Unfolding Grace E-Book

Christopher Murphy

• Herausgeber: novum pro Verlag
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 594

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Roar Moerk is on the nefarious path – a deceitful entrepreneur, drinker and adulterer. He collapses in the early hours of New Year's Day 2000, with near fatal consequences, warily his partner, Elisabeth, stays to aid him through his trauma. As he recovers, Roar 'dreams' it is the 1st January 1900, and he is Grace Lightfoot - housekeeper to industrialist George Darcaster, who violently rapes her ultimately sending her to a back-street abortionist. Richard Billings, a wise bookseller, comes to her deliverance in more ways than one. As Grace changes and her life evolves, Roar's self-fuelled illusions gradually fall away and he also embarks on a new path in life. Unfolding Grace follows the lives of Grace and Roar to explore the true meaning of life and uncover humankind's damaging illusions.

Leseprobe

Imprint

All rights of distribution, also through movies, radio and television, photomechanical reproduction, sound carrier, electronic medium and reprinting in excerpts are reserved.

© 2023 novum publishing

ISBN print edition: 978-3-99131-653-4

ISBN e-book: 978-3-99131-654-1

Author: Christopher Murphy

Secondary Editing: Roderick Pritchard-Smith

Cover images: Elena Shitikova, Minnystock, Vadym Lavra, Oriontrail | Dreamstime.com

www.novum-publishing.co.uk

Foreword

The ensuing story is just what it is, not simply a fable to entertain, it is a tale that simultaneously asks questions and explores the possibilities of another way of living. Could there be a different narrative of what creation (meaning human temporal life as we here on Earth comprehend it, the question of the ‘afterlife’, and what may lie beyond) is and how it actually works? It explores what may be discovered if we delve a little deeper inside ourselves, to see, realize and experience the prospect of being more than simply human, living in a way that is more connected and aligned to the All that constitutes the Universe, way beyond the level at which most of us are presently doing. We have an immeasurable untapped capacity for soulful living that offers an expansive, more-than-human evolution and a return to what may be our true state of being.

“The Kingdom of God is within.’’

Yeshua

This quote is simply saying that everything (Universal Wisdom) is there, available for everyone, all the time, passing through and alive within every particle of our (all of us) being. Each and every one of our particles contains the ‘Kingdom of God’, if we are present and connected to and with ourselves does this then give us access to the All that is? This book contemplates what such an opportunity might look and feel like, that is, the journey from where we are now back to being in alignment with the All that Universal Wisdom is.

Chapter 1 – New Year’s Day 2000

As he stumbled and mumbled through the deep recently fallen powdery snow, Roar again attempted to recall the events from the previous evening at the much-hyped New Year’s Eve party marking the beginning of this promising new century. He felt that he knew exactly why he found it difficult to remember the details from last night’s festivities, any of the conversations he had taken part in or with whom and now, why he was here alone, his head throbbing, trudging through the thirty-centimetre deep snow on Skiphelle Beach at 6.30 am on the first day of the first month, of the much-vaunted new year, 2000.

What had happened at the grand centenary celebration? All he could feel was a sense of dread and that sinking feeling that came upon him every time he had, once again, overdone it with the booze. Where was his beautiful partner, Elisabeth? He knew deep down that she loved him and would never normally leave him to wander alone in his current state. That was the unspoken part of the arrangement within their pseudo-relationship – he would drink too much at social events and she would usher him away before he could do too much damage, often driving him home and cajoling him into bed before his antics went too far.

It was still several hours before the coming of the rising sun would end this long winter night. As the small crescent moon shone along with the star-filled sky reflecting on the blanket of pristine white snow. It was minus fourteen degrees, Roar Moerk was comparatively lightly dressed so he was now starting to feel the impact the cold and his own self-disregard was having on his body. He stopped in his tracks knowing it was time to do something about it, somewhere from within his befuddlement he decided he would call a taxi, go home and speak with Elisabeth.

It was quite dangerous to be outside in these low temperatures in a state of inebriation without the protection of proper multi-layered winter clothing. He felt quite numb but had no thoughts for his own safety. He looked quizzically down at his gloved hands and noticed again the hole in the thumb of his right-hand glove, a two-by-one-centimetre burn hole and his thumb within was reddened and felt quite tender to the touch. Pulling off the glove to take a closer look, Roar suddenly felt light-headed, the ground began to spin, there was no longer any pain as his body pitched lifelessly forward, headfirst into the soft deep powdery snow.

Roar Moerk was Norwegian born in Droebak, a small-picturesque town that many would consider only to be a village, situated approximately forty kilometres south of the capitol, Oslo, on the eastern coast of the Oslo fjord. At the age of thirty-nine, one hundred and eighty-eight centimetres tall, relatively attractive with sandy brown hair and deep blue eyes, he had never married and had no children, that he was aware of, and didn’t really want to have any. Roar had never been a driven career minded man, more a lackadaisical opportunist that fell into his undertakings but seemed to have a talent for choosing mostly successful ventures when he did so. Quirkily charming in his own way, he always had a twinkle in his eyes, his broad smile was never far away and almost always knowing how to take the edge off a situation with his perfectly timed disarming comments. Outwardly charming but inwardly deceptive, there wasn’t anything he did, even if it seemed to be helping someone out, that wasn’t for himself, for his own personal gain. As far as Roar was concerned, he was number one and deservedly so, if a task didn’t ultimately bring him more recognition, sexual favours or wealth then it was not a task he would consider doing.

He and Elisabeth owned a luxurious three-bedroom apartment in an expensive modern complex just north to the centre of town. Parked outside was a brand-new Audi A6 2.8 Quattro for him and a small Peugeot 205 that Elisabeth had bought back in 1995. Roar also owned a spacious ten-bed ski lodge in the mountains at Hemsedal, purchased from the proceeds attained from the sale of his shares of an investment in an Information Technology company just before the announcement of a profit warning occurred, dramatically crashing the share price.

Roar was the only child of Harald and Solveig Moerk. Solveig loved him dearly and had spent many years of her life providing for his every whim. She would literally do anything for him, give him anything he asked for, spoiling him completely.

A devoted housewife and mother, Solveig met Harald at college and it was the first real relationship for both of them, they both knew immediately that this was the partner they were looking for. Harald was tall, determined and strong willed, he knew exactly what he wanted, he was in control and he needed a relationship where he was the boss. Solveig had always been quite timid and unsure of herself, she had shied away from any attention, she found it hard to be decisive and allowed her parents to control her life. When Harald came along, dominant, so similar to her father, she just knew she needn’t look any further. She could escape the confines of her family home and set up her own nest with Harald who would always provide for her. He was so sure and dependable, that’s what she loved most about him.

Harald had spent his whole working career at the same local bank from the day he left college to the day he retired, early, as the manager of the branch. He was completely dedicated to the bank; it was his first and only true love. His other loves came in the following order, checking in with his broker regarding his share investments, steak and red wine for dinner, golf at least three times per week and now after retirement every day possible, cigars and cognac, gardening around the retirement villa in Spain, evening strolls along the beach with Solveig, oh, and a bi-monthly catch-up with Roar if he was available.

They would also spend six weeks at their summer cabin in Stavern, situated in southeastern Norway. It was, in reality a complete change from their villa in Spain having very few, basic facilities which included an external, primitive composting toilet where you throw a few handfuls of sawdust down the hole after completing your deposit. On the other hand, it was situated on a large plot of land in much sought-after, idyllic and secluded spot close to the water’s edge with its own private beach and small jetty. Being at the cabin meant indulging in the simple life for six weeks of the year in an area of Norway that often has beautiful summer weather, although it can be pretty dreary if the rain sets in for a few days or even weeks. Harald would spend hours fishing off their small wooden jetty or bobbing around in the little family dingy whilst Solveig busied herself with cleaning, washing and preparing the meals in-between hours of sunbathing with her stack of magazines and romantic books close by.

Harald and Solveig rarely spent much time together in conversation, it was just the way it always had been, they got on with their own interests and responsibilities, it was an unwritten agreement. Even when they were together at mealtimes and in the evenings, they rarely spoke to each other more than a few words about the weather or other practical issues, Solveig immersed herself in chores around the house whilst Harald read the newspapers, puffed on his cigar and watched the evening news on TV. Outwardly it seemed idyllic, very settled, a well-to-do couple with everything they needed – great pension, early retirement, beautiful villa in Spain, even now they had only just turned sixty-five, what more could anyone wish for?

They each had their own bedroom and rarely shared the same bed, making love had never been very exciting, more clumsy, uncomfortable and often embarrassing for both of them. Rather than discuss how they could make it better, both had kept their thoughts internalized and inwardly decided it best to retreat into their own worlds, their own private closed-off bubbles of safety and security. The idyllic life is not always what it seems to be.

As a child Roar was often left to his own devices, even when he was quite young, as his mother busied herself around the house making everything just perfect, spotless and dust free with not a single item out of place, except for Roar’s room where everything was chaotic, just the way he liked it. When it became too messy, he would feign a headache or a tummy upset and convince his mother to make it all better again, including putting every one of the strewn items back into place. This continued until the day he left for university in the city of Bergen on the west coast of Norway. Being a very bright, observant child, he soon learned that his devoted mother could be easily manipulated, Roar abused this knowledge, ruthlessly bamboozling her at any opportunity. He became accomplished and persuasive in the ways of deceit and manipulation. In the end, he could convince almost anyone that black was white and was able to sell a story or product almost at will.

Roar was pampered and soon became very entitled, expecting everything he wished for even before he asked to have it. Self-serving, self-indulgent, narcissistic, over-privileged and arrogant he expected to be the centre of attention. He soon learned from the way he treated his mother how to treat all women, they were for his convenience or pleasure, to be used and discarded at will, he conveyed an almost complete lack of respect. As the years went by, he learned how to disguise his disrespect behind his charm, but it would always shine through in the end. For two decades Roar had played the field to become a specialist in one-night-stands and short-lived romantic relationships. He left many sad and disappointed young ladies in the wake of his almost unfailing charisma. Eventually, the word of his deceitfulness spread and his infamy often entered the room before he did.

He didn’t see his father very much at all and never really developed any sort of close relationship with him. There was always a cool, almost emotionless distance between them. For Roar it never occurred to him to miss his absent father, he invariably had his mother diligently standing by, thus he and his father became completely ambivalent to each other.

Roar’s latest venture that started five years earlier along with his childhood friend Anders, was a rapidly expanding Information Technology company based in the centre of Oslo which was proving to be very profitable as the IT market seemed to be in exponential growth. It was a project that consumed much of his time. Due to the excellent market conditions the company had already grown rapidly, currently employing twenty-five people and expecting to double in size during the next two years. They were focussed on the field of Rapid Application Development Solutions at a time when many large companies and organisations were in the process of converting their legacy system to modern technological platforms.

Roar was a busy man, doing all the things he wanted to do, living the life he wanted to live. In between unavoidable breaks caused by his small physical niggles and injuries, he was addicted to working out at the gym, running in the forest during the warmer months and participating in winter sports when the snow was on the ground, alpine skiing and ice-skating being his preferred activities. The winter season in the Norwegian mountains could start in early November and last until the end of April, which meant many weekend trips, including early Friday finishes to beat the weekend traffic exodus, with often late Monday morning or even afternoon starts.

Working late, he and his colleagues often ordered take-away food and drink. On other occasions they would attend late afternoon and evening meetings in the bars and restaurants close to the office in and around the centre of Oslo. His office was also equipped with a very large and comfortable sofa that he sometimes used after a late night at the office and particularly when they had had a few drinks at one of the local bars.

Recently there had been more late nights, more drinks with colleagues, more overnight stays on the office sofa or at one of the local hotels as often happens during Christmas party season in the city, which stretches from November to January. It all started on Friday, December 8th1999, after they closed the office early at 4pm, with all twenty-five members of staff, having drinks and finger food as a precursor to the evening’s traditional Christmas dinner at Det Gamle Raadhus (The Old Town Hall) restaurant just around the corner from the office.

As the drink flowed and the sound of conversation escalated, Roar popped back into his office to finish off the last few emails before closing down his computer. Anneli, one of his lead developers, knocked and entered without waiting for a reply. It was 6.30pm and they would be leaving for the restaurant in fifteen minutes. They had both felt the attraction to each other but so far had never acted on it as they knew from experience the amount of damage an affair could cause, the fact that they both were in committed long-term relationships and had been for several years, not that it would normally stop Roar from trying his hand at any opportune moment.

Anneli, now a little more uninhibited due to the four glasses of red wine and two shots of aquavit, advanced provocatively towards Roar and stood just a few centimetres from him, held both his cheeks and gently urged him up from his chair until they stood face to face. With her high stiletto heels on she was exactly the same height as Roar. “I’m going to have you tonight,’’ she whispered brushing her lips over his ear, turned and slowly swaggered out of his office again.

Roar sat back into his office chair for a while contemplating their interaction and feeling the disturbance and the excitement within himself. He had imagined many times what it would be like with Anneli, she was tall and athletic with olive skin, jet black hair and intense dark brown eyes. She had a feline, slinky, sexy way of moving and a stunning smile, she was also twelve years his younger. There had often been furtive glances between them during the past eighteen months that she had been part of the team, but he had always suppressed the urge to make advances or flirt with her, this time he knew there was nothing that would stop him availing himself of such a wicked opportunity.

In his mind he was already calculating and constructing his excuses for not returning home after the Christmas party – excuses that he knew Elisabeth would never believe but would accept as she always did. He could see her face in front of him now, those penetrating blue eyes that knew him better than he knew himself, that simply asked him for the truth. He knew somewhere deep inside himself that Elisabeth wanted only the best for him, that she actually knew his every move and through that brought an innate knowing to him, but he stubbornly refused to accept it. He thought to himself, ‘How can it be that I know so well the obvious sensible choice and yet at the same time want the exact opposite that may cause hurt and confusion both for myself and for my partner?’ He knew that this evening he would once again betray Elisabeth and by doing so betray himself, the excitement outweighed the honesty and the truth. He quickly replied to the last email of the week, switched off his computer and walked out of his office and into the party.

He texted Elisabeth to say that something urgent had come up, wrote something about a large contract in Trondheim. He would have to return to the office after the party was over as he needed to complete the work which would take him well into the night.

Elisabeth knew what was in the message even before she opened the text, she could feel the energy of it as she knew Roar’s selfish ways only too well. She had reached a point where she no longer had any real expectations, knowing that he would just continue his egocentric lifestyle with no true regard for her or anyone else. She needed to look after herself now and make the changes that would bring joy and harmony to her own life, with or without Roar.

She knew somewhere deep inside him there was a beautiful tender man screaming to be heard, but he was so consumed with self-interest, recognition and personal and material wealth that she doubted she would ever see the true Roar. She deleted the message without answering, switched off her phone, returned to her book and mug of hot chocolate and decided she would have a lovely hot bubble bath and turn in early for the night.

The party ended as it was always going to. Instead of returning to the office, Roar and Anneli booked into the Plaza Hotel for the night. After each making separate exits from the party, they met up in the hotel foyer. Roar didn’t look once at his phone to check if Elisabeth had replied to his message. Both intoxicated, they fumbled through a quite forgettable twenty minutes of attempted sexual activity before quickly falling into a zombie-like alcohol induced sleep. Awaking at 9.30 the next morning, both with pounding headaches, they ordered breakfast via room service with a side-order of paracetamol. After consuming the food and tablets they began to feel more alive again which led to a much more successful sexual encounter that started in the bedroom, by way of the shower and back into the bed. By the time they came up for air midday was already behind them and they knew it was time to leave, returning to their individual partners and whatever versions of guilt, if any, they chose to carry with them.

Since the day of the office Christmas party, they had tried to meet in stealth as often as possible which unsurprisingly, yet tantalizingly, had been a lot of fun and excitement for both. Lies seemed to come easily for both Anneli and Roar, they invented a project that they worked on together, needing to work extra-long hours to get it completed. This required staying in Oslo at least two nights per week, perhaps three, and sometimes even working on Saturdays. They were regulars at the Plaza, eating dinner at the restaurant and spending hours in sexual exploration in the hotel bedroom. Even when they didn’t stay the whole night, they would book the room for four hours then make their way home late in the evenings. Of course, they kidded themselves they were doing this undetected but in reality, they knew that their partners and indeed their co-workers would and consequently did ‘smell a rat’.

New Year’s Eve

Elisabeth had always been very observant. Knowing Roar as she did, she knew full well he was seeing someone else, it was impossible not to know, there were literally dozens of signs. His every movement gave him away, his every expression and every word that came out of his mouth spouted untruths. She continued to consider her options for a new single life, the whole relationship with him had prepared her for this process and she was astonished to feel how calm she was and how simple it would be.

She could even pinpoint when his most recent bout of indiscretion had all started – the text on the night of his company Christmas party; she felt it then and she could feel it now. But tonight was not the moment, they were after all about to attend the New Year’s Eve party. All their friends and everyone in the town had been waiting for this special evening – parties everywhere, along with the most colossal fireworks display that had ever been seen in Droebak.

Roar was very chirpy as they prepared themselves for the party, getting showered and ready for the event. Elisabeth had not had a drink for the last two months; she had never been very keen on either the taste or the effect of alcoholic beverages and no longer seeing any reason to continue had decided to stop drinking completely. She had spent many hours at the local yoga studio during the past two years and in December had practiced every day for at least two hours. Her body felt great, very trim and slender although she had always looked after herself, and now at thirty-four she looked better than ever, the few tiny wrinkles in the corners of her eyes only enhancing the beauty that shone from within. Lately she had been feeling that there must be more to this life than the way she was currently living, that although Roar had treated her well previously, she now felt that his level of disregard for her was beyond uncomfortable, even abusive and could no longer tolerate it, as to do so was to accept the abuse. She needed to love and respect herself which she could not do inside this out-of-balance disrespectful arrangement that their relationship had become.

Roar, on the other hand had already opened a bottle of his favourite full-bodied Amarone red wine and with over half the bottle already consumed he was well on his way to another forgettable evening. Or was he? As he sipped on his wine, he recalled his meeting and the heated, passionate sex with Anneli the previous night. She really was athletic and resourceful in so many ways, and he was intoxicated with excitement just at the thought of her. He wished he could be with her this evening, and he knew she felt the same way. The more time they spent together the more they seemed to melt together in their lovemaking. It felt perfect, open, physical, non-verbal, exciting and frantic, they couldn’t get enough of each other, just the thought of her ignited his desire and lust.

As Elisabeth stood in the shower shampooing her hair, she heard the bathroom door open, and Roar came in. During the last month he had shown no interest in her, nor attempted to have any physical contact. They had rarely seen each other let alone been naked together. All these were tell-tale signs of his current encounter with infidelity.

Roar took off his clothes and entered the shower behind her and without saying a word took both her breasts in his hands, squeezed far too hard and pressed himself forcibly against her from behind. She froze as feelings of disgust washed over her whole body; feeling quite startled she had a knee-jerk reaction, lifted up her foot and stamped her heel down on his toes. Roar was shocked, more from her reaction rather than the pain in his right foot.

“Please do not touch me,’’ she said regaining her calm. “Get out of the shower and use the other bathroom now, please go!’’

He hobbled quickly out of the shower, out of the bathroom with his proverbial tail between his legs. He knew she knew what he was doing and had known about the other times too, but usually accepted or pretended to accept his thoughtlessness and disregard, but she would always succumb to his arrogant expectations. This time was very different, there seemed to be a new strength about her demeanor, a steel in her voice. It was different for Roar too, as he couldn’t get enough of the physicality with Anneli.

Beyond the feeling of hurt and disgust and that she had actually been violent towards him for the first time ever, Elisabeth was pleasantly surprised at the power and steadfastness of her own conviction, the certainty of a better, more truthful way of living was pulsing through her body, a feeling that she could shed the shackles of her past self-demeaning ways and live what ought to be a more forthright, self-loving way, not just in the future, but right here and right now. She felt the attachment to being in relationship with Roar candidly melting away, she felt her own self-respect growing stronger and an inner glow of love for herself spreading out from the centre of her heart. This, she knew, was the starting point for her to begin living her life in full, not in subservience or controlled by the whims of anyone else.

Both now ready for the party of the century, as it was being billed in the auspices of their little town, they stood in the hallway putting on their winter layers and winter boots. It had snowed all day and now that the skies had cleared, the outside temperature was dropping rapidly. Minus ten, at the moment and probably much colder later, it was going to be bitterly cold at midnight when they would be standing outside watching the grand fireworks display. Roar, wearing a black suit, white shirt and dashing blue paisley tie pulled on his navy-blue cashmere overcoat which would generally keep him warm moving from one house to another but not for standing outside in the freezing cold for thirty minutes or more drinking champagne and watching a fireworks display. He had packed a backpack, which was commonplace when attending parties in the Norwegian wintertime; his essential contents were; two bottles of Amarone red wine, one bottle of Bollinger rose champagne, one- half bottle of Rémy Martin XO cognac, a pack of ten Cuban Montecristo cigars, one pack of cedar cigar matches and one lighter, one pair of black brogues and the most essential New Year’s Eve accompaniment, a large pack of extra fireworks for their own private display. Boys, and men, do love to play with their fireworks.

Elisabeth, looking absolutely stunning, impeccably made-up and in her figure hugging, thigh length, deep blue woolen winter dress with black stockings and black leather boots, her thick, blond, chin-length, bobbed hair under her Russian style fur hat and a long faux fur coat, had also packed a bag with several extra layers for the outside activities later in the evening: the usual set of accessories, makeup, lip gloss, hair brush, perfume, shiny blue patent leather stiletto heeled shoes, adorned with sparkling diamond-like sequins and two bottles of her favourite San Pellegrino sparkling water, also making sure to pack her own set of keys and not to depend on Roar in any way.

They waited for the taxi to pick them up at the pre-arranged time of 8pm. Roar, who had been watching Elisabeth intently, still a little uncomfortable with the previous exchange in the shower, chanced a flattering comment in a vain attempt to get into her good books, “You look so beautiful tonight, Elisabeth.’’

“Thank you Roar,’’ she replied confidently, curtly saying, “I know, I am stunning, am I not?’’

Slightly taken aback and for once completely lost for words by the power and confidence she radiated as she claimed her own beauty, Roar then stood in silence for the next five minutes until the taxi arrived.

The party was being held at a local community hall and over one hundred fifty people would be attending. It was to be a friends and friends of friends’ party, so most of their local friends and acquaintances would be attending. The ticket price of eight hundred Norwegian krone per person included a three-course meal with limited wine, beer and water during the meal. If you wanted any other drinks they would have to be brought in as the hall did not have a bar. Included in the price of the ticket was the music played by the local disc jockey.

There would also be a magnificent firework display at midnight down in the town centre, at the local harbour which would be launched from specially prepared barges outside the harbour walls. The display which would be free of charge, had been privately funded through donations, and would also be visible from outside the community hall, although anyone who wished for a closer view could make the short journey down to the harbour.

Elisabeth Lysne had now been in a relationship with Roar for almost six years. She had grown up in Droebak and had known who Roar was for many years before they became lovers. She knew him to be a well-known charmer, player, ladies’ man, wannabe playboy, his reputation was known to the whole town. When he had first approached her, she rejected him immediately, but he was relentless. She had never known anyone so persistent, he never gave up, no matter how many times she said no. In the end, after nine months of his unrelenting offensive, he had worn down her resistance to the point that she gave in to his charm, even though she knew his reputation full well. He convinced her that he would change for her, that she was the one he had been waiting for. And it was, in the beginning. He was so attentive, loving and considerate and would do anything for her and wanted to spend as much time as he possibly could with her. She fell in love with him and believed that he had changed.

After two years of dating, travelling to exotic destinations, experiencing different cultures, they agreed to commit to each other and live together. They bought an apartment, moved in together and she realized it was at this point that his attention for her gradually changed. He slowly became more easily distracted and throughout the next four years they had many discussions, debates and arguments as to what was expected in their relationship. In the end it was as if they were from two different planets, two entirely different perspectives on what a relationship should be. It seemed that after he had ‘captured’ her heart with his charms it was as if he now felt that he could deposit her in the apartment and then go off and do exactly as he wanted with no regard for how she felt about it.

They had such different interests: Elisabeth liked to communicate, meditate, exercise with gentle yoga classes, read and walk in the countryside, along the coast or in the mountains. Roar liked fast moving winter sports, football, running and lifting weights at the gym. He had shown some interest in Elisabeth’s pastimes and hobbies early on in the relationship but that quickly waned, and he was focused more and more on all the activities he wanted to do as well as his business and socializing with his friends and colleagues.

They had tried for a while to find enjoyment in each other’s interests. Elisabeth would travel up to the cabin in Hemsedal with Roar along with some of his friends and their partners. Though not keen on alpine sports she would join them on the slopes to ski but would quickly be left behind and discarded as they exercised their well-honed skills with no regard for her novice level of skiing competence. In the end it became boring and lonely to be with them skiing and partying in the mountains. They would all join the raucous after-ski partying and get drunk almost every evening, having nonsensical conversations about nothing in particular. Eventually, Roar would go skiing most weekends during the winter and Elisabeth would stay at home or attend yoga classes or travel to the odd weekend yoga or meditation retreat. He worked during the week, sometimes staying over at the office and most weekends they would do their own thing in their own places. They saw each other less and less, hardly ever communicating anything of consequence, until they arrived at this current place in time, in what looked very much like the end of the line.

Winding the clock onward four years until the present moment and this is where they have come to. They no longer even discuss their relationship and the way forward, there didn’t seem to be much point anymore. Roar knows how to treat a woman in order to get what he wants but when he has that his attention span quickly diminishes, and he is off on the quest for the next interesting event or whatever he can get excited about. His next thrill, the next party or skiing trip, a chance to get away for the weekend, anything that would quell the unrest that seemed to continually drive him forward – or was it driving him backwards towards his own imminent self-destruction?

Sometimes the greatest revelations in life appear during the darkest moments, giving us an unexpected opportunity to expand and evolve as human beings, or conversely, we can contract and fall into the energy of desolation, victimisation and self-pity, thus reducing ourselves to even less than we previously were.

For Elisabeth it had never been more crystal clear. She had woken up, shaken into greater awareness, given a full and thorough view of, ‘what is not living life in full’. She had been shown everything that life, for her, is not about thus she was given what living life is meant to be. She could no longer be in this abusive arrangement that was such a poor excuse for a relationship. This degrading compromise she was in, was at best, ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’, to at worst, for her, manipulation, mental and psychological abuse. She could no longer live with such levels of self-disrespect.

To be in a relationship, she realized, is to be in an ever-developing awareness and soulful evolution, first with herself and to what she held as the greatest universal deity or power that, she thought, some may call God. Personally, she would like to call it Universal Light, the energy that we are all part of, that holds everything in its divine power. Subsequently, to bring that true inner connection to all other relationships great and small, fleeting or permanent, to bring everything you truly are to all that you do and with everyone you meet. She was tired of living so constricted and contracted, it was time to live her full self in everything she did, and this meant that any relationship that was not true would have to change completely or become a thing of the past. And in doing so, realized how she would like to live her life, free from deceit, free from holding back, free from allowing herself to be manipulated, so as to live her life in a more truthful way.

She had become conscious of the fact that she could not blame Roar for her predicament, she had known who he was from the start, made all her own choices and allowed herself to get caught up in the excitement of the game, for that is what it was and, in fact, still is. There was never anything real, just the thrill of the hunt and being hunted, the then hunter now had other prey in his sights and would pursue it until the bitter end, whatever that turned out to be, and for her there was definitely nothing to be gained, no truth waiting around to witness that and be positioned as the victim, she thought to herself. She also had to let go of the images she had carried through it all, images of a devoted and kind husband and two beautiful children in a happy and comfortable home.

There was a contented feeling of settlement and total acceptance within her, a perception of knowing where she was really going for the first time in her life and this is what she would reflect, purely that impression of her full self, in every single encounter and communication with others. She felt years of disappointment and agitation beginning to slip away, her body starting to feel lighter, the residual gloom lifting from her mind and a sense of freedom permeating through her whole being.

They arrived at the party at 8.15pm after the short taxi journey in silence. They stepped out into the night and breathed in the cold, crisp and somewhat refreshing evening air. It was certainly going to be a chilly one. Elisabeth had agreed with the taxi driver that he would pick them up again at 1.30am, Roar saying nothing, immediately thinking to himself that it would be far too early for the New Year’s Eve party of the century to end.

As they stepped inside the foyer, the heat from within the venue was like a blast of hot summer wind in their faces as they quickly found the cloakroom and deposited their winter attire and changed shoes before making their way into the main hall. It was decked out with Christmas lights and year 2000 banners, bouquets of flowers and frosted glass tealights on all the tables that were covered with deep midnight-blue tablecloths and sprinkled with masses of small year 2000 golden glitter, with golden coloured charger plates and a combination of light and dark blue serviettes. Underneath the charger plates they would find several sheets of multi-coloured paper stapled together to form the evenings song book.

There were three long-tables, made up of several smaller tables, arranged in rows with seats for fifty people at each one. Most of the seats were taken but as they already knew they would be seated in the middle row on the side facing towards the vestibule they had just entered through; they made their way in that direction. As they moved through the hall they were greeted by several different people and engaged in polite conversation with each one until they finally arrived at their seats, which were situated close to the stage end not far from the DJ and near to where a microphone had been set up. The microphone was for the evening’s speeches and for anyone who cared to entertain or indeed, had anything else to say.

It is somewhat traditional in Norway not to take these kinds of events too seriously even though they are often quite rigidly structured with a master of ceremonies that introduces all the speakers and who guides the formal part of the evening until the dinner is completed, then music and dance takes over. There is also a lady’s speech performed by a man, a man’s speech performed by a lady, a speech in thanks of the food and many other smaller speeches and toasts that the master of ceremonies keeps control of. There is also a tradition of making up songs that fit the event. A well-known melody is used but the words of the original song are changed, usually in a jovial manner to fit the occasion. There are also lots of well-known drinking songs and chants that may spontaneously erupt as the alcohol begins to flow in full.

As they sat down in their seats Roar clumsily placed his collection of booze on the table in front of him banging it down as if to attract as much attention as possible, he left the champagne in his backpack as he would put it outside to chill for a little later. Elisabeth took out her bottles of San Pellegrino placing them gently on the table. On the opposite side of the table were a couple they had never seen before and who they would discover to be Mikal and Annelise, the placement had been planned this way to encourage new acquaintances and connections. To the right of Elisabeth was a man called Eric who she had met before at one of her yoga sessions at the local yoga studio. To the left of Roar was a young lady named Veronica who worked at the local supermarket, so almost everyone knew her as she was so visible in this small community and because of her refreshing bright, bubbly and outgoing personality. Roar immediately turned on his charm with Veronica, much to the dismay of her boyfriend Bjorn, sitting in the next seat further along the table. Softly shaking her head, Elisabeth, not wanting to react to Roar’s blatant flirting struck up a conversation with Mikal and Annelise. She whispered, more to herself than those around her, “It seems some things will never change.” Then quickly changing the topic, asked Annelise and Mikal, “How long have you been living in Droebak?”

She soon discovered that they had moved to Droebak from Oslo during the previous summer. Selling their three-bedroom apartment in the Ullevaal area, had given them the equity to buy a four-bedroom house with a good plot of land here in Droebak and as their twin boys were now almost six years old and about to start school, they wanted them to grow up in what they thought was a safer place. Mikal was a police-lawyer specializing in tax fraud and tax evasion and Annelise was about to open her own arts and crafts shop, including ceramics and picture framing, down in the centre of Droebak. She also intended to create her own ceramics workshop by converting their garage, selling her works along with the artistic creations of other selected artists, in her shop.

They were both fascinated to hear about Elisabeth’s lifestyle and her interest in meditation and yoga, saying that they would love to try yoga as they often felt stressed by their own lifestyle, so much to do and far too little time in which to do it.

Elisabeth was a teacher at one of the local secondary schools, she told them. She had known very early on in life that she would work in education. She had finished her bachelor teaching degree at twenty-two and had since specialized in languages. She spoke Norwegian, English and Spanish fluently and was also a competent German speaker. Elisabeth’s mother was originally from Manchester in the United Kingdom and had always spoken English with her as well as her two older sisters and younger brother. The family had holidayed in Spain, often travelling there between two or three times every year. She had also taken a six-month sabbatical there after completing her degree.

The call to order had arrived and the meal was about to begin, people were milling around greeting each other, a few still looking to locate their seats for the evening.

The three-course meal they were expecting had been pre-ordered, so everyone knew exactly what they would be receiving. There were two options for each course plus a vegan/vegetarian menu. As the first course starters were being served around the room, Elisabeth felt a soft tap on her shoulder; her sister Annette, three years her elder smiled broadly at her. They stood together by the table and gave each other a long loving hug and chatted for a while.

Elisabeth spoke quietly in her sister’s ear, “I have come to the point in my relationship with Roar where I can’t accept the way he is anymore. I know he is up to something, working late most nights and supposedly staying over at the office. I feel I have given away my own self-respect in this pathetic liaison and it’s now time for me to claim back my own self-worth, I truly deserve better than this”

Annette nodded in agreement, she had been at school at the same time as Roar although he was a year above her, she knew him well or rather, knew about many of his escapades. Several of her girlfriends had succumbed at one time or another to the advances of Roar and she had always felt that Elisabeth had made a huge mistake becoming involved with him, that she could do much better. Not wanting to rub salt into her sisters wounds, Annette replied, “If you want to get away from him for a while you know you are more than welcome to come and stay with us for as long as you want to.”

Elisabeth replied, “I may take you up on the offer very soon.”

The sisters loved each other dearly and could be open and truthful with each other but they had gone through the same discussion regarding Roar many times to the point that there was no point anymore. Roar was so engrossed in his conversation with Veronica that he hadn’t even noticed the arrival of Annette and as she moved away, back to her partner, she purposely bumped his chair on the way, but still no reaction he was too focused on the disarmament of this young lady beside him at the table.

The starters were now on the table and the waitresses and waiters came around with the wine, both still and sparkling water, as well as canned beer. Elisabeth had chosen a fennel and orange salad, preferring that to the offer of rakfisk, which is a traditional Norwegian dish of fermented freshwater trout or char, and its accompaniment of flatbread with butter, sour cream, finely sliced onion and leek. Roar was already devouring his rakfisk, washing it down with gulps of wine, as though he hadn’t eaten for the previous week.

He had surfaced from his conversation with Veronica to scoff his starter and was now focusing on Mikal and Annelise, well mostly Annelise, as was his norm. He was very loquacious and droll, particularly after a bottle of wine or two, who’s counting, with lots of self-irony as well as a spattering of sarcasm as he soon had both Annelise and Mikal enthralled as he told stories of his exploits, investments and skiing adventures.

“We were skiing off-piste in Verbier on a quite remote run quite late in the day. We knew the terrain quite well as we had been here several times before. We were almost through the forested area that would lead back onto one of the main ski-runs, when I spotted a flash of bright orange colour in my peripheral vision. I stopped, as did my friend Joachim skiing behind me and we went to investigate. The orange colour turned out to be the arm of a lady that had become lodged head down in a ditch under a fir-tree, skis stuck in the snow and unable to maneuver herself to release the skis or get out of the ditch. She had been there for over an hour and was completely exhausted and resigned to freezing to death. We pulled her out, she was uninjured but really shaky so we escorted her all the way to her hotel.” With his full-on charm, he entertained them until the next course arrived, they hardly got a word in and he learned absolutely nothing about them apart from their first names.

Meanwhile Elisabeth and Eric had been deep in conversation and realized that they had many similar interests. He was also a teacher, although he worked at a nursery school in the neighbouring village of Son which was about twenty-five minutes’ drive from Droebak. Eric was forty-five, divorced and had a daughter, Emma, who was fourteen years old and they lived in a flat on the outskirts of town in an area known as Heer.

Eric’s preferred pastimes ranged from yoga and meditation to walking and cross-country skiing in the mountains and also included food-foraging, especially for wild mushrooms which he had learned from his father who had been a man of nature always out in the wild and often taking Eric along with him out into the forest, all year round, no matter the weather, rain or shine, snow or ice. They had camped out spring, summer, autumn or winter, sometimes even building their own snow holes to spend the night in.

There were constant stoppages in proceedings with toasts, songs and speeches that were fun for most of the attendees except Elisabeth in her sobriety, who now purely observed, without judgement as the people around her became less inhibited and the noise levels grew louder until it was difficult to hear herself speak or think. She found herself pondering upon why people needed to drink so much alcohol to have, what they called, ‘a good time’. Living with Roar these past years had given her ample opportunity to reflect on how much he would change in the space of only a couple of hours, from being a calm reasonable man to becoming an aggressive womanizer without inhibitions. It was as if he was possessed by a demon, she guessed that this was why alcohol is often referred to as ‘the demon drink’. It was interesting to see such a large group of people drinking and how the atmosphere had changed from the joyful gentle encounters of meeting one-another to what now was a more raucous, edgy, aggressive vibration. It was only 9.30pm, so what would it be like at 1am, she wondered?

The wait staff had cleared away the dishes from the first course and were now arriving with the main, for the vegan/vegetarian they produced a beautiful honey-roasted hot root vegetable salad. For the meat-eaters they delivered the current traditional New Year’s Eve food, roast turkey dinner, and for the old-style traditionalists, ‘Pinnekjoett’ which is cured and dried smoked lamb ribs served with boiled potatoes and a swede-mash which for many is the main meal consumed on Christmas Eve too.

In the far corner of the hall Elisabeth spotted her old friend Siv with her husband Christian. Even though her food had arrived she wanted to go over and have a chat with them, so leaving her salad on the table, off she went. Roar sat and watched her walk away and even through the fog of alcohol he could still register that there were changes afoot, he could sense a new air of authority about the way she moved, no arrogance but a fullness and openness. His thoughts were disturbed when Mikal said, “Roar, your wife is very beautiful, you certainly are a lucky man.’’

“Yes,’’ he said curtly yet contemplatively, “undoubtably very lucky.’’

Elisabeth and Siv were very close, they had literally grown up together, through nursery school and all the way through to college, they had a very open dialogue and kept nothing from each other, told each other everything. Siv looked at Elisabeth and immediately said, “You look amazing Liz, what’s going on?’’

“My life is about to change forever, I don’t quite know how but I can feel it through my whole body, I feel it so clearly, I am changing, evolving in a way, to something grander than I have been before,’’ she replied.

They continued to discuss how Elisabeth felt and she told her that there would be big changes in her relationship with Roar and that she would probably leave him quite soon. Siv thought silently that that would not be a minute too soon. Christian listened and nodded, he had been a classmate with Roar and had felt the wrong end of his spiked humour too many times and thought that it was about time he got what he really deserved. For Elisabeth it was great to feel the love and acceptance from both of them and she told them how greatly she appreciated their concern and friendship. She realized that everyone she had met this evening and every interaction was further indication of how communication and connection in relationships should be and that anything less than full openness and transparency was abusive. It also indicated for her how, for many years, she had accepted so much less than she deserved and that there was no longer room for any more abuse. She promised them that she would come back over to them when the dinner was completed, left them and then made her way back to her seat. Feeling as she walked back that her own acceptance of a relationship that was less than loving was in a way choosing self-abuse, she was responsible for everything relating to her own situation.

As she sat down in her seat the next speech began, it was to be the lady’s speech which is given by a man in honour of all women. Henrik Bjerke, the local jeweler, delivered a speech that was humble, witty and completely loving and honouring of women. Elisabeth received every word and knew that this was an ideal that not many men, if any, lived up to but in truth why should any woman accept less. It made so much sense to her and yet in general we avoid living the way this man had presented. Why is that? What stops us living this way, she contemplated a while upon her own question to herself. And she expanded, why should we not treat men exactly the same way, there is no difference between us. Why do we constantly try to mess each other up? We dishonour, we compete, we ridicule, we belittle, we banter, we disenfranchise, we do everything that is not loving or respectful, which harms us, whilst the opposite would be to do everything that is loving, that heals, that we ought to make our every action a healing, loving movement or interaction.

The first thought that came to her was, that it is the ‘self’, the I, the me, that is the greatest problem we all have, that is what stops us from being completely true with each other, that is what stops true love. The conditions we put upon each other taints everything we do. She had never had so much clarity before, it seemed that she was being given an unending stream of revelations, she could actually feel her own clarity and awareness increasing. This was truly a turning point in her life, a moment of expansion, another step along the way to become or, in fact, return to the All that is within her and indeed everyone else.

She finished her salad and poured another glass of sparkling water, turning to her left she observed the empty seat where Roar had been. He’s around somewhere, she thought, chatting up someone else no doubt. He doesn’t seem to have any control over his urges when he is drinking, he becomes possessed and not in a good way. She caught herself having these thoughts about him and wondered, was she judging him, what right did she have to judge others, he knew many people here at the party, maybe he was just having a chat with one of his friends. She did a quick scan of the room; he was nowhere to be seen. She let go of wanting to know his whereabouts and accepted that she had chosen to put herself into this situation so it was entirely her responsibility to do something about it. Roar had his own responsibility, and she would no longer judge whether he acted upon that or not.

Roar was out in the cloakroom, putting on his overcoat, boots, hat, scarf and gloves. His mobile phone had been constantly buzzing in his pocket for the last half hour. He lit up a cigar, buttoned up his coat and went outside into the freezing night, he knew instinctively that it was Anneli and that something untoward must have happened. They had agreed not to meet until they were both back in the office on Tuesday January 2nd. They had planned to stay over at the Plaza after work and he had not expected to speak to her before then.

He walked outside feeling a little groggy from the wine, the cold air shocked his only area of bare skin, his face, but that was enough to give him an immediate sobering effect and a thought flashed through his mind that maybe he should consider a little moderation in his consumption of alcohol. The thought disappeared as quickly as it came. He trudged off through the snow, into the starlit, clear and freezing night.

Anneli had been confronted by her partner Sven about her absence from their relationship during the last few weeks, demanding to know what had been going on. Sven had acted totally out of character, become threatening and aggressive, she was frightened that he might even harm her physically. She had fled their apartment in Oslo and was now at her sister’s house in Nesoddtangen, which was a short ferry ride from the centre of Oslo, also about a thirty-minute drive from Droebak.

Sven was a very successful business-to-business sales consultant at a large Norwegian international telecom company based in Oslo. He travelled extensively, mostly throughout Scandinavia, although there were quite regular trips to India to negotiate multimillion dollar contracts with their outsourcing business partners located there. He loved Anneli deeply, they had always been open and intimate with each other. In March they had planned to take a four-week Hawaiian adventure holiday with a stop-over in San Francisco. It had been great fun planning all the hotels, beaches, flights, stops and escapades they would experience along the way.

He felt that recently she had become distant and aloof and continually avoided spending time together. He had questioned himself for thinking dark thoughts but in the end, he had realized that she was definitely avoiding him. It felt to him as though everything they had was slowly slipping away, he also felt devastated and betrayed.

December had been a quiet month, it seemed that many companies had gone through their preparation for the turn of the century and were bracing themselves for the moment the clock ticked to 2000, hoping their computer systems would not crash. He spent this time catching up on paperwork, much of which he could do from his home-office. This also highlighted how much time Anneli spent at work. As the days and weeks passed by, he saw less and less of her, she became distant and his every attempt at intimacy was bluntly rejected. He became more and more suspicious; he just knew that something had changed and not in a good way.

He was gravely saddened, almost grief stricken, didn’t know which way to turn or who he could speak to but this quickly gave way to anger and frustration. He wanted to know why, who, when, and yet he knew the answers to his questions would crush him.

She had denied that there was anything going on and insisted that it was all work, an important project that needed to be delivered by the end of January. That it was all very tiring but had to be completed and could mean a promotion for her. He had persisted, angrily pushing her on to their sofa demanding to know why she had continually rejected his sexual advances, saying that being tired had never stood in the way before. He knew instinctively, it wasn’t hard to read, that she was seeing someone else, he needed to hear the truth, now. He felt that he could explode, he could lose control of his senses completely if he didn’t get answers.