Silence Speaks Power E-Book

Azhar ul Haque Sario

• Herausgeber: tredition
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 227

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

Ever feel like you're talking, but not truly connecting? This book explores the power of silence to transform your relationships. Discover how silence can calm your mind, deepen your understanding of others, and even resolve conflict. Learn to listen with your heart, communicate with compassion, and build trust. We'll delve into the psychology of communication, from nonverbal cues to emotional intelligence. You'll find practical tools like Non-Violent Communication and techniques for managing your emotions. We'll also explore topics like boundaries, forgiveness, and navigating the digital age. This book goes beyond basic communication tips to help you cultivate deeper empathy, self-compassion, and truly fulfilling connections. Most relationship books focus on what to say. This book explores the power of what's not said. It provides a unique, in-depth look at the role of silence and mindful communication. You'll gain practical tools and techniques grounded in scientific research, with a focus on building emotional intelligence and cultivating deeper empathy. It's a holistic approach to communication, addressing not just your words but also your thoughts, feelings, and nonverbal cues.

Leseprobe

Silence Speaks Power: Transforming Relationships Through the Art of Silence

Azhar ul Haque Sario

Copyright

Copyright © 2025 by Azhar ul Haque Sario

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

First Printing, 2025

[email protected]

ORCID: https://orcid.org/0009-0004-8629-830X

Disclaimer: This book is free from AI use. The cover was designed in Microsoft Publisher

Contents

Copyright2

The Unexpected Power of Silence4

Listening with the Heart: Mindful Communication17

Compassion in Conflict: The Non-Violent Communication Approach26

Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Relational Success43

Taming the Inner Critic: Self-Compassion in Action60

Stepping into Their Shoes: Cultivating Radical Empathy73

Forgiveness: The Path to Healing and Freedom91

Navigating Conflict: Finding Your Style, Finding Solutions104

Boundaries: The Art of Protecting Yourself and Your Relationships119

Trust: The Cornerstone of Intimacy and Connection133

When the Past Casts a Shadow: Understanding Trauma's Impact146

Beyond Stereotypes: Navigating Gender and Communication155

Love Across Cultures: Bridging Differences, Building Connection164

Digital Dilemmas: Navigating Relationships in the Age of Social Media174

The Language of Consent: Clear Communication, Mutual Respect184

Mental Health Matters: Supporting Each Other, Strengthening the Bond189

About Author205

The Unexpected Power of Silence

Imagine your brain as a bustling city. Cars honk, sirens blare, construction clangs – a symphony of chaos. That's your brain on noise pollution. Now, picture a quiet snowfall blanketing the city, hushing the frenzy. That's the magic of silence.

Your Brain's Spa Day: Unplugging for Inner Peace

In our always-on world, our brains are like overheated circuits, constantly bombarded with information. This "cognitive overload" leaves us feeling frazzled, forgetful, and more stressed than a squirrel in traffic.

Silence is the ultimate brain spa treatment. It's like hitting the "reset" button, allowing your mind to declutter and recharge. Think of it as a mental detox, where your brain can finally exhale and find its zen.

The Science of Silence: Where Calm Meets Clarity

Amygdala's Chill Pill: The amygdala, your brain's drama queen, loves to freak out over every little thing. Silence is like a calming lullaby for this anxious region, dialing down the stress hormones and bringing on the tranquility.

Prefrontal Cortex Power-Up: Your prefrontal cortex is the CEO of your brain, responsible for making smart decisions and keeping you focused. Silence gives it the space to think clearly, like a boss in a quiet corner office.

Default Mode Network Daydreaming: Ever catch yourself staring out the window, lost in thought? That's your default mode network (DMN) at work. Silence fuels this creative network, allowing for self-reflection and those "aha!" moments.

Real-Life Silence Superstars

Meditation: Find your inner peace with mindfulness practices. It's like a mini-vacation for your mind.

Nature Escapes: Trade the urban jungle for the real deal. Immersing yourself in nature's quiet symphony is a brain-boosting balm.

Quiet Zones: Seek out sanctuaries of silence in your daily life, whether it's a cozy nook at home or a designated quiet room at work.

Shhh... It's Time for Some Peace and Quiet

Making space for silence isn't about becoming a hermit. It's about giving your brain the breaks it needs to thrive. So, turn down the noise, tune into yourself, and experience the transformative power of silence. Your brain will thank you.

The Unspoken Symphony: Where Silence Sings

Imagine a world where every breath, every pause, every moment of stillness was a note in a symphony. This is the world of silence, a hidden orchestra playing a melody deeper than words. It's the quiet wink between lovers, the shared tear at a graveside, the pregnant pause before a revelation. Silence isn't empty space; it's where emotions dance and truths find their voice.

The Brain's Whisper: Silence Speaks Volumes

Science is starting to catch on to what our souls have always known: silence is a language all its own. When words fade, the brain's emotional centers light up like fireflies in the night. It's like silence flips a switch, allowing feelings to slip through the cracks where logic can't follow. Think of it as a secret backchannel, a soul-to-soul connection that bypasses the noise of everyday chatter.

The Heart's Echo: When Words Fail, Silence Listens

Ever felt so sad, so angry, so overjoyed that words just crumble in your mouth? That's where silence steps in, a soft blanket for raw emotions. It's the comforting hand on a grieving friend's shoulder, the unspoken "I understand" that transcends clumsy phrases. Silence is empathy's greatest ally, a mirror reflecting back the emotions we can't articulate.

More Than Words: The Many Faces of Silence

Silence is a chameleon, changing colors depending on the company it keeps. It can be:

The Quiet Embrace: The comfortable stillness between old friends, where words are unnecessary because hearts already speak volumes.

The Hushed Cathedral: The reverence we feel in sacred spaces, where silence amplifies the weight of our thoughts and prayers.

The Thinking Cap: The mental space we create for ourselves to ponder, to dream, to simply be.

The Oops Moment: The awkward silence that screams "Did I just say that out loud?" (Hey, we've all been there!)

Lost in Translation? Silence Speaks a Universal Language

No matter where you go, silence transcends borders and languages. A shared moment of quiet can connect people from vastly different worlds. It's a reminder that beneath our surface differences, we all share the same basic human emotions.

Silence in a World of Noise: A Lost Art?

In our hyper-connected world, silence is becoming a rare commodity. We're bombarded with notifications, newsfeeds, and the constant chatter of the digital age. But like a precious gem, silence needs to be unearthed, cherished, and protected.

Finding the Quiet: Where Can Silence Bloom?

Tech Timeout: Turn off the screens, put away the phones, and let your mind breathe. Even a few minutes of digital detox can work wonders.

Nature's Embrace: Step outside and listen to the wind whispering through the trees, the birds singing their melodies. Nature is a masterclass in silent communication.

Mindful Moments: Meditation, yoga, or simply taking a few deep breaths can create pockets of silence in your day, allowing you to reconnect with yourself.

The Future of Silence: A Symphony Waiting to be Heard

As the world gets louder, the need for silence grows stronger. It's time to rediscover the eloquence of the unspoken, to tune in to the subtle symphony that plays between the notes. In a world that never stops talking, silence might just be the most powerful voice of all.

The Silent Symphony: A Cultural Exploration of Unspoken Communication

Imagine a world where words take a backseat, where pauses and quietude hold the true power of expression. This is the world of silence, a realm rich with cultural nuances and unspoken dialogues. Let's embark on a captivating journey through the diverse landscapes of silence, where meaning transcends words and understanding blossoms in the quiet spaces between.

Whispers of Culture: Silence in its Many Forms

High-Context Cultures: The Eloquence of Unspoken Words

In the enchanting realm of high-context cultures, such as Japan, China, and many Indigenous communities, silence is a language in itself. It's a subtle dance of pauses and unspoken cues, where meaning resides between the lines. In Japan, a thoughtful silence following a question is a gesture of respect, a moment to ponder and reflect before offering a carefully considered response. In Indigenous cultures, silence often signifies a deep connection to the natural world, a reverence for the wisdom of the ancestors, and a profound understanding that transcends words.

Low-Context Cultures: The Dance of Direct Expression

Contrast this with the vibrant energy of low-context cultures, such as the United States and Germany, where words are the primary currency of communication. Here, silence can be an awkward pause, a moment of uncertainty, or even a sign of disapproval. Yet, even in these cultures, silence can hold power. A well-placed pause can emphasize a point, create dramatic tension, or invite reflection.

Individualism vs. Collectivism: The Silent Dialogue of Self and Community

In individualistic cultures, silence can be a sign of introspection, a moment to gather one's thoughts before asserting oneself. In collectivistic cultures, it's often a gesture of respect, a way to maintain harmony and avoid conflict. Imagine a family gathering in China, where elders are revered and silence is a way to show deference and honor their wisdom.

Power Dynamics: The Silent Language of Authority

In cultures with high power distance, such as India and the Philippines, silence can be a tool to navigate social hierarchies. Subordinates may remain silent in the presence of superiors as a sign of respect, while leaders may use silence to command attention and assert their authority.

Time Perception: The Silent Rhythm of Life

In monochronic cultures, where time is a precious commodity, silence can be seen as an interruption, a disruption to the flow of productivity. In polychronic cultures, where time is more fluid, silence is an opportunity to savor the moment, to connect with others, and to appreciate the beauty of simply being.

Lost in Translation: The Perils of Misinterpreting Silence

The diverse interpretations of silence can lead to amusing or even frustrating misunderstandings. Imagine a Western businessman in Japan, mistaking a thoughtful silence for disinterest, or a Finnish student misconstruing the quiet attentiveness of their classmates as boredom.

Bridging the Silence: Strategies for Cross-Cultural Understanding

Cultural Awareness: The Key to Unlocking Silent Communication

The first step to navigating the complexities of silence is to cultivate cultural awareness. Learn about the specific cultural norms and values related to silence in the cultures you interact with.

Active Listening: The Art of Hearing the Unspoken

Pay attention not just to the words spoken, but also to the pauses, the body language, and the subtle cues that reveal the true meaning behind the silence.

Clarifying Questions: Breaking the Silence with Curiosity

When in doubt, don't hesitate to ask clarifying questions. A simple "I'm curious about your thoughts on this" can bridge the gap between cultures and foster understanding.

Mindful Communication: Adapting to the Silent Language

Be mindful of your own communication style and how it might be perceived in different cultural contexts. Adjust your approach accordingly, embracing the power of silence when appropriate.

Patience and Empathy: The Foundation of Cross-Cultural Connection

Approach intercultural interactions with patience, empathy, and a genuine desire to understand different perspectives. Allow for pauses and silences, recognizing that they may hold deeper meanings than words.

Embracing the Silence: A Journey of Discovery

By embracing the diversity of silence and its communicative power, we unlock a deeper understanding of ourselves, others, and the rich tapestry of human cultures. In the quiet spaces between words, we discover new ways of connecting, new perspectives, and new possibilities for meaningful interaction. So, let us listen to the silent symphony of cultures, and allow its wisdom to guide us towards a more harmonious and interconnected world.

Embrace the Quiet: A Journey into the Transformative Power of Silence

In our modern world, where noise and distractions constantly bombard us, finding moments of silence can seem like an impossible feat. Yet, it is within these quiet spaces that we truly connect with ourselves, our loved ones, and the world around us. This exploration delves into the profound impact of incorporating silence into our daily lives, offering practical exercises and inspiring examples to guide you on your journey toward inner peace and deeper connection.

I. Finding Stillness Within: Individual Practices

Mindful Moments:

The Breath as Anchor: Imagine your breath as a gentle wave, carrying you through the sea of your thoughts. As you inhale, feel your chest rise, and as you exhale, let go of any tension or worries. Start with brief pauses throughout your day, gradually increasing the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice.

Sensory Awakening: Engage your senses fully in everyday activities. Savor the flavors of your food, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, and listen to the symphony of sounds around you. By immersing yourself in the present moment, you cultivate a deep appreciation for the richness of life.

Technology Detox: Instead of instinctively reaching for your phone in moments of downtime, pause and observe your surroundings. Notice the intricate patterns of light and shadow, the gentle sway of the trees, and the subtle sounds that often go unnoticed. Create designated times for checking emails and social media, freeing yourself from the constant need to be "connected."

Reflective Pauses:

Journaling: Set aside time each day to pour your thoughts and feelings onto paper. Explore your inner landscape without judgment, allowing your pen to dance across the page as you capture the essence of your experiences. Use prompts such as: "What brought me joy today?" "What challenges did I overcome?" "What lessons did I learn?" Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth.

Nature's Embrace: Immerse yourself in the tranquility of nature. Take a leisurely walk in the park, hike through a lush forest, or simply sit beneath a majestic tree. Allow the sights, sounds, and smells of nature to wash over you, calming your mind and rejuvenating your spirit.

Mindful Meditation: Find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably and turn your attention inward. Focus on your breath, a mantra, or a guided meditation. As thoughts arise, gently acknowledge them and redirect your focus back to your point of concentration. Start with short sessions and gradually increase the duration as you become more adept at the practice.

Designated "Silent Times":

Morning Silence: Begin your day with a moment of quiet contemplation. Before checking your phone or engaging with others, sit in stillness and reflect on your intentions for the day. This practice can help you cultivate inner peace and approach your day with clarity and focus.

Evening Silence: As the day draws to a close, create a wind-down routine that includes silence. Dim the lights, turn off electronics, and engage in calming activities such as reading, taking a warm bath, or listening to soothing music. This practice can help you release the stresses of the day and prepare for a restful night's sleep.

"Silent Hour": Designate a specific hour each day as your "silent hour." During this time, refrain from speaking, using technology, or engaging in any activities that require mental effort. Use this time for quiet reflection, meditation, or simply being present with yourself.

II. Cultivating Connection: Couple Practices

Shared Mindful Moments:

Mindful Mealtimes: Transform mealtimes into shared experiences of mindful eating. Put away phones and other distractions, and savor the flavors of your food while enjoying each other's company. Engage in meaningful conversation, but also allow for moments of comfortable silence.

Nature Walks: Take leisurely walks together in nature, hand in hand, appreciating the beauty that surrounds you. Refrain from talking, and simply be present with each other and the natural world.

Joint Meditation: Meditate together, either sitting side-by-side or holding hands. Focus on your breath or a guided meditation, allowing the shared experience to deepen your connection and foster a sense of peace.

Reflective Dialogues:

"Check-In" Conversations: Set aside time each day or week to have a "check-in" conversation. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with each other, listening attentively and without judgment. Use prompts such as: "What are you grateful for today?" "What challenges are you facing?" "How can I support you?"

Appreciation Exercises: Express gratitude for each other, both verbally and through acts of kindness. Write each other heartfelt love notes, give genuine compliments, or perform small gestures of appreciation. These practices can strengthen your bond and foster a deeper sense of connection.

Conflict Resolution with Silence: When conflicts arise, take a "silent pause" before reacting. Step away from the situation, take some deep breaths, and allow yourself to calm down. This practice can help you approach the conflict with greater clarity and compassion.

Designated "Couple Silent Time":

"Device-Free" Evenings: Designate certain evenings as "device-free" time. Turn off phones, computers, and televisions, and spend quality time together, engaging in activities such as reading, playing games, or simply talking.

Weekend Retreats: Plan weekend retreats where you can disconnect from the outside world and focus on each other. Choose a quiet location, such as a cabin in the woods or a secluded beach house. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and connection, such as hiking, yoga, or massage.

"Silent Hour" Together: Designate a specific hour each day or week as your "couple silent hour." During this time, refrain from speaking, using technology, or engaging in any activities that require mental effort. Use this time for quiet reflection, meditation, or simply being present with each other.

III. Inspiring Examples: Case Studies

The Busy Executive: John, a high-powered executive, found himself constantly stressed and anxious. By incorporating mindful moments into his day, such as taking short breaks to focus on his breath and engage in sensory awareness, he began to experience a greater sense of calm and focus. He also started a daily journaling practice to reflect on his experiences and process his emotions, which further contributed to his overall well-being.

The Struggling Couple: Sarah and Mark, a couple facing communication challenges, decided to incorporate designated "couple silent time" into their week. They set aside one evening a week to turn off all electronics and spend quality time together, engaging in activities such as reading, playing games, and simply talking. This practice helped them to reconnect, improve their communication, and strengthen their bond.

The Creative Artist: Maria, a painter, discovered that incorporating silence into her creative process enhanced her inspiration and focus. She created a dedicated "silent studio" where she could work without distractions. She also practiced mindful meditation and nature immersion to cultivate a sense of inner peace and clarity, which translated into her artwork.

IV. Embrace the Power of Silence

Incorporating silence into our daily lives can be a transformative practice, offering us a sanctuary from the constant noise and demands of the modern world. By practicing mindful moments, reflective pauses, and designated "silent times," we can create space for inner peace, cultivate mindfulness, and enhance our relationships. The exercises and examples provided in this exploration offer a starting point for incorporating silence into your daily routine. Experiment with different practices and find what works best for you. Embrace the power of silence and discover the profound benefits it can bring to your life.

Listening with the Heart: Mindful Communication

Imagine a world where everyone truly listens. Not just hears, but truly listens. A world where conversations aren't just a volley of words, but a dance of understanding, where empathy isn't a buzzword, but a bridge between souls. That's the power of deep listening – a superpower we all possess, but often forget to use.

Think of it like this: We're all radios, constantly transmitting and receiving. But most of the time, we're stuck on "broadcast mode," our own thoughts and anxieties drowning out the subtle signals from others. Deep listening is like tuning that dial, fine-tuning our reception to truly hear the music in another person's heart.

It's about more than just keeping quiet (though that's a good start!). It's about being present, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Imagine stepping into someone else's shoes, not just to walk a mile, but to feel the blisters, the rough patches, the unexpected joys along the way. That's empathy – the secret sauce of deep listening.

And then there's reflection, the echo that lets the other person know, "I hear you, I see you, I get you." It's like holding up a mirror, not to judge, but to help them see themselves more clearly, to feel truly understood.

Why does this matter? Because in a world obsessed with "me, myself, and I," deep listening is a radical act of love. It's a way of saying, "You matter, your story matters, your feelings matter." And when people feel truly heard, amazing things happen. Walls crumble, connections blossom, and even the most hardened hearts begin to soften.

Think of those magical conversations where you felt truly seen, truly understood. Didn't it feel like coming home? That's the gift of deep listening – a gift we can all give, and a gift that keeps on giving.

So, how do we become better listeners? It's a journey, not a destination, but here are a few signposts along the way:

Silence your inner chatterbox: Put down your phone, close your laptop, and shush that voice in your head that's already planning its next witty retort.

Become a detective of emotions: Pay attention to the subtle cues – the flicker in their eyes, the tremor in their voice, the way their hands fidget. These are the whispers of the soul, waiting to be heard.

Ask, don't assume: Curiosity is your best friend. Ask open-ended questions, the kind that invite them to share their story, their fears, their dreams.

Reflect, don't parrot: Don't just repeat their words; reflect their feelings. "It sounds like you're feeling frustrated" is worth a thousand "I understands."

Embrace the awkward silence: Sometimes, the most powerful communication happens in the spaces between words.

Deep listening isn't just a skill; it's an art, a practice, a way of being. It's messy, it's imperfect, but it's oh-so-worth it. Because in a world that's often deafened by noise, the ability to truly listen is a superpower that can change the world, one conversation at a time.

Imagine this:

You're at a bustling cocktail party. The clinking of glasses, the murmur of conversations, the swirl of colorful dresses and sharp suits... it's a sensory feast. But amidst the cacophony, something else is happening. A silent conversation, a hidden language, is playing out in the subtle glances, the tilted heads, the fleeting touches.

This, my friend, is the captivating world of nonverbal intelligence. It's like having a secret decoder ring for human behavior, allowing you to decipher the whispers of the body, the unspoken truths that hide in plain sight.

Think of it as a dance. Words are the lyrics, but the body is the music. And just like a skilled dancer can convey a whole story with a single gesture, so too can a person fluent in nonverbal communication.

Forget the textbook definitions. Let's paint a picture instead.

Kinesics: It's the way a lover leans in, eyes locked, hanging on to every word. It's the nervous fidgeting of a child caught in a lie. It's the power pose of a CEO commanding a boardroom.

Proxemics: It's the intimate closeness of a whispered secret. It's the awkward distance of a first date. It's the territorial spread of a businessman marking his space.

Haptics: It's the comforting hug of a friend. It's the electrifying touch of a new romance. It's the firm handshake that seals a deal.

And so on...

Let's bring this to life with a story.

Picture Sarah, not just a sales manager, but a "people whisperer." She has this uncanny knack for sensing when something's off. It's like she has a sixth sense. One day, she notices Tom, usually a top performer, is like a wilting flower. He's withdrawn, his eyes downcast, his smile... gone.

Sarah, with her nonverbal superpowers, sees beyond the facade. She senses a storm brewing beneath the surface. A quiet conversation, a gentle touch on the arm, and Tom's carefully constructed walls crumble. He confides in Sarah about his struggles, the weight he's been carrying.

Sarah doesn't just hear his words; she sees his pain. And in that moment of shared vulnerability, a connection is formed, a problem is solved, and a friendship is deepened.

The face, my dear, is a canvas of emotions.

Think of Paul Ekman, the emotion guru, as an art critic, dissecting the masterpieces painted on our faces. Happiness is a vibrant splash of color, sadness a melancholic wash of grey, anger a fiery explosion of red.

But the real magic lies in the micro-expressions, those fleeting flickers of emotion that betray our true feelings. They're like hidden messages, whispered secrets that only the trained eye can catch.

Imagine a poker game. The players, faces carefully blank, try to conceal their hands. But a skilled observer might catch a micro-expression, a twitch of the lip, a subtle dilation of the pupils, revealing the telltale signs of a bluff.

Nonverbal intelligence isn't just about reading others; it's about mastering your own body language.

It's about aligning your inner world with your outer expression. It's about being authentic, congruent, and genuine. Because when your words and your body are singing in harmony, you create a symphony of trust, credibility, and connection.

So, how do you become a nonverbal ninja?

Be a student of the human body. Observe, analyze, and interpret. Watch people like a hawk, but with kindness and curiosity.

Embrace context. A gesture in one culture might mean something completely different in another. Be a cultural detective, uncovering the hidden meanings behind nonverbal cues.

Turn the mirror on yourself. Become aware of your own body language. Are you projecting confidence or insecurity? Openness or defensiveness?

Listen with your whole being. Don't just hear the words; see the speaker, feel their energy, and sense their emotions.

In the end, nonverbal intelligence is about connection.

It's about bridging the gap between ourselves and others, forging deeper relationships, and navigating the complex tapestry of human interaction. It's about understanding the silent language of the body and using it to create a more harmonious and fulfilling life.

So, go forth and embrace the power of nonverbal intelligence! Let your body speak, and let your awareness deepen. The world is a stage, and you, my friend, are a master communicator.

Subtopic 3: "I" Statements: Your Secret Weapon for Taming Communication Dragons

Ever feel like you're talking to a brick wall during an argument? Like your words are bouncing off and nothing's getting through? Or maybe you're the one with the wall up, spikes out, ready to defend your territory at all costs?

Well, guess what? "I" statements are your secret weapon for breaking down those walls and actually connecting with the other person. They're like a magic spell for arguments, disarming your opponent and making them less likely to go on the defensive (no fire-breathing dragons here!).

Decoding the "I" Statement Spell

"I" statements are a way of expressing yourself without pointing fingers or turning into a blame-throwing monster. They're all about owning your feelings and experiences, not dumping them on someone else. Think of it like this:

"I feel..." - This is where you name the emotion swirling inside you. Be specific! "Frustrated," "disappointed," "hurt," "like I want to hide under a rock" – the more precise, the better.

"...when..." - Now you paint the picture of what triggered that feeling. Stick to the facts, like a detective reporting a crime. "When I'm interrupted," "when I see dishes piled up like a leaning tower of Pisa," "when I hear my name used in a sarcastic tone."

"...because..." - Here's where you explain why this situation makes you feel the way you do. It's like giving the other person a peek inside your head and showing them how their actions affect you.

"...and I would like..." - Time to wave your magic wand and express what you want to see happen differently. Be clear and specific about your desired outcome. "I would like it if we could take turns speaking," "I would love it if we could share chores more evenly," "I would appreciate it if we could communicate with more respect."

Why "I" Statements Rock

Defensiveness Down: Nobody likes being attacked. "I" statements help you express your concerns without sounding like you're launching a verbal assault. This makes the other person more likely to actually listen to what you have to say.