Summary of Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson E-Book

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• Herausgeber: Ben Business Group LLC
• Kategorie: Bildung
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

A Ccomplete Summary of Hold Me Tight.


How is your relationship? Some great moments, but others very frustrating? Relationships can’t always be fantastic, but if the bad times are beginning to take over, you may want to do something to fix it. But how do you go about it? Drawing on some case studies from the author’s practice using EFT, this book summary shows you that many common issues that couples have can be explained by examining how partners respond to each another emotionally in various situations. By learning to recognize these patterns, couples can change how they react in those critical moments and form stronger, longer-lasting bonds.
The book Hold Me Tight, first published by Dr. Johnson in 2008, offers a revolutionary new way to see and shape love relationships. The stories, new ideas and exercises in the book are based on the new science of love and the wisdom of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), an effective new model developed by Dr. Johnson. Subsequently, Dr. Johnson developed the Hold Me Tight® Program as a workshop for couples to enhance their relationships. By 2018, several variants of the program had also been developed: Hold Me Tight®/Let Me Go for parents and teens, Created For Connection for Christian couples, Healing Hearts Together for partners facing cardiac disease, and Hold Me Tight® Online for couples who wish to experience the benefits of the Hold Me Tight® Program from the comfort of their home and on their own schedule. These programs are now used in many countries throughout the world. For more information, see the links below.
In this summary of Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson, you’ll learn

• Why we often argue about seemingly unimportant matters;
• how to quit playing the poisonous blame game; and
• what it will take to bring your sex life to new heights.

What is Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT)?
The message of EFT is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. EFT focuses on creating and strengthening this emotional bond by identifying and transforming the key moments that foster an adult loving relationship.
• EFT has an astounding 70—75% success rate and results have been shown to last, even in the face of significant stress.
• EFT is recognized by the American Psychological Association as empirically proven.
Hold Me Tight presents a streamlined version of EFT. It walks the reader through seven conversations that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond. Case histories and exercises in each conversation bring the lessons of EFT to life.


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Leseprobe

SUMMARY

Hold me Tight

Book by

Dr. Sue Johnson

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Respective authors own all copyrights not held by the publisher.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #1: Relationship Instability

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #2: Recognizing the Patterns and Healing the Relationship

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #3: How Emotional Vulnerability is the Only Answer

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #4: Why It’s Important to Identify How Things Went Wrong

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #5: Relationship Trauma Must Be Confronted and Healed

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #6: Strong Emotional Bonds are the Core to a Good Sex Life

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #7: Why We Need Emotional Connections

Questions

Answers

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #8: Final summary

Hold Me Tight Summary and Review

Introduction

How is your relationship? Some great moments, but others very frustrating? Relationships can’t always be fantastic, but if the bad times are beginning to take over, you may want to do something to fix it. But how do you go about it? Drawing on some case studies from the author’s practice using EFT, this book summary shows you that many common issues that couples have can be explained by examining how partners respond to each another emotionally in various situations. By learning to recognize these patterns, couples can change how they react in those critical moments and form stronger, longer-lasting bonds.

The book Hold Me Tight, first published by Dr. Johnson in 2008, offers a revolutionary new way to see and shape love relationships. The stories, new ideas and exercises in the book are based on the new science of love and the wisdom of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), an effective new model developed by Dr. Johnson. Subsequently, Dr. Johnson developed the Hold Me Tight® Program as a workshop for couples to enhance their relationships. By 2018, several variants of the program had also been developed: Hold Me Tight®/Let Me Go for parents and teens, Created For Connection for Christian couples, Healing Hearts Together for partners facing cardiac disease, and Hold Me Tight® Online for couples who wish to experience the benefits of the Hold Me Tight® Program from the comfort of their home and on their own schedule. These programs are now used in many countries throughout the world. For more information, see the links below.

In this summary of Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson, you’ll learn

Why we often argue about seemingly unimportant matters;

how to quit playing the poisonous blame game; and

what it will take to bring your sex life to new heights.

What is Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT)?

The message of EFT is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. EFT focuses on creating and strengthening this emotional bond by identifying and transforming the key moments that foster an adult loving relationship.

• EFT has an astounding 70—75% success rate and results have been shown to last, even in the face of significant stress.

• EFT is recognized by the American Psychological Association as empirically proven.

Hold Me Tight presents a streamlined version of EFT. It walks the reader through seven conversations that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond. Case histories and exercises in each conversation bring the lessons of EFT to life.

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #1: Relationship Instability

Have you ever gotten into a pointless argument with your partner, maybe over some stray hairs in the drain or dirty dishes in the sink? It’s rather common to get in disputes over trivial issues like these, but why is that? When a couple senses their relationship is getting rocky, they panic, overreact and end up having countless arguments. It makes sense because your life partner plays such an essential role in emotionally sheltering you from the world. So, when that relationship starts to feel uncertain, it’s rational to be afraid of losing that emotional connection. Furthermore, this isn’t based on irrational fear.

Many people undergo genuine emotional crises following a breakup—exactly what bickering couples dread. That’s why couples fight so frequently over mundane details of housekeeping. They’re already in panic mode regarding the fragility of their relationships and when on edge like that, even the most trivial things can put someone over the top. People deal with this fear in various ways. The problem is that sometimes people’s reactions send them in opposite directions. Imagine one partner feeling disconnected from the other and choosing to hide in their work: staying late at the office could be their way of dealing with the fear of losing their relationship. By physically and emotionally retreating into their work, they’re protecting themselves from complete devastation if their relationship does end up collapsing. Meanwhile, their partner has an adverse reaction. They become clingy and demanding as a way of reassuring themselves that they are loved. This diametric opposition incites a downward spiral as both partners pull away in different directions.

One of the signs that a marriage will stand the test of time is teamwork. When both spouses work together, they shoulder each other’s burdens. Couples who operate as a team find that resolving conflicts doesn’t mean engaging in warfare with the other—it’s about tackling issues side by side. These couples have no time for blame. They don’t lose trust within the confines of their relationship because they act like a team. They have the ability to get over problems. What happens when both spouses work as a team? More time for intimacy!

Making time for sexual contact even after having babies, or after work, also entails teamwork. When either spouse feels like they’re the only one who wants physical intimacy while the other feels complacent about sex, this can damage the relationship.

Intimacy in marriage comes at different levels. It’s not just about sleeping together. A good roll in the hay is an essential factor in marriage but there’s more to it. The most common type is work intimacy. It’s where spouses share common tasks like raising the family together and paying expenses. As a team, you should have equal responsibilities by dividing the tasks between the two of you.

It can also be emotional intimacy where you and your other half share feelings together. When one spouse opens up about his or her dreams, the other supports them in achieving these goals—and vice versa. Anything that concerns either spouse, whether it’s work-related or issues with friends, is also the other half’s concern.

Intimacy in a marriage can also be an aesthetic kind of teamwork where the husband and wife share the same interest towards movies, concerts, and hobbies. Spouses can also work as a team doing recreational activities such as biking or working out.

Remembering that you’re on the same team will keep you both in proper perspective. Teamwork means people make an effort to achieve a common goal. In marriage, you want to feel happy, feel respected, cared for and needed. When you and your partner fully realize you’re on the same team, you will have less time and interest in having battles with one another. In the case of inevitable conflict, you’ll know which ones to take on—and which ones should be ignored. Disputes will then tend to be handled in a healthier manner.

There’s no room for competition in the marriage because you’ll then know that when you compete with each other, nobody wins.

Hold Me Tight Key Idea #2: Recognizing the Patterns and Healing the Relationship

Could you and your partner pass the "sour milk" test? It’s simple: when milk gets spoiled, a happy couple buys new milk, while an unhappy couple will play the blame game. Often when couples argue about trivial household matters, the fight gets out of control as each person tries to place all responsibility on the other side. It’s a natural human inclination to find fault in others. Take Pam and Jim’s therapy session with the author, where Pam told Jim she enjoyed the week they’d recently spent together and that she wanted to be able to support him more because she knew he was stressed about work. Jim sneered and turned his back on her in response.

Naturally, Pam got upset, asked why he’d reacted that way, and then criticized him for being dismissive and acting superior. From that point, the situation only escalated further. Jim accused Pam of never supporting him, just lecturing him and telling him that he wasn’t good enough. He had sneered at her statement because he blamed her for their relationship problems. Just like that, a mere compliment became a back-and-forth blame attack. How can you avoid this type of explosion? By recognizing—perhaps with the help of a therapist—the patterns of how you and your partner blame one another.

When the author pointed out how Pam and Jim’s argument had started, Jim said their interactions regularly occurred that way. Once you can identify these cycles of criticism, you and your partner can begin to work on changing your behavior and improving your relationship. Jim told Pam he didn’t want to continue attacking her. In turn, she said that she wanted to be more supportive. Conclusively, both agreed to stop blaming each other and felt like they had taken the first step toward a healthier, communicative relationship.