We walk life's roads all alone E-Book

Artime Useini

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 73

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

"I had to go through a lot on my own, so today I no longer feel alone, I have myself." Artime Useini describes her journey from little girl to strong, independent woman. Her childhood is characterized by the clash of several cultures: sometimes she lives in her home country of Macedonia, then again in a village in Switzerland because her father works there. Here, the security of the extended Albanian family; there, the demands of her new home country; here, living tradition; there, modern thinking. She is constantly having to adapt. Manipulative influences repeatedly block her independent learning. However, her escape from a marriage that happened more by chance than by choice, as well as the responsibility for her beloved son, make her even stronger.

Leseprobe

Life paths

We don't walk our life paths all alone, life starts with the midwife and with the birth mother, we can NEVER imagine this time, we warm up from the birth mother's story or, as in my case, also from other relatives, like grandmother and aunts, because in my case it was a home birth. So we go through our lives to know each other, to find each other, but no matter where I go, no matter where I travel with my thoughts, I find the logic in my roots. Nevertheless, I have few important fulfilling points with my roots that have great meaning for me in life. Only when you write them down do these points become even more important and therefore stronger, but nowadays everyone lives for themselves and everyone lives against everyone else, in the past it was better you think, but in the past I was still a child, innocent and helpless, I had to go through a lot on my own, so today I no longer feel alone, I have myself. I have been able to see through some of my paths, and some things I don't really know, but then they have no meaning for me, the most important thing is that I have given myself time to think, where am I, where do I come from and where do I want to go? I need these 3 forms for everything in life, because if you haven't found yourself, you can't correct any mistakes, or repeating the same mistakes is no longer interesting at some point, life has to make sense and be a path of development for you. There are people who simply "open their eyes and go through", no matter what happens to their fellow human beings, but they can NEVER be further along than those who have pushed them. They tell us that we have to grow up on our own, but that really isn't possible. You might be alone on a desert island, but not in the country, not in normal life. We are responsible for ourselves and with ourselves for everyone and important in a way.

Roots

Can you know your roots, the Quran says that a person is born innocent and parents have the duty to educate him, to learn. I can't say that I know my roots, I float in minimal memories and don't want to forget the little I have experienced, but it is no longer a life if you don't really know each other among relatives or only know that you are related by sight or hearing. You also notice at family events that it takes time to talk or not at all. My question is, does (family) still exist, do (relatives) still exist? I've always hovered in different worlds, so I simply had to respect my family, but I couldn't accept everything. It takes a lot of time to think about who you are, what you've experienced and what you've become.

I felt oppressed by one reality, and many visions were stolen from me, many dreams were lost, only to be lost in the struggle to do nothing wrong, but everyone has the right to live the way they want, or every child must be able to experience what they think is real. Growing up with two cultures is no big deal if you accept it and deal with it too. I felt a little misunderstood by those around me because I only had a foggy understanding of their reality, it was often difficult to join in because I never felt at home either, I often didn't understand and didn't feel addressed when my parents were angry with me, somehow they never really wanted to see me as I really am.

I was often compared to my older sister, they didn't want to see the differences, even twins have differences. When she left home, I felt like I had a bit of breathing space. Me and my parents took more care of my two brothers, because before she was the main point for everything bad. After the failed apprenticeship and many attempts to find new paths, my father told me to get a job and then I could always look further. So I went to work as a cleaner for 6 months. Then, after 6 months, when I had nothing else, I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad to save money for new ways. As time went on, I also enjoyed the work and so I could share for myself, for the family and also for saving. At the time, I thought that as soon as my younger brother left school and started an apprenticeship, because my older brother was already doing an apprenticeship, I could move out. I wanted to buy an apartment for myself to get to know myself better and also to find out what I really wanted. But like every vision, like every dream, this didn't t come true either.

My quote for this is:

I am surrounded by people who try to prevent ME from being ME. I only say this and even in Albanian: "Lutjuni Allahut nëse nuk shihni rrugëdalje, sepse unë nuk jam rruga juaj." German: "Pray to Allah if you see no way out, because I am not your way out."

Family

It was so nice to be home, but there were also a lot of depressing moments, because you change every year. It took time to get back together, and once you've got on the same page, it's time to leave again.

It's no longer like in the 90s, where people helped each other, now everyone is really just trying to look after their own interests. And the first thing was, of course, cleaning the house. It was my grandmother's house, a house with special conversions, because before there were sheep on the ground floor, like a stable, and there were three bedrooms on the first floor.

When they sold the sheep, they converted it themselves. On the first floor, they turned two rooms into a large living room with accordion wings that could be closed, and another room served as a kitchen (stove, fridge, wood stove). And there was a small cupboard in the grandmother's kitchen, which she used as a cupboard and we used as a kitchen cupboard. It's very sad for me today after the demolition of this house, I would have loved to have kept this kitchen cabinet, but nobody fulfilled my wish.

In this room there was also a "hamam", as we called the shower room where we did the washing up, and my grandmother showered there. Mondays and Thursdays were her shower days. And Thursday was also washing day, back when they still washed by hand.

Later, the washing machine was installed on the second floor in one of the hammams, so that my mother could wash early in the morning so that the sun wouldn't destroy her clothes while they were drying on the balcony.

This room belonged to my older uncle and his wife and it was also called "ODA XHETIT". All 4 of us children slept there, each of us had our own home-made floor mattress, which we called "DÜSCHEK", partly made by my grandmother and partly by my mother. One bedroom was for my parents, which was fully furnished with a bed, wardrobe, bedside tables, vanity table with mirror and a dining table with 4 chairs, which we had in the so-called kitchen. My mother brought all this with her when she married my father, the so-called "qeiz", which the bride has to bring with her, this also varies depending on the arrangement and wealth of the families. The third room on the second floor was used to store clothes and as a guest room, and there was also the hammam where we showered.

We had to boil the water to get hot water, then mix it with cold water until we had the desired temperature. Then we showered with a cup that we called SAF.

We called the lower hallway AJAT and the upper hallway QARDAK. That's also where the freezer was.

My mother had put an old box of washing powder in the upstairs hallway as a waste bin and emptied it every day. There was another one on the first floor in the toilet, and the kitchen waste was emptied outside immediately. No waste was allowed to lie around there. After the meal, the waste separation was still interesting because we gave the animals