Project XX E-Book

Mickey J Corrigan

• Herausgeber: Salt
• Kategorie: Krimi
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Beschreibung

In 2012, a deranged grad student dressed as the Joker shot and killed dozens of movie goers at a Batman film opening in Colorado. Gun violence is so out of control in America that it has become a cruel joke. Unlike most of Mickey Corrigan's novels, Project XX made itself known to her at that time, demanding to be written. Usually she researches, prepares, then writes. In this case, she wrote first, then did the research on gun violence, female violent crime, and school/mass shootings. Males are almost always the perpetrators of mass shootings. But females are fully capable of shocking acts of violence and, in the US, military-style weapons are as easy to access as a new hairstyle.

Leseprobe

PROJECT XX

MICKEY J CORRIGAN

In 2012, a deranged grad student dressed as the Joker shot and killed dozens of movie goers at a Batman film opening in Colorado. Gun violence is so out of control in America that it has become a cruel joke.

Unlike most of Mickey Corrigan’s novels,Project XXmade itself known to her at that time, demanding to be written. Usually she researches, prepares, then writes. In this case, she wrote first, then did the research on gun violence, female violent crime, and school/mass shootings.

Males are almost always the perpetrators of mass shootings. But females are fully capable of shocking acts of violence and, in the US, military-style weapons are as easy to access as a new hairstyle.

About the author

Originally from Boston,Mickey J. Corriganhides out in the lush ruins of South Florida to write pulp fiction, literary crime, and psychological thrillers. Her stories have been called “delightful pulp,” “oh so compulsive,” “dark and gritty,” and “bizarre but believable.”Songs of the Maniacswas published by Salt in 2014.

Project XX A Novel of Mock Superficiality

Originally from Boston,Mickey J. Corriganhides out in the lush ruins of South Florida to write pulp fiction, literary crime, and psychological thrillers. Her stories have been called “delightful pulp,” “oh so compulsive,” “dark and gritty,” and “bizarre but believable.”Songs of the Maniacswas published by Salt in 2014.

Published by Salt Publishing Ltd

International House, 24 Holborn Viaduct, London EC1A 2BN United Kingdom

All rights reserved

Copyright © Mickey J Corrigan,2017

The right ofMickey J Corriganto be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

This book is in copyright. Subject to statutory exception and to provisions of relevant collective licensing agreements, no reproduction of any part may take place without the written permission of Salt Publishing.

Salt Publishing 2017

Created by Salt Publishing Ltd

Nick Flynn, excerpt from “AK-47” fromMy Feelings. Copyright © 2015 by Nick Flynn. Reprinted by permission of The Permissions Company, Inc. on behalf of Graywolf Press, Minneapolis, Minnesota, www.graywolfpress.org.

This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out,or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

ISBN 978-1-78463-098-0 electronic

“What I know is my music gets blamed for school shootings.”

—Marilyn Manson

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m a character being written, or if I’m writing myself.”

—Marilyn Manson

& yes each of us is born with a gun on the wall yes a gun in the

closet yes a gun to our heads

—Nick Flynn,“AK-47”

Prologue

Last Day of Summer Classes, 2012

It was hot,that was the first thing you would have noticed. And quiet, weird quiet like it is some Sunday mornings in church between songs. Like just after the choir finishes singing and the organ trails off and the notes ease up, soften, drift into mist, then drop away. The classroom smelled like Ivory soap, tropical fruit chewing gum, hazelnut coffee. The room had a lot of people in it but everyone was holding their breath, unmoving, in a kind of religious state of grace. The room itself was between breaths. Hot and still.

H8er stood beside me with the 12-gauge Savage-Springfield 67H pump-action shotgun pointed due east. She looked badass in my rumpled Diesel Lloyd black leather jacket and my mom’s high-waist black leggings. I’d loaned her my made-to-order lizard skin cowboy boots with the stacked leather heels and the lemon wood pegs. She was a little wobbly on the Cuban heels, but she stood tall, her pale face serious as ever.

That was the thing about H8er. You could never tell when she was having a good time.

The silver ball stud on her upper lip bounced a little. “You gonna just stand there, pussy?” she said out of the corner of her small, mean mouth. Which was, in a way, kind. Because she didn’t want to embarrass me, with us standing up there like on display, in the front of the hushed classroom, everyone staring.

“Don’t let’s wait for the POPO to get here, Heidi,” she added. Which wasn’t so kind. She knew how much I hated to be called Heidi. Aimee’s bad enough.

POPO is what we’d nicknamed the school security team, a couple of buff loser cops who wore tight uniform shorts and boxy tee-shirts stamped front and back with “PO” in black letters. PO for Police Officer. Big whup. All those chrome-domes did all day was ride a couple of crummy blue bicycles around campus, joking about how they were going to frisk the hottest girls.

Not us, though. POPO didn’t even see us.

The M1911A1 .45 caliber handgun was slip-sliding about in my sweaty palms. If she’d seen me my mom would have said, “For god’s sake, Aimee, stand up straight!” Because I was tipped to the left from the Italian Beretta double-action semi-automatic pistol with 16-round double-stack magazines. Which were weighing down the front pocket of the Army-Navy Surplus fatigue jacket we’d lifted. From my grandfather’s closet, along with the guns and a World War II hand grenade that I’d somehow forgotten in the glove compartment of Mom’s car.

I was kind of obsessing about what my mother would do if she found it in there. I wanted to write a note to myself to retrieve the grenade ASAP and hide it in my bedroom. Like maybe in the bottom drawer of my AH McIntosh Danish teak breakfront with polished brass handles, under several layers of my J. Crew cashmere sweaters, including the sea-foam green waffle cardigan I’d had no opportunity to wear this past winter. It had been a strangely warm year, we’d gone through a winter that wasn’t, one for the record books. Not a single day below sixty degrees. Which is unusual enough for this part of Florida that the local media had worked itself into a total frenzy about hurricane season and global warming and all that pointlessly neurotic stuff.

Yeah yeah yeah, we’re all gonna die.

Meantime, H8er and I were creating our own natural disaster this summer. Right here, in the 9 a.m. English Composition 100 class. At Hope Shore’s own snobby little institution of higher learning, Hope Shore College.

I was kind of whispering to myself under my breath because I was pretty sure I’d forget about the damn grenade after H8er and I finished shooting up my summer school class. I hadn’t been remembering to do what I needed to do since the spring, my mind was just so totally spent. Acid washed. But this was so not the time to get out my notebook and write something down. I had to trust myself, which seemed like a stretch. Trusting my mind was another thing that had been slip-sliding away.

“Dude,” I whispered. “You go first. Like, remember: this was your idea.”

H8er tossed her head once or twice and a little clump of eggshell white bang hair bounced around her broad forehead. She lifted the shotgun and took aim exactly the way we’d been practicing all summer long in the citrus grove west of my house. Her finger tats gleamed with sweat. You would have been impressed by how pro she looked. Like Angelina Jolie in Salt.

Before she pulled the trigger, I knew what she was going to say before she said it. “SMD, Aimee.”

Suck my dick. Her favorite expression. Mine too. Our favorite thing to say to each other. And the last thing Skitchen Sturter ever said to me.

PART ONE SPRING, 2012

One: SMD

You want meto start at the beginning, though, because then maybe you’ll be able to understand how I got from there to here. Where we are now. And you think maybe that will help us see where we might go from here. If there’s anywhere left for someone like me to go, that is.

You seem to think there is. Me, I’m not so sure.

So let’s get on with it, shall we? Okay, so before I met Skitchen Sturter, aka H8er, I was your typical nerdy girl with your typical nerdy ambitions for college and career. Only in reality, my mom was the one with the ambitions. I was the one with the nerdy looks and nerdy brains, the too smart girl everyone thought would end up going to Harvard or Radcliffe, Vassar or Yale.

It started in preschool, the whole Aimee’s headed for an Ivy League college shit. My mom thrived on that big time. For years she was sure it would be Harvard, then she got wind of where the “different” kids go and was all about Brown during my junior and senior years. Me, I didn’t really know what I wanted. So I studied a lot, like 24/7. I did all the right stuff, marched the expected college-bound goose-step. You know the drill. I brown-nosed and crammed and aced everything I could, volunteering in between, all of that to keep my mom from going ape-shit on me.

If you diagnosed my mom, she would have something like College Mania. Or maybe Neurotic Elitism. She’s been like this since I was born, or at least as long as I can remember. Before I even got to my first birthday, she’d launched a college fund at Bank Atlantic in downtown Hope Shore, Florida. When I was a toddler, she pushed me in a stroller around Harvard Yard so she could joke I’d been through Harvard. I shit you not. I got airsick on the plane and threw up a bunch more on the king-size bed at the B&B in downtown Cambridge. The Widener Library was right outside the window. I don’t remember any of this, of course, Mom just tells this story a lot. Or she used to, back when she was all psyched up about me going to one of the Ivies.

But you don’t want to diagnose my mom. This isn’t supposed to be about her, is it?

So okay, let’s focus on my relationship with Skitchen Sturter. Because you could easily divide my life story into BH and AH: Before H8er and After H8er. That’s mostly how I see it anyway. BH, I wouldn’t have even thought of saying something like “suck my dick.” Certainly not out loud, never to anyone’s face. But AH, I did stuff like that all the time.

And here we are. Right? Here we are.

Mom and I were shopping at the Everglades Mall the first time I laid eyes on Skitchen Sturter. The mall was way crowded. A rainy Saturday afternoon, the beach crowd hanging in the food court, on their phones or throwing french fries. The place reeked of Auntie Anne’s Cinnamon Sugar Pretzels and The Body Shop Maca Root Energetic Face Protector.

I tried to walk fast ahead of Mom and pretend I was alone. This was impossible though because she kept calling me back to check out whatever store caught her eye, saying stupid stuff like, “This curvilinear ink stretch dress would look terrific on you. It looks like a Stella McCartney Fitzroy, but without the cutout!” Or “Look, Aim, Lucky Brand is having a sale! Don’t you need a new pair of Charlie skinny jeans, hon?”

Then Mom spent an interminable amount of time in Brookstone studying a Vinotemp Single Bottle Wine Chiller with CPU controlled temperatures and an insulated sleeve. Just what my semi-alcoholic mother needed: a way to chill her wine faster. My humiliation freaking peaked.

When we were out front, finally, on our way to the parking lot, thank god, that’s when I saw her. Panhandling in the waterlogged courtyard, where a huddle of palm trees dripped rainwater onto splashy rows of multihued annuals. She was by herself. All eyes and bones, with skin the color of flat champagne, she looked like a paint-by-number on velvet. Beggar Girl Under Tree.

She sat cross-legged just beyond the sidewalk, her back against a spiky cabbage palm, a Starbucks cup full of damp dollar bills lodged next to her in the plush grass. Her legs looked stickish, the knees bulging like Tootsie Pops. Her hair was shaved off back then; this was like almost a whole year ago. The nubby bare scalp made her eyes look huge. I almost felt like handing her my shopping bags because all her clothes were major rags. She was strumming a totally beat guitar, sort of singing quietly. Her voice rasped, like she’d already smoked it up pretty bad.

“My god, why doesn’t mall security do their job,” my mom muttered as we walked past. The air smelled sweet, the smell of freshly smoked la la. The girl looked up quickly, grinned. Her teeth were super white, her eyes a faded blue, her skin see-through pale. She looked washed out. Mom grabbed my elbow and we made a wide berth.

When I glanced over my shoulder, the girl was still looking at us. Laughing. I smiled and raised my eyebrows, like what can I say, my mom is a pain. The girl gave me a thumbs-up, then cocked her index finger and pointed it at me. Pulled the imaginary trigger.

In the car, Mom went on a tear about kids with no goals, dropouts and druggies. How awful and pathetic they all are. How drug ed classes like Don’t Start with Me are a total waste of taxpayer money. Blahblahblah. I yessed her and mainly stared out the window of our Alaska white Land Rover LR2 with burnt almond leather interior and a tinted sunroof. “I’m so grateful I don’t have to worry about you, Aimee,” she said at one point.

Who was she kidding? All she did was worry about me. Would I make dean’s list? How did the biology project go? Was the Hope Shore Sounder going to hire me as student editor? How many volunteer hours did I have now at the public library? How did I do at the track meet; did I place? What else could I do to fatten my résumé and make me look well-rounded enough for the top tier college admissions committees?

She neurosed constantly. Coming your way: endless streams of pain-in-the-ass college candidate pressure. It was enough to drive you mad.

“Yeah, that’s for sure,” I must have said. Or something like that.

Now I’d say, “SMD, Mom.” That would give her something to worry about.

But I guess I’ve done a premier job of that anyway. BH, Mom fretted about me taking college classes senior year, a lot of added work on top of my AP high school courses. She’d asked me stuff like, “Why don’t you dual enroll at Hope Shore College senior year? It’ll be hard, but the admission office at Brown will like that. It shows initiative and college readiness.” AH, Mom said, “Are you sure you’re all right? Are you getting any sleep at all?” AH, I was a total mess. Am a total mess. As you have pointed out repeatedly.

So, as it turns out, Neurotic Mom had reason to be concerned about my future. Maybe she’d had reason to worry all along.

The second time I saw H8er was around six months later. The HuffPo headlines that day were about the failed eradication efforts on Grassy Key down near Key West. The state had declared a premature G.W. Bush-like victory over the Gambian Pouched Rat, an invasive rodent the size of your most overweight house cat. Biologists had lured the critters to poisoned bait for months, later announcing they’d done them all in. Then a year goes by and suddenly residents start seeing the big scary rats again, rummaging in the trash with nasty enthusiasm, nosing across pool decks and scaring babies, ruining people’s morning jogs. So wildlife officials had to start all over with the mass murdering. Kill, kill, kill the non-native invader!

Made me want to buy one as a pet and breed it. Or better yet, go down to the Keys and rescue some before they nibbled on globs of peanut butter laced with pesticides. Why are outsiders always being bullied?

I was trolling around on my iPhone, looking for something to relieve my boredom. I was at school early because Mom had to meet a client at eight o’clock and she wanted to prepare at the office first, “get her head on” for her first showing. So she dumped me at the Central High School library at six-thirty. An hour before it even opened. I slumped on a bench made from recycled plastic milk cartons (like that’s gonna save us from the global environmental crisis) under a sweet-smelling dogwood tree.

Bored with the day’s meaningless trivia, I set the HuffPo “news” aside and started reading Yeats. An assignment for my college lit class. Yeats rocks, but reading a bunch of his stuff at once can be dulling, especially first thing in the morning.

So maybe I nodded off a little, like once or twice. The night before I’d had trouble sleeping and I ended up reading until three. Had my nose buried in Softer than His Voice, a trashy novel I found on my mom’s Mid-Century Nightstand with beveled front edges and antique brass knobs from ZGallerie. What a bunch of duh drivel romance fiction is. Somehow, though, I kept flipping the pages, weirdly rooting for the dewy-eyed goodie-goodie to win over the domineering lifeguard with the six-pack abs. If only I’d been that kind of girl. How simple my life could have been! People who know the brand name of everything and the value of nothing have it so much easier in life.

Yeats had it down about that kind of stuff. After I fuzzed through a couple of poems, I kind of scanned the empty campus around me. The night had been a tiny bit cool so there was a foggy mist on the little manmade lake just beyond the flagpole. A couple of snowy egrets swooped in and out of the fog, calling to one another. A loud blue jay fought it out midair with a bitchy crow twice his size until the big black bird gave up and darted away. This made me laugh.

And that’s when I spotted her. On a bench on the other side of the lake, gazing up at the sky, grinning like I was at the battle of the birds.

Suddenly, she looked right at me. Startled, I managed a little wave. She waved back.

Even with her hair grown in, I recognized her right away. The panhandle girl from the mall. She sat cross-legged on the bench, her face hard to read in the mist between us. But when she beckoned me over, I stuffed my copy of The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats in my chili pepper red North Face Recon backpack with FlexVent padded shoulder straps and hip belt (endorsed by the American Chiropractic Association), and followed the narrow asphalt path around the curve of the lake.

She was sitting in the middle of the bench, but as soon as I got there she scooted over to make room for me. Her shorts and tee-shirt looked even rattier than before, if that’s possible. The front of her wrinkly shirt had two cartoonish fried eggs and block print that read Cholesterol: Silent Killer.

I sat down next to her, dropped my backpack on the ground by my feet. We smiled at one another.

“Go, blue jay, huh? Love it when the little guy beats up on the big bully.”

Her voice seethed with smoke and something else, something foreign. Not an accent, but a kind of ironic maturity. I understood that before I knew I did. At the time, I was mesmerized by her strange looks, her unusual blue-white paleness, and her seemingly genuine interest in me.

When I nodded, she said, “Skitchen Sturter. Call me Hater. That’s H, the number eight, E, R.”

“Aimee Heller,” I said.

We stared at one another, sizing each other up. Her angular face was clean, unblemished, but her elbows and knees were scuffed and dirty. Black grime had been ground into her long thin feet and toes, which looked totally gross. But she smelled like spring, floral and fresh. Unless that was the dogwoods. I thought she was pretty in a haunted, I could use a good meal and a pint of blood kind of way.

“Hey, Hater and Heller, that’s cool,” I said, instantly regretting how duh I sounded.

But she laughed. “Yeah, it is cool. Heller’s a totally down name. You’re lucky there. Had to create a fucking avatar for myself so I didn’t have a total fucking meltdown every day from everyone fucking up my name.”

I probably looked at her in some pussy way because she laughed at me and leaned over, whispering in my ear, “Fuckafuckafucka, muthafucka.” Then she sat back and grinned at whatever expression was on my face. “SMD! Don’t tell me you’re one of those uptight Christian bitches?”

At the time I sort of was, but I really didn’t want to be. The church thing was Mom’s trip, one of them anyway. She said belonging to Calvary Chapel and teaching a God Knows Us class to second-graders was good for my résumé. I did enjoy the organ music, but really, the rest of it was an insulting bore. And, when it came right down to it, I don’t think Mom bought it either. Like how could anybody not totally laugh at the wigged out idea that abstinence before and between marriages was the way to go? I mean, me and Mom didn’t talk about this stuff. But, you know, there was a ton of do as I say, not as I do going on at my house. Plus, Mom spent the whole hour in the back row pew with her head bowed, texting and reading the Sunday edition of USA Today on her smart phone. She made me sit up front with all the born-agains.

“What’s SMD?” I asked H8er, although I knew I should figure it out for myself. It had to be obvious, like OMG or LOL. But I can be dense sometimes, even with the English language. Which is, I must admit, my one and only real gift.

Yeah yeah yeah, I’ve been in “gifted” classes. And AP and honors classes, too. Top of the class pretty much my entire school career. And I’m a supposedly “gifted” varsity cross-country distance runner. Not super-fast, but super long winded, as Coach Meyer likes to say. But the truth is, most of my accomplishments are just a testament to persistence. I’d say to my persistence, but most of it comes from Mom. She’s a persistent nag.

Except for the urge to write. The burning desire to write great stuff, that comes from me. I write all the time, and nobody has to push me to do it. Because really, my one true gift is writing. I can tell a story and make you like it. That’s an art, and for me it’s an obsession as well as a talent. Writing is the one thing in my life I do not want to take a dump on.

“Suck my dick, Heller? SMD? Suck. My. Dick.” She poked me with her bony elbow. Ouch. “C’mon, get with the program. Where’ve you been all these years, under a rock?” She was smirking but in a nice way, so I didn’t feel too egregiously stupid.

She leaned over, picked up my ridiculously heavy pack from the grass. The canvas was slick from the heavy mist. It smelled like a pup tent. When I looked across the lake, it wasn’t so easy to see the bench I’d been sitting on earlier.

“Let’s take a look at what you’ve been up to in Dork School,” she said.

I didn’t want to explain that half the books in the pack were for my classes at Hope Shore College. Being dual enrolled is totally a nerd thing. H8er already had me pegged as an egghead, I didn’t want to feed her any more ammunition.

That would come later.

“Whoa, dog. What hell is this?” she asked, probably rhetorically, pulling out several of my textbooks.

Before you start thinking H8er was just another in a long line of bullies that had been picking on me since I was a fat first-grader or something, stop right there. I am not a school victim. Okay? In fact, although I was not one of the scholarship jock kids, the superrich privateers, the high IQ geeks who fast track it through high school in like a year when they’re only twelve, even though I was never top tier in the class of 2012 subjective as hell social ranking, I was not a loser girl either. Not a goth, stoner, skateboard whore, Biggest Loser, or special ed. Not a breezy bobble-head either. I didn’t give myself away to boys, I didn’t hide in the second floor bathroom and slug Stoli from my leak-proof Green Mountain Coffee Brown Backpacker Thermos with double insulation, although this type of activity did come to pass eventually. But in high school, I was one of the college-bound smart kids, the Presidential Scholar wannabes, the National Honor Society grinds.

Grind Most Likely to Succeed. You know the type. Not popular, but not unpopular either. The rest of the kids at school knew who I was, we talked, it wasn’t so bad. But they didn’t really give a shit. I had my few friends, and that was it. Fine with me. I didn’t give a shit about the rest of them either. As long as they didn’t try to feed me any poisoned peanut butter, life was good enough.

This is not one of those trite Bullied Kid Gets Revenge stories. You must have seen your share of those already. Me and H8er? We were nothing like that.

“Physics for Doofuses, Advanced Calculus for the Categorically Insane, Macroeconomic Theory for Empiricists. Wow, this shit is like pornography for the one percent. Yeats? Okay, he’s cool. But I’d rather fuck him than read him.” When she laughed, her mouth didn’t shift. I mean, a laughing sound came out but she didn’t look happy or anything. “No Plath? No Theory of LGBT Liberation? No feminist lit reader? Why the fuck not?”

I yanked the backpack from her nail-bitten hands and dropped it back on the sodden grass. “How can you play guitar with those chawed up fingernails?” I asked.

“Quit that shit a few weeks back. No money in it. Sold the guitar to some punk in the food court, the best profit I ever got from my music.” She hid her hands in her armpits. “But now H8er needs a new gig. Gotta find a way to make some quick bucks. Any ideas, genius girl?”

Was she hitting me up? I shrugged. Maybe I had like five dollars on me. For emergencies, tampons or a bottle of Advil if I needed it.

“Don’t get all prissy-bitch-snob on me, Heller. Not asking for a handout, for fuck’s sake. Just asking if you know about any paying work I might get around town.”

I wanted to tell her nobody would hire her in those horrid clothes, but I simply shrugged again. “Let me think about that. It’s hard to get any kind of work right now with the recession and all.”

“Hellz yeah. Occupy my ass, Mr. Businessman. But you and your mom have a nice set of very pricey wheels, so maybe there’s an income stream flowing to you that I might tap into. Somehow.” She did that mouthless laugh again.

I smiled, wondering what the hell she was up to.

Suddenly she leaned toward me and sniffed. “You smell great. Like daffodils and red licorice. Yum. Have any like body spray on you? Can I borrow a squirt, I mean? Haven’t had a shower in x days.”

X days could mean anything. I shook my head. “Not on me. You’d have to come over to my house after school.”

She stared at me for a few seconds, her faded eyes searching mine. The color of her eyes is not easy to describe. Like moon ring gemstones in pastel shades. First the irises would look more purple than blue, then totally blue, then almost gray. And the color itself was faint, like it had been whitewashed.

“OMG. Like, was that an invitation?” When I didn’t say anything, she hollered, “Well, okay Aimee Heller! Partay! After Dork School, your place. Be there.”

I wrote my address on a sheet of notebook paper and she pocketed it, grinned at me, mouthed SMD. When I smiled, she slid off her side of the bench and walked away. Not toward the school entrance and not toward the library. Off somewhere, off campus. Her gait wasn’t hurried, but it seemed purposeful. More purposeful than you’d think for a barefoot homeless person in dumpster dress.

Although I wasn’t really sure at that point if H8er was a homeless person. Maybe she just liked to look like a bum and beg money from suckers. That actually seemed like something she’d get kicks from doing. For all I knew, she could have been living with relatives or crashing with friends in one of the beachfront estates along A1A. In Hope Shore, it’s difficult to separate the richies from the posers. The wealthy often dress poorly, and you rarely see anyone in a suit and tie. Eccentrics are common and commonly accepted. In case they turn out to be multimillionaires, I guess.

My mom doesn’t go for weird people though. She likes them born and bred upper-crust, or at least nouveau riche. So I knew she wouldn’t be too thrilled to see my filthy new friend lounging around on my daiquiri pink Lilly Pulitzer hundred percent Egyptian cotton La Te Dah bedspread.

If I were to bring that girl home, I’d need a plan. Obviously, I would have to lend H8er some of my clothes.

I sat there thinking about what I could do. First I would get her to take a nice long shower (my bath was recently remodeled in gorgeous ABK Campaginese Evolution, a darling Italian tile in a real sweet coffee milkshake shade called Café). I’d tell her she could use my Ookisa Fortifying Shampoo with Keravis and the Instant Volumizing Soufflé. That stuff really does wonders for limp hair. And whatever scents H8er liked, she had plenty to pick from. I had several shelves of botanicals, and some super expensive French perfumes I’d borrowed from Mom’s vast collection.

The idea of the upcoming makeover excited me. Like H8er was some life-size Barbie doll and I could just go home after school and fix her up. Like I was a nonprofit charity organization and she was the token urchin.

Sometimes I totally disgusted myself.

SMD, Aimee Heller. SMD, Heidi.