Double Trouble at the Dead Zoo - Alan Nolan - E-Book

Double Trouble at the Dead Zoo E-Book

Alan Nolan

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Beschreibung

Dublin, 1859 Bram Stoker: Boy seeking adventure (and things to write about) Molly Malone: Part-time sneak thief and full-time Dublin legend! When Bram and his best pal Molly meet a lonely boy called Sanjit in Dublin's Natural History Museum, they can see he needs some friends. So they, along with Molly's gang, The Sackville Street Spooks, take him under their wing. Sanjit tells them the tale of the dread (and very dead) pirate, Captain Lamprey and his links to the Museum. Soon the new shipmates find themselves outwitting vagabonds and villains, hot on the trail of a mysterious long-lost treasure … the Rajapur Ruby! But little do they know that not everyone they come across is who they claim to be! Where CAN that ruby be?

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Sammlungen



 

 

‘This book is a gem from start to finish, packed with laughs, thrills and characters that sparkle on the page. My new favourite double act – smarter than Holmes and Watson and much funnier.’

 

Eoin Colfer, author of the Artemis Fowl series

Dedication

For the Mangled Ferrets

Table of Contents

Title PageDedicationPatented Map of Dublin City, 1858A Short List of CharactersPrologue: Home Sweet Home?Chapter 1: Guess Who’s Back, Back Again, Molly’s Back, Tell A FriendChapter 2: Home Street Home!Chapter 3: Guess Who’s Coming To Breakfast?Chapter 4: Let’s Get Stuffed!Chapter 5: The Waxies’ DargleChapter 6: The Ringsend RingmasterChapter 7: Will The Real Shady Uncle Please Stand Up? Please Stand Up? Please Stand Up?Chapter 8: Captain Lamprey’s Confusing CluesChapter 9: All In a Day’s WorkhouseChapter 10: Fully BookedChapter 11: A Very Grave Situation …Chapter 12: Animal CrackersEpilogue: Me Jewel An’ Darlin’ DublinAuthor’s note on DublinAuthor’s note on IndiaThe Real Bram & MollyThe SongsAcknowledgementsAbout the AuthorCopyright

Patented Map of Dublin City, 1858

A Short List of Characters

A Short List of Characters Contained Within, provided by the Most Considerate Author for Your Instruction and Delight:

Bram Stoker

The future author of Dracula, almost twelve years of age, yearns for adventure and to have stories to tell.

Molly Malone

Twelve years of age, accomplished sneak thief and part-time fishmonger.

Shep, Rose, Billy the Pan, Calico Tom, AKA The Sackville Street Spooks

Molly’s gang, to whom she is part sergeant major, part mother hen.

Sanjit Chandra

A young boy visiting from Bombay in India, Sanjit is shy, but very clever.

Uncle Seth Kumar

Sanjit’s uncle, a professor of Animal Biology at the University of Calcutta.

Hetty Hardwicke

Molly’s competition for the title of best sneak thief in Dublin and self-proclaimed leader of The Bow Street Bowsies.

Madame Florence Florence

A fortune teller, variously known as the Seer of the What-Is-To-Come, the One Who Knows All, the Seventh Daughter of a Seventh Daughter, and the White Witch of Westmoreland Street.

Mr Bertram ’Wild Bert‘ Florence

A semi-retired Wild West trick-rider, zebra-wrangler and pony-vaulter, and Madame Flo’s husband.

Mr Pablo Fanque

British owner of Pablo Fanque’s Circus Royal, and sometime benefactor of Mr Bertram ‘Wild Bert’ Florence.

Mr Abraham Stoker & Mrs Charlotte Stoker

Bram’s father and mother – his father is a strait-laced civil servant and Keeper of the Crown Jewels at Dublin Castle; his mother is a skilled storyteller and incurable chatterbox.

Prologue:

Home Sweet Home?

Alamplighter strolled from lamppost to lamppost in the evening gloom, touching the crown of each with the flame at the top of his malacca cane pole until the gas ignited and the lantern glowed with yellow radiance. He whistled a cheery tune through his bushy whiskers as he walked, leaving a line of luminous puddles of light along the length of Buckingham Street. To Bram, gazing down from his third-storey bedroom window, the rings of amber lamplight looked like ghostly stepping-stones. He imagined leaping from his window and bouncing from one light to the other, until he was away and free, and had left 19 Buckingham Street far behind. Oh, Buckingham Street was fine in its way, but it didn’t feel like home.

Pulling the wooden shutters across and turning from the window, Bram struck a long, tapered match and carefully lit the candle on his bedside table. Hmmmm, he thought, looking at the ceramic candlestick in the shape of a red-coated soldier and wrinkling his freckled nose slightly, I really must get rid of that childish thing; I am almost a man now – well, a young man, at any rate! – and young men most definitely don’t need to be guarded by red-coated soldiers, ceramic or otherwise, while they sleep.

Bram plucked the candlestick soldier from the locker and, holding it aloft, ran the candle’s flickering light along the row of books on the mahogany shelf above his bed. Books by Herman Melville – Moby-Dick was his favourite – Edgar Allan Poe, Alexandre Dumas, and of course, his beloved Charles Dickens. Sitting in pride of place on the shelf was Bram’s most treasured book, in fact his most treasured possession: the leather-bound copy of A Christmas Carol, signed for him by Mister Dickens himself! Bram smiled softly as he remembered the night in the Rotunda Round Room when he met the celebrated author and received the book, his smile growing more wistful as he recalled who he was with when that happened.

Taking the book down from the shelf, he sat on his bed and stared at the great man’s signature. Shall I ever be a famous author too, he thought, just like Mr Dickens? I should so very much like to be!

He wondered where his friend Molly Malone was now – still in America, he supposed. But what was she doing? What adventures was she having? And with whom? Did she ever think of him?

Sighing sharply, he stood and replaced the Dickens book and took down another leather-bound volume, its cover more battered and worn than the pristine jacket of A Christmas Carol. Sitting down again on his single bed, Bram opened his old, much-used and much-loved diary, slid the pencil out from between its pages, and began to write.

The Diary of Master Abraham Stoker

Friday 18th of March, 1859

19 Buckingham Street, Dublin

 

Dearest Diary,

I never thought I’d say this, and I shall deny it if you mention it to anybody, but … I miss Marino Crescent. I know this new house in Buckingham Street is much grander – it has more storeys and larger rooms. And a bigger kitchen. Wood-panelled walls too. And is exceedingly more befitting a gentleman like my father who works, as he does, in the lofty position of the Keeper of the Crown Jewels at Dublin Castle.

But it’s draughty and cold, even in March. It’s not small and cosy like our lovely little house in Clontarf. But it is closer to the City, and closer to Dublin Castle with Papa’s precious Crown Jewels.

And speaking of the Crown Jewels … I can’t help asking myself where Molly might be.

It’s been almost seven months since I last saw her – that’s over half a year, Dear Diary – and, I have to say, life is so BORING without her.

I go to the (famously dreary) Rev. Woods’ School every morning – BORING. (Thank goodness that next week is midterm break, I think I should absolutely lose my wits if I didn’t have the week off.)

I am brought by Mama and Papa to fine hotels and restaurants for afternoon tea each weekend – BORING.

I spend every weeknight doing my homework and reading books – BORING. (Well, the reading books part I love, it’s just the homework that practically sends me into a coma.)

I long for adventure. I crave excitement – I want so much to be an author and write books when I am older, but how am I ever to become a writer if my life lacks adventure and excitement? I practically yearn for the thrill of being chased by vicious villains intent on causing me harm.

In short, I miss being one of The Sackville Street Spooks.

I miss Molly.

What would I give, Dear Diary, to hear a jolly knock at the hall door, to look out of my bedroom window and see, far below, a curly mop of red hair on top of a faded blue dress and a grubby pinafore?

But … that’s just the merest flight of fancy on my behalf. You see, we are not in Marino Crescent anymore – if Molly did come back, I expect she wouldn’t be able to find me.

I think that’s the real reason I dislike 19 Buckingham Street so much; Molly doesn’t know that I live here.

Till BORING old tomorrow, Dear Diary,

 

Bram

Chapter One:

Guess Who’s Back, Back Again, Molly’s Back, Tell A Friend

​In which a ruddy-haired rover returns, and Bram sets off for the late-night city sights

Bram placed his pencil inside the pages of his diary and set it down beside the soldier candlestick on his bedside table. After a few seconds of deliberation, he took down his copy of Moby-Dick from the shelf and got into bed to read. He managed almost forty full minutes of reading before he nodded off, sitting up, with the copy of Melville’s book lying open and limp on his blanketed lap.

He was startled back into consciousness, he thought, by the BONGG-ing sound of the grandfather clock in the hallway striking midnight, three storeys below. Funny. He had been sleeping in the new house for almost four months and the grandfather clock’s BONGG-ing had never woken him before.

Then he heard a different sound; to Bram it sounded almost like the sound of knuckles rapping on glass. He sat up straight, suddenly wide awake, his copy of Moby-Dick sliding off his bedclothes and hitting the bedroom rug with a muffled THUNKK. There it was again, the rapping noise; it was the sound of someone knocking on the glass window – two quick raps, then one slow. Strange how it reminded Bram of a whistle he had once heard: two high notes and one low, a whistle so ear-piercing that even the memory of it made Bram’s hands move involuntarily towards his ears. Hold on … two quick, one slow: two high, one low – that’s MOLLY’S WHISTLE!

Bram launched himself out of bed and padded quickly but quietly to the window. He hurriedly yanked the shutters open and found himself face-to-face with a very familiar set of features: two sparkling, mischievous green eyes, a freckle-covered nose and chin, and above all of that, gleaming in the moonlight, a bird’s nest of unruly ginger hair.

‘MOLLY!’ whisper-shouted Bram, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in astonishment.

‘Open the window and let me in, you eejit, yeh,’ mouthed Molly Malone from the other side of the glass.

Bram, his eyes still comically wide, did as he was bidden, sliding up the sash window to reveal Molly Malone herself, clinging nonchalantly to the third-storey stone windowsill. Molly swung her legs around the sill and slipped into the room, landing noiselessly on the red, Chinese-patterned rug. She turned around slowly, taking in her surroundings as she brushed dust from her knee-length dark-green satin dress. She whistled quietly. Bram looked out the window and then went back to gaping at Molly. She looked different than he remembered: yes, she still had the same bird’s nest of frizzy red hair and the same freckles, but her clothes were much less ragged than before. In fact, now that he looked at it, the bottle-green dress she was wearing had no tears, marks or smudges on it at all – such a change from the faded blue dress and shabby pinafore he was used to seeing her in. Some might say that her new rig-out looked almost fashionable. Bram looked away from her dress and went back to gaping at the window, wondering dimly how she had gotten up to his bedroom window; the bedroom was three floors up, after all!

‘Well,’ said Molly, sitting primly on Bram’s bed, ‘this is comfy.’ She picked up his copy of Moby-Dick from the floor, glanced at the cover and put it on top of his diary on the bedside table. ‘Hah! I was reading that book on the way back from America. I had to stop though; I kept havin’ dreams of the ship being attacked by whales. I thought I was Captain Ahab!’

Bram finally managed to close his mouth. He blinked his eyes, shook his head and launched himself at Molly, enveloping her in a huge, happy bearhug. Molly, Bram’s arms tight around her, struggled off the bed. ‘Get away from me, ya sap,’ she giggled, hugging Bram just as tight.

‘What,’ began Bram, staggering back and smiling incredulously, ‘how …’

‘Never mind that now,’ said Molly, ‘Come on, Quality, let’s go out on the town – the night is young – besides, I haven’t been to see Billy the Pan or Shep, or Calico Tom yet!’

She hasn’t been to see any of The Sackville Street Spooks yet – her own gang? thought Bram. Molly came to see me first! He shook his head again in astonished delight.

Grabbing Bram by the hand, Molly made her way towards the bedroom door and the stairs beyond. ‘Mol, aren’t we … are we not leaving by the window?’ asked Bram.

‘The window?’ whispered Molly with a grin, ‘It was easy enough for me to get up here, me bein’ the best sneak thief in Dublin an’ all that; but Bram, you strike me as more of a walkin’-down-the-stairs-an’-leavin’-by-the-front-door sort of person, if ya don’t mind me sayin’.’

Bram didn’t mind her saying in the least bit. I don’t know how she got up that wall at all, he thought as he stared at his friend, she must be part bluebottle on her mother’s side. ‘Oh! Hold on until I get dressed,’ he whispered, a huge grin on his face, ‘Turn around, please!’ Molly turned her back and studied the chintz, flamingo-patterned bedroom wallpaper while Bram grabbed clothes from the end of his bed and put them on.

‘Quite right,’ she said in a pretty passable imitation of an upper-class Dublin accent, ‘one simply mustn’t visit the City in one’s pyjamas!’

Giggling softly, the two friends descended the stairs as silently as they could, Bram touching Molly gently on the shoulder and mouthing a mute warning to watch the squeaky fourth step on the second flight. They tip-toed extra quietly past Bram’s parents’ bedroom and padded across the black and white chequered floor tiles of the high-ceilinged entrance hall. A tall front door stood at the end, the semi-circular glass window above it throwing a mix of white moonlight and yellow gaslight across the tiles. Bram lifted the latch and opened the door, glad that the handyman had oiled the creaky hinges only the week before. The cool night air hit his face, and a second later a fast-moving, furry missile hit his midriff, causing him to take a step back into the hallway. The missile danced around Bram on its hind legs like a shaggy-haired prima-ballerina, excitedly trying to jump up high enough to lick his face.

‘Her Majesty!’ cried Bram softly, ‘Oh, it’s so good to see you, girl!’ He bent and hugged the brown bundle of fur as the happy dog yapped enthusiastically … and loudly. ‘Shush now, Her Majesty; you’ll wake up the whole street with your racket, and, more importantly, Mama and Papa!’

Molly grinned and hugged both the dog and Bram tightly. ‘Right,’ she said, letting go and standing back. ‘Master, your carriage awaits.’ She swept her arm expansively towards the kerb, where standing on the cobblestones was a black Hansom cab, its driver smiling and tipping the brim of his black top hat with a leather-covered finger. The cab’s large brown horse whinnied gently, allowing clouds of steam to escape from its flared nostrils.

‘Since when does Molly Malone travel by Hansom cab?’ asked Bram, climbing into the passenger seat and reaching down to offer a hand to his friend.

‘Why, kind sir, since I became an all-American lady of leisure!’ laughed Molly, whooshing Her Majesty up into the carriage and then swinging in after her.

Bram sighed and shook his head, ‘Oh, Molly, I do hope you haven’t sold ALL of the Crown Jewels – Papa still thinks the ones in the strongroom of Dublin Castle are the real thing – if he knew we had replaced them with gold-painted tin and fake gemstones made of coloured glass he should be struck down with an attack of brain fever. He is meant to be the Keeper of the Crown Jewels, after all!’

‘Don’t worry, Bram,’ said Molly, ‘your father’s job is safe and sound.’ She reached down and took a familiar-looking carpet bag from the floor of the cab, plonked it on her knee and opened it. ‘See,’ she whispered, ‘here they are, as fine and dandy as the day we borrowed them.’ Bram looked into the bag; the priceless emeralds, rubies and diamonds glittered in the gaslight of the streetlamps as the carriage began its juddering journey towards Sackville Street. Bram exhaled heavily. ‘Thank goodness,’ he phew-ed in relief, ‘they are all still in one piece!’

‘Well,’ said Molly, ‘one or two very, very small diamonds may have fallen off by – a-hem – accident …’ Bram’s eyebrows shot up in alarm. ‘But don’t worry, Quality! I replaced them with very high-quality glass replicas! We will soon get the real jewels back into the Tower, chuck out the fake ones, and your papa will never notice that they were gone at all!’ Molly closed the bag and settled back in her seat. ‘Anyway, Rose and I had to pay for our trip to America somehow. And we had to provide for the rest of The Sackville Street Spooks who stayed behind.’

‘Oh, yes,’ said Bram; he couldn’t help smiling at his friend, ‘how are the Spooks? I haven’t seen them since before you and Rose went away.’

‘No,’ replied Molly with a wink, ‘but they’ve seen you! I asked Billy the Pan and Shep to keep an eye on you while I was away; just to make sure you didn’t get into any trouble. Any more trouble, I mean! How do you think I found you so quickly in your new house?’

‘You mean The Sackville Street Spooks have been secretly watching me the whole time?’ asked Bram. He looked out through the back window of the cab, half-expecting to see Shep or Billy or Calico Tom sneaking from lamppost to lamppost in their wake.

‘Not so much watching you as watching out for you,’ said Molly, giving him a light punch on the arm, ‘You’re one of us, Bram, a Sackville Street Spook. And Spooks look out for each other!’

Chapter Two:

Home Street Home!

​In which Billy the Pan and Shep come face-to-face with a pretender to Molly’s throne, and Molly goes for a moonlight gallop

RRATTTT-TATT! RRATTT-A-TAT-TAT! The man finished rapping on the side of the saucepan and swayed slightly in the smoky Dublin air. ‘There you go, Billy!’ he said, holding out a coin in his hand. Billy the Pan reached his scrawny arm up from where he was sitting and took the proffered halfpenny, making it swiftly disappear into one of the many pockets in his tattered, patched-up grey trousers. ‘Thank you, sir,’ he chirped, raising the battered saucepan that he wore on his head by the handle, ‘and may the Luck of the Saucepan go with yeh!’ The man grinned a green-toothed grin, hiccupped and staggered off.

Shep plonked himself down on the ground beside his friend and wiped his dribbling nose with the back of his hand. ‘I wish I had a gimmick like yours, Billy,’ he said, ‘Wearing that saucepan on your head and charging everyone a ha’penny to knock on it for luck is going to make you a fortune – you’re going to be rich!’

‘Well, Shep,’ said Billy, leaning back on a stone column and putting his hands behind his head, ‘maybe when you’re twelve like me you’ll find your own way of standing out from all the other Beggarmen in Dublin, just like I do. Maybe when you’re older like I am, you might even be invited to join the Brotherhood of Beggarmen!’

‘And Beggarwomen,’ squeaked a voice from behind the column. ‘And Beggarwomen,’ repeated Billy with a sigh, ‘Thanks for reminding me of that, Fran.’ A young girl with dirty blonde hair stuck her head around the pillar and grinned at the two boys, ‘No bother!’ she chirped, ‘Just don’t forget us ladies – we can be Beggarmen too! I mean, a-hem, Beggarwomen too!’ She wrinkled her nose, sniffed and disappeared again around the column.

Billy stood up from where he was sitting on the steps of the Bank of Ireland and gazed across the wide plaza of College Green. The windows set in the regal façade of Trinity College were all dark, with no candles burning behind them – nobody was studying this late in the evening. Above the closed and locked grand entrance, Trinity’s triangle-shaped stone pediment gleamed white in the moonlight.

Billy the Pan wasn’t fond of plying his begging trade this side of the River Liffey – he was normally on the Northside, working a patch that stretched from Sackville Street up to Montgomery Street, the infamous Monto area – but the rules of the Brotherhood of Beggarmen said that no beggar should work the same patch for more than three days at a time. He had spent the last three days north of the Liffey; it was now his turn to work the Southside. Billy was a beggarman like his father before him, and his father’s father too; he knew the rules and respected them. But for some reason the Quality, the rich Dubliners in their top hats and velvet jackets and frilly frocks and petticoats, didn’t seem to be as generous and give-ish on the Southside as they were on the North. He had to rely on the kindness of working-class people, wandering home, worse-for-wear, from public houses – they seemed happy enough to throw him a coin and knock on his battered saucepan for luck. Unfortunately, that meant having to stay up late until the public houses pulled down the shutters, and Billy didn’t like working the late shift.

Nearly time to head home, thought Billy, the hour is late, and College Green is nearly empty; only a few cabs goin’ up and down, and the odd eejit stumblin’ though – there won’t be any more rappin’ on my saucepan tonight!

‘C’mon, Shep,’ he said, turning to his fellow Sackville Street Spook, ‘I think we’ll call it a night and head back to Madame Flo’s.’ Shep suddenly jumped to his feet, his eyes wide, nearly knocking Billy over. He pointed a shaking hand toward the stone plinth in the middle of the plaza. On the top of the plinth sat a huge bronze statue of a horse, and on top of the horse sat a huge bronze statue of King William III.

‘King Billy? What’s up with aul’ William the Third?’ asked Billy.

‘Not the statue, Billy, look who’s at the bottom of it!’ exclaimed Shep. Walking around the side of the plinth, silhouetted by dim gaslight, was the person Shep was gesturing at. A girl with wild, bushy hair, wearing a ragged dress and pinafore. A small, furry, knee-high dog followed behind her. ‘And … is that Her Majesty too?’ gasped Shep, ‘It couldn’t be …’

‘MOLLY MALONE!’ shouted Billy. They both ran wildly down the steps of the Bank and across the cobblestones towards the small silhouette with the smaller canine silhouette beside her, but each came to a screeching halt as they saw the mysterious figure’s face.

‘Hold on,’ cried Billy the Pan, disappointment in his voice. ‘You’re not Molly!’

Shep pointed at the dog, a scruffy-looking mutt with ratty brown fur and a snaggle-toothed face that looked nothing like Molly’s dog, ‘And this dog is just too plain ugly to be Her Majesty!’

The dog’s furious furry eyebrows knitted together, and he let out what sounded like a disgusted growl of disdain.

‘Hetty Hardwicke’s the name,’ proclaimed the girl in an imperious voice, tossing her dirty brown fuzz of hair over her shoulder contemptuously, ‘and this is my dog, Prince Albert.’ The small, spiky-haired dog growled again and bared his yellow teeth.

‘Forget about Molly Malone; she’s old news,’ snarled Hetty Hardwicke, baring her own teeth just like Prince Albert. ‘She up and left for Amer-i-kay months ago. I’m taking over her business interests here in Dublin City; me and my gang, the Bow Street Bowsies. I’m the best sneak thief in Dublin now that Molly’s gone. And let’s face it, fellas, I’ll be the best for a long time to come because Molly is never coming back!’

‘Molly is back,’ said a familiar voice. Shep and Billy turned. Walking towards them down the steps of the bank was a girl dressed in a bright blue dress with a starched, perfectly ironed, brilliant-white pinafore. Her newly-washed hair was curly and red as it shone in the moonlight.

‘Molly … Malone?’ said Hetty in a small, disappointed voice. Prince Albert lowered his head and whimpered.

‘ROSE!!’ cried Billy and Shep in delight. They ran and hugged their old friend tight, ‘You’re back!’

‘Back from the good old US of A! Can I get a big ol’ YEE-HAAWW, fellers?’ laughed Rose.

‘YEEE-HAWWWW!’ shouted Billy and Shep together, their voices ringing across College Green.