Something Borrowed, Something Doomed E-Book

Robert Jeschonek

• Herausgeber: Pie Press
• Kategorie: Fantasy und Science-Fiction
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

The wildshiners of Best Virginia make bioengineering seem like magic, whipping up incredible hybrid creatures like rhinoporcupines and exotic environments straight out of a fairy tale. But the genebillies of the prank-loving Dozen family take it too far when they start out wrecking a wedding and end up bringing on the apocalypse. "Till death do us part" will come a lot sooner than expected—for the whole damn world—unless the bride, Vicky Dozen, can use her wildshiner skills to weave together what her whack-job brothers have torn asunder. But first, she must solve the ultimate mystery, bringing to light the deepest secret of her family, a secret rooted in the very genetic material that gives her life meaning. Don't miss this edgy, exciting, and surprising science fiction tale by a Star Trek and Doctor Who author. It’s the latest story from award-winning storyteller Robert Jeschonek, a master of unique and unexpected scifi and fantasy that really packs a punch.

Leseprobe

SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING DOOMED

A SCIFI STORY

ROBERT JESCHONEK

CONTENTS

Also by Robert Jeschonek

Something Borrowed, Something Doomed

About the Author

Special Preview: Six Scifi Stories Volume Four

SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING DOOMED

Copyright © 2023 by Robert Jeschonek

http://bobscribe.com/

Cover Art Copyright © 2023 by Ben Baldwin

www.benbaldwin.co.uk

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved by the author.

Published by Blastoff Books

An Imprint of Pie Press

411 Chancellor Street

Johnstown, Pennsylvania 15904

www.piepresspublishing.com/

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ALSO BY ROBERT JESCHONEK

Battlenaut Crucible

Scifi Motherlode

Six Scifi Stories Volume One

Six Scifi Stories Volume Two

Six Scifi Stories Volume Three

Six Scifi Stories Volume Four

Sticks and Stones: A Trek Novel

The Spinach Can's Son

Universal Language

SOMETHING BORROWED, SOMETHING DOOMED

Back home, we had a tradition: the worse the weddin’, the better the marriage.  That’s why our people worked so hard to ruin each other’s weddin’ days.

It gave the bride an’ groom somethin’ to overcome an’ a cause for hope...like, there’s nowhere to go from here but up.  We told an’ retold the stories over an’ over, an’ they just got better with age.

But just like with anythin’, sooner or later someone’s gonna go too far.  Take it to extremes. Face it, there are some calamities that just don’t sound better no matter how many times you retell ‘em.

Like the end a’ the world, for example.  That was the monkey business my brothers got up to on my weddin’ day.

They figured, if they could pull it off, they’d set me up for the greatest marriage of all time, because how could you ruin anybody’s weddin’ day any worse than endin’ the world?

This just goes to show how dirt-suckin’ stupid my brothers could be.

* * *

I guess I knew I was in for trouble when my brothers actually seemed to like my boyfriend, Bigfoot.  (Nickname, it’s just a nickname.)

Now, my brothers had a long history a’ hatin’ my beaus and drivin’ ‘em off...but Bigfoot won ‘em over.  Even Thirty Ought, the youngest and roughest, came around, which is really sayin’ somethin’.

“You better do right by him, Vicky,” Thirty Ought told me one day, combin’ his fingers through his thick, black hair.  He narrowed his bright blue eyes at me an’ nodded. “No funny stuff, understand?”

Part of it had to do with Bigfoot’s winnin’ personality.  He was just the kind a’ guy who if you shot him accidentally while huntin’, you’d never forgive yourself.

The rest of it, from what I can see, had to do with him bein’ one a’ the best wildshiners around.  Give him a glass a’ unprogrammed bacteria, and in nothin’ flat, he could turn forty acres a’ run-a’-the-mill woods into a fairytale kingdom a’ twirlin’ parasols and dancin’ geisha foxes.

He was better than any of us, which I have to admit made me hate him in a jealous kind a’ way at the same time I was fallin’ in love with him.

* * *

Now, when I say he was better than us, that’s high praise.  When it comes to wildshiners, my family, the Dozens, were second only to Bigfoot Tourniquet in the state a’ Best Virginia...ipso facto in the whole United States, since Best Virginia was the only state where wildshinin’ wasn’t outlawed.  (We used to be West Virginia, till the National Guard got creamed in the mountain country an’ the Supreme Court exempted us from the genetic tamperin’ ban.  The “B” is for “bioengineering,” y’know.)

You wouldn’t believe what we were doin’ out there.  Of course you’ve heard about the huntin’; maybe you’ve even been lucky enough to go on a safari through one of our exclusive altered game preserves.

But that was just the ass end of it, my friend.  That was just the part we sold to make a livin’. What you didn’t see is that we’d made an art out a’ wildshinin’, just like our ancestors did with moonshinin’.

While the rest a’ the country had turned away from the biorevolution, we Best Virginians had become magicians.  We had learned how to use the tiniest creatures to change the world in the biggest, most beautiful ways.

We worked miracles, or at least the closest thing to ‘em.  There was just one problem.

As long as a human bein’s still doin’ the drivin’, the truck won’t always make it up the hill.  Just like any creative types, sometimes we hit a roadblock.

That’s why, even after the end a’ the world, I still haven’t finished bringin’ my dead mama’s favorite memory back to life.

* * *

My mama, Circa Dozen, was one a’ the original genebillies who fought off the National Guard an’ founded Best Virginia.  She was also one a’ the greatest weddin’ wreckers of all time.

I’m proud to say I got to be part a’ some a’ her finest achievements...like, for example, the second weddin’ of her best friend, Mona Fingerling.  Mama really pulled out all the stops that day, as in recreatin’ the plagues that Moses brought down on ancient Egypt in the Bible.

Mona would laugh about it later, but she was screamin’ her lungs out when the frogs an’ locusts jumped all over her while it rained blood from the church rafters.

It had been a lot a’ work for the whole family, but it was worth it.  While everyone else in the church shrieked an’ ran, my brothers an’ I howled with laughter.

Up front, Mama an’ I tossed handfuls a’ glitterin’ pixie dust in the air.  My five brothers scattered around the church did the same. The dust was full a’ designer microbes set to trigger the next plagues.  

Moments later, the mayhem shifted to complete chaos as sores an’ boils broke out on every patch a’ bare skin in the place (except our family’s, because the microbes were programmed not to affect us).

Mona turned around, her face blotched an’ blistered, an’ locked eyes with Mama.  “This is horrible,” she said between sobs.  “You’ve ruined everythin’!”

Mama grinned proudly.  “We’ve ruined everythin’,” she said, wrappin’ an arm around my shoulders an’ huggin’ me against her side.  “Don’t forget my daughter an’ my boys. It was a team effort.”