Mark Twain: Complete Works - Mark Twain - E-Book

Mark Twain: Complete Works E-Book

Mark Twain

0,0
0,49 €

-100%
Sammeln Sie Punkte in unserem Gutscheinprogramm und kaufen Sie E-Books und Hörbücher mit bis zu 100% Rabatt.
Mehr erfahren.
Beschreibung

This carefully crafted ebook: "The Complete Works of Mark Twain" is formatted for your eReader with a functional and detailed table of contents. This is The Complete Works of America's favourite storyteller Mark Twain. The eBook contains over 60 novels and shorter texts (short stories, essays, letters, speeches). Twain began his career writing light, humorous verse, but evolved into a chronicler of the vanities, hypocrisies and murderous acts of mankind. At mid-career, with Huckleberry Finn, he combined rich humor, sturdy narrative and social criticism. Twain was a master at rendering colloquial speech and helped to create and popularize a distinctive American literature built on American themes and language. Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835 – 1910), better known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist. He wrote The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and its sequel, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), the latter often called "the Great American Novel."

Das E-Book können Sie in Legimi-Apps oder einer beliebigen App lesen, die das folgende Format unterstützen:

EPUB

Seitenzahl: 13033

Bewertungen
0,0
0
0
0
0
0
Mehr Informationen
Mehr Informationen
Legimi prüft nicht, ob Rezensionen von Nutzern stammen, die den betreffenden Titel tatsächlich gekauft oder gelesen/gehört haben. Wir entfernen aber gefälschte Rezensionen.



 Mark Twain: Complete Works

Copyright © 2018 by OPU

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.        

Table of Contents
THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN
INNOCENTS ABROAD
PREFACE
CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVII.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXXI.
CHAPTER XXXII.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
CHAPTER XXXV.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
CHAPTER XXXVII.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
CHAPTER XXXIX.
CHAPTER XL.
CHAPTER XLI.
CHAPTER XLII.
CHAPTER XLIII.
CHAPTER XLIV.
CHAPTER XLV.
CHAPTER XLVI.
CHAPTER XLVII.
CHAPTER XLVIII.
CHAPTER XLIX.
CHAPTER L.
CHAPTER LI.
CHAPTER LII.
CHAPTER LIII.
CHAPTER LIV.
CHAPTER LV.
CHAPTER LVI.
CHAPTER LVII.
CHAPTER LVIII.
CHAPTER LIX.
CHAPTER LX.
CHAPTER LXI.
CONCLUSION.
A BURLESQUE AUTOBIOGRAPHY
BURLESQUE AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
AWFUL, TERRIBLE MEDIEVAL ROMANCE
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V.
ROUGHING IT
ROUGHING IT
CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVII.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXXI.
CHAPTER XXXII.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
CHAPTER XXXV.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
CHAPTER XXXVII.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
CHAPTER XXXIX.
CHAPTER XL.
CHAPTER XLI.
CHAPTER XLII.
CHAPTER XLIII.
CHAPTER XLIV.
CHAPTER XLV.
CHAPTER XLVI.
CHAPTER XLVII.
CHAPTER XLVIII.
CHAPTER XLIX.
CHAPTER L.
CHAPTER LI.
CHAPTER LII.
CHAPTER LIII.
CHAPTER LIV.
CHAPTER LV.
CHAPTER LVI.
CHAPTER LVII.
CHAPTER LVIII.
CHAPTER LIX.
CHAPTER LX.
CHAPTER LXI.
CHAPTER LXII.
CHAPTER LXIII.
CHAPTER LXIV.
CHAPTER LXV.
CHAPTER LXVI.
CHAPTER LXVII.
CHAPTER LXVIII.
CHAPTER LXIX.
CHAPTER LXX.
CHAPTER LXXI.
CHAPTER LXXII.
CHAPTER LXXIII.
CHAPTER LXXIV.
CHAPTER LXXV.
CHAPTER LXXVI.
CHAPTER LXXVII.
CHAPTER LXXVIII.
CHAPTER LXXIX.
APPENDIX. A.
B. THE MOUNTAIN MEADOWS MASSACRE.
C. CONCERNING A FRIGHTFUL ASSASSINATION THAT WAS NEVER CONSUMMATED
THE GILDED AGE
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVII.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXXI
CHAPTER, XXXII.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
CHAPTER XXXV.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
CHAPTER XXXIX.
CHAPTER XL.
CHAPTER XLI.
CHAPTER XLII
CHAPTER XLIII.
CHAPTER XLIV.
CHAPTER XLV.
CHAPTER XLVI.
CHAPTER XLVII.
CHAPTER XLVIII
CHAPTER XLIX.
CHAPTER L.
CHAPTER, LI
CHAPTER LII.
CHAPTER LIII.
CHAPTER LIV.
CHAPTER LV.
CHAPTER LVI.
CHAPTER LVII.
CHAPTER LVIII.
CHAPTER LIX.
CHAPTER LX.
CHAPTER LXI.
CHAPTER LXII
CHAPTER LXIII.
APPENDIX.
SKETCHES NEW AND OLD
PREFACE
SKETCHES NEW AND OLD
POLITICAL ECONOMY
TO RAISE POULTRY
MY FIRST LITERARY VENTURE
JOHNNY GREER
THE CASE OF GEORGE FISHER
DISGRACEFUL PERSECUTION OF A BOY
THE JUDGE'S "SPIRITED WOMAN"
INFORMATION WANTED
SOME LEARNED FABLES, FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS
SOME LEARNED FABLES FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS
SOME LEARNED FABLES FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS
RILEY-NEWSPAPER CORRESPONDENT
A FINE OLD MAN
A MEDIEVAL ROMANCE
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V.
PETITION CONCERNING COPYRIGHT
AFTER-DINNER SPEECH
LIONIZING MURDERERS
A NEW CRIME
A CURIOUS DREAM
A TRUE STORY
A GHOST STORY
THE CAPITOLINE VENUS
SPEECH ON ACCIDENT INSURANCE
JOHN CHINAMAN IN NEW YORK
THE PETRIFIED MAN
MY BLOODY MASSACRE
THE UNDERTAKER'S CHAT
CONCERNING CHAMBERMAIDS
"AFTER" JENKINS
ABOUT BARBERS
"PARTY CRIES" IN IRELAND
THE FACTS CONCERNING THE RECENT RESIGNATION
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF
HONORED AS A CURIOSITY
THE WIDOW'S PROTEST
A CURIOUS PLEASURE EXCURSION
A MYSTERIOUS VISIT
CURIOUS REPUBLIC OF GONDOUR
THE CURIOUS REPUBLIC OF GONDOUR AND OTHER WHIMSICAL SKETCHES
THE CURIOUS REPUBLIC OF GONDOUR
A MEMORY,
INTRODUCTORY TO "MEMORANDA"
ABOUT SMELLS
A COUPLE OF SAD EXPERIENCES
DAN MURPHY
THE "TOURNAMENT" IN A. D. 1870
CURIOUS RELIC FOR SALE
A REMINISCENCE OF THE BACK SETTLEMENTS
A ROYAL COMPLIMENT
THE APPROACHING EPIDEMIC
THE TONE-IMPARTING COMMITTEE
OUR PRECIOUS LUNATIC
PARTIAL BIBLIOGRAPHY
THE FACTS CONCERNING THE RECENT CARNIVAL OF CRIME IN CONNECTICUT
P R E F A C E
ALONZO FITZ AND OTHER STORIES
THE LOVES OF ALONZO FITZ CLARENCE AND ROSANNAH ETHELTON
ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING
ABOUT MAGNANIMOUS-INCIDENT LITERATURE
PUNCH, BROTHERS, PUNCH
THE GREAT REVOLUTION IN PITCAIRN
THE CANVASSER'S TALE
AN ENCOUNTER WITH AN INTERVIEWER
PARIS NOTES
LEGEND OF SAGENFELD, IN GERMANY
SPEECH ON THE BABIES
SPEECH ON THE WEATHER
CONCERNING THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE
ROGERS
SOME RAMBLING NOTES OF AN IDLE EXCURSION
THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT
A TRAMP ABROAD
CHAPTER X [How Wagner Operas Bang Along]
APPENDIX —————
THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER
Chapter I. The birth of the Prince and the Pauper.
FOOTNOTES AND TWAIN'S NOTES
LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI
Chapter 2 The River and Its Explorers
Chapter 3 Frescoes from the Past
Chapter 4 The Boys' Ambition
Chapter 5 I Want to be a Cub-pilot
Chapter 6 A Cub-pilot's Experience
Chapter 7 A Daring Deed
Chapter 8 Perplexing Lessons
Chapter 9 Continued Perplexities
Chapter 10 Completing My Education
Chapter 11 The River Rises
Chapter 12 Sounding
Chapter 13 A Pilot's Needs
Chapter 14 Rank and Dignity of Piloting
Chapter 15 The Pilots' Monopoly
Chapter 16 Racing Days
Chapter 17 Cut-offs and Stephen
Chapter 18 I Take a Few Extra Lessons
Chapter 19 Brown and I Exchange Compliments
Chapter 20 A Catastrophe
Chapter 21 A Section in My Biography
Chapter 22 I Return to My Muttons
Chapter 23 Traveling Incognito
Chapter 24 My Incognito is Exploded
Chapter 25 From Cairo to Hickman
Chapter 26 Under Fire
Chapter 27 Some Imported Articles
Chapter 28 Uncle Mumford Unloads
Chapter 29 A Few Specimen Bricks
Chapter 30 Sketches by the Way
Chapter 31 A Thumb-print and What Came of It
Chapter 32 The Disposal of a Bonanza
Chapter 33 Refreshments and Ethics
Chapter 34 Tough Yarns
Chapter 35 Vicksburg During the Trouble
Chapter 36 The Professor's Yarn
Chapter 37 The End of the 'Gold Dust'
Chapter 38 The House Beautiful
Chapter 39 Manufactures and Miscreants
Chapter 40 Castles and Culture
Chapter 41 The Metropolis of the South
Chapter 42 Hygiene and Sentiment
Chapter 43 The Art of Inhumation
Chapter 44 City Sights
Chapter 45 Southern Sports
Chapter 46 Enchantments and Enchanters
Chapter 47 Uncle Remus and Mr. Cable
Chapter 48 Sugar and Postage
Chapter 49 Episodes in Pilot Life
Chapter 50 The 'Original Jacobs'
Chapter 51 Reminiscences
Chapter 52 A Burning Brand
Chapter 53 My Boyhood's Home
Chapter 54 Past and Present
Chapter 56 A Question of Law
Chapter 57 An Archangel
Chapter 58 On the Upper River
Chapter 59 Legends and Scenery
Chapter 60 Speculations and Conclusions
APPENDIX A
APPENDIX B
APPENDIX C
APPENDIX D
HUCKLEBERRY FINN
EXPLANATORY
HUCKLEBERRY FINN
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVII.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXXI.
CHAPTER XXXII.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
CHAPTER XXXV.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
CHAPTER XXXVII.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
CHAPTER XXXIX.
CHAPTER XL.
CHAPTER XLI.
CHAPTER XLII.
CHAPTER THE LAST
A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT
A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT
A WORD OF EXPLANATION
THE TALE OF THE LOST LAND
CHAPTER I
FINAL P.S. BY M.T.
THE AMERICAN CLAIMANT
THE WEATHER IN THIS BOOK.
CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVII
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXV.
APPENDIX.
EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY
IN DEFENSE OF HARRIET SHELLEY
FENIMORE COOPER'S LITERARY OFFENCES
ESSAYS ON PAUL BOURGET
WHAT PAUL BOURGET THINKS OF US
A LITTLE NOTE TO M. PAUL BOURGET
TOM SAWYER ABROAD
CHAPTER I. TOM SEEKS NEW ADVENTURES
THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD'NHEAD WILSON
A WHISPER TO THE READER
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
FINAL REMARKS
PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS OF JOAN OF ARC
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE
BOOK I IN DOMREMY
Chapter 2 The Fairy Tree of Domremy
BOOK II IN COURT AND CAMP
PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS OF JOAN OF ARC VOL. 2
Chapter 28 Joan Foretells Her Doom
TOM SAWYER, DETECTIVE
CHAPTER II. JAKE DUNLAP
CHAPTER III. A DIAMOND ROBBERY
CHAPTER IV. THE THREE SLEEPERS
CHAPTER V. A TRAGEDY IN THE WOODS
CHAPTER VI. PLANS TO SECURE THE DIAMONDS
CHAPTER VII. A NIGHT'S VIGIL
CHAPTER VIII. TALKING WITH THE GHOST
CHAPTER IX. FINDING OF JUBITER DUNLAP
CHAPTER X. THE ARREST OF UNCLE SILAS
CHAPTER XI. TOM SAWYER DISCOVERS THE MURDERERS
FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR A JOURNEY AROUND THE WORLD BY MARK TWAIN SAMUEL L. CLEMENS HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT
THE PUDD'NHEAD MAXIMS. THESE WISDOMS ARE FOR THE LURING OF YOUTH TOWARD HIGH MORAL ALTITUDES. THE AUTHOR DID NOT GATHER THEM FROM PRACTICE, BUT FROM OBSERVATION. TO BE GOOD IS NOBLE; BUT TO SHOW OTHERS HOW TO BE GOOD IS NOBLER AND NO TROUBLE.
CONTENTS
FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVIL
CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXXI.
CHAPTER XXXII.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
CHAPTER XXXV.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
CHAPTER XXXVII.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
CHAPTER XXXIX.
CHAPTER XL.
CHAPTER XLI.
CHAPTER XLII.
CHAPTER XLIII.
CHAPTER XLIV.
CHAPTER XLV.
CHAPTER XLVI.
CHAPTER XLVII.
CHAPTER XLVIII.
CHAPTER XLIX.
CHAPTER L.
CHAPTER LI.
CHAPTER LII.
CHAPTER LIII.
CHAPTER LIV.
CHAPTER LV.
CHAPTER LVI.
CHAPTER LVII.
CHAPTER, LVIII.
CHAPTER LIX.
CHAPTER LX.
CHAPTER LXI.
CHAPTER LXII.
CHAPTER LXIII.
CHAPTER LXIV.
CHAPTER LXV.
CHAPTER LXVI.
CHAPTER LXVII.
CHAPTER LXVIII.
CHAPTER LXIX.
CONCLUSION.
THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG AND OTHER STORIES
THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG
MY FIRST LIE, AND HOW I GOT OUT OF IT
THE ESQUIMAUX MAIDEN'S ROMANCE
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND THE BOOK OF MRS. EDDY
IS HE LIVING OR IS HE DEAD?
MY DEBUT AS A LITERARY PERSON
AT THE APPETITE-CURE
CONCERNING THE JEWS
FROM THE 'LONDON TIMES' OF 1904
ABOUT PLAY-ACTING
TRAVELLING WITH A REFORMER
DIPLOMATIC PAY AND CLOTHES
LUCK
THE CAPTAIN'S STORY
STIRRING TIMES IN AUSTRIA
PRIVATE HISTORY OF THE 'JUMPING FROG' STORY
MY MILITARY CAMPAIGN
MEISTERSCHAFT
ACT II. SCENE I.
ACT III.
MY BOYHOOD DREAMS
TO THE ABOVE OLD PEOPLE
IN MEMORIAM
THE DEATH OF JEAN
THE TURNING-POINT OF MY LIFE
HOW TO MAKE HISTORY DATES STICK
THE MEMORABLE ASSASSINATION
A SCRAP OF CURIOUS HISTORY
SWITZERLAND, THE CRADLE OF LIBERTY
AT THE SHRINE OF ST. WAGNER
ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT
A SIMPLIFIED ALPHABET
CONCERNING TOBACCO
THE BEE
THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER
THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
A FABLE
HUNTING THE DECEITFUL TURKEY
A DOUBLE BARRELLED DETECTIVE
II
III
V
PART II
VII
III
IV
V
THE $30,000 BEQUEST
A DOG'S TALE
WAS IT HEAVEN? OR HELL?
A CURE FOR THE BLUES
THE CURIOUS BOOK
THE CALIFORNIAN'S TALE
A HELPLESS SITUATION
A TELEPHONIC CONVERSATION
EDWARD MILLS AND GEORGE BENTON: A TALE
THE FIVE BOONS OF LIFE
THE FIRST WRITING-MACHINES
ITALIAN WITHOUT A MASTER
ITALIAN WITH GRAMMAR
A BURLESQUE BIOGRAPHY
HOW TO TELL A STORY
GENERAL WASHINGTON'S NEGRO BODY-SERVANT
WIT INSPIRATIONS OF THE "TWO-YEAR-OLDS"
AN ENTERTAINING ARTICLE
A LETTER TO THE SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY
AMENDED OBITUARIES
A MONUMENT TO ADAM
A HUMANE WORD FROM SATAN
INTRODUCTION TO "THE NEW GUIDE OF THE CONVERSATION IN
ADVICE TO LITTLE GIRLS
POST-MORTEM POETRY [1]
THE DANGER OF LYING IN BED
PORTRAIT OF KING WILLIAM III
DOES THE RACE OF MAN LOVE A LORD?
EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY
EVE'S DIARY
A HORSE'S TALE
PART II—IN SPAIN
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
BOOK I CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
CHAPTER V
CHAPTER VI
CHAPTER VII
CHAPTER VIII
CHAPTER IX
BOOK II
CHAPTER I
CHAPTER II
CHAPTER III
CHAPTER IV
POSTSCRIPT
CHAPTER V
SUMMARY
CHAPTER VI
THE PASTOR EMERITUS
THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS
THE PRESIDENT
TREASURER AND CLERK
BOARD OF TRUSTEES
READERS
ELECTION OF READERS
THE ARISTOCRACY
CHURCH MEMBERSHIP
AND SOME ENGLISH REQUIRED
"READERS" AGAIN
MONOPOLY OF SPIRITUAL BREAD
THE NEW INFALLIBILITY
THE SACRED POEMS
THE CHURCH EDIFICE
PRAYER
THE LORD'S PRAYER-AMENDED
THE NEW UNPARDONABLE SIN
AXE AND BLOCK
READING LETTERS AT MEETINGS
HONESTY REQUISITE
FURTHER APPLICATIONS OF THE AXE
MORE SELF-PROTECTIONS
BOARD OF EDUCATION
PUBLIC TEACHERS
BOARD OF LECTURESHIP
MISSIONARIES
THE BY-LAWS
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION
THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PUBLISHING SOCIETY
CHAPTER VIII
"MOTHER-CHURCH UNIQUE"
"NO FIRST MEMBERS"
"THE"
A LIFE-TERM MONOPOLY
A PERPETUAL ONE
THE SANCTUM SANCTORUM AND SACRED CHAIR
THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PASTOR-UNIVERSAL
PRICE OF THE PASTOR-UNIVERSAL
SEVEN HUNDRED PER CENT.
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER X
CHAPTER XI
CHAPTER XII
CHAPTER XIII
CHAPTER XIV
CHAPTER XV
APPENDIX A
APPENDIX B
APPENDIX C
APPENDIX D
APPENDIX E
APPENDIX F
MRS. EDDY IN ERROR
MAIN PARTS OF THE MACHINE
DISTRIBUTION OF THE MACHINE'S POWERS AND DIGNITIES
CONCLUSION
EXTRACT FROM CAPTAIN STORMFIELD'S VISIT TO HEAVEN
GOLDSMITH'S FRIEND ABROAD AGAIN
LETTER IV
LETTER V
LETTER VI
LETTER VII
HOW TO TELL A STORY AND OTHERS
MENTAL TELEGRAPHY AGAIN
THE INVALID'S STORY
MARK TWAIN'S SPEECHES
INTRODUCTION
PREFACE
MARK TWAIN'S SPEECHES
THE STORY OF A SPEECH
PLYMOUTH ROCK AND THE PILGRIMS
COMPLIMENTS AND DEGREES
BOOKS, AUTHORS, AND HATS
DEDICATION SPEECH
DIE SCHRECKEN DER DEUTSCHEN SPRACHE [THE HORRORS OF THE GERMAN LANGUAGE]
GERMAN FOR THE HUNGARIANS
A NEW GERMAN WORD
UNCONSCIOUS PLAGIARISM
THE WEATHER
THE BABIES
OUR CHILDREN AND GREAT DISCOVERIES
EDUCATING THEATRE-GOERS
THE EDUCATIONAL THEATRE
POETS AS POLICEMEN
PUDD'NHEAD WILSON DRAMATIZED
DALY THEATRE
THE DRESS OF CIVILIZED WOMAN
DRESS REFORM AND COPYRIGHT
COLLEGE GIRLS
GIRLS
THE LADIES
WOMAN'S PRESS CLUB
VOTES FOR WOMEN
WOMAN-AN OPINION
ADVICE TO GIRLS
TAXES AND MORALS
TAMMANY AND CROKER
MUNICIPAL CORRUPTION
MUNICIPAL GOVERNMENT
CHINA AND THE PHILIPPINES
THEORETICAL MORALS
LAYMAN'S SERMON
UNIVERSITY SETTLEMENT SOCIETY
PUBLIC EDUCATION ASSOCIATION
EDUCATION AND CITIZENSHIP
COURAGE
THE DINNER TO MR. CHOATE
ON STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONE
HENRY M. STANLEY
DINNER TO MR. JEROME
HENRY IRVING
DINNER TO HAMILTON W. MABIE
INTRODUCING NYE AND RILEY
DINNER TO WHITELAW REID
ROGERS AND RAILROADS
THE OLD-FASHIONED PRINTER
SOCIETY OF AMERICAN AUTHORS
READING-ROOM OPENING
LITERATURE
DISAPPEARANCE OF LITERATURE
THE NEW YORK PRESS CLUB DINNER
THE ALPHABET AND SIMPLIFIED SPELLING
SPELLING AND PICTURES
BOOKS AND BURGLARS
AUTHORS' CLUB
BOOKSELLERS
"MARK TWAIN'S FIRST APPEARANCE"
MORALS AND MEMORY
QUEEN VICTORIA
JOAN OF ARC
ACCIDENT INSURANCE—ETC.
OSTEOPATHY
WATER-SUPPLY
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
CATS AND CANDY
OBITUARY POETRY
CIGARS AND TOBACCO
BILLIARDS
THE UNION RIGHT OR WRONG
AN IDEAL FRENCH ADDRESS
STATISTICS
GALVESTON ORPHAN BAZAAR
SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE
CHARITY AND ACTORS
RUSSIAN REPUBLIC
RUSSIAN SUFFERERS
WATTERSON AND TWAIN AS REBELS
ROBERT FULTON FUND
FULTON DAY, JAMESTOWN
LOTOS CLUB DINNER IN HONOR OF MARK TWAIN
COPYRIGHT
IN AID OF THE BLIND
DR. MARK TWAIN, FARMEOPATH
MISSOURI UNIVERSITY SPEECH
BUSINESS
CARNEGIE THE BENEFACTOR
ON POETRY, VERACITY, AND SUICIDE
WELCOME HOME
AN UNDELIVERED SPEECH
SIXTY-SEVENTH BIRTHDAY
TO THE WHITEFRIARS
THE ASCOT GOLD CUP
THE SAVAGE CLUB DINNER
GENERAL MILES AND THE DOG
WHEN IN DOUBT, TELL THE TRUTH
THE DAY WE CELEBRATE,
INDEPENDENCE DAY
AMERICANS AND THE ENGLISH
ABOUT LONDON
PRINCETON
THE ST. LOUIS HARBOR-BOAT "MARK TWAIN"
SEVENTIETH BIRTHDAY
MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS COMPLETE
MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS
II
III
IV
V
VI.
MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS 1867-1875
VII.
VIII.
IX.
X.
XI.
XII.
XIII.
XIV.
XV.
MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS 1876-1885
XVII.
XVIII.
XIX.
XX.
XXI.
XXII.
XXIII.
XXIV
XXV
MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS 1886-1900
XXVII
XXVIII
XXIX
LETTERS, 1890, CHIEFLY TO JOS. T. GOODMAN. THE GREAT MACHINE ENTERPRISE
XXXI
XXXII
XXXIII
XXXIV
XXXV
XXXVI
XXXVII
XXXVIII
LETTERS OF 1900, MAINLY TO TWICHELL. THE BOER WAR. BOXER TROUBLES. THE RETURN TO AMERICA
MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS 1901-1906
XLI
XLII
XLIII
XLIV
XLV
MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS 1907-1910
XLVII
XLVIII
THE LAST DAY AT STORMFIELD
APPENDIX X

THE TWAIN COLLECTION

THE INNOCENTS ABROAD MARK TWAIN'S (BURLESQUE) AUTO-BIOGRAPHY      FIRST ROMANCE. ROUGHING IT THE GILDED AGE (with Charles Dudley Warner) SKETCHES NEW AND OLD      MY WATCH      POLITICAL ECONOMY      THE JUMPING FROG      JOURNALISM IN TENNESSEE      THE STORY OF THE BAD LITTLE BOY      THE STORY OF THE GOOD LITTLE BOY      A COUPLE OF POEMS BY TWAIN AND MOORE      NIAGARA      ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS      TO RAISE POULTRY      EXPERIENCE OF THE MCWILLIAMSES WITH MEMBRANOUS CROUP      MY FIRST LITERARY VENTURE      HOW THE AUTHOR WAS SOLD IN NEWARK      THE OFFICE BORE      JOHNNY GREER      THE FACTS IN THE CASE OF THE GREAT BEEF CONTRACT      THE CASE OF GEORGE FISHER      DISGRACEFUL PERSECUTION OF A BOY      THE JUDGES "SPIRITED WOMAN"      INFORMATION WANTED      SOME LEARNED FABLES, FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS      MY LATE SENATORIAL SECRETARYSHIP      A FASHION ITEM      RILEY-NEWSPAPER CORRESPONDENT      A FINE OLD MAN      SCIENCE vs. LUCK      THE LATE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN      MR. BLOKE'S ITEM      A MEDIEVAL ROMANCE      PETITION CONCERNING COPYRIGHT      AFTER-DINNER SPEECH      LIONIZING MURDERERS      A NEW CRIME      A CURIOUS DREAM      A TRUE STORY      THE SIAMESE TWINS      SPEECH AT THE SCOTTISH BANQUET IN LONDON      A GHOST STORY      THE CAPITOLINE VENUS      SPEECH ON ACCIDENT INSURANCE      JOHN CHINAMAN IN NEW YORK      HOW I EDITED AN AGRICULTURAL PAPER      THE PETRIFIED MAN      MY BLOODY MASSACRE      THE UNDERTAKER'S CHAT      CONCERNING CHAMBERMAIDS      AURELIA'S UNFORTUNATE YOUNG MAN      "AFTER" JENKINS      ABOUT BARBERS      "PARTY CRIES" IN IRELAND      THE FACTS CONCERNING THE RECANT RESIGNATION      HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF      HONORED AS A CURIOSITY      FIRST INTERVIEW KITH ARTEMUS WARD      CANNIBALISM IN THE CARS      THE KILLING OF JULIUS CAESAR "LOCALIZED"      THE WIDOW'S PROTEST      THE SCRIPTURAL PANORAMIST      CURING A COLD      A CURIOUS PLEASURE EXCURSION      RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR      A MYSTERIOUS VISIT THE CURIOUS REPUBLIC OF GONDOUR AND OTHER WHIMSICAL SKETCHES      THE CURIOUS REPUBLIC OF GONDOUR      A MEMORY      INTRODUCTORY TO "MEMORANDA".      ABOUT SMELLS      A COUPLE OF SAD EXPERIENCES      DAN MURPHY      THE "TOURNAMENT" IN A.D. 1870      CURIOUS RELIC FOR SALE      A REMINISCENCE OF THE BACK SETTLEMENTS      A ROYAL COMPLIMENT      THE APPROACHING EPIDEMIC      THE TONE-IMPARTING COMMITTEE      OUR PRECIOUS LUNATIC      THE EUROPEAN WAR      THE WILD MAN INTERVIEWED      LAST WORDS OF GREAT MEN 1601—CONVERSATION AT THE SOCIAL FIRESIDE OF THE TUDORS THE FACTS CONCERNING THE RECENT CARNIVAL OF CRIME IN CONNECTICUT THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER THE LOVES OF ALONZO FITZ CLARENCE AND ROSANNAH ETHELTON AND OTHER STORIES      THE LOVES OF ALONZO FITZ CLARENCE AND ROSANNAH ETHELTON      ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING      ABOUT MAGNANIMOUS-INCIDENT LITERATURE           THE GRATEFUL POODLE           THE BENEVOLENT AUTHOR           THE GRATEFUL HUSBAND      PUNCH, BROTHERS, PUNCH      THE GREAT REVOLUTION IN PITCAIRN      THE CANVASSER'S TALE      AN ENCOUNTER WITH AN INTERVIEWER      PARIS NOTES      LEGEND OF SAGENFELD, IN GERMANY      SPEECH ON THE BABIES      SPEECH ON THE WEATHER      CONCERNING THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE      ROGERS SOME RAMBLING NOTES OF AN IDLE EXCURSION THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT A TRAMP ABROAD THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT THE AMERICAN CLAIMANT EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY IN DEFENSE OF HARRIET SHELLEY FENNIMORE COOPER'S LITERARY OFFENCES ESSAYS ON PAUL BOURGET      WHAT PAUL BOURGET THINKS OF US      A LITTLE NOTE TO M. PAUL BOURGET TOM SAWYER ABROAD THE TRAGEDY OF PUDD'NHEAD WILSON THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS OF JOAN OF ARC TOM SAWYER, DETECTIVE FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR, A JOURNEY AROUND THE WORLD THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG AND OTHER STORIES      THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG      MY FIRST LIE, AND HOW I GOT OUT OF IT      THE ESQUIMAUX MAIDEN'S ROMANCE      CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND THE BOOK OF MRS. EDDY      IS HE LIVING OR IS HE DEAD?      MY DEBUT AS A LITERARY PERSON      AT THE APPETITE-CURE      CONCERNING THE JEWS      FROM THE 'LONDON TIMES' OF 1904      ABOUT PLAY-ACTING      TRAVELLING WITH A REFORMER      DIPLOMATIC PAY AND CLOTHES      LUCK      THE CAPTAIN'S STORY      STIRRING TIMES IN AUSTRIA      MEISTERSCHAFT      MY BOYHOOD DREAMS           TO THE ABOVE OLD PEOPLE      IN MEMORIAM—OLIVIA SUSAN CLEMENS WHAT IS MAN AND OTHER ESSAYS      WHAT IS MAN?      THE DEATH OF JEAN      THE TURNING-POINT OF MY LIFE      HOW TO MAKE HISTORY DATES STICK      THE MEMORABLE ASSASSINATION      A SCRAP OF CURIOUS HISTORY      SWITZERLAND, THE CRADLE OF LIBERTY      AT THE SHRINE OF ST. WAGNER      WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS      ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT      A SIMPLIFIED ALPHABET      AS CONCERNS INTERPRETING THE DEITY      CONCERNING TOBACCO      TAMING THE BICYCLE      IS SHAKESPEARE DEAD? THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER AND OTHER STORIES      THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER      A FABLE      HUNTING THE DECEITFUL TURKEY      THE McWILLIAMSES AND THE BURGLAR ALARM A DOUBLE BARRELED DETECTIVE THE $30,000 BEQUEST AND OTHER STORIES       THE $30,000 BEQUEST       A DOG'S TALE       WAS IT HEAVEN? OR HELL?       A CURE FOR THE BLUES       THE ENEMY CONQUERED; OR, LOVE TRIUMPHANT       THE CALIFORNIAN'S TALE       A HELPLESS SITUATION       A TELEPHONIC CONVERSATION       EDWARD MILLS AND GEORGE BENTON: A TALE       THE FIVE BOONS OF LIFE       THE FIRST WRITING-MACHINES       ITALIAN WITHOUT A MASTER       ITALIAN WITH GRAMMAR       A BURLESQUE BIOGRAPHY       HOW TO TELL A STORY       GENERAL WASHINGTON'S NEGRO BODY-SERVANT       WIT INSPIRATIONS OF THE "TWO-YEAR-OLDS"       AN ENTERTAINING ARTICLE       A LETTER TO THE SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY       AMENDED OBITUARIES       A MONUMENT TO ADAM       A HUMANE WORD FROM SATAN       INTRODUCTION TO "THE NEW GUIDE OF THE       CONVERSATION IN PORTUGUESE AND ENGLISH"       ADVICE TO LITTLE GIRLS       POST-MORTEM POETRY       THE DANGER OF LYING IN BED       PORTRAIT OF KING WILLIAM III       DOES THE RACE OF MAN LOVE A LORD?       EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY       EVE'S DIARY A HORSE'S TALE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE EXTRACT FROM CAPTAIN STORMFIELD'S VISIT TO HEAVEN IS SHAKESPEARE DEAD? ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING GOLDSMITH'S FRIEND ABROAD AGAIN HOW TO TELL A STORY AND OTHER STORIES      HOW TO TELL A STORY           THE WOUNDED SOLDIER           THE GOLDEN ARM      MENTAL TELEGRAPHY AGAIN      THE INVALIDS STORY MARK TWAIN'S SPEECHES      INTRODUCTION      PREFACE      THE STORY OF A SPEECH      PLYMOUTH ROCK AND THE PILGRIMS      COMPLIMENTS AND DEGREES      BOOKS, AUTHORS, AND HATS      DEDICATION SPEECH      DIE SCHRECKEN DER DEUTSCHEN SPRACHE.      THE HORRORS OF THE GERMAN LANGUAGE      GERMAN FOR THE HUNGARIANS      A NEW GERMAN WORD      UNCONSCIOUS PLAGIARISM      THE WEATHER      THE BABIES      OUR CHILDREN AND GREAT DISCOVERIES      EDUCATING THEATRE-GOERS      THE EDUCATIONAL THEATRE      POETS AS POLICEMEN      PUDD'NHEAD WILSON DRAMATIZED      DALY THEATRE      THE DRESS OF CIVILIZED WOMAN      DRESS REFORM AND COPYRIGHT      COLLEGE GIRLS      GIRLS      THE LADIES      WOMAN'S PRESS CLUB      VOTES FOR WOMEN      WOMAN-AN OPINION      ADVICE TO GIRLS      TAXES AND MORALS      TAMMANY AND CROKER      MUNICIPAL CORRUPTION      MUNICIPAL GOVERNMENT      CHINA AND THE PHILIPPINES      THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL MORALS      LAYMAN'S SERMON      UNIVERSITY SETTLEMENT SOCIETY      PUBLIC EDUCATION ASSOCIATION      EDUCATION AND CITIZENSHIP      COURAGE      THE DINNER TO MR. CHOATE      ON STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONE      HENRY M. STANLEY      DINNER TO MR. JEROME      HENRY IRVING      DINNER TO HAMILTON W. MABIE      INTRODUCING NYE AND RILEY      DINNER TO WHITELAW REID      ROGERS AND RAILROADS      THE OLD-FASHIONED PRINTER      SOCIETY OF AMERICAN AUTHORS      READING-ROOM OPENING      LITERATURE      DISAPPEARANCE OF LITERATURE      THE NEW YORK PRESS CLUB DINNER      THE ALPHABET AND SIMPLIFIED SPELLING      SPELLING AND PICTURES      BOOKS AND BURGLARS      AUTHORS' CLUB      BOOKSELLERS      "MARK TWAIN's FIRST APPEARANCE"      MORALS AND MEMORY      QUEEN VICTORIA      JOAN OF ARC      ACCIDENT INSURANCE—ETC.      OSTEOPATHY      WATER-SUPPLY      MISTAKEN IDENTITY      CATS AND CANDY      OBITUARY POETRY      CIGARS AND TOBACCO      BILLIARDS      THE UNION RIGHT OR WRONG?      AN IDEAL FRENCH ADDRESS      STATISTICS      GALVESTON ORPHAN BAZAAR      SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE      CHARITY AND ACTORS      RUSSIAN REPUBLIC      RUSSIAN SUFFERERS      WATTERSON AND TWAIN AS REBELS      ROBERT FULTON FUND      FULTON DAY, JAMESTOWN      LOTOS CLUB DINNER IN HONOR OF MARK TWAIN      COPYRIGHT      IN AID OF THE BLIND      DR. MARK TWAIN, FARMEOPATH      MISSOURI UNIVERSITY SPEECH      BUSINESS      CARNEGIE THE BENEFACTOR      ON POETRY, VERACITY, AND SUICIDE      WELCOME HOME      AN UNDELIVERED SPEECH      SIXTY-SEVENTH BIRTHDAY      TO THE WHITEFRIARS      THE ASCOT GOLD CUP      THE SAVAGE CLUB DINNER      GENERAL MILES AND THE DOG      WHEN IN DOUBT, TELL THE TRUTH      THE DAY WE CELEBRATE      INDEPENDENCE DAY      AMERICANS AND THE ENGLISH      ABOUT LONDON      PRINCETON      THE ST. LOUIS HARBOR-BOAT "MARK TWAIN"      SEVENTIETH BIRTHDAY MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS 1853-1910      ARRANGED WITH COMMENT BY ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE

THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN

INNOCENTS ABROAD

by Mark Twain

[From an 1869—1st Edition]

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I. Popular Talk of the Excursion—Programme of the Trip—Duly Ticketed for the Excursion—Defection of the Celebrities

CHAPTER II. Grand Preparations—An Imposing Dignitary—The European Exodus —Mr. Blucher's Opinion—Stateroom No. 10—The Assembling of the Clans —At Sea at Last
CHAPTER III. "Averaging" the Passengers—Far, far at Sea.—Tribulation among the Patriarchs—Seeking Amusement under Difficulties—Five Captains in the Ship
CHAPTER IV. The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated—Pilgrim Life at Sea —"Horse-Billiards"—The "Synagogue"—The Writing School—Jack's "Journal" —The "Q. C. Club"—The Magic Lantern—State Ball on Deck—Mock Trials —Charades—Pilgrim Solemnity—Slow Music—The Executive Officer Delivers an Opinion
CHAPTER V. Summer in Mid-Atlantic—An Eccentric Moon—Mr. Blucher Loses Confidence —The Mystery of "Ship Time"—The Denizens of the Deep—"Land Hoh" —The First Landing on a Foreign Shore—Sensation among the Natives —Something about the Azores Islands—Blucher's Disastrous Dinner —The Happy Result
CHAPTER VI. Solid Information—A Fossil Community—Curious Ways and Customs —JesuitHumbuggery—Fantastic Pilgrimizing—Origin of the Russ Pavement —Squaring Accounts with the Fossils—At Sea Again
CHAPTER VII. A Tempest at Night—Spain and Africa on Exhibition—Greeting a Majestic Stranger—The Pillars of Hercules—The Rock of Gibraltar—Tiresome Repetition—"The Queen's Chair"—Serenity Conquered—Curiosities of the Secret Caverns—Personnel of Gibraltar—Some Odd Characters —A Private Frolic in Africa—Bearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss of life)—Vanity Rebuked—Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco
CHAPTER VIII. The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco—Strange Sights—A Cradle of Antiquity—We become Wealthy—How they Rob the Mail in Africa—The Danger of being Opulent in Morocco
CHAPTER IX. A Pilgrim—in Deadly Peril—How they Mended the Clock—Moorish Punishments for Crime—Marriage Customs—Looking Several ways for Sunday —Shrewd, Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims—Reverence for Cats—Bliss of being a Consul-General
CHAPTER X. Fourth of July at Sea—Mediterranean Sunset—The "Oracle" is Delivered of an Opinion—Celebration Ceremonies—The Captain's Speech—France in Sight—The Ignorant Native—In Marseilles—Another Blunder—Lost in the Great City—Found Again—A Frenchy Scene
CHAPTER XI. Getting used to it—No Soap—Bill of Fare, Table d'hote—"An American Sir"—A Curious Discovery—The "Pilgrim" Bird—Strange Companionship —A Grave of the Living—A Long Captivity—Some of Dumas' Heroes—Dungeon of the Famous "Iron Mask."

CHAPTXR XII. A Holiday Flight through France—Summer Garb of the Landscape—Abroad on the Great Plains—Peculiarities of French Cars—French Politeness American Railway Officials—"Twenty Mnutes to Dinner!"—Why there are no Accidents—The "Old Travellers"—Still on the Wing—Paris at Last——French Order and Quiet—Place of the Bastile—Seeing the Sights —A Barbarous Atrocity—Absurd Billiards

CHAPTER XIII. More Trouble—Monsieur Billfinger—Re-Christening the Frenchman—In the Clutches of a Paris Guide—The International Exposition—Fine Military Review—Glimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of Turkey
CHAPTER XIV. The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-Dame—Jean Sanspeur's Addition —Treasures and Sacred Relics—The Legend of the Cross—The Morgue—The Outrageious 'Can-Can'—Blondin Aflame—The Louvre Palace—The Great Park —Showy Pageantry—Preservation of Noted Things
CHAPTER XV. French National Burying—Ground—Among the Great Dead—The Shrine of Disappointed Love—The Story of Abelard and Heloise—"English Spoken Here"—"American Drinks Compounded Here"—Imperial Honors to an American—The Over-estimated Grisette—Departure from Paris—A Deliberate Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American Women
CHAPTER XVI. Versailles—Paradise Regained—A Wonderful Park—Paradise Lost —Napoleonic Strategy
CHAPTER XVII. War—The American Forces Victorious—" Home Again"—Italy in Sight The "City of Palaces"—Beauty of the Genoese Women—The "Stub-Hunters" —Among the Palaces—Gifted Guide—Church Magnificence—"Women not Admitted"—How the Genoese Live—Massive Architecture—A Scrap of Ancient History—Graves for 60,000
CHAPTER XVIII. Flying Through Italy—Marengo—First Glimpse of the Famous Cathedral —Description of some of its Wonders—A Horror Carved in Stone——An Unpleasant Adventure—A Good Man—A Sermon from the Tomb—Tons of Gold and Silver—Some More Holy Relics—Solomon's Temple
CHAPTER XIX "Do You Wiz zo Haut can be?"—La Scala—Petrarch and Laura—Lucrezia Borgia—Ingenious Frescoes—Ancient Roman Amphitheatre—A Clever Delusion—Distressing Billiards—The Chief Charm of European Life—An Italian Bath—Wanted: Soap—Crippled French—Mutilated English—The Most Celebrated Painting in the World—Amateur Raptures—Uninspired Critics —Anecdote—A Wonderful Echo—A Kiss for a Franc
CHAPTER XX Rural Italy by Rail—Fumigated, According to Law—The Sorrowing Englishman—Night by the Lake of Como—The Famous Lake—Its Scenery —Como compared with Tahoe—Meeting a Shipmate
CHAPTER XXI. The Pretty Lago di Lecco—A Carriage Drive in the Country—Astonishing Sociability in a Coachman—Sleepy Land—Bloody Shrines—The Heart and Home of Priestcraft—A Thrilling Mediaeval Romance—The Birthplace of Harlequin—Approaching Venice
CHAPTER XXII. Night in Venice—The "Gay Gondolier"—The Grand Fete by Moonlight —The Notable Sights of Venice—The Mother of the Republics Desolate

CHANTER XXIII. The Famous Gondola—The Gondola in an Unromantic Aspect—The Great Square of St. Mark and the Winged Lion—Snobs, at Home and Abroad—Sepulchres of the Great Dead—A Tilt at the "Old Masters"—A Contraband Guide —The Conspiracy—Moving Again

CHAPTER XXIV. Down Through Italy by Rail—Idling in Florence—Dante and Galileo—An Ungrateful City—Dazzling Generosity—Wonderful Mosaics—The Historical Arno—Lost Again—Found Again, but no Fatted Calf Ready—The Leaning Tower of Pisa—The Ancient Duomo—The Old Original First Pendulum that Ever Swung—An Enchanting Echo—A New Holy Sepulchre—A Relic of Antiquity—A Fallen Republic—At Leghorn—At Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board the Ship—Our Vessel an Object of Grave Suspicion—Garibaldi Visited—Threats of Quarantine
CHAPTER XXV. The Works of Bankruptcy—Railway Grandeur—How to Fill an Empty Treasury—The Sumptuousness of Mother Church—Ecclesiastical Splendor —Magnificence and Misery—General Execration—More Magnificence A Good Word for the Priests—Civita Vecchia the Dismal—Off for Rome
CHAPTER XXVI. The Modern Roman on His Travels—The Grandeur of St. Peter's—Holy Relics —Grand View from the Dome—The Holy Inquisition—Interesting Old Monkish Frauds—The Ruined Coliseum—The Coliseum in the Days of its Prime —Ancient Playbill of a Coliseum Performance—A Roman Newspaper Criticism 1700 Years Old
CHAPTER XXVII. "Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday"—The Man who Never Complained —An Exasperating Subject—Asinine Guides—The Roman Catacombs The Saint Whose Fervor Burst his Ribs—The Miracle of the Bleeding Heart —The Legend of Ara Coeli
CHAPTER XXVIII. Picturesque Horrors—The Legend of Brother Thomas—Sorrow Scientifically Analyzed—A Festive Company of the Dead—The Great Vatican Museum Artist Sins of Omission—The Rape of the Sabines—Papal Protection of Art—High Price of "Old Masters"—Improved Scripture—Scale of Rank of the Holy Personages in Rome—Scale of Honors Accorded Them —Fossilizing—Away for Naples
CHAPTER XXIX. Naples—In Quarantine at Last—Annunciation—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius—A Two Cent Community—The Black Side of Neapolitan Character—Monkish Miracles—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued—The Stranger and the Hackman—Night View of Naples from the Mountain-side—-Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued
CHAPTER XXX. Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued—Beautiful View at Dawn—Less Beautiful in the Back Streets—Ascent of Vesuvius Continued—Dwellings a Hundred Feet High—A Motley Procession—Bill of Fare for a Peddler's Breakfast—Princely Salaries—Ascent of Vesuvius Continued—An Average of Prices—The wonderful "Blue Grotto"—Visit to Celebrated Localities in the Bay of Naples—The Poisoned "Grotto of the Dog"—A Petrified Sea of Lava—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued—The Summit Reached—Description of the Crater—Descent of Vesuvius
CHAPTER XXXI. The Buried City of Pompeii—How Dwellings Appear that have been Unoccupied for Eighteen hundred years—The Judgment Seat—Desolation—The Footprints of the Departed—"No Women Admitted"—Theatres, Bakeshops, Schools—Skeletons preserved by the Ashes and Cinders—The Brave Martyr to Duty—Rip Van Winkle—The Perishable Nature of Fame
CHAPTER XXXII. At Sea Once More—The Pilgrims all Well—Superb Stromboli—Sicily by Moonlight—Scylla and Charybdis—The "Oracle" at Fault—Skirting the Isles of Greece Ancient Athens—Blockaded by Quarantine and Refused Permission to Enter—Running the Blockade—A Bloodless Midnight Adventure—Turning Robbers from Necessity—Attempt to Carry the Acropolis by Storm—We Fail—Among the Glories of the Past—A World of Ruined Sculpture—A Fairy Vision—Famous Localities—Retreating in Good Order —Captured by the Guards—Travelling in Military State—Safe on Board Again
CHAPTER XXXIII. Modern Greece—Fallen Greatness—Sailing Through the Archipelago and the Dardanelles—Footprints of History—The First Shoddy Contractor of whom History gives any Account—Anchored Before Constantinople—Fantastic Fashions—The Ingenious Goose-Rancher—Marvelous Cripples—The Great Mosque—The Thousand and One Columns—The Grand Bazaar of Stamboul
CHAPTER XXXIV. Scarcity of Morals and Whiskey—Slave-Girl Market Report—Commercial Morality at a Discount—The Slandered Dogs of Constantinople —Questionable Delights of Newspaperdom in Turkey—Ingenious Italian Journalism—No More Turkish Lunches Desired—The Turkish Bath Fraud —The Narghileh Fraud—Jackplaned by a Native—The Turkish Coffee Fraud
CHAPTER XXXV. Sailing Through the Bosporus and the Black Sea—"Far-Away Moses" —Melancholy Sebastopol—Hospitably Received in Russia—Pleasant English People—Desperate Fighting—Relic Hunting—How Travellers Form "Cabinets"
CHAPTER XXXVI. Nine Thousand Miles East—Imitation American Town in Russia—Gratitude that Came Too Late—To Visit the Autocrat of All the Russias
CHAPTER XXXVII. Summer Home of Royalty—Practising for the Dread Ordeal—Committee on Imperial Address—Reception by the Emperor and Family—Dresses of the Imperial Party—Concentrated Power—Counting the Spoons—At the Grand Duke's—A Charming Villa—A Knightly Figure—The Grand Duchess—A Grand Ducal Breakfast—Baker's Boy, the Famine-Breeder—Theatrical Monarchs a Fraud—Saved as by Fire—The Governor—General's Visit to the Ship —Official "Style"—Aristocratic Visitors—"Munchausenizing" with Them —Closing Ceremonies
CHAPTER XXXVIII. Return to Constantinople—We Sail for Asia—The Sailors Burlesque the Imperial Visitors—Ancient Smyrna—The "Oriental Splendor" Fraud —The "Biblical Crown of Life"—Pilgrim Prophecy-Savans—Sociable Armenian Girls—A Sweet Reminiscence—"The Camels are Coming, Ha-ha!"
CHAPTER XXXIX. Smyrna's Lions—The Martyr Polycarp—The "Seven Churches"—Remains of the Six Smyrnas—Mysterious Oyster Mine Oysters—Seeking Scenery—A Millerite Tradition—A Railroad Out of its Sphere
CHAPTER XL. Journeying Toward Ancient Ephesus—Ancient Ayassalook—The Villanous Donkey—A Fantastic Procession—Bygone Magnificence—Fragments of History—The Legend of the Seven Sleepers
CHAPTER XLI. Vandalism Prohibited—Angry Pilgrims—Approaching Holy Land!—The "Shrill Note of Preparation"—Distress About Dragomans and Transportation —The "Long Route" Adopted—In Syria—Something about Beirout—A Choice Specimen of a Greek "Ferguson"—Outfits—Hideous Horseflesh—Pilgrim "Style"—What of Aladdin's Lamp?
CHAPTER XLII. "Jacksonville," in the Mountains of Lebanon—Breakfasting above a Grand Panorama—The Vanished City—The Peculiar Steed, "Jericho"—The Pilgrims Progress—Bible Scenes—Mount Hermon, Joshua's Battle Fields, etc. —The Tomb of Noah—A Most Unfortunate People
CHAPTER XLIII. Patriarchal Customs—Magnificent Baalbec—Description of the Ruins —Scribbling Smiths and Joneses—Pilgrim Fidelity to the Letter of the Law —The Revered Fountain of Baalam's Ass
CHAPTER XLIV. Extracts from Note-Book—Mahomet's Paradise and the Bible's—Beautiful Damascus the Oldest City on Earth—Oriental Scenes within the Curious Old City—Damascus Street Car—The Story of St. Paul—The "Street called Straight"—Mahomet's Tomb and St. George's—The Christian Massacre —Mohammedan Dread of Pollution—The House of Naaman —The Horrors of Leprosy
CHAPTER XLV. The Cholera by way of Variety—Hot—Another Outlandish Procession—Pen and-Ink Photograph of "Jonesborough," Syria—Tomb of Nimrod, the Mighty Hunter—The Stateliest Ruin of All—Stepping over the Borders of Holy-Land—Bathing in the Sources of Jordan—More "Specimen" Hunting —Ruins of Cesarea—Philippi—"On This Rock Will I Build my Church"—The People the Disciples Knew—The Noble Steed "Baalbec"—Sentimental Horse Idolatry of the Arabs
CHAPTER XLVI. Dan—Bashan—Genessaret—A Notable Panorama—Smallness of Palestine —Scraps of History—Character of the Country—Bedouin Shepherds—Glimpses of the Hoary Past—Mr. Grimes's Bedouins—A Battle—Ground of Joshua —That Soldier's Manner of Fighting—Barak's Battle—The Necessity of Unlearning Some Things—Desolation
CHAPTER XLVII. "Jack's Adventure"—Joseph's Pit—The Story of Joseph—Joseph's Magnanimity and Esau's—The Sacred Lake of Genessaret—Enthusiasm of the Pilgrims—Why We did not Sail on Galilee—About Capernaum—Concerning the Saviour's Brothers and Sisters—Journeying toward Magdela
CHAPTER XLVIII. Curious Specimens of Art and Architecture—Public Reception of the Pilgrims—Mary Magdalen's House—Tiberias and its Queer Inhabitants —The Sacred Sea of Galilee—Galilee by Night
CHAPTER XLIX. The Ancient Baths—Ye Apparition—A Distinguished Panorama—The Last Battle of the Crusades—The Story of the Lord of Kerak—Mount Tabor —What one Sees from its Top—Memory of a Wonderful Garden—The House of Deborah the Prophetess
CHAPTER L. Toward Nazareth—Bitten By a Camel—Grotto of the Annunciation, Nazareth —Noted Grottoes in General—Joseph's Workshop—A Sacred Bowlder —The Fountain of the Virgin—Questionable Female Beauty —Literary Curiosities
CHAPTER LI. Boyhood of the Saviour—Unseemly Antics of Sober Pilgrims—Home of the Witch of Endor—Nain—Profanation—A Popular Oriental Picture—Biblical Metaphors Becoming steadily More Intelligible—The Shuuem Miracle —The "Free Son of The Desert"—Ancient Jezrael—Jehu's Achievements —Samaria and its Famous Siege
CHAPTER LII Curious Remnant of the Past—Shechem—The Oldest "First Family" on Earth —The Oldest Manuscript Extant—The Genuine Tomb of Joseph—Jacob's Well —Shiloh—Camping with the Arabs—Jacob's Ladder—More Desolation —Ramah, Beroth, the Tomb of Samuel, The Fountain of Beira—Impatience —Approaching Jerusalem—The Holy City in Sight—Noting Its Prominent Features—Domiciled Within the Sacred Walls
CHAPTER LIII. "The Joy of the Whole Earth"—Description of Jerusalem—Church of the Holy Sepulchre—The Stone of Unction—The Grave of Jesus—Graves of Nicodemus and Joseph of Armattea—Places of the Apparition—The Finding of the There Crosses——The Legend—Monkish Impostures—The Pillar of Flagellation—The Place of a Relic—Godfrey's Sword—"The Bonds of Christ"—"The Center of the Earth"—Place whence the Dust was taken of which Adam was Made—Grave of Adam—The Martyred Soldier—The Copper Plate that was on the Cross—The Good St. Helena—Place of the Division of the Garments—St. Dimas, the Penitent Thief—The Late Emperor Maximilian's Contribution—Grotto wherein the Crosses were Found, and the Nails, and the Crown of Thorns—Chapel of the Mocking—Tomb of Melchizedek—Graves of Two Renowned Crusaders—The Place of the Crucifixion
CHAPTER LIV. The "Sorrowful Way"—The Legend of St. Veronica's Handkerchief —An Illustrious Stone—House of the Wandering Jew—The Tradition of the Wanderer—Solomon's Temple—Mosque of Omar—Moslem Traditions—"Women not Admitted"—The Fate of a Gossip—Turkish Sacred Relics—Judgment Seat of David and Saul—Genuine Precious Remains of Solomon's Temple—Surfeited with Sights—The Pool of Siloam—The Garden of Gethsemane and Other Sacred Localities
CHAPTER LV. Rebellion in the Camp—Charms of Nomadic Life—Dismal Rumors—En Route for Jericho and The Dead Sea—Pilgrim Strategy—Bethany and the Dwelling of Lazarus—"Bedouins!"—Ancient Jericho—Misery—The Night March —The Dead Sea—An Idea of What a "Wilderness" in Palestine is—The Holy hermits of Mars Saba—Good St. Saba—Women not Admitted—Buried from the World for all Time—Unselfish Catholic Benevolence—Gazelles—The Plain of the Shepherds—Birthplace of the Saviour, Bethlehem—Church of the Nativity—Its Hundred Holy Places—The Famous "Milk" Grotto—Tradition —Return to Jerusalem—Exhausted
CHAPTER LVI. Departure from Jerusalem—Samson—The Plain of Sharon—Arrival at Joppa —Horse of Simon the Tanner—The Long Pilgrimage Ended—Character of Palestine Scenery—The Curse
CHAPTER LVII. The Happiness of being at Sea once more—"Home" as it is in a Pleasure Ship—"Shaking Hands" with the Vessel—Jack in Costume—His Father's Parting Advice—Approaching Egypt—Ashore in Alexandria—A Deserved Compliment for the Donkeys—Invasion of the Lost Tribes of America—End of the Celebrated "Jaffa Colony"—Scenes in Grand Cairo—Shepheard's Hotel Contrasted with a Certain American Hotel—Preparing for the Pyramids
CHAPTER LVIII. "Recherche" Donkeys—A Wild Ride—Specimens of Egyptian Modesty—Moses in the Bulrushes—Place where the Holy Family Sojourned—Distant view of the Pyramids—A Nearer View—The Ascent—Superb View from the top of the Pyramid—"Backsheesh! Backsheesh!"—An Arab Exploit—In the Bowels of the Pyramid—Strategy—Reminiscence of "Holiday's Hill"—Boyish Exploit—The Majestic Sphynx—Things the Author will not Tell—Grand Old Egypt
CHAPTER LIX. Going Home—A Demoralized Note-Book—A Boy's Diary—Mere Mention of Old Spain—Departure from Cadiz—A Deserved Rebuke—The Beautiful Madeiras —Tabooed—In the Delightful Bermudas—An English Welcome—Good-by to "Our Friends the Bermudians"—Packing Trunks for Home—Our First Accident—The Long Cruise Drawing to a Close—At Home—Amen
CHAPTER LX. Thankless Devotion—A Newspaper Valedictory—Conclusion

PREFACE

This book is a record of a pleasure trip. If it were a record of a solemn scientific expedition, it would have about it that gravity, that profundity, and that impressive incomprehensibility which are so proper to works of that kind, and withal so attractive. Yet notwithstanding it is only a record of a pic-nic, it has a purpose, which is to suggest to the reader how he would be likely to see Europe and the East if he looked at them with his own eyes instead of the eyes of those who traveled in those countries before him. I make small pretense of showing anyone how he ought to look at objects of interest beyond the sea—other books do that, and therefore, even if I were competent to do it, there is no need.

I offer no apologies for any departures from the usual style of travel-writing that may be charged against me—for I think I have seen with impartial eyes, and I am sure I have written at least honestly, whether wisely or not.

In this volume I have used portions of letters which I wrote for the Daily Alta California, of San Francisco, the proprietors of that journal having waived their rights and given me the necessary permission. I have also inserted portions of several letters written for the New York Tribune and the New York Herald.

THE AUTHOR. SAN FRANCISCO.

CHAPTER I.

For months the great pleasure excursion to Europe and the Holy Land was chatted about in the newspapers everywhere in America and discussed at countless firesides. It was a novelty in the way of excursions—its like had not been thought of before, and it compelled that interest which attractive novelties always command. It was to be a picnic on a gigantic scale. The participants in it, instead of freighting an ungainly steam ferry—boat with youth and beauty and pies and doughnuts, and paddling up some obscure creek to disembark upon a grassy lawn and wear themselves out with a long summer day's laborious frolicking under the impression that it was fun, were to sail away in a great steamship with flags flying and cannon pealing, and take a royal holiday beyond the broad ocean in many a strange clime and in many a land renowned in history! They were to sail for months over the breezy Atlantic and the sunny Mediterranean; they were to scamper about the decks by day, filling the ship with shouts and laughter—or read novels and poetry in the shade of the smokestacks, or watch for the jelly-fish and the nautilus over the side, and the shark, the whale, and other strange monsters of the deep; and at night they were to dance in the open air, on the upper deck, in the midst of a ballroom that stretched from horizon to horizon, and was domed by the bending heavens and lighted by no meaner lamps than the stars and the magnificent moon—dance, and promenade, and smoke, and sing, and make love, and search the skies for constellations that never associate with the "Big Dipper" they were so tired of; and they were to see the ships of twenty navies—the customs and costumes of twenty curious peoples—the great cities of half a world—they were to hob-nob with nobility and hold friendly converse with kings and princes, grand moguls, and the anointed lords of mighty empires! It was a brave conception; it was the offspring of a most ingenious brain. It was well advertised, but it hardly needed it: the bold originality, the extraordinary character, the seductive nature, and the vastness of the enterprise provoked comment everywhere and advertised it in every household in the land. Who could read the program of the excursion without longing to make one of the party? I will insert it here. It is almost as good as a map. As a text for this book, nothing could be better:

                   EXCURSION TO THE HOLY LAND, EGYPT,       THE CRIMEA, GREECE, AND INTERMEDIATE POINTS OF INTEREST.                      BROOKLYN, February 1st, 1867

       The undersigned will make an excursion as above during the coming      season, and begs to submit to you the following programme:

A first-class steamer, to be under his own command, and capable of accommodating at least one hundred and fifty cabin passengers, will be selected, in which will be taken a select company, numbering not more than three-fourths of the ship's capacity. There is good reason to believe that this company can be easily made up in this immediate vicinity, of mutual friends and acquaintances.

The steamer will be provided with every necessary comfort, including library and musical instruments.

An experienced physician will be on board.

Leaving New York about June 1st, a middle and pleasant route will be taken across the Atlantic, and passing through the group of Azores, St. Michael will be reached in about ten days. A day or two will be spent here, enjoying the fruit and wild scenery of these islands, and the voyage continued, and Gibraltar reached in three or four days.

A day or two will be spent here in looking over the wonderful subterraneous fortifications, permission to visit these galleries being readily obtained.

       From Gibraltar, running along the coasts of Spain and France,      Marseilles will be reached in three days. Here ample time will be      given not only to look over the city, which was founded six hundred      years before the Christian era, and its artificial port, the finest      of the kind in the Mediterranean, but to visit Paris during the      Great Exhibition; and the beautiful city of Lyons, lying      intermediate, from the heights of which, on a clear day, Mont Blanc      and the Alps can be distinctly seen. Passengers who may wish to      extend the time at Paris can do so, and, passing down through      Switzerland, rejoin the steamer at Genoa.

       From Marseilles to Genoa is a run of one night. The excursionists      will have an opportunity to look over this, the "magnificent city of      palaces," and visit the birthplace of Columbus, twelve miles off,      over a beautiful road built by Napoleon I. From this point,      excursions may be made to Milan, Lakes Como and Maggiore, or to      Milan, Verona (famous for its extraordinary fortifications), Padua,      and Venice. Or, if passengers desire to visit Parma (famous for      Correggio's frescoes) and Bologna, they can by rail go on to      Florence, and rejoin the steamer at Leghorn, thus spending about      three weeks amid the cities most famous for art in Italy.

       From Genoa the run to Leghorn will be made along the coast in one      night, and time appropriated to this point in which to visit      Florence, its palaces and galleries; Pisa, its cathedral and      "Leaning Tower," and Lucca and its baths, and Roman amphitheater;      Florence, the most remote, being distant by rail about sixty miles.

From Leghorn to Naples (calling at Civita Vecchia to land any who may prefer to go to Rome from that point), the distance will be made in about thirty-six hours; the route will lay along the coast of Italy, close by Caprera, Elba, and Corsica. Arrangements have been made to take on board at Leghorn a pilot for Caprera, and, if practicable, a call will be made there to visit the home of Garibaldi.

Rome [by rail], Herculaneum, Pompeii, Vesuvius, Vergil's tomb, and possibly the ruins of Paestum can be visited, as well as the beautiful surroundings of Naples and its charming bay.

The next point of interest will be Palermo, the most beautiful city of Sicily, which will be reached in one night from Naples. A day will be spent here, and leaving in the evening, the course will be taken towards Athens.

Skirting along the north coast of Sicily, passing through the group of Aeolian Isles, in sight of Stromboli and Vulcania, both active volcanoes, through the Straits of Messina, with "Scylla" on the one hand and "Charybdis" on the other, along the east coast of Sicily, and in sight of Mount Etna, along the south coast of Italy, the west and south coast of Greece, in sight of ancient Crete, up Athens Gulf, and into the Piraeus, Athens will be reached in two and a half or three days. After tarrying here awhile, the Bay of Salamis will be crossed, and a day given to Corinth, whence the voyage will be continued to Constantinople, passing on the way through the Grecian Archipelago, the Dardanelles, the Sea of Marmora, and the mouth of the Golden Horn, and arriving in about forty-eight hours from Athens.

After leaving Constantinople, the way will be taken out through the beautiful Bosphorus, across the Black Sea to Sebastopol and Balaklava, a run of about twenty-four hours. Here it is proposed to remain two days, visiting the harbors, fortifications, and battlefields of the Crimea; thence back through the Bosphorus, touching at Constantinople to take in any who may have preferred to remain there; down through the Sea of Marmora and the Dardanelles, along the coasts of ancient Troy and Lydia in Asia, to Smyrna, which will be reached in two or two and a half days from Constantinople. A sufficient stay will be made here to give opportunity of visiting Ephesus, fifty miles distant by rail.

       From Smyrna towards the Holy Land the course will lay through the      Grecian Archipelago, close by the Isle of Patmos, along the coast      of Asia, ancient Pamphylia, and the Isle of Cyprus. Beirut will be      reached in three days. At Beirut time will be given to visit      Damascus; after which the steamer will proceed to Joppa.

       From Joppa, Jerusalem, the River Jordan, the Sea of Tiberias,      Nazareth, Bethany, Bethlehem, and other points of interest in the      Holy Land can be visited, and here those who may have preferred to      make the journey from Beirut through the country, passing through      Damascus, Galilee, Capernaum, Samaria, and by the River Jordan and      Sea of Tiberias, can rejoin the steamer.

Leaving Joppa, the next point of interest to visit will be Alexandria, which will be reached in twenty-four hours. The ruins of Caesar's Palace, Pompey's Pillar, Cleopatra's Needle, the Catacombs, and ruins of ancient Alexandria will be found worth the visit. The journey to Cairo, one hundred and thirty miles by rail, can be made in a few hours, and from which can be visited the site of ancient Memphis, Joseph's Granaries, and the Pyramids.

       From Alexandria the route will be taken homeward, calling at      Malta, Cagliari (in Sardinia), and Palma (in Majorca), all      magnificent harbors, with charming scenery, and abounding in fruits.

       A day or two will be spent at each place, and leaving Parma in the      evening, Valencia in Spain will be reached the next morning. A few      days will be spent in this, the finest city of Spain.

From Valencia, the homeward course will be continued, skirting along the coast of Spain. Alicant, Carthagena, Palos, and Malaga will be passed but a mile or two distant, and Gibraltar reached in about twenty-four hours.

A stay of one day will be made here, and the voyage continued to Madeira, which will be reached in about three days. Captain Marryatt writes: "I do not know a spot on the globe which so much astonishes and delights upon first arrival as Madeira." A stay of one or two days will be made here, which, if time permits, may be extended, and passing on through the islands, and probably in sight of the Peak of Teneriffe, a southern track will be taken, and the Atlantic crossed within the latitudes of the northeast trade winds, where mild and pleasant weather, and a smooth sea, can always be expected.

A call will be made at Bermuda, which lies directly in this route homeward, and will be reached in about ten days from Madeira, and after spending a short time with our friends the Bermudians, the final departure will be made for home, which will be reached in about three days.

Already, applications have been received from parties in Europe wishing to join the Excursion there.

       The ship will at all times be a home, where the excursionists, if      sick, will be surrounded by kind friends, and have all possible      comfort and sympathy.

       Should contagious sickness exist in any of the ports named in the      program, such ports will be passed, and others of interest      substituted.

The price of passage is fixed at $1,250, currency, for each adult passenger. Choice of rooms and of seats at the tables apportioned in the order in which passages are engaged; and no passage considered engaged until ten percent of the passage money is deposited with the treasurer.

Passengers can remain on board of the steamer, at all ports, if they desire, without additional expense, and all boating at the expense of the ship.

       All passages must be paid for when taken, in order that the most      perfect arrangements be made for starting at the appointed time.

       Applications for passage must be approved by the committee before      tickets are issued, and can be made to the undersigned.

Articles of interest or curiosity, procured by the passengers during the voyage, may be brought home in the steamer free of charge.

Five dollars per day, in gold, it is believed, will be a fair calculation to make for all traveling expenses onshore and at the various points where passengers may wish to leave the steamer for days at a time.

       The trip can be extended, and the route changed, by unanimous vote      of the passengers.

      CHAS. C. DUNCAN, 117 WALL STREET, NEW YORK R. R. G******,      Treasurer

      Committee on Applications J. T. H*****, ESQ. R. R. G*****,      ESQ. C. C. Duncan

      Committee on Selecting Steamer CAPT. W. W. S* * * *, Surveyor      for Board of Underwriters

       C. W. C******, Consulting Engineer for U.S. and Canada J. T.      H*****, Esq. C. C. DUNCAN

       P.S.—The very beautiful and substantial side-wheel steamship      "Quaker City" has been chartered for the occasion, and will leave      New York June 8th. Letters have been issued by the government      commending the party to courtesies abroad.

What was there lacking about that program to make it perfectly irresistible? Nothing that any finite mind could discover. Paris, England, Scotland, Switzerland, Italy—Garibaldi! The Grecian Archipelago! Vesuvius! Constantinople! Smyrna! The Holy Land! Egypt and "our friends the Bermudians"! People in Europe desiring to join the excursion—contagious sickness to be avoided—boating at the expense of the ship—physician on board—the circuit of the globe to be made if the passengers unanimously desired it—the company to be rigidly selected by a pitiless "Committee on Applications"—the vessel to be as rigidly selected by as pitiless a "Committee on Selecting Steamer." Human nature could not withstand these bewildering temptations. I hurried to the treasurer's office and deposited my ten percent. I rejoiced to know that a few vacant staterooms were still left. I did avoid a critical personal examination into my character by that bowelless committee, but I referred to all the people of high standing I could think of in the community who would be least likely to know anything about me.

Shortly a supplementary program was issued which set forth that the Plymouth Collection of Hymns would be used on board the ship. I then paid the balance of my passage money.

I was provided with a receipt and duly and officially accepted as an excursionist. There was happiness in that but it was tame compared to the novelty of being "select."

This supplementary program also instructed the excursionists to provide themselves with light musical instruments for amusement in the ship, with saddles for Syrian travel, green spectacles and umbrellas, veils for Egypt, and substantial clothing to use in rough pilgrimizing in the Holy Land. Furthermore, it was suggested that although the ship's library would afford a fair amount of reading matter, it would still be well if each passenger would provide himself with a few guidebooks, a Bible, and some standard works of travel. A list was appended, which consisted chiefly of books relating to the Holy Land, since the Holy Land was part of the excursion and seemed to be its main feature.

Reverend Henry Ward Beecher was to have accompanied the expedition, but urgent duties obliged him to give up the idea. There were other passengers who could have been spared better and would have been spared more willingly. Lieutenant General Sherman was to have been of the party also, but the Indian war compelled his presence on the plains. A popular actress had entered her name on the ship's books, but something interfered and she couldn't go. The "Drummer Boy of the Potomac" deserted, and lo, we had never a celebrity left!

However, we were to have a "battery of guns" from the Navy Department (as per advertisement) to be used in answering royal salutes; and the document furnished by the Secretary of the Navy, which was to make "General Sherman and party" welcome guests in the courts and camps of the old world, was still left to us, though both document and battery, I think, were shorn of somewhat of their original august proportions. However, had not we the seductive program still, with its Paris, its Constantinople, Smyrna, Jerusalem, Jericho, and "our friends the Bermudians?" What did we care?

CHAPTER II.

Occasionally, during the following month, I dropped in at 117 Wall Street to inquire how the repairing and refurnishing of the vessel was coming on, how additions to the passenger list were averaging, how many people the committee were decreeing not "select" every day and banishing in sorrow and tribulation. I was glad to know that we were to have a little printing press on board and issue a daily newspaper of our own. I was glad to learn that our piano, our parlor organ, and our melodeon were to be the best instruments of the kind that could be had in the market. I was proud to observe that among our excursionists were three ministers of the gospel, eight doctors, sixteen or eighteen ladies, several military and naval chieftains with sounding titles, an ample crop of "Professors" of various kinds, and a gentleman who had "COMMISSIONER OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TO EUROPE, ASIA, AND AFRICA" thundering after his name in one awful blast! I had carefully prepared myself to take rather a back seat in that ship because of the uncommonly select material that would alone be permitted to pass through the camel's eye of that committee on credentials; I had schooled myself to expect an imposing array of military and naval heroes and to have to set that back seat still further back in consequence of it maybe; but I state frankly that I was all unprepared for this crusher.

I fell under that titular avalanche a torn and blighted thing. I said that if that potentate must go over in our ship, why, I supposed he must —but that to my thinking, when the United States considered it necessary to send a dignitary of that tonnage across the ocean, it would be in better taste, and safer, to take him apart and cart him over in sections in several ships.

Ah, if I had only known then that he was only a common mortal, and that his mission had nothing more overpowering about it than the collecting of seeds and uncommon yams and extraordinary cabbages and peculiar bullfrogs for that poor, useless, innocent, mildewed old fossil the Smithsonian Institute, I would have felt so much relieved.

During that memorable month I basked in the happiness of being for once in my life drifting with the tide of a great popular movement. Everybody was going to Europe—I, too, was going to Europe. Everybody was going to the famous Paris Exposition—I, too, was going to the Paris Exposition. The steamship lines were carrying Americans out of the various ports of the country at the rate of four or five thousand a week in the aggregate. If I met a dozen individuals during that month who were not going to Europe shortly, I have no distinct remembrance of it now. I walked about the city a good deal with a young Mr. Blucher, who was booked for the excursion. He was confiding, good-natured, unsophisticated, companionable; but he was not a man to set the river on fire. He had the most extraordinary notions about this European exodus and came at last to consider the whole nation as packing up for emigration to France. We stepped into a store on Broadway one day, where he bought a handkerchief, and when the man could not make change, Mr. B. said:

"Never mind, I'll hand it to you in Paris."

"But I am not going to Paris."

"How is—what did I understand you to say?"

"I said I am not going to Paris."

"Not going to Paris! Not g—— well, then, where in the nation are you going to?"

"Nowhere at all."

"Not anywhere whatsoever?—not any place on earth but this?"

"Not any place at all but just this—stay here all summer."

My comrade took his purchase and walked out of the store without a word —walked out with an injured look upon his countenance. Up the street apiece he broke silence and said impressively: "It was a lie—that is my opinion of it!"

In the fullness of time the ship was ready to receive her passengers. I was introduced to the young gentleman who was to be my roommate, and found him to be intelligent, cheerful of spirit, unselfish, full of generous impulses, patient, considerate, and wonderfully good-natured. Not any passenger that sailed in the Quaker City will withhold his endorsement of what I have just said. We selected a stateroom forward of the wheel, on the starboard side, "below decks." It had two berths in it, a dismal dead-light, a sink with a washbowl in it, and a long, sumptuously cushioned locker, which was to do service as a sofa—partly—and partly as a hiding place for our things. Notwithstanding all this furniture, there was still room to turn around in, but not to swing a cat in, at least with entire security to the cat. However, the room was large, for a ship's stateroom, and was in every way satisfactory.

The vessel was appointed to sail on a certain Saturday early in June.

A little after noon on that distinguished Saturday I reached the ship and went on board. All was bustle and confusion. [I have seen that remark before somewhere.] The pier was crowded with carriages and men; passengers were arriving and hurrying on board; the vessel's decks were encumbered with trunks and valises; groups of excursionists, arrayed in unattractive traveling costumes, were moping about in a drizzling rain and looking as droopy and woebegone as so many molting chickens. The gallant flag was up, but it was under the spell, too, and hung limp and disheartened by the mast. Altogether, it was the bluest, bluest spectacle! It was a pleasure excursion—there was no gainsaying that, because the program said so—it was so nominated in the bond—but it surely hadn't the general aspect of one.

Finally, above the banging, and rumbling, and shouting, and hissing of steam rang the order to "cast off!"—a sudden rush to the gangways—a scampering ashore of visitors-a revolution of the wheels, and we were off—the pic-nic was begun! Two very mild cheers went up from the dripping crowd on the pier; we answered them gently from the slippery decks; the flag made an effort to wave, and failed; the "battery of guns" spake not—the ammunition was out.

We steamed down to the foot of the harbor and came to anchor. It was still raining. And not only raining, but storming. "Outside" we could see, ourselves, that there was a tremendous sea on. We must lie still, in the calm harbor, till the storm should abate. Our passengers hailed from fifteen states; only a few of them had ever been to sea before; manifestly it would not do to pit them against a full-blown tempest until they had got their sea-legs on. Toward evening the two steam tugs that had accompanied us with a rollicking champagne-party of young New Yorkers on board who wished to bid farewell to one of our number in due and ancient form departed, and we were alone on the deep. On deep five fathoms, and anchored fast to the bottom. And out in the solemn rain, at that. This was pleasuring with a vengeance.

It was an appropriate relief when the gong sounded for prayer meeting. The first Saturday night of any other pleasure excursion might have been devoted to whist and dancing; but I submit it to the unprejudiced mind if it would have been in good taste for us to engage in such frivolities, considering what we had gone through and the frame of mind we were in. We would have shone at a wake, but not at anything more festive.

However, there is always a cheering influence about the sea; and in my berth that night, rocked by the measured swell of the waves and lulled by the murmur of the distant surf, I soon passed tranquilly out of all consciousness of the dreary experiences of the day and damaging premonitions of the future.

CHAPTER III.

All day Sunday at anchor. The storm had gone down a great deal, but the sea had not. It was still piling its frothy hills high in air "outside," as we could plainly see with the glasses. We could not properly begin a pleasure excursion on Sunday; we could not offer untried stomachs to so pitiless a sea as that. We must lie still till Monday. And we did. But we had repetitions of church and prayer-meetings; and so, of course, we were just as eligibly situated as we could have been any where.