The Outsiders E-Book

James Corbett

• Herausgeber: Lightning Books
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Beschreibung

LOST LOVES AND PAINFUL TRUTHS AGAINST THE BACKDROP OF LIVERPOOL'S FALL AND RISE SHORTLISTED FOR THE PORTICO PRIZE Liverpool 1981.As the city burns during inner city riots, Paul meets two people who will change his life: Nadezhda, an elusive poet who has fallen out of fashion; and her daughter Sarah, with whom he shares an instant connection. As the summer reaches its climax his feelings for both are tested amidst secrets, lies and the unravelling of Nadezhda's past. It is an experience that will define the rest of his life. The Outsiders moves from early-80s Liverpool, via Nadezhda's clandestine background in war-torn Europe, through to the present day, taking in the global and local events that shape all three characters. In a powerful story of hidden histories, lost loves and painful truths ambitiously told against the backdrop of Liverpool's fall and rise, James Corbett's enthralling debut novel explores the complexities of human history and how individual perspectives of the past shape everyone's present.

Leseprobe

Published in 2021

by Lightning Books Ltd

Imprint of Eye Books Ltd

29A Barrow Street

Much Wenlock

Shropshire

TF13 6EN

www.lightning-books.com

ISBN: 9781785632594

Copyright © James Corbett 2021

Cover by Ifan Bates

Typeset in Adobe Jenson Pro

The moral right of the author has been asserted. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Printed by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon CR0 4YY

For Catherine

Contents

Prologue: Liverpool, 2021

Part 1: Liverpool, 1981

Part 2: 1989

Part 3: Nadezhda

Part 4: 1993-2021

Part 5: Sarah

Note on Historical Sources & Acknowledgements

Prologue: Liverpool, 2021

Paul couldn’t find it at first.

This secret garden lay hidden in one of the city’s best loved public spaces, amidst the cool shadows cast by the largest Anglican cathedral in the world. He had been here many times, but until a few moments earlier had never known of this little enclave within it.

The cemetery was an oasis in the middle of the city. Gravestones lined its walls, freeing the ancient burial grounds to serve as gardens that existed in a man-made valley between the street above and the cathedral’s Gothic magnificence. The sound of children playing in puddles after a recent downpour sang in the humid air.

Yet, in this corner, municipal order gave way to decay and neglect. Nature had taken over. Trees shot up from every free space of dirt they could find, wreaking chaos amidst the memorial stones. One grave-bed was uprooted by a tree, the roots pushing the headstone out of its resting place.

As he wandered deeper into the garden, the path began to get more cluttered as the fighting between trees for soil – and, ultimately, light – grew fiercer. The earth which wasn’t taken by the trees was claimed by bracken, fallen branches, dead saplings and browned leaves. All of it lay coated by moss or snared by ivy. Ivy crawled all over the back of one headstone and hung over its front like a wispy fringe.

Paul momentarily lost his balance, tripping on some low railings forged a century or more ago in a vain attempt to protect its crypt from invaders. All ownership had long since been ceded to nature, the inscription washed off its sandstone page by years of wind and rain. The next place along, a headless statue lay on a bed of rotting leaves. She looked peaceful in the brown mulch with her bedfellows: unripe horse chestnuts, a juvenile fern and a couple of snails. An open marble book sat over an accompanying tomb, its original inscription lost under the scrawl of faded graffiti.

In another spot, a clearing, poppies and other wild flowers lived, awoken from their seedlings by the sun which earlier had shone so intensely.

He read the inscriptions, looking for the name imprinted on his consciousness for four decades. Madeleine Reichwald: Sadly Missed, Lovingly Remembered. Robert Darwin: In Memory of My Father, His Daughter Sarah. Maurice Jones: Deeply Mourned. Samuel Cornish. Joseph Bellefied. David Andrews. Hannah Jones. Suzanne Pontremoli. Each one was sadly missed, lovingly remembered, deeply mourned. Each had the briefest epigraph. There were no pebbles left by visiting friends or family adorning the tops of headstones, no flowers. None had died after 1939. It was as if life itself had ended that year.

Then, at last, he saw what he had come for: a small white stone, more recent than the other memorials but nevertheless stained by decades of moss and lichen. The inscription, still bearing gold leaf, was modest for someone who assumed such importance, barely hinting at the many lives she had lived. He had thought of her so often over the years, but in the pursuit of her past had come to consider her almost solely as a foreign being, when this city which they once both called home – where she now rested – had formed such a central part of her existence.

He thought of her fate, of her end and how its mysteries consumed so much of his life. And then he started to cry. Barely suppressed tears at first, and then more sustained weeping. He stood there alone, crying until the rain came.

Part 1: Liverpool, 1981

1

You didn’t become a Liverpudlian simply by living there. You could be from the city, but not of it; call it home, but never really belong. Other cities chewed you up then spat you out, but Liverpool was different: it would turn up its nose and shrug you off with an ambivalence so damning that it made it feel as though you had never even fallen under its contemptuous glare. Everybody spoke of the sense of community, but once away from the vicinity of family, friends and neighbours, and out into the wider city, you were nobody. Because of the intra-city apartheid that seemed to rear its head in every loose encounter – the whole I’m more local than you swagger – everybody was, in their way, an outsider.

These things kept coming back to Paul as he made the journey from the suburban outlands and into the heart of the city where he was meeting his friends for a night out. In a vapid summer, the chance to see Echo and the Bunnymen at the university was one of the few fixtures in Paul’s calendar.

It was early evening and men in suits were disembarking from the Southport train to go home to their wives and children, their squares of garden and the last of the day’s sun. Liverpool had broiled again under clear skies and a high sun. Beyond the city the expanse of the Irish sea lay flat, brown and benevolent, the coastal breeze which usually cooled it on such days conspicuous by its very absence. The air was still and dense.

Liverpool also sweated under the gaze of a hundred television cameras as a media frenzy descended upon the city. Liverpool 8, the inner-city district that incorporated Toxteth, had exploded into violence after local residents took an aggressive stand against police brutality. Overnight it became a latter-day Saigon as journalists filled its streets and ran with the rioters. Buildings burned, vehicles were overturned and set alight, while youths hacked away at the wreckages, creating a makeshift arsenal of bricks and masonry. Social commentators lined up to condemn the moral degradation that bred the violence, while police deflected accusations of brutality by inviting camera crews into local hospitals, where entire wards were handed over to bruised bobbies. One man was dead, hundreds of others injured. Bishops appealed for calm; community leaders claimed the battles were over.

For the rest of the city, however, life carried on as normal. People went to work, women shopped, and children played. Concerned relatives telephoned from afar to check up on family, but in a city of suburbs Toxteth’s riots were a TV phenomenon for most people: remote, somewhere else.

With his parents, Paul watched the previous evening’s nine o’clock news with a rising sense of bewilderment as the sombre voice of Richard Whitmore spoke over footage of burning buildings: ‘Liverpool burns as its inner cities rampage.’ As the picture cut to a line of policemen forming across the top of a Victorian street, Paul’s father leant over and turned up the volume. The police held plastic riot shields in one hand, while in the other metal batons glistened menacingly. ‘One hundred and fifty injured as police battle rioters,’ said Whitmore and the picture cut to Margaret Thatcher climbing from a ministerial Jaguar and up the steps of 10 Downing Street. ‘The Prime Minister convenes an emergency meeting of the cabinet as tensions rise and police anticipate more trouble this evening.’

‘It’s the darkies,’ Paul’s father pronounced. ‘On the rampage because one of their lot got pulled over by the police.’

Paul winced at his father’s easy distillation of the report. His mother walked urgently towards the netted curtains and looked out anxiously onto their darkened cul-de-sac. There was a sudden nervousness about her, as if a mob might also come rampaging down their little street several miles away.

But the riots, although just eight miles away, may as well have existed on another planet.

* * *

‘Have you ever heard of Nadezhda Semilinski?’ Paul’s best friend Christopher had asked him three weeks earlier. It was late, and they were sat out in the sand dunes after a night drinking at their local pub, The Swan. They were accompanied by a half-bottle of whisky, which they passed between themselves, swigging the burning liquid as marram grass flicked in their ears and sand filled their shoes.

‘No, I don’t think so. Why?’

‘She’s a poet. She was big in the Sixties and won all sorts of awards. She’s local, like.’

‘She doesn’t sound very local.’

‘I mean she lives in the city. I think she was a Jewish immigrant from after the war.’

He changed the subject and they started talking about football. It was close season, a time of wheeler-dealing and expectation. Previous disappointments palled in the hope that new signings and fresh momentum made for a successful new campaign. To them, football and all its possibilities offered unending topics for conversation, but by the time the whisky bottle had less than an inch of liquid in its bottom, the boys, drunk and tired, had run out of talk. They lay in the sand, their eyes glazed with fatigue, silently looking up at the stars.

Christopher was a handsome green-eyed boy; his black hair was matted with Brylcreem and brushed artfully into a quiff that was incongruous to any prevailing fashion, but which he somehow managed to pull off. He possessed a silent charisma, an intensity that gave him presence among his suburban friends. He and Paul had been friends, best friends, for as long as either could remember. There was a bond between them that made each to the other like the brother they had never had. But like all brothers they were at once friends and adversaries, and this unspoken rivalry, which seemed to heighten as they grew older, seeped beneath their kinship.

Paul knew Christopher had no interest in poetry, no interest in anything, really; but sometimes he dropped the name of an avant-garde or cult figure to create the impression that he was cultured, that he knew more than he actually did.

Christopher took a swig from the whisky bottle. ‘Here, you finish this,’ he said, passing the dregs to Paul. He took a mouthful and looked up at the stars, the whisky burning his throat. After a minute’s silence, Christopher spoke. ‘You know I mentioned the poet,’ he said, ‘There was a reason.’ He sat up. ‘I pulled her daughter earlier today, at the beach.’

‘Yeah, right.’

‘What’s it to you?’ he said, sullenly. ‘You’ve never even heard of this esteemed poet anyway.’ He was quite drunk now, slurring ‘esteemed’ so that he sounded as if he were mocking the poet’s credentials.

His womanising was at once a self-created myth and a reality. Amongst a circle of friends that coveted girls, but outside school rarely came into contact with them, no one quite knew how to unpick the truth from his idle boasting. Christopher claimed to have lost his virginity when he was thirteen, though no one believed him. And yet for years he was seen again and again with one or other of his twin sister Helen’s friends on his arm before he cast them away, as though it were his inviolable duty to work his way through them all. Rarely did he bring his two worlds into contact, friends and girlfriends, as though one might test the limits of the other. At the same time he used this purported prowess as a stick to beat his other friends, particularly Paul. Nothing was more wounding to a teenager than to be tarred with the truth: you’re a virgin.

But Paul had learned not to rise to him, and so merely shrugged his shoulders.

‘It’s true,’ said Christopher. ‘I got off with her and I’m seeing her again tomorrow.’

It was nearly one am now, and as they ambled drunkenly home the streets were entirely empty. ‘She’s called Julia,’ Christopher told him, slurring her name. He was so drunk now that Paul knew he was incapable of lying coherently. ‘She’s dark and pretty – like me!’ Paul joined him in laughing at his own joke. ‘She’s from out Aigburth way. And she’s a Jew, man! She’s a Jew!’ This seemed an impossibly exotic notion, for neither knew any Jews. Indeed they knew very few non-Catholics whatsoever. ‘She’s lovely, Paul!’ he said. ‘Very lovely indeed!’ And then he added caustically, ‘When are you going to get a lovely girl, Paul?’

But Paul was too tired and drunk to respond to his taunt, or even be upset by it. He was intrigued by this new girl: he knew nobody like that. Everyone in his world was Catholic and they were the sons of doctors, social workers, teachers, taxi drivers, civil servants, or, like him, a tax inspector. If there was foreign blood in their veins it was Irish or Welsh. They were workers, not creators or artists. He had never met anybody who had published a word. For Paul, such people existed only on the pages of newspapers, books or on film. To be a writer was something exotic, alluring and entirely foreign.

Indeed this notion of a Jewish poet’s daughter would not leave his head. Even when he entered his home, climbed the stairs, and sat on the edge of his bed, emptying sand from the inside of his shoes, the poet’s name sang in his drunken mind:

Nadezhda Semilinski, Nadezhda Semilinski.

* * *

In snatched conversations over the next few weeks, in between Christopher’s forays ‘shagging around the city’, his friend gave updates on his new girlfriend.

‘She’s different to all the rest,’ he said, lowering his voice and smiling. ‘There’s something about her; she’s smart and sensual and worldly. She’s something else. She’s not just easy. Quite the opposite. I get the sense that she’s always testing me, seeing what I’m like.’

‘But she still puts out only a few days after meeting you.’

Christopher gave him a delighted smile and shrugged his shoulders. ‘Jewish girls, eh?’

Had he met her mother yet, the poet?

Christopher lit another cigarette and blew out a small cloud of smoke. He shook his head. ‘It’s very strange,’ he said. ‘They live in this huge dilapidated house, but she stayed in her room the whole time. “Her rooms” is how Julia describes them, like they’re a separate part of the house. It’s a bit weird. She’s spoken about in the past tense, as if she’s dead.’

‘I’d never even heard about her before last week,’ Paul admitted.

‘Nor had I,’ Christopher said. ‘I think she was quite famous. Faber published her – I saw her books.’ He pulled himself even nearer to Paul and said in a low, conspiratorial tone, ‘I think there was some sort of great scandal, some sort of disgrace that turned her into a recluse.’

* * *

A few days later, Paul was introduced to the new girlfriend. They gathered in the Caernarfon Castle, a city centre pub that was dark and cool and smoky.

Like Liverpool itself, the pub seemed to carry equal measures of faded elegance and seediness. It had ornate tiled floors, and an intricately carved balustrade around the top of the mirrored bar, showcasing the landlord’s collection of Dinky cars. A barman arranged ashtrays on the mahogany counter. Sitting around it, old men idled on their own, reading copies of the Liverpool Echo and drinking mild. It was an eccentric place: a mix of office workers, male pensioners waiting for their wives to finish shopping, a couple of purple-faced ex-dockers stuck to the bar as permanently as the brass rail, and curious onlookers like himself, hopelessly out of place.

He ordered a pint of bitter and sat at an empty table, overlooking the pub. In the pit of his stomach there was a hint of nervousness, as if he were about to be examined or judged.

And then, quite abruptly, the poet’s daughter was sat opposite him, shaking his hand, telling him how pleased she was to meet him. She was rakishly thin and as tall as him, taller than Christopher by several inches, which surprised Paul. Her long black hair curled around in a demi-fringe and flicked on her white, flawless face. Her cheeks arced elegantly over high, strong bones and she had intent brown eyes. It was a strange face, certainly beautiful, but in a way that was different to other girls he’d met – although he couldn’t quite decide why. Maybe it was because she looked like she belonged on a film set and not some backstreet Liverpool pub. She seemed to exude a confidence that came with knowing she was beautiful.

‘It’s a proper old man’s pub, isn’t it?’ she said, gesturing around. Christopher was at the bar, ordering drinks. She spoke in an oddly inflected accent that hinted only slightly that she was of the city. ‘My mother calls these sort of fellas “twerlys”.’

‘Twerlys?’

‘As in the sort of blokes that badger bus inspectors: “Am I too early to use my bus pass?”’

Paul was momentarily perplexed, then laughed and the unease lifted. She grinned back.

She was a foundation art student, a contemporary of Christopher’s twin, Helen. She was funny and vivacious and talked of art, cinema and music as easily and knowledgeably as his own friends talked about their twin passions of football and beer. Christopher leered all over her, pawing at her like a middle-aged man with a much younger mistress. She paid scant attention to her boyfriend, talking intently to Paul, seeming to revel in anybody’s company other than her boyfriend’s. Paul had half-expected a loose girl who exuded sexual charisma, but there was no hint of this. They looked an odd couple and he wondered what she could possibly see in his friend.

‘I believe you have something of an artistic heritage,’ Paul said, ignoring his friend.

Julia looked at him, momentarily confused before realising what he meant. ‘Oh Mother, of course. Yes, she’s a poet. She had a few collections published in the Fifties, Sixties and early Seventies.’

She drifted off, as if it were just another job, like a teacher or a nurse.

‘She was quite famous,’ he said.

Julia frowned at him. ‘Do you know poetry?’ she snapped. ‘I mean, understand the world of poets.’ He shook his head. ‘No, why should you, I suppose?’ For a second she spoke in a withering way, as if to imply: How could you? You’re just a suburban boy, a bland tax inspector’s son. But then she smiled and her eyes sparkled. ‘She was renowned, I suppose, in that little world. But I think that’s probably part of her past now.’

Straight away he wanted to know more: Why was it part of her past? Why was Julia so defensive? But her sharp manner deterred him. He had no wish to embarrass her by dragging out uncomfortable truths.

But then her mood shifted again and she began talking about a play put on by one of her friends in the studio space above the Playhouse Theatre and an art exhibition a student collective were hosting in an old warehouse by the river. Would Paul like to come along and join them? He could sense Christopher’s rising irritation. ‘Absolutely,’ Paul replied.

‘Listen,’ Christopher said in a lowered voice, when she went to buy her round of drinks from the bar. ‘After these drinks, can you do us a favour?’ He arced his eyes over to the door, but Paul didn’t take the hint. ‘I’m hoping for a bit of hokey-pokey later, y’know.’ Paul nodded, but Christopher continued, his voice suddenly sharp. ‘If you could stop playing gooseberry, I’d appreciate it.’

Paul’s face reddened at his friend’s belittlement.

When she returned a certain awkwardness took hold. Paul and Christopher had run out of things to say, while Julia sat chain-smoking, watching the two friends and their increasingly stilted talk. But for all of Christopher’s desire to get rid of him, Paul felt it was not he who impeded the conversation, but Christopher.

Through his adolescence, Christopher defined himself by his elusiveness. The notion No one knows me, his sense of being a wraith amongst his suburban friends, was carefully cultivated to make him attractive. But the realisation had begun to grow on Paul that this merely masked Christopher’s vacuity, that he really stood for nothing and were he not so evanescent the world would see him for what he was: dull, self-serving, unpleasant.

* * *

Christopher’s bohemian girlfriend would not leave Paul’s mind. It was more what she represented: unconventional, foreign, avant-garde and her promise to shred the tedium of a never-ending summer.

‘When we finished the exams, I thought there’s so many things I want to do, but haven’t been able to do because of studying and revising and being stuck at school,’ said Fat Sam, as they sat morosely in The Swan on Friday. He was round-bellied and jowly, his red cheeks the same colour as his hair. With his plump frame and perpetual broad smile, he gave the impression of a fat, jolly old man – a butcher, or a pub landlord, perhaps.‘Well, now I’m free, I’m just bored. Bored, bored, plain bored.’

Paul waited for the call to join her at the art exhibition she had spoken of, or maybe the play, but it never came. And why would it? She was his best friend’s girlfriend. He had no claim on her other than a brief meeting. But still she would not leave his thoughts, Julia and her elusive and famous mother, Nadezhda Semilinski.

Returning from a visit to the city centre a few days later, Paul entered Moorfields station, a modern palace of flickering strip lights and ugly, brown plastic panels. It smelt of piss, and as you entered Liverpool’s subterranean realm you were confronted by damp and the aura of disrepair. A few years ago, when they dug the station out of the city’s sandstone foundations, it was a vision of the future, but already it felt dated and decrepit.

Paul showed his ticket to a disinterested inspector and walked along the causeway that led to the escalators and platforms.

As the escalator took him down into the bowels of the city he was lost in his thoughts, amusing himself with recollections of his friends’ oddities. He glanced down and through the gloom, ascending from the platform on the opposite escalator, was Julia; tall, striking, her china-white skin luminous in the dingy surroundings.

Seconds passed, not even seconds – hundredths of seconds. She glanced in Paul’s direction, not at him, but upwards, to the light and the city. He opened his mouth to call her name, but as they passed he saw it was not Julia at all, but some other girl, just like her, less poised, a little taller, more awkward, perhaps, but beautiful too.

Then the escalator reached the platform and Paul, in a trance, looked back up. But the girl was already lost to the city.

* * *

The riots started as a rumour. Liverpool was a city of chit-chat and tittle-tattle, but the stories of trouble – burned cars, looted shops, hundreds of riot police – seemed to spread from every direction. Phones rang in the early morning, swapping stories or checking rumours out, while local radio stations tried to make sense of a chaos of arson and burning. Dispatched to buy the Liverpool Echo at lunchtime, Paul met Sam’s father, a taxi driver, who was at once here, there and everywhere; a wandering set of eyes who seemed to know what was happening in every part of the city.

‘The trouble in L8 last night was worse than what they’re saying, y’know,’ he told Paul as they queued to pass over their change. L8 was the local term given to Toxteth, a once grand Victorian inner suburb, that, through years of neglect, had become something of a ghetto on the city centre’s fringes. For Paul its name was a byword for danger and degeneration. You passed through it, but no one from his part of the city right-mindedly went there otherwise. ‘A row of shops and buildings were burned down and all the roads were closed this morning.’

‘It’s normally like that, isn’t it?’ Paul asked, flippantly.

‘It was pretty bad,’ he said.

But just how bad it was he didn’t fully realise, until he sat watching Richard Whitmore narrate the nine o’clock news with his parents that evening.

‘More than a hundred white and coloured youths fought a pitched battle with police, some were as young as twelve, the oldest no more than twenty. It lasted more than eight hours and at the end of it Merseyside’s chief constable said it was a planned attack. “We were set up,” he said.

‘The worst of the rioting came just after dawn when police faced a hail of stones, iron bars and petrol bombs. The missiles were hurled from barricades of burning and upturned vehicles.’

The screen cut from a line of riot police to firefighters and police officers stepped down from duty, resting on a kerb as smoke billowed from the near distance. Then a burning building, a looted shop, police and firemen tending to a stricken officer. All of the footage originated from behind lines of dome-helmeted policemen, lending the inescapable impression that the authorities were under siege.

‘It began in Upper Parliament Street, one of the main roads out of the city centre, and ammunition was all around in derelict sites and empty houses. At daylight, police began a series of charges to break up the gangs massed in front of them. But as the rioters fell back they set fire to more buildings and sporadic looting that went on overnight was now widespread. Shop after shop was plundered and goods scattered around as the youths fled. And still the bricks, stones and lumps of iron were thrown and worst of all the petrol bombs.’

There was a pause for dramatic effect as footage cut to a fusillade of poorly aimed Molotov cocktails.

‘And against all this riot shields and visors were not enough. At least seventy policemen were injured and twelve are in hospital tonight. Most are suffering from head injuries.’

There was an interview with a policeman in a hospital bed, his face swollen by bruising. They watched firemen extinguish a car rammed into a tree and left abandoned. Pensioners were shown being carted from their homes in wheelchairs.

‘The trouble started about midnight when gangs of black youths began stoning cars in the streets. One owner said his windscreen was smashed and he was dragged from the car at gunpoint. Police had been standing by for trouble since Friday night when two officers were attacked when they tried to arrest a motorcyclist. But the rioters in Toxteth were well prepared for their battle with police. They carried with them a range of weapons including iron railings, chisels, clubs and sledgehammers.’

The makeshift arsenal was displayed before a solemn-faced senior police officer, who issued his own condemnation against the hooligans. At the end an unnamed black community leader was given his say.

‘What happened last night was just the eruption, if you like. We’ve been saying for a long, long time now that something has got to be done in terms of jobs, in terms of economic future, in terms of giving the black community some future in society.’

Twenty-four hours later Paul’s mother implored him not to go out to the Bunnymen gig, terrified that he would meet trouble, but Paul was insistent that he would be fine. ‘It’s a ghetto, Mum. You don’t go in, but they can’t come out.’

Only later did he appreciate that he spoke of the rioters as if they were foreign bandits, rather than sons and daughters of his own city.

* * *

Paul had seen Echo and the Bunnymen many times before: at the Palace ballrooms and the Royal Court; at Eric’s, before they closed it down. The band were obscure, or mostly unknown then, supported by legions of über-cool and in-the-know. Now they had just completed a triumphant American tour and entered the mainstream. The Bunnymen’s homecoming was a one-off, a celebration with their own of their new-found recognition and fame.

The friends convened at the Grapes, an old-fashioned pub with a narrow smoky parlour, on Renshaw Street. The pub was full of activity: men in suits getting gently drunk after a day in the office; red-faced workmen rehydrating on weak warm beer; and others, students, the young, the ineffably cool starting out on a night out, many also destined for the university. Sam took charge of ordering and passed pint glasses over heads to his friends, who had formed a circle in a corner. After a few minutes Julia joined them, pushing her way through the throng. Paul introduced her to Bulsara and Sam.

‘Chris has gone to find a tout,’ she explained.

‘We have tickets.’

‘We need another one – I brought my sister.’

‘I didn’t know you had a sister.’

She smiled at his surprise. ‘Just the one,’ she said. ‘Sarah. No brothers or any other shocks for you.’ She peered around the room. ‘I wonder where she is, actually.’

They talked about the riots; it was all anybody was talking about, and Paul grimly recalled his father’s simplification of the causes. ‘My Dad evoked Enoch Powell,’ said Bulsara, shaking his head, and Paul started to eviscerate the lazy stereotyping.

He became lost in his own monologue, and for a few seconds did not notice the arrival of Sarah, who stood beside them.

‘Hello,’ she said deliciously as he paused, recognising her presence. ‘Don’t let me stop you. I’m intrigued.’

It was the girl he had seen days earlier on the escalator, at the train station. Like her sister she had shiny black hair that tumbled upon narrow shoulders, luminous white skin, hazel eyes and thin lips that broke readily into a grin – at once hinting at an amusement or casual mocking. But she was tall, taller than her sister, and it brought a clumsiness to her demeanour. As she spoke, her head loped downwards, as if she were ducking under a low doorway. She wore brown jeans and a man’s T-shirt, black with a Manhattan skyscraper on the front. There was frailty about her too, which Paul couldn’t immediately get a handle on. Maybe it was her soft, slightly dopey voice that sounded as if she had just woken. Julia, Paul found attractive; but he felt his skin tingle with a different kind of ardour as he looked upon Sarah.

‘This is my sister,’ said Julia, putting her arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. ‘Sarah, this is my friend, Paul.’

She offered him her hand, which he took in his. ‘Very pleased to meet you,’ he said, shaking it. Her fingers were long, her skin cool.

‘Paul was just telling me about the riots,’ said Julia. Then she whispered in a voice loud enough for him to hear: ‘He’s so clever, Sarah. He’s the chap who’s heading off for Cambridge.’

They talked about the concert, gigs they’d seen, those they wanted to. ‘I’ve not been to that many,’ Sarah confessed.

‘It’s not such a cool thing to do when your mum’s there,’ Julia explained.

Sam spluttered on his beer. ‘You mean we might see yer ma’ later?’

‘She goes through phases,’ Sarah explained. ‘And there was her punk phase. I think it fascinated and appalled her. That’s why she went.’

‘She’s friends with Roger Eagle too,’ Julia added.

‘No way!’ said Paul. Eagle was a local legend, one of the proprietors of Eric’s, the lamented home of the city’s music scene. Clad in leather, and with a thick moustache dripping from his lip, he might have passed for Freddie Mercury. Everyone in the city knew who he was and he knew everyone that mattered. His role in the ascendancy of a score of local bands was already ingrained in the lore of Liverpool’s music scene.

‘Why not?’ Julia replied, icily, suddenly affronted that he questioned the veracity of her claim. Remembering the other Nadezhda; Nadezhda the poet, the public figure, Paul simply shrugged his shoulders. ‘Anyway,’ she continued snappily. ‘That was her thing for a while. It’s not now.’

Sarah was clutching a large, bronze-coloured ten-pound note. ‘Can I get some drinks for people?’ she asked. There was a nervousness in her voice and suddenly she seemed much younger, less urbane than her sister – even though they were separated by scarcely a year in age. The others gave their orders and as she made for the bar she whispered something to her sister to which Julia nodded. Paul watched them, guessing that she was unsure about something, that maybe she had never ordered a round of drinks before. After a minute he followed her across the parlour.

‘I thought I’d help you with those,’ he said, touching the small of her back.

‘Thanks,’ she said. It was busy around the bar, all beer breath and anticipation. Most of the workers were gone home now and the younger crowd had taken over. The atmosphere was good humoured and lively, far removed from the epicedian prophesies of the men on television, who proclaimed the city to be doomed and in the thrall of moral degradation.

‘I didn’t meant to doubt you before,’ he said, apologising clumsily. ‘I mean about your mum. She just doesn’t seem to be the type to be moshing and all that.’

Sarah laughed. ‘It was one of her fads, but she’s less reckless these days.’ She looked to the floor, then glancing up, smiled. ‘Most of the time, anyway.’

* * *

Outside Mountford Hall was a scrum of the ticketless and hopeful, vying for a way in. Shaven-headed men sold bootlegged T-shirts and posters from suitcases, while others hissed the stock phrase of the local tout: ‘Any spares mate?’

Inside it was hectic and sweltering, their feet stuck to spilt beer caramelised on the floor. On stage, roadies strummed guitars and patted microphones, carrying out the final parts of their sound check. Paul weaved his way to the front of the bar, re-emerging with five bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale.

The support band were all on stage now and announced themselves to the venue. No one paid much attention and most of the audience stood at the back of the hall, talking amongst themselves and drinking. Streams of people continued to enter and brows and upper lips prickled with sweat as the humidity neared saturation point.

When the first act finished they started to make their way towards the stage, meandering through the close-knit throng to gain a better view when the main event started. They were still fifteen feet from the stage, the crowd nine or ten thick, when Paul felt the back of his shirt go cold and wet. He turned and found himself facing a short man with a skinhead, his face bitter and nasty.

‘What you doing, knobhead?’ he snarled. ‘You spilt me drink.’

‘I never touched your drink,’ Paul replied coolly.

‘What you say, prick?’ The skinhead spat the words out at him. He was all bone and gristle, his eyes narrow expressionless slits. Paul felt a horrible anxiety rise within him. He had had fights before, at school, but he was no scrapper; no match for a wizened hard nut. He glanced around: Christopher had meandered on oblivious to the rising confrontation, but Sarah and Julia were there, and Sam too.

‘You being funny? Yer fuckin’ wool.’

Already it had come to this: a test of local credentials. A ‘wool’ referenced someone from outside the confines of Liverpool’s inner city; some extended it to the suburbs or the Wirral; and to others it referred to those properly out of town, like Wigan and Warrington, where the locals spoke differently and watched rugby league instead of football. It was all a big game that Paul sometimes, jokingly, played with cousins from Southport and Preston. But the closer you got to the heart of the city the more it meant. Here it was a form of inverted snobbery, a defence mechanism that meant, I’m more Scouse than you. You don’t belong here. You’re nothing.

‘I’m no wool and I didn’t spill your drink,’ Paul answered. He made to move past, but the skinhead interposed himself between Paul and the path he sought to take.

At this point Sam leant forward and with one of his plump pink hands shoved the skinhead forcefully in the chest and barked: ‘He said he never spilt your drink, now fuck off or I’ll get me crew onto you.’

The skinhead stepped back and looked up at Sam towering over him. One hand clasped onto his half-empty beer glass, the other was lodged inside his trousers.

Suddenly realising he was outnumbered, his voice assumed a defensive whine: ‘Don’t you touch me again. I got a blade down here.’

‘No you don’t,’ Sam guffawed, and with his laugh the tension seemed to melt away. ‘You’ve got your hand down your pants.’

‘I’ll fuckin’ stab you.’

‘Go on then,’ Sam goaded. ‘But you need to do something, ’cos if you keep playing with yourself like that you’ll go blind.’

‘I’m warning you,’ the skinhead stammered, trying to save face. Then he was gone, scurrying through the crowds like a rat in a tunnel and disappeared into the milieu.

‘Thanks for that,’ whispered Paul as they carried on their way. Sam just smiled.

When they reached Christopher, standing at the front barrier on his own, he was frowning, wondering where they had been.

‘Some little scrote kicked off on Paul,’ said Sam, then pointedly: ‘You’d already flounced off to the front.’

‘He said Paul had spilt his drink,’ said Julia.

‘He said he had a knife,’ Sarah added.

‘He had his hands down his pants,’ Paul said, dismissively. Moments earlier he was threatened, scared; ordinarily he would have left there and then, silently and ashamed. But in the presence of the girls he felt emboldened, a bravura rising.

The lights dimmed and a hush of anticipation filled the hall. Then the raucous opening notes of ‘Heaven up Here’ sounded and shouts and cheers erupted as light filled the stage to reveal the four band members. The crowd surged forward, pushing towards the front, and as the band reached the chorus it rocked up and down as one throbbing, ecstatic mass. They danced and cheered and swayed and waved, sweat pouring off revellers as they partied to a state of intoxication. Fainting girls were passed over heads, like pints in a pub, to the front and over barriers and safety, while Ian McCulloch, the Bunnymen’s singer, doused revellers with bottled water. Glasses and bottles occasionally came flying from the back of the auditorium, obliterating on some unfortunate’s head or shoulder.

The display of light and passion and music continued for ninety minutes. Then, as triumphantly as it had started, so the concert ended. The stage darkened to black and McCulloch shouted from the gloom to a chorus of cheers: ‘It’s great to be back! We love yers Liverpool!’

When they got outside, their clothes were stuck to their sweaty bodies and the girls’ long hair was macerated across their brows. Even on this balmy evening, compared to the broiling, airless auditorium it seemed liberatingly cool.

‘That was boss,’ said Sam. ‘Best one yet.’

‘Did you enjoy it?’ Paul asked the girls.

‘It was brilliant, Paul!’ said Sarah, beaming at him. Her expression was enthusiastic or exultant, and possibly eager to please. She was certainly beautiful, but in an unconventional way. Every time Paul looked at her he seemed to unpick another pigment of her loveliness. And every time he did, he felt a little more enraptured by her.

2

They headed to Le Bateau, a nightclub wedged into a row of old warehouses back down towards the waterfront, by the long-disused Victorian docks. Its exterior was dingy and unprepossessing, but once inside they were assailed by sweet French pop melodies and the hum of marijuana. In a dim corner, lit only by the sparkle of a glitter ball and the distant flicker of disco lights, Paul commandeered an old sofa and sat drinking beer as his friends took turns on the dancefloor.

‘I’m not a dancer,’ he laughed when Sarah asked him to step up and join them. Instead she took a seat next to him and they talked about their evening, music, books, school, friends – everything. She appeared to glow in front of him, her loveliness growing as the night wore old. ‘Did Julia tell you we’re having a party?’ she asked. This was news to Paul. How had he not come to hear about it? Had he been excluded?

‘No, she didn’t,’ he replied. ‘Maybe I’ll dance with you then.’ Then in a calculated show of self-deprecation, he added: ‘If, of course, I’m invited.’

She laughed. ‘Of course you are!’ She touched his leg, barely for a moment, an unconscious, spontaneous act to reassure him, but which left him prickling with desire.

When they left the club the city was quiet and sultry, but there were hints of unrest elsewhere. Taxis drove off empty when they said they wanted to go south to the girls’ home, and so they took the decision to walk them the five miles back.

‘I want to see this war zone for myself anyway,’ said Sam.

At Upper Parliament Street they saw the first signs of trouble. Two police cars, their lights flashing silently, were parked across the road, blocking it to other vehicles. A policeman was standing against one of the cars and as they made to walk past he stopped them and asked where they were going.

‘Grassendale?’ he repeated when Sarah told him. ‘Well you can’t come this way.’

‘Why not?’ Sam asked.

The policeman smiled darkly and gestured behind with his thumb. ‘World War Three has just broken out down the road again,’ he said.

‘It looks okay to me,’ said Sam.

‘Looks can be deceiving,’ replied the policeman. He was an unremarkable man, in his forties, of medium height and medium build with a pasty face; indeed, everything about him hinted at mediocrity, of being indistinguishable from a litany of other beat cops. But there was a lingering petulance in his manner.

‘I don’t see any reason why we can’t go that way,’ said Paul. ‘Why don’t you ask your boss in there?’ He gestured to another officer, an older man, napping in the front seat of the panda car.

‘He’s asleep, isn’t he?’ replied the policeman sullenly.

Paul slapped his hand on the roof of the car and the other officer woke with a start. ‘Oi,’ cried his colleague. ‘I could have you for that.’

The other policeman rubbed his face, momentarily confused, then wound his window down. ‘What’s going on, Bob?’ he asked.

‘These kids want to get to south Liverpool,’ he answered. ‘They’re being a nuisance, to be honest.’

The older policeman was slack-jawed and fat, his hair lank and thick with grease. He peered out from the darkened car, regarding the five friends with beady eyes. ‘The niggers have gone to bed, haven’t they? They’ll be all right.’

‘He said you can go on,’ said the other policeman with a shrug. But Julia stepped forward, her face reddened with anger.

‘What did you just say?’ she said, stammering angrily into the car.

The fat policeman turned to her and said nonchalantly, ‘I said the niggers have gone to bed, so you’ll be all right. Now run along home, love, ’cos it’s well past your bedtime.’

‘Come on, Jules,’ said Christopher, pulling her arm. But she stood firm.

‘What’s your number?’ she said. ‘I’m reporting you for racism.’

‘Who you going to report me to, love?’ he replied. ‘The chief constable?’

‘Yes,’ she replied firmly, and neither he nor the other policeman could suppress their smirks.

‘Well I’ve got news for you, love,’ he said. ‘I am the chief constable.’ With his colleague he burst into peals of laughter, a cruel hectoring laugh that echoed in their ears as Christopher pulled his girlfriend away from the policemen and along Upper Parliament Street.

Julia spat threats as they walked away, and her initial rage had scarcely subsided when they saw the first hints of earlier street battles. Strewn across the centre of the derelict street was a debris of broken glass and scattered masonry. A single, upturned boot lay in perfect symmetry to the road markings. Ahead of them was a solitary parked car, a blue-grey Talbot, its windows smashed in. Two burned-out shopfronts, fresh plywood nailed over their windows, stood as evidence of previous days’ battles.

They walked on the road as if the last people on earth, in silence for there was nothing to say. No one was around and the streets stood still and empty. A dog barked from a decrepit Georgian terrace that was no more than a hovel, its grandeur a long forgotten memory. Then, from the distance, came the blue flashing lights of a police van, which slowed as it neared and, as it passed, from within it came the piercing glare of a policeman. Otherwise they were uninterrupted by humanity.

As they cut due south, down Kingsley Road, the smell of smoke lingered in the air and the rubble on the street began to increase in volume. Where once there was a scattering of debris, now there were piles of rocks, shards of glass, bits of corrugated iron and wooden stacking pallets. They saw a burned-out car, then another and another. At the mouth of one side street was a medley of old vehicle carcasses, still smouldering, the carbonised remains fused into a barricade.

Another police patrol passed and a curtain flickered. A middle-aged man, black faced and broad nosed, stood watching, unsmiling as they passed, then the curtain flickered again and there was darkness. The tension in the air was palpable. When they spoke, they did so in whispers. Paul was sure they were being watched.

Then Sam cursed under his breath and they looked up. Fifty yards in the distance was the cause of the smoke: a row of shops – the remnants of a newsagents, a takeaway, a corner shop and a bookmakers – charred and smoking, the water used to extinguish the inferno dripping from its blackened remains. As they passed they saw the intensity of the rage that precipitated its destruction: the pavement was littered with broken glass and just within the burned-out shop was some of the rioter’s arsenal: a steel beer barrel; a shopping trolley; pieces of fencing; a car tyre.

They hurried on. Although the place was desolate, there seemed to be danger in the air, an unspoken, silent threat.

They turned onto Devonshire Road, along the northern fringes of Princes Park. Everything around them was still, framed in the orange street light like a flashlit photograph. Slumbered in the distance by a park bench was a vagrant, somehow shivering for warmth on this balmy evening. Christopher glowered with distaste. But as they got closer they saw that it was a boy, perhaps three or four years younger than them, his body shaking with tears. Against his head he held a rag and blood seeped through from his black skin.

The boy coughed, and with tears in his voice said, ‘It was the pigs, man, it was the fuckin’ bizzies.’

‘What police? Where’ve you come from?’ Sam knelt down beside him and got the boy to lift the rag from his head. It was a balled-up jumper and wet with blood. The left side of his temple was split open down to his eyelid. Sam recoiled when he saw the depth of the wound. ‘Shit. You need to get to hospital, lad.’

‘I can’t,’ he cried. ‘I can’t. The bizzies, man. They’ll fuckin’ kill me.’ His accent was much thicker than their gentle inflections.

‘What’s your name?’ Paul asked. ‘What happened to you?’

He looked at them uncertainly. ‘I’m not saying, lad. The bizzies, man.’

‘We’ll help you,’ said Christopher, kneeling down too. ‘Don’t worry about the police. We won’t grass.’ He put his hand on the boy’s shoulder and, after a moment, it seemed to calm him down.

‘We’d gone along ’cos it was all kickin’ off, but we just wanted to see for ourselves,’ he said. ‘We never wanted no trouble,’ he told them. Nothing much had happened all afternoon, but when night came things changed. ‘It was dead hot and boring till then. Then these lads, proper bad lads like, started booting this car. They were jumpin’ up and down on it, kickin’ the windows, then they set it on fire, then boom! The whole thing went up. It was boss.’

He was animated now, gesturing with his hands, forgetting about the scar on the front of his head as he gesticulated and recalled what had happened that day. He described how police vans came, but a barricade of burning cars and bins were put across the top of the road. ‘They just stood watching us for ages, like. And these lads were goin’ proper bonkers, just wreckin’ everything – cars, houses, the lot. They started throwing bricks at the police, then petrol bombs. The police regrouped and brought in reinforcements. Then it all went mental. They fired this bomb thing at us and no one could see or breathe. It was choking us.’ He described how the police came in with their sticks, storming past the smouldering barricades and swinging their batons and shields like centurions sacking an enemy encampment. ‘I couldn’t see nothin’ ’cos of the gas, then BANG, something hit me. It just knocked the fuckin’ air out of me. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t breathe. Me head was wreckin’, but all I could think about was where’s me brother and where’s the fuckin’ pigs. So I fuckin’ legged it as fast I could, which wasn’t very fast, and when I saw the park I hid here. I thought I’d be able to get home, but I dunno where I am now, like.’ He dabbed his head with his hand again and let out a sob.

In the distance they could hear a siren, and the boy staggered to his feet.

‘The fuckin’ bizzies are coming for me. They’re fascists, man. They done this to me just ’cos I’m black.’ The siren got louder. ‘I gotta go.’ He started limping pathetically towards the bushes. Sam made to follow him, but the boy cried, ‘Leave me alone! I gotta go! I gotta go!’ He pushed his way into the bushes and they could hear the crack of undergrowth. Sam walked back to the road holding up his hands in defeat, as if to say what can I do?

‘We can’t leave him!’ Julia shouted.

‘What can we do?’ said Christopher sharply. ‘I’m not traipsing around some park looking for him when he doesn’t want our help anyway.’

‘I don’t believe you.’ Her voice filled with irritation and disgust. ‘Hello! HELLO!’ But there was no reply, not even the shuffle of undergrowth and leaves.

They left the boy and carried on their way. When they reached Aigburth Road, the main thoroughfare that passed through the south of the city, normality started to return to the streets. There were no battle scars, no remains or debris of discarded missiles. Traffic passed with the usual intermittence of the early morning.

When a taxi approached from the distance, Paul beckoned it.

‘Any chance you’ll take us to the north side of the city?’ he asked, more in hope than expectation.

‘Yeah, why not?’ said the driver. ‘The police are knobheads, aren’t they? Fuck ’em. Get in, we’ll find a way through.’

They dropped the girls off at their cavernous old villa, then went back on themselves, along Aigburth Road, then through the Dingle, a panoply of sloped terraced streets running downhill towards the riverside. The driver searched for a viable route along the old backstreets and suddenly they were on Wapping, the thoroughfare that divided the centre from the old disused docks. The driver picked up speed and they raced past the Three Graces and along the potholed dock road, rattling around the back of the old cab.

Paul closed his eyes, a sudden fatigue and confusion of feelings overpowering him. Liverpool left him perplexed. He loved the vibrancy of its people, its culture of music, drink and football, but other things left him cold. He feared its insidious side: the sudden, unexpected dangers; the random, often motiveless violence; the disrepair and anarchy.

He was tired, for it was late and the end of a long, boozy evening. But he felt alive too; excited and beguiled by these strange and beautiful girls. He wanted to know everything about them. Above all, he wanted Sarah.

There was also a certain lingering fear that this elation would be short-lived. Results day, the end of summer, university all neared – would it all end there? He opened his eyes again and watched the passing warehouses, the dockers’ pubs and Catholic churches, the heaps of old rubbish that faded into a blur as the taxi roared northwards. A sudden clarity washed over his mind. There was no confusion when he thought about it, just an unexpected, overwhelming joy.

3

On Tuesday Paul returned into Liverpool, crossing the tatty shopping district and making his way past the imposing neo-Grecian esplanade of St George’s Hall and into the Picton Room of the city’s Central Library. It was a hot day, but the reading room was cool and airy. He had with him his university reading list, a long and seemingly impenetrable inventory ordered alphabetically so that he was unsure at which point he should start. There were a few others like him; serious-looking adolescents seeking a head start when they went to university. At one desk a tramp idled, his fingernails thick with dirt. At another a man of around fifty, bespectacled and with a gleaming bald head, fingered through some Victorian ledgers. On the other side of the room, children played in amongst the stacks, the timbre of their laughs echoing in the glass domed roof.

Paul selected a couple of volumes and picked a desk. The readers’ pews were arranged in large circular terraces that dipped down like an amphitheatre into the centre of the room, where more shelving and the indexing system lay. He opened Constitutional Law: An Introduction on its title page. It had a rich, musty smell and its pages were brittle and stained yellow. He flicked through, uncertain what he was looking for, and became lost in its dense academic prose. His mind drifted and he turned to its index and searched through, looking for a reference he might find interesting or relevant, but there was nothing and he realised he was wasting his time.

He rose from his seat and circled the room, seeking out the history section. The children were gone now and the reading room was quiet, save for the occasional rustle of pages and chairs groaning as they rubbed against the floor.

Modern history captivated him. The Twentieth Century. The age of extremes. He devoured books and documentaries on its excesses. Even though he was living through it, its complexities and savage turns fascinated and obsessed him. So many dreadful things had taken place and yet so much remained unsaid. He wanted to unravel its intricacies and hidden truths, to bear witness himself to some of the extremes of the human condition. To document it in some way.

His aspiration to somehow do so as a career remained largely unspoken. He didn’t know how to articulate such an ambition. People Paul knew simply didn’t do that sort of thing; they became teachers and office workers and insurance salesmen and nurses and, like his own father, tax inspectors. Who worked in the world’s danger zones anyway? The military, parts of the media, human rights observers, NGOs, and charities. He had no desire to be a soldier and no idea how to enter any of these other professions. And so his dreams went unarticulated.

He picked out a photo book commemorating the thirtieth anniversary of the D-day landings and at his desk flicked through the volume. It was all men with brilliantined hair, sitting atop ruined gun emplacements and flicking victory signs. Tommies were seen relaxing in captured pillboxes. Everybody seemed to be smoking. The men’s faces were framed in expressions of relief and hope, but there was little hint at their earlier ordeals.

Paul replaced it on its shelf and meandered around the room, circling its shelf-lined terraces until he descended into its centre. He had no reason to be there but felt trapped by his inertia and the sense that he should be doing something.

Then his eye caught a word that normally elicited little interest, but for once Paul felt drawn to the shelves: ‘Poetry’.

He worked his way along the shelves and there, on the third one up from the floor, next to works by Stevie Smith and Stephen Spender, were three volumes bearing the name of Nadezhda Semilinski.

He returned to his desk with the books; two slim collections, Arrival and Detachment, and a larger Collected Poems.

He studied the dust jacket of Arrival. Like the other two volumes it bore a plain cover showing only her name and its title, but on the jacket’s reverse was a full-page photograph: a pale-faced woman, dark haired and in early middle age, powerful and distinguished, looking wistfully into space. It was published in 1962, the same year Julia was born. There was a brief biography:

Nadezhda Semilinski was born in Austria and moved to England following the war. She contributes to Orbis, Fringe and the London Magazine. This is her first collection.

Detachment, the second volume, came five years later. It bore the same photograph, virtually the same scanty biographical details, no hint at what the volume contained, no clues as to the writer’s inner life. Collected Poems was more recent, published in 1973. There was a new photograph and Nadezhda looked older, still beautiful, but sallow and withdrawn, her eyes cast down.

Paul opened Arrival and searched its contents. There were just forty poems and they possessed titles like ‘Roots’, ‘The Weight of Absence’ and ‘The New Town’. They all seemed to speak of being an alien in a strange place. He turned to ‘Holborn 10.03’ and read of a young girl:

Roaming and alone

Disconnected in every way

from these people

With their purposeful strides

and busy lives

‘The Matinee’ told of witnessing at a cinema a desolate and poverty-stricken Vienna, carved up between outside powers. The city seemed alien to the place she had once known; Paul recognised the film as The Third Man.

To him there seemed to be an acute sadness at the city’s fate and her absence from it, but gladness that she was able to see it nonetheless. She concluded:

But today,

through celluloid on canvas,

I can see Vienna from here,

The city of my birth,

from this distant shore

I washed up on