Fifty and Fabulous – a woman over 50 is more than just a simple number E-Book

Lisa Marie König

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 132

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

In this compelling autobiography, a courageous woman shares her journey through the ups and downs of life. After a turbulent past, marked by self-doubt and struggling with ADHD, she finally finds her calling in self-employment alongside sports. Her journey is a testament to the fact that change is possible if you are willing to break old patterns and break new ground. This book is not only a personal story of growth and self-discovery, but also an inspiration for anyone who longs for a fulfilled life and has the courage to fight for it.

Leseprobe

Foreword/Abstract

If you do this again and again,

what you have always done,

then you will get this again and again,

what you have always had.

If you want something else,

you have to do something else!

And if what you are doing is not getting you anywhere,

then do something completely different,

instead of more of the same wrong thing!

Paul Watzlawick

(Source: Online: https://www.myzitate.de/paul-watzlawick/Abruf on: 01.05.2024.)

In the past, I have tried to process my experiences with blog posts. Well, ... sometimes more, sometimes less successfully. Lately, I haven't written any more posts because I felt that I no longer needed to and that my stories weren't interesting enough for outsiders. However, in order to continue to process my past successfully and to get other chaos in my life under control, I have now sought professional support. One of the good decisions I made in my life!

After a few conversations, my psychologist thought, unlike me, that I had a lot to say and could perhaps even help one or two others with my experiences. Especially women who are or have been in a similar situation. So she advised me to think about writing down my experiences. Funny, because I had actually started to write my own little biography from the previous blog posts. Just like that, and it was really only meant for me, as an aid alongside the psychological support. In fact, I'm still a bit skeptical and also think that my life isn't really exciting and that my experiences aren't really helpful for others.

But what do I have to lose by sharing my experiences with others? Basically, I can only gain and perhaps helpawonderful person.

The more I think about it, the more I like my psychologist's idea of perhaps helping others with my experiences. From today's perspective, I dare to say that I have developed significantly over the last five years thanks to many people and their experiences. These many people have accompanied me with laughter and tears, exciting new experiences as well as painful ones.

Anyone who knows me knows that it's not always easy with me. So: From the bottom of my heart, my deep and sincere thanks to everyone who has accompanied me to this day! You are the treasures of my life!

Introduction

When I first started thinking about myself and my life, I was 48 years old. So it took a while. Two important things in brief:

Firstly, the most important thing in my life is and remains my son. Even though he is now grown up, stands on his own two feet and has a wonderful partner.

Secondly, my greatest wish is still to find a place and the right people where I can say: "This is my home! Here I can be who I am!"

Professionally, until I started thinking about myself, I was guided by what I came across and what sparked my interest. I didn't usually look for it and never thought about my career. The reason for this was my childhood. I was told (almost like a prayer wheel) that I was too stupid for anything. At some point, I accepted this for myself and a career was therefore not an issue for me. My mother usually took the lead in setting the direction. This also led to me having a very wild CV in terms of topics ... Until recently, I didn't want to commit myself professionally and always wanted to be open to something new. So I completed several school and vocational qualifications and learned various professions. All of this has contributed to me finding my passion today. I wouldn't do anything else for the world.

Unfortunately, it was the other way around in my private life. Here, I was mainly guided by the example set by those around me and what they demanded of me. At least most of the time. From time to time, I did try to break out of the "hamster wheel". Unfortunately, I only succeeded very late on.

But I would like to introduce myself briefly.

I am a woman, just over 50 years old, mother of an adult son, self-employed and have separated from my husband after 28 years of marriage and a 34-year relationship. Why am I mentioning this in particular? Well, because that's exactly what changed my life and me in particular. But not only that. Out of desperation and because, as a self-employed person, I couldn't get an affordable rental apartment near my family, I bought an old, very old half-timbered house that was 240 years old and almost 400 km away from my family. Brave ... or stupid?

But let's go back for a moment: the question naturally arises as to why I am writing this down now? On the one hand, as already mentioned, for me to record important experiences here in a permanent medium and to process past, very painful things. And on the other hand ... well ... I think because after many conversations and changes, I have only now found myself as a person and also as an independent woman and realized that I am strong and courageous, and that I dared to end something that has paralyzed me in recent years and decades. And because, unfortunately, others would never dare to do that their whole lives, even though they long for it as much as I do.

Do you often ask yourself the same questions: Is that it? Has this been my whole life? Should it go on like this until death? Is this what I want? Is this good for me? What do I want for myself? And so on and so forth. Do you also ask yourself these questions? Over and over again? Do you answer "yes" to these questions? Then perhaps I can give you a few things to take with you on your first step into YOUR LIFE! And yes, I would be delighted if I could at least inspire other people to reflect on my experiences.

I am aware that not everyone will be enthusiastic about my experiences and decisions or that people who know me will have perceived one situation or another differently from their perspective. I know that, because even back then, when I made the decision to change my life, there were these people. Some of the people in my immediate environment were shocked and not really thrilled. Not at all! Some even claimed that I was stupid for leaving a stable relationship and starting again. And that at my age! Well, let's get this out of the way right away: There are often big differences between how something appears on the outside and how it really feels on the inside for the person in question. Many people are familiar with the terms self-image and external image.

Digression on my health background at the time:I have ADHD. Let's get that out of the way first. I was diagnosed at the age of 29 during my son's diagnosis phase (he has ADHD). Before my separation, I smoked a lot, was overweight, had suffered from panic attacks for years, Hashimoto's and, in recent years, also from Meniere's disease (acute dizzy spells), high blood pressure, cardiac arrhythmia, etc. I realized more and more that I had to change my life. I couldn't go on like this! My GP at the time said the same thing. At first, I thought it was because of my old job and the multiple responsibilities I had at the time (two jobs, studies/promotion, parents, house, garden, etc.). But it wasn't that alone. I realized that my ex-husband and I had grown very far apart and that there was no support for me from him. When I begged my ex-husband years before that I needed support, I was told: "Other women can do it too. Don't belikethat!" One of the consequences of this was that we ended up arguing more and more and he took every opportunity to insult me, discourage me or even ruin any prospects for the future. Some people who knew us can hardly believe it, because as soon as other people were around, he hardly spoke.

And let's go back to what some people have said about my age: change my life at this age? So hey ... I wasn't that terribly old not to start all over again. Daring: Yes! But at least it's not hopeless!

I don't want to gloss over my decision to separate back then and I really didn't make it easy for myself. And yes, I faced my biggest challenge yet: learning to be alone for the first time in my life. And again, yes, it's very daring and brings with it a little (well, a lot) of fear alongside all the positive emotions. I've never been alone my whole life. I met my ex-husband on summer vacation when I was 15 years old. So I moved in with him directly from my parents at the age of 18 and never been alone until this last decision. But ok. I knew that my decision wouldn't be all good things. I was convinced that I would make it and that it was the right decision. But I didn't know at the time that it would be so hard and that the circumstances would change due to the pandemic.

Maybe all the negative people around me at the time were right and I'm crazy. Maybe! But it didn't stop me. No! Not with this decision!

I did it: despite all the different, chaotically circling thoughts, I took the step and separated 3.5 years ago. Only time will tell whether it turned out to be the right decision. From today's perspective, it was THE right move!

In the next few chapters, I would like to tell you a little more about myself, my life and how I came to the point of redesigning my life and, above all, shaping it myself. The longer I think and write about it, the more convinced I am that I am not the only person who struggles with these thoughts and questions. When I was going through the difficult decision-making phase, what I would have given to get tips from someone who had already done it or set an example at my age with all the obstacles. But unfortunately there was no one around me. And believe me: all those self-help books on single life (and I've read a lot of them) can go in the garbage can! You can burn them too.

Let's take a look behind the scenes

My immediate environment

To shed a little light on who I actually am and where I come from, I have to go a long way. But you have time, I think.

My parents divorced when I was five years old. I hardly know my father, but I know him more than my two sisters. So I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to meet him a few times. Every time I met him, his very deep voice went right through me. I don't know why that is and I can only speculate. Maybe it's because of what my eldest sister once told me. She told me that my father used to beat me because I wasn't as "successful" as he would have liked. I didn't eat with a knife and fork as he would have liked (well, what do you have hands and fingers for as a child?). But as I said, I can't say any more about that. Although ... I can perhaps add one thing. I don't have many memories of my childhood, but I keep seeing a picture in my mind's eye. In it, I'm standing behind my mother and looking between her legs. My father is standing in front of my mother with a scowl on his face and his hand raised. I can't say where this image comes from. Maybe it came from my sister's stories. But I often see it when I think about my childhood. But back to the actual description of my immediate surroundings, so as not to lose the thread.

I have several sisters. My eldest sister is very close to me and we've also had more contact since I separated from my ex-husband. Somehow we are a bit similar in many ways, at least I feel that more with her than with my other biological sister. I don't have much contact with my other sister, actually none at all. But that was already the case when we were children. We couldn't stand each other. It's strange and a shame, but that's just the way it is. We also made life difficult for each other as children, each in our own way. I think we're even as far as that goes. Despite everything, she shaped me in many ways more than I would have liked.

A little digression about my childhood memories:As I've already written, I don't have many memories of my childhood. I only know a lot from my mother's stories. I have two images in my head: the one with my father (I've already described that) and then a picture of me lying in a hospital bed that was far too big and looking towards a door with a round window. My crying mother is standing in front of this window. I also asked my mother about both pictures. She didn't say anything specific about the first one with my father. As for the second picture, she said it was actually in hospital when I was drinking washing-up liquid. This came about because my mother made a bubble solution from washing-up liquid for my two sisters. In the process, she left a straw in the washing-up liquid bottle and was careless for a moment. At that moment, I must have grabbed the bottle and had a good drink. When she turned around, soap bubbles came out of my nose and mouth. She then grabbed me and drove straight to the hospital. The doctors there said that I was too small to pump my stomach and that we would have to wait and see. It wouldn't be good for me and I would have to stay in hospital for observation. That's how this image seems to have formed in my head. Otherwise, I can remember one or two pictures from kindergarten. I remember that I didn't feel well and that I was always washing dishes. Again, my mother told me that kindergarten wasn't really my thing and the kindergarten teachers also found me kind of annoying. The kindergarten teachers' main reason for this was that I didn't want to/couldn't take a nap! That's why they kept me busy washing up. You can do it, but you don't have to. I can hardly remember elementary school either. My first memories of school came when I moved from primary school to secondary school, around the age of nine or ten. Before that, there is virtually nothing. But even my school days are barely in my memory. What's worse, however, is that I have hardly any memories of our family life. I don't know what our Christmas celebrations were like, the many birthdays or much else. I think that's a shame.