CHAPTER 1
After twenty–two years of
nightmare and terror, saved only by a desperate conviction of the
mythical source of certain impressions, I am unwilling to vouch for
the truth of that which I think I found in Western Australia on the
night of 17–18 July 1935. There is reason to hope that my
experience was wholly or partly an hallucination—for which, indeed,
abundant causes existed. And yet, its realism was so hideous that I
sometimes find hope impossible.
If the thing did happen, then man
must be prepared to accept notions of the cosmos, and of his own
place in the seething vortex of time, whose merest mention is
paralyzing. He must, too, be placed on guard against a specific,
lurking peril which, though it will never engulf the whole race,
may impose monstrous and unguessable horrors upon certain
venturesome members of it.
It is for this latter reason that
I urge, with all the force of my being, final abandonment of all
the attempts at unearthing those fragments of unknown, primordial
masonry which my expedition set out to investigate.
Assuming that I was sane and
awake, my experience on that night was such as has befallen no man
before. It was, moreover, a frightful confirmation of all I had
sought to dismiss as myth and dream. Mercifully there is no proof,
for in my fright I lost the awesome object which would—if real and
brought out of that noxious abyss—have formed irrefutable
evidence.
When I came upon the horror I was
alone—and I have up to now told no one about it. I could not stop
the others from digging in its direction, but chance and the
shifting sand have so far saved them from finding it. Now I must
formulate some definite statement— not only for the sake of my own
mental balance, but to warn such others as may read it
seriously.
These pages—much in whose earlier
parts will be familiar to close readers of the general and
scientific press—are written in the cabin of the ship that is
bringing me home. I shall give them to my son, Professor Wingate
Peaslee of Miskatonic University—the only member of my family who
stuck to me after my queer amnesia of long ago, and the man best
informed on the inner facts of my case. Of all living persons, he
is least likely to ridicule what I shall tell of that fateful
night.
I did not enlighten him orally
before sailing, because I think he had better have the revelation
in written form. Reading and re–reading at leisure will leave with
him a more convincing picture than my confused tongue could hope to
convey.
He can do anything that he thinks
best with this account—showing it, with suitable comment, in any
quarters where it will be likely to accomplish good. It is for the
sake of such readers as are unfamiliar with the earlier phases of
my case that I am prefacing the revelation itself with a fairly
ample summary of its background.
My name is Nathaniel Wingate
Peaslee, and those who recall the newspaper tales of a
generation back—or the letters
and articles in psychological journals six or seven years ago—will
know who and what I am. The press was filled with the details of my
strange amnesia in 1908–13, and much was made of the traditions of
horror, madness, and witchcraft which lurked behind the ancient
Massachusetts town then and now forming my place of residence. Yet
I would have it known that there is nothing whatever of the mad or
sinister in my heredity and early life. This is a highly important
fact in view of the shadow which fell so suddenly upon me from
outside sources.
It may be that centuries of dark
brooding had given to crumbling, whisper– haunted Arkham a peculiar
vulnerability as regards such shadows—though even this seems
doubtful in the light of those other cases which I later came to
study. But the chief point is that my own ancestry and background
are altogether normal. What came, came from somewhere else—where I
even now hesitate to assert in plain words.
I am the son of Jonathan and
Hannah (Wingate) Peaslee, both of wholesome old Haverhill stock. I
was born and reared in Haverhill—at the old homestead in Boardman
Street near Golden Hill—and did not go to Arkham till I entered
Miskatonic University as instructor of political economy in
1895.
For thirteen years more my life
ran smoothly and happily. I married Alice Keezar of Haverhill in
1896, and my three children, Robert, Wingate and Hannah were born
in 1898, 1900, and 1903, respectively. In 1898 I became an
associate professor, and in 1902 a full professor. At no time had I
the least interest in either occultism or abnormal
psychology.
It was on Thursday, 14 May 1908,
that the queer amnesia came. The thing was quite sudden, though
later I realized that certain brief, glimmering visions of several,
hours previous—chaotic visions which disturbed me greatly because
they were so unprecedented—must have formed premonitory symptoms.
My head was aching, and I had a singular feeling—altogether new to
me—that some one else was trying to get possession of my
thoughts.
The collapse occurred about 10.20
a.m., while I was conducting a class in Political Economy
VI—history and present tendencies of economics —for juniors and a
few sophomores. I began to see strange shapes before my eyes, and
to feel that I was in a grotesque room other than the
classroom.
My thoughts and speech wandered
from my subject, and the students saw that something was gravely
amiss. Then I slumped down, unconscious, in my chair, in a stupor
from which no one could arouse me. Nor did my rightful faculties
again look out upon the daylight of our normal world for five
years, four months, and thirteen days.
It is, of course, from others
that I have learned what followed. I showed no sign of
consciousness for sixteen and a half hours though removed to my
home at 27 Crane Street, and given the best of medical
attention.
At 3 a.m. May my eyes opened and
began to speak and my family were thoroughly frightened by the
trend of my expression and language. It was clear that I had no
remembrance of my identity and my past, though for some reason
seemed anxious to conceal his lack of knowledge. My eyes glazed
strangely at the persons around me, and the flections of my facial
muscles were altogether unfamiliar.
Even my speech seemed awkward and
foreign. I used my vocal organs clumsily and gropingly, and my
diction had a curiously stilted quality, as if I had laboriously
learned the English language from books. The pronunciation was
barbarously alien, whilst the idiom seemed to include both scraps
of curious archaism and expressions of a wholly incomprehensible
cast.
Of the latter, one in particular
was very potently—even terrifiedly—recalled by the youngest of the
physicians twenty years afterward. For at that late period such a
phrase began to have an actual currency—first in England and then
in the United States—and though of much complexity and indisputable
newness, it reproduced in every least particular the mystifying
words of the strange Arkham patient of 1908.
Physical strength returned at
once, although I required an odd amount of re– education in the use
of my hands, legs, and bodily apparatus in general. Because of this
and other handicaps inherent in the mnemonic lapse, I was for some
time kept under strict medical care.
When I saw that my attempts to
conceal the lapse had failed, I admitted it openly, and became
eager for information of all sorts. Indeed, it seemed to the
doctors that I lost interest in my proper personality as soon as I
found the case of amnesia accepted as a natural thing.
They noticed that my chief
efforts were to master certain points in history, science, art,
language, and folklore—some of them tremendously abstruse, and some
childishly simple
—which remained, very oddly in
many cases, outside my consciousness.
At the same time they noticed
that I had an inexplicable command of many almost unknown sorts of
knowledge—a command which I seemed to wish to hide rather than
display. I would inadvertently refer, with casual assurance, to
specific events in dim ages outside of the range of accepted
history— passing off such references as a jest when I saw the
surprise they created. And I had a way of speaking of the future
which two or three times caused actual fright.
These uncanny flashes soon ceased
to appear, though some observers laid their vanishment more to a
certain furtive caution on my part than to any waning of the
strange knowledge behind them. Indeed, I seemed anomalously avid to
absorb the speech, customs, and perspectives of the age around me;
as if I were a studious traveler from a far, foreign land.
As soon as permitted, I haunted
the college library at all hours; and shortly began to arrange for
those odd travels, and special courses at American and European
Universities, which evoked so much comment during the next few
years.
I did not at any time suffer from
a lack of learned contacts, for my case had a mild celebrity among
the psychologists of the period. I was lectured upon as a typical
example of secondary personality—even though I seemed to puzzle the
lecturers now and then with some bizarre symptoms or some queer
trace of carefully veiled mockery.