Hilda from the Farm E-Book

Sonja Bohlen

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 393

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

Hilda Ihben grows up on a farm in East Frisia. The lives of the adults on the farm are characterized by constant hard work, which is not very profitable, and a feeling of hopelessness and despair. Hilda, who is ten years old, already helps out on the farm and is always concerned about the recognition of her parents, who, however, hardly notice her except as a free helper. A fateful accident involving a stud bull drastically changes the lives of everyone on the farm. Hilda's father leaves the farm to learn how to cope with his new circumstances at a rehabilitation clinic. Hilda enters a drawing contest sponsored by a shopping center, hoping to win the grand prize and bring a little joy into her family's life.

Leseprobe

Any inconsistencies in the text are due to the fact that it was translated using computer-aided technology for a company-wide study.

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Introduction

My story is based on true events that happened in my own life and in my family. So there is a little bit of me in Hilda, but also in Anni. The mental illness that I have attributed to Hilda is my own illness. Much of what Hilda and her family experienced in their lives on the farm are experiences that my own husband had on his parents' farm in his youth, but also events from the time since I married into my husband's farm. It was and is very important to me to show the reader how exhausting, time-consuming and often thankless life on a dairy farm can be. There is also a little bit of me in Tina, who, as a farmer's wife, is able to continue working in her own profession and therefore does not present the image of how it has always been and should continue to be. I have always been a passionate reader, it has long been my dream to write my own book, and the current realization of this dream makes me immensely happy.

1.

Hilda looked at the little kitten as it hungrily munched on the bowl of freshly milked cow's milk. She had carefully poured the milk into the small porcelain bowl, which was now the object of this little creature's desire. "Hilda, why are you crouching lazily on the floor? Make sure the calves are fed!" The mother's shrill voice made both child and kitten jump for cover. Hilda jumped up without a word and ran over to the milk chamber, the shock of this loud attack causing her to flee. "Lazy thing!" she heard her mother shout. As Hilda heaved the two heavy milk churns, which her father had previously filled with fresh cow's milk, onto the old handcart to take them over to the calf barn, she thought sadly of the argument her parents had had again that morning. It was the daily, never-ending work on the farm, caring for the animals, the work in the fields that was now added in the summer. It robbed her parents of their quality of life, as Sina's mother had explained to Hilda. Sina was Hilda's best friend and the two of them went to the fourth grade of elementary school together in the small town where they both lived. Sina's family, including her parents and her brother Sven, who was three years older, also lived on a farm. But there was also Andi, who helped Sina's family with the farm work, and Sina's grandparents also lived and worked on the farm. Perhaps that was also the reason why Sina's mother was able to work in her profession. Hilda's mother kept saying in a derogatory tone that Sina's mother was too lazy to work in the barn, but Hilda was convinced that this was not the case. Sina's mother was not lazy at all, on the contrary, Hilda always admired the family's wonderfully tidy andclean house, and best of all, there were no flies in the house; it was a mystery to Hilda how Sina's mother managed to keep those pesky little insects out of the house. In her own family home, these little troublemakers were part of everyday life in summer and Hilda was almost glad every time summer slowly turned to fall and the colder season put an end to these pests.

Now Hilda watched the little calf as it sucked its teat with relish and hungrily enjoyed the still warm milk. The calves were separated from the mother cow immediately after birth so that they could not get used to drinking from the udder. After that, it would be very difficult to get them used to the teat of the teat bucket. This morning there were eight calves to look after. Hilda loved looking after the sweet calves. She naturally wanted to do her utmost to lift the parents' spirits, and any job that was done to their satisfaction was of course an advantage. Besides, today promised to be a wonderful day. It was Sunday and Sundays were generally not good days in their home. The parents' mood was always a little worse on Sundays: they always said, Sunday or not, every day is the same for us anyway. But today they, Hilda and Sina, were invited to the birthday party of the twins Lisa and Lena from the neighboring village. The four girls had known each other since kindergarten.

The morning dragged on for an agonizingly long time. As her parents were busy in the field turning the mown grass so that it could dry into hay, Hilda made herself a sandwich to stave off hunger. She looked at the two finely wrapped parcels that she had carefully prepared for the twins and thought to herself that they would certainly be very happy.

The call of her friend from afar snapped Hilda out of her thoughts. She looked down to the road, where Sina was driving towards her happilyking. It was a warm summer's day and the children's anticipation was great.

After hastily opening presents, tearing up paper and eating delicious birthday cake, the old barn, which had been colorfully decorated and transformed into a party room, became a noisy mess. The children agreed on a game of hide and seek, which was played throughout the farmyard. The twins' family lived on a remaining farm, which their parents had bought up before they were born in order to fulfill their dream of owning a horse farm. The father was a manager in a large company and earned a good income, so they were able to invest generously and create a sizeable property.

However, the small birthday group was now primarily interested in the hay and straw barn, where there were plenty of places to hide. It seemed perfect for their plans. The afternoon developed into a merry race, romp and catch, and of course there was a wonderful romp in the hay and straw and quite a bit of straw from the upper straw store, which the children had climbed up the safe staircase, flew over the railing and down to the walkway. Hilda and Sina had been holed up in a safe hiding place for a while, giggling repeatedly at the search parties running past, when suddenly a loud male voice boomed through the straw hall. "Damn, what are you doing here? What does this place look like? Get in here now, everyone!"

The twins' father had entered the hall and the devastation he saw there caused such a sudden outburst of rage that all reason was extinguished and he almost forgot himself. The children paused so abruptly in their wild actions that they struggled to catch their breath to make sense of the situation they had found themselves in completely unnoticed. "We were playing hide and seek, Dad," came the thin voice of the braver of the two twins. It was only at this moment that Lisa realized how the barn had been ravagedand looked over anxiously at her sister, who had meanwhile entrenched herself in the background. There had already been a lot of damage, some of the bales of straw had fallen down. "This will be cleared up immediately, so the party is over. I'll lock you in here and inform your parents, they can come and see what you've done. If necessary, they can help!" The children were shocked that they were now to be locked in here and that their parents would also be informed. Quite a few of them started to cry. Hilda and Sina, who had now dared to come out of hiding, looked around anxiously and didn't quite know what to do. Hilda was sure that her parents would not come here; she knew that the work in the field had to be finished and that would take until the evening or longer. When the twins' father had left the hall at a quick pace, his face red with anger, and the children had actually heard the hall door being locked, a depressed, anxious mood spread.

The children set to work, intimidated and stiff-limbed, but at first didn't really know where to start or how to put the destroyed bales of straw back together again. During the meagre attempts, they increasingly blamed each other and heated arguments developed. While some frustratedly stacked bales of straw or collected empty drinks bags and juice bottles, the others worked with brooms and dustpans. The work was accompanied by loud accusations and insults. But before the whole situation threatened to escalate, they suddenly heard the lock on the hall door being opened again. The first snatches of conversation reached the children's ears. "Look at the mess your children have made here." The twins' father entered the hall first. Hilda now also recognized the voice of Sina's mother, who made it clear in no uncertain terms what she thought of the whole situation. "Sorry, Thomas, but in myeyes it's absolutely not right that you've locked the children in here, they're still children," she said angrily. The twins' father ran his hand through his hair and mumbled something about "fuses blown" and "put yourselves in my shoes". During the verbal arguments, Hilda saw her mother striding into the hall and was shocked to the core. "Hilda, where are you? Come here now!" Hilda's mother looked menacing and everyone present now turned their attention to the almost predator-like person rushing in. Hilda was close to fainting, her knees went weak and all color drained from her face. Slowly and with her head bowed to the ground, she broke away from the group of children and walked hesitantly towards her mother. "You ungrateful piece of work, you," she shouted at the child. "You know very well that we don't have time for such filth!" The mother took a strong swing and punched the girl in the face, knocking her to the ground. "You clean up this mess and then you help us with the hay, do you understand?" she shouted at the child, who slowly stood up and held her bleeding nose. The assembled group watched in horror at what had just happened and no one knew how to react at first. While the twins' father looked around nervously with his hands clasped at his sides, Sina's mother was the first to regain her composure and ran after Hilda's mother, who had now hastily stepped out of the hall. "I'm sorry, Anni, but I'm appalled by what you've just done here!" Hilda's mother turned around jerkily and looked Sina's mother in the face with a belligerent look. "You listen to me, Tina, how I treat my child is still my business, and if Hilda can't behave herself, then she doesn't deserve any better," she barked at her. Sina's mother had regained her composure and replied in a matter-of-fact voice: "In my eyes, the real problem here is once again with the adults. Thomas and Sabine should have made it clear to their daughters and the birthday group what is okay and where the boundaries are, so the parents of the birthday children are partly to blame! I don't think your Hilda or the other children would have done this if it had been clearly forbidden from the outset!" Hilda's mother shook with excitement and anger, but her posture also showed helplessness. "It's done now and it will be put right, God knows I don't have time for this kind of crap, my husband needs me in the field!" she replied emotionlessly and left the property.

Sina's mother looked after Hilda's mother. She clasped her forehead in resignation; sadness and bewilderment spread through her at the same time. Some children had a hard time with their parents. How were young, growing people supposed to learn to classify what was right or wrong? Most adults were far too preoccupied with themselves and paid no attention at all to the emotional world of the young, adolescent. Punishments were often meted out very quickly, but explaining the situation, making the adolescent understand what it was all about, was too much effort for many adults.

Now Sina's mother ran thoughtfully back into the hall to check on Hilda. She saw that the twins and their Sina had gathered around Hilda, handing her cloths for her bleeding nose and talking soothingly and comfortingly to her. Sina's mother noticed with a queasy feeling in her stomach that the child had not shed a tear. On the contrary: Hilda stood bravely in the middle of the small group and kept waving her head in reassurance. "Mom didn't mean it like that, she was overreacting. The hay has to be baled before the rain, you know how it is!" She raised her hands placatingly. "She'll apologize to me later," said Hilda, nodding her head as if to confirm her words. Sina's mother now saw the child smiling conciliatingly and an oppressive feeling spread through her chest. In her eyes, the girl's behavior indicated that she had probably often been confronted with similar situationsand that she also saw herself as the guilty party; she even feared that the child saw herself as an additional burden for her parents. Sina's mother now felt very sorry for Hilda and looked at the child for a while. Compared to her friends of the same age, Hilda was already quite a bit more grown up. Sina's mother put this down to the fact that the child was often left to her own devices and already had a lot of tasks to do on her parents' farm for her age, and therefore bore a lot of responsibility. With her golden blonde, curly hair, straight nose, mouth with full lips and light blue eyes, which gave her face a gentle look, she was a prettier-than-average girl, she thought to herself, and she was also very good at school, as she often heard from Sina. It was a shame that she received no support from home, where the focus was on the farm and left no room for family life.

Hilda had been very embarrassed by her mother's behavior. Being punched in the face by her own mother in front of everyone had been extremely unpleasant, and then her nose had bled and suddenly it had been so quiet in the hall that she had hardly dared to swallow. Now she was glad that the nose had stopped bleeding and everyone was concentrating on cleaning up. Although her nose hurt and felt swollen and her left cheek was hot and stinging from the powerful blow, she eagerly helped to clean up the mess. Hilda had already noticed that the eyes of the workers kept on her, even the twins' father, who, it seemed to her, was struggling with his guilty conscience, kept glancing over at her. There was resentment in the air. Get the job done as quickly as possible and then leave. Nobody wanted to argue about it any more: It would lead to nothing in the end. After everything had finally been put back in order to the satisfaction of the hall owner, the parents and children made their way home almost without a word. Only the children talked to each other and madeappointments for tomorrow's walk to school. Hilda and Sina now rode their bikes back along the familiar route that they had ridden so happily along in the early afternoon. "Totally mean of Thomas to lock us in there and even inform our parents. You have to feel sorry for Lisa and Lena with a father like that," said Sina angrily. "Yes, and I honestly believed that the twins had permission to play hide-and-seek in the hall," Hilda replied to her friend with conviction. "How's your nose now, Hilda? I was terribly frightened when your mother struck," Sina now asked her friend, looking over at her with caring eyes. Hilda looked thoughtfully at the road they were driving on and then explained to her friend that it could happen that her mother's hand slipped. "If only my mother could go to work outside, like your mother, I think she would be happier and in a better mood!" "That's what my mother has already said and she also thinks that your mother might like a change from the farm," the friend replied with conviction. "Your mother is lucky that her husband is so modern and that she can go to work. I can't imagine what would happen in our house if my mother brought up the subject!" said Hilda and looked over at Sina with a sigh. The friends smiled resignedly at each other.

The next morning, Sina was already waiting for her friend at the agreed place to join her on the way to school. Hilda's tiredness and fatigue were written all over her face and she found it difficult to greet her friend in a friendly manner. It had been very late in the field the previous evening, but despite their best efforts, the little family had not managed to get all the hay harvest under cover before the rain. After the tractor's engine had gone on strike, which the father had fortunately fixed quickly by replacing the diesel filter, the rear wheel of the trailer on which the HD bales were being transported had burst. As light rain was already falling at that moment, the decision was made to provisionally cover the fully loaded trailer with a tarpaulin on site in the field. In addition, the three of them stacked the remaining bales in the field as quickly as possible and pulled a tarpaulin over them for protection. But the hard work hadn't been so bad for Hilda. Much worse had been the disregard of her parents, who only gave harsh instructions and otherwise paid little attention to Hilda. It must have been almost midnight when Hilda arrived home on her bike, soaked from the ever-increasing rain. Her parents drove the tractor and loader into the old Gulf, which served as a storage area for the tools. There hadn't been enough space for a machine hall yet. The low price per liter of milk that the family's dairy farm received from the dairy, which collected it fresh from the farm every other day, was just enough to survive. In addition, they could not plan: The milk price was always fluctuating and they didn't know what the situation would be like in six months' time. "The world market determines the price," Hilda often heard her father say. "We farmers just have to make do with what we're given," were often his resigned words. He would have liked to give it all up and do something else, but there were just too many debts attached to the farm that had to be paid off. In small installments, bit by bit, year by year, as financially possible. When he talked about the year two thousand and nine, when the milk price had plummeted so low that the farm had to take out new loans in order to remain profitable, there was always a great deal of anger in his voice. "Why is the state letting us farmers down, why does our work have such a low status in society?" were his desperate words. "Everyone wants to eat and drink well, but the farmer drives the manure onto the field to fertilize it, then people complain about the unpleasant smell!" There was always an oppressive sense of helplessness, a feeling of being the dregs of society. Hilda had grown up with the awareness that she had to give her all every day to keep the family business going, while at the same time being on the lowest rung of society. Considering that people in agriculture worked around the clock for three hundred and sixty-five days a year, that was a real indictment of poverty. If you wanted to take a few days off, you had to find trustworthy replacements, who of course also wanted to be paid.

While the two girls drove to school together, Hilda reported that she had fallen into bed dog-tired after her exertions with the hay and had fallen straight to sleep without even having eaten another bite, which she had been very happy about in the morning, as she had spent most of the night reading or coloring in her books. This stupid feeling was to blame, this inner fear that spread through her as soon as she was alone and no noise or anything similar could distract her; then it was suddenly as if she saw herself from the outside, heard herself talking, but she couldn't really explain this terrible happening either, only it only went away again when she distracted herself. So she had no choice but to fall asleep at some point with the little night light on her bedside table, thinking about what she was doing. This morning, she had been very happy when she had discovered her lunch box filled with sandwiches in the kitchen and had eaten one of the sandwiches straight away. It had been a conciliatory sign from her mother and this feeling had made the sandwich taste twice as good.

The school morning dragged on forever and Hilda's tiredness was getting to her. It was very difficult for her to keep her eyes open and the afternoon also promised a lot of preparation for the three school tests that were still due this week.

It wasn't long until the summer vacations and therefore the end of primary school for the children. Hilda had always been a hard-working and ambitious pupil up toand so she would be going to grammar school in the city after the vacations with the grammar school recommendation. She very much hoped that Sina would also make it to grammar school. Of course, this was mutual; the girls couldn't imagine being separated in their lives. Sina had worked hard over the last six months and had improved, and now her friends were very hopeful that her efforts would be successful.

Hilda was now glad that the break bell sounded, which meant the end of school for her class today. She had planned to take a short nap after lunch so that she could then work diligently on her schoolwork. While the two girls were now on their way home on their bikes, they talked about the twins, who, as both friends had noticed, were behaving strangely during the school break after yesterday's thoroughly unsuccessful birthday party.

Apparently the father of the twins had influenced his daughters not to talk about what had happened; the two of them had ducked into a corner of the playground and were talking animatedly. It seemed as if they didn't want to be spoken to. After all, it had been an unpleasant story for everyone involved.

Sina remarked with a convinced expression: "But my mother was really right when she said that there should have been rules. None of us could have guessed that the twins had chosen the hall to play hide and seek without permission, so it seemed to me that it was planned that way!" "Me too, without a doubt," Hilda confirmed. At the well-known fork in the road, which had always been a meeting point, the two girls once again parted ways and, rolling their eyes and sighing exaggeratedly, wished each other lots of fun with their schoolwork. With a satisfied smile on their faces, they drove the short remaining distance to their respective homes.

Hilda parked her bike in the old, already crumbling wooden shed, which should have been repaired a long time ago, but as there wasn't enough time or money, it was always put off. As always, she entered the house through the side entrance, which led directly into the kitchen via a small hallway. It smelled of carrot stew and Hilda immediately realized that she was ravenously hungry. She would have liked to have tasted the stew straight away, but that was frowned upon in the house. They always ate together when everyone was sitting at the table, and a prayer was said beforehand as thanks for the good gifts on the lunch table. The mother was usually responsible for this. The mother would call out from the bedroom, where she was busy ironing: "Hilda, is that you? Why don't you set the table, your father should be here any minute!" "I'm on it," Hilda called back and took the crockery out of the cupboard. The old farmhouse, which they were the third generation to live in, was built by their ancestors at the beginning of the twentieth century and hardly anything had changed structurally since then. The kitchen, with its three-metre-high ceiling, was the hub of the house. This was where everything that concerned everyday life took place, which was of course also due to the fact that the old bar stove was located here, which was not only used for cooking, but also for heating the house. It was also home to the only television in the house, a small flat-screen TV with a remote control; the old tube TV had given up the ghost last year and had been replaced with a new one for Christmas. Since then, the remote control had been the most praised object in the household. It had always been annoying to stand at the set and switch around until a satisfactory channel was found. Most of the time it was Hilda who stood at the set, and of course she was also responsible for adjusting the volume, which had to be changed from time to time. But it was already routine for Hilda and she was always happy to do it for her parents. The first time she used the remote control therefore felt unfamiliar, evena little uncomfortable, something was missing. In the meantime, however, it was hard to imagine what it had been like without the remote control, and the new TV had such a great picture quality and the sound was much richer, more natural, that the little family kept praising it profusely, saying it was the best Christmas present ever. The TV was located in the outdated kitchen extension, which had been there since the father was a child. He was born and grew up in this house. As he was the only surviving child of his grandparents - there had been an older son, but his life had ended tragically at the age of just twenty-one - it had been clear from the outset that he would follow in his father's footsteps. But as he had never known anything other than working on the farm, that was ultimately what he wanted to do, Hilda knew from the many conversations she had overheard her parents having. Hilda's father was a rather short, very lean man with a rather reserved nature. With his half bald head and the increasingly noticeable wrinkles on his face, he looked older than the forty-six years he now counted. Compared to all the other fathers Hilda knew, he was rather quiet and always stayed in the background. Only when he was stressed or something bad had happened, which could happen very often on a farm with lots of animals and machinery, could he become very loud and quick-tempered.

As usual, not much was said during lunch, her father mentioned some work he wanted to do before the evening milking and her mother was plagued by a severe migraine, so she wanted to take a painkiller and then go to bed at lunchtime. Hilda had also intended to have a rest after lunch, but she suddenly felt so awake again that she took her school things straight out of her satchel and set off. After some time, while she was reading a factual task with concentration, immersedin thinking about the facts of the task, the kitchen door was suddenly flung open with such force that it banged loudly against the wall. Hilda dropped the book to the floor in shock and saw her father storming in, his eyes wide open and his face red with rage. He was screaming so loudly and shrieking that at first she didn't even understand what had happened. His voice began to tremble as he threw up his arms dangerously. "This monster is running me flat and no one is helping me, damn it, you're sitting here and I'm screaming my head off." Hilda immediately jumped up. "Dad, if I had heard anything, I would have rushed to you immediately." Now she noticed his bloody leg. Her father noticed her glance and looked down briefly at his injury. The heavy stud bull had gotten away from him and while he had been trying to shoo him back into his stall, the animal had lunged at him. He had been able to jump to the side at the last moment, but the animal had caught him on the shin. He waved his hand defensively. "It's just a scratch. Bring your mother, the animal is still running around in the back, we have to catch him," she heard his still furious voice calling from the hallway. Hilda's mother had overheard everything from the bedroom and had now joined her in the kitchen. "Come on, quickly, we have to help him," she said with a worried expression. Her mother had gone ahead and as she was about to enter the Gulf, she saw the massive bull running towards her. "The bull is running free in the Gulf," her mother turned to Hilda in horror. "He was supposed to be covering the cattle, but he must have escaped from Heinz," she said more to herself and looked anxiously at the door, the handle of which she was still holding. Now her father's voice sounded from the gulf: "Come here quickly, close the gate, I've driven him into the stall!" Her mother immediately tore open the door and they both ran through the Gulf towards her father, who they now saw standing in front of the animal with his arms outstretched, admonishing and holding him in check. Hilda's mother grabbed the gate, let her father scurry out and pulled it shut in a flash. Togetherthey pushed the latch forward. Breathing heavily, the three of them looked at each other, shock written all over their faces. It had been almost a year since the neighboring farmer had been pushed against the barn wall by his stud bull; the poor man had suffered several broken bones and bruised organs. He had had to endure months of hospitalization and several operations, and he was still taking strong painkillers, without which it was almost unbearable to walk. With the realization that they had once again been incredibly lucky, they turned exhausted towards the apartment building to recover from the horror with a cup of tea. The father's shin was now throbbing with pain. It almost robbed him of his senses and he could barely stand on his feet. His mother noticed his swaying and grabbed his arm, startled. "What's wrong with you? God, you're bleeding like a pig". Only now did she notice his injured leg. "I feel sick, I have to sit down," he replied with pale lips. Once in the kitchen, they maneuvered his father onto the old East Frisian sofa and carefully peeled him out of his work trousers to examine the wound. What the mother and daughter now saw was anything but harmless. A fist-sized laceration on the side of his right shin was revealed to their horrified gaze and his mother clutched her chest in horror. "We're going to the hospital immediately, we need stitches," she ordered emphatically, as she knew what her husband thought of hospitals and doctors in general. But he was now close to fainting from the pain, he was white as a sheet and beads of sweat had formed on his forehead. He realized that his circulation was failing and he thought he would hardly be able to stand up. His mother briefly considered whether it would be better to call an ambulance, but then dismissed the idea with the confidence that he would be treated more quickly if she drove off with him herself. It had been a feat of strength to get his father, who was screaming in pain and barely able to stand on his feet, into the car. Hilda had hastily moved the passenger seat into the reclining position and together mother and daughter helped their father into the car. He was now lying on the passenger seat, breathing heavily, and his mother instructed Hilda to take the cows from the pasture to the barn for milking and to start milking, then they drove off the farm. Hilda looked after them, agitated and worried at the same time. It had been almost unbearable for her to see her father in such pain, but now she had to pull herself together and hold her ground at home.

2.

Hilda and her mother were sitting at the breakfast table, the oppressive silence in the room made the whole situation seem even more unbearable for Hilda. Her father had been transferred to the intensive care unit after the wound on his shin became infected and he had developed a high temperature. The wound had been surgically cleaned and a small plastic tube had been inserted. Pus was repeatedly flushed out like a kind of drainage system. As dirt had gotten into the wound during the accident, a wound infection had naturally formed, which had to be controlled to prevent sepsis. The doctors had ruthlessly told Hilda's mother how serious her father's condition was. The next few hours would show whether sepsis could be averted; in the worst case, the lower leg would have to be amputated. It felt like being in a bad movie, a nightmare. Hilda watched as her mother poured the milk into her coffee with a trembling hand. It seemed to her that her mother, who had always been nervous and restless, had become a bundle of nerves in the last few days. She was also concerned to see that her mother had hardly eaten anything, although she was already so thin that she seemed barely able to hold her coffee cup, which she now gripped with trembling hands. She was a little taller than her father and, at 49, three years older than him. Hilda knew from stories that they had been a couple since they were teenagers. It had probably been the many strokes of fate, she thought to herself, that had made her parents so frustrated. And of course the monotonous days on the farm, the never-ending work so often destroyed any sense of happiness.After several miscarriages, which the young couple had had to suffer and live through, she, Hilda, was born almost ten years ago and for a while there seemed to be some happiness in the house. But every further desire to have children remained unfulfilled and, over time, a daily routine developed where there was not even a hint of happiness.

It was not an easy life for Hilda's mother with all the work and responsibility that the farm entailed. Hilda's paternal grandparents had passed away before Hilda was born, and the farm they had left to their only son, Hilda's father, was an old one. There had never been any investment in modernization, the few dairy cows were still kept on a tie-up and were milked there every morning and evening. The raw milk was collected from a dairy and processed into large churns or "Bummen", as they were called here in Hilda's home region of East Frisia. In the first few years after taking over the farm, her parents had spent a lot of money to keep the farm economically viable for the future, which her grandparents criticized as nonsensical at the time. They had never gone hungry, always had work and were happy with what they had. It would have been nonsense to change anything and waste so much money on it. There had always been annoying arguments between the two generations, Hilda knew from stories. "Were we stupid to do all this to ourselves!" were often her mother's words; her father would then interject words of reassurance and was usually of the opinion that they would have reproached themselves if they hadn't tried, and anyway, there had been no question from the outset that he would continue the family business.

With the herringbone milking parlor that the parents had invested in, the herd of cows had also grown and a playpen had to be built in which this milking parlor was located. The cows stand five to a row on each side at an angle like herringbones, with the other side facing the middle, where there is a walkway about half a meter deep. The milking harness, which is used to approach the udder from behindin order to milk the cow, hangs in the walkway. The cows move freely in the free stall, where there is also a cubicle for each cow. The walkway consists of a slatted floor; the slurry cellar, which is located under this slatted floor, is covered with concrete slats, and the slurry excreted by the animals falls directly into the slurry cellar through the approximately five centimeter wide gaps left between each slat.

With these changes, the cow herd could be increased from just fifteen animals to sixty, which of course increased the milk supply enormously, but also all the other work and expenses associated with it. This started with the increased calving, the increased rearing of young cattle, the associated health management and the extensive feeding program. Everything went hand in hand and had to be managed in the best possible way in order to get the best out of the animals.

Hilda's father was a trained farmer. During his three years of training on various farms, he had learned about different types of husbandry and feeding methods and used what he considered to be the most suitable for his farm.

He was now missing everywhere. The mother and Hilda herself had no idea about most of the processes. Everything to do with milking and feeding the calves was no problem, but that was as far as it went. That's why the very next morning after the day of the accident, a farm helper from the machinery ring was sent to help. The machinery ring was an association of people, some of them agricultural experts, who specialized in stepping in when things went wrong, as was the case with Hilda's family. Hilda knew the nice older man, who became a member of the family in a certain sense for the next few weeks, as he sat at the dining table every day, as was customary in agriculture, from aprevious job on her family farm. He was a pleasant person, only spoke when spoken to and never sat at the table for too long. Hilda's mother also found that pleasant. It always felt a bit awkward to spend a lot of time with a stranger. Of course, you didn't feel as familiar as when you were among yourselves, and you didn't talk about familiar topics as you usually did. But that was just the way it was in farming, where it was not uncommon for temporary workers to sit at the dinner table; you got used to it over time. As Hilda's parents, especially her father, were very reserved people and both parents avoided contact with other people as far as possible, they always tried to do as much work as possible on their own. That gave them peace and quiet. "Hilda, will you leave the teapot on the bar stove for the farm helper so that the tea stays hot? I told him there was breakfast on the table for him. Now that I'm going to the hospital and you're going to school, he'll have to look after himself this morning," said her mother, getting up from her chair to put her coffee cup in the dishwasher. "I'll do that." Hilda wanted to add that she would be home earlier today, the last day of school before the summer vacation, as there were report cards and school finished at eleven o'clock, but she was interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

"Who's calling so early?" Hilda's mother turned to the hallway where the phone was. Hilda drank the last sip of her hot chocolate as she listened intently to the phone call from the hallway. A violent wave of fear suddenly ran through her body as she listened to her mother's panicked, questioning words. "No ... oh my God ... how could ...? What happened, the wound looked fine yesterday?" Hilda jumped up in panic and went to her mother in the hallway, her face pale with fright. She hardly dared to breathe as she positioned herself right next to her mother to listen to the words coming from the telephone receiver. Hillooked into her mother's ashen face and was horrified to see the panic in her eyes.

"Is he responsive yet? I mean ... can we go to him right away?" Hilda now heard her mother ask, and the iron hand of fear that had gripped her body so suddenly and unbearably loosened a little, and it felt so relieving that it brought tears to her eyes.

"We'll be on our way soon," her mother said and put the phone down again. She looked Hilda in the eye for a while, tears welling up in her eyes. She took a step towards her daughter and embraced her. The two of them stood there for what felt like an eternity, the mother cradling Hilda in a barely perceptible but comforting way, and both of them let their tears run free.

It was as if the mother was looking for support from her daughter. Hilda could hardly remember ever having been so close to her mother. Now she anxiously asked what had happened to her father.

"Hilda, your dad had an emergency operation, he got blood poisoning and his leg had to be amputated!" Her mother's lips quivered. "How is he supposed to cope with that? I don't know what to do next." She let her hands slide heavily down her daughter's arms to her wrists, which she now held, searching for strength. "This is a nightmare, a terrible nightmare," she murmured, "how is it going to be?" Hilda looked helplessly down at her mother's hands, which were still holding her wrists. "The main thing is that he gets through it all okay, mom. I thought the worst at first," Hilda said through her tears. "I was terrified that Dad wouldn't come back. We'll get through this." Now she grabbed her mother's hands and shook them in an affirmative gesture. "I really want to go and see him now." "You're right, child, only Dad matters now, everything else is unimportant." With a jolt, Hilda's mother looked strengthened and convinced, she straightened her shoulders and her face brightened a little. Hilda now called her friend Sina to tell her what had happened and to ask her to excuse her to school. She found it difficult to keep her voice steady, especially now that she heard the frightened voice of her so familiar friend, and she could also hear Sina's mother asking worried questions in the background. She would have liked to crawl through the phone and press the two.

Hilda and her mother were now standing in the corridor of the intensive care unit; they had previously been given protective clothing and hair coverings to put on, and they also put on a face mask to protect their father from additional infections. The patient had been informed of the procedure shortly after waking up. He had of course been horrified, but had calmed down relatively quickly after it had been made clear to him that his survival was at stake, the nurse told them and walked to the door of the father's room with his mother and daughter. The nurse knocked once and then opened the door to let mother and daughter in. "Mr. Ihben, there's a visitor here for you." With a friendly smile, she approached the patient's bed and checked the dosage of the drip on his wrist. Hilda had a lump in her throat when she saw her father lying so forlornly in the white sheets, connected to tubes and cables for monitoring and care, with a monitor on a trolley in the background displaying his vital functions. The nurse seemed satisfied with the brief check-up and said kindly: "I'll leave you three alone for now!" She winked at mother and daughter once more and left the room.

With tear-filled eyes and trembling lips, the father now saw his wife and daughter approach his bed. Both of them could no longer hold back their tears, Hilda sobbed loudly and carefully stroked her father's arm, taking great care not to touch any of the tubes so as not to cause him any additional pain. His eyes wandered from his daughter to his wife, who now took his hand and said: "Everything will be fine, Heinz, everything willbe fine, you'll get better, everything else is unimportant." Her voice almost broke.