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What would you want your children to know if you believed you might never return from war?
When U.S. Army officer Mark Hertling prepared to deploy to the Middle East during Operation Desert Storm, military briefings warned that as many as half of the soldiers in some armored units could become casualties. Facing the possibility that he might never come home, Hertling opened a simple green Army notebook and began writing a journal for his young sons.
In those handwritten pages, he shared the thoughts of a soldier standing on the edge of war. He wrote about leadership, courage, duty, and the powerful bond between soldiers who rely on one another in dangerous environments. He reflected on the fears and responsibilities that accompany command, the moral questions raised by combat, and the values he hoped his sons would carry throughout their lives.
What began as a private message meant only for his children would eventually become something more.
Decades later, after a long and distinguished military career that included commanding U.S. Army Europe and serving in multiple leadership roles around the world, Hertling revisited those original journal entries. Seeing the words he had written as a young officer preparing for war, he added reflections shaped by years of experience in leadership, service, and life beyond the battlefield.
The result is a rare and deeply personal account that blends wartime journal entries with the wisdom of hindsight.
If I Don’t Return and Mark Hertling’s Journal is more than a war memoir. It is a father’s message to his sons, a soldier’s reflection on the responsibilities of leadership, and a powerful exploration of the values that guide individuals through life’s most difficult moments.
Through stories of preparation, brotherhood, fear, sacrifice, and resilience, Hertling offers timeless lessons about character, integrity, and service. His reflections reveal how leadership is forged not only in moments of crisis but also in everyday decisions shaped by responsibility and care for others.
This book will resonate with readers who appreciate authentic military memoirs, thoughtful reflections on leadership, and deeply human stories about family and legacy.
It is the story of a soldier who prepared for the possibility of not returning home—and of the lessons that endure when he did.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2026
IF I DON'T RETURN AND
MARK HERTLING'S JOURNAL
A Soldier’s Wartime Journal on Leadership,
Family, and the Lessons Forged in War
Reid Reflections
Copyright © 2026 by Reid Reflections. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews or certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
All names, trademarks, and registered entities mentioned in this book remain the property of their respective owners and are used here strictly for descriptive and educational purposes. The author and publisher make no claim of affiliation, endorsement, or sponsorship by any entity referenced.
This book is a work of nonfiction inspired by historical events, leadership principles, and personal reflections drawn from the experiences of military service members. While the narrative and insights presented here are intended to accurately reflect the themes, circumstances, and lessons associated with wartime leadership and service, some elements have been adapted or interpreted for the purpose of educational discussion and leadership exploration.
The perspectives contained within this book reflect the realities of military service, leadership under pressure, and the personal reflections that arise from those experiences. These insights are offered for informational, educational, and reflective purposes only. They should not be interpreted as official policies, doctrines, or statements representing the United States Army, the Department of Defense, or any other government institution.
Military operations involve complex decisions made under extraordinary circumstances. The experiences discussed in this book are specific to the context in which they occurred and should not be considered universally applicable guidance for all situations. Readers should understand that leadership decisions in military environments are shaped by factors such as mission objectives, operational constraints, and the safety of personnel.
Additionally, the reflections and leadership insights presented here are intended to encourage thoughtful consideration about character, responsibility, and service. They are not intended to replace professional training, leadership education, or official military doctrine.
Names, locations, and certain identifying details may have been adjusted where necessary to preserve privacy or clarity while maintaining the integrity of the historical context.
The publisher and author make no guarantees regarding outcomes that readers may experience by applying any leadership principles or personal development concepts discussed in this book. Each reader is responsible for how they interpret and apply the ideas presented.
This book is intended to honor the service and sacrifice of military personnel and their families, whose courage, dedication, and resilience continue to shape the history and security of nations around the world.
INTRODUCTION......................................................................... 1
CHAPTER 1 — THE MOMENT BEFORE WAR ................... 6
The Orders That Changed Everything ........................................ 7
Preparing for Deployment........................................................... 9
The Reality of Possible Death................................................... 11
Why I Began Writing to My Sons ............................................ 12
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 14
CHAPTER 2 — A FATHER’S PRIVATE JOURNAL........... 15
Writing for the Future ............................................................... 16
What I Wanted My Boys to Know ........................................... 17
The Responsibility of Leaving Words Behind.......................... 19
Preserving Memory in Uncertain Times ................................... 20
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 22
CHAPTER 3 — ENTERING THE DESERT .......................... 23
Arrival in the Middle East......................................................... 24
The Environment of War .......................................................... 25
The Waiting Before the Storm .................................................. 27
Learning to Live With Constant Risk ....................................... 28
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 30
CHAPTER 4 — LEADERSHIP UNDER PRESSURE ........... 31
The Burden of Command.......................................................... 32
Making Decisions With Lives at Stake ..................................... 33
The Weight of Responsibility ................................................... 35
Leading When Fear Is Present .................................................. 36
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 38
Trust Among Warriors .............................................................. 40
Camaraderie in Difficult Conditions ......................................... 41
Shared Hardship and Loyalty.................................................... 43
The Bonds That War Creates .................................................... 44
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 45
The Reality of Modern Battle ................................................... 48
Facing the Unknown ................................................................. 49
Adapting in Moments of Crisis ................................................. 50
Maintaining Discipline Under Fire ........................................... 52
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 53
Understanding Fear in Combat ................................................. 55
The Myth of Fearlessness ......................................................... 56
How Soldiers Manage Anxiety ................................................. 57
The Strength Found in Duty ..................................................... 58
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 60
Questions of Right and Wrong ................................................. 62
Spiritual Reflection During Conflict ......................................... 63
The Moral Burden of Combat ................................................... 64
Holding Onto Humanity ........................................................... 65
Key Takeaways ......................................................................... 67
