat down next to her, peering over her shoulder. “What are you writing?”

Moving the notebook out of his view, she murmured, “Nothing.”

“Looks like something. I don’t know many people who carry notebooks around with them.”

“Me neither.” She continued to jot down ideas as they flowed through her.

“Is it like a journal?” he asked, trying to read what she was writing.

She scooted down the bench. “Just give me a second.”

She wrote one last line and then shut the notebook. Garrett was staring at her intently, and she made a point of not looking at him.

“So, not to pry or anything,” he said, obviously prying, “but who just whips out a book in public and starts writing?”

He laughed at her, and she couldn’t hold it in as she laughed softly with him. He had a point.

“I can’t help it sometimes. The words are just there.” She stuffed the notebook back into her bag and stood.

“Are you going to tell me what you wrote?”

“Nope,” Devon said, turning away from The Bean.

“Is it like a journal or a diary? Is that why I can’t read it?”

“No. I don’t talk about my writing. Sorry,” she said. “Is that a garden? Can we walk through?”

“Sure,” Garrett said, “but don’t think you can change the subject so easily.”

“It’s not a big deal. Just forget about it.” She walked briskly in the direction of the garden.

She hated when people asked questions about her writing. It was deeply personal. She kind of hated herself for the compulsive habit, but she had been doing it since she was a kid. She was good at it, but she didn’t share well with others.

“It’s kind of a big deal to you, isn’t it?” Garrett asked as they walked into the garden.

“Not really,” she said, biting her lip.

“Then, you can tell me about it,” he said smoothly.

Devon stopped and shook her head. She knew he was just being nice, but he was meddling into things she didn’t want him near. She needed to change the course of the conversation. Any question he asked about her was going to be one question too many.

Bending down, she took a series of photos of a purple flower in bloom. It was better than answering Garrett’s questions. He might be trying to get to know her, but she wasn’t ready to open up to anyone anytime soon.

“Hey, sorry,” he muttered.

She glanced up at him as his hand brushed through his dark brown hair. He actually looked sheepish.

“I didn’t mean to get in your business. I didn’t know it would be so private.”

Devon slowly stood. “It’s all right. Don’t worry about it.”

“Afraid your writing sucks? I know that’s why I don’t show anyone anything I’ve ever written,” he told her.

“No, it’s not that,” she said. Writing came very natural to her. “I just don’t like to show people.”

“I hope you’re not an English major or anything. It would be pretty bad if you never showed your professors your work,” Garrett said with a smile.

“Oh god, no! I’m a social work major.” Devon walked next to him as they left the gardens and headed toward the lakefront.

“Social work?” he asked, wrinkling his nose. “What do you want to do work with inner-city kids in gangs or handle abuse cases? Either sounds awful.”

Devon swallowed hard and bit down on her lip until it hurt. “No,” she answered sharply.

Everyone always looked down on social work as if it wasn’t a legitimate degree, but Wash U had the number one program in the country. Social work majors dealt with all sorts of issues, and were very prominent in the lobbying world. A friend of hers was currently working on protection of women’s rights in D.C., and she didn’t have any complaints about her social work background.

“Social work benefits a normal productive life span. Just because you were raised with a well-to-do family does not mean that the rest of society is so fortunate. People should receive the same care and help,” Devon answered vehemently. “Besides, social work can be used everywhere—government, counseling, nursing homes, community planning. I could go on and on.”

“I do believe you could,” Garrett said with a smile. “Didn’t mean to come off as condescending.”

“We can’t all be business majors,” Devon said curtly.

“Sounds like you really want to be, too.”

“Is that sarcasm?” she asked.

“I would never be sarcastic.”

Devon rolled her eyes as the traffic light changed. They walked across the street and down a set of stairs to the lake. The water was choppy from the wind and the boats out in the harbor. Off in the distance, the Navy Pier looked crowded, and the Ferris wheel turned slowly, stopping every few feet to let passengers on and off. Runners crisscrossed the path, and a couple was rollerblading hand-in-hand. It was a rather picturesque day.

“Stay here a minute,” Garrett said before rushing away.

Devon sighed and pulled out her notebook again. Now that he was gone, she reread what she had written by The Bean. She studied the words and the tone that they had taken. Everything seemed to drift back to the moment that had pushed her over the edge.

Thumbing back to the day after it had happened, she saw the faint bumps in the paper that signified where her teardrops had fallen onto the page. They marred half the page, and as she skimmed the words, she felt a lump form in her throat. The memories and emotions were as all too much. Why was she actively reliving it? She couldn’t seem to get away, and half the time, she didn’t think she wanted to.

She took a few minutes to compose herself before Garrett returned.

Carrying two Popsicles, he smiled brightly at her. “Hope you like strawberry because I’m taking the blueberry-lime,” he said, offering her the red Popsicle.