My Love is Not Fragile E-Book

Catherine Tabequero

• Herausgeber: Catherine Tabequero
• Kategorie: Für Kinder und Jugendliche
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Beschreibung

SOMEWHERE AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD, THERE IS LOVE – AND I FOUND IT. BUT ALONG WITH IT, THERE IS PARTING – AND IT HAPPENED.

MY LOVE IS NOT FRAGILE – The TRILOGY Book of Apology consists of three books - LOVE, LOSS and PAIN.

The Book of LOVE is a mesmerizing and butterfly-filled story. It captures enthralling moments showing how romantic love appears in a way we can’t conceptualize.

The Book of LOSS is a discovering story of feelings and emotions we tend to come across. It is a book about a battle that we choose to fight, and coming to terms with the reality of fear.

The Book of PAIN is an inspiring story of survival and triumph amidst the presence of internal wounds, and finding a perfect place in the greater scheme of things by moving forward.

MY LOVE IS NOT FRAGILE expresses a delicate heart’s voice about understanding, acceptance and forgiveness brought by the love of God.

Leseprobe

MY LOVE

IS NOT FRAGILE

The Trilogy Book of Apology

Catherine Tabequero

Bucharest, Romania

2021

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Acknowledgement

DEDICATION

PREFACE

Book 1

LOVE

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1

Dawn of A New Day

CHAPTER 2

The First Time I Met Him

CHAPTER 3

The First Butterflies

CHAPTER 4

The Lawyer’s Presence in the UAE

CHAPTER 5

His Presence: An Inspiration to Remain

CHAPTER 6

The Confession

CHAPTER 7

‘Tis the Season to Sparkle

CHAPTER 8

Happy Birthday to the Lawyer

CHAPTER 9

Crossing the Threshold of My Fence

CHAPTER 10

The First Kiss

CHAPTER 11

The Most Beautiful Spring

CHAPTER 12

The Separation

CHAPTER 13

In Times of Need

CHAPTER 14

My Own Winnie the Pooh

CHAPTER 15

The Power of Being a Mom

(Sensitive Content)

CHAPTER 16

The First Time I Said “I LOVE YOU”

TheLOVEUNTOLD

Book 2

LOSS

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1

Finishing The Climb

CHAPTER 2

Please Come Back – I’m not Mad Anymore

CHAPTER 3

Disconnect to Reconnect

CHAPTER 4

A Tight Hug of Goodbye

CHAPTER 5

The Five Saddest Days of My Life

CHAPTER 6

I Can Just Keep Coming Back

CHAPTER 7

A Birthday to Celebrate

TheLOSSUNTOLD

Book 3

PAIN

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1

The Desperation

CHAPTER 2

Open Doors

CHAPTER 3

Back to Our Humble Town

CHAPTER 4

He Gave Up On Me

CHAPTER 5

The Last Clasp

CHAPTER 6

The Hardest Cry

CHAPTER 7

Moving Forward

CHAPTER 8

My Last Question

ThePAINUNTOLD

MY LOVE IS NOT FRAGILE

(CONCLUDING WORD)

To The One Who Does Paragliding

Disclaimer

This book is based on the true story of the author. However, some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. The person referred to as a “lawyer” in the book no longer exists.

Copyright 2021

All rights reserved.

This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any form or by any means without written permission from the copyright owner/author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Catherine Tabequero

Acknowledgement

To my favorite person in the town,

I wrote this book solely for you.

When you threw everything that we had, I picked every wrecked of them. I turned them into words.

When you left me, I decided to stay within the world you left me in. I gathered all our memories and transformed them into books.

When I told you, “I will never give up on you”, I meant that when the time comes that you will turn your back on me, I will let you go – to find your freedom, to enjoy every little thing that you have.

But…

Even when books will no longer be produced, bookshops and libraries will be closed, and digital books will no longer be needed, till that very day, please know that I will always find a way to protect every word written in here – for never in a million times have I imagined myself truly giving up on you.

Thus, my acknowledgement for this book goes solely to you.

Looking forward with hope to our separate roads ahead,

Catherine Tabequero

DEDICATION

To the God I know,

Thank You for once, a wounded heart!

To the Wounded Hearts,

Hang in there! You’re going to be fine!

To the Lawyer,

Thank you for giving me

a life - changing experience!

PREFACE

As an avid fan of Disney movies, I once came to a short clip of Frozen 2. I was writing an article when I watched the heartfelt scene, again of Kristoff and Anna, by chance. Anna uttered her apology words to Kristoff, “I’m sorry I left you behind. I was just so desperate to protect her (pertaining to Elsa, her sister).” With all understanding, Kristoff accepted her apology by saying, “I know.” He hugged her so tight and continued, “My love is not fragile.”

Hearing what Kristoff uttered moved my entire being beyond what words can describe. How amazing real love can be! A love that knows how to understand, forgive and willing to sacrifice is everything we need in this world full of chaos. 

Despite being trapped in a foreign country during the height of coronavirus, my love for someone grew stronger. I even lost my job as an English teacher, but his presence kept me safe in a small town. I had no one except him. While coronavirus cases increased rapidly, the butterflies in my stomach equally raised its number every time he came in to visit me. 

Depression, stress, and insecurity combined as we developed mutual romance. Coming from a once broken family, I longed to establish a good and loving relationship. Being an avoidant that he was, he kept pulling away every time I started to take things seriously. 

Out of the fear of losing my residency in the country where my youth was taken over, I vented all my emotions to him. Once in my life, I saw someone willing to fight with me against all odds, and determined to win the battle. However, in just a snap of a finger, I lost him. He gave up on me.

My Love is Not Fragile – The TRILOGY Book of Apology exhibits how I fell in love with someone in a small town. His presence inspired me to remain in a place where I could feel his existence. The first book, which is LOVE, shows a distinction between attraction and attachment and how I found both of them in a way I never imagined. 

The second book of the Trilogy focuses on LOSS. The book conveys the feelings and emotions I experienced for the very first time. Extreme sadness and silent grieving manifest as the second book keeps unfolding. With all the negativities, I found optimism by not giving up. Enjoying the ride of life during pandemic while coping over the loss of someone I truly cared about is not easy. However, as another book follows, new opportunities opened for me.

With all the breakdowns and deep cries, I found my passion again. Despite the feeling of having a knife cuts in the deepest of my heart, I managed to survive. Thus, the third book of the Trilogy is about PAIN. It reveals a lot of sensitive moments I experienced while dealing with the pain of losing a loved one. In the end, I started to carry on and move forward with my life without him as life is not just about ourselves, even when I was suffering terribly. I needed to allow him to experience his freedom without my presence. 

Growing up in a conservative culture in the Philippines, I embarked on a challenging journey in Romania when I was 22 years old. I received a scholarship for my MA, and decided to stay in the country after finishing my study. Starting an adult life in a totally different culture, I encountered a lot of hurting moments until I fell in love for the first time. However, I lost him because I was unstable emotionally. The pain took over, and I was left all alone. In a foreign country where I lost my job, and far from the people I call family, I gained strength and motivation to continue moving forward.  

Being a Christian that I am, I felt like I was a failure. I blamed myself for everything I had lost. But when I came to terms with the LOVE of the God I know, I realized how His love is so forgiving and understanding. Just like Kristoff in the Disney movie, I learnt to accept and understand why the only person I wanted to be with left me. I found forgiveness just in the love I have for him, and I found understanding just in the love I am feeling.

Most importantly, I found forgiveness within myself. I decided to give myself another chance; thus, the essence of moving forward. 

While I was writing the book, I realized that what I was supposed to write as a heartbreak story was actually a story of FORGIVENESS. 

I may not have the same love like the love of God or even the love of Kristoff in the movie, but the love that I found is not fragile. It is willing to understand, forgive and love even more. My newly-found love is the love that endures against all challenges because it’s real. 

I, the Author, welcome you to my story as I put myself in a total vulnerability on how I fought for my stay even during the pandemic time; loved someone to the point I gathered a lot of butterflies; lost someone but never gave up; accepted the pain it brought on me; found a motivation to achieve all my goals and allowed the power of love to forgive myself. Thus, this book is an apology to myself. This is an apology to me for all those times I questioned my worth, blamed myself for everything I did wrong and for beating myself up for all the things I failed to do. 

Please, gather your emotions as the books of LOVE, LOSS, and PAIN start to open!

Book 1

LOVE

INTRODUCTION

In a world full of people searching for their so-called “right one”, what is the possibility of finding them along the way? If destiny’s generosity comes at hand, probably someone finds love without putting much effort into it. As most of the people say, love comes when you don’t look for it. Then, is it wrong to search for love when you desire it too much? 

What is romantic love, anyway? 

No one defines love until someone starts to feel something they never felt before. When it happens, it’s easier to say, “I’m in love.” When it dies, it’s the time for validation. Was it really love that I felt? But why do we have to look so hard? It is because people tend to see love when it’s actually another thing. We, people, come from different cultures. We don’t share the same upbringing. We have different family backgrounds. From an orphan’s perspective, being loved may be when someone gives them attention like a parent never did. From someone who grows up in a loving family, however, falling in love may be when two people spend time with each other. 

Generally, falling in love is like someone buys you ice cream and you end up smiling all the way through. Small things matter. While we don’t really know how love works in everyone’s heart, there is no doubt that small things give a beautiful impression of how romantic love is supposed to be. This is because small things develop into something bigger. I believe small things are the most incredible foundation of what love really is. If you appreciate small things and small gestures, only then you are worthy of something big.

Falling in love with small things, actions and gestures doesn’t require craving more than what is beyond that. It also separates itself from physical attraction. While attraction really matters, the presence of love overpowers it. Physical attraction values acceptance more than what it truly is. How wonderful is it to fall in love with someone without coming to a sensible conclusion of what the person looks like?

The Book of Love talks about how the author finds love unexpectedly. The author shares how a small town brought back her smiles and her interest in love because of someone’s presence. The inspiration coming from someone’s existence gives her the stimulus to remain in a place where she feels alone and a stranger. 

Get ready as the pages will take you to scenarios where butterflies keep flying around! 

CHAPTER 1

Dawn of A New Day

“And suddenly I just know

It’s time to start anew.”

A few weeks after I completed my MA study, I sought employment all over Romania. I was only able to get a teaching job at some private schools as an English teacher. The major reason I couldn’t get another job was that I had a student permit. No established organization wanted to go through the stress of processing my papers because of the complications involved.

To secure my future, I also applied to Abu Dhabi. And, fortunately, I got accepted. I decided just to go as I didn’t stand a chance of getting my dream job in Romania because of my permit. But I changed my mind when one of the private schools I work for decided to process my documents. At that time also, I was in a short-lived romance with someone I met in the university before (he was living next to my dormitory). I told him many times that I didn’t want any relationship, but he never left me alone. So, I gave him a chance.

Starting my job in the small town of Romania was hard. One reason was that I left someone in the town where I studied. I knew it for sure that I still wanted to be with him. However, it seemed like he wasn’t emotionally attached to me when I moved out. Plus, I could sense that he was seeing someone else from his hometown. My life in a small town wasn’t easy. I was alone: no friends to talk to and no activities I could join.

Easter came, and I visited the old town where I used to live. The mere reason I went there was to see my ex-boyfriend (maybe already an ex at that time) hoping that we could talk things out and know how to proceed. However, it didn’t happen as much as I was expecting. And so, it was better to end the whole thing for good. The next thing I knew; I was back in my current town motivated to start anew.

When I decided to stay in Romania, I declined the job offer in Abu Dhabi. I was already excited to move to UAE at that time when I just woke up one morning, and I told myself, “I’m staying”. Whenever I look back to those days, I can only realize how much LOVE I have for the country who accepted my values, my principles, for who I was despite the differences of the country and my inner being. Romania has been a home for me since I was 22. From the bottom of my heart, I love its people, its seasons even if I have to die every winter, its language even if I don’t practice it because of my strong passion for English, and its slow trains that make me travel so weary. Even now, after four years of living in Romania, I still say the same, “I am a Filipino with a Romanian heart.

CHAPTER 2

The First Time I Met Him

“What a noble elegance!

I want to keep my distance.”

After I ended everything with my ex-boyfriend, I returned to my town, and I was determined to start anew. I decided to meet new people from a travel app that I was using most of the time. I looked for girls that I could meet and connect with within the town. Luckily, I found one. Her name is Ana. I sent her a message, and she replied that she would be happy to meet me. We established a meeting place and time. 

We met in a bar. She was so lovely as a person. We talked about some personal things, and I even opened up about my break up with my ex-boyfriend. The owner of the bar was also a very accommodating person. A few minutes later, she told me that one of her friends asked her if she could go with him to the mall to eat. She asked me if it was okay for me to join them or he would join us. I was good with either. I definitely welcomed everyone, especially when I was new in town. I could talk to anyone who wanted to speak to me.

Not long after, Ana told me her friend had arrived and was waiting in the car. We went outside to meet him. Ana sat in front. And when I opened the car’s door in the backseat, I saw a lot of stuff. It was so messy. I said my greeting and introduced myself, anyway. He did the same. It was night time already. So, I couldn’t see his face clearly. While we’re on our way to the mall, I was looking at him in the rear-view mirror. I wanted to defend myself now by saying I wasn’t interested. I knew at that time that part of me still wanted to get back with my ex.

Most importantly, I had that moment of life where I could no longer feel excited about dating. Before that meeting, I was in another town, and I went on dates. I stopped because I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Even if I was in front of a good-looking guy, I just couldn’t feel interested – even in a conversation! I knew it for sure that it wasn’t because I was still emotionally attached to my ex; there was just really something in me that made my heart so grounded. I was so numbed for months that I kept crying about it. I didn’t want the feeling because I wanted to feel excited to engage in dating again. In short, I tried to open my heart again without me forcing it. 

There are times when we feel like ROMANCE is done with us until someone comes and makes us realize that its MYSTERY is just about to begin.

When we arrived at the mall, we went directly to the food court. We ordered our food, and we sat at the table. I was sitting in front of him. Ana asked us to be excused as she wanted to go to the toilet. When Ana left, I didn’t want any silence to take over. So, I asked him about his job. Well, I didn’t ask that because I was interested in him. It wasn’t a date after all. I just unconsciously thought that it would be a good start to know someone since we lived in the same town. Then he told me that he’s a lawyer. When Ana came back, the conversation went on and on, and I liked it so much. He also told me that he was also using the travel app, which Ana already told me beforehand. She told me when we were still in the bar that her friend was coming. Then she told me some things about him and their friendship. Finally, I spoke to smart individuals. Ana is definitely an intelligent person, and the lawyer is absolutely amazing. I love how he speaks English and how he handles conversations! The next thing we knew; we were already walking to the parking lot. I took a glance at him, and I said, “You are very tall.” He’s indeed very tall. And I liked the way he walked. Then, they dropped me off to my place. I said my thanks and goodbye.

Days passed by, and I received a message from Ana. She told me that the lawyer wanted to ask my number because he found a driving school. This was because I really wanted to learn to drive. I mentioned it to them when we met the first time, and he told me that he would help me find a driving school. However, I forgot about it already because we didn’t have any contact afterwards. I told Ana it was okay. I saw RESPECT and DECENCY in Ana and her friends’ approach. He could have asked my number in the mall or Ana could have given it to him directly knowing that we already talked about it.

Most importantly, I appreciated the fact that he really took time to find a driving school for a stranger like me. He sent me a message later on that he would come with me to the driving school. We decided to meet the day after that. 

THE DRIVING LESSON

At noon, he sent me a message asking if I was ready to go. Well, I wasn’t ready yet. He asked me if he needed to pick me up from my place, but I said I would be fine on foot. I was late in meeting him. He was already waiting there for me. When I got closer to his car, he jumped out of it, and I saw an elegant lawyer in front of me. Just by looking at him made me respect him by all means. We talked with a staff member in the driving school, and he dropped me off in the parking lot near the immigration office. He told me that if I couldn’t manage to understand the immigration officer, I could always call him. 

When I finished my work hours, I called and told him about what the immigration officer told me. I went there because I picked up my new residence permit. The driving school asked me for a document from the immigration office; so, I requested it also. But the immigration officer told me that I needed an application form for me to get it. The lawyer replied that he would do it for me when I would be ready for the lesson.

MY EX BOYFRIEND’S GRADUATION DAY

Days went on, and I was still crying from time to time. My tears spoke about my numb heart. I kept telling my friends and my sister that I really wanted the numbness to stop. I wanted to go on with life. What if I would stay forever like that? How would I find someone again? I wanted to get married. I wanted a family. I had to let my heart beat again. 

I was in the mall after work when I received a message from the lawyer. He asked me if I would like to go to the mall to eat. I told him I was there. I waited for him in the food court. When I turned my gaze to the hallway after a few minutes, I saw that noble elegant lawyer again coming towards me. I really liked how he walked! I couldn’t talk more because of the amazement that I was with such kind of person. I accompanied him to eat. I just sat down in front of him, and we talked. When he was about to drop me home, he said that his friends asked him to come over to their place. He asked me if I would like to join. I said “Yes” just because I couldn’t say “No” to a gentleman. 

There, I met Ella and Ryan, two very cool people. We talked a lot until I found myself scrolling on Facebook, and I found out that it was the graduation day of my ex-boyfriend. I didn’t feel good anymore. So, I asked him if we could go home already. 

When he dropped me off at my place, I just cried myself out. I was still affected knowing that my ex graduated already and how I wished I was there to celebrate his success.

ACTIVITIES IN THE PARK

I was at school when I received a message from the lawyer. He told me that we would go to the park to do slackline walking. I knew I wouldn’t feel anything much about it because I just wanted to go home and be sad about my ex. But of course, I couldn’t say NO to him. When I tried slackline walking the very first time, the lawyer guided me. He held my hand until I finished it. I was so loud. We did other activities also. We stayed in the park for hours, and it was the first time I saw Leo, a friend of theirs. We didn’t talk much because he was doing his thing from another side. 

When the mosquitos were about to finish my blood, we went to Ella’s place. As usual, we talked a lot about some things. We even planned to go to the cave and climb on a barrel. 

THE START OF SUMMER

I was chilling beside the pool at my residence when I received a message from the lawyer. During that time, I was in pain because I already found out that my ex-boyfriend cheated on me in the first month of our relationship. So, I totally ended my contact with him. He asked me if I wanted to go to the mall to eat as usual. Again, I couldn’t say NO. So, we went to the mall; ate and discussed different topics before he dropped me off at home. Shortly before I alighted, he told me that they would go camping and I was welcome to join them. I told him that I would think about it as I had to go to another town for a friend’s wedding. We said our goodbyes, and I cried again at home. 

THE DAY MY WASHING MACHINE WAS BROKEN