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Summary of Sociopath a memoir by Ph.D. Patric Gagne
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Summary of
Sociopath
A
Summary of Ph.D. Patric Gagne’s Memoir
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Summary of Sociopath a memoir by Ph.D.Patric Gagne
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INTRODUCTION
Patric Gagne, a sociopath, is a passionate mother, wife, therapist, and well-liked individual who is known for her narcissistic behavior, emotional shallowness, and lack of interest in morals. She has been researching sociopaths since childhood, and her search began when she was fascinated by the darkness in people. She discovered the term "sociopath" in a dictionary, but it wasn't there in her mother's dictionary. Gagne's path to becoming a doctor of psychology is a testament to the cunning genius of the subconscious mind and the connection between our emotions and our actions.
Gagne's red ags were present from a young age, and she knew that something was wrong. She didn't care about things the way other kids did, and social emotions like guilt, empathy, remorse, and love didn't come naturally. She felt a compulsion to do "bad" things to make the nothingness go away, which eventually became a pressure to make others feel the emotions she couldn't. This compulsion was like mercury slowly rising in her head, and Gagne knew that doing something wrong would make others feel the emotions she couldn't.
As a child, the author was unaware of the importance of emotion and psychology, and the relationship between anxiety and apathy. They now understand that stress associated with inner conflict subconsciously compels sociopaths to behave destructively. The author's journey to understand the word "sociopath" has led them to write a book about their lived experience of sociopathy. The book aims to provide help to individuals affected by sociopathy and to help others see themselves as more than just darkness.
The author acknowledges that sociopaths are more complex than the characters in movies or crime novels, and diagnosis requires more than simple tests. They are children seeking understanding, patients seeking validation, parents seeking answers, and human beings in need of compassion. However, the system is failing them, with schools not recognizing them, professionals not treating them, and they have nowhere to go for help.
Representation matters, and the author's story illustrates the truth that darkness is where you least expect it. They are a criminal without a record, a master of disguise, friendly, responsible, and invisible. They blend right in as a twenty-first-century sociopath, and their book serves as a reminder that they are not alone in their struggles.
PART I
Honest Girl
The author's early childhood is vague, with some memories vividly vivid, such as the smell of Redwood National Park and their house near downtown San Francisco. Other memories are less clear, such as the first time they snuck into their neighbor's house or where they got the locket with the "L" inscribed on it. The author believes that they started stealing before they could talk, and by the time they were six or seven, they had an entire box full of things they had stolen in their closet.
The author didn't suffer from a kleptomaniac urge, but rather a different type of compulsion brought about by the discomfort of apathy. They didn't feel guilt when lying or compassion when classmates got hurt on the playground. Instead, they did things to replace the "nothingness" with something. This pressure began with an impulse to make the tension stop, which led them to steal.
In first grade, the author felt overwhelmed with frustration and had the urge to do something violent. They tried to take Clancy's barrette, but the idea seemed strange, so they unclipped the bow. The pressure evaporated, and the author didn't care. These early acts of deviance are encoded in their mind like GPS coordinates plotting a course toward awareness.
The author can recall where they came across most of the things they didn't belong to as a child, but the locket with the "L" is unclear. Their mother found the locket in their room and demanded to know where they got it. The author explained to her that stealing was bad and that returning the stolen items would give them a fresh space to store things they had yet to steal.
The narrator's mother asked why they took the items and apologized, but the narrator was not sure what prompted the sensation. She wanted to put the matter behind them and promised that if they ever did something like this again, they would tell her. Empathy and remorse were not natural to the narrator, who was raised in a Baptist church and didn't understand why honor systems and shame mattered.
The narrator's inability to grasp core emotional skills made making and keeping friends challenging. They were different and others didn't appreciate their unique attributes. One night, the narrator was invited to a friend's slumber party with Collette, and they enjoyed the party. However, Collette's mom announced "quiet time" and the narrator was the only one awake.
At the party, the narrator felt the urge to hit the girl next to her, but she knew it would make her relax. She climbed out of her sleeping bag and entered the balcony doors, where she saw most of the city. She felt uneasy and didn't want to be there anymore.
When she walked home, she felt invisible and the pressure evaporated. She walked across the street and noticed a house with its garage door open. She wondered what was inside and decided to go find out. The atmosphere changed as she stepped on the curb, and the rules seemed to disappear along with the daylight. In the darkness, there were no restrictions, and the narrator felt powerful and in control.
In summary, the narrator's experiences with emotions and the desire to be invisible led to a change in their perspective on life.
Moonlight illuminated the path as the protagonist walked towards the open garage, where he found a beige station wagon with toys and knickknacks. He imagined himself getting stronger with each passing second. Outside, he saw a dark sedan driving by, and he thought it was an enemy. He tiptoed outside just in time to see General Zod.
As he walked home, he felt exhausted and walked quietly to his house. His mother called him "Patric" and told him to never do something like that again. She promised him not to come home anytime he wanted, but he didn't have the opportunity to prove it for several years. Parents typically frowned on playmates who came over for slumber parties only to get listless in the middle of the night and decide to walk home on their own.
Ava, a classmate of the protagonist, called him "butler." She had the best job in the world, as they could disappear for extended lengths of time without explanation and had unrestricted access to everyone's coats and bags. However, her explanation didn't resonate with everyone. Ava asked why he was so weird, and she noticed a peculiar expression on her face. The other kids were staring at him, making him wary.
To change the subject, the protagonist smiled and bowed, saying that if he was acting weird, it was only because someone had murdered the cook. Everyone laughed and screamed, and his "weirdness" faded into the background.
The protagonist's mother, Syd, is concerned about her child's spending time alone and causing discomfort among other children. She suggests inviting friends over for dinner, but the protagonist refuses, fearing that their actions would be seen as self-preservation. The protagonist's sister, Harlowe, is four years younger than them and shares the top floor with their nanny, Lee. Syd plans to sneak into Lee's room and dump water in her bed, which the protagonist is hesitant to do, fearing she will tell their parents.
The protagonist's fascination with Debbie Harry, a Blondie artist, is evident in her mother's photo albums. After a disastrous incident with a school photographer, the protagonist decides not to look like her and throws away all of her Blondie albums. Instead, she suggests sneaking into the backyard and spying on their parents through the windows. Syd agrees, and they sneak out of their bedroom and crawl past Nanny Lee's room. They eventually make it downstairs to the laundry room, where they meet on the back deck.
Tina, initially nervous, asks for a Coke and disappears along the side of the house with Syd reluctantly following. The protagonist's mother, who had previously thrown away her Blondie albums, is irritated by the idea of eavesdropping on their parents. The protagonist's mother, however, is more concerned about the safety of the children and the potential danger of the situation.
The protagonist, Patrick, locks herself in her house and listens to her Blondie records in her room. Her mother, a woman, confronts her about locking Syd and Tina outside, revealing that the Goodmans are upset and won't return. Patrick is grounded for a week, and her mother brings her back to her room. She reveals that she has the records, which she had thrown away, and listens to them every night. Her mother collects the albums and kisses her, and she leaves. The protagonist feels safe and content, listening to the soothing sound of the record player. She questions the wisdom of giving up her secret and losing her Blondie records, but finds herself smiling as she drifts off to sleep.
Layers
The author's father, who loved chocolate layer cakes, was fascinated by the tradition of their grandparents' housekeeper, Lela Mae, making them every week. Their mother, a Southern-born Virginia native, adopted the tradition and taught the author how to make the cakes. The author would spend time with her, reading books and discussing school issues. The author's mother would let him know if his actions were out of line and explain how to make things right.
One day, the author asked their mother about the sugar they had taken from the neighbors' house, but she told him it was not allowed. The author was confused and lied about the sugar, believing it was a formality. The mother was upset and told the author to ask for permission before going inside. The author was confused and couldn't explain the situation to their mother, who was known for honesty.
As a child, the author lived in a constant state of doubt, with doubts about their feelings, actions, and desires. Telling the truth about these uncertainties made things worse, as they couldn't predict what information would cause a negative reaction. This was especially true when it came to their mother, who was their emotional compass. Angering her was never a risk, as she was their emotional compass and trusted her to guide them. However, when she was angry, the author felt like they were on their own, which was not a safe place to be.
The narrator's mother enforced rules that only allowed them to go to the Patels' house when they were home, and they were not allowed to take anything. This was a new rule, but the narrator didn't see any reason to apply it retroactively.
The narrator's father, a rising star in the music industry, rushed into the dining room and asked if anyone had seen his briefcase. He forgot to bring it, as dinner was almost ready and they were going to go ice-skating that night. The narrator's mother was upset about this and asked her father to make it up next week.
The narrator's interactions with her father were reduced to brief kisses before school and occasional outings on weekends. She loved having her mom and sister all to herself, and she didn't like being the center of attention. One-sided rule-breaking was typically at the forefront of any interaction between them.
Dad started spending more time at work, and after a while, the narrator became anxious and confused. She couldn't rely on her mother for guidance and was unable to talk to her about her behavior. She began taking backpacks from school, which she did not want and eventually returned. This was a compulsion to ease tension, but it stopped working after a while, making her urge to do bad things more extreme.
The narrator's last encounter with Syd was similar to the last time she ever saw her. They were standing on the sidewalk waiting to go to school when Syd started to get on her nerves.
The protagonist is emotionally disconnected and stressed due to a recent altercation with their friend Syd. Syd claims that she doesn't care about their house and wants to spend the night with them. The protagonist decides to send a more direct message by stabbing Syd with a pencil, resulting in a deep sense of euphoria. The pressure is gone, and the protagonist walks away in a state of euphoria.
