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When your In Laws seem to love you so much and fill your life to the extent your people are pushed to the edges, it is time to take stock and appreciate that you are alone. If the marriage cracks, you lose your world because those In Laws will abandon you at light speed.
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In Laws
being assimilated into your spouse's family
BookRix GmbH & Co. KG80331 MunichPrologue
The term 'In Laws' brings up images of people who you can never please who make your marriage a mine field. This image is far superior to being assimiliated into your spouse's family.
Assimilated is used in the "Borg" sense; meaning you no longer exist; your connections to family and friends are severed or thinned to a minimum and your In Laws crowd and control your life.
Most people never imagine this could happen. That is why it happens and is so devastating.
This pile of strangers and near strangers, are now Your Family. People you don't know or just met, whose lives may not only be different but opposite your own, pile into the marriage 'package'.
If there are obstacles and arguments and walls and animosity so that beyond the formal occassions pf marriage/funeral/anniversary you don't see them, you are rather lucky.
You are lucky because they will not be able to absorb you. Lucky, because they will not have the power to destroy your links with your family and friends and control your life.
You are lucky because in case 'something happens' you will not have so bound yourself to your spouse's world that you lose your own.
Simply being aware of this possibility alerts you to the signs and symbols.
When you marry and are treated as royalty by your spouse's family they soon fill every corner and your family and friends are shoved to the edges, and sometimes, fall off.
You may think that letting your spouse's family absorb you is a good thing. You may think being part of them and extending your love and willing alliegence is a great idea. But if that marriage tanks, unless you have maintained tighter links with your family than with your spouse's; you will be not just isolated and abandoned but devastated.
Although you may say "I Do" believing you do forever, you might not have a decade. And if you let those In Laws cut you off from your family and friends, if you let them replace your family and friends, you will lose more than a spouse; you lose your world.
Although it is great to have a wonderful relationship with your Inlaws consider it more a treaty than a treasure. More an independent aliiance than an incorporation.
For if that marriage goes south you have an army of enemies who know everything about you. An army which will turn against you and makes sure you get as little as possible; even if they have to lie and trick to do it.
Your spouse is their Real Family, you are just an Imitation.
