The Bitter winds of Love E-Book

Barbara Cartland

• Herausgeber: Barbara Cartland Ebooks Ltd
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Serie: The Eternal Collection
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 239

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

Life has not been kind to Lydia Bryant – and love has been downright cruel. Orphaned at 16 and brought up by her uncle, a Shropshire Rector, she marries Donald, a handsome soldier many years her senior at 21. But tragedy strikes once more as his terrifyingly violent mood-swings are revealed, condemning her to a lifetime of torture and torment. So when Donald dies, some 6 years later, her first thought is that she is free at last! Free of her hateful husband, but facing a life without love. Throwing off the shackles of stiflingly shallow English Society, Lydia embarks on a thrilling adventure – and, from genteel Malvern via the heat and hustle of Cairo, she finds herself in the parched and primitive Sudan – surely the last place on Earth anyone would hope to find love?

Leseprobe

CHAPTER ONE ~ 1938

Lydia Bryant replaced the telephone receiver and stood still.

It was late in the afternoon and it was growing dark in the narrow well-like hall.

The only light came from the roof and the darkening sky shed a sombre and unearthly dreariness through the rain-stained glass.

To Lydia it seemed as if she was entombed in this silent and gloomy house, which she had always hated.

Then slowly to her mind came the thought that she was free.

She could not realise it and could not accept it without question the news that she had heard but a moment ago in the crisp Military tones of her brother-in-law’s voice.

“Donald died this morning,” he told her. “I am arranging for the funeral to take place on Friday. I will let you know further particulars later.”

Donald was dead!

If she was honest with herself, she had been waiting for this, yet now that the moment was upon her, she could remember her husband only as she had first seen him, nearly seven years ago, tall and distinguished and looking down at her from his great height.

“How handsome he is,” she had thought as they had been introduced and in those first seconds of their acquaintance when he had held her hand a little longer than was necessary.

It had been a swift courtship. Barely two months later Lydia had walked down the aisle of the little Greystone country Church as the wife of Donald Bryant. Thinking of him now, those first weeks of married life passed before her in a succession of happy memories.

Donald swimming beside her in the blue water of the Mediterranean, sun-bathing on the hot rocks, laughing at her efforts at aquaplaning and holding her close in his arms, an ardent, possessive, always masterful lover.

She had loved him, yet in her affection there had always been a touch of fear, not only because of the disparity in their ages, as her friends had pointed out seventeen years was a big difference, but, because there was something else that had made her shrink from her husband even in their most intimate and passionate moments.

Any young girl might easily have found Donald too ardent and almost unbalanced in his lovemaking.

When the first rapturous days of their honeymoon were over, Lydia knew that, while she reciprocated his adoration, her husband was still in many ways a stranger whom she feared rather than understood.

There was always something odd about him, she remembered now, but his headaches had come on gradually.

Then, preluded by moods of querulousness, of depression and unreasonable demands on his wife, they grew worse until finally he had become unrecognisable, a man who was hardly human, a monster from which she shrank terrified and trembling.

Slowly, as though she was now awakening from a nightmare that gripped her still, Lydia moved across the hall and opened the door that led into the drawing room.

The curtains were not yet drawn to shut out the dismal damp landscape, but there was a fire burning brightly on the hearth and it threw a glow of warm light into the room.

Once again she could hear the doctor’s gentle voice as he told her the London specialist’s verdict after a prolonged examination.

“Your husband was only very slightly wounded in the War, Mrs. Bryant,” he said. “At the time it seemed so unimportant an injury that it was treated only at the Base Hospital and he was not even invalided home. But that glancing piece of shrapnel dislodged a small bone and this is causing all the trouble today.”

Seeing the hope die from Lydia’s white face, he added,

“I am sorry, but there is nothing more we can do.”

Even he did not realise that he was condemning a girl of twenty-one to a life of torture and torment. It was not only when Donald was in one of his moods that Lydia experienced agony.

There was the misery of anticipation, the wondering each time they were separated how he would be when they met again.

Sometimes for three or four weeks he would be himself, normal, charming, considerate and then would come the first signs that she grew to dread, the twitching of the fingers, the restlessness, arguments with the servants and a suspicious attitude towards their neighbours and anyone who he came into contact with.

Every moment of her day would be spent in tense terror, often she would creep away to her room praying fiercely to herself.

‘Let this pass, oh, God, let it pass, just this once don’t let him get worse.”

Yet always the storm would come, the raised voice and the violence and then finally the aftermath of tears and repentance. As the years passed by, Lydia grew to hate most of all the scenes of repentance.

There was something degrading about Donald grovelling in his misery. She grew even to prefer her bruises to the times when he tried to kiss them well again.

She felt herself growing colder, increasingly apart from her husband until finally, try as she would to evade the truth, she knew that she hated him.

She wondered how long she could have continued to live with him, how long before her pride broke down and she appealed for help. But that humiliation was spared her.

Donald, in one of his wilder rages when he became quite irresponsible for his actions, grievously injured one of the farm hands. He was taken away to a Private Nursing Home.

At first Lydia used to visit him there, his family expected this of her and once a month she would set out, driving herself in the small car to where, high on a hill overlooking the valley where he had lived, Donald was virtually imprisoned.

Always as she drew nearer to the big, ugly red-brick mansion Lydia then found herself driving slower and slower. She dreaded the interviews, disliking the days when Donald was most normal, more than when he hardly recognised her and seemed in no way related to the man she had loved and married.

Then gradually her visits began to upset him.

“I am afraid he is always worse when you come,” the nurses told her.

Finally she was asked to stay away.

She had no one to whom she could confide her relief that she was not wanted. Donald’s immediate relatives were an elder brother and his wife.

They had never approved of the marriage and, while doing what they considered their duty towards their sister-in-law, were not inclined to be intimate or friendly with her.

Donald’s brother, Colonel Bryant, seldom sent Lydia her quarterly cheque without him stressing how necessary and important was strict economy.

When finally he took over the management both of the house and of the estate, she was thankful and content to try and pay her own necessities with the small income she had of her own, which had been left to her on the death of her parents.

An orphan since she was sixteen, Lydia had been brought up by her mother’s brother, the Rector of a small Church in Shropshire.

He had died shortly after her second year of marriage and with his passing she had found herself without relations except for a few distant cousins who were far too engrossed in their own lives to be interested in hers.

Only to Evelyn Marshall who had been her mother’s friend did Lydia write and receive in return letters that in their deep affection and common sense brought her a breath of another world.

Mrs. Marshall also sent her books and these became to Lydia the true companions and friends of her years of isolation.

It was an unreal life that she lived, eating, sleeping and reading and surrounded only by the figures of her imagination, moving alone in the fastness of the silent house that she had come to so eagerly and happily as a bride.

Who could have foreseen at that moment that Donald would have become as she had last seen him – a beast rather than a man, screaming and crying out against her, striving to injure her with mad savage hands?

A coal falling noisily into the grate startled her. She rose to her feet and, smoothing back her hair, turned on the light.

When she had done so, she looked for just a moment into the mirror that hung over the mantelpiece, staring at her own reflection, seeing two deep-blue eyes below dark hair drawn back from a broad forehead.

‘I am twenty-seven,’ Lydia thought to herself. ‘Twenty-seven! And now I have to begin life again.’

The opening of the door startled her. She turned abruptly as if ashamed of being caught looking at herself. It was the manservant entering with the tea.

For a moment Lydia watched him arranging the silver teapot and putting down the plates of sandwiches and cakes that she rarely touched and then she said,

“I have had a message from Colonel Bryant, Marsham.”

Quite suddenly and unexpectedly she could say no more. Her voice seemed arrested in her throat.

Marsham, however, appeared to understand.

He looked at her and asked,

“It”s the Master, isn’t it, madam?”

Lydia nodded.

“The last time he was over the Colonel told me he was bad. I was expecting it, madam.”

He drew a deep breath and Lydia knew that he was in the most correct and traditional fashion about to offer his condolences.

Suddenly she felt that she could not bear it.

With a cry she turned and ran from the room. She hurried up the staircase, feeling rather than seeing the way and, rushing blindly into her bedroom, she pushed the door to behind her and it slammed.

Flinging herself onto the bed, Lydia found tears coursing down her cheeks and she felt herself shaking all over with the fierce force of agonised weeping, but even while she cried, she felt control sweep from her and she knew that she wept in relief rather than bitterness.

“I am free,” she sobbed. “I am free,” – and was shamed by the sound of her own voice.

CHAPTER TWO

Lydia, travelling towards Worcester, stared out of the railway carriage.

For the present she did not know what the future held.

She only knew that, as she came nearer to the home of Evelyn Marshall, she felt hope and vitality stirring anew within her.

A dead weight seemed to have been lifted from her shoulders, the clouds of oppression were passing away and she felt young and, for the first time for many years, eager.

Evelyn’s response to the letter, which bore the news that Lydia was at last free had been a telegram, abrupt and to the point,

“Expect you as soon as possible. Wire day of arrival, love, Evelyn.”

It was characteristic, Lydia thought with a little smile as she read it.

Evelyn always made up her mind quickly, but with a thoroughness that brooked neither refusal nor argument.

Lydia, like most others of Evelyn Marshall’s acquaintance, was prepared unashamedly to lay the burden of her troubles on those capable shoulders and let her decide problems which at the moment to her seemed insurmountable.

When she married, Donald had told her frankly that it was imperative that they should have a child as soon as possible. All his money and property were entailed so that in the event of his not producing an heir everything reverted to his brother’s family.

After seven years of married life, Lydia found herself with exactly what she had owned the day of her marriage. Two hundred pounds a year that had been left to her by her father, but with fluctuations her income was often considerably less.

She realised that she must shortly come to some decision as to her future. What was she to do? She felt singularly unfitted for any sort of work, but work she must.

Fifty years ago her only hope would have been a post as an underpaid Governess but nowadays a much higher standard of schoolroom knowledge was required than any she could pretend to.

Her problem seemed such a hopeless one and Lydia was thankful that she could for the moment leave it in abeyance until she had seen Evelyn.

With any other friend whom one had not seen for many years, preliminary conversation might have been difficult. But not so with Mrs. Marshall.

Before they had left the narrow streets of Worcester behind and were speeding out into the countryside, Lydia had already begun to tell her story to attentive and sympathetic ears.

They drove until they approached the high range of hills that towers above the scattered town of Malvern, then turned towards the flat valley where the wide Severn meets the narrow slow-moving Avon. There in a small hamlet of black and white cottages was Evelyn’s home and it was called ‘Four Arrows’.

Evelyn drove up to the oak porch and, as the car came to a stop, the door was opened by a smiling maid waiting to usher them in and take Lydia’s luggage.

Evelyn switched off the engine and turned towards her guest,

“Welcome back to ‘Four Arrows’, darling,” she said affectionately.

*

Lydia woke suddenly to find that the early autumn sunshine was struggling to force its way through the chintz curtains that veiled the casement windows of her room.

For some moments she lay still letting the events of yesterday steal into her mind.

She felt happy and at peace with all the world.

Then, with a sudden burst of energy, she sprang out of bed and, walking barefooted over the blue-carpeted floor, pulled back the curtains.

Over the river the pale morning mists were disappearing and far away in the distance the hills were silhouetted against a cloudless sky.

Lydia stood for a very long time at the window until, with a deep sigh of contentment, she went away to seek her bath and breakfast. She felt that today held a promise for her of many things.

“Have you slept well?” Evelyn asked her when she came downstairs.

Then added, as she saw a smile on the girl’s face,

“You need not answer that question, you look different this morning.”

“I feel it,” Lydia confessed. “Oh, Evelyn, darling, I am so glad to be here with you.”

“And I am glad to have you,” Evelyn replied.

When they had finished breakfast, they set off almost at once in Evelyn’s car to deliver some parcels to a Hospital. Their errand complete, Evelyn turned the car not homewards but towards the hills.

“Are you taking me anywhere special?” Lydia asked, “Or is this just a joy ride?”

“Somewhere special,” Evelyn replied.

But she did not add anything more and Lydia was content not to press her for a further explanation, feeling that she would speak in her own good time.

They drove ahead carefully through narrow lanes and past small villages of charming old black-and-white houses until an ancient signpost told them that they were travelling in the direction of Little Goodleigh.

There was a small Greystone Church beside a village green and there was a blacksmith’s shop and a Public House that had evidently known the old days of coaches.

There were cottages with small well-kept gardens and beyond them iron gates, which led into a short avenue of beech trees. One of the gates was open and Evelyn drove her car up the drive until they came to the house.

With the morning sun glittering on the diamond panes of its many windows, it was one of the loveliest houses that Lydia had ever seen in her life.

It was of the sixteenth century and without any sign of later buildings or reconstruction to spoil or deface it.

“What a wonderful house!” Lydia queried. “Who lives here?”

As she spoke, she realised that the house was actually uninhabited. Inside the windows oak shutters were drawn and barred. The front door was closed and padlocked on the outside as though in double precaution against trespassers.

The garden that surrounded the house was in a state of neglect. There were weeds in the paths and bushes and shrubs had thrust long untidy arms in every direction.

“It is sad to see it empty, isn’t it?” Evelyn said.

“One cannot imagine anyone not wanting to live here,” Lydia answered, “it’ is the most perfect place I have ever seen. Can we go inside?”

Evelyn shook her head.

“I am afraid not,” she replied.

“Tell me about it,” Lydia demanded.

Evelyn drew up her car in the wide sweep of the drive before the front door and switched off the engine.

“This is the Manor of Little Goodleigh,” she started, “and the house, like most of the property around it, has been in the hands of the Carlton family since the house was built. General Carlton died five years ago and since then The Manor has been shut up, as you see it now, and not lived in.

“Is there an heir?” Lydia asked.

There is,” Evelyn replied, “the General had one son called ‘Gerald’ and he was brought up here and I believe, in fact I am sure, that he loved this house as deeply as his father did.”

“Then what happened to him?” Lydia asked. “Where is he now?”

“He is living abroad,” Evelyn replied, “it is a long story, but I am going to tell you about it because indirectly it concerns yourself.”

“Concerns me?” Lydia expostulated and then added, “No, I will not ask questions, tell me everything.”

“When Gerald Carlton came of age,” Evelyn said, “about twelve years ago, there was a great party held here at The Manor. I came to it and amongst all the Festivities, the speech-making, the good wishes of the tenants and toast-drinking, the thing that struck me most was the genuine devotion of Gerald to his father and mother.

“It was not so surprising for Mrs. Carlton was one of the most beloved and charming women it was possible to meet and her husband was popular wherever he went.

“It was obvious that there was an unusually deep tie between them and their son, who had been born when neither of them were very young. The General spent most of his life abroad and they had waited for many years before starting a family.

“I left the party that evening thinking that here in this house there was a united family love it did one good to see and yet, only a year later, this was to be shattered and broken up by a woman.

“Above five miles away from here is Taverel Castle, owned by Sir John Taverel who in those days was Master of Hounds and one of the most important people in the County.

“It must have been out hunting that young Gerald met Lady Taverel for his parents did not bother to see much of their more dashing and sophisticated neighbours. Margaret Taverel was lovely.

“She was younger than her husband by a great many years, but must, I would suppose, have been about thirty-five.

“She had golden hair and deep-blue eyes, which had turned the heads of many young men at one time or another and at first people were inclined to laugh when Gerald Carlton showed his devotion very obviously and followed her around wherever she went.

“Sir John was a busy man and a somewhat difficult one to understand or to get to know. I cannot say that he minded his wife having admirers. He took little notice of them and, if he remonstrated with her in private, he made no public demonstration.

“Gerald, being young, was perhaps more ostentatious in his devotion than the other more experienced men had been. Anyway in an extremely short while, the whole neighbourhood was gossiping, although few people, I think, thought that it was a serious matter.

“I had known Margaret for many years. I liked her, although, quite frankly, I thought her one of the stupidest women who I have ever met. But then I could not deny her beauty and graciousness, which made her attractive and charming to everyone whom she met.

“She came to see me one day and, while we were still talking, Gerald was announced.

“She obviously expected him, whilst his visit was a complete surprise to me and just for a moment their delight at meeting each other and the irrepressible joy on both their faces, gave me a moment’s anxiety.

“I thought my fears were ridiculous. Gerald was a mere child and Margaret a woman approaching middle age. I watched them driving away together and, returning to the house, dismissed the whole episode from my mind.

“Two days later I heard the news that they had run away together.

“To say I was astonished was to put it mildly. It was the last thing I, at any rate, had ever dreamt of, although I had known Gerald since he was a child and Margaret Taverel for nearly as many years.

“General and Mrs. Carlton were heartbroken but they, like everybody else, waited to see what action Sir John would take in the matter.

“What shocked people most was the fact that there was a child nearly seven years old, a girl, and I had always believed that Margaret was devoted to little Ann.

“In telling you this story, Lydia, I cannot help but making it sound as though I blamed Margaret for what occurred. In some ways it is impossible not to, she was an older woman, while Gerald had hardly qualified to be called a man. It is only fair to say that now I can see her point of view.

“She was still lovely, still longing for love and romance as ardently as she had fifteen years earlier when she had married Sir John. I am prepared to believe that their marriage was a failure before she met Gerald.

“He was a difficult man to live with. He had distinct intellectual qualities. Margaret was a fool, but a very lovely one, that was all she had to offer any man, a beautiful face and an exquisite body.

“She asked very little from life really, just flattery and admiration and a man to make a fuss of her and none of these things could she obtain from her husband.

“Margaret was so afraid of growing old in the pomposity and grandeur of Taverel Castle. Gerald’s youth and good looks swept her off her feet and she ran away with him without thinking and without reasoning or considering what might come of her action.”

Evelyn paused and, opening her handbag, took out a cigarette.

“What did happen?” Lydia sked.

“Nothing, just nothing,” Evelyn replied, “that was the tragedy.”

“But did Sir John not divorce her?”

“No, he refused even though in the end General Carlton himself went to see him and begged him to do so.”

“How awful,” Lydia said. “What did they do?”

“They lived abroad,” Evelyn answered, “and at first I think there were very happy. Then after two years the tragedy happened. They were in Cairo and Margaret was out riding when her horse slipped and rolled on her.”

“Was she killed?” Lydia asked.

“It would, perhaps, have been far better if she had been. No, she was not killed, but her spine was badly injured and Gerald was told that Margaret could never be able to walk again.

“It must have been an awful moment for him, not only for himself but faced with the task of telling a woman who cared not only for her looks and her loveliness that for the rest of her life she would be an invalid.

“They bought a house outside Cairo and there they have lived ever since. Three years ago Sir John died in fact immediately afterwards they were married.”

Evelyn paused and looked out of the car window at The Manor.

“By that time,” she said, “both Gerald’s parents were dead also and I always feel myself that they would have been much happier if they could have known that their son was legally married. They knew too that, as long as the union was unblessed, Gerald would never return home.”

“Has he come back since?” Lydia asked.

“No,” Evelyn answered. “I think perhaps it would make him too sad and upset to see this house, unless, of course, he has altered very much in the passing years and no longer cares.”

“But how does all this affect me?” Lydia questioned, unable to restrain her curiosity any longer.

“You will remember,” Evelyn said slowly, “that I spoke about the child that Margaret left behind, Ann Taverel. She was seven then – now she is just eighteen. She was, of course, brought up by her father, who left in his will, Trustees and Guardians for her until she should reach the age of eighteen.

“After that he had no power to prevent her going to her mother should she wish to do so.

“At the end of this month Ann sails for Cairo to meet the mother that she has not seen for eleven years. She has made up her mind that she will, for the present, make her home with Margaret.

“Last week, just two days before I heard from you, I had a letter from Margaret asking me to find somebody to look after Ann, not only to take her out there but also to remain as chaperone and companion to the girl.

“I was wondering who would be suitable for the post when your letter arrived and I knew that there was a direct answer to my problem. That is why I have brought you here today and told you this story. I wanted you to know the whole truth before you met Ann.”

“But Evelyn,” Lydia exclaimed, “just how can I look after a young girl? Am I capable or suitable?”

Evelyn smiled affectionately and put her hand on Lydia’s arm.

“I consider you both,” she said, “and while I hope you will be a good influence on Ann, I think that she, as well as Cairo’s Society, would be a good education for you.”

Lydia laughed. It was so like Evelyn.

“A mutual Benefit Society,” she commented and then added seriously “it sounds rather frightening.”

“Nobody could be scared of Margaret Carlton,” Evelyn said firmly. “Of Gerald I cannot tell you anything at all. When I last saw him, he was a very charming cheerful boy of twenty-two. He is now a man of nearly thirty-four.”

“Tell me about Ann,” Lydia asked.

“She is a darling,” Evelyn answered enthusiastically. “Very pretty, very impulsive and used to getting her own way.”

“Oh, dear,” Lydia sighed.

“But you shall judge for yourself,” Evelyn said, throwing away her cigarette and starting up the engine of the car. “Ann is coming to tea today and you can make all your plans with her then.”

“But suppose she does not like me,” Lydia ventured nervously.

“She will,” Evelyn answered her confidently.

Turning the car, they drove off down the drive leaving The Manor alone to its shuttered silence.

CHAPTER THREE

Ann was lovely, there was no doubt about it.

She pirouetted slowly before Lydia and Evelyn, showing off a new green tulle evening dress that billowed out from her slim waist and yet revealed, rather than concealed, the lissom slender lines of her young figure.

She was dining out with a young man at Ciros, leaving Lydia and Evelyn alone at the hotel where they were all staying.

After three days that had been one long hectic rush, Lydia was looking forward to a quiet evening when she could to go bed early and rest even if she did not sleep.

She had found it difficult to sleep the last few nights for she had been so excited by the events that had followed rapidly one upon the other that at times she felt that this could not be happening to her quiet prosaic self but to some stranger.

From the moment that Evelyn had introduced her to Ann at ‘Four Arrows’ she had not had a moment to herself. Ann had arrived at the house with the news that she intended to sail for Cairo in a week’s time with or without a chaperone.

Fortunately she took an immediate liking to Lydia and there was no need for Evelyn to oppose this decision as she would undoubtedly have done had there been any real possibility of Ann sailing alone.