Summary of Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud & John Townsend - Summareads Media - E-Book

Summary of Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud & John Townsend E-Book

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This updated bestseller (the original book) is a worthwhile primer on how to take control of our own lives. For anyone who has trouble saying “no” or refusing unreasonable requests, even stating our own wants and desires, this is the book for you.

The authors clearly spell out the reasons why we have trouble setting boundaries, and why we are so reluctant to change the status quo. Whether we are afraid of being abandoned or just want to be loved, respected and admired, we all need to put limits in place.

Mature relationships flourish in an atmosphere of transparency and honesty, not manipulation and extortion. God’s plan for us involves setting limits and creating conditions that allow us to grow and mature, and this book helps us get there.

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Summary of Boundaries

When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Summareads Media

Contents

1. Introduction: Notes from the Summareads Team

I. What Are Boundaries?

II. Boundary Conflicts

III. Developing Healthy Boundaries

Super Summary

IV. What Are Boundaries?

1. A Day in a Boundaryless Life

2. Chapter 2. What Does a Boundary Look Like?

3. Chapter 3. Boundary Problems

4. Chapter 4. How Boundaries Are Developed

5. Chapter 5. Ten Laws of Boundaries

6. Chapter 6. Common Boundary Myths

V. Boundary Conflicts

7. Boundaries and Your Family

8. Chapter 8. Boundaries and Your Friends

9. Chapter 9. Boundaries and Your Spouse

10. Chapter 10. Boundaries and Your Children

11. Chapter 11. Boundaries and Work

12. Chapter 12. Boundaries and the Digital Age

13. Chapter 13. Boundaries and Yourself

14. Chapter 14. Boundaries and God

VI. Developing Healthy Boundaries

15. Resistance to Boundaries

16. How to Measure Success with Boundaries

17. A Day in a Life with Boundaries

Afterword

18. Rich Refresh

Copyright 2020 by SummaReads Media - All Rights Reserved

The summary and analysis in this book are meant to be an introduction or companion to your reading experience by providing the key principles and points of an excellent work of non-fiction. This book is not intended as a substitute for the work that it summarizes, and it is not authorized, approved, licensed, or endorsed by the original book’s author or publisher.

This book is geared towards providing accurate and reliable information with regard to the topic covered. The publication is sold with the idea that the publisher is not required to render accounting, officially permitted, or otherwise, qualified services. If advice is necessary, legal or professional, a practiced individual in the profession should be ordered. From a Declaration of Principles that was accepted and approved equally by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations.

In no way is it legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of this document in either electronic means or in printed format. Recording of this publication is strictly prohibited and any storage of this document is not allowed unless with written permission from the publisher. All rights reserved.

The information provided herein is stated to be truthful and consistent, in that any liability, in terms of inattention or otherwise, by any usage or abuse of any policies, processes, or directions contained within is the solitary and utter responsibility of the recipient reader. Under no circumstances will any legal responsibility or blame be held against the publisher for any reparation, damages, or monetary loss due to the information herein, either directly or indirectly.

Respective authors own all copyrights not held by the publisher.

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Created with Vellum

Chapter 1

Introduction: Notes from the Summareads Team

This updated bestseller is a worthwhile primer on how to take control of our own lives. For anyone who has trouble saying “no” or refusing unreasonable requests, even stating our own wants and desires, this is the book for you. The authors clearly spell out the reasons why we have trouble setting boundaries, and why we are so reluctant to change the status quo. Whether we are afraid of being abandoned or just want to be loved, respected and admired, we all need to put limits in place. Mature relationships flourish in an atmosphere of transparency and honesty, not manipulation and extortion. God’s plan for us involves setting limits and creating conditions that allow us to grow and mature, and this book helps us get there.

Part 1

What Are Boundaries?

CHAPTER 1. A Day in a Boundaryless Life

Life without boundaries results in frustration, anger, and depression. Trying to meet the needs of everyone else means that your own needs are never met, and leads others to take advantage of you. In our society, we all have a myriad of responsibilities and demands on our time, energy and emotions.

Christians may believe that it is their duty to provide all possible support to those who ask for and need their help, without thinking of their own needs. Christian wives may believe that they are obliged to submit to the demands of their husbands no matter if they feel unheard. The authors state instead that boundaries are necessary for everyone to be healthy and live fully in the successful relationships that God intends for us to have.

CHAPTER 2. What Does a Boundary Look Like?

Boundaries require others to take responsibility for themselves, while we maintain ownership of ourselves. We are not responsible for other people, but we are responsible to them. The Bible differentiates between the daily load, which each person should carry on his or her own, and great burdens, with which we should help each other. We should be able to distinguish between the two. Boundaries can be made of the following:

SkinWordsTruthDistanceTimeEmotional DistanceHelp from othersConsequences

Boundaries have many potential inclusions and can contain our feelings, thoughts, attitudes, actions, values and limits.

CHAPTER 3. Boundary Problems

There are several types of boundary issues. “Compliants” can’t say no to others. They will take on any request, no matter how unreasonable. They do so out of fear of rejection, or out of guilt, or because they have been raised to be compliant. “Avoidants” can’t share their own burdens or ask for help. They feel ashamed if they can’t manage everything on their plate, and believe it is weak to ask for help. “Controllers” bulldoze or manipulate others into doing their bidding. They can’t seem to hear the word “no” and may be verbally or even physically abusive if they are an aggressive controller. If they are a manipulative controller they are likely narcissistic. “Nonresponsives” seem incapable of providing emotional support to their partners and friends. They come from the “walk it off” school and have no patience for those who need help. There are various combinations of these subtypes.

CHAPTER 4. How Boundaries Are Developed

Boundary establishment has its roots in our development as infants and toddlers. The three stages of early childhood development are “hatching,” “practicing” and “rapprochement.” The development of boundaries in young children can go awry in the following conditions:

Parental withdrawal of affectionParental hostilityParental overcontrolParental lack of limitsParental use of inconsistent limitsTraumatic experience

Adolescence and early adulthood are also key periods for the further foundation of boundaries, as young people face new social situations and the absence or lessening of parental control.

CHAPTER 5. Ten Laws of Boundaries