Star Bright New Adult Romance Series - Books 1 to 4 E-Book

Carla Coxwell

• Herausgeber: Revelry Publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

A New Adult Romance Story

As Jenny struggles to learn the lesson that in Hollywood not everyone is what they appear to be, she tries to become a person that she can be proud of. Will she be able to find love and success in Hollywood? Or will Jenny be dragged down by her past forever?

***Due to sexually graphic content and language that some may find offensive, this book is intended for mature readers only***

***This new series follows the original series, Fifty Recipes For Disaster***

Book 1

Jenny has hit a slump. After losing her child and being in an abusive relationship, she finds herself in a rut. Day in and day out, she does the same thing, slowly losing herself. A random encounter with an old high school friend changes Jenny’s course. Before she can overthink it, she is jet setting off to Hollywood to restart her life. 

Book 2

Jenny finally feels that she is able to focus firmly on her future until a ghost from her past returns to ruin her present. Things are not always what they appear when dealing with rising fame. Jenny discovers love doesn’t always work out the way that she plans and friends aren’t always the people she thinks they are. With the walls closing in around her, will Jenny be able to face the fear head on, or will she merely sink and drown under the waves?

Book 3

Jenny finds herself lost in Hollywood, her personal life open to tabloid drama. She has fallen into the clutches of Rich, a man who wants nothing else from her but to ride her coat tails to fame and fortune. With Rich blackmailing her, Jenny feels her grasp on her own life fading.

Book 4

Time is running out for Jenny's chance of getting rid of Rich, her blackmailer. While working out a plan to escape his clutch, she uncovers details of his past that explain why Rich is the man that he is today. As she navigates her life and strives to leave her fear in the past, will she lose everything she has worked hard to achieve? Will Rich forever have control over her or will Jenny break free and come into her own?

Download the story to find out what happens.

Leseprobe

WARNING

This book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language. It may be considered offensive to some readers. This book is for sale to adults ONLY.

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Please store your files wisely where they cannot be accessed by underage readers.

Copyright 2016 by Revelry Publishing

All Rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this book. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known, hereinafter invented, without express written permission of the publisher.

DISCLAIMER

This book is a work of FICTION. It is not to be confused with reality. Neither the author nor the publisher or its associates assume any responsibility for any loss, injury, death or legal consequences resulting from acting on the contents in this book. The characters, incidents and dialogue are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. Every character in this book is over 18 years of age. The author’s opinions are not to be construed as the opinions of the publisher. The material in this book is for entertainment purposes ONLY. Enjoy.

Other Books by Carla Coxwell:

Fifty Recipes For Disaster New Adult Romance Series (This series precedes “Star Bright New Adult Romance Series”)

Trying to win a competition for best chef is cut-throat business. Kiara Sands has just won the opportunity of a lifetime. When she arrives at Fission, she has no idea just how much her life is going to change. She’s immediately introduced to Jenny Foster and Robbs Martin, her competitors in the cut throat competition. The only thing Kiara finds more distracting than Robbs’ hateful attitude is the handsome executive chef, Paul Weston. It doesn’t help matters that Paul is quite taken by Kiara, and showers her with more attention than he gives her competitors.

Torrid Exposure New Adult Romance Series

April is finished with school and ready to build a career. Coming from a well-to-do family, she has decided to reboot her life completely. With family scars too deep to mend, April craves a fresh start. But the past is harder to shake than April ever would have imagined. At the center of it all is Bennett, an old family friend who is the heir to a billionaire media mogul company. Bennett and April haven’t been able to stand each other since they were kids. But as the world shifts, the two of them discover the past might be the key to their future.

Devil's Advocate BBW MC New Adult Romance Series

When Kristie comes home from college, the last thing she is expecting is her world to be turned upside down by the appearance of her step-brother, Gray. Gray is rash, impulsive and breaks the law. Kristie’s mom asks if she can try to befriend Gray, in hopes to get him on the straight and narrow. The plan backfires, however, as Kristie finds herself falling for Gray. Is it possible he feels the same way? The connection between them threatens to tear down everything Kristie has ever held dear.

Obsessed Bounty Hunter Romance Series

Jacqui Schneider couldn't help it. Every time the memories of her family's brutal murder haunted her, she had to escape. The only thing that could replace her sorrow was sex...and lots of it. Depressed and with no goal in sight, Jacqui continued on with her self-deprecating lifestyle until it all changed one day. Uncle Max, an old family friend, appeared unannounced. Jacqui was astonished when Uncle Max revealed a secret to her about her father. From those few words, Jacqui's world turned completely upside down. She really didn't know her own father. In fact, she didn't even know much about Uncle Max, except that he visited them for a few days at a time over the years.

Get the latest update on new releases from the author at:

https://www.carlacoxwell.com/newsletter

This book contains all the stories of the “Star Bright New Adult Romance Series”

Book 1

Torn between her feelings for her agent, Jon, and Rich, a charming bad boy who has ties in the movie industry, Jenny finds herself working through her own past to try to get a grip on her present. As she struggles to learn the lesson that in Hollywood not everyone is what they appear to be, Jenny tries to become a person that she can be proud of. Will she be able to find love and success in Hollywood? Or will she be dragged down by her past forever?

Book 2

Jenny finally feels that she is able to focus firmly on her future until a ghost from her past returns to ruin her present. Things are not always what they appear when dealing with rising fame. Jenny discovers love doesn’t always work out the way that she plans and friends aren’t always the people she thinks they are. With the walls closing in around her, will Jenny be able to face the fear head on, or will she merely sink and drown under the waves?

Book 3

Jenny finds herself lost in Hollywood, her personal life open to tabloid drama. She has fallen into the clutches of Rich, a man who wants nothing else from her but to ride her coat tails to fame and fortune. With Rich blackmailing her, Jenny feels her grasp on her own life fading.

Book 4

Time is running out for Jenny's chance of getting rid of Rich, her blackmailer. While working out a plan to escape his clutch, she uncovers details of his past that explain why Rich is the man that he is today. As she navigates her life and strives to leave her fear in the past, will she lose everything she has worked hard to achieve? Will Rich forever have control over her or will Jenny break free and come into her own?

Star Bright New Adult Romance Series

Books One to Four

By Carla Coxwell

Copyright Revelry Publishing 2016

Table of Contents

Book One

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Book Two

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Book Three

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Book Four

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Epilogue

Other Books by Carla Coxwell

About the Author - Carla Coxwell

Connect with Carla Coxwell

Book One

Chapter One

THE SUNLIGHT creeps into my room. I groan and turn my head the other direction, trying to sleep through it. The last thing I feel like doing is getting up this morning. I never want to get up again. Everything I’ve done for the last few months has been robotic.

The holiday season is usually my favorite time of year. There is nothing I love more than browsing around the shops, looking for the best things to buy for my parents and friends.

That was before everything in my life went to hell. Now the thought of seeing anyone or even shopping makes me want to go back to sleep for the rest of the day.

Maggie... my daughter...

This would have been her first Christmas.

The thought comes to me quickly, before I can attempt to stop it. I try to stop all thoughts of her. Yet all it does is drive me into the pit of despair even faster. If I start thinking about her now, I will never get out of bed. I tell myself I will handle this morning the way I handle every other morning – with baby steps.

Open my eyes. It sounds ridiculous to make that a step but when I tell myself baby steps, I truly mean baby steps. If I think of what to do all at once – get up, shower, make coffee – it is all so overwhelming that I don’t want to leave my bed.

The baby steps continue. Get out of bed. Walk to the bathroom. Brush my teeth. Open the shower door. Depression makes even the thought of getting in the shower to wash, only to do it all over again tomorrow, seem idiotic.

After my shower, I decide to go grocery shopping. I remember coming home last night and not finding anything substantial to eat. Instead I ate three slices of bread and went to bed. My stomach is growling loudly at me, demanding something decent to eat.

I slip on an oversized long-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of baggy jeans. Gone are the times when I cared about what I looked like. I don’t want anyone to notice me ever again. It is safe to be by myself. I tell myself I can handle being alone.

Before I leave, I check my bank account on my phone. My savings are dwindling. I need to get a job. This can’t last forever. When I quit my job, I figured something else would fall into my lap. But it’s hard to have things fall in your lap when you never leave your bed. I’m becoming pathetic. I grab my purse and head out into the chilly morning.

A thin layer of snow covers the ground. The sun has now retreated behind a mass of gray clouds. They threaten a heavy snowfall. I wouldn’t mind if it snowed everyone in. Sadly, Netflix is my new best friend.

The grocery store is brimming with families with their kids in tow, out of school for the holidays. I curse myself for not thinking of this before I left my apartment this morning. I wander around blindly, my list in hand, as my gaze falls on the kids around me. My heart beats quickly in my chest and my skin feels numb. All I want is to take Maggie’s hand and walk through the store with her. I would kill to see her try to grab something off the shelf or plead with me to get her a doll in the small toy section.

Instead I am alone, a panic attack blooming on the brink. What is my trigger exactly? Happy kids? Couples who look down at their children and beam? I feel stupid as I park my basket in a random aisle and bolt into the restroom, which is thankfully empty. I go into one of the stalls then close my eyes tightly.

I can’t live like this forever. Every time I decide to leave the house, I find myself overwhelmed by people or past memories. Everything seems to be trying to get my attention, telling me that my old dreams have died and I am letting life pass me by.

I have done things in my life that I am not proud of. I have terrible taste in men. I have a habit of only being attracted to assholes or drunks and I have had no issues cheating on people to be with someone else.

My skin feels hot and itchy as I try to avoid the panic attack that will knock me over. I focus on my breathing.

I am here. I am here. I am here.

I am nowhere else. What I have done in the past is in the past. I can’t get Maggie back. I won’t get Paul back after what I’ve done to him. I even feel like I deserve what Robbs has done to me.

Focusing on my breathing and repeating my mantra helps slow my heart rate down. I am glad no one else has come into the bathroom. The last thing I need is someone else thinking I am crazy.

After ten minutes, I am able to leave the stall. I splash some water on my face and look in the mirror. I hardly recognize myself. I have let myself go. I have to get a handle on my life but I have no idea how to do so. I have been hoping a sign will come to let me know what to do next. But what if that is just an excuse to give myself a pass on my shitty behavior? What if this is the sign – almost having a panic attack in a supermarket over happy children?

I leave the restroom, ready to get my grocery shopping done without further incident. By the time I leave the supermarket, I am feeling grounded again. Sometimes my head gets the best of me. I decide I’ll brush it from my mind and go get a coffee. I haven’t bought anything frozen, so I don’t need to get home right away. My inner chef refuses to die, so the thought of making a frozen meal still does not appeal to me, even with how depressed I am.

It has been a while since I have treated myself to an overpriced iced coffee. But today is quickly becoming a day that is unlike the others so I head into the coffee shop, trying to ignore the small crowd standing in line to wait. I find myself lost in thought at the menu, which seems to have doubled in items since the last time I was here.

Someone taps on my shoulder, and I nearly jump out of my skin. I take a deep breath and turn around, fearing who it will be.

“I knew it was you! I wasn’t 100 percent sure, but I just had to see!”

“Kathy?” I reply, my eyes widening.

Kathy smiles a toothy grin back at me. “Jenny! It’s been so long!”

“It really has,” I reply and then stiffen in surprise when she brings me in for a hug.

I haven’t seen Kathy since high school. We took English class together our junior and senior year. We really mostly just slacked off or talked shit about the different people in class. We probably could have been in AP English but instead had opted for the regular class. Despite the fact that both of us had been lazy about school, at least Kathy was involved in drama club. I had watched her in the school play every Christmas. They were always terrible. I vividly remember the crazy drama teacher to this day and the fact that she never did a run through of her own work. The plays always ended up being over three hours long.

Near the end of senior year, Kathy and I had a falling out. She’d dated a guy she knew I had liked. Back then, that had been enough to end the friendship. We had lost touch. But now, instead of feeling dread at a social interaction, I feel relief. Here is someone who has no idea about what I have gone through with Kiara, Robbs or Paul. She doesn’t know about Maggie either.

The relief of knowing I’m not going to have to answer uncomfortable questions makes me feel more warmly towards her than anyone else recently.

“How have you been?” she asks me.

I am cut off before I can reply because I am next in line. I order something with white chocolate, and Kathy orders something overly complicated. Before I know it, I am sitting across from her in a little table in the back of the shop. Her hair is up in a slick ponytail and her makeup looks as if it had taken hours to do. She is wearing an outfit that fits her like a glove. She looks absolutely stunning. Kathy was always a bit of a wallflower in social situations in the past. She only came alive in the terrible plays. But now it looks as if the sun is shining down directly on her.

“So, tell me what has been going on with you?” I prompt, not wanting to start the discussion with me going first.

“Oh, nothing in this boring old town. I’m planning on moving, actually.”

My heart drops, which I know is stupid. I have just met her after years of no contact. Already I have apparently leapt ahead to having a friend here, someone I could reconnect with. The fact Kathy is moving shuts the door firmly in my face.

“Where are you moving to?”

“Hollywood!” Her eyes light up as she takes a sip of her coffee. “I got a new agent, and we agreed trying to bounce around for work in this town is a bad idea. Better to move to the heart of it. Just pack up and leave.”

Just pack up and leave. The words roll across my brain. I have a mental image of packing up and just leaving. Somewhere where no one knows me. Paris. Hong Kong. London. It doesn’t matter. Somewhere no one will see me or know my past.

“Hollywood, wow,” I breathe, thinking of how the city never sleeps and there are always things to do. “That sounds amazing, really. So you’re going for the big time then, huh?”

Kathy nods. “Sure am. I had one foot in my old world living here and another in Hollywood. But you can’t have both. I realized you have to pick a world and stay in it. But why would I stay in the old world when I know for a fact that it doesn’t make me happy?”

Her words resonate with me. I take a sip of my own coffee to stall for time before I respond. I don’t want to say anything stupid. I am worried I’ll look weird if I start to spill my heart out to Kathy. But her words are burrowing into my chest, heading toward my heart. A foot in one world and a foot in another world.

“What about you?” Kathy asks. “What are you up to?”

Lie. Make something up. Tell her you volunteer at the library or something. I try to take in a long deep breath only to let out a strange choked noise.

“Nothing,” I reply, my voice strange and high pitched. “I’m not doing anything.”

Chapter Two

I can’t believe it. I feel like an ass. Here I am, literally blubbering about my life to a friend I haven’t spoken to since high school. I was so thrilled at someone not knowing the baggage in my life. Yet for some reason Kathy asking me how I am doing and realizing I can tell someone who was on the outside about what I had gone through was enough for me to spill my guts.

I spew up the entire story. Kiara. Working as a server. Being with Paul and Robbs. Losing my baby and what Robbs did. By the time I finish, the ice in my coffee has melted, making it undrinkable. Some people are glancing over at me, as if trying to figure out why a woman is crying in the middle of the coffee shop.

To Kathy’s credit, she didn’t once look overwhelmed or put off by my sudden emotional outburst. She lets me talk without interrupting or getting up and walking off. How much of that is due to being polite and how much of that is because of how much she cares, I don’t know. All I know is when I finally finish my tale of woe, I feel as if a giant bubble has burst inside of me. The bubble of negativity that I have been holding inside of me for what felt like ages is now gone.

However, I feel mortified. I can’t believe I just blurted everything out to someone who is practically a stranger. I rub my eyes swiftly to stop more tears from coming.

“I am so sorry,” I say, taking in a shuddering breath. “Oh my god, this is so... I can’t believe... I’m so sorry.” I bury my face into my hands and try to calm my sobbing.

But Kathy shakes her head, her brown eyes wide with concern. “No, Jenny, it’s okay. You needed to talk. To really talk, by the looks of it. And what you told me – what you’ve gone through – makes my last rough period look like a vacation.”

I feel ashamed. The last thing I want to do is trivialize anything someone else has gone through with my own bullshit. I open my mouth to say as much but Kathy speaks first.

“Listen, I need a roommate. I have the apartment I want all set up, but I can only live alone for about three months before I run out of savings. I was going to look for a roommate once I got to Hollywood, but why don’t you come with me?”

I freeze. What she is suggesting is the last thing I expected her to say.

“No, no,” I reply, shaking my head. “I couldn’t possibly.”

“Why not?” Kathy presses. “You said yourself that there’s nothing left for you here. That’s how I feel about living here too. Plus the amount of money I was spending on flying to Hollywood and back was stupid. Two different worlds, remember? That’s what’s going on with you, too. You have a world where you’re stuck in the past and a new one that I’m offering you. Come to Hollywood. Experience the world with me. You said yourself you don’t want to be a chef anymore, so come on.”

I suddenly feel in over my head. This all sounds too good to be true. I stand up suddenly, wanting nothing more than to get out of here.

“I need to go. Let me think about it, okay? When do you leave?”

“This Friday. Let me give you my number.”

I log her number into my phone and then bolt, giving her a quick wave. Once I get back outside, the cold air smacks me in the face. I feel stupid for blurting everything out like that. There is no way Kathy could honestly mean for me to come with her, right? But as I get in my car, I remember the look on her face when she asked me. She truly did mean it.

But should I take her up on it?

<<<>>>

That evening, the snow kicks up. The threatening gray skies finally open up. The white flakes come down heavily, covering everything like a blanket as I curl up on the couch watching TV. For the first time in ages, I make hot chocolate and do several loads of laundry. That, plus the grocery shopping and my conversation with Kathy, means this day has been one of the most productive I have had in ages.

It could be because the entire time I have been thinking about what Kathy has offered - moving to Hollywood. What would I do there? Wait on tables yet again? I don’t want to get back in the same business, but my experience in other areas is lacking.

But haven’t I been wishing about packing up and going where no one knows who I am? And now I have the option but I’m stumbling. I am stalling and trying to find a reason to say no. Kathy is right. I am afraid of moving forward. That and the thought of my dwindling savings makes me call her later that evening before bed.

“Did I wake you?” I blurt out before Kathy can even fully answer “Hello?”. I cringe to myself at how I seem to have lost all proper manners lately.

“No, I’m usually up super late. What’s up?”

“I was thinking... about your offer... the one to move to Hollywood.” I am stalling, suddenly feeling unsure again.

“Listen, I know it was a lot to spring on you. I get like that sometimes, just so full of crazy ideas that I spew them out without thinking them all the way through. Of course you have a life here that you need to tend to. It’d be insane to expect you to just drop everything and go.”

My heart falls. Is she retracting her offer? I suddenly realize that I want to go. That is what I truly want. Anything else is the fear talking, trying to hold me back in my depressive slump that I call my life.

“But,” Kathy goes on, oblivious to my inner dialogue, “I still think you should consider it. I can give you the number to my old agent. He’s excellent, but he had to drop off some clients because of a family emergency. I volunteered to be one and then just hopped to another agent he recommended because I didn’t feel like waiting. I just don’t want you to think I’m giving you someone shitty.”

“An agent?” I reply, stumbling over my words. “Why would I need an agent?”

“You don’t want to go after the dream of being a chef anymore. So why not try getting into show business?”

I swallow my laughter. I know Kathy is being serious. I don’t want to seem as if I am pissing all over her idea. But honestly - acting? How can she be serious? I don’t know the first thing about acting. I have a mental image of me in a commercial for a feminine hygiene product, jumping into the air to hit a volleyball or strolling along the beach, a big smile plastered on my face because of my brand of tampon.

“Kathy, I don’t think I need an agent.” I hope I don’t sound like that was the craziest idea I have ever heard.

“You won’t get anywhere without an agent, Jenny, trust me. Anyone who doesn’t have one is filming low budget horror movies in ten-minute segments ‘cause they can’t afford filming permits anywhere.” Something in her tone makes me think that she has had experience in this as she goes on. “Anyway, Jon is great. I’ll give you his number.”

“No, Kathy, I mean that I don’t think acting is for me. I don’t know the first thing about acting. I’ve never done that for a second in my life.”

“Oh. Well listen, it could be a talent you don’t even know you have! Think of it as an adventure!”

An adventure. I allow the words to sink into my head. If I am going to Hollywood, then why not go all the way? I have been slumping around here, fending off panic attacks over happy children and thinking about Robbs and Paul. I need to reinvent myself desperately. And even if acting turns out not to be my thing, it’s Hollywood. I can find something else to do.

“Okay,” I say. “Sounds good. Let’s do this.”

Kathy squeals, sounding relieved at having found a roommate already. “Great! That’s great! I’ll text you the information for the place I’m renting. I’ll be leaving before you, but that’s okay. I’ll get everything set up. You just get things wrapped up on your end.”

We talk a little more before I hang up the phone. I suddenly feel exhausted. Was it really this morning I had woken up, using baby steps to get myself into the shower? Now I’m moving to Hollywood. I look out the window.

Everything is going to change. Am I ready to reinvent myself?

Chapter Three

My heart is pounding in my chest. The taxi driver is ignoring me, lost in whatever terrible music he’s listening to. I turn back to watch my apartment become smaller and smaller. Has it really only been two weeks since Kathy made me the offer to come with her to Hollywood?

I had to quickly sell my car. Settled for much less than what it was actually worth which bummed me out. The cost of living in Hollywood is much higher than here, and I needed the cash, especially since I have been using my savings to laze around. I had to pay a fee to end my lease early. Lastly, I told everyone on Christmas that I was leaving.

It hadn’t gone as well as I would have liked it to. I understand it all seemed sudden. My family is worried I am making a rash decision and am having a lapse of lucid judgement. My words had failed me when I tried to explain to them that I need to get out of here and start somewhere new.

I sold everything I could and packed up my clothes. Before I know it, I’m riding toward the airport. Kathy has been there for a week already and tells me that her old agent, Jon, is waiting for my call.

That is something I haven’t told anyone else – the possibility of acting. I know that everyone will shoot it down and with good reason. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time Googling stuff about acting. The chances of anything coming of this are slim to none. My previous notion of landing a tampon commercial is dreaming too high. I will be lucky if I get an audition.

I told Kathy as much, but she brushed off my concerns. She is overly positive for someone who, from what I can gather, has gotten only tiny roles here and there in commercials and bad movies. But I don’t want to suddenly piss on her parade since we’re going to be roommates and she’ll be my only friend in an unfamiliar city.

By the time the taxi arrives at the airport, I have worked myself up in a frenzy. Part of me wants to stay in the taxi and turn back around, back to my apartment. Call the whole idea off. But I have nowhere to live here now. If I don’t head to Hollywood, I’ll just be homeless and jobless.

After spending what feels like an eternity getting through security and waiting for the plane, I finally locate my seat. I plop down into the window seat, hoping whoever sits next to me won’t feel like talking. I decide I’ll put on headphones and zone out with an inflight movie. I wish I brought something to read as well in case the movie options are horrible.

I press my head against the airplane window, which is cold to the touch. I am leaving, going to Hollywood and starting over. I shut my eyes and take in a deep breath. Will it be possible to move on from my past? To not wake up in the middle of the night and feel haunted by what had happened to Maggie?

All I can do is move forward and find out for myself.

<<<>>>

By the time I finally get to Hollywood, I’m feeling a strange mix of exhaustion and exhilaration. Every nerve in my body hums. I desperately want a shower. My face is glued to the window as we land. I am finally here.

Kathy is waiting for me by the baggage claim. She runs over to me, dressed as if she is going to a business meeting. Her hair is up in a bun, and she wears a dark brown pantsuit with a fabulous necklace. I feel frumpy in my sweatshirt and yoga pants. Everyone around me is dressed to the nines in clothes that I wish I owned. Investing in a new wardrobe is something I hadn’t considered. It is true. Somehow in all of my planning, the fact that I am moving to Hollywood, where the young and rich come to play, had fallen out of my head.

“Hey!” Kathy shouts. “How was the flight?”

“Long. The layover felt even longer. But I’m here now! I could totally use a shower.”

“Great. Let’s get your stuff, and you can finally see your new home!”

Before I know it, we have my luggage and are stepping outside. I am bowled over by how humid it is. Suddenly I realize that I am the only person wearing a sweatshirt in the entire baggage claim. Now I understand why. I yank it off, revealing a baggy T-shirt I had thrown on in the last second before leaving.

I get in Kathy’s car, and we zip out of the airport, heading toward her – no, our – new place.

“I have the apartment unpacked and set up but if you find you need anything we can just run out and buy it. I know you were bummed about selling your car, but feel free to use mine. I like to walk around Hollywood anyway, so you can use it unless I have an audition. You should call Jon tonight, too. He wants to get the ball rolling with you ASAP.” Her tone is clipped and sharp, as if she has a mental list in her mind a mile long.

I nod mutely, still on sensory overload as we pull off the highway and into Hollywood. I look outside my window at all the palm trees. Even more people. The sky is a bright blue, as if we are in a marble. The buildings are tall, gleaming in the sunlight. Everything I look at makes it clear I am a far cry from back home.

“It’s overwhelming when you first get here,” Kathy says, clearly making note of my expression. “But you’ll love it, truly.”

I tear my eyes away from someone playing their guitar on a street corner and look at her. “Thanks for... all of this.”

“Don’t mention it. It isn’t a problem. It works out for me too, since I needed a roommate.”

“Are you nervous about living here full time?”

Kathy shakes her head as we hit traffic. “Nah. I’ll never make it if I don’t make the full jump.”

“Does this old agent of yours...”

“Jon.”

“Right, Jon. Does he know I’ve never acted a day in my life?”

“He’s looking for new blood, Jenny. Someone with potential. That’s you. You just have to unlock it in yourself.”

I look back outside the window as we inch forward. Unlock it myself. I used to be able to do that. I used to be confident and look where it got me. No, I tell myself firmly, brushing thoughts of the past away. I am not going to fall down that hole. Not here.

<<<>>>

It feels like it takes ages to get to the apartment. The traffic is unreal. There is even traffic on the smaller roads. It isn’t until she makes a few more turns that the roads are clear of traffic and we are driving at a normal speed.

“Is it always like that?”

“The traffic?”

I nod. “Yeah, it’s pretty brutal.”

“Usually always bad, especially on weekdays. If you’re going anywhere, make sure you factor in the traffic and learn to be patient.”

I open my mouth to reply when we turn down another side street and pull into an apartment complex. It is a far cry from the luxurious high rise apartments that I saw back in the heart of the city. This apartment complex is four floors and looks as if the last time someone cleaned the roof was some time in the last century. One of the apartments on the bottom floor has a window that has been patched together with duct tape. The whole complex looks depressed, as if everyone who lives here has given up on their dreams.

“I know what it looks like.”

I glance at Kathy and realize I must look horrified. I quickly shake my head.

“No, no, it looks fine,” I lie. “Really.”

I can tell Kathy doesn’t believe me. The place looks like a dump. But I don’t want to complain about the place we both are living in. I don’t want to sound spoiled. So we get out of the car and grab my things. As we get closer to the complex, I can see that it looks even worse up close. The sidewalks are cracked and badly in need of some repairs. The paint on the doors is faded and chipped. It looks as if the entire complex let out one long sigh and then just gave up.

We tug my luggage up to the third floor. I am panting by the time we walk down the hallway. The staircase is rusted and creaks, which makes me paranoid enough to lean against the bannister as I wait for Kathy to unlock the front door. The last thing I need is to fall and break my neck. The apartment is facing the sad little parking lot and a taco shop across the street. No, it is not the height of glamor but at least tacos are close by.

Kathy gets the door open, and I yank my luggage in after her, closing the door with my foot. Then I look up to see where I am now living.

The living room is small and a little cramped but Kathy has clearly done her best to make it look “homey”. The floor is tile but she has tossed down a deep red area rug to try to soften the room. A TV is against the wall. The couch has some throw pillows on it. Pictures of flowers hang on the wall. I am happy they aren’t of her and her friends. I don’t want to feel the urge to try to tack up old photos of my past so I don’t look so pathetic.

Off to the left, I can see an even smaller dining area, with a table and two chairs. I can’t see the kitchen, but my guess is it will be incredibly small as well.

“It’s nice,” I lie and plaster a smile on my face. “Where is my room?”

“Just off by the kitchen. That’s one of the reasons I liked this floor plan so much. We each have our own space.”

I trail after her. As I figured, the kitchen can barely fit the two of us. There is a hallway in between the dining room and kitchen. The bathroom is there and next to the bathroom is my room.

I step inside. Any silly bummed out feelings I have been having over the fact I don’t have my own personal bathroom is wiped away by another concern.

“Wow,” I breathe. “It’s ... quaint.”

Microscopic is the actual word that jumped into my head but I brush it aside. My bed, which I have shipped ahead of time, takes up almost the entire room. It is a good thing I barely brought anything from my old apartment. It won’t fit. I open the closet and examine how little space I have there as well. My mood darkens. This place is a fucking dollhouse. I should have asked for the master bedroom.

“I know it’s small. But for our budget, it’s the best we could get. And to be honest, it really isn’t that bad. Yeah, it’s a little out of the way and cramped, but we won’t really be here much. We’re going to be hitting the pavement and making our dreams come true!”

I bite my bottom lip, looking outside the window. I have a fantastic view of the parking lot and the taco shop. If I squint, I can see the high rises on the horizon. I could always stare at them and pretend that I was rich.

I know Kathy is waiting for me to tell her how I feel. But complaining about what she has managed to pull together, and even putting me in contact with her old agent on top of it, makes me feel like a bitch. She is right. Hollywood is expensive.

“It will take some getting used to. But you’re right! This is Hollywood! I hope we won’t be spending all day inside.”

Kathy smiles, looking relieved. She turns to go get the rest of the suitcases, and I find myself staring back out the window. The self-doubt I felt on the airplane is back in full force. I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. At least now I have motivation not to lie around the apartment all day.

Chapter Four

Sleep doesn’t come easily. Even though I am exhausted and in bed at eight o’clock because of the time difference, I end up just lying there. Tomorrow, I have plans to call Jon and see if he would be interested in representing me. A lot hinges on this meeting. If he declines, I have to triple my efforts to find a job. Kathy might be able to pay the bills with her acting alone, but I still need another job on top of looking for auditions.

The fear that I haven’t thought this all the way through is still gnawing at me. Should I have looked for a job first? What if I don’t find any work? In the end, I tell myself to stop overthinking it and focus on my breathing until I calm down and fall asleep.

When I open my eyes in the morning, the first sight is a different ceiling that isn’t one I’m used to seeing. The cheap blinds that came with the room offer almost no protection from the sun. I make a mental note to buy better ones when I can. After yanking out clean clothes from my suitcase and stumbling into the bathroom, I manage to get into the shower.

There is a note on the counter when I get out of the shower from Kathy, saying she is running out to get some items for the apartment and she’ll be back soon. I relax slightly. For some reason it makes me nervous to call Jon when she is around. It sounds silly, but I want to make this call alone.

“Hello, this is Jon,” he says, answering on the first ring.

I clutch my phone tightly. I had thought the number was for his office, not his personal cell phone. For some reason, I feel thrown off. I had planned to put on my formal voice when I spoke to the receptionist but now find myself stumbling.

“Uh ... hi? Hi! This is Jenny,” I stumble through, cringing. “Kathy’s friend,” I add lamely.

“Oh! Hey, there.” Jon’s voice is smooth, as if he deals with idiots like me on a daily basis. “Kathy said you would be calling me soon.”

“Yeah, I got in yesterday. Hope it isn’t too late to discuss anything.”

He is in his car, I can hear his AC blasting in the background. “No, not at all. Kathy was a great client. It was a shame to lose her, but family things just came up. I had to transfer a lot of clients.”

“That sucks.” I hate how boring I sound.

“Anyway, I have an opening today at around three. Last minute cancel. Do you think you could make it?”

I was hoping for tomorrow, honestly, if only to try to prepare myself mentally a bit more. But there is no way to say no to this. If I want to learn how to be a fully functioning human being again, throwing myself into things is going to be the best bet.

“Sounds great.”

“See you then, Jenny.”

We hang up, and I stare at the phone. See you then, Jenny. I like the way my name rolls off his tongue. He could do voice overs. I shake my head and shoot Kathy a text. Now it is time to get ready.

<<<>>>

We hit traffic again. When Kathy had wanted to leave almost an hour early to get somewhere twenty minutes away, according to my phone’s GPS, I had thought she was pulling my leg. But no, she is right, as usual. I should learn to stop doubting her when it comes to the traffic in Hollywood.

Kathy peppers me with advice and it makes my head feel crowded. I know she means well, but it is just making my nerves worse. I am grateful for her help with the outfit though. While I don’t look as well dressed as most people in the city, at least I don’t look like I did when I got off the plane yesterday.

“Jon is very direct,” Kathy is saying to me and I try to focus on her as we hit another red light. “Some people can find it off putting, but I found it helpful.”

“Why didn’t you just go back to him when his family emergency was done?”

Something flickers across Kathy’s face – it is so quick that I figure I must have imagined it because in the next second, she is smiling. “I had signed on with this new agent and it was just too much of a hassle to move back.”

I nod, looking outside the window again. I miss my own car. I wish I hadn’t had to sell it. When you have enough money, I promise myself, although I don’t know when that will actually be. I run my fingers over my skirt, trying to recite Kathy’s advice to me. As if sensing my nerves, she falls silent, too.

We pull up into an office building that looks about a hundred years old. It is only four floors. For some reason, I was imagining a skyscraper, housing celebrities and models with maybe even some paparazzi surrounding it.

“You were expecting something else, right?” Kathy says, a smile on her face.

“Honestly, yeah. Something a bit more glamorous.” Where was the glamor in this city anyway?

“Most agents have plain boring offices like this.”

I get out of the car. I wonder what else in Hollywood isn’t going to be how I expected it. I guess a lot. I take a deep breath and follow Kathy into the main floor. We don’t stop at the desk and instead go straight toward the elevator.

“Third floor,” she says to me as I step inside.

“You’re not coming with me?” I blurt nervously.

“Nah, I’ll wait for you though. There’s a coffee shop next door. Good luck!”

I was going to protest and tell her I need the support but before I get the chance, she reaches into the elevator and presses the button. The doors glide shut and the elevator is lifting upward. Is it stupid to wish Kathy had come with me? I guess so. But I still would feel better. Even with all her advice, it would be good to have her with me. I have to do this alone, I tell myself as the elevator doors open to the third floor.

I walk into a modern waiting area. There is a fish tank off to one side and lots of windows. A woman sits at a desk, the sound of her long nails clicking as she types. I walk over to her and clear my throat. She stops typing and smiles. Her teeth are so white, they’re practically blinding, especially in contrast to her California-bronzed complexion. Her nails are a neon pink. She looks as though she could be an actress herself.

“Let me guess,” she trills. “You must be Jenny.”

“Yes,” I clear my throat again, “I am.”

“Have a seat. I’ll let Jon know you are here. It shouldn’t be long.”

I nod and sit down on one of the chairs. I pull out my cellphone and start to fiddle with it. I can’t believe how nervous I feel. I really want this guy to agree to represent me. I want to turn over a new leaf and start a career that no one would expect from me. This is my best shot. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. My nerves lessen a little. I can’t blow this. I have to be on my A game.

“Jenny?” I look up at the sound of my name. “Jon will see you now.”

I stand up and follow the assistant down a small hallway. She stops at the door at the very end, smiles at me, and opens it. I step inside slowly. The office is as modern as the waiting room. The view is of the parking lot. A man turns around in his desk chair and smiles at me.

“Jenny, welcome,” he says as he stands up and walks over to me.

My throat goes dry. I am knocked over by how handsome Jon is. I have heard that people in Hollywood are more attractive than everyone else. I had brushed that off as due to Botox and any other crazy anti-aging stuff famous people went through. But Jon is gorgeous. His black hair is slightly messy and falls into his eyes a little. His suit is well tailored and clings in all the right spots to make it obvious there are tight muscles underneath. Oh no, he’s hot!

He holds out his hand to shake. His smile is bright and his teeth whiter than I ever thought possible.

I shake his hand. An electric shock goes through me. I hope I don’t look like a deer caught in headlights. All the thoughts have emptied out of my head. His brown eyes remind me of warm coffee as I take a seat across from his desk. I find myself automatically checking for a wedding ring. No ring. Stop it, you want this guy to represent you. You aren’t supposed to find him hot. It figures that the first man I find attractive in ages turns out to be my potential agent.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” I manage to say.

“Same. Kathy has told me a lot about you. Do you want coffee or water to drink?”

I ask for water, and he goes over to a small mini-fridge in the corner of his office.

“Kathy said you’re great. Said you helped her a lot before you had to drop some clients due to a family emergency.” I cut myself off, hoping I haven’t said too much.

Jon has gone still over by the fridge, as if I have caught him off guard. “Right. Luckily the family emergency is all squared away now.”

“Great!” I chirp, my nerves getting the better of me.

Jon hands me a bottle of water and sits back down, opening his own. “Kathy say anything else?”

I take a sip of the water and shake my head. “Just that you are great at what you do.”

Jon smiles and my knees go weak. I’m glad I’m sitting down.

“Well, she mentioned you didn’t have any experience in acting, is that correct?”

I think about mentioning a fourth-grade play where I had been Merlin but decide against it. “That’s right. Is that okay?”

“It will take a little longer to get you rolling but not a big deal. Most people who come by have a head shot and maybe a portfolio.”

“Head shot?” I repeat stupidly.

“Just a picture of you that casting directors can use to see if you’d fit the part.”

“I’m going to guess a selfie from last time I went to the beach wouldn’t count.”

Jon laughs. It sounds like music and I find myself smiling in return, feeling more relaxed.

“No, but we can get you set up with a photographer. You don’t have a portfolio yet either, so we’ll have to start off small. Get some audition demos out there. Do you have any acting training at all?”

“No. But I can thrill casting directors with tales of how I used to be in the restaurant business. I can even tell them how to make a great salad.”

Jon smiles again. Maybe I am imagining it, but it feels as if his eyes rest on me for a few extra seconds before he looks at his computer.

“I think you’ll do great on some test shots and an audition tape. I’ll have to schedule you to come back so we can get everything all set up.”

My heart skips a beat. “Does this mean that...?”

“I’ll represent you. I’ll have my assistant draw up a contract for you to review. Just sign it and bring it back next time we meet up.”

I feel as if my heart is constricting. “Are you sure you want to sign me? I have nothing to offer.” I am about to blow this. I bite my tongue to shut myself up.

“Okay, first lesson – try not to say that to anyone else.” Jon laughs. “I know raw talent when I see it, Jenny.”

Again, I like the way my name sounds from his mouth. I stand up as he does.

“I’m about to head out for the day,” he says. “Why don’t I walk you downstairs?”

I agree and we leave his office together after his assistant gives me a contract to sign. I grip it tightly in my hands, afraid that if I let it go it will fly away. In the elevator, I can smell Jon’s cologne. It is subtle but makes my head swim. I try not to check him out.

“You and Kathy are roommates, right?” he says as the doors slide shut.

I nod. “That’s right. Sort of whirlwind how it all happened but I wanted to get out of where I was living.”

Jon looks at me, and I can feel goose bumps spring up along my skin, “You came to the perfect city to reinvent yourself then.”

The elevator doors open, and we step out together into the lobby.

“Have you lived here long?” I ask Jon, wanting to keep the conversation going.

“Yes, a while now,” he replies. “But I couldn’t imagine going back to where I was before.”

I was going to respond when I see Kathy heading over to me. I give her a wave, but she falters when she sees Jon.

“Hey,” Kathy says as she walks up to us. “I finished grabbing what I needed at the store across the street so I was going to wait for you.”

“I’m all done. Jon is going to represent me,” I reply, beaming.

Kathy smiles, but it looks forced. Jon suddenly looks at his watch and then back at me.

“I have to head out. Have somewhere to be. See you later. Nice seeing you, Kathy.”

Jon leaves us and heads toward his car. I watch him go, frowning. That seems sudden. I don’t quite understand what has happened. I turn to look at Kathy, who is watching him leave. I close my mouth, deciding not to tell her about my meeting. She has a funny look on her face.

As if sensing me watching her, she turns to look back at me and forces a smile. “Want to grab a coffee? Tell me all about it?”

Maybe I just imagined it.

Chapter Five

That night, I can’t sleep again. This time it isn’t the fact I live in a dollhouse that is bothering me. Jon has called me to ask if I can come in tomorrow to get a head shot taken. He has been able to call in a favor so I can even get it done for free. Is he this nice to all his clients?

I want to ask Kathy, but after seeing how weird the two of them had been with each other, I decide against it. Maybe I am imagining it, but it feels as if there is some awkward tension between the two of them. Kathy had dropped me off and told me she was meeting some friends for dinner, so I didn’t get to ask. Would I ask if I was able to?

Jon’s voice on the phone gave me goose bumps again. It is naïve to think that he is being nice to me because we have some sort of connection. There is no connection – I just want to jump his bones. I sigh and roll over, covering my face with my pillow. In the distance, I can hear sirens. A few apartments down, I can sometimes hear people yelling. Not a dream home by any means.

Somewhere in this city is a nightlife that entire movies are based off of. Movie stars with no concerns are getting VIP bottle service and talking about their next blockbuster movie. There is no way that can be me, right?

Do agents say they see potential in all their clients or only when they truly mean it? It doesn’t help that Jon is so attractive. There is absolutely no way I can violate our professional relationship in hopes for a date. I probably just need to get laid.

I finally fall asleep. I dream of my daughter. I wake up in the morning in a cold sweat.

<<<>>>

“I want you to look as if you are gazing out in the horizon at your destiny.”

“What?” I reply as the photographer snaps photos. “Is my destiny some tangible thing I can hold?”

We are thirty minutes into trying to get a decent head shot of me, and I am feeling over it. The photographer’s directions for each picture are growing increasingly vague, and I feel out of my element. I had thought the entire thing was going to be quick, like having a high school photo taken.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. Jon has gotten a woman to do my makeup and hair. I feel unlike myself, as if I can be anyone I want to be. However, the photographer’s ridiculous instructions are making me hyperaware of everything.

“Let’s take five,” he finally says, lowering his camera. “Your aura is all wrong.”

“What the fuck is an aura?” I mumble to myself through clenched teeth.

Jon walks over. He is dressed casually compared to yesterday and has a bemused expression on his face. My heart does a flip.

“Jon, where did you find this guy?” I whisper.

“I called in a favor. He normally doesn’t do head shots.”

“You think?”

Jon laughs. “He’s trying to make it big. He’ll take what he can. We’re going to get head shots plus some other photos I can use, too. It’s a win-win, even if it doesn’t feel like it.”

“It does not feel like it.”

“Come on, let’s grab a coffee.”

I follow him over to the small table that has been set up with some food. The guy who is doing the lighting is cramming a donut in his mouth as he talks on his phone. The makeup artist is gossiping to the photographer about seeing a celebrity at some club named Underwater Nosh last night. What a name.

I borrowed Kathy’s car to get here. It took about an hour to get twenty minutes to the tiny studio. I had asked her if she wanted me to take a cab but she refused. I am pretty sure she is hung over from wherever she went to last night.

Lost in thought, I don’t even hear people greet the man who has just come in. I pour myself my coffee, trying to shake off my tired state. I really need to sleep better. If I get regular acting jobs, I might have to get up at 4 a.m.

“Rich, I didn’t expect to see you here,” Jon says, although his tone sounds stiff.

“I heard someone was using my studio today for some new talent and I wanted to scope it out for myself.”