The Men In and Out of Her Life E-Book

Evinda Lepins

• Herausgeber: Proisle Publishing Services
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Seitenzahl: 580

Beschreibung

With one phone call her seven-year marriage was over and Lacey was left to pick up the pieces of her shattered heart left by yet another man in and out of her life.

Coming from a broken home, Lacey knows the value of family; however, she is blinded by her need to love and be loved and is determined to give her son everything she never had, but at what cost?

Lacey's season of singleness begins with twenty-eight-year-old Ian, who is fun for a while and great for her ego, but Lacey soon realizes that raising a teenager, juggling her court-reporting career and dating at the same time are exhausting until...the next man comes along, and so the cycle continues until she chooses to break it.

With the help of her counselor, girlfriends and The Voice within her, Lacey learns the most valuable lesson she could: She didn't need someone to be someone; she didn't need another man in and out of her life to know she was loved

Leseprobe

The Men

In & Out

of Her Life

By

Evinda Lepins

Copyright © 2023 by Evinda Lepins

ISBN:978-1-961526-25-9 {Paperback}978-1-961526-58-7 (Kindle/E-book)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher disclaims any responsibility for them.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Proisle Publishing Services LLC

39-67 58th Street, 1st floor

Woodside, NY 11377, USA

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Foreword

John Ortberg, in his book, Everybody’s Normal Till You Get To Know Them, writes, “The irony of the masks is that although we wear them to make other people think well of us, they are drawn to us only when we take them off.” This book, though in novel form, is the reflection of someone that took years of her life to peal back the pain, hurt, dysfunction and self- condemnation only to discover freedom, fulfillment and purpose after she was willing to face the very scariest places of her history. It is a compelling narrative of the journey of a woman desperately seeking to make sense of her negative circumstances that continued to repeat themselves.

As she began to be able to notice the lives around her, she realized that she was not the only one struggling with this cycle of confusion and self-destruction. From her experiences, she sees that the women in our culture are in deep trouble. She sees the need of women finding their voices and learning how to express themselves when they’re hurting, afraid and ashamed. She is hopeful that one person’s story can make a difference.

“From our pain, comes our calling.” This is where the inspiration comes from for the author to write so freely and boldly about her life. She is no longer hiding and running from “what people might think about her,” nor is she hiding behind any mask. She speaks freely and boldly in hopes that others will recognize their need to be free from the bondage of their past. She, today, speaks her mind and is not ashamed to be transparent. She gives words for those who know something is wrong in their lives but cannot make sense of their repetitious cycles of self-harm.

This book is emotional, inspirational and transforming.

You will not be the same after you’ve read it.

Steve Atkinson, M.A.

Atkinson Family Counseling

A Word from the Author

& Acknowledgments

I can’t believe it’s true; you are finally reading this inspired first novel of the Becoming Whole trilogy, and I am excited and humbled at the same time. There is so much to learn and gain in this gift of life, and my honest prayer for you would be that the pages of this novel would speak to your heart about the reality of Old Testament life and the availability and necessity to embrace our God-given New Testament future.

Abba Father, thank You for Your grace that inspires me, holds me, moves me off and away from myself so I may truly continue to take inventory with You, trusting You to reveal and remove that which needs to go, refine that which needs to become pure and strengthen that which is weak in me. Oh, that I would be a mirror of Your reflection and not perched on pride, but transparently encouraging others toward You.

Honorary Mom in heaven, I just think of you, and I am overwhelmed with tears of thankfulness for His guiding you into and through my life for twenty-six or so years. I’ve said this before, and I’ll trust that God will reward you for being the first person who showed me unconditional love, despite me, I know in my heart that He sent you to be the mom that was absent most of my life. I have grown leaps and bounds as a woman because of your patience, your wisdom, your zest for life, and your undying support. You inspire me like no other; and now you are my angel! We made it; this book is being published and though you are not here, I know you are rejoicing in Heaven.

My book/event team: Steve, Stephanie, Janine, Dawn, Susie, Sherry, Leigh, Nanny and Kim, there aren’t enough pages left for me to write what is in my heart and mind for each of you. He called you to this project and the things that have stemmed from it, and each of you have brought unique gifts to all that we have accomplished with Him and for Him. I am humbled by your love for our Father, and I will never stop thanking Him for the gift of your friendship, your time, and your efforts that have been a wall of support around me. We truly are a team, each member necessary to accomplish what He has called us to do.

Jeff, my son, what an incredibly special gift in my life you are! God has used you to teach me many of the lessons I’ve learned along the way. I’m overjoyed watching you become the man you were created to be; the father that your sons and daughter are learning from and truly adore, and the husband that your beautiful bride, my daughter-in-love, can lean on. I love you with every bit of my mothering heart, more, most!

Bryce and Breanne, my stepson and daughter, both of you have contributed to some lessons that I am still learning! You are a big piece of the puzzle of “family,” and my prayer is that some day soon, the pieces will come together to form a beautiful, blended family.

Chapter 1

The Beginning of the End

“Lacey, I’m not going to make it.”

“What do you mean, Peter? Do we need to leave later? Did something come up at the office?” Lacey caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and saw that she looked as confused on the outside as she felt on the inside.

“Come on, Lacey, you’re not making this any easier.”

It felt like an eternity while Lacey waited for him to continue, and finally he spoke again: “I’m not going on the trip, and I’m not coming home. I can’t do this anymore. I’ll be in touch and let you know when I’ll come and get my things.”

It was Lacey’s turn to pause. “I don’t understand. We were going to go away. Why—”

“Lacey, I’m just not happy. I’m not in love with you anymore.”

“What do you mean you’re not happy?” Lacey asked as she sobbed into the phone.

“I hate it when you cry, but we have to get this over with.”

“Get what over with?”

Peter continued with what sounded like a well-rehearsed speech: “Lacey, nothing I do or say is ever going to be good enough for you. You’ve got Jake, your career as a court reporter, your friends, and your journal. You don’t need me anymore.”

“But I do—” Lacey tried to stop him unsuccessfully, and the rest of his words hit her like a tornado.

“No, you don’t, and I’m realizing I’m okay with that, so I’m just going to file for divorce. It’s over. I’ll be in touch.”

The click and the dial tone reverberated in Lacey’s ear, the reality of his words tearing at her heart, engraving pain deep in her soul. She fell to her knees, her sobs projecting her body down to the ground and holding her hostage, landing her in a fetal position.

Peter hung up the phone with a sigh, struggling within himself as he realized that the relief that he thought would surely come after making that phone call was nowhere to be found. He’d been holding his feelings in for so long, and now that they weren’t captive inside of him any longer, instead of feeling free, he felt trapped with frustration. He even questioned if he had made a mistake as he thought about the events of the last couple of days. She had been working so hard to get things ready for their ski trip and visit to Mike and Cathy’s near Lake Tahoe.

Normally, Peter loved to get away, especially when skiing was involved, but things had been changing for a while, and colliding with the changes were his feelings about Dana. The guilt that lay in the depths of his soul started to make its way to the surface as Peter remembered just this morning how vulnerable Lacey had looked after their intense fight the night before. He had almost told her then. As he was getting ready to leave this morning, he had stolen a quick glance at her and had seen a glimpse of the girl that he had fallen in love with seven years ago. And as he had said good-bye, dreading yet another possible confrontation as he faked his way through his exit, she hadn’t yelled, hadn’t drilled him with questions to try and get him to talk, nor had she begged him to “communicate” with her. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

As he sat there with his face in his hands, he couldn’t figure out what had pushed him away—his own needs or her need to control. All he knew was that whatever it was, it had carved a wedge wider and wider, pulling him into the pool of temptation, and finally, taking him under until he no longer felt pulled but carried further and further away from his marriage.

The sound of someone clearing her throat brought him back to the present. Startled, Peter looked up to see his secretary staring at him.

“Are you all right?” Leanne asked.

“Uh-huh. Why?”

“Because I’ve told you three times that there’s a call for you on line one.”

“Who is it?”

“It’s someone who says her name is—”

Peter knew exactly who it was and cut her off, dismissing her with a glance as he picked up line one. He was oblivious to the look Leanne gave him as she turned her back and walked away.

“Hello. This is Peter.”

“You sound so formal.”

Peter’s stomach flip-flopped as he heard her voice, and he felt a smile in his heart that spread instantly to his face. “Hey, you,” he said, his tone awash with emotion.

“Did you tell her?”

“Yeah, I told her.”

“Don’t sound so sad.” She didn’t give him time to respond but got right to the point. “This weekend is all taken care of. The kids’ dad is going to pick them up after school, and our place is all reserved. We’re going to have a great time. It will be just like old times, only better.”

Peter picked up his pen and tapped it on his desk, nervous and excited at the same time. “I’ll meet you there after work.”

“What time do you think it will be?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll get out of here as soon as I can. Probably between four and five o’clock.”

“See you then, babe.”

Peter hung up the phone and forced himself to concentrate on his work, using it as an escape from the cloud of guilt that overrode the anticipation of a weekend with his ex-fiancée who had found her way back into his life.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there, hadn’t even realized that she had cried herself to sleep, but the ringing of the telephone brought her back to the present. What the heck just happened? Her thoughts blurred together like scrambled eggs. She glanced at the clock and saw that she had been asleep for almost two hours. The phone stopped ringing, and Lacey sat in a daze, not wanting to deal with any of it. She knew she should call Mike and Cathy, but she couldn’t find the strength. She had lost control of her world; it had been ripped apart. Again…why? She didn’t remember it hurting this much, ever. The pain in her heart took her back to the fight they’d had the night before.

Lacey had been working hard in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the homemade lasagna, bagging the homemade chocolate cookies, and getting the ice chest ready for their trip. She decided to tackle the bills and determine how much spending money they could take. When she had gone online to check their account, she saw a withdrawal made the week before for $120, and another one a few days before that for the same amount. What the heck? She had immediately called the bank, convinced that there had to be a mistake. The customer service representative asked her for the account number and the tracing number of each withdrawal. Lacey was on hold for what felt like an eternity, and then the customer service representative was back.

“Mrs. Paulson?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you for holding. Both of those withdrawals were made from the ATM machine at the Big Bear Inn, and they were made with your husband’s card.”

Lacey’s heart sank.

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

Lacey sat stunned, unable to speak until the customer service representative repeated: “Is there anything else?”

“No, that’s it. Thank you. I just didn’t remember those withdrawals.”

Lacey hung up the phone, trying desperately not to get sucked into her hyperactive intuition but failing miserably. His ex-fiancée has been coming around lately acting like she wants to be my friend; he’s been openly withdrawn lately; now this.

And that was the way Peter had found her when he had come home from work. Things had spiraled downhill from there, and when she drilled him about the withdrawals, his excuse had been that he and a few of his coworkers had gone out for drinks at the Big Bear Inn and he had paid for them. Lacey had known immediately that he was lying, not only by his body language and his defensive attitude but the fact that he wasn’t a drinker, not really. An occasional social drink here and there, but that was it. Against her better judgment, Lacey had let it drop, but the damage was done.

The morning hadn’t brought much sunshine into the situation, either. He seemed to be in a hurry to leave for work. He left over an hour earlier than usual. Lacey had tried to tell herself it was just because he was going to be working a half day, and she had thrown herself into the preparations for the trip, stopping only to call her son, Jake, who was with his dad for the weekend. That had been her only sunshine on a cloudy day, and thinking about him snapped her back to the present.

She looked around the family room where she had collapsed in tears. Nothing was out of place, and everything matched. The many pillows on the couches were made out of the same fabric as the drapes she had sewn. The art that they had collected over the years hung on the walls, staring at her, seeming to shout at her to get up, to go in search of answers. The tears came again, as if in defiance of the shouting, and she lay there, unabashedly weeping while trying to make sense of it all. You’ve got to get a grip, she told herself.

She pulled herself up and walked toward the stairs. As she reached for the first one, she stumbled, blinded by her tears and the feeling of emptiness and sorrow so dense, all she could do was crawl up the stairs, one by one, until she reached the top, and again she willed herself to stand up and walk. Step by step she inched her way toward their bedroom. She stood in the doorway, lost in a sea of pain brought on by the memories of when she had decorated this room. It too, like the living room, was perfect, only this had been their sanctuary. She had really put a lot of TLC into this room, and it showed. The bed was angled right in the center of the wall so it was the first thing you saw when you came in. She smiled, but only for a second, as she caught a glimpse of all the pillows on the bed. Peter used to tease her and call it the bed of pillows. The walls had been painted with a medium shade of dusk, which made the art on the walls look romantically artsy and invited warmth into the room. The adjoining bathroom with its huge bathtub, perfect for bubble baths for two brought the tears again.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and was dismayed at what stared back at her. She had let herself get lazy when it came to her appearance, and she was so out of shape that her friends, at the risk of hurting her feelings, called her big-boned. Lacey knew it was just a nice way of saying that at 168, five foot two, she was overweight. “Let’s face facts—I’m fat,” she muttered at her reflection. Her hair, sort of a reddish brown, looked wild and unruly; her face, though she was fortunate to have a good complexion, looked haggard; her big brown eyes looked haunted.

Lacey tore her gaze away from the mirror’s painstaking truth, desperately fighting back the threat of more tears. She just couldn’t deal with what had just happened; she didn’t want to think about Peter and the ruins of the safe, happy life she’d tried so hard to build. She had to find something else to think about. Her gaze settled on her chair, and it beckoned her to sit. She reached for some tissue in the drawer of the nightstand, and her eyes caught the journal that she had been haphazardly keeping for her son. She grabbed it and went to their bed, settling in with all of the pillows, lining them up alongside her to grant her relief from being alone. She opened up the journal to an entry made two years ago and began to read:

Oh, Jake, life seems to have taken on a different meaning now; it’s so much more precious. Your reaction to the news of losing the baby was one of open shock and sadness, which was a confirmation that you really did want a little brother or sister more than I suspected.

The pain of that memory rose to meet Lacey, and she continued to read on, mesmerized by the raw emotions that spoke so loudly on the pages, as if still alive. Through the journal entries she read, there was a theme woven between them, one that wasn’t apparent until now. The whole time she and Peter had been married, she had been trying to force a father-son relationship between Jake and Peter, as if Peter could take the place of Jake’s real father who was in and out of his life. Why?Was it because she wanted so much for him to have a better childhood than her own? Or was it that she wanted him to feel loved and accepted unconditionally and not abandoned?

In search of answers, Lacey read on and came to an entry that described more hard times they all had experienced while remodeling their home, the dream vacation they were planning to take to Hawaii, and the fact that she was pregnant again.

The ringing of the phone brought her back, and she looked at the clock. It was just after noon, the time that they were supposed to be leaving for their trip. She listened as the answering machine picked it up, and Peter’s sister’s voice came on: “Hey, you guys. I was trying to catch you before you left to tell you to have a great time in Tahoe. I know how much you both need it. Peter, ski that black diamond run for me, okay? Be safe. Love you guys.”

It was too much to think about, losing the family she had never had until she had met and married Peter, so she stayed right where she was and continued to read her journal to Jake.

We were all so excited when we arrived at our hotel in Honolulu. We unpacked and put our clothes away and got ready to go out for our long-awaited lobster dinner. I started spotting. I tried not to panic and told myself I was okay. To make sure, we went to the emergency hospital, and they ordered an ultrasound. I was still convinced that the baby and I were okay, so I asked the technician if you could come in. My sweet son, when you are older, there will be people who ask about your regrets in life. Well, for me, whenever I even think about it, I regret down to my soul having you in there to hear the ultrasound person confirm that the mass on the screen that should have been my baby, your brother or sister, had never formed. Your sobs still reverberate in my heart as I write this. Yes, that is a regret that will stay with me until my own death.

Lacey heard the distant sound of a doorbell, and she went to the hallway window to see who it was. She stood on her toes and looked down. When she saw her sweet neighbor, Katrina, she remembered that she’d forgotten to go over and give her the keys so she could check on their house and get their mail. Lacey let out a sigh. She just couldn’t stand the thought of telling her that not only was she not going skiing but that Peter had left her and was never coming back.

Katrina listened to the sound of the second ring of the doorbell. As she stood there, she realized that she hadn’t noticed if Peter had come home from work or not. She didn’t think so. Lacey had said he was just going to work half a day and then he’d be home so they could leave, but she would be over to give her the keys and say good-bye. Something’s up, she thought. She reached for the doorbell, and after pushing it one last time, she began to bang on the door. Frustrated, she walked backwards, not turning her back until she had reached the end of the walkway. When she did turn around, she ran across the street to her own house, ran in the door, and straight for the phone.

Lacey walked back to her room andreturned to the journal.

How do I write a year’s worth of emotions down on a single page or two of a journal? Things have changed in my field of court reporting. I’ve been working a lot more than I intended; but then again, I had never owned a court-reporting agency before. The competition in this field is fierce, and I’ve had to make some cutbacks that have been painful, to say the least, while spending more time at the office and connecting less and less with you and your dad.

There it was again, calling Peter his dad.

It’s almost like I’m running, fast and hard, from the pain of it all. I keep hearing your voice, your words you said to me a couple of weeks after we got back from Hawaii. Your pain was so blatant, your innocence couldn’t mask it: “Mommy, why are you still so sad? You still have me. Isn’t that good enough?” Oh, my dearest and only son, you cannot understand, until you have your own child or children, just how much you have completed my life.

Lacey let the journal fall from her hands as she wept at the memories threatening to drown her like a fierce ocean wave. Did he leave me because I couldn’t give him a child?Where and when had it started to take that turn in the wrong direction that had led to such a battlefield with him on one side and me trying to pull him back? How had we come so far, through so much, and drifted so far apart?

Lacey lay there, ruminating on the journal entries she had read. It had been like riding a tortuous roller coaster, the good times and bad times fluctuating up and down, but the bad times were so much more prevalent, catapulting them in a downward direction. It was all there in black and white, the raw emotional entries of times gone by, and suddenly she remembered that moment in time when she had realized that she had chosen wrong again; she should not have married Peter. That had been the first time she had heard it since she was a little girl—the Voice. You take care of your relationship with Me and I’ll work on him. It was gentle, loving and encouraging, definitely not condemning, and it certainly wasn’t now. As she sat there, she heard it now, and like the first time all those years ago, it beckoned her to move forward.

The first time had been after beingtaken from her mom and step-dad and placed in a foster home; she had been only twelve years old. Thereafter, she thought she heard it after she divorced Jake’s dad, encouraging her to move forward, reminding her that not all men would be in and out of her life. So she had listened, sort of, and moved forward…without really healing and shortly after remarrying, she began to seek the Voice more consistently.

It was just after marrying Peter that she had met the woman who became her honorary mom, a woman who had shown her unconditional love and had given her guidance through her wisdom-packed advice. Lacey knew instinctively that the timing of it all was not coincidental. In her pursuit for understanding, Lacey had gained knowledge and insight from several books on marriage as well as books on child abuse to help her work through her issues of abandonment. She had been determined to get it right, and yet, here she lay, stripped of all her pride, lost in a sea of disappointment and disillusionment, abandoned yet again.

“Oh, God, what am I going to do? Where are you now?” Lacey lay there and sobbed her way into a fitful sleep once again.

Disoriented, her pillow still wet from her tears, Lacey woke up to the Voice, almost as if it were coming from right next to her. It was so real she turned and looked to see who was there.

Isaiah 53:4.

She looked around her room, saw the clock on her nightstand, and was startled to see that it was already five o’clock. And then she heard it again: Isaiah 53:4. In the background, she heard the shrill sound of the telephone ringing. She couldn’t really distinguish how many times it rang, because she was still trying to understand what the Voice was saying. It seemed to get louder and louder, saying the same thing, Isaiah 53:4.

What the heck is “Isaiah 53:4? she asked herself. The phone stopped ringing just as she got up and made her way downstairs. She headed for her bookcase in the office. She didn’t remember where she had last seen it, but she knew what she was looking for. She scanned the books on the shelves and opened up the doors to the enclosed part of the bookcase. She scanned from left to right on one shelf and then the bottom shelf. There it was, way in the back. She reached for it and pulled out the dust-covered Bible, her Women’s NIV Daily Devotional Bible. It had been such a long time since she had read anything in it, and she didn’t even know if there was such a thing as “Isaiah 53:4” in there, but it was worth a try.

After wiping all the dust off, she opened it up to the table of contents, and as she ran her fingers down the books listed, her heart stopped. There it was, Isaiah. Her hands started to shake as she turned the pages, looking for the 53 and then the 4. What she read rendered her speechless: “Surely He carries all of your pain; He dries all of your tears.”

Chapter 2

S. O. S.

(One year later)

Lacey stood in her closet looking at the new clothes she and the girls had shopped for a few weeks ago. She wasn’t one for indulging in shopping sprees, but that was exactly what the girls had helped her do. “Out with the old and in with the new,” Sophie had said. And Nikki hadn’t been much help either in deterring her from the purchases, holding up a skirt here and a shirt there. “Would you look at these Barbie-doll clothes? Girl, you need to eat some carbohydrates. I’ll never be able to borrow anything you buy!” And Susie had really surprised them all with the clothes she was bringing into the dressing room, mixing and matching some of the latest styles and labels. Lacey smiled to herself as she remembered that day with all of them—Sophie, Susie, and Nikki. If it weren’t for her girlfriends, she didn’t know how she would have made it through the last year.

So what do I wear to go clubbing? Lacey was never one to stay undecided, especially when it came to clothes. But then again, she hadn’t been out in the single scene for a very long time. Fifteen minutes and seven outfits later, Lacey had finally settled on a pair of black low-rise Chanel pants that flared at the bottom, and an Abercrombie black-beaded halter top, which she pulled up and over her small chest and tied in a way that created the illusion of cleavage. “And now for the shoes,” she said aloud. Her gaze fell upon the boxes and boxes of shoes, the array of colors more explosive than any rainbow—white, black, red, blue, yellow, lime green, brown, tan; and not just one of each. Oh, no. There were several styles for each color. “Hmmm,” she reached for the black Pradas, a simple but elegant style with one-and-a-half-inch heels. They were surprisingly comfortable and one of her favorites. Apprehensively, she walked to her full-length mirror, muttering under her breath, “It’s not like I’m a spring…” The reflection that stared back at her stopped her midsentence and pushed her self-doubts out of reach. The girl that stared back at her was someone she still didn’t recognize. At five-three, now toned and petite, a size two instead of her former size twelve, she definitely looked confident. She liked her newly cut hairstyle that was a simple layered cut with bangs that swept down and around her cheekbones with blond-and honey-colored highlights which enhanced her big dark brown eyes.

She put on the finishing touches of her makeup, using a pencil to darken and lift her eyebrows, Bare Minerals blush the color of Bryce Canyon clay to bring out her cheekbones, mascara to thicken her already long and curly eyelashes, and icy pink gloss to help shape her lips; and lastly, she reached for her new favorite perfume, Light Blue by Dolce & Gabanna. The doorbell rang, and she sprayed to the right, to the left, and then all around, put the bottle down, and ran down the stairs, excited to see Nikki. They had met through the court reporting agency that Lacey had joined not quite a year ago, and though the friendship was still new, it was as though they had been friends forever; she was a welcomed addition to “the girls.” She opened up the door and was rewarded with one of Nikki’s famous bear hugs.

“Come on in, girl.”

“Peanut”—Nikki’s new nickname for Lacey—“just look at you. My gawd, we’re gonna be beatin’ ’em off with a stick tonight. Looks like I’m gonna get my once-a-year workout in after all.”

“You look pretty great yourself, Nikki.”

“Yeah, not so bad for a fat-camp graduate, huh?”

“Stop that,” Lacey exclaimed. “You’re beautiful.” Lacey marveled at how Nikki was able to laugh at herself and draw others into her laughter, appearing comfortable with her weight, yet hiding behind it. “Let me just get my purse and jacket, and we can go.”

Nikki reached for her purse and turned towards the door. “So are you ready to come out of hibernation and meet the wolves?”

“Oh, Nikki, I don’t want to meet any wolves, maybe dance with them,” she said, laughing. “But I think I’m ready to come out of my season of singleness and have a good time with you and the girls. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do. The last time we were all together was a month ago when we went shopping and had lunch. I wish Susie was coming so she could see this outfit she picked out.”

“Well, Peanut, I have a feeling she didn’t come because of him.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. I don’t have a good feeling about him. Hey, we better get moving. I told Julia we’d meet her there at nine, but we should be okay. Did I tell you she got us a VIP table at this place?”

“Oh my gawd, you didn’t tell me I was going out with royalty tonight. How in the heck did she manage that?”

“She’s an attorney with connections. What can I say? Besides, I think she spends a lot of time at this place. Let me just grab the address to put in for Siri and lock up, and I’ll meet you outside.”

Julia parked in her regular parking spot. As she got out of her car, she saw Sophie walking toward her. She waved, locked up her car, and went to meet her. They hugged and complimented each other. “So where’s Susie?” Julia asked Sophie.

“She just said she couldn’t get away tonight.”

Julia refrained from making a sarcastic remark, a rarity for her. “Well, we’ll have fun without her. Wait ’til you see how we’re going to celebrate Lacey’s divorce. I got us a VIP table, right up front, and wait ’til you see the view.”

As they made their way toward the club, Sophie marveled at Julia as she took her by the hand, and they walked right past the mob of people waiting in line. “I suppose that VIP table comes with cuts to the front of the line?”

“Absodarnlutely.” Julia laughed. “I just need to give these two tickets to the bouncer so he can get them to Lacey and Nikki when they get here.”

Sophie stood to the side at the entrance while Julia talked to the bouncer, who looked to be no stranger to Julia. If he’s any indication of what’s inside this place… Sophie thought. Julia made her way back to Sophieand whispered in her ear, “Trust me; it gets better.”

A splash of cool air and loud music welcomed them as they made their way in, and Sophie stood beside Julia, impressed when a host, a really hot host, approached them and greeted Julia with not one kiss, but two, one for each cheek, which confirmed Sophie’s suspicion that Julia had more than the partner at her firm as a connection. He took them to their table, which had a beautiful view of the back patio and surrounding area that boasted of a long and winding reflecting pool, spiraling waterfalls, and requisite palm trees. Their own table had a big palm-tree umbrella that offered a bit of privacy without shutting anyone or anything out. Sophie looked around and gave Julia a thumbs-up sign as the hot host took their drink orders.

“I’ll have my usual, Pierre, and do you have that bottle of champagne chilling?”

“You bet. Just let me know when you want me to bring it out.” His gaze turned to Sophie. “And what will the beautiful lady have?”

Sophie smirked at his comment, not easily captured by a guy’s charm, and looked up at him. Their eyes locked, and she felt a chill go down her spine that changed her smirk to a smile that warmed her face with a natural blush. “I’ll take a pomegranate martini.”

“Nice choice. I’ll be right back with your first round. By the way, Julia, this first round’s on me.”

“Thank you, Pierre.”

“My pleasure. I’ll be right back.”

Julia turned her attention to Sophie. “So Lacey told me your son’s dad was in a bad motorcycle accidentand he’s in a coma. Have you told him yet?”

“Yes. I explained it to him a couple of weeks ago, and he wants to go see him. I just don’t know if that’s a wise thing to do. I mean, it’s not like he saw him a lot anyway, but I don’t think I want him to remember his dad the way that he is now.”

“Well, how did you explain it to him?” Julia asked, curious.

“I told him that his dad had been in a bad motorcycle accident, and because he wasn’t wearing his helmet, his brain died but the rest of him is alive and that’s why he’s asleep all the time. So I think I’m going to wait as long as I can.”

“Wow, I don’t blame you,” Julia affirmed. “It’s not going to be easy for you to see him like that, let alone Zach. I mean, I’ve never had a kid, but I think I would wait as long as I could too.” When Sophie’s eyes welled up with tears, Julia changed the subject. “So do you think Lacey will like this place?”

“How could she not?” Sophie said, as she turned and looked around her. Her eyes opened wide as she saw that there was a double-decker dance floor. “She’s so going to love the dance floors; that’s for sure. This was so nice for you to arrange this for her, for all of us.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t seen Lacey very much lately, especially since she sold her court reporting agency and began working for that firm in Hollywood.

“Well, I think she’s going to love it here.”

“Before they get here, let’s go check out the eye candy.”

“Let’s, and can we look for the ladies’ room on the way?”

The girls pulled into the parking lot of the Cabana Club, and Lacey’s laughter suddenly stopped in her throat. She looked to Nikki. “Wow, would you look at this place. It’s beautiful.”

Nikki heard a “but” coming in Lacey’s tone ofvoice.

“I can tell something’s wrong, Peanut. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know if I can do this, Nikki.”

“Do what?”

“Go in there. Who am I kidding? I just don’t think I’m ready for this.”

“Now wait a minute, Lacey. You’re the one who said we’re just getting together with the girls. Don’t go getting all twitter-pated on me now. I’m the one who should have her head examined, going to a club with my skinny girlfriends. Now that’s worth a laugh and a half. Besides, I’ll hold your dance card and make sure that you only dance with a guy I’d take home to mom, and that means, he’s got to be Italian.”

“Yeah, well, I can’t imagine ever taking a guy home again to my adopted mom, let alone your mom, but the Italian doesn’t sound half bad,” Lacey said with a smile. “Let’s go do this, and, Nikki, in case I forget to tell you later, I’m glad there is you.”

“I’m glad there’s you, Peanut. Now let’s get in there.”

Julia looked up just in time to see Lacey and Nikki being greeted by Pierre and motioned to Sophie. “Wow, would you look at Lacey all dolled up and tiny standing next to Nikki.” As soon as she said it, she realized how it sounded and tried to undo the insult about Nikki. “I didn’t realize Lacey had lost so much weight, and Nikki looks great too. I’d kill for skin like hers. She’s never going to look her age.”

Sophie laughed at Julia’s faux pas. “Yeah, Nikki’s skin is amazing.” She fixed her gaze on Lacey. “Lacey really has taken working out at the gym to a new level. I can’t keep up with her, especially since our trainer has talked her into competing for the Ms. Fitness contest.”

“How much weight has she lost?” Julia asked enviously.

“I think she’s lost thirty-two pounds, four sizes, and a lot of the baggage that came from being dumped for another woman.”

Lacey and Nikki descended upon them before Julia could respond. Anyone watching them would have thought that they hadn’t seen each other in years as they greeted each other with hugs and laughter. Pierre stood by watching and couldn’t help but smile at their reunion. “Julia, would you like me to bring that out now?”

“Yes, it’s time to get this party started.”

The girls didn’t even notice him leave as they all got comfortable around their table and began catching up. Within minutes, Lacey had forgotten why she had been so nervous and was practically dancing in her chair to the beat of the song, taking in her surroundings, including the outside view directly in front of them of the waterfalls and spectacular pool and palm trees. It was breathtaking. The Cabana Club certainly didn’t have the typical “meat market” feel of other clubs she had been in years ago. Lacey wasn’t sure if it was the upscale-type of club goers or the ambiance, maybe a bit of both, but she liked it so far. She looked to Julia and mouthed “thank you” above the music and the girls’ chatter. Julia smiled and leaned in toward Lacey. “I wanted to help you celebrate life after divorce.”

“Girls, girls, champagne’s here!” announced Pierre as he quickly poured them each a glass. “Allow me the first toast.” He looked first at Sophie and, then holding the almost-empty bottle up in Lacey’s direction, said: “Welcome to the Cabana Club; it’s now a better place for me, to see all your beautiful faces.

“Ahh,” the girls said in unison. The girls held up their glasses and clinked them together, and, again, Pierre left unnoticed as the girls toasted to their friendship, to Sophie’s change of direction, to Nikki’s loss of three pounds, to Julia’s connection, and to Lacey’s divorce.

Their laughter and toasts to one another could not be heard over the music, but it was definitely obvious to any onlookers that the girls at the front table were having a good time. Ian elbowed his brother and motioned with his eyes in the direction of the girls. Tom looked in their direction, and Ian laughed as he watched his brother’s eyes get big and blow out a breath that came back in a whistle that they both heard over the music. “What do you say we send them over a round of drinks?” Ian asked Tom.

“Yeah, I’ll split a round with you. Or we could always go photo-bomb in one of their selfies.”

Ian’s mouth opened as if to reply, but his voice got caught in midair as he saw her get up off her chair and go dance with a guy that resembled a tall and lanky businessman trying to look comfortable out of a suit. Ian couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her tiny and toned body told him that she visited the gym as much as he did. From where he was standing, he could see the laughter that shone in her eyes and sparkled through her dimples. She was full of life and obviously loved to dance, another thing they had in common. He had to see her up close.

Tom, standing next to Ian, followed his brother’s gaze and saw immediately why he had wanted to buy the round of drinks. He slapped Ian on the back. “Hey, bro, I’ll go order that round for them.”

Lacey returned to her chair and was surprised to see a mixed drink waiting for her. She still had half a glass of champagne left and wasn’t planning to drink anything else. “Where did this come from?”

As if rehearsed, the girls all answered with their club code: “Ten o’clock.” Lacey looked in the direction and saw two guys holding up their glasses of beer. Lacey followed suit and held up her drink in a gesture of thanks. As soon as she sipped it, she knew what it was. She set it behind her glass of champagne. Her Long Island Ice Tea days were over, and she wasn’t about to drink enough to lose control, just enough to take the edge off, which the champagne was doing. She looked back to the girls. “That was nice of them to do that though.”

“I don’t know that ‘nice’ has anything to do with it, but this night is definitely getting better,” Julia said over the music. “Come on, girls. Let’s go dance.” They all got up, except for Nikki.

“You guys go ahead. I’ll watch our purses and take orders for your dance cards.”

Lacey took her by the hand. “No one’s going to take our purses, and no one’s got a dance card, so let’s go, girl.”

Out on the dance floor, Lacey couldn’t keep her eyes off the guys who bought their drinks. Laughing and dancing, she kept staring in their direction purposefully, moving and grooving to the beat. As the song came to an end, the D.J. announced the line dance to “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus. The crowd broke out in approving applause as they formed a line, side by side. Lacey and Julia stepped up to the front as if to lead because this was their dance and one that they were good at. As the music started, Lacey felt a shoulder bump hers and looked to her left, surprised to see one of the guys that had bought them their drinks right beside her.

“Mind if I join you?” Ian asked over the music.

Not missing a beat of the dance that had already begun, Lacey looked him up and down a couple of times, smiling. “Hey, it’s a free dance floor, right, Julia?” Julia answered with a nod while mouthing the words “My Achy Breaky Heart.” When the song ended, they all broke out in cheers and clapping, and the D.J.’s voice broke in: “We’re going to slow it down now. It’s guys’ choice.” Lacey quickly turned to leave the dance floor and felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned, and he was so close she could feel his breath on her face.

“Would you like to dance?” Ian asked her.

Lacey’s response stopped somewhere in her throat as she looked at him as if for the first time. This guy’s too beautiful. It’s only a dance. It’s only a dance, she chided herself. “Sure,” she said more confidently than she felt.

He pulled her close, and Lacey tried to relax as she watched the girls leave the dance floor. She felt the beating of his heart, not confusing it with the beat of the music, and tried to pull away just a little bit. He pulled her back into him, gently but firmly, keeping one hand in hers and another around her waist. Well, at least he’s not groping me, Lacey thought. She rested her head on his shoulder, and for the duration of the song, Lacey allowed herself to not think but just enjoy the feel of his firm body next to hers as he led them around the dance floor, obviously no stranger to the art of dancing.

“Would you look at that,” Nikki said to the girls. “They look as if they’ve been dancing together for years.”

“You can say that again,” Sophie agreed.

Nikki turned to Sophie. “So what’s new with you, gorgeous?”

Sophie’s smile brightened at the compliment. “Zack and I are adjusting to my new schedule. Since I’ve quit court reporting college, I have more time with him.”

“Well, that’s perfect timing, considering all you guys are going through,” Nikki said.

“That’s one way of looking at it,” Sophie agreed.

“So how’s the job going?”

“Actually, real estate is so different now.”

Nikki took a sip of her drink. “You mean because of the economy?”

Sophie nodded her head. “There’s that, and the fact that everyone’s sue-happy so the laws have changed.”

“You staying busy, though?”

“Yeah, there’s plenty of business, especially because investors always take advantage of foreclosures; they seem to be winning at the game of Monopoly because of others’ misfortunes. But at least it’s a job,” Sophie added.

“I’m rooting for you, girl. So, are there any new flames blazing bright in your life?”

“Well, there is a guy I’ve dated a few times and we seem to have a lot in common, but it’s too soon to tell if it’s anything serious.”

“Good for you,” Nikki said enthusiastically. “You deserve to have some fun.” And she really meant it. They shared a common bond of being single parents, and Nikki knew that Sophie had really been having a hard time lately, especially with Zach’s dad in a coma. Sophie was ten years younger than her, but Nikki had never felt anything but comfortable around her. She envied and admired her unpretentious beauty. At five-six, with long legs and a waist that disappeared when she turned sideways, she was a knockout. She dressed classy and conservatively almost always. Her hair was sexy but simple, cut to fit her heart-shaped face with multi-layers that flowed down in their natural wave and swept in toward the frame of her face, showing off her lips and cheeks, but bringing more attention to her big almond-shaped eyes that were the color of honey. In the months that Nikki had known Sophie, she had come to learn that the inside was just as pretty as the outside, and Sophie had welcomed her into their group with genuine approval.

Sophie leaned over and squeezed Nikki’s hand to thank her. Like Nikki, Sophie reflected on their friendship which was entwined with the common thread of single parenting, and she was always grateful for the time they spent together. Nikki had an innate ability to splash her enthusiasm for life on all who came in contact with her in a way that enabled people to see past her excess weight and marvel at her beauty. Her blond and unruly hair framed a round face that was well-defined by her cheekbones and a perfect nose and eyes the color of an inviting pool of refreshing water, big and round as quarters.

As another song started, Lacey returned to the table escorted by Ian, her face flush and her eyes still dancing. “Nikki, Sophie, this is Ian. Where’s—”

She was about to ask where Julia was when she appeared. “And this is our friend, Julia,” she finished.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ian.” Reaching for her drink, she held it up to take a sip after thanking him.

Ian looked in the direction of his brother, signaled for him to come over. Tom walked over, and this time, Ian introduced him to the girls. Tom wasted no time after being introduced to Sophie, and asked her to dance.

“Sure.” They headed for the dance floor upstairs.

“Hey, Ian, will you dance with me?” Julia asked. He looked to Lacey who quickly turned away not wanting to discourage him, and with a shrug of his shoulders, he nodded, and they followed Tom and Sophie.

“Are you having a good time, Peanut?”

“Yeah, actually, I am. I’m glad we did this. Getting out tonight is going to make tomorrow easier.”

“What do you mean? What’s happening tomorrow?”

“I’ve been invited to go skiing with Doug and Martha and their friend from church who just so happens to be a former ski instructor and single. How convenient, huh?”

“Peanut, that should be fun for you, especially since you haven’t been able to ski yet this season.”

“Yeah, they want to get on the slopes one last time. At least it won’t be cold.”

“Just promise me you’ll take it easy and not go speeding down any black diamond runs, okay?”

“No worries; I don’t ski black diamond runs. The last time I went down a black diamond run was when I was with you know who, and I didn’t even know it was black diamond until I got off the chairlift and looked down. He thought it was funny, just because he looks like poetry in motion swishing down the hill, but I wound up going down on my butt.”

When Julia and Sophie returned to the table, Nikki and Lacey were in tears from laughing at Lacey’s recount of her black diamond nightmare and Nikki’s latest deposition experience. “You’ve got to hear what happened to her yesterday while she was on the record,” Lacey sputtered out in between fits of laughter. Nikki recounted the events of the deposition from the day before, erupting with laughter when she got to the part of her court reporting machine falling over in the middle of an answer full of unmentionable expletives given by the witness. She painted such a visual picture for all of them that brought unrestrained laughter and stories from all of them that kept going into the night.

Lacey woke up to the music from the alarm clock at six thirty, feeling exhausted and refreshed at the same time. The beat of the music brought a smile to her face as she remembered the events of the night before. She had danced and laughed the night away, and it had been good for her ego. Her favorite dance partner, and there had been a few, had been Ian. he had behaved like a perfect gentleman, and he danced in a way that made everyone look at him with awe. And to say he was easy on the eyes was an understatement. He has to be at least ten years younger than I am, she thought. “Well, it’s not like I’m going to see him again.” She got out of bed and headed downstairs toward the smell of her already-brewing Starbucks coffee.

She poured her first cup into her thermos and quickly made her second one for her quiet time. On the way to her favorite spot to sit, she remembered she couldn’t stay there too long. Doug, Martha, and Jim were coming at eight. This was her favorite part of the day, early morning, when her phone wasn’t ringing and the birds were singing. All was peaceful as she sat down to journal. She had started this journal a year ago, after hearing that Voice that had let her know that she wasn’t alone and had revived the little seed of faith instilled long ago.

For three months after the phone call that had changed her life forever, Lacey had ridden an emotional roller coaster, enticed by Peter’s emotions and confusion, a ride that had them going up and down until it had finally ended and Lacey had been forced to let go of hope in exchange for the divorce papers.

After that, Lacey had put the house up for sale, and it had sold in just two days. So many friends had rallied around her and Jake and helped them pack everything up to put it into storage. They had moved in with longtime family friends Doug and Martha, their daughter Angela, and their son, Adam, who just happened to be Jake’s best friend. The invitation was for as long as it took her to get on her feet. It had been good for Jake, and their home had been a safe nest for Lacey to rest and heal her broken wings and heart.

It had taken six months, and in that time, Lacey started working as an independent court reporter with Del Vicchio and Associates Court Reporting Agency out of North Hollywood. It was a great company; she loved her job and within six months, she had been able to buy her condo in Rancho Cucamonga. The second move was easier in an overwhelming kind of way because of all the people who helped: the girls, Doug and Martha and some of their church friends. They had definitely given her a different perspective about church, and she was thinking maybe she’d check it out after all.

By the end of their moving day, everything had been unpacked and put away, furniture placed, the kitchen organized, knickknacks placed and pictures hung. When everyone had left, it literally looked as though they had been living there for a year.

Lacey looked around her as she poured her second cup of coffee, reflecting on the whirlwind of her life over the past year. Though the pain wasn’t gone by any means, things were working out, and she was on her feet again. Last night had proved that. She was glad she had given in to the girls’ relentless efforts of trying to get her out. Just thinking about it brought pen to paper, and Lacey filled the pages of her journal, recapping the night out with the girls and the fun she’d had.

They had been some of the last to leave the Cabana Club, and before they did, they had a fun selfie session. Ian and Tom walked them all out to their cars and Nikki and Lacey were the first to drive away, but not before Lacey noticed Ian and Julia talking at her car. She could have sworn that Julia had handed something to him. Five minutes later, Lacey’s cell phone rang, and Julia was on the other end confirming what she had seen. “Hey, I hope you don’t mind, but Ian asked for your number and I gave it to him.”

“What?” Lacey screamed into her phone.

“Chillax. I just gave him your cell phone number. You should have seen him dancing around while he got the words out of his mouth. He was too cute. I couldn’t resist.”

“Julia, I can’t believe you did that. Maybe he really wanted yours.”

“Trust me, I tried to give him mine; he wasn’t interested.”

“So what did he say?”

“He just asked how long I’ve known you, if you were single, you know, all the usual stuff. He said he really wanted to get to know you, and then asked for your number.”

“And how did you answer all of his questions?”

“I told him that you were single and if he wanted to know anything else, to ask you. Then I gave him your number.”

Above Nikki’s giggling, Lacey chided Julia, “Yeah, well, don’t do me any more favors, Julia. He probably won’t call anyway.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it. Bye for now.”

“Ta-ta for now, Julia.”

Nikki was still giggling and Lacey turned to her and couldn’t help but join her until she realized she would be left wondering if he would call.

“What’s so funny?”

“Peanut, the guy was totally smitten with you.” As if reading her mind, she continued, “And if he calls, great. If he doesn’t, then chalk it up to an ego-boosting time.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Lacey said, not wanting to end the night with doubt and insecurity.

It was two-thirty before Lacey was home. By 2:45, she had changed into her oversized T-shirt and removed the traces of makeup before falling into bed. No wonder she was still feeling tired. Saturdays were normally her only day to sleep in, but she was trading sleeping for skiing.

Doug, Martha, and Jim arrived right on time. Lacey heard their horn honkand grabbed the box of items belonging to Peter that had been stored in her garage. He obviously didn’t remember leaving them, but Lacey wanted to deliver them personally and exchange the temptation to throw the box away for the chance to see him again.

Doug was holding the trunk of the Excursion open for Lacey when she came outside. He took the box from her and, after putting it in the back, hugged her and asked if she was ready for the day.

“Yes,” Lacey said breathlessly. “Let’s do this.” She turned to make her way into the back seat, and Martha greeted her with a hug.

“Lacey, you remember our friend Jim?” Lacey looked up to see Jim smiling at her as he held the door open for her.