BILL THE MINDER - the whacky adventures of Bill and his cousins E-Book

W Heath Robinson

• Herausgeber: Abela Publishing
• Kategorie: Fantasy und Science-Fiction
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

The wonderful story of 'Bill the Minder' by none other than W Heath Robinson, follows the adventures of 15-year-old Bill and his cousins, Boadicea and Chad. During their adventures they meet a multitude of weird and wonderful characters such as The Ancient Marina, The Triplets, The Doctor, The Real Soldier and The Lost Grocer and more. They encounter various unique and whacky problems on their way which they solve the use of fantastic machines crafted by Bill which allows Heath Robinson to let his imagination run riot.

This classic book is accompanied by 16 incredible colour illustrations and a host of black and white woodcuts also by W. Heath Robinson. Heath Robinson, as he was more commonly known, was an English cartoonist and illustrator, best known for drawings of ridiculously complicated machines, made to achieve and solve deceptively simple problems. Such was (and is) his fame, that the term ‘Heath Robinson’ entered the English vernacular during the First World War, as a description of any unnecessarily complex and implausible contrivance of which there were many.

Originally published in 1912 this book was televised as a series during the 1980s. The Heath Robinson Museum is in Pinner, N.W. London, and is dedicated to showcasing the work of this world-renowned artist, illustrator, humorist and social commentator and is well worth a visit when you’re next in London.
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KEYWORDS/TAGS: Bill the Minder, W Heath Robinson, Illustrations, King Of Troy, Ancient Mariner, seafarer, Triplets, Aunt, Galladia, Doctor, Respectable, Gentleman, Sicilian, Char-Woman, Interval, Soldier, Wild Man, Musician, Lost, Grocer, Merchant, Wife, Camp-Follower, Siege Of Troy, End, Boadicea, Chad, whacky, unique, fantastic, fantasy, children’s stories, childrens book, folklore, fairy tale, myth, legends, tales, fables, television series,

Leseprobe

Bill the Minder

Written and Illustrated by

W·Heath Robinson

Originally Published By

Henry Holt & Co, New York[1912]

Resurrected By

Abela Publishing, London

[2020]

Bill the Minder

Typographical arrangement of this edition

© Abela Publishing 2020

This book may not be reproduced in its current format in any manner in any media, or transmitted by any means whatsoever, electronic, electrostatic, magnetic tape, or mechanical ( including photocopy, file or video recording, internet web sites, blogs, wikis, or any other information storage and retrieval system) except as permitted by law without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Abela Publishing,

London

United Kingdom

2020

ISBN-13: 978-8-XXXXXX-XX-X

email

[email protected]

website

www.AbelaPublishing.com

W. Heath Robinson

William Heath Robinson (31 May 1872 – 13 September 1944) was an English cartoonist, illustrator and artist, best known for drawings of whimsically elaborate machines to achieve simple objectives.

In the UK, the term "Heath Robinson" entered the popular language during the 1914–1918 First World War as a description of any unnecessarily complex and implausible contrivance, much as "Rube Goldberg machines" came to be used in the United States from the 1920s onwards as a term for similar efforts. "Heath Robinson contraption" is perhaps more often used in relation to temporary fixes using ingenuity and whatever is to hand, often string and tape, or unlikely cannibalisations. Its continuing popularity was undoubtedly linked to Britain's shortages and the need to "make do and mend" during the Second World War.

Dedication

TOThe Good Children Of Chloe And Crispin The Gatherer Of Mushrooms—Chad, Hannibal, Quentin, Randall, Noah, Ratchett, Nero, Biddulph, Knut, And The Truly Virtuous And Beautiful Boadicea, This Book Is Most Humbly And Respectfully Dedicated By The Faithful Narrator Of Their Ever-Wonderful Adventures.

Contents

BILL THE MINDER

THE KING OF TROY

THE ANCIENT MARINER

THE TRIPLETS

GOOD AUNT GALLADIA

THE DOCTOR

THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN

THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN

THE INTERVAL

THE REAL SOLDIER

THE WILD MAN

THE MUSICIAN

THE LOST GROCER

THE MERCHANT'S WIFE

THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS

THE SIEGE OF TROY

THE END

List of Illustrations

COLOURED PLATES

Frontispiece

The King Of Troy Compelled To Ask His Way

The Sport Of Every Mer-Kid

He Was Always At Hand

I Fell From My Position

The Lord Mayor Held A Long Council

The Respectable Gentleman

Basil Herbert Develops A Chilblain

And Left Him To Have His Cry Out

Reginald Completely Lost His Temper

Harmless Indeed Were Our Joys

And Played It For My Delight

Followed Him At The Greatest Speed

Bringing With Them A Little Old Man

They Came Upon A Great Stone Sphinx

Closely Observed From The Watch Towers

PEN & INK DRAWINGS

BILL THE MINDER

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC

ALWAYS INVENTING NEW WAYS OF MINDING

YOUNG TOOTH-CUTTERS FORGOT THEIR TROUBLES

THE ONLY MINDER OF THE DISTRICT

TAILPIECE

THE KING OF TROY

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

HE CLIMBED THE RICK

HE COMMENCED HIS TALE

WHAT A TIME WE HAD

TAILPIECE

VIGNETTE

THE ANCIENT MARINER

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

I SIGN ON AS CABIN BOY

I WENT ON WITH MY SANDWICHES

FOR YEARS WE SAILED

TAILPIECE

VIGNETTE

THE TRIPLETS

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

ENDEAVOURING TO COMFORT THE OLD MAN

WE GREW UP IN COMPARATIVE HAPPINESS

THE TRIPLETS ACCOMPANY THE ARMY

TAILPIECE

GOOD AUNT GALLADIA

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

I JUST MANAGED TO REACH THE EGGS

I ANGLE THE AIR

I ERECTED MY POLE ON THE SAND

ITS OLD STATELY SELF AGAIN

THE DOCTOR

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

FAR SOONER HAVE THE MUMPS

THE PUFF BAKER

TREATED WITH DELICIOUS JALAPS

AS SOME PATIENT PREPARED HIS DOSE

THE VERY SPARROWS GREW THIN

POSTCARD

POSTCARD

TAILPIECE

THE RESPECTABLE GENTLEMAN

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

BOWING POLITELY TO THE PILLAR-BOXES

THE CHURCH STEEPLE HAD BEEN REMOVED

STANDING ALONE UPON THE WALL

DANGLING BY HIS LEGS

TAILPIECE

VIGNETTE

THE SICILIAN CHAR-WOMAN

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER

HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME

THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN

THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED

DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL

VIGNETTE

THE INTERVAL

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP

THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED

ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY

THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP

TAILPIECE

VIGNETTE

THE REAL SOLDIER

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

THE REAL SOLDIER

'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT

'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD'

FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA

IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER

TAILPIECE

VIGNETTE

THE WILD MAN

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

I PLEADED MY CASE

AND KILLED IT ON THE SPOT

WE COOKED ONE GREAT STEAK

TAILPIECE

VIGNETTE

THE MUSICIAN

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

SHE NOW MADE OFF TO THE WOODS

HE WOULD CLIMB TO THE TOPMOST BRANCHES

SWEEPING THE DEAD LEAVES

WITH NO OTHER WEALTH THAN MY CONCERTINA

TAILPIECE

THE LOST GROCER

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

AFFECTED BY HIS STORY

PLUMP INTO THE RIVER WE WENT

THERE GREW IN FRONT OF ME A GREAT MOUND

SNEEZING AND SNEEZING

THE MERCHANT'S WIFE

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

MOPING ABOUT THE COMMON

KEPT HIM OUT OF MISCHIEF

GLORIOUS TARTS AND SWEETS

IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ATE

TAILPIECE

THE CAMP-FOLLOWERS

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

THE HEADS SERVED FOR DOLLS

YOU ARE NOW OUR ONLY HOPE

I FISHED AND FISHED AND FISHED

TAILPIECE

VIGNETTE

THE SIEGE OF TROY

TITLE-PAGE

HEADPIECE

PLAN OF SIEGE

THESE PARCELS WERE NOW LABELLED

AND PACKED HIM OFF TO PERSIA

TROY BECAME THE HAPPIEST TOWN

THE END

VIGNETTE

Bill The Minder

Old Crispin, the mushroom gatherer, and his good wife Chloe had ten children, and nine of them were bad-tempered. There was Chad, the youngest and most bad-tempered of the lot, Hannibal and Quentin the twins, Randall with the red head, Noah, Ratchett the short-sighted, Nero the worrit, weeping Biddulph and Knut. The only good-tempered child was a little girl named Boadicea.

It is well known that a boy usually takes after his father, and a girl after her mother, and these children were no exception to the rule, for the boys all resembled old Crispin, whose temper had been rather tried, poor man, by the early hours at which he had to rise, in order to gather the mushrooms when they were quite new and young. On the other hand, Boadicea could only have inherited her good-temper from Chloe, who without doubt was the most good-tempered dame alive.

Now it is quite true that anyone who cares to rise early enough in the morning may gather mushrooms, and plenty of them, too, but those who do so only now and again, and merely for amusement, little know the hard life of the professional gatherer, or the skill and judgment he has to cultivate in order to carry on his work with any success.

In the course of time Crispin became so well skilled that he could not only tell a mushroom from a toadstool at the distance of two hundred yards, but his hearing became so acute that he could even hear them growing, and learnt to distinguish the sound of each as it broke through the earth. Indeed, he had no need for any alarm to wake him from his heavy slumbers and call him to his work in the fields. However cautiously a mushroom made its appearance, at its first rumble, old Crispin would jump from his hard bed, hastily dress himself, and, often without tasting a morsel of breakfast, be out of the house and on to the field in time to see the newcomer pop its head through the earth. This he would pick, and then he would hop about with his head on one side listening for others like some old starling listening for worms, at the same time mewing like a cat to frighten away the birds that prey on the mushrooms. He was then able to fill his basket with the very freshest crop and take them round to people's houses in time for breakfast.

With such anxious work it will be readily understood that few mushroom gatherers can remain in the best of health for many years, and it so happened that in time the anxieties connected with the gathering of mushrooms began to affect old Crispin, so that he fell ill and completely lost his appetite. Chloe called in the doctor, but the latter at first could do nothing for him. He painted Crispin's chest and then his back with iodine; he rubbed him well with the roots of sarsaparilla; he made him sleep first on his right side, then on his left, and finally covered him in brown paper plasters and dock-leaf poultices and sent him to the sea-side with strict injunctions to take to sea-bathing, running, and aeroplaning, but it was all of no avail.

With the assistance of Boadicea, Chloe now tried to tempt her husband with every known and unknown dish, and when these failed, like a good wife, she invented others. She made trifles of vegetable marrow, tartlets of hen feathers to soothe the nerves, salads of spinach and carraway comfits, delicacies composed of porridge and mint, and the most luscious stews of pine-cones and lard. She then tried him with even lighter dishes, but it was no good. He became thinner and thinner every day, and his temper was growing shorter and shorter, when at last, to her great joy, she succeeded in making a jelly that really seemed to take his fancy.

At first there was little or no sign of improvement, yet he ate a very small portion of the jelly every day, and with this the anxious wife and daughter had to be contented for some time. He had remained in this state for weeks when Chloe resolved slightly to increase his portion. Finding that this did not disagree with him, but that, instead, he became a little stouter and a little better every day, she continued gradually giving him more and more.

At last she discovered that the more Crispin ate of this jelly, the greater his appetite became. In fact, if the truth be told, the old gentleman became in time not only quite well and very stout but also somewhat greedy. At all events, Chloe found that instead of being able to devote more time to her children, after restoring her husband's appetite, she had to give up more and more time to cooking. Crispin now spent the whole day in eating, and things went from bad to very bad, and from very bad to worse. Boadicea assisted her mother to the utmost, yet Chloe, worked almost to death, was at length compelled to look out for a minder, in order that her children might not be entirely neglected.

Many minders from all parts applied for employment, and, as a test of their skill, she set them the task of cheering the unfortunate Chad, who was cutting all his double teeth at the same time. Some tried to cheer him by singing to him, some by dancing to him; one even hoped to gladden the boy by jumping over him backwards and with a pleasant smile dropping on the grass in front of him. Again, some thought to distract him by running swiftly with him several times round the well, which only made him very ill. Another energetic young minder stood on his head in front of the child for at least ten minutes, which, instead of cheering the lad, nearly frightened him to death. One minder, more experienced than the rest, tried to make him forget his ache by giving him other aches to think of with the aid of a slipper, which he maintained he had succeeded in doing. However, he was not elected, for, try as they would, no one could discover for which ache the child was crying.

Many methods were tried, but none with even the smallest success; in fact, the competition greatly increased the child's discomfort. His howls became terrific, and so heartrending that, as a last resource, Chloe sent for her nephew Bill, who cleaned the boots. Now no one had suspected Bill of having the makings of a good minder in him, but it happened that he knew Chad's little ways, and so, to everybody's surprise and relief, he easily succeeded in keeping him quiet until all the double teeth had been cut. Thereupon he was at once elected Minder to the family.

HIS HOWLS BECAME TERRIFIC