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- Herausgeber: Allison & Busby
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
1941, London. Sirens warn of danger as German bomber planes approach the city. Ever cautious, Kathy and her mother head immediately for the nearest public air raid shelter but are separated in the desperate scramble to safety. When the building is destroyed in a direct hit, it is a miracle Kathy survives, and before the night is through, she will suffer further loss as her home is reduced to rubble. Finding herself alone amid the chaos and ruins, Kathy is left with nothing but a burning fury towards those she holds responsible for her devastating loss and a determination to join the war effort. Assigned as a secretary to the enigmatic Commander Evans, Kathy throws herself into war work, gaining a reputation for her efficiency and thoroughness. But the commander has frequent unexplained absences, and Kathy longs to discover the secrets of his intelligence missions. Before the war is through, she will come face-to-face with the enemy, and will discover that the men behind the machines are perhaps not quite the monsters she was expecting.
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Seitenzahl: 509
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019
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Friends and Enemies
BERYL MATTHEWS
Contents
Chapter One
Poplar, London, March 1941
‘Here they come again.’ Katherine Hammond’s mother picked up the bag containing a thermos flask and sandwiches ready for another long night in the shelter. ‘Put on something warm, Kathy. It’s a cold night.’
Winding a scarf around her neck and slipping on gloves, she followed her mother the short distance along the road to the shelter. It would be lovely to sleep undisturbed in her own bed, but her mother always insisted they took cover when the air raid sirens sounded.
The shelter was filling up as the drone of bombers approaching could be heard. Making sure her mother was well inside, she took a seat right by the door. Everyone was talking, and it wouldn’t be long before a sing-song started. It was always the same and the singing helped to comfort people, especially the children. The whistle of bombs falling could already be heard above the noise of chatter. They sounded close.
A man arrived late and sat opposite them. ‘Looks like they’ve picked us tonight. They are right overhead and there are hundreds of the buggers.’
An explosion shook the shelter, making cement dust fall from the roof. Then almost immediately there was another crash, and Kathy was flying through the air. She hit the ground with a force that knocked all the breath out of her, and for a while she was confused, not able to grasp why she was in the road covered in dust and debris. There was an eerie quietness, which was broken all of a sudden by people running and shouting.
‘This one’s alive!’ someone called out.
‘Can you move?’
Kathy looked up at the man bending over her and struggled to sit up, glancing at the devastation surrounding her. Then the realisation hit her. The shelter was no longer there. Surging to her feet, she shook off the man’s restraining hand and lurched to where the shelter had been. Then she fell onto her hands and knees, and began to pull at the rubble, frantic now.
The man was beside her again. ‘Come away, miss. There’s nothing you can do here.’
‘My mother’s in there,’ she shouted at him. ‘I’ve got to find her.’
‘Where was she sitting?’ he asked, helping by pulling away some of the larger pieces.
‘About here. I think it’s about here. Help me!’
The next two hours were a nightmare as body after body was pulled from the debris, and she inspected every one in the desperate need to find her mother.
She was finally found, and Kathy knelt beside her, knowing instantly that she was dead. After finding out where they were taking the dead, she stood up and tried to take a step forward, but for some reason her body wasn’t obeying the command.
‘You’d better go to the hospital,’ a warden told her. ‘You’re in shock and need medical help.’
Kathy shook her head. ‘They have enough to do this night, and I must find my aunt.’
‘The all-clear hasn’t sounded yet. You should take cover.’
She gave him a pitying look and pointed to the rubble. ‘I did take cover – in that!’
‘I’m sorry. It’s a bad night.’
‘Bad?’ Anger raced through her like a wildfire out of control and she looked up at the sky, illuminated by the many fires burning all around. ‘Tell that to those bloody men up there. My mother never hurt anyone in her life and now she’s dead. None of the people in there deserved to die like this. It’s senseless murder!’
‘If you won’t take cover, go home and try to get some rest.’
Her laugh was almost hysterical as she pointed along the road. ‘That great hole is where my home used to be.’
The man swore as she turned, finally able to make herself move away from the devastation that had just torn her life apart.
On her way to her aunt’s house Kathy scrambled over the rubble, dazed and oblivious to the chaos and noise. What was going on around her meant nothing at this moment. She was not even aware of the drone of aeroplanes and the whistle of bombs as they hurtled down.
‘You can’t go down there, miss.’
She glanced at the air raid warden holding her arm. ‘My aunt lives there.’
‘I’m sorry, but that row of houses took a direct hit. What are you doing wandering around here? The all-clear hasn’t sounded yet. You should be in a shelter.’
‘I was. That was hit as well.’ Kathy gazed at the devastation around her, unable to put into words what had happened to her. ‘Have they found any survivors in there?’
‘Not yet, but your aunt might be in one of the centres set up, or in a shelter.’
She shook her head. ‘No, she always said she was going to sleep in her own bed, no matter what.’
‘Well, we won’t know if anyone has survived for a while yet, so why don’t you go home and try to get some sleep. Dawn isn’t far away, and this raid can’t go on much longer now.’
‘My house isn’t there any more.’
The warden sighed wearily. ‘You’d better go to one of the centres, lass. Where’s the rest of your family?’
‘My dad’s in the navy …’ With a massive effort Kathy dredged up the words she had been trying to deny. ‘There’s only my mum and she was just killed when the shelter blew apart.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, lass. Go to the hall along the road and get some help. You look as if you need it. You’re in a terrible mess.’
Kathy turned and stumbled back the way she had come. When the road was reasonably passable she stood up straight and paused, trying to clear her head so she could think straight. She was lost, not knowing what to do or where to go. In one vicious night her world had been torn from under her feet and there was an emptiness inside her that was like a black void.
Another loud explosion jolted her, and the void was filled with raging anger, blanking out all other emotions. All grief and horror were instantly trampled underfoot, leaving behind a fury that man should unleash such cruelty on its own kind.
With fists clenched she straightened up. Well, if that’s the way it was going to be, then she wasn’t going to let them get away with this. Somehow, she would make them pay for this night, and all the other nights when people had suffered and died. They wanted a fight and they would bloody well get one. For the first time in her life Kathy regretted being a girl and so unable to join a fighting unit, but she would find a way to get involved in the fight!
‘Come inside, dearie, you look as if you need a strong cup of tea and someone to deal with your injuries. Then we’ll find you some clothes. Yours are torn to shreds.’
‘Are they? I hadn’t noticed.’ Kathy looked at the woman who had taken her arm and allowed her to lead her into the church hall. It was packed, mostly with women and children, as the men were out there frantically digging in the rubble in the hope of finding anyone alive. There were a couple of nurses and a man who was clearly a doctor, dealing with the injured, and women from the Women’s Voluntary Service giving tea and comfort to as many as they could. Kathy noticed the various expressions on the faces of those inside: stunned, sadness, grief and, on many, anger. Oh yes, she thought, this madness would be avenged! The appalling thing was this country was going to have to meet like with like if it was going to survive. It was now a case of fighting or going under, and that was unthinkable.
‘Let me have a look at your injuries, miss.’
‘Hmm?’
‘I’m a doctor, and you’ve got blood on your clothes, face and hands. I need to dress your injuries.’
Kathy looked down at herself and noticed the mess she was in for the first time. ‘I’m all right.’
‘Let me be the judge of that.’ He took hold of her arm to lead her into another room that had been set up to tend to the injured.
She shook his hand off. ‘I said I’m all right!’
‘Don’t waste my time, young lady. I have plenty of other people who need my help.’
He spoke softly, although was clearly irritated by her attitude, and when Kathy looked into his eyes she saw the strain he had been under during this long night. ‘I apologise, Doctor, but at the moment I am so angry, and I am sure the blood on me isn’t mine. Please see to your other patients while I try to calm my thoughts and gain some kind of control over what has happened.’
He inclined his head. ‘That is something we are all struggling with at the moment, but don’t leave here without seeing me. I do believe you have injuries that need attention.’
Kathy watched him walk away, knowing the strain all the rescue workers were under. She mustn’t vent her fury on any of them, or anyone here. They weren’t to blame for this senseless carnage.
‘She’s in shock,’ Kathy heard the doctor tell someone. ‘Keep an eye on her and call me if she needs help.’
‘I’ll do that, Doctor.’
Kathy gazed around the crowded room and studied the faces. A few were shedding quiet tears and she knew it was something she should be doing but supposed that would come later when the numbness wore off. It was as if her mind had switched off and was refusing to look at the horror she had just experienced. The anger that was surging through her had obliterated all other emotions.
‘Come and wash your face and hands, dear, and then we will find you a nice strong cup of tea and a sandwich.’ The woman who appeared at her side looked bone-weary, but still managed a faint smile. ‘My name’s Doris. What’s yours?’
‘Kathy.’
‘Come with me, Kathy, and let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?’
She nodded and allowed Doris to take her to a small bathroom.
‘We’re lucky because we’ve still got water here. The firemen managed to get it flowing again for us. The doctors need it, you see, and so do they.’ She chatted away while she put water in the sink.
As Kathy placed her hands in the sink the water turned pink and she shuddered violently.
‘Easy, my dear. You’ll feel better when you get that off you.’ Doris wet a cloth and wiped the mess from Kathy’s face when she was trembling too much to do it for herself. ‘There, that’s better. I’ll see if I can find you some clothes. People have been generous bringing in all kinds of things we might need, so we should be able to find you something.’
‘Thank you.’ Kathy grabbed hold of the sink for support. The sight of blood colouring the water had brought back the full horror of what had happened, and she knew where the blood had come from. She had tried to revive her mother although she had known she was dead, and that picture had caused her to nearly fall apart. That was something she wasn’t going to do, she vowed, and gathered the rage around her again like a blanket of protection.
Back in the hall with a cup of tea and a slice of bread with a thin spread of something on it, she struggled to think clearly. After a tremendous inner fight, control came, and the cup was steady in her hand. Kathy nibbled on the bread, grateful for the small victory. Somehow, she had to get through this night and the days to come. She didn’t seriously expect her aunt had survived a direct hit, and she would have to deal with the aftermath of this night. Her father was at sea, so she was alone, without any family or even a home to return to.
‘Where were you, dear?’ Doris asked gently.
‘In the shelter on the corner of Benson Street. It was bombed.’
‘How many survived?’
‘A few.’
‘Were you with anyone?’
Her mouth set in a grim line as she glared at the woman, rage flashing in her dark eyes, but she managed to bite back the sharp reply of telling her to mind her own business. ‘I thank you for your kindness, but I’m all right now, and there are many more people who need your help.’
‘I understand you don’t want to talk about it, dear.’ Doris stood up and patted her shoulder. ‘You call if you need anything.’
Kathy didn’t know how long she sat there, or what was happening around her. It was as if a film was running in her head, showing herself and many others digging in the rubble, and as each of the dead was brought out she could see their faces clearly. When she became aware of someone’s hands on her she pushed them away.
‘Don’t you think she should be in hospital, Doctor?’ she heard a woman ask.
‘They are already overcrowded, and as far as I can see she isn’t injured. She’s in shock, so we’ll keep her here until she comes out of it. I see you’ve managed to change her clothes, but has she had anything to drink and eat?’
‘Yes, we gave her a strong cup of tea and a slice of bread, and her cup and plate are empty.’
‘Good. We must see if we can get her to talk. It might help.’
The woman sighed deeply. ‘What a terrible night. So much pain, loss and suffering. Goodness knows what this girl has seen. When we changed her clothes, we saw that none of the blood on her was hers.’
‘By the look of her torn fingernails I would say she has been digging in the rubble looking for someone.’
Someone grasped her hands tightly and demanded in a firm tone, ‘Look at me!’
Kathy raised her head and looked into a face drawn with fatigue, but the blue eyes were still clear and alert.
‘Tell me who you are and what happened to you.’
Such a kind face, she thought, as she formed the words, ‘Kathy Hammond.’
‘And where were you during the raid?’ he prompted, still gripping her hands firmly.
‘In a shelter. It blew up.’
‘Were you on your own?’
She shook her head and looked away.
‘Tell me who you were with. Were they family?’ He gently turned her head back to look at him again. ‘Don’t keep it all inside, Kathy. All the hurt and grief has got to be released. Talk to me.’
Suddenly, fury erupted. ‘What the hell do you think happened on a night like this? Everyone was in that shelter for safety, and those devils blew it up. There were children in there – and my mother.’ Her tone was bitter. ‘I tried to help, but it was no use. My home was also just a pile of rubble, so I came here to find my aunt. Her house has been flattened as well, and they haven’t found anyone alive yet.’
‘Do you have any other family you can go to?’
‘There’s only my dad now, and he’s in the navy.’ Kathy could hear herself saying these things, but it seemed as if she was talking about someone else.
The doctor unwound himself from his crouched position in front of her, his expression grim. ‘Stay here tonight and see what the situation is in the morning. You’ll have to sleep on the floor, but we’ve managed to get some blankets. I’ll be here if you need me.’
She looked up at the weary face and reached out in compassion. ‘You need rest, Doctor. We are in a world gone crazy and you can’t save everyone.’
‘Maybe not.’ He shrugged. ‘But I can have a damned good try.’
Kathy watched him walk away to see what he could do for more people. There was activity all around her. Women were doing their best to supply survivors and rescuers with tea and sandwiches. A baker had just arrived from somewhere with loaves of bread; someone else was bringing in milk and other supplies. Others were hauling in bedding for those who had lost their homes, and there was even an elderly man entertaining the frightened children with card tricks and, miraculously, bringing smiles to their faces. It was an astonishing scene, and one she knew she would never forget.
Rising quickly to her feet she marched over to a group of WVS women who were making sandwiches as fast as they could. ‘Give me something to do,’ she demanded.
The woman who was clearly in charge nodded, picked up a tray full of mugs and handed it to her. ‘Take that to the men outside and tell them there’s food here for them when they can take a break. And thanks, dear, we need all the help we can get tonight.’
Someone opened the door for her and she stepped into something resembling Dante’s ‘Inferno’. The destruction was shocking and the fires from the docks had turned the sky a bright orange. The planes were no longer overhead, but they could be heard as they wreaked havoc in another area of London. There were people everywhere, men, women, some in uniform and many in ordinary clothes, but all were tearing at the rubble in a desperate effort to find anyone buried there. As Kathy gazed at the horrific scene she was certain that it was something she would never be able to forgive.
‘That for us, lass?’ There was a brief flash of white teeth in the grime-covered face.
‘Yes, and there’s food inside when you’re ready.’
‘Thanks.’ He gazed at the devastation all around them and beckoned to others to come and get the tea. ‘It will be a while, though.’
The tray was quickly emptied by weary and thirsty rescuers. ‘I’ll get some more. Have you found anyone alive where that house was?’ She pointed to the large hole where her aunt’s house had stood.
‘We’ve found two people, but they were dead, I’m sorry to say.’ He sighed deeply. ‘Was that your home?’
Kathy shook her head. ‘That was my aunt’s house. Mine was in the next street – and that’s gone as well.’
‘Ah, I’m sorry.’
‘I’ll get more tea,’ she said quickly. The last thing she wanted was sympathy. She was only holding herself together with anger, and that was hanging by a slender thread. If she let that go she didn’t know what would happen to her. Everyone around her was suffering in some way or another, and help was needed, not hysterical females making the rescuers’ job even more distressing. Kathy gritted her teeth as she made her way back to the hall, determined to stay strong if she could. At the back of her mind she knew this was important if she was going to function well enough to cope with the aftermath of this raid.
She continued to do anything asked of her, and when dawn arrived the rescuers were still everywhere. Exhausted firemen, police, medical staff, military and civilians were sitting on rubble or propped up against anything they could find to support them.
‘We’ve run out of everything,’ Betty, one of the WVS women said, coming to stand beside Kathy. ‘We’ve appealed for more and we are going to need it, because these poor devils won’t get any rest today.’
‘Neither will you or anyone else, and tonight it will all start again.’ Kathy fought to keep the tears from her eyes. ‘How can anyone do this to innocent people?’
‘It’s all-out war, dear, and they are trying to break our spirit.’ Betty gave a strained smile. ‘That won’t happen. Just look around you. People are picking their way around the mess in an effort to get to work, and there’s even a bus running. We aren’t beaten yet!’
Kathy couldn’t believe her eyes. People were clambering on the bus and many others were walking, determined to get to work any way they could. She brushed the dust from her clothes. ‘I must go as well.’
‘Where do you work, dear?’
‘Cartwright’s, an engineering firm near the docks.’
‘Cartwright’s, you say?’ A fireman had overheard her and was shaking his head. ‘I was there during the raid and it’s burnt to the ground. No point you going down there, because the whole area is unsafe and fires are still burning.’
Kathy nodded and took a deep breath, trying to clear her mind. There was a funeral to arrange – two if she could find out what had happened to her aunt. Then there was the problem of somewhere to stay, and a decision had to be made about what she was going to do. It was a struggle to grasp the situation she was now facing. In one night, she had lost everything – her mother, almost certainly her aunt, her home and job. All she had were the clothes she stood up in, and even those had been given to her. The list of things to do was daunting, but she was the only one left who could sort everything out, so she had better get on with it. Her first task would be to find lodgings of some sort, then tackle the other distressing things, and she sincerely hoped the meagre amount of her savings in the bank would pay for everything.
Her mind was spinning, threatening to throw her into confusion, but she recognised the feelings as shock, and balled her hands into fists, knowing she must keep functioning. Another thing missing when the shelter blew apart was her handbag containing all her personal details, so that was something else she had better sort out.
It was going to be one of the toughest days she had ever faced!
Chapter Two
The number of people needing help was huge and the authorities were struggling to cope, but everywhere Kathy was directed to go she found kindness and understanding. Fortunately, while she was explaining she couldn’t identify herself because she had lost everything, a woman who knew her was able to vouch for her and even offered a room in her house. It had lost most of its windows, but they were going to be boarded up to make the place habitable again. The woman even gave her some more clothes and another pair of shoes, so she felt reasonably dressed.
With those things settled she was able to set about sorting out the many other things to be dealt with. Her dad wasn’t here so it was up to her to see her dear mother received a proper funeral. She knew where her mother had been taken so she went there first, and after making enquiries she found out where the dead had been taken from her aunt’s row of houses. The only thing keeping her on her feet was the sheer fury surging through her – not only for herself, but for the many others trying to cope with the distressing task of identifying loved ones.
‘Have you found your relative?’ the man beside her asked.
It was only then she realised she was standing still, gazing at the body in front of her and not saying a word. ‘That’s my aunt,’ she told him, finally managing to get the words out. ‘I’ll arrange for the funeral.’
He nodded. ‘Come with me. I will need your aunt’s details.’
‘Of course.’ She turned away too sharply and swayed.
The man caught hold of her arm and steadied her but said nothing. That didn’t surprise her because she knew this poor man was doing this all day. Words were useless after such a dreadful night that had left so many people suffering. The anger bubbled through her with force.
Another man hurried over. ‘You all right, miss?’
‘That’s a daft question,’ she snapped. ‘My mother and aunt have been killed, and my home is just a pile of rubble. How the hell do you think I feel?’
‘I can’t imagine.’ He spoke softly and gently, not seeming at all offended by her outburst.
She was immediately ashamed of herself for speaking so rudely to the young man. Everyone was dealing with this day in the best way they could, and she had no right to make their job harder than it was. ‘I’m sorry to have spoken to you like that. You don’t deserve to be on the end of my fury. Please forgive me.’
‘There’s nothing to forgive, miss.’ He gave a tired smile. ‘I have seen every emotion possible today, and if I was in your position I would be shouting in fury as well. But remember, as bad as it is now, our turn will come.’
‘Yes, I am sure it will, but the thought of unleashing destruction on other innocent people does not bring me any comfort. The only way I can get through this is to hang on to my anger. For some odd reason it seems to give me some kind of strength. Now, can I get this over with and get a cup of tea somewhere?’
‘There’s tea ready for anyone through the door on the left. Good luck, miss,’ he called as he walked away.
‘Who was that?’ she asked the other man.
‘A medical student. We have had to rope in as many people as we could to help out, but everyone is willing to pitch in any way they can. We are all getting used to little sleep.’
She walked beside him to the office and sat down, weary beyond belief. ‘How long do you think they will keep up these night raids?’
‘I expect Hitler intends to do this until we are on our knees begging to surrender.’
She gave an inelegant snort. ‘That will never happen. Churchill said we would never surrender, and I believe that.’
‘So do we all, and I believe Hitler will eventually recognise that, but in the meantime we have to deal with each night as it comes.’ He pushed a form across the desk. ‘Fill that in, please.’
She did so and handed it back.
‘You said your mother had been killed as well, so do you know where they have taken her?’
‘Yes, she was taken to another centre and I’ve already dealt with that. Now I have two funerals to arrange.’
‘Go and get yourself a cup of tea first,’ he said kindly.
It took nearly two weeks before the funerals could take place, and that time was a blur to Kathy. She had written to her father but didn’t know if he had received the sad news yet, because he was at sea somewhere. Her fervent hope was that he had, and at the time of the funerals he could give his thoughts to his wife and sister-in-law, both of whom he had loved very much, as she had. He was out there somewhere, coping with the constant threat from U-boats, and now he had to deal with the grief of losing the wife he loved. ‘I’m so sorry, Dad,’ she whispered, ‘but I’ll see everything is done properly. I promise.’
The day of the funerals arrived, a cold and dreary day, and the pain she felt as her aunt and mother were laid to rest was beyond belief. The violence of their deaths was a terrible memory to have and weighed heavily on her. During the service she did her best to hold on to happier times they had spent together, for that was the only way she could get through the funeral.
It hadn’t been possible to get headstones, and she didn’t have enough money for them anyway, but she had found a carpenter who had made two wooden plaques and carved the names on them. They would do for the time being, but they would get proper headstones later, and that choice would be her father’s.
The emotional strain had taken its toll on her, and she returned to her lodgings drained and exhausted.
‘What are you going to do now?’ the woman who had given her a bed asked the day after the funerals.
‘I am going to the Women’s War Work Enquiry Office to see if I can join the Wrens. The factory I worked in has been completely destroyed, and after what has happened I can’t go back to that kind of work or sit on the sidelines. If I was a man I would join a fighting force, but as a girl I will have to get involved in any way I can.’
‘I’ve been told they are not easy to get into.’
‘So I believe, but I’ll try them first. Dad’s a sailor so I thought it would be good to be connected to the navy.’
‘Well, good luck. You’ve had a decent education, so you might stand a chance.’
‘Let’s hope so.’
After her visit to the War Work Enquiry Office, Kathy had put in her application to enlist in the Wrens and the next step was an interview. The recruitment hall was crowded with other hopefuls and she knew this was going to take some time.
‘Busy, isn’t it?’ the young girl next to her remarked. ‘I’ve been here for over an hour already, and by the look on some faces they are sending quite a few away. Why do you want to join the Wrens?’
Kathy didn’t feel like talking but couldn’t be rude to the pretty girl. ‘My dad’s in the navy. He’s a captain on a destroyer.’
‘Gosh, that’s good, because you might stand a better chance of being accepted.’
‘Maybe. Why do you want to join?’
She grinned. ‘I like the uniform and think the hats are fantastic.’
From the look of devilment on her face Kathy didn’t know whether to believe her or not. ‘You’re joking.’
The grin spread. ‘Nope. My name’s Joyce, by the way. What’s yours?’
‘Kathy.’
‘Nice to meet you.’ She stood up the moment her name was called and winked at Kathy. ‘You never know, we might meet up again both wearing those saucy hats.’
Another hour passed, which didn’t do anything for her fragile emotions. Finally, her name was called, and she was shown to a small office, which surprised her because the interviews were taking place in the hall. Still, she thought, I expect they have to use every available space to cope with this volume of applicants. The man sitting the other side of the desk stood up politely when she entered and indicated she should sit down. Then he settled back in his chair. He was a man in his forties, she guessed, and when he looked up from studying the form she had filled in she felt a jolt as if those dark-brown eyes could see her every thought. She was immediately on the defensive.
The questions started gently enough but became more probing as he made brief notes on a pad. After a while he threw down the pen and sat back.
‘Tell me in your own words why you want to join the service.’
‘My father is in the navy.’
‘I already know that. I want to hear your real reason for coming here today.’
She bristled at his tone and her anger rose to the surface. ‘I came here because they killed my mother, my aunt and destroyed my home. What other bloody reason do you want?’
He studied her intently for a moment, then picked up the pen and put a line through her application form, then turned his gaze back to her. ‘I felt that fury the moment you walked in here, Miss Hammond, but I needed to bring it to the surface, so I could see how bad it was. I understand your distress, but you will not be any use to us, or anyone else until you sort out your emotions.’
That hit her with force. He was turning her down! ‘Surely the thing that matters is that I want to do something to help defeat the enemy?’
‘That is important, I agree, but we need people who will remain calm in a crisis. If they can’t, then mistakes will be made, and that could cause all manner of disasters, and perhaps an unnecessary loss of life. You have a good education, and in all ways are the kind of recruit we are looking for, except for one – your emotions. You are clearly suffering from the ordeal you have gone through, but until you can banish the hatred bubbling through you we cannot accept your application. I am truly sorry.’
She surged to her feet and he also stood as she glared at him, incensed with his assessment of her. She had every right to be angry – didn’t she? Of course she did, and she wasn’t going to let this drop. ‘What is your name?’
‘Commander William Jackson.’
With one final glare at him she turned on her heel and stormed out of the building, hurting so badly it was difficult not to cry out in frustration. She had come here with high hopes, knowing that her qualifications were good enough, but not only had she been turned down, she had been given a lecture by that man. How dare he! He had admitted that she was the kind they were looking for. Her education was excellent, and at twenty-one years of age her experience as a secretary was good. He had no right to turn her away!
Without realising where she was going she ended up in a nearby park and found a seat where she could think quietly, well aware that she needed to calm down. Every word of that interview was etched in her memory and she went over it again and again. Ever so slowly she began to see the wisdom in his words. Of course they couldn’t have anyone flying into a rage when things got bad. Anger clouds the mind and could result in chaos. What would happen to her father if he acted in that way when they were under attack? The consequences would be too terrible to contemplate.
She drew in a deep, ragged breath and she turned her thoughts back to the raid. In one night, she had lost so much, and surely her fury was justified. Suddenly the word ‘No’ hit her. For some reason she had survived, and that gift of life had to be put to good use. Allowing herself to be consumed with hatred was wrong and it would achieve nothing. That man was right again. With such an attitude she would be no use to anyone, not even herself. As her mind cleared, one emotion she had not allowed to surface crept up on her: grief for the loss of those she loved, and the many she didn’t even know. There was also the loss of her home with all its happy memories. All gone!
The tears she had denied began to run down her cheeks unchecked as she allowed the grief to surface for the first time.
‘Are you all right?’ An elderly woman sat beside her.
Kathy nodded. ‘I am now.’
‘Is there anything I can do for you?’
‘No, thank you, but I appreciate your kindness.’
The woman stood up. ‘You take care, dear.’
‘I will.’ She watched the woman walk away and wiped the tears from her face. Even though the world had gone mad there was still kindness everywhere – you just had to look for it. That woman had offered help to a stranger, and so had Commander Jackson by being firm in an effort to break through the wall of anger she had built around her. She stood up and marched resolutely back to the recruitment hall.
Just inside the door she stopped, and her gaze swept around the hall, disappointed when she didn’t see the imposing man she was looking for. Perhaps he was still in the office.
A sailor came up to her. ‘You’ll need to take a seat, miss, but it’s doubtful anyone will be able to see you today unless you have an appointment.’
‘I’ve already been interviewed,’ she told him. ‘I was hoping to have a word with Commander Jackson. Is he still here?’
‘I’ll check. What’s your name?’
‘Katherine Hammond.’
He quickly disappeared through the door at the end of the hall and she waited anxiously. Her interview had been a disaster and she desperately wanted to put things right with this man. He had dealt with her bluntly and firmly, doing her a huge favour by bringing her to her senses. She could at least thank him for that, but even if he was here would he bother to see her again?
After several minutes the sailor returned and when he said that the commander would see her, she breathed a sigh of relief. Kathy followed him, her shoulders back in determination. She had made a big mistake and was going to apologise for that – it was the least she could do, and she was truly sorry for her bad behaviour. She didn’t want news getting back to her father, telling him what a disagreeable daughter he had. She had always been considered kind and understanding to other people, and she mustn’t allow anyone to make her act out of character – no matter what the provocation.
When she was announced she stepped into the room and Commander Jackson rose politely to his feet. ‘What can I do for you, Miss Hammond?’
‘Thank you for seeing me, sir. I want to apologise for my rudeness during our interview. What you said made me go away and take a good look at myself, and you were absolutely right when you pointed out that I would be no use to myself or anyone else if I couldn’t control the fury. I want you to know that it is not usually in my nature to be so hateful.’
Having made her apology she turned to leave, but in two easy strides he was beside her and smiled. ‘I know how difficult it is to keep your mind clear when you have suffered such terrible losses. You look as if you could do with a strong cup of tea. Please sit down.’
She did as he asked and waited while he ordered the tea and sat behind the desk again. The tea arrived almost immediately, obviously arranged earlier.
‘I didn’t expect you to return so soon. I thought it would take you a while longer to clear your mind.’
‘You knew I would come back?’
He nodded. ‘If you had an ounce of Jack Hammond’s determination you wouldn’t give up so easily, no matter how dreadful an ordeal you have had to cope with.’
Kathy sat bolt upright, immediately alert. ‘You know my father?’
‘I do. We served together in the past.’
‘Do you know where he is? I’ve written to him with the awful news about Mum and my aunt, but I don’t know if he’s received the letter yet. I haven’t heard from him for quite a while.’
‘You know I can’t answer that.’
‘No, of course not. Forgive me for asking.’ She stood up to pour the tea and handed him a cup.
‘You are used to doing that,’ he said as he took the cup from her.
‘Force of habit. I’m a secretary. At least I was before the war started. My boss went into the army and I went to an engineering factory to do my bit for the war effort.’ She hesitated for a moment. ‘Will you forgive my earlier rudeness and allow me to fill in another form?’
‘There is no need.’ He removed a paper from a folder in front of him. ‘I still have your application here.’
She stared at it in amazement. ‘But I saw you draw a line right through it.’
‘You saw me draw a line across a form, but you were too angry to notice that it was a blank piece of paper. Your emotions clouded your judgement and you assumed it was your application.’
‘And I saw what I believed!’ Kathy lifted her hands and puffed out a small breath, shocked by this. ‘You were right. I would be no use if I allowed my emotions to be ruled by anger.’
‘Absolutely, and that was what I was hoping you would soon see for yourself.’
When she looked at him he was laughing quietly. ‘You find that funny?’
‘That gesture you just made amused me. I’ve seen your father do that many times.’
‘Oh.’ She grinned the first time since that terrible night and it felt good – so normal. ‘I didn’t realise I had done it. Will you submit my application now, please?’
‘I will.’ He pushed the form towards her. ‘We need a full list of your talents – no matter how trivial you consider some to be – so you can be placed where you can do the most good. You have left that section devoid of details.’
‘I can play the violin a bit,’ she joked. ‘Is that any use?’
‘Put it down,’ he told her with a serious expression, only the glint in his eyes betraying his amusement. ‘Your father said you were good at languages, and you haven’t mentioned that either.’
‘I can manage in French and Italian, but not well enough to state as a skill.’
‘Nevertheless, put it down. What about German?’
Kathy glanced up and her eyes flashed with anger for a moment, then it was gone. ‘Certainly not!’
‘If you have ability with languages you might be ordered to learn. Could you put aside your anger if you had to?’ When she opened her mouth to reply he held up his hand to stop her. ‘I know the fury is still there, so don’t deny it. What I need to know is can you control it enough to take orders – even if unpalatable?’
That took a little thought but not much, and she answered confidently, ‘Yes, I can.’
‘I believe you, or I would not have even considered sending your application through. The past is gone, and we can’t change it, but now we need to keep our mind on what we have to do to win this war. Don’t look back.’
‘I understand what you’re saying, but that is going to be damned difficult.’ She looked him straight in the eyes. ‘However, I will promise to do the very best I can.’
‘No one can ask for more than that.’
When she had completed the required section of the form she pushed it back to him, studying the impressive man carefully. ‘May I ask what you are doing interviewing would-be recruits?’
‘I’m not.’
‘Pardon?’
‘I came along to see how the recruitment was going when I saw your form and decided to interview you myself.’
‘Because you know my father?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I’m very pleased you did. You made me go away and think things through calmly. Thank you.’
‘It has been my pleasure and I’m glad I came today.’
‘You won’t be here tomorrow?’
‘No. My new ship is nearly ready for sea trials.’
‘Oh, you are getting one of the latest ships? That must be exciting for you. Were you sad to leave your last ship? I know from my father how attached men become to their ship.’
‘That’s true, but I didn’t leave my last ship – she left us. She’s at the bottom of the ocean.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry.’ Kathy was well aware of the implications of that statement and he was very good at hiding his feelings, but she still caught a glimpse of pain that flashed across his face. How many of his crew did he lose? What pain and anguish did he suffer? She knew better than to ask, but one thing was clear to her now: this man and so many like him had faced unimaginable horrors, and yet they could still smile and carry on with their lives – and that was what she must do.
Her gaze met his and she smiled. ‘This will be a lucky ship for you, Commander.’
‘I’m sure she will be.’ He stood up. ‘And until you are in the service, my name is Bill. The pub across the road should be open so would you join me for a drink? Your father will be pleased to know we have met.’
‘I’d love a drink. Thank you, Bill.’
Chapter Three
The next week passed slowly while Kathy waited for the official letter to tell her whether she had been accepted or not. She was also desperate to hear from her father, and when they both arrived together she opened her father’s letter first. As she read it tears came in torrents. Her parents had had a happy marriage and she could feel his pain in the words on the page; also evident was the worry he felt at not being with her at this time.
She started on a reply straight away to assure him that she was all right and that he must not worry about her. She then gave him a brief account of her meeting with Bill Jackson, telling him that he had taken her out for a drink after the interview, making it as amusing as possible in the hope it would bring a smile to her father’s face. She left out the bit about her being so furious that he had turned her down at first. That would have worried him. Putting the unfinished letter aside she slit open the other envelope, praying she could add a piece of good news as well. Her heart was thudding as she removed the letter – she wanted this so much. After all that had happened she needed a purpose to her life. Losing so much in one night had left her rudderless, unable to see how she could steer a straight course again. The navy was her father’s life and if she could become even a small part of it as well it would make her feel useful again. She was no longer prepared to stand on the sidelines, and just had to get involved.
The letter was open and in her hands when she realised that her eyes were closed. Reprimanding herself for such stupidity she forced her eyes open and looked down. At first the words were a jumble and after forcing herself to concentrate they became clear. She had been accepted and had to report to Westfield College, Hampstead in seven days’ time to train as a writer, which meant office work. She had hoped for something else, but as she was already an experienced secretary it hadn’t surprised her. The important thing was that she had been accepted. Once she was in and the training over that would be the time to see what other jobs were available.
Relief swept through her as she eagerly added the good news to her father’s letter, knowing it would give him a measure of comfort to know she had enlisted and was getting on with her life. The last thing she wanted was for him to be worried about her. He had a difficult enough task dodging U-boats as they tried to safeguard the vital supplies being brought in by the Merchant Navy. She didn’t know exactly what he was doing, of course, but he was on a destroyer, so it didn’t take a genius to know he would be right in the thick of things. So would Bill again by now, she expected. Strange she had only met him once, but in her mind, she had adopted him as part of her family.
After sealing the letter for her father, she hurried out to the nearest postbox, and then returned to the room she was renting. As she gazed around one thing was abundantly clear, it wasn’t going to take long to pack. She had only replaced essential clothing in the hope that she would soon be wearing a uniform.
Kathy packed her spare clothing into a shopping bag, which zipped up at the top. She was a bit disappointed she was staying in London and not going to somewhere like Portsmouth. That was a place she knew well as she had waited many times with her mother to watch her father’s ship glide into the dock. The memory brought a lump to her throat knowing that the two of them would never stand there again waiting excitedly for him to disembark.
Those days belonged to the past, and she remembered Bill’s advice not to look back. He was right – it was too painful. A different time had been forced upon everyone, and what the future held no one knew, but whatever it was she was determined to do anything she could to help end this madness.
When Kathy arrived at the college she was shown to her cabin – a small room with two beds in it and a girl already there putting her clothes away in a little chest of drawers.
‘I’ve saved the bottom two drawers for you,’ she told Kathy, smiling broadly. ‘I hope that will be all right?’
‘That’s fine. I haven’t got much.’ She held out her hand. ‘I’m Katherine Hammond.’
‘I’m Alice Turnbull.’ She shook Kathy’s hand. ‘Isn’t this exciting?’
Kathy smiled back at the animated girl’s expression, but there wasn’t time to say anything much, because they were rounded up and marched to another part of the building.
There was an air of anticipation among the girls who were having difficulty keeping quiet as they were led to a classroom in the college.
‘Stop talking!’ a voice bellowed. ‘You’re in the navy now, but you sound like a bunch of hysterical females.’
‘Oops!’ Alice grinned again. ‘I suppose we are going to have to get used to being ordered around.’
Kathy chuckled quietly to herself. The command to be quiet hadn’t had much effect, but they would soon learn. She had grown up listening to her father’s accounts of life in the service and knew what to expect.
The rest of the day was a whirl of activity as they were ordered from one place to another, and it wasn’t until they were queuing up for their evening meal that they had time to talk to each other.
‘Ah, there you are.’
Alice pushed in beside her. It was clear that the hectic day hadn’t dampened the girl’s spirit one bit. The huge smile was still in place and it helped to lift Kathy’s lingering sadness somewhat.
‘We haven’t had a chance to talk much today, so can we sit together now and get to know each other better?’ Alice leant forward and whispered, ‘A lot of the girls seem to have come from posh homes and are a bit stuck-up, but I don’t think you are like that. I come from a council house estate and it’s rough there, but I got in because I’m clever,’ she explained, without the slightest hint of boasting.
They collected their meal and found a table to themselves, and when they sat down Alice studied Kathy curiously. ‘I watched you today and you looked as if you knew what we had to do before being told.’
‘My father’s in the navy and I had a drink with a friend of his who told me what to expect.’
‘Ah, that accounts for it. Did your dad join up straight away?’
Kathy shook her head. ‘He’s a career sailor and a captain now.’
‘Wow! No wonder you look as if you belong here. Is his friend a captain as well?’
‘He’s a commander.’
‘Gosh.’ Alice jiggled in her seat excitedly. ‘You’re related to gold braid. Can we be friends? You can point me in the right direction if I start acting out of line. I can forget myself at times and say the wrong things. I get a little overexcited now and again.’
‘Really? I would never have guessed. I’ve had to nudge you more than once to make you address officers in the proper manner.’
Alice pulled a comical face. ‘That’s something I’m not going to be very good at. Where I come from you have to show that you’re as good as anyone else, or you get picked on. I ain’t used to being subservient.’
‘Do your best.’
‘I’ll try, but you keep giving me a nudge as a reminder.’
Both girls burst into laughter and shook hands to seal their friendship.
‘I suppose you come from a posh home as well, then?’
‘No, just an ordinary one.’ Kathy took a deep breath and managed a smile with difficulty as the anger raced through her again. Control it, she told herself severely, remember what you have to do.
They talked for a long time that evening, and Kathy found Alice’s chatter quite soothing. It helped to take her mind off that terrible air raid, and when they retired she felt reasonably relaxed, making her hope the vivid dreams of that raid would stay away. It had been a good day, and tomorrow their instruction would begin. The first chance she had she would write to her father and Commander Jackson. She felt she had to think of him in that way now, rather than as Bill, as she was a lowly rating in the navy.
The training began with instruction of the naval terminology, and although they were not on a ship the rooms were to be referred to as cabins, kitchens as galleys and when going on leave they were going ashore. They also had to do a lot of scrubbing, much to the disgust of some of the girls. None of this dampened Alice’s good humour, though, and she took everything in her stride, even the constant reprimands for not addressing the officers as she should.
One day Kathy couldn’t find Alice anywhere. Her bed hadn’t been slept in, and she rushed to the next cabin and asked the girl there, ‘Have you seen Alice?’
‘I was talking to her yesterday when the first officer came and took her away, and I haven’t seen her since.’
‘Oh dear, that doesn’t sound too good.’ Kathy was worried now. Had they thrown her out for insubordination?
It was not until the next day that Alice sauntered back, looking completely untroubled.
‘Where have you been?’ Kathy asked. ‘I’ve been so worried about you.’
‘Oh, they just wanted to check and see if my memory is as good as they’d been told. They gave me some tests, that’s all.’
‘It took all this time?’
Alice grinned. ‘They kept running the tests, because they didn’t believe I was genuine. I convinced them in the end.’
‘That’s a relief. I thought they might have thrown you out for not obeying the rules.’
‘Not yet.’ Alice burst into laughter.
Towards the end of the two weeks of instruction, Kathy was on her knees scrubbing a long passage with Alice when a woman first officer appeared and stopped beside them.
‘Rating Hammond! Step forward.’
Kathy scrambled to her feet.
‘Come with me.’
The officer marched along the passage and Kathy fell into step beside her, hoping she didn’t look too much of a mess. She was patting her hair in place when they stopped by a door.
Before opening the door, the officer gave a hint of a smile. ‘You look quite presentable.’
The door swung open and there were four officers in there making Kathy wonder what on earth they were doing here and what they wanted with her. Had she done something wrong?
‘Don’t let the gold braid dazzle you,’ the officer said quietly. ‘In you go.’
It was only when she stepped inside that she looked at the faces and almost cried out in joy. Standing behind the group were two faces she recognised: her father and Commander Jackson. The urge to rush up and hug both of them was almost overwhelming, but she couldn’t do that. Not here, not with other high-ranking officers present.
‘Ah, Rating Hammond.’ An officer she didn’t know faced her. ‘There are two officers here who would like to see you. You may greet them.’
‘Thank you, sir.’ She rushed over and hugged her father, so delighted to see him, and then turned to Bill, a huge smile on her face. ‘It’s so good to see you again, Commander Jackson.’
‘Rating Hammond.’
She turned smartly to face the officer who had spoken. ‘Sir.’
‘You have been given two days’ special leave and may go ashore with your father.’
‘Thank you, sir.’ She knew her father would want to see the graves and she was filled with gratitude for this act of kindness to both of them.
‘Go and tidy yourself up and we will go to lunch first.’
‘Of course.’ She grinned at her father. ‘I wouldn’t dare be seen with an officer in my working clothes. Are you coming with us, Commander?’
‘No, I have to get back to my ship, but I wanted to come and see how you were getting on. Do you think you are going to like it in the navy?’
‘Without a doubt.’ She gave a saucy grin. ‘I never realised I was so good at scrubbing floors.’
An amused glint shone in his shrewd eyes. ‘I understand your training is nearly over, so now you will be given something more interesting to do.’
She nodded. ‘I can’t wait to be of use.’
‘How about that other thing we talked about?’
She knew he was referring to her anger. ‘It’s still there, but under control. I won’t allow it to dim my judgement, Commander.’
‘I believe you. Now, if you will all excuse me, I must be on my way.’
When he had taken his leave of them she turned to her father. ‘Give me half an hour to wash and dress in my uniform.’
‘Take your time. I have some business to attend to first.’
Back in her cabin she set about making herself into a smart Wren. They had only just been issued with uniforms and this was her first chance to wear it. She wanted her father to be proud of her in the hope it would give him some comfort while they visited the graves. It was going to be upsetting for both of them, but it was something that had to be done before her father went back to sea.
In no time at all she was immaculately turned out and walking proudly beside her father. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the other girls watching in amazement as she went by. Kathy gave Alice a sly wink when she saw the huge grin on her face.
They had lunch in a pub, and then went straight to the cemetery to put flowers on both graves. Kathy put hers on her aunt’s grave and then stood back to allow her father to say goodbye to the woman he had loved.
After a while he turned away and they walked silently out of the graveyard.
‘Let’s get a drink.’ He led her towards a pub where they found a quiet corner.
