A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young ManChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5NotesCopyright
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
James Joyce
Chapter 1
Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a
moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming
down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby
tuckoo...His father told him that story: his father looked at him
through a glass: he had a hairy face.He was baby tuckoo. The moocow came down the road where Betty
Byrne lived: she sold lemon platt.O, the wild rose blossomsOn the little green place.He sang that song. That was his song.O, the green wothe botheth.When you wet the bed first it is warm then it gets cold. His
mother put on the oilsheet. That had the queer smell.His mother had a nicer smell than his father. She played on
the piano the sailor's hornpipe for him to dance. He
danced:Tralala lala,Tralala tralaladdy,Tralala lala,Tralala lala.Uncle Charles and Dante clapped. They were older than his
father and mother but uncle Charles was older than
Dante.Dante had two brushes in her press. The brush with the maroon
velvet back was for Michael Davitt and the brush with the green
velvet back was for Parnell. Dante gave him a cachou every time he
brought her a piece of tissue paper.The Vances lived in number seven. They had a different father
and mother. They were Eileen's father and mother. When they were
grown up he was going to marry Eileen. He hid under the table. His
mother said:
—O, Stephen will apologize.Dante said:
—O, if not, the eagles will come and pull out his
eyes.—Pull out his eyes,Apologize,Apologize,Pull out his eyes.Apologize,Pull out his eyes,Pull out his eyes,Apologize.The wide playgrounds were swarming with boys. All were
shouting and the prefects urged them on with strong cries. The
evening air was pale and chilly and after every charge and thud of
the footballers the greasy leather orb flew like a heavy bird
through the grey light. He kept on the fringe of his line, out of
sight of his prefect, out of the reach of the rude feet, feigning
to run now and then. He felt his body small and weak amid the
throng of the players and his eyes were weak and watery. Rody
Kickham was not like that: he would be captain of the third line
all the fellows said.Rody Kickham was a decent fellow but Nasty Roche was a stink.
Rody Kickham had greaves in his number and a hamper in the
refectory. Nasty Roche had big hands. He called the Friday pudding
dog-in-the-blanket. And one day he had asked:
—What is your name?Stephen had answered: Stephen Dedalus.Then Nasty Roche had said:
—What kind of a name is that?And when Stephen had not been able to answer Nasty Roche had
asked:
—What is your father?Stephen had answered:
—A gentleman.Then Nasty Roche had asked:
—Is he a magistrate?He crept about from point to point on the fringe of his line,
making little runs now and then. But his hands were bluish with
cold. He kept his hands in the side pockets of his belted grey
suit. That was a belt round his pocket. And belt was also to give a
fellow a belt. One day a fellow said to Cantwell:
—I'd give you such a belt in a second.Cantwell had answered:
—Go and fight your match. Give Cecil Thunder a belt. I'd like
to see you. He'd give you a toe in the rump for
yourself.That was not a nice expression. His mother had told him not
to speak with the rough boys in the college. Nice mother! The first
day in the hall of the castle when she had said goodbye she had put
up her veil double to her nose to kiss him: and her nose and eyes
were red. But he had pretended not to see that she was going to
cry. She was a nice mother but she was not so nice when she cried.
And his father had given him two five-shilling pieces for pocket
money. And his father had told him if he wanted anything to write
home to him and, whatever he did, never to peach on a fellow. Then
at the door of the castle the rector had shaken hands with his
father and mother, his soutane fluttering in the breeze, and the
car had driven off with his father and mother on it. They had cried
to him from the car, waving their hands:
—Goodbye, Stephen, goodbye!
—Goodbye, Stephen, goodbye!He was caught in the whirl of a scrimmage and, fearful of the
flashing eyes and muddy boots, bent down to look through the legs.
The fellows were struggling and groaning and their legs were
rubbing and kicking and stamping. Then Jack Lawton's yellow boots
dodged out the ball and all the other boots and legs ran after. He
ran after them a little way and then stopped. It was useless to run
on. Soon they would be going home for the holidays. After supper in
the study hall he would change the number pasted up inside his desk
from seventy-seven to seventy-six.It would be better to be in the study hall than out there in
the cold. The sky was pale and cold but there were lights in the
castle. He wondered from which window Hamilton Rowan had thrown his
hat on the ha-ha and had there been flowerbeds at that time under
the windows. One day when he had been called to the castle the
butler had shown him the marks of the soldiers' slugs in the wood
of the door and had given him a piece of shortbread that the
community ate. It was nice and warm to see the lights in the
castle. It was like something in a book. Perhaps Leicester Abbey
was like that. And there were nice sentences in Doctor Cornwell's
Spelling Book. They were like poetry but they were only sentences
to learn the spelling from.Wolsey died in Leicester AbbeyWhere the abbots buried him.Canker is a disease of plants,Cancer one of animals.It would be nice to lie on the hearthrug before the fire,
leaning his head upon his hands, and think on those sentences. He
shivered as if he had cold slimy water next his skin. That was mean
of Wells to shoulder him into the square ditch because he would not
swop his little snuff box for Wells's seasoned hacking chestnut,
the conqueror of forty. How cold and slimy the water had been! A
fellow had once seen a big rat jump into the scum. Mother was
sitting at the fire with Dante waiting for Brigid to bring in the
tea. She had her feet on the fender and her jewelly slippers were
so hot and they had such a lovely warm smell! Dante knew a lot of
things. She had taught him where the Mozambique Channel was and
what was the longest river in America and what was the name of the
highest mountain in the moon. Father Arnall knew more than Dante
because he was a priest but both his father and uncle Charles said
that Dante was a clever woman and a well-read woman. And when Dante
made that noise after dinner and then put up her hand to her mouth:
that was heartburn.A voice cried far out on the playground:
—All in!Then other voices cried from the lower and third
lines:
—All in! All in!The players closed around, flushed and muddy, and he went
among them, glad to go in. Rody Kickham held the ball by its greasy
lace. A fellow asked him to give it one last: but he walked on
without even answering the fellow. Simon Moonan told him not to
because the prefect was looking. The fellow turned to Simon Moonan
and said:
—We all know why you speak. You are McGlade's
suck.Suck was a queer word. The fellow called Simon Moonan that
name because Simon Moonan used to tie the prefect's false sleeves
behind his back and the prefect used to let on to be angry. But the
sound was ugly. Once he had washed his hands in the lavatory of the
Wicklow Hotel and his father pulled the stopper up by the chain
after and the dirty water went down through the hole in the basin.
And when it had all gone down slowly the hole in the basin had made
a sound like that: suck. Only louder.To remember that and the white look of the lavatory made him
feel cold and then hot. There were two cocks that you turned and
water came out: cold and hot. He felt cold and then a little hot:
and he could see the names printed on the cocks. That was a very
queer thing.And the air in the corridor chilled him too. It was queer and
wettish. But soon the gas would be lit and in burning it made a
light noise like a little song. Always the same: and when the
fellows stopped talking in the playroom you could hear
it.It was the hour for sums. Father Arnall wrote a hard sum on
the board and then said:
—Now then, who will win? Go ahead, York! Go ahead,
Lancaster!Stephen tried his best, but the sum was too hard and he felt
confused. The little silk badge with the white rose on it that was
pinned on the breast of his jacket began to flutter. He was no good
at sums, but he tried his best so that York might not lose. Father
Arnall's face looked very black, but he was not in a wax: he was
laughing. Then Jack Lawton cracked his fingers and Father Arnall
looked at his copybook and said:
—Right. Bravo Lancaster! The red rose wins. Come on now,
York! Forge ahead!Jack Lawton looked over from his side. The little silk badge
with the red rose on it looked very rich because he had a blue
sailor top on. Stephen felt his own face red too, thinking of all
the bets about who would get first place in elements, Jack Lawton
or he. Some weeks Jack Lawton got the card for first and some weeks
he got the card for first. His white silk badge fluttered and
fluttered as he worked at the next sum and heard Father Arnall's
voice. Then all his eagerness passed away and he felt his face
quite cool. He thought his face must be white because it felt so
cool. He could not get out the answer for the sum but it did not
matter. White roses and red roses: those were beautiful colours to
think of. And the cards for first place and second place and third
place were beautiful colours too: pink and cream and lavender.
Lavender and cream and pink roses were beautiful to think of.
Perhaps a wild rose might be like those colours and he remembered
the song about the wild rose blossoms on the little green place.
But you could not have a green rose. But perhaps somewhere in the
world you could.The bell rang and then the classes began to file out of the
rooms and along the corridors towards the refectory. He sat looking
at the two prints of butter on his plate but could not eat the damp
bread. The tablecloth was damp and limp. But he drank off the hot
weak tea which the clumsy scullion, girt with a white apron, poured
into his cup. He wondered whether the scullion's apron was damp too
or whether all white things were cold and damp. Nasty Roche and
Saurin drank cocoa that their people sent them in tins. They said
they could not drink the tea; that it was hogwash. Their fathers
were magistrates, the fellows said.All the boys seemed to him very strange. They had all fathers
and mothers and different clothes and voices. He longed to be at
home and lay his head on his mother's lap. But he could not: and so
he longed for the play and study and prayers to be over and to be
in bed.He drank another cup of hot tea and Fleming
said:
—What's up? Have you a pain or what's up with
you?
—I don't know, Stephen said.
—Sick in your breadbasket, Fleming said, because your face
looks white. It will go away.
—O yes, Stephen said.But he was not sick there. He thought that he was sick in his
heart if you could be sick in that place. Fleming was very decent
to ask him. He wanted to cry. He leaned his elbows on the table and
shut and opened the flaps of his ears. Then he heard the noise of
the refectory every time he opened the flaps of his ears. It made a
roar like a train at night. And when he closed the flaps the roar
was shut off like a train going into a tunnel. That night at Dalkey
the train had roared like that and then, when it went into the
tunnel, the roar stopped. He closed his eyes and the train went on,
roaring and then stopping; roaring again, stopping. It was nice to
hear it roar and stop and then roar out of the tunnel again and
then stop.Then the higher line fellows began to come down along the
matting in the middle of the refectory, Paddy Rath and Jimmy Magee
and the Spaniard who was allowed to smoke cigars and the little
Portuguese who wore the woolly cap. And then the lower line tables
and the tables of the third line. And every single fellow had a
different way of walking.He sat in a corner of the playroom pretending to watch a game
of dominoes and once or twice he was able to hear for an instant
the little song of the gas. The prefect was at the door with some
boys and Simon Moonan was knotting his false sleeves. He was
telling them something about Tullabeg.Then he went away from the door and Wells came over to
Stephen and said:
—Tell us, Dedalus, do you kiss your mother before you go to
bed?Stephen answered:
—I do.Wells turned to the other fellows and said:
—O, I say, here's a fellow says he kisses his mother every
night before he goes to bed.The other fellows stopped their game and turned round,
laughing. Stephen blushed under their eyes and said:
—I do not.Wells said:
—O, I say, here's a fellow says he doesn't kiss his mother
before he goes to bed.They all laughed again. Stephen tried to laugh with them. He
felt his whole body hot and confused in a moment. What was the
right answer to the question? He had given two and still Wells
laughed. But Wells must know the right answer for he was in third
of grammar. He tried to think of Wells's mother but he did not dare
to raise his eyes to Wells's face. He did not like Wells's face. It
was Wells who had shouldered him into the square ditch the day
before because he would not swop his little snuff box for Wells's
seasoned hacking chestnut, the conqueror of forty. It was a mean
thing to do; all the fellows said it was. And how cold and slimy
the water had been! And a fellow had once seen a big rat jump plop
into the scum.The cold slime of the ditch covered his whole body; and, when
the bell rang for study and the lines filed out of the playrooms,
he felt the cold air of the corridor and staircase inside his
clothes. He still tried to think what was the right answer. Was it
right to kiss his mother or wrong to kiss his mother? What did that
mean, to kiss? You put your face up like that to say good night and
then his mother put her face down. That was to kiss. His mother put
her lips on his cheek; her lips were soft and they wetted his
cheek; and they made a tiny little noise: kiss. Why did people do
that with their two faces?Sitting in the study hall he opened the lid of his desk and
changed the number pasted up inside from seventy-seven to
seventy-six. But the Christmas vacation was very far away: but one
time it would come because the earth moved round
always.There was a picture of the earth on the first page of his
geography: a big ball in the middle of clouds. Fleming had a box of
crayons and one night during free study he had coloured the earth
green and the clouds maroon. That was like the two brushes in
Dante's press, the brush with the green velvet back for Parnell and
the brush with the maroon velvet back for Michael Davitt. But he
had not told Fleming to colour them those colours. Fleming had done
it himself.He opened the geography to study the lesson; but he could not
learn the names of places in America. Still they were all different
places that had different names. They were all in different
countries and the countries were in continents and the continents
were in the world and the world was in the universe.He turned to the flyleaf of the geography and read what he
had written there: himself, his name and where he was.Stephen DedalusClass of ElementsClongowes Wood CollegeSallinsCounty KildareIrelandEuropeThe WorldThe UniverseThat was in his writing: and Fleming one night for a cod had
written on the opposite page:Stephen Dedalus is my name,Ireland is my nation.Clongowes is my dwellingplaceAnd heaven my expectation.He read the verses backwards but then they were not poetry.
Then he read the flyleaf from the bottom to the top till he came to
his own name. That was he: and he read down the page again. What
was after the universe?Nothing. But was there anything round the universe to show
where it stopped before the nothing place began?It could not be a wall; but there could be a thin thin line
there all round everything. It was very big to think about
everything and everywhere. Only God could do that. He tried to
think what a big thought that must be; but he could only think of
God. God was God's name just as his name was Stephen. DIEU was the
French for God and that was God's name too; and when anyone prayed
to God and said DIEU then God knew at once that it was a French
person that was praying. But, though there were different names for
God in all the different languages in the world and God understood
what all the people who prayed said in their different languages,
still God remained always the same God and God's real name was
God.It made him very tired to think that way. It made him feel
his head very big. He turned over the flyleaf and looked wearily at
the green round earth in the middle of the maroon clouds. He
wondered which was right, to be for the green or for the maroon,
because Dante had ripped the green velvet back off the brush that
was for Parnell one day with her scissors and had told him that
Parnell was a bad man. He wondered if they were arguing at home
about that. That was called politics. There were two sides in it:
Dante was on one side and his father and Mr Casey were on the other
side but his mother and uncle Charles were on no side. Every day
there was something in the paper about it.It pained him that he did not know well what politics meant
and that he did not know where the universe ended. He felt small
and weak. When would he be like the fellows in poetry and rhetoric?
They had big voices and big boots and they studied trigonometry.
That was very far away. First came the vacation and then the next
term and then vacation again and then again another term and then
again the vacation. It was like a train going in and out of tunnels
and that was like the noise of the boys eating in the refectory
when you opened and closed the flaps of the ears. Term, vacation;
tunnel, out; noise, stop. How far away it was! It was better to go
to bed to sleep. Only prayers in the chapel and then bed. He
shivered and yawned. It would be lovely in bed after the sheets got
a bit hot. First they were so cold to get into. He shivered to
think how cold they were first. But then they got hot and then he
could sleep. It was lovely to be tired. He yawned again. Night
prayers and then bed: he shivered and wanted to yawn. It would be
lovely in a few minutes. He felt a warm glow creeping up from the
cold shivering sheets, warmer and warmer till he felt warm all
over, ever so warm and yet he shivered a little and still wanted to
yawn.The bell rang for night prayers and he filed out of the study
hall after the others and down the staircase and along the
corridors to the chapel. The corridors were darkly lit and the
chapel was darkly lit. Soon all would be dark and sleeping. There
was cold night air in the chapel and the marbles were the colour
the sea was at night. The sea was cold day and night: but it was
colder at night. It was cold and dark under the seawall beside his
father's house. But the kettle would be on the hob to make
punch.The prefect of the chapel prayed above his head and his
memory knew the responses:O Lord open our lipsAnd our mouths shall announce Thy praise.Incline unto our aid, O God!O Lord make haste to help us!There was a cold night smell in the chapel. But it was a holy
smell. It was not like the smell of the old peasants who knelt at
the back of the chapel at Sunday mass. That was a smell of air and
rain and turf and corduroy. But they were very holy peasants. They
breathed behind him on his neck and sighed as they prayed. They
lived in Clane, a fellow said: there were little cottages there and
he had seen a woman standing at the half-door of a cottage with a
child in her arms as the cars had come past from Sallins. It would
be lovely to sleep for one night in that cottage before the fire of
smoking turf, in the dark lit by the fire, in the warm dark,
breathing the smell of the peasants, air and rain and turf and
corduroy. But O, the road there between the trees was dark! You
would be lost in the dark. It made him afraid to think of how it
was.He heard the voice of the prefect of the chapel saying the
last prayers. He prayed it too against the dark outside under the
trees.VISIT, WE BESEECH THEE, O LORD, THIS HABITATION AND
DRIVEAWAY FROM IT ALL THE SNARES OF THE ENEMY. MAY THY
HOLYANGELS DWELL HEREIN TO PRESERVE US IN PEACE AND MAY
THYBLESSINGS BE ALWAYS UPON US THROUGH CHRIST OUR
LORD.AMEN.His fingers trembled as he undressed himself in the
dormitory. He told his fingers to hurry up. He had to undress and
then kneel and say his own prayers and be in bed before the gas was
lowered so that he might not go to hell when he died. He rolled his
stockings off and put on his nightshirt quickly and knelt trembling
at his bedside and repeated his prayers quickly, fearing that the
gas would go down. He felt his shoulders shaking as he
murmured:God bless my father and my mother and spare them to
me!God bless my little brothers and sisters and spare them to
me!God bless Dante and Uncle Charles and spare them to
me!He blessed himself and climbed quickly into bed and, tucking
the end of the nightshirt under his feet, curled himself together
under the cold white sheets, shaking and trembling. But he would
not go to hell when he died; and the shaking would stop. A voice
bade the boys in the dormitory good night. He peered out for an
instant over the coverlet and saw the yellow curtains round and
before his bed that shut him off on all sides. The light was
lowered quietly.The prefect's shoes went away. Where? Down the staircase and
along the corridors or to his room at the end? He saw the dark. Was
it true about the black dog that walked there at night with eyes as
big as carriage-lamps? They said it was the ghost of a murderer. A
long shiver of fear flowed over his body. He saw the dark entrance
hall of the castle. Old servants in old dress were in the
ironing-room above the staircase. It was long ago. The old servants
were quiet. There was a fire there, but the hall was still dark. A
figure came up the staircase from the hall. He wore the white cloak
of a marshal; his face was pale and strange; he held his hand
pressed to his side. He looked out of strange eyes at the old
servants. They looked at him and saw their master's face and cloak
and knew that he had received his death-wound. But only the dark
was where they looked: only dark silent air. Their master had
received his death-wound on the battlefield of Prague far away over
the sea. He was standing on the field; his hand was pressed to his
side; his face was pale and strange and he wore the white cloak of
a marshal.O how cold and strange it was to think of that! All the dark
was cold and strange. There were pale strange faces there, great
eyes like carriage-lamps. They were the ghosts of murderers, the
figures of marshals who had received their death-wound on
battlefields far away over the sea. What did they wish to say that
their faces were so strange?VISIT, WE BESEECH THEE, O LORD, THIS HABITATION AND DRIVE
AWAY FROM IT ALL...Going home for the holidays! That would be lovely: the
fellows had told him. Getting up on the cars in the early wintry
morning outside the door of the castle. The cars were rolling on
the gravel. Cheers for the rector!Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!The cars drove past the chapel and all caps were raised. They
drove merrily along the country roads. The drivers pointed with
their whips to Bodenstown. The fellows cheered. They passed the
farmhouse of the Jolly Farmer. Cheer after cheer after cheer.
Through Clane they drove, cheering and cheered. The peasant women
stood at the half-doors, the men stood here and there. The lovely
smell there was in the wintry air: the smell of Clane: rain and
wintry air and turf smouldering and corduroy.The train was full of fellows: a long long chocolate train
with cream facings. The guards went to and fro opening, closing,
locking, unlocking the doors. They were men in dark blue and
silver; they had silvery whistles and their keys made a quick
music: click, click: click, click.And the train raced on over the flat lands and past the Hill
of Allen. The telegraph poles were passing, passing. The train went
on and on. It knew. There were lanterns in the hall of his father's
house and ropes of green branches. There were holly and ivy round
the pierglass and holly and ivy, green and red, twined round the
chandeliers. There were red holly and green ivy round the old
portraits on the walls. Holly and ivy for him and for
Christmas.Lovely...All the people. Welcome home, Stephen! Noises of welcome. His
mother kissed him. Was that right? His father was a marshal now:
higher than a magistrate. Welcome home, Stephen!Noises...There was a noise of curtain-rings running back along the
rods, of water being splashed in the basins. There was a noise of
rising and dressing and washing in the dormitory: a noise of
clapping of hands as the prefect went up and down telling the
fellows to look sharp. A pale sunlight showed the yellow curtains
drawn back, the tossed beds. His bed was very hot and his face and
body were very hot.He got up and sat on the side of his bed. He was weak. He
tried to pull on his stocking. It had a horrid rough feel. The
sunlight was queer and cold.Fleming said:
—Are you not well?He did not know; and Fleming said:
—Get back into bed. I'll tell McGlade you're not
well.
—He's sick.
—Who is?
—Tell McGlade.
—Get back into bed.
—Is he sick?A fellow held his arms while he loosened the stocking
clinging to his foot and climbed back into the hot
bed.He crouched down between the sheets, glad of their tepid
glow. He heard the fellows talk among themselves about him as they
dressed for mass. It was a mean thing to do, to shoulder him into
the square ditch, they were saying.Then their voices ceased; they had gone. A voice at his bed
said:
—Dedalus, don't spy on us, sure you won't?Wells's face was there. He looked at it and saw that Wells
was afraid.
—I didn't mean to. Sure you won't?His father had told him, whatever he did, never to peach on a
fellow. He shook his head and answered no and felt
glad.Wells said:
—I didn't mean to, honour bright. It was only for cod. I'm
sorry.The face and the voice went away. Sorry because he was
afraid. Afraid that it was some disease. Canker was a disease of
plants and cancer one of animals: or another different. That was a
long time ago then out on the playgrounds in the evening light,
creeping from point to point on the fringe of his line, a heavy
bird flying low through the grey light. Leicester Abbey lit up.
Wolsey died there. The abbots buried him themselves.It was not Wells's face, it was the prefect's. He was not
foxing. No, no: he was sick really. He was not foxing. And he felt
the prefect's hand on his forehead; and he felt his forehead warm
and damp against the prefect's cold damp hand. That was the way a
rat felt, slimy and damp and cold. Every rat had two eyes to look
out of. Sleek slimy coats, little little feet tucked up to jump,
black slimy eyes to look out of. They could understand how to jump.
But the minds of rats could not understand trigonometry. When they
were dead they lay on their sides. Their coats dried then. They
were only dead things.The prefect was there again and it was his voice that was
saying that he was to get up, that Father Minister had said he was
to get up and dress and go to the infirmary. And while he was
dressing himself as quickly as he could the prefect
said:
—We must pack off to Brother Michael because we have the
collywobbles!He was very decent to say that. That was all to make him
laugh. But he could not laugh because his cheeks and lips were all
shivery: and then the prefect had to laugh by himself.The prefect cried:
—Quick march! Hayfoot! Strawfoot!They went together down the staircase and along the corridor
and past the bath. As he passed the door he remembered with a vague
fear the warm turf-coloured bogwater, the warm moist air, the noise
of plunges, the smell of the towels, like medicine.Brother Michael was standing at the door of the infirmary and
from the door of the dark cabinet on his right came a smell like
medicine. That came from the bottles on the shelves. The prefect
spoke to Brother Michael and Brother Michael answered and called
the prefect sir. He had reddish hair mixed with grey and a queer
look. It was queer that he would always be a brother. It was queer
too that you could not call him sir because he was a brother and
had a different kind of look. Was he not holy enough or why could
he not catch up on the others?There were two beds in the room and in one bed there was a
fellow: and when they went in he called out:
—Hello! It's young Dedalus! What's up?
—The sky is up, Brother Michael said.He was a fellow out of the third of grammar and, while
Stephen was undressing, he asked Brother Michael to bring him a
round of buttered toast.
—Ah, do! he said.
—Butter you up! said Brother Michael. You'll get your walking
papers in the morning when the doctor comes.
—Will I? the fellow said. I'm not well yet.Brother Michael repeated:
—You'll get your walking papers. I tell you.He bent down to rake the fire. He had a long back like the
long back of a tramhorse. He shook the poker gravely and nodded his
head at the fellow out of third of grammar.Then Brother Michael went away and after a while the fellow
out of third of grammar turned in towards the wall and fell
asleep.That was the infirmary. He was sick then. Had they written
home to tell his mother and father? But it would be quicker for one
of the priests to go himself to tell them. Or he would write a
letter for the priest to bring.Dear Mother,I am sick. I want to go home. Please come and take me
home.I am in the infirmary.Your fond son,StephenHow far away they were! There was cold sunlight outside the
window. He wondered if he would die. You could die just the same on
a sunny day. He might die before his mother came. Then he would
have a dead mass in the chapel like the way the fellows had told
him it was when Little had died. All the fellows would be at the
mass, dressed in black, all with sad faces. Wells too would be
there but no fellow would look at him. The rector would be there in
a cope of black and gold and there would be tall yellow candles on
the altar and round the catafalque. And they would carry the coffin
out of the chapel slowly and he would be buried in the little
graveyard of the community off the main avenue of limes. And Wells
would be sorry then for what he had done. And the bell would toll
slowly.He could hear the tolling. He said over to himself the song
that Brigid had taught him.Dingdong! The castle bell!Farewell, my mother!Bury me in the old churchyardBeside my eldest brother.My coffin shall be black,Six angels at my back,Two to sing and two to prayAnd two to carry my soul away.How beautiful and sad that was! How beautiful the words were
where they said BURY ME IN THE OLD CHURCHYARD! A tremor passed over
his body. How sad and how beautiful! He wanted to cry quietly but
not for himself: for the words, so beautiful and sad, like music.
The bell! The bell! Farewell! O farewell!The cold sunlight was weaker and Brother Michael was standing
at his bedside with a bowl of beef-tea. He was glad for his mouth
was hot and dry. He could hear them playing in the playgrounds. And
the day was going on in the college just as if he were
there.Then Brother Michael was going away and the fellow out of the
third of grammar told him to be sure and come back and tell him all
the news in the paper. He told Stephen that his name was Athy and
that his father kept a lot of racehorses that were spiffing jumpers
and that his father would give a good tip to Brother Michael any
time he wanted it because Brother Michael was very decent and
always told him the news out of the paper they got every day up in
the castle. There was every kind of news in the paper: accidents,
shipwrecks, sports, and politics.
—Now it is all about politics in the papers, he said. Do your
people talk about that too?
—Yes, Stephen said.
—Mine too, he said.Then he thought for a moment and said:
—You have a queer name, Dedalus, and I have a queer name too,
Athy. My name is the name of a town. Your name is like
Latin.Then he asked:
—Are you good at riddles?Stephen answered:
—Not very good.Then he said:
—Can you answer me this one? Why is the county of Kildare
like the leg of a fellow's breeches?Stephen thought what could be the answer and then
said:
—I give it up.
—Because there is a thigh in it, he said. Do you see the
joke? Athy is the town in the county Kildare and a thigh is the
other thigh.
—Oh, I see, Stephen said.
—That's an old riddle, he said.After a moment he said:
—I say!
—What? asked Stephen.
—You know, he said, you can ask that riddle another
way.
—Can you? said Stephen.
—The same riddle, he said. Do you know the other way to ask
it?
—No, said Stephen.
—Can you not think of the other way? he said.He looked at Stephen over the bedclothes as he spoke. Then he
lay back on the pillow and said:
—There is another way but I won't tell you what it
is.Why did he not tell it? His father, who kept the racehorses,
must be a magistrate too like Saurin's father and Nasty Roche's
father. He thought of his own father, of how he sang songs while
his mother played and of how he always gave him a shilling when he
asked for sixpence and he felt sorry for him that he was not a
magistrate like the other boys' fathers. Then why was he sent to
that place with them? But his father had told him that he would be
no stranger there because his granduncle had presented an address
to the liberator there fifty years before. You could know the
people of that time by their old dress. It seemed to him a solemn
time: and he wondered if that was the time when the fellows in
Clongowes wore blue coats with brass buttons and yellow waistcoats
and caps of rabbitskin and drank beer like grown-up people and kept
greyhounds of their own to course the hares with.He looked at the window and saw that the daylight had grown
weaker. There would be cloudy grey light over the playgrounds.
There was no noise on the playgrounds. The class must be doing the
themes or perhaps Father Arnall was reading out of the
book.It was queer that they had not given him any medicine.
Perhaps Brother Michael would bring it back when he came. They said
you got stinking stuff to drink when you were in the infirmary. But
he felt better now than before. It would be nice getting better
slowly. You could get a book then. There was a book in the library
about Holland. There were lovely foreign names in it and pictures
of strange looking cities and ships. It made you feel so
happy.How pale the light was at the window! But that was nice. The
fire rose and fell on the wall. It was like waves. Someone had put
coal on and he heard voices. They were talking. It was the noise of
the waves. Or the waves were talking among themselves as they rose
and fell.He saw the sea of waves, long dark waves rising and falling,
dark under the moonless night. A tiny light twinkled at the
pierhead where the ship was entering: and he saw a multitude of
people gathered by the waters' edge to see the ship that was
entering their harbour. A tall man stood on the deck, looking out
towards the flat dark land: and by the light at the pierhead he saw
his face, the sorrowful face of Brother Michael.He saw him lift his hand towards the people and heard him say
in a loud voice of sorrow over the waters:
—He is dead. We saw him lying upon the catafalque. A wail of
sorrow went up from the people.
—Parnell! Parnell! He is dead!They fell upon their knees, moaning in sorrow.And he saw Dante in a maroon velvet dress and with a green
velvet mantle hanging from her shoulders walking proudly and
silently past the people who knelt by the water's
edge.A great fire, banked high and red, flamed in the grate and
under the ivy-twined branches of the chandelier the Christmas table
was spread. They had come home a little late and still dinner was
not ready: but it would be ready in a jiffy his mother had said.
They were waiting for the door to open and for the servants to come
in, holding the big dishes covered with their heavy metal
covers.All were waiting: uncle Charles, who sat far away in the
shadow of the window, Dante and Mr Casey, who sat in the
easy-chairs at either side of the hearth, Stephen, seated on a
chair between them, his feet resting on the toasted boss. Mr
Dedalus looked at himself in the pierglass above the mantelpiece,
waxed out his moustache ends and then, parting his coat-tails,
stood with his back to the glowing fire: and still from time to
time he withdrew a hand from his coat-tail to wax out one of his
moustache ends. Mr Casey leaned his head to one side and, smiling,
tapped the gland of his neck with his fingers. And Stephen smiled
too for he knew now that it was not true that Mr Casey had a purse
of silver in his throat. He smiled to think how the silvery noise
which Mr Casey used to make had deceived him. And when he had tried
to open Mr Casey's hand to see if the purse of silver was hidden
there he had seen that the fingers could not be straightened out:
and Mr Casey had told him that he had got those three cramped
fingers making a birthday present for Queen Victoria. Mr Casey
tapped the gland of his neck and smiled at Stephen with sleepy
eyes: and Mr Dedalus said to him:
—Yes. Well now, that's all right. O, we had a good walk,
hadn't we, John? Yes... I wonder if there's any likelihood of
dinner this evening. Yes... O, well now, we got a good breath of
ozone round the Head today. Ay, bedad.He turned to Dante and said:
—You didn't stir out at all, Mrs Riordan?Dante frowned and said shortly:
—No.Mr Dedalus dropped his coat-tails and went over to the
sideboard. He brought forth a great stone jar of whisky from the
locker and filled the decanter slowly, bending now and then to see
how much he had poured in. Then replacing the jar in the locker he
poured a little of the whisky into two glasses, added a little
water and came back with them to the fireplace.
—A thimbleful, John, he said, just to whet your
appetite.Mr Casey took the glass, drank, and placed it near him on the
mantelpiece. Then he said:
—Well, I can't help thinking of our friend Christopher
manufacturing...He broke into a fit of laughter and coughing and
added:
—...manufacturing that champagne for those
fellows.Mr Dedalus laughed loudly.
—Is it Christy? he said. There's more cunning in one of those
warts on his bald head than in a pack of jack foxes.He inclined his head, closed his eyes, and, licking his lips
profusely, began to speak with the voice of the hotel
keeper.
—And he has such a soft mouth when he's speaking to you,
don't you know. He's very moist and watery about the dewlaps, God
bless him.Mr Casey was still struggling through his fit of coughing and
laughter. Stephen, seeing and hearing the hotel keeper through his
father's face and voice, laughed.Mr Dedalus put up his eyeglass and, staring down at him, said
quietly and kindly:
—What are you laughing at, you little puppy,
you?The servants entered and placed the dishes on the table. Mrs
Dedalus followed and the places were arranged.
—Sit over, she said.Mr Dedalus went to the end of the table and
said:
—Now, Mrs Riordan, sit over. John, sit you down, my
hearty.He looked round to where uncle Charles sat and
said:
—Now then, sir, there's a bird here waiting for
you.When all had taken their seats he laid his hand on the cover
and then said quickly, withdrawing it:
—Now, Stephen.Stephen stood up in his place to say the grace before
meals:Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts which through Thy
bounty we are about to receive through Christ our Lord.
Amen.All blessed themselves and Mr Dedalus with a sigh of pleasure
lifted from the dish the heavy cover pearled around the edge with
glistening drops.Stephen looked at the plump turkey which had lain, trussed
and skewered, on the kitchen table. He knew that his father had
paid a guinea for it in Dunn's of D'Olier Street and that the man
had prodded it often at the breastbone to show how good it was: and
he remembered the man's voice when he had said:
—Take that one, sir. That's the real Ally Daly.Why did Mr Barrett in Clongowes call his pandybat a turkey?
But Clongowes was far away: and the warm heavy smell of turkey and
ham and celery rose from the plates and dishes and the great fire
was banked high and red in the grate and the green ivy and red
holly made you feel so happy and when dinner was ended the big plum
pudding would be carried in, studded with peeled almonds and sprigs
of holly, with bluish fire running around it and a little green
flag flying from the top.It was his first Christmas dinner and he thought of his
little brothers and sisters who were waiting in the nursery, as he
had often waited, till the pudding came. The deep low collar and
the Eton jacket made him feel queer and oldish: and that morning
when his mother had brought him down to the parlour, dressed for
mass, his father had cried. That was because he was thinking of his
own father. And uncle Charles had said so too.Mr Dedalus covered the dish and began to eat hungrily. Then
he said:
—Poor old Christy, he's nearly lopsided now with
roguery.
—Simon, said Mrs Dedalus, you haven't given Mrs Riordan any
sauce.Mr Dedalus seized the sauceboat.
—Haven't I? he cried. Mrs Riordan, pity the poor blind. Dante
covered her plate with her hands and said:
—No, thanks.Mr Dedalus turned to uncle Charles.
—How are you off, sir?
—Right as the mail, Simon.
—You, John?
—I'm all right. Go on yourself.
—Mary? Here, Stephen, here's something to make your hair
curl.He poured sauce freely over Stephen's plate and set the boat
again on the table. Then he asked uncle Charles was it tender.
Uncle Charles could not speak because his mouth was full; but he
nodded that it was.
—That was a good answer our friend made to the canon. What?
said Mr Dedalus.
—I didn't think he had that much in him, said Mr
Casey.
—I'LL PAY YOUR DUES, FATHER, WHEN YOU CEASE TURNING THE HOUSE
OF GOD INTO A POLLING-BOOTH.
—A nice answer, said Dante, for any man calling himself a
catholic to give to his priest.
—They have only themselves to blame, said Mr Dedalus suavely.
If they took a fool's advice they would confine their attention to
religion.
—It is religion, Dante said. They are doing their duty in
warning the people.
—We go to the house of God, Mr Casey said, in all humility to
pray to our Maker and not to hear election addresses.
—It is religion, Dante said again. They are right. They must
direct their flocks.
—And preach politics from the altar, is it? asked Mr
Dedalus.
—Certainly, said Dante. It is a question of public morality.
A priest would not be a priest if he did not tell his flock what is
right and what is wrong.Mrs Dedalus laid down her knife and fork,
saying:
—For pity sake and for pity sake let us have no political
discussion on this day of all days in the year.
—Quite right, ma'am, said uncle Charles. Now, Simon, that's
quite enough now. Not another word now.
—Yes, yes, said Mr Dedalus quickly.He uncovered the dish boldly and said:
—Now then, who's for more turkey?Nobody answered. Dante said:
—Nice language for any catholic to use!
—Mrs Riordan, I appeal to you, said Mrs Dedalus, to let the
matter drop now.Dante turned on her and said:
—And am I to sit here and listen to the pastors of my church
being flouted?
—Nobody is saying a word against them, said Mr Dedalus, so
long as they don't meddle in politics.
—The bishops and priests of Ireland have spoken, said Dante,
and they must be obeyed.
—Let them leave politics alone, said Mr Casey, or the people
may leave their church alone.
—You hear? said Dante, turning to Mrs Dedalus.
—Mr Casey! Simon! said Mrs Dedalus, let it end
now.
—Too bad! Too bad! said uncle Charles.
—What? cried Mr Dedalus. Were we to desert him at the bidding
of the English people?
—He was no longer worthy to lead, said Dante. He was a public
sinner.
—We are all sinners and black sinners, said Mr Casey
coldly.
—WOE BE TO THE MAN BY WHOM THE SCANDAL COMETH! said Mrs
Riordan. IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR HIM THAT A MILLSTONE WERE TIED
ABOUT HIS NECK AND THAT HE WERE CAST INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA
RATHER THAN THAT HE SHOULD SCANDALIZE ONE OF THESE, MY LEAST LITTLE
ONES. That is the language of the Holy Ghost.
—And very bad language if you ask me, said Mr Dedalus
coolly.
—Simon! Simon! said uncle Charles. The boy.
—Yes, yes, said Mr Dedalus. I meant about the... I was
thinking about the bad language of the railway porter. Well now,
that's all right. Here, Stephen, show me your plate, old chap. Eat
away now. Here.