Hana: E-Book

Guy New York

• Herausgeber: QNY
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Beschreibung

From rooftop sex to an especially fun party, Hana is an erotic journey that covers the emotional side of open and polyamorous relationships as well as the physical. 

It follows the story of Guy New York as he meets Hana, falls head over heels in love, and of course has to navigate and negotiate with his other partners.

While full of hot explicit sex, the story also delves into what honest communication means and the challenges that come with open relationships.

Hana is a short erotic tale (about 10,000 words) of love, lust, open relationships, and sex in New York City. 

Leseprobe

PROOF FOR REVIEW

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YOURS,PRONOUN¶

HANA:

An Erotic Polyamorous Romance

Guy New York

QNY

Thank you for reading. If you enjoy this book, please leave a review or connect with the author.

All rights reserved. Aside from brief quotations for media coverage and reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced or distributed in any form without the author’s permission. Thank you for supporting authors and a diverse, creative culture by purchasing this book and complying with copyright laws.

Copyright © 2017 by Guy New York

Published by QNY

Cover image © The Dirty Gentleman

Cover design by Guy New York

Interior design by Pronoun

Distribution by Pronoun

ISBN: 9781508061465

TABLE OF CONTENTS

April 23: Hana

April 24: Sarah

April 26: Breakfast With John

April 30: Alice

May 5: First Date

May 10th: Sarah and The Rain

May 11: Sarah Returns

May 13: A Text Message

May 17: Blind Tiger

May 19: A Sudden Shower

May 22: Lonelier Than I Am

May 28: The Husband

June 2: The Dirty Gentleman

June 3: A Modest Proposal

June 5: In The Park

June 13: Brutal Honesty

June 17: The Highline

June 18: Bloody Marys

June 21: I Don’t Love You

June 24: The Party

June 25: Sarah

July 7: I just Kissed Your Girlfriend

July 12: Learning to Say No

July 19: A Roof with a View

About The Author

APRIL 23: HANA

~

I met her on the first day of spring.

She was a friend of a friend, and she showed up at a photo shoot looking like she just came from the gym. In St. Moritz.

We shot her, but I couldn’t stay in the room. The Dirty Gentleman (he takes the photos) did his job and Rhyming Jenny (she can’t lie, old gypsy curse, you get the idea) smiled as she did makeup and costume. In fact, everyone else was completely at ease as this amazing woman walked through our lives like nothing had changed.

Her name was Hana, and I sat next to her in the cab ride to the restaurant where we were celebrating our day of hard work after the shoot. She talked more than I did, but the few words of thanks I managed to get out rolled off her like soft rain on the windshield. She smiled and shook her head. She put her hand on my arm and turned everything around with one sentence. By the time we got out of the cab I was watching her calves as she stepped up onto the curb in hopes that I might forget her blue eyes.

Later on I kissed her goodnight. It was chaste and polite and she said let’s get together again. It wasn’t until I was sitting on the couch with The Dirty Gentleman and Rhyming Jenny that I realized anyone else had even noticed.

“That girl is going to murder you in your sleep,” Jenny said.

“No, she’ll just make you wish she did,” added The Gentleman.

“I didn’t think you noticed,” I offered with utter exhaustion.

“It’s Springtime. Watching Guy New York fall in love with the wrong girl is a citywide pastime. I think this time you’re fucked.”

“I say go for it.”

I looked over at him after he said it and smiled. He was completely sincere and, of course, so was she. I pulled out my phone and showed them the one photo of Hana I had managed to take during the shoot. She was smiling with her head down in just the right way. She looked fierce and content all at the same time.

“Yup,” Rhyming Jenny said again. “You’re fucked.”

APRIL 24: SARAH

~

THE NEXT MORNING MY girlfriend Sarah woke me up with a gentle motion, and I discovered I was already hard against her.

It was raining outside and I managed to blink a few times, but the window was open and there was a cup of coffee sitting on the bedside table. The rain sounded long and slow and the few clothes she slept in were lying at the foot of the bed.

She pressed against me, her skin soft and warm, and I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the back of her neck. She reached a hand between her legs, moaning ever so slightly, before bringing her fingers to my mouth.

“I’d think you’re more awake than I am,” I whispered.

“You feel awake to me,” she replied as she lifted her knee just enough to capture me between her strong thighs. She moved her hips ever so slightly as her fingers pressed me against her. Without another word, I pushed gently on her upper back until she was perfectly positioned. We both moaned (in harmony of course) as I slid inside her, and I forgot completely about the rain.

“Good morning,” she said, a bit louder this time as my thrusts increased in speed. My fingers tightened on her skin as I pulled her body hard against mine, and her hips moved faster as we found just the right angle.

I tried to think of the right thing to say, but she clenched her thighs around me and squeezed so hard that I bit my lip instead. Without thinking I threw her onto her back and was between her legs and inside her before either of us could miss our connection. She arched her back up to meet me, and I bit her neck just hard enough for her to scream.

Two seconds later I was coming and she encouraged me with everything. When I collapsed onto her she mumbled a groan until I rolled to one side with a gasp of breath. She sat up and kissed my forehead with a smile.

“You didn’t come,” I finally said. It wasn’t a question at all.

“I think you may be more awake than I am,” she whispered.

“Maybe coffee will help?”

“And maybe we’ll just have to try again this afternoon.”

I kissed her once more and closed my eyes. I went from waking up to coming in less than five minutes. I went from a deep sleep to fucking, and from dreaming to dreaming again. It wasn’t until I thought the word dream that the images came back to me. I told myself there wasn’t a connection at all, but everything I could remember involved two perfect calves and bright blue eyes.

APRIL 26: BREAKFAST WITH JOHN

~

THERE WERE DAFFODILS IN April. They appeared before anything else turned green, and for a whole week they were our only hope.

“I think I’m in trouble,” I said one morning over breakfast and coffee. I meet up with a friend once a week before work, and it’s a nice relief from our day-to-day schedules. We go to the same diner and order the same thing; it’s a ritual and a habit that works well for us.

We could see the flowers from our window seat and they woke me up as much as anything else. John looked up with a knowing glance and just smiled. He always lets me continue as I might.

“There’s this girl…”

“From the shoot?”

“Was there a newsletter? What the fuck? How come no one told me about this? I mean, yeah, the girl from the shoot, but how did you know?”

“I was on a date last night with Rhyming Jenny’s boyfriend’s girlfriend: the one with the shaved head and the lip ring. It just came up.”

“So, her boyfriend’s girlfriend just happened to tell you I had a new crush? Don’t I get to be the one to share these things? And here I was getting all excited.”

“I don’t even know her name. If that helps.”

“Her name is Hana. Her name is fucking Hana.”

“And you have a crush. I don’t see the problem.”

“Oh, it’s not a problem. I mean, unless you count not sleeping, thinking about her constantly, and trying not to call anyone the wrong name a problem. She’s just a girl I have a crush on, and who knows where it will go.”

“I love crushes. Especially in Spring when the daffodils are up and the days are getting longer. They’re small offerings that remind us the warmth is coming back and we don’t have to worry. Even when they don’t last—and they don’t last—they’re a good thing. Think of her like a flower. Something good will come.”

“You always think something good will come.”

“It’s my gift.”

“And why I love you.”

“I love you too. Flowers, crushes, and all.”

We finished our breakfast and half of me felt better. The other haft felt nervous, excited, and a bit crazy all at once. I hardly knew this woman, but my mind wouldn’t leave her alone and there was nothing I could do but wait.

Later that day I made the phone call. It was Tuesday after the photo shoot, and I hoped it was long enough and soon enough all at the same time. I wanted to write her a note, but real men make phone calls.

I’ve asked every girl I know and while it may be easier to Facebook, text, or e-mail, real men make phone calls. It’s a sign of the times—for better or for worse— and there is nothing to be done about it. We pick up the phone to show we have balls, and even if we leave an awkward voicemail it’s better than a fucking tweet.

“Hey, it’s Guy New York, and I just wanted to thank you for coming out to our shoot last week. It was a complete pleasure to have you there, and I’m so grateful for your time. If you, um, want to grab a drink sometime give me a call. It’ll be my treat.”

That went well, I thought to myself.

APRIL 30: ALICE

~

Having multiple partners means knowing whom to ask which questions.

I was sitting next to Alice at Lilly’s Bar one afternoon and she was making something out of her napkin. Her drink was nearly untouched and her coat was still on. She ordered a burger—rare—and once again she had forgotten her phone. She was exactly the right person to ask.

“I think I just asked a girl out,” I said between sips of my gin and tonic. It was cold and raining, but I wanted it to feel like summer.

“I don’t want to hear about it.”

“What? You always want to hear about these things.”

“I’m feeling jealous and insecure and it’s been a shitty month. I don’t want to hear about it. Can’t we just fuck in the bathroom and talk about summer? I’m tired of being cold.”

I put an arm around her and kissed her cheek. She put her hand on my leg and kissed my lips. I took a sip of her drink and she polished mine off in one gulp before sliding her fingers along my thigh until she found what she wanted.

“You like fucking me, don’t you?” she whispered.

I twitched in my jeans and she didn’t need a response.

“You like holding me tightly, bending me over, and fucking me like a little whore. You like it when I beg and scream, and you like to bite me to keep me quiet. You want to fuck me right now, you filthy boy.”

We were in the bathroom two seconds later and the door was locked. I kissed her with more teeth than lips and her hand never left my cock. I had to resist completely removing her belt, but her jeans slid down around her knees before I could think too much. She turned around without asking, and I fumbled with the condom wrapper. My fingers were sticky already, but before long she was guiding me into her, and I was fucking her with quick long strokes.

Who does this? I thought as I held onto her hips and pulled her hard against me. Who fucks in bathrooms on Sunday afternoons while the bar is loud outside? Who fucks during brunch?

I reached a hand around her, and my fingers found her clit as I struggled to stay inside her. I leaned back further and thrust harder as I pressed against her. I circled, rubbed and pressed—letting her voice dictate my direction—and she came around me before I said a word. All the dirty names and insults were left stuck in my throat as she called herself everything I might have said.

Trembling and shaking, she leaned her elbows against the wall as I pulled up my jeans. I tossed the condom in the garbage and kissed the small of her back.

“Get dressed, we’re going to get kicked out.”

“I don’t care,” she mumbled. “Let them kick us the fuck out, I need a few minutes.”

I leaned forward and kissed her again. I wrapped my arms around her and held her there in complete silence.

Knowing who to ask is so important, I thought.

MAY 5: FIRST DATE

~

May brought the first warm weather and a first date as well.

We met at Schiller’s Liquor Bar and we drank summer beer and cucumber martinis. She sat across from me and we touched fingers as we ate. She laughed when I tried to be funny, but her shoulders never dropped and she fidgeted with her napkin all through dinner.

“Hana, is everything alright?” I finally asked.

“Everything is wonderful, I’m just… I’m a little nervous.”

I had to sit back for a moment because it hadn’t occurred to me that nervous was a setting she had.

“Why are you nervous?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I’ve heard about you for three months, I’ve read your writing, seen your photos, and now we’re on a fucking date! Dates make me nervous. Especially first dates. Why couldn’t you have asked me out on a second date?”

“Should we end this date right now?”

“What?” She raised her eyebrows and frowned at me.

“I mean, end the first date and then start the second one. Just to get it out of the way. First dates make me nervous too.”

“So, right now the first date is over, and we just started the second one?” She smiled and put her napkin down. She took a sip of her drink, and I reached out and held her hand. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.

“Second dates are so much easier. Plus, I have all that kissing to look forward to.”

“Oh, we’re going to kiss later?”

“I think maybe right now,” she said leaning forward. I tried not to look around the crowded bar, and I tried not to feel shy. I reached a hand out to touch her cheek and her lips were soft and warm with just a hint of cucumber.

The bar vanished and we didn’t stop. The sounds faded away, and we kept on kissing. It wasn’t until someone coughed next to us that we pulled back and stared at each other.

“Second dates are definitely better.”

“You know what I like even more?” she asked.

“What’s that?”

“Third dates. On third dates, we get naked.”

“Um, is this date over then?” I put a sheepish grin on, that sometimes worked.

“No, but I’m free two Thursdays from now if you are. I already asked my husband.”

We finished our drinks, cleaned our plates and walked out into the warm evening with our fingers tangled up together. Best two dates ever, I thought.

~

Sarah was in bed when I got home. The lights were off, but she was reading twitter under the covers on her iPhone. I kissed her when I crawled in next to her and she snuggled up against me.

“So, how was it?”

“How was what?”

“How was your date with Hana?”

“Oh, that date.”

“You’re impossible. I can already tell that it was perfect, your crush is bigger than ever and you didn’t sleep with her.”

“How can you tell all that just by looking at me?”

“I don’t have to look. I know you.”

MAY 10TH: SARAH AND THE RAIN

~

“It’s raining again,” Sarah said.

I nodded my head, unwilling to roll over and actually look out the window. It had rained for months (or days) and I was almost used to it. I missed the sun and I missed the blue sky, but it was warm out and with each rainstorm the world got greener. Trees I hadn’t noticed all winter suddenly lined the streets, and flowers bloomed in places I didn’t think they could. Best of all, the days were getting longer, and I walked out of my office each evening into daylight.

“Can we stay in bed all day?” I asked into my pillow.

“You can, but I have to go to the gym. And then get my hair done. And then I have a date tonight.”

I rolled over and looked at her.

“You have a date tonight? Did I know this?”

“Yes it’s on our calendar and we talked about it yesterday morning.”

“Was I awake?”

“As awake as you are now,” she said throwing off the covers and stumbling towards the shower.

I thought about following her, but the bed was warm and the sheets were soft. I imagined her standing under the hot water and suddenly my body was more awake than my mind. I rolled onto my back and wrapped my hand around my slowly hardening cock. I could hear her singing, and I wondered if she’d get laid on her date.

I stared out the window thinking about too many things at once, and my hand moved faster. Would she come home tired and sore? Would she call to say she’d be late, and would I be able to tell when I kissed her?

I thought of her arched back and her open mouth doing things to him she didn’t often do with me. I thought of her moans and the sounds she makes when she comes with someone for the first time, and I could feel the blood pumping beneath my fingers. I rolled onto my stomach and pictured the face she makes when she has a cock inside her.

I heard the shower go off just as I started to come, and I tried not to moan as I shook and trembled on the bed.

“Are you awake yet?” she called out.

“No,” I mumbled as I slowly caught my breath.

MAY 11: SARAH RETURNS

~

IT WAS MY TURN to pretend I was sleeping when Sarah walked in the door at one in the morning. She was quiet as she washed her face and brushed her teeth, and I kept silent as long as I could. I kept looking at her through the open door, wondering if I could tell anything by the way she looked.

“Did you have fun?” I asked.

“Yup,” she said, her mouth full of toothpaste. I always have perfect timing.

“You get laid?” I asked again, unsure if I really wanted to know the answer. It’s not that I was jealous so much as envious. I had spent the evening watching movies on Netflix and trying not to go through too much of my single malt collection. It was a nice quiet night, but I was lonely and wanted someone I loved next to me.

“Yyrrrrrpppposssssoo,” she said again, the electric toothbrush buzzing in her mouth.

“What the heck is yrrpspsoooo?” I asked.

A few seconds later she spit out the toothpaste and walked back into the bedroom. She leaned down and kissed me.

“I did. We had sex, it was safe, and fun. And now I’m ready for bed.”

“You’re not up for more?” I asked, half joking and half hoping she’d say yes.

“I’m so tired, baby. Maybe tomorrow? Or Saturday morning? We always have good sex on Saturday mornings.”

I kissed her and she kissed me back for a long slow moment. When she turned away from me I wrapped my arms around her and pulled up the covers. She took my hand in hers and within moments she was sound asleep.

MAY 13: A TEXT MESSAGE

~

“I liked kissing you,” the text message read.

I tried not to jump up and down and I tried to not to let my smile injure my face. I was sitting at our round office table with a client and there is nothing less professional than whooping with glee over a simple text message.

“Is everything okay?” my client asked me.

“Oh, it’s fine. I just heard back about another project.”

“Going well?”

“I think it is. Now where were we?”

He started talking again, and I tried not to look at my phone as I typed. I tried not to tap my feet and I tried not to burst out laughing.

“We’ll have to do it again Thursday,” I wrote. Technically I wrote “agin tursday” but if my client noticed me texting at all, he didn’t say a word.

MAY 17: BLIND TIGER

~

THE BLIND TIGER WAS crowded for a Tuesday, but we still found a seat at the bar and Katie managed to say hi over the noise of the crowd. It was May, but it was chilly and still raining outside, so despite being one of the best beer bars in New York, John and I ordered a bottle of Malbec and sat there with two glasses and big grins.

“It’s good to see you,” he said resting his hand on my knee. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too. I feel like spring has gotten away from us. It’s been hot and cold and rain and dry, and everyone is coughing and sneezing from all this damn pollen. How sexy.”

“I know! I’ve been sneezing for a week and it sucks. My whole family has been sick recently.”

Katie filled our glasses and chatted with us for a few moments as we clinked our cups and filled her in on the last few weeks. I tried to keep quiet about my new crush, but my date poured it all out and she smiled and topped off my glass.

“So, when are we going to get this threesome together?” he asked when we were alone again.

“What do you want it to be like?” I whispered.

“I don’t care! I just want you and Alice in a hotel without anyone bothering us for a very long time.”

It was a dream we had been passing around for months. The three of us kissed in bars and on street corners. We made out at parties, and we held hands when we took taxis together, but somehow we never managed to end up alone. We never managed to lose much clothing and we never managed to move past frustrating and into awesome.

“I don’t know if I want to watch you two more or make her watch us.”

He leaned in closely as he put his hand back on my knee.

“I think we should make her watch us until she can’t handle it any more. I think we should kiss and undress each other until she begs to join in. I want to hold you hard in my hand and watch her smile change to total lust as she watches us. I want her to be bursting by the time either one of us fucks her.”

I opened my eyes and somehow the bar felt quieter. Our seats were so close together no one could reach between us to order a drink, and our glasses were touching. I kissed him quickly before pulling back.

“I think that sounds perfect. I should probably mention it to Sarah.”

MAY 19: A SUDDEN SHOWER

~

Thursday was suddenly hot.

The rain burned off, but the humidity stuck around and by the time I met up with Hana I was exhausted, sweaty, and stuffy. In other words, I was sexy as could be.

“I feel like I’ve been hit with water balloons full of hot salt water,” she said when I kissed her. I didn’t pull her close to me, and I didn’t wrap my arms around her. In fact, I gently brushed her hair away from her cheek and touched her shoulder to avoid any more contact than was necessary.

“It’s awful,” I agreed. “This weather was made to make us miserable. Are there any bars with big showers nearby so we can sit and drink naked under cool water?”

“You know, that’s not a bad idea. I don’t mean the bar, but a shower. I, um, have the place to myself until ten tonight.”

I looked at her and grinned. She was totally serious and as much as it terrified me, it sounded perfect. Maybe all third dates should start out in the shower. It certainly takes some of the pressure off.

Twenty minutes later we were pulling our clothes off without any ceremony whatsoever. We didn’t tease each other or even help. I pulled off my belt and my pants as she stepped out of her dress with a sigh. She had the shower on and running, and before I could make any decisions at all, her bra and panties were on the floor next to my clothes, and she was standing naked under the slightly warm water.

I climbed in behind her and kissed the slope of her neck as the water ran down her body. She put her hands on my shoulder and gently pushed me away.

“What is it?” I asked.

“You saw me naked at the photo shoot, but I haven’t seen you. I want to take you all in now that I can breathe again.”

I stood back and tried not to flex humorously. I tried not to make a silly face or suck in my tummy and it took every effort I had. She wanted to see me, not me trying to hide behind myself. I closed my eyes and let the water fall over me. Just let her look, I thought. Just let it be.

Before I could finish my thought I felt her wet hand around me followed by her warm mouth. It took longer than I wanted for me to grow hard, but she stayed there, kneeling on the floor of the shower, as she kissed me, pulled on me, and squeezed me in all the right ways. I brushed her hair out of her face and watched the water run down her cheek as she took me into her mouth again, and I held on to the walls as best I could.

“I like your cock,” she said looking up at me. I was hard, and her fingers were wrapped tightly around me. I reached down and pulled her up, because if I waited any longer to kiss her I was going to go crazy. My hands slid down her back pulling her tightly to me as I tasted her breath, lips, and tongue. My cock pressed into her stomach.

I slid my hand down over her ass and between her thighs. I kissed her neck as my fingers slid inside her, and she was warm and wet without any assistance from the weather at all.

“Bed,” she said between breaths, and we didn’t bother with towels as we stumbled out of the shower.

The moment she was on her back I had her legs open and my mouth between them. I licked the water from her thighs, slid my fingers back inside her and tasted her for the first time. She grabbed my hair with her right hand and pulled hard enough to make me scream. I wanted to drown between her thighs and never come up, but she pulled me harder until I slowly moved up her body.

I kissed her stomach, loving her perfect navel and soft hips before moving between her breasts. I took each nipple between my teeth and then bit her neck as my fingers slipped up between her lips and along her tongue. My mouth followed them and we kissed with bites and gasps that didn’t seem to end.

“Fuck me,” she whispered.

~

Sarah was tossing and turning when I finally got home.

“I couldn’t sleep. I hate that I can’t sleep when you’re out.”

“I’m sorry, love,” I said as I crawled into bed next to her.

“How was it?” she asked.

“It was nice.”

“Okay, you’re going to have to give me more than that. Nice is not a decent description of your evening, no matter what. Unless you sat and chatted about puppies and flowers, I need to hear more.”

I groaned and tried to figure out where to begin.

“Did you have sex?”

“That’s a good question. I mean, technically yes, but it’s complicated.”

“Was everything safe?” she asked sitting up in bed with a worried look.

“Yeah, it wasn’t that. It was just… everything was going perfectly until we got to the sex part. I mean, we took a shower together, and it was easy. I was hard as a rock and when we got to her bed I was ready. I wanted her so badly, but when she told me to fuck her it just stopped. I didn’t stop, but my body wouldn’t let me go any farther, and I didn’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry, love,” she whispered. “I’m sure she was ok with it. What did she do?”

“She was amazing. She kissed me and we did other things. She showed me how to touch her and what felt best. We talked and laughed, and she promised she was having a great time no matter what. I felt stupid half the time and grateful the other half. She was so kind, and after a while it was okay.”

“So, you did fuck her?”

“She was on top of me and she was being incredibly sweet. I was kissing her and staring at her and suddenly I was hard and throbbing and she had a condom on me in seconds. She knelt above me and rubbed me against herself, and I was calm and cool. I was like, this is how it works out sometimes, and it’s all good.”

“So, what happened?”

“She pushed down around me, and I moaned and she sighed, and everything was perfect for about forty-five seconds.”

“You came?”

“No, her husband came home. We were just starting to move together and we heard the door open. She looked at the clock and realized what time it was, and before I knew it she had her dress on and I was pulling on my shirt. I didn’t even take off the condom as I pulled up my pants. I felt like I was in high school.”

“Did he freak out?”

“He was completely cool. He was like, don’t hurry on my account. I’m having a beer in front of the air-conditioner. He was great, but it wasn’t the way I imagined meeting her husband the first time. We went out and had a beer with him and he was awesome. He laughed and smiled and was as polite as can be. He was happy to meet me and sorry to have interrupted.”

“Damn, I don’t know that I would have been that nice.”

“Me neither. Anyway, we talked for a bit and she walked me out and said let’s do it again soon. So, it was great, but I still feel stupid for some reason. She was sweet and sexy, and it should have been perfect. Fuck, it was kind of perfect, but I don’t know. I feel silly.”

“You know what I think?”

“What’s that?”

“It sounds like a lovely second date to me. And the next time will be better.”

“It was technically a third date, and I love you.”

“You better fucking love me. How many girls do you know who would sit here and sympathize with their boyfriend about having trouble getting hard for some other girl?”

“I think one is probably the right number.”

“And don’t you forget it. Now wrap your arms around me and go to sleep. I have the air-conditioner set to sixty-two and I’m freezing.”

“Yes, dear,” I said.

MAY 22: LONELIER THAN I AM

~

Alice fucks me like it’s going out of style.

She’ll take me out and put me in her mouth no matter where we are, and when we’re alone we scream and scratch until the early morning. She texts me dirty notes, sends me delightful photos, and comes around me on a moment’s notice.

When we’re not fucking we’re laughing, and when we’re not laughing we’re drinking. Often we’re doing all three.

What we don’t do is see each other all that often, and our lives carry us in different directions. She’s like a best friend who I fuck, and I love, but sometimes we’re in different places. Often one of us is struggling with real life and while that’s okay, it means we end up talking as much as fucking. Both are amazing, but it often feels like we’re missing each other, and we don’t know how to fix it.

The last time we fucked was hot and amazing, but somehow we both ended up in tears. They weren’t tears of ecstasy and they weren’t tears of joy either. Neither one of us came, and we lay there exhausted as we wondered out loud if we had somehow failed. We didn’t even know why we were crying.

“Sex isn’t always about coming.”

“Yeah, but good sex often includes it.”

I smiled and nodded and realized that I did want to come. I was tired and insecure, but I wanted to get off and there didn’t seem to be any way to make that happen.

“Maybe we’ll come in the morning,” I said.

“Maybe I should go home,” she replied.

“What? You don’t have to go home. Just because it wasn’t perfect doesn’t mean I don’t want you here. I like curling up next to you.”

“No, you like sleeping on that side of the bed because we’re both too big to and too warm all the time.”

“Well, I like the idea of curling up next to you.”

She leaned in and kissed my nose.

“You, sir, are a silly boy. A cute silly boy, but silly all the same. I think I’m going to leave though. I want to sleep in my bed, and Keiko sleeps better when I’m home. I know she wasn’t expecting me, but…”

I wanted to argue with her, and I wanted to convince her to stay, but the words didn’t come. I wanted to make up with excuses with strong words of persuasion, but instead I helped her find her clothes. I walked her out onto the street and kissed her goodbye. I wondered if I should feel lonelier than I did.

When I crawled back into bed I found myself thinking dirty thoughts once again and I was glad to be alone. I was glad to know what my partner (namely me) wanted, and exactly how to get him off. I rolled onto my stomach, closed my eyes, let my mind wander, and in minutes I was coming and shaking and smiling like the big fool that I am.

MAY 28: THE HUSBAND

~

“So what are your intentions with my wife?” Mark asked.

Sarah was sitting next to me, and Hana was next to her husband; it took me a moment to figure out if he was joking.

“I was thinking some light bondage, a trip to the zoo, and possibly a picnic next weekend.”

“We actually have a rule about that,” he replied. All three of us looked at him with confusion.

“No bondage at the zoo. It scares the animals.”

“How about the blind animals? Can I tie her up near the bat cage?”

“Only during the day. Bats sleep during the day. But don’t tie her to the cage. Trust me, it looks like a good idea, but it never is.”

“I think maybe you two should go out instead,” Hana injected. “Or at least fuck and get it over with. He’s MY new boyfriend Mark, remember?”

I looked across the table at her and smiled.

“Boyfriend?” I asked.

“You know… I mean we’ve had like three dates and my husband already walked in on us fucking. I think you’re my boyfriend now. If you’re okay with that.”

“Oh, thank God.”

Everyone looked at Sarah when she said it, but she just smiled.

“Seriously,” Mark replied. “You two have been like high school kids since you met at the photo shoot. If you’re not dating then I don’t know who is. Besides, you already fucked my wife. You should at least have the decency to take her out again.”

“I have the best life ever,” I said taking a long sip from my beer.

I leaned forward again, reached out one hand, and within seconds Hana and I were kissing over the table while our partners pretended to hide their heads in shame.

JUNE 2: THE DIRTY GENTLEMAN

~

“HOW THE HELL DO I mix gratitude with confusion, worry, and general good old fashioned anxiety?”

The Dirty Gentleman looked at me with a knowing nod. It was a conversation we’d had before, and he was on the few people who understood.

“You mean, you live with Sarah who’s amazing, brilliant and gorgeous, you get to fuck Alice at parties and wherever else you see her, and now you and Hana are going out too, but you still feel like everything might go to hell in a handbasket?”

“Something like that. It’s more like I think I should only feel gratitude. Does that make sense? I feel like I’m selfish if I ever complain. If Sarah frustrates me or Alice pushes too hard I feel like I have no right to complain. After all, my life is great! I love my job and my friends, and I have amazing women in my life who all want to fuck me. How can I complain about anything?”

“Tell me about it. I have two girlfriends, a few friends with benefits, a service sub, and a slave or two, but does that mean everything is easy? I try not to relate them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I try to separate the things that are difficult from the things I’m happy about. I’m allowed to have a good life and still struggle. The fact is, it’s complicated. Having one partner is hard enough, but having three? Sure, it’s wonderful and amazing, but it also takes a whole hell of a lot of work. We’re told that love and sex are the ideal. They’re all we should need to be happy, but at the end of the day there’s a whole lot more to it. It’s possible for life to be great and difficult all at once.”

“I’ll try to remember that.”

“Yeah. And if it still brings you down you can always just drown yourself in pussy.”

“Right. I’ll cry myself all the way to the bedroom.”

“We’re such assholes.”

“Incredibly nice assholes.”

“With so much fucking gratitude it drives us insane.”

“So may it be.”

JUNE 3: A MODEST PROPOSAL

~

“John and Alice and I want to have a threesome.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because we talk about this shit. I don’t want to just come home one night and say, oh, by the way Sarah, I fucked John and Alice this afternoon. It was pleasant.”

“If you told me it was pleasant I would laugh so hard I might pee myself.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Where are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know. We were thinking of getting a hotel, but hotels are expensive. Maybe we could do it here?”

“Ah, so what you’re really saying is you want to have a threesome and I need to find somewhere else to be. You want to fuck in our bed and you don’t want me to be here.”

“Of course, I want you to be here. I mean, not for this, but it’s not like I’m trying to throw you out.”

“Did it occur to you to invite me?”

“If you want to have a foursome, let’s talk about it, but this is different. The three of us get along really well in a way that no two of us does. It’s a whole different animal with the three of us, and it feels important. Besides, you and I have had threesomes together before.”

“Yeah, we had a threesome with your ex-girlfriend. I haven’t been sandwiched between you and another boy though. That sounds like a real threesome.”

“Is that something you want?”

“I think so!”

“Well, why haven’t we talked about it?

“Maybe I didn’t know until you said you wanted it with someone else, alright? And maybe I’m just a little bit jealous and envious and all that other shit. Maybe it just sounds hot, and I don’t want to miss it.”

I pulled her close to me on the couch and she rested her chin on her arms and knee.

Sarah and I rarely argue, and we’re good at communicating, but sometimes these things still feel hard. Sometimes I have to make myself say things I don’t want to say, and often I have to keep my mouth shut rather than jump to defend myself or talk my way out of something.

“We can have a threesome with a boy. But I want to do this too.”

“I know. And I think you should. I just…”

“What is it?”

“It’s just feeling hard for some reason and I don’t know why. I feel stupid that it feels hard and I don’t like that either. I want to be ok with everything and smile and ask you to take pictures so you can fuck me later as we look through them. But I’m not there right now.”

“I like that you’re where you are. And that you’re honest about it.”

“As long as you promise, it’s ok.”

“Promise what?”

“Promise that I get to climb between you two sometime and get my brains fucked out until I can’t see straight.”

“I think we can arrange that.”

She leaned back and kissed me. I brushed the hair from her eyes and held her close. Holy shit, I thought to myself. This might actually happen!

JUNE 5: IN THE PARK

~

Our date in the park was dangerously perfect.

Hana and I met after work and we snuck two bottles of wine and some fresh fruit onto a hillside. We lay out on a blanket, watched dogs, drank, and stole kisses as the daylight slowly faded. Our kisses grew longer the darker it got and by the time the lamps in Central Park came on she was rubbing me through my light cotton pants and my hand was creeping up her thigh beneath her dress.

“I could just climb on top of you and no one would even know,” she whispered.

“I could have fingers inside you without making a sound.”

“I could suck your cock while pretending to lie in your lap, and we could pull the blanket up over us.”

“I could bite your thighs and fuck you with my tongue…”

“And the entire park would notice, because I would scream so loudly the rangers would be here with lights on.”

We laughed, but we didn’t stop touching. Her knee moved over my lap, gently sliding up and down my length as my fingers found the back of her thigh. We kissed between words and our sentences grew slower and deeper as we pushed ourselves towards the inevitable. By the time she told me how she could have me inside her as she pressed her back against me, we both knew what would happen.

She lay back onto the blanket and we looked around to find the park quiet and nearly empty. We were under a tree on the hill, and it was dark and still warm. I slid my knee between her legs as I pushed my body closer to her and her deft fingers unzipped me in silence. I handed her the condom, and she rolled it down over me without missing a beat.

I could feel her through the light cotton covering her, and I pushed it aside as I rubbed slowly against her. She twisted her hips just right, and I lifted her knee higher as I slid inside. She let out a gentle moan as I kissed her mouth and our bodies melted together.

We lay there for a long time barely moving until she climbed on top of me. Her dress flowed out around us, but her fingers had me back inside her in seconds and even a passerby would have only been able to guess. She moved slowly above me, lifting herself up on her knees until I almost slipped out, then dropping her body around me again sending shivers down my leg and up my spine.

She pushed fingers through my hair and I touched her thighs with the back of my hands. She smiled at me and I opened my eyes so as not to miss a thing. She clenched her strong muscles around me, and I pushed my hips up off the ground until I was as far inside her as I could go.

For a moment I thought we might go on like that for hours, but it was too much. It was slow and powerful, but our bodies needed more. I looked around us and saw just one couple wandering past us disappearing around a corner.

She was on her back and I was inside her before I could look around again. I bit her lip and thrust against her until it was clear what we were doing.

“Fuck me,” she whispered, and I did. I fucked her and bit her, and she scratched my back with nails I didn’t know she had. I pulled her legs up between us, I lifted her dress and watched our bodies connect, and she rubbed her clit as I moved faster and faster between her now red thighs.

The first shiver signaling her orgasm set me off. She clenched and screamed, and I arched my back as we fucked. I tightened my legs, pulled her to me and finally closed my eyes as I felt my own release match hers. Both our orgasms seemed to last forever, and I shook over and over again. I closed my eyes and opened them and her fingers stayed where she needed them even as her body began to slow. We kissed as the last tremors moved through us and she wrapped her arms tightly around my back.

“I totally fucking love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” I said.

JUNE 13: BRUTAL HONESTY

~

I GO TO RHYMING Jenny when I want hard truths. They call honesty brutal for a reason and that reason is Jenny. Don’t get me wrong, she has a kind heart, but that kind heart knows that lies don’t help anyone in the long run. Thank god we don’t all live for the big picture.

“Is it really possible to love three people at the same time?”

“Sure, you’re just not very good at it.”

I usually require a few minutes of silence after one of those truths, but I was feeling defensive.

“I’m not terrible though. I’m good and honest with them all, I share what needs to be shared and I don’t use one as an excuse to the others.”

“The kind part isn’t what’s hard for you Baby Doll. You can be perfectly sweet to those girls and still fuck it all up. In fact, you’re problem is that you don’t always say the hard stuff because you don’t think it’s nice.”

“I don’t have anything hard to say!”

See what I mean about being defensive?

“That’s good then. I’m glad you don’t need to tell Sarah you’re in love, and it’s hard not to think about the new girl when you’re fucking her. And you definitely don’t need to tell Alice that she’s more of a best friend than a lover, and as for Hana…”

“What about Hana?” You see what’s going on here? I didn’t even think about the first two things she said. She mentions one name and it’s all gone like ancient history. It means that she doesn’t even have to argue with me anymore because I already lost the battle.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe that even her husband makes you jealous right now, you want to see her more often than will ever be possible, and you don’t actually know her well enough to be in love with anything other than her tits and ass.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Fine. You love her eyes and her legs too. Look, I’m not saying you only want her body, Kitty-Poo. I’m just saying you’re still crushing and you think it’s love. You let yourself fall so damn hard that you don’t even remember where you were standing and you’re going to be seriously unkind to those other lovers of yours unless you take a few breaths and put things in perspective.”

“I hate the word lover.”

“You don’t hate anything.”

“Yeah, but I don’t like it. It sounds archaic and seedy. It sounds like mistress or bit-on-the-side rather than partner. Or even girlfriend.”

“And what about John?”

“What about him?”

“You don’t even admit that he’s anything. Sure you love him and you text him every day and you spend more time with him than anyone else, but your heteroflexibility doesn’t have room for the obvious fucking conclusion that he’s your boyfriend.”

“He’s not…I mean, we’re just…”

“Yeah, see what I mean Honey-Bunches-of-Oats? It’s not like you’re mean or difficult. You’re not even flaky or dishonest. You’re just not all there sometimes, and if you don’t figure out what it means to be present it’s all going to blow up on you. Hana’s going to disappear, Sarah’s going to resent the fuck out of you, and Alice is going to wonder what happened to the boy she fell in love with.”

“Why the fuck do I hang out with you Jenny?”

“Because you love me and know what’s good for you. Also, I think you probably enjoy the abuse.”

“I don’t know about enjoy. I probably need it though.”

“Of course you do. Just be glad you’re not stuck with it forever like some of us.”

JUNE 17: THE HIGHLINE

~

I like to walk the High Line by myself.

Ok, ‘like’ may not be the right word, but I walk it anyway. The park goes from the West Village all the way up to 30th St and the old raised train line is a strange oasis. It’s just high enough that I can look into windows I pass by when I’m tired of flowers and wild grasses. It weaves under buildings, around corners, and even when it’s crowded it’s a different world.

That morning everything felt overwhelming. The steps leading up to the walkway were giant and tiring, and even the pathways were confusing as I struggled to wake up my body and mind. I sat for far too long looking up at the windows of the Standard Hotel hoping to see someone changing. I wanted a distraction in the form of a naked stranger, but even that wasn’t in the cards.

I finally found a bench that looked comfortable and possibly quieter than the others. I managed to resist pulling out my phone for a few long minutes, but it didn’t take long.

The first message went to Hana: The other night was amazing. I can’t look at a park without getting hard. I miss you.

The next one went to Sarah: I love you, Baby. Maybe on Saturday we can stay in bed all morning and drink bloody mary’s.

And then I wasn’t sure what was next. Should I text John and Alice as well? Did that make me a huge perv with a long string of lovers I could never fully commit too? Did it make me lonely or desperate? How the fuck could I feel so lonely with all the love I have in my life?

In the end I left it at that and walked down the stairs near 20th st. I bought a cup of coffee on my way across town, and I tried to think about work rather than partners. I tried to forget everything Rhyming Jenny said, and when I walked into my office I thought I might have succeeded.

I was wrong.

JUNE 18: BLOODY MARYS

~

I DID MAKE BLOODY Mary’s on Saturday morning, and Sarah and I didn’t get out of bed. We slid our clothes off and left them scrunched up at the foot of the bed. As soon as we started kissing the cats gave us annoyed looks and jumped down in search of a less noisy place to sleep. After all these years I can still be slut-shamed by a kitten.

We fed each other drinks with kisses in between, and our hands did most of the work. I teased her with two fingers—feeling her grow wetter with each moment—and she let me touch her without moving a muscle. She leaned back and opened her thighs wider, and I was once again amazed at how she felt. She was soft and tender, and each texture blended into the others.

I felt her thighs and her short red curls. I slid fingers between folds without entering her and I uncovered her clit with my thumb. I pushed inside her, squeezed her gently between fingers and stroked the soft place where her lips met her thigh. I felt wonder and amazement at the piece of art between her legs and it wasn’t until she put her drink down and climbed on top of me that I remembered it was sex at all.

I watched the rest of her body as she moved over me, and when she closed her eyes I wondered if she was thinking of someone else as well. She looked lost and far away and as I thrust up to meet her I imagined I was just a cock. I was just a toy she was using, moving her body as she needed, and the rest of me was unimportant. She circled her hips, touched herself, and dropped her head back as her moans increased.

She never called my name and when she came her eyes stayed closed and her head stayed back. She scratched my chest, and I squeezed her ass, but as hard as I tried, I didn’t come with her. I clenched my toes, thought of every girl I ever wanted and shouldn’t, and still I didn’t come. I whispered horrible things and then tender ones to myself, but despite my best effort she shook above me, and I stayed lost in my head.

Later, as she lay next to me, I kissed her fingers and finished my drink. It was spicy and strong and it made me want to fall back asleep more than get out of bed.

“Sarah?” I said.

“Uh-huh?” She answered with a yawn. She licked her lips and curled up against me pulling the blanket around us.

“I think we need to talk.”

“Can we talk later?” It was unlike her to avoid a conversation like that, but there was nothing to say. I didn’t want to talk any more than she did, and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew everything would be ok.

“Of course we can. I love you,” I said with a kiss.

“I know.”

JUNE 21: I DON’T LOVE YOU

~

I’M NOT GOOD AT saying the hard things, but who is? Sure, it’s easy for some people to say mean or nasty things, but that’s never the same. Hard truths are spoken with love and compassion rather than anger or resentment, but they sure don’t sound that way when you hear them.

“I don’t love you,” never feels like the nice thing to say and neither does, “I can’t keep her out of my mind.”

My problem is avoiding the clichés and the easy outs. It’s not you, it’s me. I just don’t want a relationship right now. I don’t have time for someone new. You know what I mean. They’re the easy outs because they avoid the hard truth in the center.

“Alice, I love you, but…”

“But what? You see me every three weeks, and I don’t ask a damn thing of you. What the fuck is going on?”

“I’m just not sure if a romantic relationship is what I need right now.”

“Guy, don’t be an asshole. At least tell me what’s going on.”

See what I mean? I’m terrible at avoiding the clichés. My only saving grace—and deepest embarrassment—is that I tend to date people who don’t put up with my bullshit.

I finished my glass of wine in one gulp and tried to screw up enough courage to say something I wasn’t quite sure of to begin with.

“You feel like a really good friend, but I don’t think I have romantic feelings for you. I mean, I love you, and I think you’re hot and sexy and fun, but I want to go drinking with you more than I want to walk on the beach. I want to take you to parties and bullshit about our lives, but I don’t want to sleep next to you. I just…”

“You just think we should break up. That’s what you’re saying.”

“No, I…”

“Don’t say no when you mean yes. I can handle you breaking up with me. I can’t handle you playing it out for the long and twisty until neither one of us wants to talk to the other because it’s so damn awkward we think we might explode. But I don’t like it.”

“I don’t like it either.”

“Yeah, but I don’t like it more. I don’t want to breakup. I like seeing you, even if it’s not all the time, and I like waking up next to you. I like fucking you and kissing you and holding you when I need to cry or scream or just crawl inside my head for a while.”

“I hate when you’re upset.”

“Me too.”

Neither one of us said anything for a while, and a part of me was relieved. Did we just break up? Is everything still going to be ok? Did I really say the hard things without leaving anything out?

“Is it Hana?”

I almost spit my wine out when she asked, and I wanted to bang my head against the table. If I thought I had said hard things, then I had suddenly stepped up to the majors and it was a whole new game. Is it Hana? Fuck, I don’t know. How can I answer that?

“What do you mean?”

“Fuck you. You know what I mean. Is it Hana? Are you just so smitten with this new girl that you can’t focus on me? Because I can actually handle that. I don’t like it, and I think you’re a dumb-ass for not realizing it’s just a crush and it will go away, but don’t fucking lie to me.”