Saki's Plays E-Book

Saki

• Herausgeber: Renard Press
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 215

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

The undisputed master of the short story, Saki's name is synonymous with brilliant writing that satirises Edwardian Society, and his plays were no exception. In his only full-length play, 'The Watched Pot', Trevor Bavvel, sole heir to a country estate, is in want of a wife, but must operate under the strict attention of his miserly mother Hortensia.  Although wildly neglected today, Saki's plays met with widespread acclaim in his day, and he was even compared favourably with the great Oscar Wilde. This complete edition of Saki's plays – the first complete edition ever published – demonstrates the great writer's prowess as a playwright, and sparkles with the same wit as the short stories that have enchanted generations of readers.

Leseprobe

Saki’s Plays

‘The Death Trap’, ‘Karl-Ludwig’s Window’,‘The Miracle Merchant’ & ‘The Watched Pot’

renard press

Renard Press Ltd

124 City Road

London EC1V 2NX

United Kingdom

[email protected]

020 8050 2928

www.renardpress.com

‘The Death Trap’, ‘Karl-Ludwig’s Window’ and ‘The Watched Pot’ first published in The Square Egg and Other Sketches in 1924

‘The Miracle Merchant’ first published in One-Act Plays for Stage and Study in 1934

This edition first published by Renard Press Ltd in 2022

Edited text, notes and Biographical Note © Renard Press Ltd, 2022

Cover design by Will Dady

Renard Press is proud to be a climate positive publisher, removing more carbon from the air than we emit and planting a small forest. For more information see renardpress.com/eco.

All rights reserved. This publication may not be reproduced, used to train artificial intelligence systems or models, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise – without the prior permission of the publisher.

EU Authorised Representative: Easy Access System Europe – Mustamäe tee 50, 10621 Tallinn, Estonia, [email protected].

contents

Saki’s Plays

The Death Trap

Karl-Ludwig’s Window

The Miracle Merchant

The Watched Pot

act i

act ii

act iii

Notes

saki’s plays

‘The Death Trap’, ‘Karl-Ludwig’s Window’, ‘The Miracle Merchant’ & The Watched Pot’

the death trap

characters

dimitri, reigning prince of Kedaria

dr stronetz

colonel girnitza, major vontieff and captain shultz, officers of the Kranitzki Regiment of Guards

Scene

An antechamber in the Prince’s castle at Tzern

Time

The present day. The scene opens about ten o’clock in the evening.

scene

An antechamber, rather sparsely furnished. Some rugs of Balkan manufacture on the walls. A narrow table in centre of room; another table set with wine bottles and goblets near window, right. Some high-backed chairs set here and there round room. Tiled stove, left; door in centre.

girnitza, vontieff and shultz are talking together as curtain rises.

girnitza: The prince suspects something – I can see it in his manner.

shultz: Let him suspect. He will know for certain in an half hour’s time.

girnitza: The moment the Andrieff Regiment has marched out of the town we are ready for him.

shultz (drawing revolver from case and aiming it at an imaginary person): And then… short shrift for Your Royal Highness! I don’t think many of my bullets will go astray.

girnitza: The revolver was never a favourite weapon of mine. (Half-drawing his sword and sending it back into its scabbard with a click:) I shall finish the job with this.

vontieff: Oh, we shall do for him, right enough. It’s a pity he’s such a boy, though. I would rather we had a grown man to deal with.

girnitza: We must take our chance when we can find it. Grown men marry and breed heirs, and then one has to massacre a whole family. When we have killed this boy we have killed the last of the dynasty, and laid the way clear for Prince Karl. As long as there was one of this brood left our good Karl could never win the throne.

vontieff: Oh, I know this is our great chance. Still, I wish the boy could be cleared out of our path by the finger of Heaven rather than by our hands.

shultz: Hush! Here he comes.

(Enter, by door, centre, prince dimitri, in undress cavalry uniform. He comes straight into room, begins taking cigarette out of a case and looks coldly at the three officers.)

dimitri: You needn’t wait.

(They bow and withdraw, shultz going last and staring insolently at the prince, who seats himself at table, centre. As door shuts he stares for a moment at it, then suddenly bows his head on his arms in attitude of despair. A knock is heard at the door. dimitri leaps to his feet. Enter stronetz, in civilian attire.)

dimitri (eagerly): Stronetz! My God, how glad I am to see you!

stronetz: One wouldn’t have thought so, judging by the difficulty I had in gaining admission. I had to invent a special order to see you on a matter of health. And they made me give up my revolver – they said it was some new regulation.

dimitri (with a short laugh): They have taken away every weapon I possess under some pretext or another. My sword has gone to be reset, my revolver is being cleaned, my hunting knife has been mislaid…

stronetz (horrified): My God, Dimitri! You don’t mean…?

dimitri: Yes, I do. I am trapped. Since I came to the throne three years ago as a boy of fourteen I have been watched and guarded against this moment, but it has caught me unawares.

stronetz: But your guards!

dimitri: Did you notice the uniforms? The Kranitzki Regiment. They are heart and soul for Prince Karl; the artillery are equally disaffected. The Andrieff Regiment was the only doubtful factor in their plans, and it marches out to camp tonight. The Lonyadi Regiment comes in to relieve it an hour or so later.

stronetz: They are loyal, surely?

dimitri: Yes, but their loyalty will arrive an hour or so too late.

stronetz: Dimitri! You mustn’t stay here to be killed! You must get out quick!

dimitri: My dear good Stronetz, for more than a generation the Karl faction have been trying to stamp our line out of existence. I am the last of the lot – do you suppose that they are going to let me slip out of their claws now? They’re not so damned silly.

stronetz: But this is awful! You sit there and talk as if it were a move in a chess game.

dimitri (rising): Oh, Stronetz! If you knew how I hate death! I’m not a coward, but I do so want to live. Life is so horribly fascinating when one is young, and I’ve tasted so little of it yet. (Goes to window.) Look out of the window at that fairyland of mountains with the forest running up and down all over it. You can just see Grodvitz, where I shot all last autumn, up there on the left, and far away beyond it all is Vienna. Were you ever in Vienna, Stronetz? I’ve only been there once, and it seemed like a magic city to me. And there are other wonderful cities in the world that I’ve never seen. Oh, I do so want to live. Think of it: here I am alive and talking to you, as we’ve talked dozens of times in this grey old room, and tomorrow a fat stupid servant will be washing up a red stain in that corner – I think it will probably be in that corner. (He points to corner near stove, left.)

stronetz: But you mustn’t be butchered in cold blood like this, Dimitri. If they’ve left you nothing to fight with I can give you a drug from my case that will bring you a speedy death before they can touch you.

dimitri: Thanks, no, old chap. You had better leave before it begins – they won’t touch you. But I won’t drug myself. I’ve never seen anyone killed before, and I shan’t get another opportunity.

stronetz: Then I won’t leave you; you can see two men killed while you are about it.

(A band is heard in distance playing a march.)

dimitri: The Andrieff Regiment marching out! Now they won’t waste much time! (He draws himself up tense in corner by stove.) Hush, they are coming!

stronetz (rushing suddenly towards dimitri): Quick! An idea! Tear open your tunic!

(He unfastens dimitri’s tunic and appears to be testing his heart. The door swings open and the three officers enter. stronetz waves a hand commanding silence, and continues his testing. The officers stare at him.)

girnitza: Dr Stronetz, will you have the goodness to leave the room? We have some business with His Royal Highness. Urgent business, Dr Stronetz.

stronetz (facing round): Gentlemen, I fear that my business is more grave. I have the saddest of duties to perform. I know you would all gladly lay down your lives for your prince, but there are some perils which even your courage cannot avert.

girnitza (puzzled): What are talking of, sir?

stronetz: The prince sent for me to prescribe for some disquieting symptoms that have declared themselves. I have made my examination. My duty is a cruel one… I cannot give him six days to live!

(dimitri sinks into chair near table in pretended collapse. The officers turn to each other, nonplussed.)

girnitza: You are certain? It is a grave thing you are saying. You are not making any mistake?

stronetz: (laying his hand on dimitri’s shoulder): Would to God I were!

(The officers again turn, whispering to each other.)

girnitza: It seems our business can wait.

vontieff (to dimitri): Sire, this is the finger of Heaven.

dimitri (brokenly): Leave me.

(They salute and slowly withdraw. dimitri slowly raises his head, then springs to his feet, rushes to door and listens, then turns round jubilantly to stronetz.)

dimitri: Spoofed them! Ye gods, that was an idea, Stronetz!

stronetz (standing quietly looking at dimitri): It was not altogether an inspiration, Dimitri. A look in your eyes suggested it. I had seen men who were stricken with a mortal disease look like that.

dimitri: Never mind what suggested it – you have saved me. The Lonyadi Regiment will be here at any moment, and Girnitza’s gang daren’t risk anything then. You’ve fooled them, Stronetz, you’ve fooled them!

stronetz (sadly): Boy, I haven’t fooled them…

(dimitri stares at him for a long moment.)

It was a real examination I made while those brutes were waiting there to kill you. It was a real report I made; the malady is there.

dimitri (slowly): Was it all true, what you told them?

stronetz: It was all true. You have not six days to live.

dimitri (bitterly): Death has come twice to me in one evening. I’m afraid he must be in earnest. (Passionately:) Why didn’t you let them kill me? That would have been better than this ‘to be left till called for’ business. (Paces across to window, right, and looks out. Turns suddenly.) Stronetz! You offered me a way of escape from a cruel death just now. Let me escape now from a crueller one. I am a monarch. I won’t be kept waiting by death. Give me that little bottle.

(stronetz hesitates, then draws out a small case, extracts bottle and gives it to him.)

stronetz: Four or five drops will do what you ask for.

dimitri: Thank you. And now, old friend, goodbye. Go quickly: you’ve seen me just a little brave – I may not keep it up. I want you to remember me as being brave. Goodbye, best of friends; go.

(stronetz wrings his hand and rushes from the room with his face hidden in his arm. The door shuts. dimitri looks for a moment after his friend. Then he goes quickly over to side table and uncorks wine bottle. He is about to pour some wine into a goblet when he pauses, as if struck by a new idea. He goes to door, throws it open and listens, then calls out.

dimitri: Girnitza, Vontieff, Shultz!

(Darting back to the table he pours the entire phial of poison into the wine bottle, and thrusts phial into his pocket. Enter the three officers.)

(Pouring the wine into four goblets:) The Prince is dead – long live the Prince! (He seats himself.) The old feud must be healed now – there is no one left of my family to keep it on; Prince Karl must succeed. Long life to Prince Karl! Gentlemen of the Kranitzki Guard, drink to your future sovereign.

(The three officers drink, after glancing at each other.)

girnitza: Sire, we shall never serve a more gallant prince than Your Royal Highness.

dimitri: That is true, because you will never serve another prince. Observe, I drink fair! (Drains goblet.)

girnitza: What do you mean, ‘never serve another prince’?

dimitri (rises): I mean that I am going to march into the next world at the head of my Kranitzki Guards. You came in here tonight to kill me. You found that death had forestalled you. I thought it a pity that the evening should be wasted, so I’ve killed you, that’s all!

shultz: The wine! He’s poisoned us!

(vontieff seizes the bottle and examines it. shultz smells his empty goblet.)

girnitza: Ah! Poisoned! (He draws his sword and makes a step towards dimitri, who is sitting on the edge of the centre table.)

dimitri: Oh, certainly, if you wish it. I’m due to die of disease in a few days and of poison in a minute or two, but if you like to take a little extra trouble about my end, please yourself.

(girnitza reels and drops sword on table and falls back into chair groaning. shultz falls across table and vontieff staggers against wall. At that moment a lively march is heard approaching. dimitri seizes the sword and waves it.)

Aha! The Lonyadi Regiment marching in! My good loyal Kranitzki Guards shall keep me company into the next world. God save the Prince! (Laughs wildly.) Colonel Girnitza, I never thought death… could be… so amusing. (He falls, dying, to the ground.)

curtain

karl-ludwig’s window

A Drama in One Act

characters

kurt von jagdstein

the gräfin von jagdstein,his mother*

Guests at the Schloss Jagdstein:

isadora,his betrothed

philip,isadora’s brother

viktoria,niece of the gräfin

baron rabel,a parvenu*

an officer

Scene

Karl-Ludwig’s room in the Schloss Jagdstein, on the outskirts of a town in eastern Europe

Time

An evening in Carnival Week, the present day

scene

A room furnished in medieval style. In the centre a massive tiled stove of old German pattern, over which, on a broad shelf, a large clock. Above the clock a painting of a man in sixteenth-century costume. Immediately to left, in a deep embrasure, a window with a high window seat. Immediately on right of stove an old iron-clamped door, approached by two steps. The walls to left and right are hung with faded tapestry. In the foreground a long oak table, with chairs right, left and centre, and a low armchair on left of stage. On the table are high-stemmed goblets and wine bottles, and a decanter of cognac with some smaller glasses.

the gräfin, in an old Court costume, and baron rabel, also in some Court attire of a bygone age, are discovered. Both wear little black velvet masks. the baron bows low to the lady, who makes him a mock curtsy. They remove their masks.

gräfin (seating herself at left of table): Of course we old birds are the first to be ready. Light a cigar, Baron, and make yourself at your ease while the young folks are completing their costumes.

baron (seating himself at table): At my ease in this room I could never be. It makes my flesh creep every time I enter it. I am what the world calls a parvenu (lights cigar) – a man of today, or perhaps I should say of this afternoon – while your family is of the day before yesterday and many yesterdays before that. Naturally I envy you your ancestry, your title, your position, but there is one thing I do not envy you.

gräfin (helping herself to wine): And that is…?

baron: Your horrible creepy traditions.

gräfin: You mean Karl-Ludwig, I suppose? Yes, this room is certainly full of his associations. There is his portrait, and there is the window from which he was flung down. Only, it is more than a tradition – it really happened.

baron: That makes it all the more horrible. I am a man who belongs to a milder age, and it sickens me to think of the brutal deed that was carried through in this room. How his enemies stole in upon him and took him unawares, and how they dragged him screaming to that dreadful window.

gräfin: Not screaming, I hope – cursing and storming, perhaps. I don’t think a Von Jagdstein would scream even in a moment like that.

baron: The bravest man’s courage might be turned to water looking down at death from that horrid window. It makes one’s breath go, even to look down in safety; one can see the stones of the courtyard fathoms and fathoms below.

gräfin: Let us hope he hadn’t time to think about it. It would be the thinking of it that would be so terrible.

baron (with a shudder): Ah, indeed! I assure you the glimpse down from that window has haunted me ever since I looked.

gräfin: The window is not the only thing in the room that is haunted. They say that whenever one of the family is going to die a violent death that door swings open and shuts again of its own accord. It is supposed to be Karl-Ludwig’s ghost coming in.

baron (with apprehensive glance behind him): What an unpleasant room! Let us forget its associations and talk about something more cheerful. How charming Fräulein Isadora is looking tonight. It is a pity her betrothed could not get leave to come to the ball with her. She is going as Elsa, is she not?

gräfin: Something of the sort, I believe. She’s told me so often that I’ve forgotten.

baron: You will be fortunate in securing such a daughter-in-law, is it not so?

gräfin: Yes, Isadora has all the most desirable qualifications: heaps of money, average good looks, and absolutely no brains.

baron: And are the young people very devoted to each other?

gräfin: I am a woman of the world, Baron, and I don’t put too high a value on the sentimental side of things, but even I have never seen an engaged couple who made less pretence of caring for one another. Kurt has always been the naughty boy of the family, but he made surprisingly little fuss about being betrothed to Isadora. He said he should never marry anyone he loved, so it didn’t matter whom I married him to.

baron: That was at least accommodating.

gräfin: Besides the financial advantages of the match, the girl’s aunt has a very influential position, so for a younger son Kurt is doing rather well.

baron: He is a clever boy, is he not?

gräfin: He has that perverse kind of cleverness that is infinitely more troublesome than any amount of stupidity. I prefer a fool like Isadora. You can tell beforehand exactly what she will say or do under any given circumstances, exactly on what days she will have a headache, and exactly how many garments she will send to the wash on Mondays.

baron: A most convenient temperament.

gräfin: With Kurt one never knows where one is. Now, being in the same regiment with the Archduke ought to be of some advantage to him in his career, if he plays his cards well. But of course he’ll do nothing of the sort.

baron: Perhaps the fact of being betrothed will work a change in him.

gräfin: You are an optimist. Nothing ever changes a perverse disposition. Kurt has always been a jarring element in our family circle, but I don’t regard one unsatisfactory son out of three as a bad average. It’s usually higher.

(Enter isadora, dressed as Elsa, followed by philip, a blond loutish youth, in the costume of a page, Henry III period.*)

isadora: I hope we haven’t kept you waiting. I’ve been helping Viktoria; she’ll be here presently.

(They sit at table. philip helps himself to wine.)

gräfin: We mustn’t wait much longer; it’s nearly half-past eight now.

baron: I’ve just been saying, what a pity the young Kurt could not be here this evening for the ball.

isadora: Yes, it is a pity. He is only a few miles away with his regiment, but he can’t get leave till the end of the week. It is a pity, isn’t it?

gräfin: It is always the way: when one particularly wants people they can never get away.

isadora: It’s always the way, isn’t it?

gräfin: As for Kurt, he has a perfect gift for never being where you want him.

(Enter kurt, in undress cavalry uniform. He comes rapidly into the room.)

gräfin (rising with the others): Kurt! How come you to be here? I thought you couldn’t get leave.

(kurt kisses his mother’s hand, then that of isadora, and bows to the two men.)

kurt (pouring out a glass of wine): I came away in a hurry to avoid arrest. Your health, everybody. (Drains glass thirstily.)

gräfin: To avoid arrest!

baron: Arrest!

(kurt throws himself wearily into armchair, left of stage. The others stand staring at him.)

gräfin: What do you mean? Arrest for what?

kurt (quietly): I have killed the Archduke.*

gräfin: Killed the Archduke! Do you mean you have murdered him?

kurt: Scarcely that – it was a fair duel.

gräfin (wringing her hands): Killed the Archduke in a duel? What an unheard-of scandal! Oh, we are ruined!

baron (throwing his arms about): It is unbelievable! What in Heaven’s name were the seconds about to let such a thing happen?

kurt (shortly): There were no seconds.

gräfin: No seconds? An irregular duel? Worse and worse! What a scandal! What an appalling scandal!

baron: But how do you mean – no seconds?

kurt: It was in the highest degree desirable that there should be no seconds, so that if the Archduke fell there would be no witnesses to know the why and wherefore of the duel. Of course there will be a scandal, but it will be a sealed scandal.

gräfin: Our poor family! We are ruined.

baron (persistently): But you are alive. You will have to give an account of what happened.

kurt: There is only one way in which my account can be rendered.

baron (after staring fixedly at him): You mean…?

kurt (quietly): Yes. I escaped arrest only by giving my parole* to follow the Archduke into the next world as soon as might be.

gräfin: A suicide in our family? What an appalling affair! People will never stop talking about it.

isadora: It’s very unfortunate, isn’t it?

gräfin (crossing over toisadora): My poor child!

(isadora dabs at her eyes. Enter viktoria, dressed in Italian peasant costume.)

viktoria: I’m so sorry to be late. All these necklaces took such a time to fasten. Hullo, where did Kurt spring from?

(kurt rises.)

gräfin: He has brought some bad news.

viktoria: Oh, how dreadful. Anything very bad? It won’t prevent us from going to the ball, will it? It’s going to be a particularly gay affair.

(A faint sound of a tolling bell is heard.)

kurt: I don’t fancy there will be a ball tonight. The news has come as quickly as I have. The bells are tolling already.

baron (dramatically): The scandal is complete!

gräfin: I shall never forgive you, Kurt.

viktoria: But what has happened?

kurt: I should like to say a few words to Isadora. Perhaps you will give us till nine o’clock to talk things over.

gräfin: I suppose it’s the proper thing to do under the circumstances. Oh, why should I be afflicted with such a stupid son!

(Exit the gräfin, followed by the baron, who waves his arms about dramatically, and by philip and viktoria. philip is explaining matters in whispers to the bewildered viktoria as they go out.)

isadora (stupidly): This is very unfortunate, isn’t it?

kurt (leaning across table with sudden animation as the door closes on the others): Isadora, I have come to ask you to do something for me. The search party will arrive to arrest me at nine o’clock, and I have given my word that they shall not find me alive. I’ve got less than twenty minutes left. You must promise to do what I ask you.

isadora: What is it?

kurt: I suppose it’s a strange thing to ask of a woman I’m betrothed to, but there’s really no one else who can do it for me. I want you to take a message to the woman I love.

isadora: Kurt!

kurt: Of course it’s not very conventional, but I knew her and loved her long before I met you – ever since I was eighteen. That’s only three years ago, but it seems the greater part of my life. It was a lonely and unhappy life, I remember, till she befriended me, and then it was like the magic of some old fairy tale.

isadora: Do I know who she is?

kurt: You must have guessed that long ago. Your aunt will easily be able to get you an opportunity for speaking to her, and you must mention no name, give no token. Just say ‘I have a message for you.’ She will know who it comes from.

isadora: I shall be dreadfully frightened. What is the message?

kurt: Just one word: ‘Goodbye.’

isadora: It’s a very short message, isn’t it?

kurt: It’s the longest message one heart ever sent to another. Other messages may fade away in the memory, but Time will keep on repeating that message as long as memory lasts. Every sunset and every nightfall will say goodbye for me.

(The door swings open, and then slowly closes of its own accord. kurt represses a shiver.)

isadora (in a startled voice): What was that? Who opened the door?

kurt