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After overcoming various emotional hurdles from their first week of living together, Ayako and Takumi realize they’re finally ready to get physical—but how simple will that really be for a fledgling couple like them, and how will taking this next big step affect their relationship? One of the few people Ayako can consult with is her boss, Yumemi, who’s always all ears when it comes to her love life...but now that Ayako is entering this new stage of her relationship, Yumemi is totally over it
all of a sudden? On top of that, Yumemi seems like she has something to hide... Will Ayako be able to navigate all the twists and turns in her evolving relationships? Or will the unexpected consequences of her actions prove too much to handle?
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Seitenzahl: 186
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
♥
Even now, I could recall that day clearly. It was the day that a new person was born into this world—the day I witnessed the mystical nature of life and realized how precious it was. Though, I wasn’t the one who gave birth...
“Miwako!”
It was fifteen years ago. I was still a student at the time, and after receiving a call about the news, I’d rushed from my school to the maternity ward my sister was in. I flung the door open and saw her lying on the bed in her hospital robe.
“Oh, Ayako.” She tried to sit up, but I quickly stopped her.
“No, it’s fine! Lie down, lie down. You must be tired.”
“Well, if you insist... You got here so quickly.”
“I rushed here as soon as school ended,” I explained.
“You didn’t have to hurry like that.”
“Of course I had to,” I insisted.
She seemed a little exhausted, but my sister was wearing the same gentle smile she always had. I’m glad. Mom told me over the phone that she and her baby were healthy, but actually seeing her is a relief.
Miwako Niozaki was my, Ayako Katsuragi’s, biological sister. She’d gotten married the previous year, and she’d changed her last name from “Katsuragi” to “Niozaki.”
Even though she’d said that she and her husband wanted to enjoy being newlyweds with just the two of them together for a while, she’d conceived a child just a few months into their marriage...which led us to this day. My sister had emerged victorious from the battle that was childbirth.
“Wow...”
Right next to her bed was a bassinet on wheels, and inside the clear, basketlike frame was a baby in a white undergarment. Her face was covered in wrinkles, and her hands were so incredibly tiny. Each time the baby moved her face, her fluffy, feathery hair swayed. The baby’s eyes, blank with amazement, kept darting around the room. She was adorable, and she completely captured my heart.
“S-So cute!” What is this?! She’s adorable! Is it all right for such a cute creature to exist in this world?! “Wow... Every part of her is so tiny... Cute, that’s all I can say. So cute.”
“All right, simmer down,” my sister said with a chuckle.
“Oh, I forgot to ask if she’s a girl.”
“She sure is, just like the ultrasound predicted.”
“A girl, huh? That makes sense—she does have a cute face after all. Oh, don’t her eyes look just like yours?” My excitement hadn’t abated at all.
“They all look the same when they’re newborns.” My sister let out a dry laugh.
“Hey, Miwako... C-Can I hold her?”
“Go ahead. Be careful—she can’t hold her head up yet.”
“I-I know...”
I cautiously reached forward. I had already practiced how to hold a baby. I slowly picked her up, making sure that her head wouldn’t flop back. Fortunately, I was able to hold her without making her cry.
At first, she felt light—ever so small, ever so dainty. I couldn’t believe that one person could weigh so little. But over time, as this child lay in my arms, her weight began to set in. The realization that an entire human existence was nestled against my chest made her feel more and more heavy. This was the life that my sister had nurtured inside her body for the past nine months...
“What’s wrong?” my sister asked.
“I just can’t believe it... She was inside of you until just several hours ago, right?”
“That’s right... I just went through one hell of a time giving birth to her.” The exhaustion on my sister’s face grew more obvious in an instant.
“W-Was it as tough as you thought it would be?”
“I wouldn’t say it was tough... Brutal. The word I’d go with is ‘brutal.’”
“Brutal?!”
“It hurt, and it was painful... Just everything about it was brutal. It was a kind of pain only the people who’ve been through it could understand... The sheer anguish of my contractions continued forever... Not to mention the doctors sliced through me.”
“Th-They sliced you?!”
“It’s called an episiotomy... They sometimes cut open the exit beforehand so the baby can come out more easily. Apparently, it’ll heal faster than if you force it and get a tear. But I didn’t expect them to just start snipping with scissors, and there wasn’t any anesthesia either...”
I let out a gasp of horror, and my sister continued.
“They said I wouldn’t feel any pain, which was true for when they cut me, but... The stitches afterwards hurt... They actually still really hurt...” Miwako looked like she was dying as she spoke.
Just imagining the pain she was feeling made me unconsciously bring my knees together.
“B-But hey, Mr. Niozaki took the day off to be by your side, right? Wasn’t it reassuring to have your husband with you...?”
“I was grateful, but...in actuality, your husband is useless whether he’s there or not. I felt like I was dying, so everything he said made me think, ‘Bet you think this is easy, huh?!’ And when I asked him for a massage, he kept missing the right spot. On top of that, right after I finished giving birth, he pointed a camera at me, even though I wasn’t wearing any makeup and I was a complete mess...”
“Wh-Whoa...” My sister was usually kind and mellow, but she was pretty annoyed. Labor is no joke.
Giving birth wasn’t just a happy experience—it was a deadly struggle where one risked their own life to bring another into the world.
“But, you know...” my sister began again after taking a breath. She peacefully looked toward the baby in my arms. “No matter how painful and torturous it was...when I see her face, I just fall in love with all of it. It’s strange...”
“Miwako...” The blissful smile on her face warmed my heart as well. Labor was a battle that risked one’s life, and it wasn’t entirely a happy experience, but...there was no doubt that it was full of joy. “Oh, right, what about her name? Have you decided on it?”
“It’s written right there,” my sister said, pointing to a table in a corner of the hospital room. On the table was a traditional newborn name board, where parents would handwrite their child’s name in Japanese calligraphy. Miwako and her husband had used a calligraphy pen to write two characters.
“Is this read ‘Miu’...?”
“That’s right. Miu, written as ‘beautiful feathers.’”
“I see, that’s a cute name.” I looked back down at the baby in my arms—at Miu. “So, you’re Miu, huh? Miu. Miu! I’m Auntie Ayako! Hewwo!” Of course, she didn’t respond to me when I called her name. She had the same blank face from before. “Did you come up with the name?”
“Yup. We made a deal that he would pick the name if she were a boy, and I’d pick if she were a girl.”
“Is there any meaning to the name? Like, did you choose it because you wanted her to be a certain kind of child?”
“Technically, yes.”
“What is it? Tell me, tell me!”
“The meaning behind it is...” my sister began with a chuckle. She looked very happy, but at the same time, there was something mischievous about her expression, similar to when a child was planning a prank. She then told me the meaning behind the name she picked for her child.
To be honest...it was a little disappointing. But at the same time, it was the kind of thing my sister would say. For some reason, I felt like someone who could come up with her child’s name in such a way would make a good mother—I was certain she would be able to raise Miu into a wonderful adult.
♥
Ten years had already passed since I—Ayako Katsuragi, a thirty-something-year-old—had taken in my niece after my sister and her husband had passed away in an accident, and I’d begun raising her as my own daughter. On my next birthday, which was next month, I was finally going to become thirty-[REDACTED]. I’d spent my days thinking it would be nice if my daughter married Takkun, the boy next door, but one day, he’d suddenly confessed that he had feelings for me—that is to say, he liked me, and not my daughter.
This news had been earth-shattering and had taken me completely by surprise. Several months had passed since this unexpected development, and after some twists and turns, we’d finally started dating. Then, after several more twists and turns, we were now living together in Tokyo.
It was a temporary arrangement—we would only be living together for three months. I was in Tokyo to work on tasks related to the anime adaptation of a project I was in charge of, and Takkun was here for an internship. We both had objectives and reasons to be here, and we weren’t living together for fun...yet I couldn’t hold back my excitement. We had just started dating—this was the most exciting time for a couple, and we were living together during it. How could I not be happy about it?! Getting to be with your partner all day long, from morning till night, is amazing!
Still, despite how elated I was, it wasn’t like there was nothing but good times. An unexpected character had appeared at Takkun’s internship: Arisa Odaki.
She was a youthful, cute college student, and she’d been a classmate of Takkun’s when they were in high school. Most surprisingly, she and Takkun had pretended to be dating for a period, and she had even asked Takkun out and been rejected by him.
The appearance of a strong romantic rival had made me feel daunted for a moment, but I’d riled myself up and steeled my resolve to fight her. I hadn’t cared if it was going to become a messy love triangle—I’ll never make way, never grovel, and never look back! I won’t let her have Takkun! I’d thought.
I’d convinced myself it was going to be the start of a new chapter, the “Fury of the Fake Ex” arc, but...naturally, Arisa already had a boyfriend. She’d liked Takkun in the past, but she didn’t have any lingering feelings. I’d made a fuss over nothing, and the new chapter never began.
Actually, there had been a different chapter taking shape, however. After confronting Arisa, we’d both reexamined our relationship, and I’d felt that we’d gotten closer.
However, as our hearts and bodies had grown nearer, we’d faced a new problem. I had been averting my eyes from it all this time, but I had to look it right in the eye—I wasn’t a child anymore, and neither was he. We were two adults in a relationship, living under the same roof, which meant we couldn’t keep running from a certain activity.
Now, we had an issue to resolve. It was something children didn’t have to worry about, and teen magazines didn’t have to depict...but as adults, we couldn’t keep avoiding it—we had to take this step forward in our relationship.
Wait, um, explaining it like this could cause a misunderstanding. I don’t mean I felt obligated to do it or that we had a responsibility to do it or anything. I wasn’t driven by feelings of “We need to be X” or “We have to do Y.” Simply by my very own will, I wanted to get even closer to him, unbearably so...
“I’m ready...”
I said it. I’d gone and said it. I said the thing that would bring me past the point of no return. I said it softly and tremblingly, but the bathroom made even the smallest sounds echo, so I heard my own voice once more. My heart was pounding incredibly fast and felt like it would burst at any moment.
“M-Miss Ayako...” Takkun responded in a high-pitched tone, sounding just as nervous.
He was seated...completely naked. Well, of course he’s nude—I barged in on him bathing. He’d quickly placed a towel over his lap, but that was the only thing covering him. I also only had a towel wrapped around me. There were no undergarments beneath that single piece of fabric—I was naked. Takkun and I were both in this cramped, closed room, basically naked...
I fell silent. Uh, what should I do? Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m really nervous. Th-This is okay, right? Takkun isn’t weirded out, is he?! Did I push it too far? Was it too bold of me to barge in on him in the bath? What if he thinks I’m a pervert? What if he thinks, “Women in their thirties really do have a high sex drive”?!
However, if I hadn’t taken such a sudden, bold step, I probably wouldn’t have been able to move forward at all. I needed to press onward like I was putting the pedal to the metal—I had to treat it like a last-ditch effort, otherwise a wimp like me wouldn’t have been able to make it this far...
“I want to wait to do it until you feel you’re ready.”
It’d been our first night living together. I had been nervous about the “first night,” and Takkun had said that to me. I had been grateful for his consideration and kindness—it had really made me feel treasured, and I had been touched by that, but...at the same time, I’d felt a bit impatient and frustrated.
What? I have to tell him when I feel ready? I have to say, “I’m ready”? That sounds so difficult! He’s just on standby? were the thoughts that had run through my head.
That said, I had probably felt that way because I’d been passive...so I decided I wouldn’t sit back anymore. From Takkun’s confession to when we’d started dating, I’d kept being passive and dragging things out, so this time, I wouldn’t keep waiting for him to make a move—I’d take the plunge and take a step forward. Maybe one step wasn’t going to be enough, but still, I mustered up the courage to take action, even if it was just a half step forward...
“I’m going to start washing you...” As various feelings swirled around inside my chest, I reached over Takkun’s shoulder and placed several pumps of the bodywash in front of the mirror into my hand. I lathered the bodywash between my hands, then placed my soapy hands on his back.
Takkun made a sound and flinched slightly. I could feel his body heat on my hands, and my face instantly became hot.
“I didn’t realize you’d be using your hands.”
“Y-Yeah. Did you not want me to?”
“No, it’s fine. If anything... Um, never mind...”
I moved my hands around and washed his back as we spoke intermittently. My hands slipped and slid about as I caressed him with bubbles, and I was becoming very familiar with his body. I could feel all of him—his skin, his muscles, his body heat—directly through the palms of my hands.
“H-How is it...? Am I applying too much pressure or anything?”
“It’s good. I-It, um...feels good.”
“I-It does?”
“Well, um, I’m not sure how to describe it, but...I feel really happy that I get to have my back washed by you like this.”
“Wh-What? Jeez, surely it’s not that great.” It felt like my body was getting hotter. His back was different from mine—it felt more manly. Wow, this is the first time I’ve ever stared at a man’s back like this... “Your back is so wide...”
“Is it?”
“You have broad, sturdy shoulders too. It really feels like a man’s back. Your skin is really taut... Huh? No way. Wh-What’s with your sides?!” I was stunned. When I moved my hands from his back to his sides, I felt an unbelievable sensation. “I-It’s hard! Why are your sides so hard?!”
“What...?”
“No way! You don’t have any love handles...! There’s only skin and muscle here! S-So this is the body of a twenty-year-old who works out...!”
“U-Um, Miss Ayako!”
I tried touching my own sides, and the difference in how they felt made me want to die. U-Ugh, they feel completely different. No way. Why do you have such an ideal stomach, Takkun? Is this the power of youth? The difference between being in your twenties and being in your thirties? Or is this just a simple difference in moderation and exercise?
Ugh, I’m jealous of his abs! Absolutely green with envy!
“S-Stop, Miss Ayako...ha ha! It tickles when you squeeze my sides like that, ha ha ha!”
“Oh... S-Sorry Takkun... I’m just so jealous and resentful of how toned your sides are that I couldn’t help myself.”
“Jealous and resentful...?”
“Yeah. A-Anyways, I’ll quit playing around now.” I reset my mind and resumed washing his back.
The bubbles were starting to disappear, so I added more bodywash as I went. For better or worse, the little incident with his sides relieved some of the tension in the air.
“This kind of brings me back...” Takkun suddenly said.
“Huh? What brings you back?”
“There was a time in the past that you washed my back for me like this. It was ten years ago on a rainy day. I couldn’t get into my house, and you let me take a bath at your place.”
“Oh, that day.” I thought back to the day when I dragged the embarrassed boy, slightly forcefully, into the bath. It was back when I hadn’t been thinking of him as a man at all... “I thought you were still just a child, but you were totally looking at my naked body with a dirty mind, weren’t you?”
“I-I couldn’t help it. You barged in on me,” Takkun quickly argued back, pouting slightly. “I was young, but I was already ten years old, yet you were treating me like a kindergartner washing my body like that...”
“Urgh...” He’s right, I was also at fault... Actually, I was entirely at fault. Taking a bath with the grade school boy who lives next door? On top of that, washing him? Thinking about it now, it feels slightly problematic. If I’d been a man, I probably would’ve been immediately arrested. “I-I mean, unlike now, you were small and dainty back then... You were even really cute down there.”
“Huh?! P-Please don’t call that cute. It might have been small back then, but that was appropriate for my age, and now it’s...”
“Now it’s...?”
“No, um...”
The conversation stopped there. We were both probably thinking about it. I was definitely, totally thinking about it—his nether regions, to be precise, and about how I was trying to start something that would have to involve said nether regions, no matter what.
I gulped. The tension that had dissipated was back, and nervousness filled the air at once.
The room felt hot. The more I thought about what would happen next, my body got hotter and hotter. It was already hot from the humidity in the bathroom, and I was sweating profusely.
I kept my hands moving, washing his back to try to take my mind off of things, but no matter how broad his back was, I couldn’t keep washing it forever. Sure enough, after focusing for a bit, I quickly finished up.
“I-I’m going to rinse you off now...”
I used the shower head to rinse off the suds. No matter how slowly and thoroughly I tried to rinse him off, the white bubbles were gone in an instant.
Wh-What do I do...? Now that his back is done, I have to do the front, right...? But the front would mean I’d totally see... Urgh...
Ugh, jeez, I thought I was prepared for this! No, I can’t hesitate here! Takkun might have his hopes up! I’ll definitely disappoint him if I end things after just washing his back!
“Are you done...?”
“Y-Yes, I’m done.”
“Then, next...” Next! I knew it, he’s expecting something! He’s expecting what comes after the back! He must want me to wash his front side! I was completely flustered, but Takkun’s next words weren’t what I’d expected. “Next, can I wash you?”
♠
“I want to wait to do it until you feel you’re ready.”
That was what I’d said to Miss Ayako on our first night together. I’d thought I was being considerate, but looking back on it now, it’d been nothing more than an expedient stopgap. It’d sounded suave, but all I’d done was throw all the responsibility onto my partner. It’d seemed kind, but in reality, it hadn’t been—I’d just been shirking my duty to communicate. I’d been so afraid she would hate me that I’d stopped us moving forward, when truthfully, I’d wanted her more than anything. I’d wanted so badly for our hearts, our bodies, and everything else to melt into one that I’d used sincerity to mask my true feelings, settling for leaving things safe the way they were. I’d struggled so much to get us to the point of being in a relationship that I’d felt it too precious, too dear, to not place on a pedestal before everything else.
My actions brought us to the present moment, where, as I was pathetically standing still, Miss Ayako was taking a step toward me. I couldn’t imagine how much courage she’d had to muster up to surprise me in the bath wearing only a towel. At first, I’d been so surprised that my mind had gone blank, but as time passed, her bold actions felt endearing to me. Furthermore, I was angry at how cowardly I was.
I’m not going to run anymore. I won’t use sincerity and kindness as a shield to validate my inaction.
All that said, all that introspection might’ve sounded impressive, but resolving the actual problem wasn’t actually so difficult. My beloved girlfriend had made such an intense move on me, and I just needed to let myself lose all sense of reason. That’s all there was to it.
I wanted to touch her. It was undeniable—I wanted to touch my beloved girlfriend so badly I couldn’t stand it.
“A-Are you really going to do it, Takkun...?” Miss Ayako’s reflection asked me.
We’d switched places from our previous positions. She was sitting on a stool in front of me, and she seemed to still be hesitant, as she was still hiding her body with the towel wrapped around her.
“Yes. I’d like to, if it’s all right.”
“Really...?”
“Really. I want to return the favor and wash your back as well.”
“B-But it’s embarrassing...”
“I was pretty embarrassed too.”
“U-Urgh...” Miss Ayako agonized over her embarrassment, but she seemed to have made up her mind. “O-Okay, then... I guess it would be unfair.”
“All right... Please remove your towel.”
“Okay...” She silently nodded before reaching for the towel tied around her chest...and just like that, the white veil covering her body had been lifted.