How to Overcome Embitterment With Wisdom E-Book

Christopher P. Arnold

• Herausgeber: Hogrefe Publishing
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Seitenzahl: 119

Beschreibung

Expert help on overcoming feelings of embitterment Understand how these difficult feelings some about Learn problem-solving skills to reorientate to the future Also ideal reading for anyone living or working with an embittered person More about the book Embitterment is an emotional reaction anyone can have to injustices, humiliation, and breaches of trust. We have probably all encountered embitterment in ourselves or others at some time in our lives. Like other feelings, feelings of embitterment normally subside, but in some cases they can persist and cause a great deal of suffering. When these feelings take control of your life and you can't let go of the past negative events in your life, then support is needed. This book helps you understand what embitterment is and how it can come about. It will also help you detach from these negative feelings and find ways to better deal with the hurtful situations, including learning to look to the future. You will learn about problem-solving strategies that focus on the psychology of wisdom and the development of wisdom, which include identifying facts and problem solutions, changing perspectives, self-relativizing, and emotional empathy. It has been scientifically proven that wisdom is a good remedy for embitterment. This book is ideal support for anyone suffering from embitterment or for family, friends, or colleagues who want to learn how to support someone to not stay stuck in these difficult feelings.

Leseprobe

Christopher Arnold

Michael Linden

How to Overcome Embitterment With Wisdom

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication information for the print version of this book is available via the Library of Congress Marc Database under the LC Control Number 2022937239

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: How to overcome embitterment with wisdom / Christopher Arnold, Michael Linden.

Other titles: Ratgeber Verbitterung. English

Names: Arnold, Christopher (Christopher P.), author. | Linden, Michael, author.

Description: Translation of: Ratgeber Verbitterung: Informationen zum Umgang mit Verletzungen durch

Ungerechtigkeit, Kränkung, Herabwürdigung und Vertrauensbruch. | Includes bibliographical

references.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 2022023289X | Canadiana (ebook) 20220232970 | ISBN 9780889376137

(softcover) | ISBN 9781616766139 (PDF) | ISBN 9781613346136 (EPUB)

Subjects: LCSH: Adjustment disorders. | LCSH: Wisdom—Psychological aspects.

Classification: LCC RC455.4.S87 A76 2023 | DDC 152.4—dc23

The present volume is a translation of C. P. Arnold & M. Linden, Ratgeber Verbitterung: Informationen zum Umgang mit Verletzungen durch Ungerechtigkeit, Kränkung, Herabwürdigung und Vertrauensbruch, published under license from Hogrefe Verlag GmbH & Co. KG, Göttingen, Germany. © 2021 by Hogrefe Verlag GmbH & Co. KG.

© 2023 by Hogrefe Publishing

www.hogrefe.com

The authors and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information contained in this text is in accord with the current state of scientific knowledge, recommendations, and practice at the time of publication. In spite of this diligence, errors cannot be completely excluded. Also, due to changing regulations and continuing research, information may become outdated at any point. The authors and publisher disclaim any responsibility for any consequences which may follow from the use of information presented in this book.

Registered trademarks are not noted specifically as such in this publication. The use of descriptive names, registered names, and trademarks does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use.

The cover image is an agency photo depicting models. Use of the photo on this publication does not imply any connection between the content of this publication and any person depicted in the cover image.

Cover image: © Kolbz – iStock.com

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Format: EPUB

ISBN 978-0-88937-613-7 (print) • ISBN 978-1-61676-613-9 (PDF) • ISBN 978-1-61334-613-6 (EPUB)

https://doi.org/10.1027/00613-000

Citability: This EPUB includes page numbering between two vertical lines (Example: |1|) that corresponds to the page numbering of the print and PDF ebook versions of the title.

Table of Contents

Preface

1 Embitterment – What Is It?

1.1 How Does Embitterment Unveil Itself?

1.2 Why Is Embitterment so Agonizing?

1.2.1 Intrusive Memories

1.2.2 Withdrawing and Shutting Yourself off

1.2.3 Doing Things That Are not Effective and That Harm Yourself and Others

1.2.4 Disliking Yourself and Suffering From Yourself

1.2.5 Losing the Ability to Think Clearly

2 What Offends People and Makes Them Embittered?

2.1 Injustice

2.2 Ingratitude

2.3 Breach of Trust

2.4 Degradation

2.5 Violation of Central Values and Basic Beliefs

3 When Does an Embittered Person Need Professional Help?

3.1 Duration, Generalization, and Intensity

3.2 Self-Harm

3.3 Not Liking Yourself

3.4 What Can Be Done?

4 Wisdom

4.1 Wisdom as a Problem-Solving Capacity

4.2 Wisdom in Addressing Embitterment

4.3 Wisdom Skills in Problem Solving

4.4 Knowledge of Facts and Procedures – What Is Actually Going on?

4.5 Contextualization – Which Circumstances Play a Role Here?

4.6 Value Relativism – What Is It All About?

4.7 Change of Perspective – What Do Others Actually Think?

4.8 Emotional Empathy – How Do Others Actually Feel?

4.9 Self-Distance – How Do Others See Me?

4.10 Self-Relativization – How Important Am I?

4.11 Relativization of Problems and Aspirations – What Am I Actually Entitled to?

4.12 Emotional Awareness and Acceptance of Emotions – What Is Going on in My Heart?

4.13 Emotional Serenity and Humor – How Do I Keep Cool?

4.14 Long-Term Perspective – What Matters Is the Future

4.15 Bringing the Past to a Close and Forgiving – Over Is Over

4.16 Uncertainty Tolerance – Accepting What the Future Will Bring

4.17 Difficult Problems and Simple Solutions

5 What Is Psychotherapy?

5.1 How Do I Find a Therapist?

5.2 What Do Psychotherapists Do?

6 What Can Relatives Do?

7 Further Reading

8 Embitterment Checklist

9 Important Addresses

Notes on Supplementary Materials

Peer commentaries

|VII|Preface

This book is intended to give a simple and at the same time professional introduction to the subject of embitterment. Everyone is familiar with embitterment, and many will have already experienced this feeling, just like other emotions such as satisfaction, joy, anxiety, and anger. This book describes what embitterment feels like, how it emerges, what the consequences are, what you can do about it, and what happens to make it pathological, so that you need professional help.

Embitterment is a reaction to injustice, insult, vilification, degradation, and breach of trust. Since ancient times, this emotion has repeatedly attracted attention. In literary fiction, many people and situations who suffer from embitterment and act out of this feeling have been described. One example is the character of Michael Kohlhaas, immortalized by Heinrich von Kleist in his 1810 novella. That account is based on a true story that happened in the 16th century. Hans Kohlhase was a merchant from whom two horses were stolen by a nobleman. Kohlhase demanded justice and filed a lawsuit, which was unsuccessful. His wife wanted to bring the matter to the sovereign. Instead of being heard, she was beaten to death. Thereupon Kohlhase equipped a small army and undertook a bloody campaign against all whom he considered complicit. He acted according to the motto “Let there be justice though the heavens fall!” During his search for vengeance, the cities of Wittenberg and Leipzig were set on fire, and tyranny spread. He finally attacked a silver transport of the Sovereign and sank the loot in the river Havel – because he did not want to get rich, but was seeking revenge. The district of Kohlhasenbrück in the southwest of Berlin was named after him. In the end, he was arrested and executed in Berlin. Kohlhase’s story shows what can lead to embitterment and how bad the consequences can be.

Embitterment is not only an issue in fiction, but is also important in psychiatry, psychosomatics, and psychotherapy. It has been our experience in therapy that some affected people and relatives get relief when they realize that they are not the only ones who feel this way and that their condition is quite understandable. The suggestions described in this book have already helped some people with getting out of difficult situations and facing their problems successfully. Often relatives and friends also suffer from the embitterment of a loved one. It is hoped that this book will help with how to best act in such situations.

Since embitterment is an emotion that everyone knows and one that plays a role even in political discussions, understanding it can also help inform the public at large.

Christopher P. Arnold

Michael Linden