Make Difficult People Disappear E-Book

Monica Wofford

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 248

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2012

Beschreibung

Save your organization by building the skills to deal with difficult people We all have to work with people we can't stand to be around. Our challenge is to find creative ways to handle these difficult people. In the fable Make Difficult People Disappear, the skills and strategic plan needed to change your mindset are told through a clear, concise story. By first understanding the four main personality types in the workplace, Commander, Organizer, Relater, and Entertainer, readers can then devise effective strategies for diffusing unproductive and damaging behavior. This book serves to change the mindset and behavior of people who deal with difficulty on a regular basis. * Wofford describes how through understanding our behavior differences and natural reactions to stress, that utilizing a plan based on these differences the difficulty simply seems to disappear * Advises everyone from frustrated executives to entrepreneurs tired of dealing with difficult people who suck the life out of their organizations Complete with a step-by-step action plan, Make Difficult People Disappear serves to replenish your confidence and build skills in leading those who until now you didn't know how to manage and felt there was no choice but to continue to deal with or ignore.

Leseprobe

Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Author’s Note on Sources

Chapter 1: Bribes . . . in the Form of Sprinkles?

Chapter 2: Shifts . . . in Your Expectations

Chapter 3: Labels . . . That Actually Make Sense

Chapter 4: Maps . . . Showing Where Others Can Go before Being Told

Chapter 5: Praise . . . without Pom-Poms Unless That’s What They Need

Chapter 6: Clues . . . That You Can Finally Hear

Chapter 7: Hope . . . in What Others Intend Despite What They Do

Chapter 8: Wheels . . . of Motion Not Attached to a Bus

Chapter 9: Habits . . . That Help You Be You and Let Them Be Them

Conclusion

Appendix

About the Author

Copyright © 2012 by Monica Wofford. All rights reserved.

CORE® MAP Profile is a registered trademark of NaviCORE International © 2004.

CORE Snapshot™ is a registered trademark of NaviCORE International © 2004.

Contagious Companies™ is a trademark of Contagious Companies, Inc. © 2006.

Contagious Confidence™ is a trademark of Contagious Companies, Inc. © 2004.

Contagious Leadership™ is a trademark of Contagious Companies, Inc. © 2002.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Wofford, Monica, 1971-

Make difficult people disappear : how to deal with stressful behavior and eliminate conflict / Monica Wofford.

p. cm.

ISBN: 978-1-118-27380-7 (cloth); ISBN: 978-1-118-28363-9 (ebk);

ISBN: 978-1-118-28457-5 (ebk); ISBN: 978-1-118-28732-3 (ebk)

1. Problem employees. 2. Supervision of employees. 3. Stress management. I. Title.

HF5549.5.E42W645 2012

650.1'3—dc23

2011050800

Acknowledgments

After reading a book titled Make Difficult People Disappear, you might surmise that there’s a great many difficult people in my world to thank for the inspiration. Quite the opposite is true. While the author of any book puts the actual pen to paper, it is always the multitude of friends, family, colleagues, clients and even strangers who influence the content. Life always provides the lessons that we can’t begin to fabricate without our shared experiences and the wisdom gained from those times of triumph and turmoil.

There are many to thank for the examples they’ve provided, experiences they’ve enhanced, and guidance they so graciously added to this work. Although only a few are mentioned by name, many others of you know who you are. First and foremost, gratitude goes to those I might call my cheering section. They are the ones who noticed when I was being difficult and loved me or cheered me on anyway. Consistent doses of friendship and guidance were shared by Ron Karr, Terry Brock, Matt Holt, Imad Raad, Jeffrey Gitomer, Christine O’Neil, Sabrina VanNess, Claire Evans, and Kathy Potts. Each team member at Hudson Booksellers and John Wiley & Sons, especially my talented and kind editors, Adrianna Johnson and her partner in crime Susan Moran, have provided unending guidance and thought-provoking feedback that always seemed to land in a way that conveyed respect and caused me to strive to be better. All of my training and coaching clients have inspired me to learn as much from them as perhaps they have from me—whether you have appeared on CSPAN, been president of a major theme park, run your own business, influenced the entire labor movement, led a nonprofit, sold insurance, actively led the “Got Milk?” campaign, controlled national air travel, measured the nation’s standards, provided pest control, or influenced every major software launch the world has ever seen. Each audience member and Contagious Conference participant has given me feedback that what we share makes a difference. Each family member has inspired me to better understand myself and others—whether you have shared the humor of the Dr. Suess story I read at your wedding, reminded me of the difference between difficult and different, or given me reason to develop my own strength. The co-creators of the CORE® Profile, Dr. Sherry Buffington and Gina Morgan, have become like an adopted Mom and Sis and have opened the door to a self-awareness and acceptance that I never thought possible, as well as inspired my actions of helping others become equally aware of who they are and the natural gifts, skills, and talents they possess. Past and present team members of Contagious Companies, particularly Janine, Frank, Bernice, and all of our coaches, remind me of the power of teamwork; and continue to give me the courage, conviction, and compassion to lead such a tremendous team of people, a gift I’m grateful for daily.

While it also goes without saying that there have been some difficult people that I, too, have wanted to make disappear (without going to jail, mind you), I’m grateful for the lessons they taught me that I’ve now been able to share with you. What would happen if we were all grateful for the lessons in life that seemed difficult at the time? Perhaps our perspectives would, in fact, be different. If you agree with that conclusion after reading this book, I thank you for seeing the larger vision I’ve tried to share. Thank you, dear reader, for embarking on a possible mind-set shift, for staying open to seeing others in a light you might not have considered before, and for sharing Make Difficult People Disappear with each and every person whom you believe it might make a difference for—and not only for them, but also for the world in which we live.

Introduction

Difficult people . . . no one goes through life without dealing with a few. Maybe they are loved ones, family members, colleagues, or even bosses. Whoever they are, dealing with them is complicated at best. Accepting them doesn’t make the problem go away, but physically removing them from your life might have serious legal consequences. So, what’s the solution? First, let’s take a look at the origins of difficult people.

Certainly the concept originated long before any present-day people arrived on the planet. Hundreds of thousands of years ago, some people saw others doing things that weren’t being done as they thought best, and they thought the others were wrong. Think of two cave dwellers arguing over how to build fire or make a wheel. Don’t you think one of them got called wrong?

“Wrong” is a label, among many others, and it arises when someone is doing something that causes us stress. The person who sets something on your desk in the pile labeled out-box instead of in-box, is wrong. Same concept. Think about it. Some cave person likely wanted to set fire with their fancy new flame to whomever wanted to make the wheel square, just as we might daydream of bopping our annoying friend with our fancy new phone.

What you’re probably wondering is not why people are difficult or how they became that way, but how to make them stop. You like your phone, and popular advice says bopping people is not good for the phone. Even if it might feel good for the soul at that moment, is it your best solution? Um, no. What should you do instead? Should you attend a class to learn to deal with difficult people, or maybe find a conference that teaches you how to deal with difficulty in general? Who wants to deal with it? It’s a good start, but IF what you really want is to just make it go away and stop it from spreading to the team you lead, the family you love, and the friends or acquaintances you hang out with. Keep reading.

It would be tempting to offer a magic wand or pill or get-out-of-jail-free card with the purchase of the book you now hold in your hands, but alas it’s just not that easy. Actually, it’s easier.

Making all those difficult people disappear is really about attitude, awareness, and acceptance. It’s the attitude that tells you to be fascinated instead of frustrated when someone cuts you off in traffic. It’s the attitude that says “you can do this” when another project is added to your already monstrous to-do list. It’s the awareness that pays attention to your own behavior, warning you when you start to act a bit difficult. It’s the awareness that everyone in the world isn’t walking around thinking about you and your behavior, but rather about their own and the issues in their day that are driving that behavior. It’s the acceptance of the needs, preferences, tendencies, and natural-born traits of others who might be different than you, and it’s the acceptance of the fact that people are not in fact difficult, but instead are . . .

Well, it wouldn’t be right to give it all away before you’ve had a chance to read the story. If you want to make all those difficult people disappear, this is your ideal resource.

I’ve worked with countless leaders, teams, and organizations and have seen the results of changing your mind-set and it’s effect on the presence of troublesome behavior. Leaders have used these strategies to help their teams work through having that one bad apple become the focus at the expense of taking care of a customer. They’ve used these principles to drop attrition rates by as much as 70 percent and radically reduce hiring costs by the millions. Frustrated employees have learned to work with others as a team instead of against each other as if in competition to see who can vent or sabotage the most.

What you will read in Make Difficult People Disappear will likely mirror situations in your own office. This fable looks at two days in the life of a manager who works with others, has a boss and a team, occasionally gets in her own way, and sometimes spends more time on difficult situations among those people than doing her work. She also has a life outside work, and while the fable takes place primarily in a business setting, you’ll see that the wisdom provided is applicable to every part of your life, as well.

This book is a snapshot that will help you gather the details, follow a plan of action, and make swift changes that might be as simple as just stopping, starting, or continuing something consciously that you didn’t realize you did in the first place. It will help you do things that will positively rub off on others and, seemingly simply and maybe magically, make their difficult behavior, and yours, disappear.

You see, what happens is that we all hear conversations differently; we also see situations and people’s behavior differently. We are all looking through our own lens, and the picture we create of someone else is then captured and stored. We label that picture, and—because we live in a time of fast-moving information and programs and devices that ding, ring, and beep to get our attention and connect us to our lives—we simplify that label for easy reference and recall. It’s not just the times we’re in now. It seems to be how we’ve learned to “roll” automatically and it’s time to do things differently. When we’re focused on everything and everyone being so difficult, just as magically as we want the diffculty to disappear, more of it seems to show up.

Use this book as your easy reference to recall what to do next time you encounter a difficult person. Spread the word about how it works. Share the information with your family, church, team, organization, association, or simply your circle of friends. There’s enough difficulty in the world to deal with right now. Why add dealing with difficult people to that effort? If we work together, maybe we can make all the difficult people, and even the silly, stupid, funny, or fascinatingly frustrating things they do, vanish into thin air as if by magic and without having to go to jail to make them disappear!

Author’s Note on Sources

The CORE Multidimensional Awareness Profile® and the CORE Snapshot™ are registered trademarks of NaviCore International. It is with permission that references to this tool and its descriptions have been shared here. The CORE® Profile Online Evaluation book mentioned in Chapter 6 is made available to all who complete the CORE® Profile and purchase facilitation or coaching sessions. Monica Wofford, CSP, is a Certified CORE® Profile Facilitator and Coach and utilizes CORE® Profiles with coaching clients and as a measurement tool for the impact, behavior change, and ROI of training events.

Chapter 1

BRIBES . . . in the Form of Sprinkles?

Her hand floundered around the nightstand like a fish fresh out of water in search of the source for that horribly repetitive blaring sound. Finally, a forceful smack silenced the offending alarm clock. The noise stopped and abrupt silence followed. “There is a God!” she thought as she gathered her bearings. This morning was just like all the others and, after 15 years, she knew the drill: She’d hear the alarm. She’d get up. She’d feed the dog, make the coffee, wake their son, turn on the news, and then rush to take her own shower a full half hour before Dave would realize the world had woken up. Sometimes she was jealous of his ability to sleep through what could have been an Amtrak train barreling through their bedroom, but she also knew she didn’t like the guilt that came with a late start in the morning. Anything after 6 AM was late for Cybil, even on the weekends.