L’âme agit E-Book

Karine Bligny

• Herausgeber: Le Lys Bleu Éditions
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Französisch

Seitenzahl: 97

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Notre existence est le plus grand mystère de l’humanité. Animé par cette énergie constante, par cette force en nous et par cette flamme parfois appelée âme, l’humain ne peut résolument être réduit à une créature pensante. « Il doit y avoir autre chose », parce que l’âme agit dans nos vies sans que nous nous en apercevions. Elle nous amène, nous emmène et nous promène dans des lieux toujours nouveaux et inconnus, comme les vagues, le vent et le mouvement incessant de la Terre.


À PROPOS DE L'AUTEURE 


Après quelques années passées entre la France et les États-Unis, Karine Bligny pose finalement ses valises à Dijon. Ces années outre-Atlantique furent un voyage aussi bien tellurique qu’initiatique. Aujourd’hui, professeur dans un lycée international, elle enseigne la langue et la littérature anglaise. L'âme agit est son premier ouvrage.

Leseprobe

Karine Bligny

L’âme agit

Nouvelles

© Lys Bleu Éditions – Karine Bligny

ISBN : 979-10-377-7927-4

Le code de la propriété intellectuelle n’autorisant aux termes des paragraphes 2 et 3 de l’article L.122-5, d’une part, que les copies ou reproductions strictement réservées à l’usage privé du copiste et non destinées à une utilisation collective et, d’autre part, sous réserve du nom de l’auteur et de la source, que les analyses et les courtes citations justifiées par le caractère critique, polémique, pédagogique, scientifique ou d’information, toute représentation ou reproduction intégrale ou partielle, faite sans le consentement de l’auteur ou de ses ayants droit ou ayants cause, est illicite (article L.122-4). Cette représentation ou reproduction, par quelque procédé que ce soit, constituerait donc une contrefaçon sanctionnée par les articles L.335-2 et suivants du Code de la propriété intellectuelle.

« Ouvre-toi. »

The Sickness of my Soul

"Sure, let’s do this!" hanging up the phone while packing up.

First year at Brown. Absolute freedom. Live. Experience. No fear.

Eric is my dear boyfriend, my chubby bae, my bff, the one and only one I can tell all about my craziness, my dreams, my secrets. Red-haired, spectacles, tall and imposing, he looks exactly one of those guys who makes you feel at home. Never one judgement passed between us. No filter. Talking for hours on everything going on in our lives – I should say in my life – me the chatterbox – we could browse every possible topic (our favourite one being boys). Not necessarily sex. Boys. Romances. And food. For Eric is an aspiring chef that always always posts pics of his latest recipes – well, I know everyone loves posting those boring pictures, but Eric’s are unique.

We’re such a nice pair, Eric and me; the first time we met was friendship at first sight. Like with Caro (but that’s another story). We like to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, meaning falling in love or improvising trips overnight. We’re amateur alright, but this morning Eric has the envie of skipping our French class and driving to Montpelier, Vermont, eat an ice cream and back to campus. "One day, we’ll do a real road trip!" he likes to swear. That’s a dream indeed. Well, that is a dream.

***

I’ve actually arrived on campus this summer divested of everything I’ve held so dear; apartment, friends and boyfriend. A long phase of boredom had propelled me through an unquenchable thirst for adventures. Testing myself, proving myself, making mistakes, learning what there’s to learn. Exploring darker areas, which music had helped me do so far, but quickly proved insufficient. I needed more, face life, my own life. In other words, I wanted to get away from it all. The decision was a painful one, my departure a terrible pang I still feel today stinging in my guts. The fond farewell kiss in the airport, the long long tears in the plane. That’s when I realised I was losing everyone and my one love. And that I was definitely losing it.

No one understood the whats and whys of a crisis I couldn’t even manage to check or justify; everything had been going just fine, I was dating the most nice-looking loving guy, had a steady relationship, friends circle: in short a secure routine young women in soapy shows would be looking for. As well as a majority of my friends. The dream routine I suddenly desired to kick out. Just like this. The Elliott Smith syndrome: going nowhere or else going down. My whole self suddenly craved for getting the freak out there and hang around in every corner of the earth.

***

"Er… Che vai fare queste vacanze?"

Gosh, I love her air, the way she struggles in her Italian phrase with her Austrian accent.

"Vado in San Francisco."

"Whaaa? I’m jealous!"

"Well, why not join me there?"

Oops, it seems that our Italian language assistant Chiara has just spotted us slipping to English.

Carolin is an international student in my ITAL 100 class. Chill, fresh, I sense we can potentially become an iconic duo: me the Mia-Wallace brunette, her the Scarlett-Johansson smiling blonde. She definitely looks like her, that’s what everybody says. She’s my girlfriend. Period.

"Yay, I just bought my tickets ! Still okay to share your private room in that hostel? So, I should arrive at 11 pm."

"Great, I’ll pick you up at the airport, I’ve rented a car so no need to bother in buses or what."

"Cool, I can’t wait!" Her voice sounds genuinely thrilled.

"You’ll see, the City is awesome, you’ll love it!"

D-day. 11:25 pm. SFO hall. Bag on her shoulder, wearing her same old light-brown sweater and blue pair of jeans, she turns her head, produces a huge smile, and squeals with joy. Long hug, followed by the how-was-your-trip question. Adventure begins.

"I suggest we do the bridge after lunch so that we can explore the city in the morning, huh? There are mind-blowing places to get lost you’ll see!" She smiles, gulping down her tea, and slips the map in her red canvas bag. "I’m so excited, you have no idea". Her eyes suddenly catch the blue and white jukebox in the large kitchen room. "And how about we’ll go dancing tonight?" she suddenly adds, like launching words in the air.

And off we go, hand in hand, we the two Brownies loitering up and down the City’s streets, keeping pace with the singing birds perched on these typical San Francisco trees, as if celebrating our venue here. "Just look at those blooming trees!" I approach one and strike a pose quite like those that can be seen in cheesy movies, trying to reach for a red gum. "Just smell this!"

Funny how life vibrates our inner emotional state. I feel so full of life; life feels so full of light.

"I’ve always heard that San Francisco is a foggy place no matter the season, but see the sun", Caro exclaims.

"I know! I didn’t imagine that kind of weather on a Thanksgiving break. Do check out those scarves Caro!"

Caro always wears yellowish cashmere scarves which suit her really well. Very European.

"I actually need a pair of thighs. For tonight. Remember, our dancing night."

"Honestly, I don’t know."

"Whaaa? Oh please please please!"

How to say no?

"Well, anyway we’re right now in a thighs situation that needs to be solved."

"A thighs situation? What that means? Is it an expression or something? Yes, let’s do find a CVS right now."

The Golden Gate Bridge at last. Two hot guys smoking on the grass. We look at one another furtively. Then a group selfie that turns into a fun selfilm. That’s what people do; few minutes exchange, best friends forever. Which is the magic of social media. I feel the tallest one holding me tight and doesn’t let me go. I really like the way he touches me, and his smell. We’ll keep updated, right?

"I think I’ll stay in the hostel this evening Caro".

I am in a relationship, and so is Caro; I personally sense a danger in going bar hopping tonight. Caro has recently confided me how tired she has been feeling lately with Noah, and I noticed that she has been on the lookout for a short fling or something. Multiplying parties with other language assistants, joining all kinds of event with her students. I’m sure she sees this vacation as an opportunity to go guy hopping.

"But don’t you want to practice your salsa steps?", Caro insisted while showing some steps.

Smart move. She’s grabbing me by feelings.

"Well, dunno...you see...to be honest…"

"Oh I get it, that boy in the bridge: you are going to date him tonight, right? Du Geheimniskrämerin!"

"No, Caro, seriously. Geheim what? What d’you say?"

"It means that you prefer to keep your secrets to yourself, you funny lil’ one. He left me a message for you by the way. I think you made quite an impression!" she says winking at me, while making a large smile that shows her beautiful white teeth.

I have started a phone detox since September as a declaration of freedom, which obviously led me to quit my cellphone once and for all. Although I admit this has sometimes made me count on others for texts or phone calls.

"No no Caro, really, I’d rather stay by myself this evening, really… I’m not into going out anywhere tonight; it feels cosy and warm in here. But do go, do have fun!"

"Are you sure? Girl, we’re in San Francisco! Really really sure? Well, Come vuoi".

Almost 2:00 am. Finally back to Brown. Nobody’s home; Sam must still be in his family in Virginia. Wallowing in my bed, I suddenly break down into tears. Caro had sex with a guy last night.

***

I wish you knew how much this picture didn’t mean a thing to me. Okay, it had reached more than 200 likes, officially making Caro and me the iconic duo. Some even thought we were having a lesbian affair, which officially made us the coolest girls on campus, bold and free. But how to tell you that I had stayed demure all along, yes demure, thoroughly enjoying my moments of solitude to refocus on my own self in the midst of this mess, to secretly reconnect with you. You pretended to believe me the other day on WhatsApp, you always showed me love and understanding, though it was sometimes mixed with a touch of despair which you tried your best to conceal. I was wearing a mask on social media which most of the time never reflected truth. Except for that video of the first compo I wrote that day on the plane, truly moaning your absence and howling out my inexpressible love for you. A love I was incapable to word out back then when we were tearing ourselves apart.

***

Bing! Miami will be my winter break retreat, for I definitely cannot bear the depressing New England cold, rainy and deserted, as has been the campus since the finals.

Going there alone will open my mind to any kinds of adventurous event coming on my way. Just me and myself; I told Eric not to expect any message during my stay. Total unplug. For this time, I am determined not to miss any opportunity IRL to make my existence on this earth worth the experience.

"This plate looks delicious, did you prepare it yourself?" feeling a presence looming behind me.

As a vegetarian caring for fresh modes of food, I have always taken care of preparing my own dish with as many colors as possible.

"Thank you, do you want some?" I politely answer, looking up.

"Well, thanks. Where are you from?"

An extremely lean old lady dressed in black appears before me. She must be sweating like crazy in this hot Miami morning sun.

"I just arrived last night from Brown. Couldn’t stand the weather there any longer. Where are you from?"

"Oh well, I’m a former tango dancer from Argentina. I’m actually here for health reasons."

On a subtle closer look, it seems to me that she could be like seventy or eighty, but I’m really bad at giving age. The red magnolia in her platinum blond hair, along with the black lace indeed gives her Argentinian-Tango airs.

"Cool. I love salsa. By the way, I gotta rush to inquire about salsa lessons in here…" I answer while attempting to steal myself.

"Oh really, did you manage to find good salsa lessons here that you would recommend?"

"Well, I’ll let you know, but I really need to rush now. See you soon."