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- Herausgeber: Pushkin Press
- Kategorie: Lebensstil
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016
A book of dining, flirting, dancing and smoking, celebrating the 175th anniversary of The London Library If these 'hints' save the blush but upon one cheek, or smooth the path into 'society' of only one honest family, the object of the author will be attained As the Industrial Revolution spread wealth and work around Britain, a stronger and more influential middle class began to arise. And with it came a rise in social anxiety. For while nineteenth-century fashions were constantly changing, the importance of the baffling social codes was entirely rigid, and a newly prosperous and bewildered middle class was in dire need of careful guidance and advice. And so rulebooks such as Hints on Etiquette began to emerge, aiming to demystify the byzantine laws governing behaviour and social interaction. Many of these pieces of advice might seem dated in the 21st century, but the popularity of Downton Abbey, the existence of hereditary peers and a fascination with the royal family are proof that the class system of Victorian Britain still casts its shadow today... Hints on Etiquette is part of "Found on the Shelves", published with The London Library. The books in this series have been chosen to give a fascinating insight into the treasures that can be found while browsing in The London Library. Now celebrating its 175th anniversary, with over seventeen miles of shelving and more than a million books, The London Library has become an unrivalled archive of the modes, manners and thoughts of each generation which has helped to form it.
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HINTSonETIQUETTE
A Shield Against the Vulgar
Contents
HINTS ON ETIQUETTE AND THE USAGES OF SOCIETY
with a Glance at Bad Habits
BY AGOGOS, 1842
CHARLES WILLIAM DAY was a well-known painter of miniatures as well as the successful author of etiquette writings. Hints on Etiquette, which he wrote because he was “so distressed by the manners of the inhabitants of Hull”, ran to 28 editions. He died in the second half of the nineteenth century, some time after the Observer had first reported his death.
Preface to the Nineteenth Edition
On my return to England after two years’ incessant travel “from Dan to Beersheba,” I found the usages “de la bonne société” somewhat changed: with a new Reine, new feelings and more refined observances had been introduced,—indeed I confess I should have felt slightly embarrassed, had not my ever attentive friend Lady —— kindly taken care of the interests of society during my absence, by noting whatever fluctuations had occurred, and that in so admirable a manner, that the instant adoption of her suggestions was as much a matter of duty as of gratitude. Yet, however curious the world may be to ascertain “which is the Leopard and which the Swan,” it must ever remain a mystery between ourselves.
THE AUTHOR.
LONDON, OCTOBER, 1839.
Preface to the First Edition
This is not written for those who do, but for those who do not know what is proper, comprising a large portion of highly respectable and estimable people, who have not had an opportunity of becoming acquainted with the usages of the (so termed) “best society;” therefore, do not let the “select” sneer, and say—“Oh, every body knows that; there is nothing new here.” Even they may be mistaken, and many may profit who will not choose to own how much they are indebted to this little book.
It would be absurd to suppose that those persons who constitute the upper ranks of the middle classes in LONDON are ignorant of the regulations here laid down;—but in the country (especially in the mercantile districts), where the tone of society is altogether lower, it is far otherwise, although country people may not feel inclined to acknowledge what is, nevertheless, strictly true.
If these “hints” save the blush but upon one cheek, or smooth the path into “society” of only one honest family, the object of the author will be attained.
LONDON , JAN. 20. 1836.
General Observations
Etiquette is the barrier which society draws around itself as a protection against offences the “law” cannot touch,—it is a shield against the intrusion of the impertinent, the improper, and the vulgar,—a guard against those obtuse persons who, having neither talent nor delicacy, would be continually thrusting themselves into the society of men to whom their presence might (from the difference of feeling and habit) be offensive, and even insupportable.
Many unthinking persons consider the observance of Etiquette to be nonsensical and unfriendly, as consisting of unmeaning forms, practised only by the silly and the idle; an opinion which arises from their not having reflected on the reasons that have led to the establishment of certain rules indispensable to the well-being of society, and without which, indeed, it would inevitably fall to pieces, and be destroyed.
Much misconstruction and unpleasant feeling arises, especially in country towns, from not knowing what is “expected,” or necessary to be done on certain occasions, resulting sometimes from the prevalence of local customs, with which the world in general are not supposed to be acquainted.
Besides, in a mercantile country like England, people are continually rising in the world. Shopkeepers become merchants, and mechanics manufacturers; with the possession of wealth they acquire a taste for the luxuries of life, expensive furniture, gorgeous plate, and also numberless superfluities, with the use of which they are only imperfectly acquainted. But although their capacities for enjoyment increase, it rarely happens that the polish of their manners keeps pace with the rapidity of their advancement: hence such persons are often painfully reminded that wealth alone is insufficient to protect them from the mortifications which a limited acquaintance with society entails upon the ambitious. Pride often deters people from seeking the advice of the experienced, when the opportunity of receiving it is presented. It is to be hoped that the following remarks will furnish a guide through the intricacies of conventional usage, without risk to the sensitive, or the humiliation of publicly proclaiming the deficiencies of an imperfect education.
In all cases, the observances of the Metropolis (as the seat of refinement) should be received as the standard of good breeding.
Chap. I. – Introductions
Never “introduce” people to each other, without a previous understanding that it will be agreeable to both.
There are many reasons why people ought never to be introduced to the acquaintance of each other, without the consent of each party previously obtained. A man may suit the taste, and be agreeable enough to one, without being equally so to the rest of his friends—nay, as it often happens, he may be decidedly unpleasing; a stupid person may be delighted with the society of a man of learning or talent, to whom in return such an acquaintance may prove an annoyance and a clog, as one incapable of offering an interchange of thought, or an idea worth listening to.
But if you should find an agreeable person in private society, who seems desirous of making your acquaintance, there cannot be any objection to your meeting his advances half way, although the ceremony of an “introduction” may not have taken place; his presence in your friend’s house being a sufficient guarantee for his respectability, as of course if he were an improper person he would not be there.
Should you, whilst walking with your friend, meet an acquaintance, never introduce them.
If you meet a male acquaintance giving his arm to a lady, take off your hat to him, instead of nodding—as this last familiar mode of recognition looks disrespectful towards her.
In making “introductions,” take care to present the person of the lower rank to him of the higher; that is, the commoner should be presented to the peer, not the peer to the commoner; Dr. A. to Lord B., not Lord B. to Dr. A. Observe the same rule with ladies—the lady (as a female) claiming the highest rank, it is to her the gentleman must be presented, not the lady to the gentleman.
Be cautious how you take an intimate friend uninvited even to the house of those with whom you may be equally intimate, as there is always a feeling of jealousy that another should share your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves, although good breeding will induce them to behave civilly to your friend on your account.
Friendship springs up from sources so subtle and undefinable, that it cannot be forced into particular channels; and whenever the attempt has been made, it has usually been unsuccessful.
Never make acquaintances in coffee-houses or other public places. As no person who respects himself does so, you may reasonably suspect any advances made to you.
An adherence to Etiquette is a mark of respect; if a man be worth knowing, he is surely worth the trouble to approach properly. It will likewise relieve you from the awkwardness of being acquainted with people of whom you might at times be ashamed, or be obliged under many circumstances to “cut.”
The act of “cutting” can only be justified by some strong instance of bad conduct in the person to be cut; a cold bow, which discourages familiarity without offering insult, is the best mode to adopt towards those with whom an acquaintance is not deemed desirable. An increased observance of ceremony is, however, the most delicate way of withdrawing from an acquaintance; and the person so treated must be obtuse, indeed, who does not take the hint.
A neglect of, or an adherence to, the forms of society, in others towards yourself, is oftentimes the only way in which you are enabled to judge if your acquaintance be really considered desirable. You will meet with professions of civility and friendship in the world as mere matters of course; and were you to act upon what people say, instead of what they do, you would run a risk of being mortified, which no person of proper pride would choose to encounter; especially if the other party be, or assume to be, of higher rank than yourself. We never knew a person, really desirous of forming a friendship with another, neglect, either by word or deed, the means of accomplishing such an object.
It is, however, understood in society, that a person who has been properly introduced to you,
