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- Herausgeber: Ryer Publishing
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019
What if you're doing it right? Whatever "it" is.
What if your spontaneous ideas about how to live and what to do are
correct, and you stopped trying to talk yourself out of them?
What would a whole day look like if you knew that everything you did was right? How you dressed, how you ate, how you acted, how you thought—
what would a day like that feel like?
What if you knew that the only true expert on what you should be doing with your life—where to live, which career to pursue, how best to use your time—was
you? How would that make you feel?
Are you ready to find out?
WHAT IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT? offers you a month of daily fine-tuning to help you radically transform your life.
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WHAT IF YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT?
31 DAYS TO UNCOVERING THE CONFIDENCE AND HAPPINESS YOU DESERVE
ROBIN BRANDE
RYER PUBLISHING
WHAT IF YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT?
31 Days To Uncovering the Confidence and Happiness You Deserve
By Robin Brande
* * *
Published by Ryer Publishing
www.ryerpublishing.com
Copyright 2018 by Robin Brande
www.robinbrande.com
Cover art by Katerina Sisperova/Dreamstime
Cover design by Ryer Publishing
* * *
All rights reserved.
Created with Vellum
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Robin Brande is an award-winning author, former trial attorney, black belt in martial arts, Reiki Master, and wilderness medic. Her outdoor adventures range from the Rocky Mountains to the Alps to Iceland.
She writes in multiple genres, including mystery, adventure, fantasy, science fiction, young adult, romance, and self-help.
For more information:
https://robinbrande.com/
For information about new releases, along with special discounts on books and merchandise, subscribe to the Robin Brande newsletter: https://robinbrande.com/pages/subscribe.
CONTENTS
Introduction
1. What if you get to decide how you want your life to be?
2. What if the world needs your particular Uses?
3. What if you begin again each morning?
4. What if you don’t need permission?
5. What if you don’t need advice?
6. What if you already hold the answers that you need?
7. What if you design your life to fit you, not someone else?
8. What if you give up caring what other people think of your plans?
9. What if your body is already right?
10. What if you always wear clothing that fits?
11. What if you’re not in trouble?
12. What if you are the special occasion?
13. What if you get to flourish?
14. What if you take secret delight in your many talents?
15. What if you teach people how to treat you?
16. What if you accept people’s kindness?
17. What if you’re allowed to learn as much as you want to?
18. What if you can do as many occupations as you want?
19. What if you put yourself first?
20. What if saying no can feel as comfortable as saying yes?
21. What if failure is only a temporary condition?
22. What if you simply apologize to yourself and move on?
23. What if making changes is easier than you think?
24. What if your time is for you?
25. What if your money is for you?
26. What if you want to pursue your dream?
27. What if you’re not too late?
28. What if you aim past your targets?
29. What if not sharing who you are deprives the world of a gift?
30. What if you’re ready to go for it?
31. What if you’re doing it right?
About the Author
Also by Robin Brande
INTRODUCTION
I am over fifty years old now, and one day I realized that meant I had spent nearly fifty years worrying that I wasn’t doing it right. Whatever “it” was.
My career, my appearance, my personal life, my professional life, my writing, my exercise, my behavior, my attitude, my my my…
Fifty years is a lot of time to waste on feeling wrong.
Fifty minutes is too long.
So what’s changed now?
I finally started putting into play the wide variety of lessons I’ve learned over the years as a martial artist, lawyer, teacher, student, seeker, finder, and trier.
And now I want you to have the benefit of those same lessons. It’s like stepping onto the moving sidewalk in an airport. I’m happy to help you reach the destination of finding your own happiness and personal strength without having to take as long as I did.
You’ll find that a lot of this book is about skipping steps. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that making certain changes in your life will take a very long time. What if it won’t? What if the most stubborn barriers in your life can disappear in an instant?
You’re going to find out how.
But first, let’s make sure we’re beginning on the same page:
What if you’re doing it right? Whatever “it” is.
What if your spontaneous ideas about how to live and what to do are correct, and you stopped trying to talk yourself out of them?
What would a whole day look like if you knew that everything you did was right? How you dressed, how you ate, how you acted, how you thought—what would that day feel like?
What if you changed your focus away from how other people are doing their lives, and instead asked yourself, “What are my Uses in this world?” What if spending the rest of your life joyfully pursuing and fulfilling your Uses is the most important thing you ever have to do anymore?
What if instead of asking yourself, “What should I be doing with my life?” instead you asked, “How do I want my life to be?”
How much bravery would that take?
And what if you’re already that brave, and you just don’t know it?
It’s like those movies where the bad guys have launched their attack, all seems lost, and then suddenly the humble, ordinary shopkeeper turns out to have amazing martial arts skills. There was no need to show that before or brag about it, but when the time came and those skills were needed—GO.
Maybe that’s where you are in your life right now. The time has come and your skills are needed.
GO.
WHAT IF YOU GET TO DECIDE HOW YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE?
Sometimes it takes a dramatic event to shake us off a path that is no longer right for us.
My friend Anna is one of the toughest, coolest women I know. I met her several years ago when we practiced martial arts together. She was studying for her PhD in Pharmacology and Toxicology at the time. She had gone straight through school, always knew she would be a scientist (her family knew it, too, and were very proud of her for that), and she had her PhD dissertation topic already picked out. She worked for one of her professors in a lab doing fascinating, important research.
Despite the intense demands of her studies, she also had an active physical life. In addition to training in martial arts she played on a rugby team, ran, hiked, biked, skied, snowboarded, kayaked—the list went on and on. She loved being outdoors and loved using her body. She was then and still is my definition of burly.
Then one day on the drive home from an out-of-state rugby game, the car Anna was riding in was involved in a serious accident. Everyone lived, but Anna’s pelvis was shattered and she couldn’t walk for over a year. She was bed-bound for the first three months, then in a wheelchair for the next twelve.
As she lay there in the hospital, unable to move for the next few months, she had nothing but time to think. And what she realized was that she had completely lost interest in pursing her PhD any longer. She was over it. She had been on this track all of her life, but now … no. She thought about how her boss at the lab loved her job so much she would often fall asleep on the lab table. Anna didn’t feel that way about her lab work. She knew it was not her passion after all.
And here’s why Anna’s story, for all its inspiring details about her grit and perseverance in making a complete comeback (not only did she walk again, but she was back to playing rugby within two years), made such an impact on me when I heard it. Instead of asking herself, “What do I want to do now?” or “What do I want to be?” she asked, “How do I want my life to be?”
She spent the entire fifteen months of her recovery exploring her answers to that question. She was in no rush to figure everything out. This was her life. Her family wasn’t happy she was quitting science, but she couldn’t muster even a pretend desire for it anymore. That version of her life was over.
She thought about all of the elements that she wanted to include from now on: outdoor sports, travel, fun, being among people instead of being stuck in a research lab. She considered going to medical school, but didn’t want to be in the same situation of spending a lot of years at something and then discovering that she didn’t like it after all. So instead she went into Emergency Medical Technician training, since it involved only one semester of course work (well within her science capability) to become certified.
She loved the work. She loved saving people. She loved working with her fellow EMTs. It was enough of a test run to convince her that she would be happy taking the next step and becoming a nurse.
Now she’s what’s known as a travel nurse. She works thirteen weeks at a time in various locations all around the country. It allows her to pursue her passion of helping people, while also including the other elements on her list: seeing new places, meeting new people, and trying new outdoor sports in every new location. Through a series of unlikely and at times unfortunate events, she has designed exactly the right life for herself.
Could she have done excellent work in this world if she had remained on her PhD track and become a research scientist? I have no doubt. But even if she had left the scientific field entirely, Anna would have added value—high value—to everyone she met no matter what career she ultimately chose. Her upbeat, adventurous, burly approach to life can’t help but inspire the people around her to step up their own games.
As we explore in the coming chapters the various ways to tailor your own life to fit you—specifically you—think about your own answer to Anna’s wonderful question: How do I want my life to be? The elements you identify for your own list can make all the difference to your happiness and satisfaction—not to mention the ways you choose to use your talents in the world.
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* * *
WHAT IF THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR PARTICULAR USES?
The capitalization of Uses is my own, because I think there’s a difference between all the things we can do and all the things we’re really here to do—the things that make us feel cheerful and fulfilled and, well, of use.
Some of us can play the piano or create intricate spreadsheets or run heavy machinery or run fast, and if you sat down and made a list of all the many things you can do, you could probably keep writing for a long time.
But just because you can do all those many things, does it mean that those skills and talents are (a) what you most delight in sharing, and (b) what the world needs from you?
I remember an example in a career guidance book I once read: The writer who uses his talents to create deodorant ads might enjoy his work, but does the world really need that from him? Maybe he has wisdom or humor to share, and we would all be so much better off if he would finally gather up his courage to direct his efforts there and we could read what he has to say.
Conversely, the doctor who is out in the field curing some horrible contagious disease is doing work that the world needs, but if she hates her job every single day, is that the right place for her? Maybe she’s keeping some other person from taking the job, and that person would continue the work and take great joy and satisfaction from doing it.
In other words, we can’t really know, can we? What each person does with his or her life is very personal to them. What you choose to do is personal to you. Which means—and here’s the good news—it is absolutely right for you to be the one to decide.
So think about it in terms of your Uses: those things that you are skilled at doing and that you enjoy doing most. Sit down and make that list for yourself. It can tell you a lot.
Not everything will seem important to other people. Who cares? It’s not their list. My own list contains plenty of outwardly useful things like writing, teaching, and providing both legal and minor medical advice if either are needed, but it also includes things like being a good dog mom and a good baker; cheerfully cleaning my house because I enjoy the way it looks afterward; and knowing how to help the college students in my family write better essays and research papers because I geek out on things like that. It’s a way I can help and I love it.
On the other hand, I could run for public office, go back to practicing law, or write textbooks. I have the education and ability to do all three, and the world might need them done, but not by me. I wouldn’t enjoy them. Those are not my Uses, they are someone else’s.
Whereas writing this book does feel like one of my Uses. I had the idea and decided to follow through.
Does all of this mean that you should quit your unfulfilling job today so you can go volunteer at the animal shelter or finally sit down and write your novel? Not necessarily. (And by the way, life still goes on while you’re writing a novel. You’ll still want to pay your bills and keep up with the laundry.) This might not be the right time for a dramatic change yet because one of your current Users might be to earn enough money to pay the rent or mortgage and otherwise support yourself and your family. But you might now have an incentive to explore which money earning jobs would be a better fit while you continue to lay your own path toward fulfillment.
Uses don’t always have to be active. The innate qualities of your personality are also what you have to offer. I saw a demonstration of this recently when my wonderful father-in-law died at the age of 95. By then he had been suffering from dementia and various physical ailments for several years. He lived much longer than any of his doctors expected. It didn’t seem to be a good life by the end. He was reduced to living in one room, being moved between his bed and his favorite chair. He couldn’t enjoy his food anymore. His once happy and fulfilling life now seemed very small and sad.
I had a conversation with his hospice nurse about how someone in his condition could continue to survive. She said that some people just kept hanging on for reasons we might never know.
