Mark Twain
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
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Table of contents
CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVII.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXXI.
CHAPTER XXXII.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
CHAPTER XXXV.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
CHAPTER XXXVII.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
CHAPTER XXXIX.
CHAPTER XL.
CHAPTER XLI.
CHAPTER XLII.
COLOPHON
CHAPTER I.
YOU
don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The
Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book
was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There
was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. That
is nothing. I never seen anybody but lied one time or another,
without it was Aunt Polly, or the widow, or maybe Mary. Aunt
Polly—Tom's Aunt Polly, she is—and Mary, and the Widow Douglas is
all told about in that book, which is mostly a true book, with some
stretchers, as I said before.Now
the way that the book winds up is this: Tom and me found the
money that the robbers hid in the cave, and it made us rich. We
got six thousand dollars apiece—all gold. It was an awful
sight of money when it was piled up. Well, Judge Thatcher he
took it and put it out at interest, and it fetched us a dollar a
day
apiece all the year round—more than a body could tell what to do
with. The Widow Douglas she took me for her son, and allowed
she would sivilize me; but it was rough living in the house all the
time, considering how dismal regular and decent the widow was in
all
her ways; and so when I couldn't stand it no longer I lit out. I
got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and
satisfied. But Tom Sawyer he hunted me up and said he was going
to start a band of robbers, and I might join if I would go back to
the widow and be respectable. So I went back.The
widow she cried over me, and called me a poor lost lamb, and she
called me a lot of other names, too, but she never meant no harm by
it. She put me in them new clothes again, and I couldn't do nothing
but sweat and sweat, and feel all cramped up. Well, then, the
old thing commenced again. The widow rung a bell for supper,
and you had to come to time. When you got to the table you couldn't
go right to eating, but you had to wait for the widow to tuck down
her head and grumble a little over the victuals, though there
warn't
really anything the matter with them,—that is, nothing only
everything was cooked by itself. In a barrel of odds and ends
it is different; things get mixed up, and the juice kind of swaps
around, and the things go better.After
supper she got out her book and learned me about Moses and the
Bulrushers, and I was in a sweat to find out all about him; but by
and by she let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long
time; so then I didn't care no more about him, because I don't take
no stock in dead people.Pretty
soon I wanted to smoke, and asked the widow to let me. But she
wouldn't. She said it was a mean practice and wasn't clean, and
I must try to not do it any more. That is just the way with
some people. They get down on a thing when they don't know
nothing about it. Here she was a-bothering about Moses, which
was no kin to her, and no use to anybody, being gone, you see, yet
finding a power of fault with me for doing a thing that had some
good
in it. And she took snuff, too; of course that was all right,
because she done it herself.Her
sister, Miss Watson, a tolerable slim old maid, with goggles on,
had
just come to live with her, and took a set at me now with a
spelling-book. She worked me middling hard for about an hour, and
then the widow made her ease up. I couldn't stood it much
longer. Then for an hour it was deadly dull, and I was fidgety.
Miss Watson would say, "Don't put your feet up there,
Huckleberry;" and "Don't scrunch up like that,
Huckleberry—set up straight;" and pretty soon she would say,
"Don't gap and stretch like that, Huckleberry—why don't you
try to behave?" Then she told me all about the bad place,
and I said I wished I was there. She got mad then, but I didn't
mean
no harm. All I wanted was to go somewheres; all I wanted was a
change, I warn't particular. She said it was wicked to say what
I said; said she wouldn't say it for the whole world; she was going
to live so as to go to the good place. Well, I couldn't see no
advantage in going where she was going, so I made up my mind I
wouldn't try for it. But I never said so, because it would only
make trouble, and wouldn't do no good.Now
she had got a start, and she went on and told me all about the good
place. She said all a body would have to do there was to go
around all day long with a harp and sing, forever and ever. So
I didn't think much of it. But I never said so. I asked her if
she reckoned Tom Sawyer would go there, and she said not by a
considerable sight. I was glad about that, because I wanted him
and me to be together.Miss
Watson she kept pecking at me, and it got tiresome and lonesome.
By
and by they fetched the niggers in and had prayers, and then
everybody was off to bed. I went up to my room with a piece of
candle, and put it on the table. Then I set down in a chair by
the window and tried to think of something cheerful, but it warn't
no
use. I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The
stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so
mournful; and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody
that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody
that
was going to die; and the wind was trying to whisper something to
me,
and I couldn't make out what it was, and so it made the cold
shivers
run over me. Then away out in the woods I heard that kind of a
sound
that a ghost makes when it wants to tell about something that's on
its mind and can't make itself understood, and so can't rest easy
in
its grave, and has to go about that way every night grieving. I
got so down-hearted and scared I did wish I had some company.
Pretty
soon a spider went crawling up my shoulder, and I flipped it off
and
it lit in the candle; and before I could budge it was all shriveled
up. I didn't need anybody to tell me that that was an awful bad
sign and would fetch me some bad luck, so I was scared and most
shook
the clothes off of me. I got up and turned around in my tracks
three
times and crossed my breast every time; and then I tied up a little
lock of my hair with a thread to keep witches away. But I
hadn't no confidence. You do that when you've lost a horseshoe
that you've found, instead of nailing it up over the door, but I
hadn't ever heard anybody say it was any way to keep off bad luck
when you'd killed a spider.I
set down again, a-shaking all over, and got out my pipe for a
smoke;
for the house was all as still as death now, and so the widow
wouldn't know. Well, after a long time I heard the clock away off
in
the town go boom—boom—boom—twelve licks; and all still
again—stiller than ever. Pretty soon I heard a twig snap down in
the dark amongst the trees—something was a stirring. I set
still and listened. Directly I could just barely hear a
"me-yow! me-yow!" down there. That was good! Says
I, "me-yow! me-yow!" as soft as I could, and then I put out
the light and scrambled out of the window on to the shed. Then
I slipped down to the ground and crawled in among the trees, and,
sure enough, there was Tom Sawyer waiting for me.
CHAPTER II.
WE
went tiptoeing along a path amongst the trees back towards the end
of
the widow's garden, stooping down so as the branches wouldn't
scrape
our heads. When we was passing by the kitchen I fell over a root
and
made a noise. We scrouched down and laid still. Miss
Watson's big nigger, named Jim, was setting in the kitchen door; we
could see him pretty clear, because there was a light behind him.
He
got up and stretched his neck out about a minute, listening. Then
he says:"Who
dah?"He
listened some more; then he come tiptoeing down and stood right
between us; we could a touched him, nearly. Well, likely it was
minutes and minutes that there warn't a sound, and we all there so
close together. There was a place on my ankle that got to
itching, but I dasn't scratch it; and then my ear begun to itch;
and
next my back, right between my shoulders. Seemed like I'd die
if I couldn't scratch. Well, I've noticed that thing plenty
times since. If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or
trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy—if you are anywheres
where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in
upwards of a thousand places. Pretty soon Jim says:"Say,
who is you? Whar is you? Dog my cats ef I didn' hear
sumf'n. Well, I know what I's gwyne to do: I's gwyne to set
down here and listen tell I hears it agin."So
he set down on the ground betwixt me and Tom. He leaned his
back up against a tree, and stretched his legs out till one of them
most touched one of mine. My nose begun to itch. It
itched till the tears come into my eyes. But I dasn't scratch.
Then it begun to itch on the inside. Next I got to itching
underneath. I didn't know how I was going to set still. This
miserableness went on as much as six or seven minutes; but it
seemed
a sight longer than that. I was itching in eleven different
places now. I reckoned I couldn't stand it more'n a minute
longer, but I set my teeth hard and got ready to try. Just then
Jim begun to breathe heavy; next he begun to snore—and then I was
pretty soon comfortable again.Tom
he made a sign to me—kind of a little noise with his mouth—and we
went creeping away on our hands and knees. When we was ten foot
off Tom whispered to me, and wanted to tie Jim to the tree for fun.
But I said no; he might wake and make a disturbance, and then
they'd find out I warn't in. Then Tom said he hadn't got candles
enough, and he would slip in the kitchen and get some more. I
didn't want him to try. I said Jim might wake up and come. But
Tom wanted to resk it; so we slid in there and got three candles,
and
Tom laid five cents on the table for pay. Then we got out, and I
was
in a sweat to get away; but nothing would do Tom but he must crawl
to
where Jim was, on his hands and knees, and play something on him.
I
waited, and it seemed a good while, everything was so still and
lonesome.As
soon as Tom was back we cut along the path, around the garden
fence,
and by and by fetched up on the steep top of the hill the other
side
of the house. Tom said he slipped Jim's hat off of his head and
hung it on a limb right over him, and Jim stirred a little, but he
didn't wake. Afterwards Jim said the witches be witched him and put
him in a trance, and rode him all over the State, and then set him
under the trees again, and hung his hat on a limb to show who done
it. And next time Jim told it he said they rode him down to New
Orleans; and, after that, every time he told it he spread it more
and
more, till by and by he said they rode him all over the world, and
tired him most to death, and his back was all over saddle-boils.
Jim
was monstrous proud about it, and he got so he wouldn't hardly
notice
the other niggers. Niggers would come miles to hear Jim tell
about it, and he was more looked up to than any nigger in that
country. Strange niggers would stand with their mouths open and
look him all over, same as if he was a wonder. Niggers is
always talking about witches in the dark by the kitchen fire; but
whenever one was talking and letting on to know all about such
things, Jim would happen in and say, "Hm! What you know
'bout witches?" and that nigger was corked up and had to take a
back seat. Jim always kept that five-center piece round his
neck with a string, and said it was a charm the devil give to him
with his own hands, and told him he could cure anybody with it and
fetch witches whenever he wanted to just by saying something to it;
but he never told what it was he said to it. Niggers would come
from all around there and give Jim anything they had, just for a
sight of that five-center piece; but they wouldn't touch it,
because
the devil had had his hands on it. Jim was most ruined for a
servant, because he got stuck up on account of having seen the
devil
and been rode by witches.Well,
when Tom and me got to the edge of the hilltop we looked away down
into the village and could see three or four lights twinkling,
where
there was sick folks, maybe; and the stars over us was sparkling
ever
so fine; and down by the village was the river, a whole mile broad,
and awful still and grand. We went down the hill and found Jo
Harper and Ben Rogers, and two or three more of the boys, hid in
the
old tanyard. So we unhitched a skiff and pulled down the river
two mile and a half, to the big scar on the hillside, and went
ashore.We
went to a clump of bushes, and Tom made everybody swear to keep the
secret, and then showed them a hole in the hill, right in the
thickest part of the bushes. Then we lit the candles, and
crawled in on our hands and knees. We went about two hundred
yards, and then the cave opened up. Tom poked about amongst the
passages, and pretty soon ducked under a wall where you wouldn't a
noticed that there was a hole. We went along a narrow place and
got into a kind of room, all damp and sweaty and cold, and there we
stopped. Tom says:"Now,
we'll start this band of robbers and call it Tom Sawyer's Gang.
Everybody that wants to join has got to take an oath, and write his
name in blood."Everybody
was willing. So Tom got out a sheet of paper that he had wrote
the oath on, and read it. It swore every boy to stick to the
band, and never tell any of the secrets; and if anybody done
anything
to any boy in the band, whichever boy was ordered to kill that
person
and his family must do it, and he mustn't eat and he mustn't sleep
till he had killed them and hacked a cross in their breasts, which
was the sign of the band. And nobody that didn't belong to the band
could use that mark, and if he did he must be sued; and if he done
it
again he must be killed. And if anybody that belonged to the
band told the secrets, he must have his throat cut, and then have
his
carcass burnt up and the ashes scattered all around, and his name
blotted off of the list with blood and never mentioned again by the
gang, but have a curse put on it and be forgot forever.Everybody
said it was a real beautiful oath, and asked Tom if he got it out
of
his own head. He said, some of it, but the rest was out of
pirate-books and robber-books, and every gang that was high-toned
had
it.Some
thought it would be good to kill the
families of boys
that told the secrets. Tom said it was a good idea, so he took
a pencil and wrote it in. Then Ben Rogers says:"Here's
Huck Finn, he hain't got no family; what you going to do 'bout
him?""Well,
hain't he got a father?" says Tom Sawyer."Yes,
he's got a father, but you can't never find him these days. He
used to lay drunk with the hogs in the tanyard, but he hain't been
seen in these parts for a year or more."They
talked it over, and they was going to rule me out, because they
said
every boy must have a family or somebody to kill, or else it
wouldn't
be fair and square for the others. Well, nobody could think of
anything to do—everybody was stumped, and set still. I was
most ready to cry; but all at once I thought of a way, and so I
offered them Miss Watson—they could kill her. Everybody
said:"Oh,
she'll do. That's all right. Huck can come in."Then
they all stuck a pin in their fingers to get blood to sign with,
and
I made my mark on the paper."Now,"
says Ben Rogers, "what's the line of business of this Gang?""Nothing
only robbery and murder," Tom said."But
who are we going to rob?—houses, or cattle, or—""Stuff!
stealing cattle and such things ain't robbery; it's burglary,"
says Tom Sawyer. "We ain't burglars. That ain't no
sort of style. We are highwaymen. We stop stages and
carriages on the road, with masks on, and kill the people and take
their watches and money.""Must
we always kill the people?""Oh,
certainly. It's best. Some authorities think different,
but mostly it's considered best to kill them—except some that you
bring to the cave here, and keep them till they're
ransomed.""Ransomed?
What's that?""I
don't know. But that's what they do. I've seen it in
books; and so of course that's what we've got to do.""But
how can we do it if we don't know what it is?""Why,
blame it all, we've
got to do it.
Don't I tell you it's in the books? Do you want to go to
doing different from what's in the books, and get things all
muddled
up?""Oh,
that's all very fine to
say, Tom Sawyer,
but how in the nation are these fellows going to be ransomed if we
don't know how to do it to them?—that's the thing I want to get at.
Now, what do you reckon it is?""Well,
I don't know. But per'aps if we keep them till they're
ransomed, it means that we keep them till they're dead.""Now,
that's something
like. That'll
answer. Why couldn't you said that before? We'll keep
them till they're ransomed to death; and a bothersome lot they'll
be,
too—eating up everything, and always trying to get loose.""How
you talk, Ben Rogers. How can they get loose when there's a
guard over them, ready to shoot them down if they move a
peg?""A
guard! Well, that
is good. So
somebody's got to set up all night and never get any sleep, just so
as to watch them. I think that's foolishness. Why can't a body
take a club and ransom them as soon as they get here?""Because
it ain't in the books so—that's why. Now, Ben Rogers, do you
want to do things regular, or don't you?—that's the idea. Don't
you reckon that the people that made the books knows what's the
correct thing to do? Do you reckon
you can learn 'em
anything? Not by a good deal. No, sir, we'll just go on and
ransom them in the regular way.""All
right. I don't mind; but I say it's a fool way, anyhow. Say,
do we kill the women, too?""Well,
Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on. Kill
the women? No; nobody ever saw anything in the books like that.
You fetch them to the cave, and you're always as polite as pie
to them; and by and by they fall in love with you, and never want
to
go home any more.""Well,
if that's the way I'm agreed, but I don't take no stock in it.
Mighty
soon we'll have the cave so cluttered up with women, and fellows
waiting to be ransomed, that there won't be no place for the
robbers.
But go ahead, I ain't got nothing to say."Little
Tommy Barnes was asleep now, and when they waked him up he was
scared, and cried, and said he wanted to go home to his ma, and
didn't want to be a robber any more.So
they all made fun of him, and called him cry-baby, and that made
him
mad, and he said he would go straight and tell all the secrets.
But
Tom give him five cents to keep quiet, and said we would all go
home
and meet next week, and rob somebody and kill some people.Ben
Rogers said he couldn't get out much, only Sundays, and so he
wanted
to begin next Sunday; but all the boys said it would be wicked to
do
it on Sunday, and that settled the thing. They agreed to get
together and fix a day as soon as they could, and then we elected
Tom
Sawyer first captain and Jo Harper second captain of the Gang, and
so
started home.I
clumb up the shed and crept into my window just before day was
breaking. My new clothes was all greased up and clayey, and I was
dog-tired.
CHAPTER III.
WELL,
I got a good going-over in the morning from old Miss Watson on
account of my clothes; but the widow she didn't scold, but only
cleaned off the grease and clay, and looked so sorry that I thought
I
would behave awhile if I could. Then Miss Watson she took me in
the closet and prayed, but nothing come of it. She told me to
pray every day, and whatever I asked for I would get it. But it
warn't so. I tried it. Once I got a fish-line, but no hooks.
It warn't any good to me without hooks. I tried for the
hooks three or four times, but somehow I couldn't make it work. By
and by, one day, I asked Miss Watson to try for me, but she said I
was a fool. She never told me why, and I couldn't make it out
no way.I
set down one time back in the woods, and had a long think about it.
I says to myself, if a body can get anything they pray for, why
don't Deacon Winn get back the money he lost on pork? Why can't
the widow get back her silver snuffbox that was stole? Why
can't Miss Watson fat up? No, says I to my self, there ain't
nothing
in it. I went and told the widow about it, and she said the
thing a body could get by praying for it was "spiritual gifts."
This was too many for me, but she told me what she meant—I
must help other people, and do everything I could for other people,
and look out for them all the time, and never think about myself.
This was including Miss Watson, as I took it. I went out in the
woods and turned it over in my mind a long time, but I couldn't see
no advantage about it—except for the other people; so at last I
reckoned I wouldn't worry about it any more, but just let it go.
Sometimes the widow would take me one side and talk about
Providence in a way to make a body's mouth water; but maybe next
day
Miss Watson would take hold and knock it all down again. I
judged I could see that there was two Providences, and a poor chap
would stand considerable show with the widow's Providence, but if
Miss Watson's got him there warn't no help for him any more. I
thought it all out, and reckoned I would belong to the widow's if
he
wanted me, though I couldn't make out how he was a-going to be any
better off then than what he was before, seeing I was so ignorant,
and so kind of low-down and ornery.Pap
he hadn't been seen for more than a year, and that was comfortable
for me; I didn't want to see him no more. He used to always
whale me when he was sober and could get his hands on me; though I
used to take to the woods most of the time when he was around.
Well,
about this time he was found in the river drownded, about twelve
mile
above town, so people said. They judged it was him, anyway;
said this drownded man was just his size, and was ragged, and had
uncommon long hair, which was all like pap; but they couldn't make
nothing out of the face, because it had been in the water so long
it
warn't much like a face at all. They said he was floating on
his back in the water. They took him and buried him on the
bank. But I warn't comfortable long, because I happened to
think of something. I knowed mighty well that a drownded man
don't float on his back, but on his face. So I knowed, then,
that this warn't pap, but a woman dressed up in a man's clothes.
So
I was uncomfortable again. I judged the old man would turn up
again by and by, though I wished he wouldn't.We
played robber now and then about a month, and then I resigned. All
the boys did. We hadn't robbed nobody, hadn't killed any
people, but only just pretended. We used to hop out of the
woods and go charging down on hog-drivers and women in carts taking
garden stuff to market, but we never hived any of them. Tom
Sawyer called the hogs "ingots," and he called the turnips
and stuff "julery," and we would go to the cave and powwow
over what we had done, and how many people we had killed and
marked.
But I couldn't see no profit in it. One time Tom sent a
boy to run about town with a blazing stick, which he called a
slogan
(which was the sign for the Gang to get together), and then he said
he had got secret news by his spies that next day a whole parcel of
Spanish merchants and rich A-rabs was going to camp in Cave Hollow
with two hundred elephants, and six hundred camels, and over a
thousand "sumter" mules, all loaded down with di'monds, and
they didn't have only a guard of four hundred soldiers, and so we
would lay in ambuscade, as he called it, and kill the lot and scoop
the things. He said we must slick up our swords and guns, and
get ready. He never could go after even a turnip-cart but he
must have the swords and guns all scoured up for it, though they
was
only lath and broomsticks, and you might scour at them till you
rotted, and then they warn't worth a mouthful of ashes more than
what
they was before. I didn't believe we could lick such a crowd of
Spaniards and A-rabs, but I wanted to see the camels and elephants,
so I was on hand next day, Saturday, in the ambuscade; and when we
got the word we rushed out of the woods and down the hill. But
there warn't no Spaniards and A-rabs, and there warn't no camels
nor
no elephants. It warn't anything but a Sunday-school picnic,
and only a primer-class at that. We busted it up, and chased
the children up the hollow; but we never got anything but some
doughnuts and jam, though Ben Rogers got a rag doll, and Jo Harper
got a hymn-book and a tract; and then the teacher charged in, and
made us drop everything and cut.I
didn't see no di'monds, and I told Tom Sawyer so. He said there
was loads of them there, anyway; and he said there was A-rabs
there,
too, and elephants and things. I said, why couldn't we see
them, then? He said if I warn't so ignorant, but had read a
book called Don Quixote, I would know without asking. He said
it was all done by enchantment. He said there was hundreds of
soldiers there, and elephants and treasure, and so on, but we had
enemies which he called magicians; and they had turned the whole
thing into an infant Sunday-school, just out of spite. I said,
all right; then the thing for us to do was to go for the magicians.
Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull."Why,"
said he, "a magician could call up a lot of genies, and they
would hash you up like nothing before you could say Jack Robinson.
They are as tall as a tree and as big around as a church.""Well,"
I says, "s'pose we got some genies to help
us—can't we lick
the other crowd then?""How
you going to get them?""I
don't know. How do
they get them?""Why,
they rub an old tin lamp or an iron ring, and then the genies come
tearing in, with the thunder and lightning a-ripping around and the
smoke a-rolling, and everything they're told to do they up and do
it.
They don't think nothing of pulling a shot-tower up by the
roots, and belting a Sunday-school superintendent over the head
with
it—or any other man.""Who
makes them tear around so?""Why,
whoever rubs the lamp or the ring. They belong to whoever rubs
the lamp or the ring, and they've got to do whatever he says. If
he tells them to build a palace forty miles long out of di'monds,
and
fill it full of chewing-gum, or whatever you want, and fetch an
emperor's daughter from China for you to marry, they've got to do
it—and they've got to do it before sun-up next morning, too. And
more: they've got to waltz that palace around over the country
wherever you want it, you understand.""Well,"
says I, "I think they are a pack of flat-heads for not keeping
the palace themselves 'stead of fooling them away like that. And
what's more—if I was one of them I would see a man in Jericho
before I would drop my business and come to him for the rubbing of
an
old tin lamp.""How
you talk, Huck Finn. Why, you'd
have to come when
he rubbed it, whether you wanted to or not.""What!
and I as high as a tree and as big as a church? All right,
then; I would
come; but I lay I'd make that man climb the highest tree there was
in
the country.""Shucks,
it ain't no use to talk to you, Huck Finn. You don't seem to
know anything, somehow—perfect saphead."I
thought all this over for two or three days, and then I reckoned I
would see if there was anything in it. I got an old tin lamp
and an iron ring, and went out in the woods and rubbed and rubbed
till I sweat like an Injun, calculating to build a palace and sell
it; but it warn't no use, none of the genies come. So then I
judged that all that stuff was only just one of Tom Sawyer's lies.
I
reckoned he believed in the A-rabs and the elephants, but as for me
I
think different. It had all the marks of a Sunday-school.
CHAPTER IV.
WELL,
three or four months run along, and it was well into the winter
now.
I had been to school most all the time and could spell and read and
write just a little, and could say the multiplication table up to
six
times seven is thirty-five, and I don't reckon I could ever get any
further than that if I was to live forever. I don't take no
stock in mathematics, anyway.At
first I hated the school, but by and by I got so I could stand it.
Whenever I got uncommon tired I played hookey, and the hiding I got
next day done me good and cheered me up. So the longer I went
to school the easier it got to be. I was getting sort of used
to the widow's ways, too, and they warn't so raspy on me. Living
in a house and sleeping in a bed pulled on me pretty tight mostly,
but before the cold weather I used to slide out and sleep in the
woods sometimes, and so that was a rest to me. I liked the old
ways best, but I was getting so I liked the new ones, too, a little
bit. The widow said I was coming along slow but sure, and doing
very
satisfactory. She said she warn't ashamed of me.One
morning I happened to turn over the salt-cellar at breakfast. I
reached for some of it as quick as I could to throw over my left
shoulder and keep off the bad luck, but Miss Watson was in ahead of
me, and crossed me off. She says, "Take your hands away,
Huckleberry; what a mess you are always making!" The widow
put in a good word for me, but that warn't going to keep off the
bad
luck, I knowed that well enough. I started out, after
breakfast, feeling worried and shaky, and wondering where it was
going to fall on me, and what it was going to be. There is ways
to keep off some kinds of bad luck, but this wasn't one of them
kind;
so I never tried to do anything, but just poked along low-spirited
and on the watch-out.I
went down to the front garden and clumb over the stile where you go
through the high board fence. There was an inch of new snow on
the ground, and I seen somebody's tracks. They had come up from
the quarry and stood around the stile a while, and then went on
around the garden fence. It was funny they hadn't come in,
after standing around so. I couldn't make it out. It was
very curious, somehow. I was going to follow around, but I
stooped down to look at the tracks first. I didn't notice
anything at first, but next I did. There was a cross in the
left boot-heel made with big nails, to keep off the devil.I
was up in a second and shinning down the hill. I looked over my
shoulder every now and then, but I didn't see nobody. I was at
Judge Thatcher's as quick as I could get there. He said:"Why,
my boy, you are all out of breath. Did you come for your
interest?""No,
sir," I says; "is there some for me?""Oh,
yes, a half-yearly is in last night—over a hundred and fifty
dollars. Quite a fortune for you. You had better let me
invest it along with your six thousand, because if you take it
you'll
spend it.""No,
sir," I says, "I don't want to spend it. I don't want
it at all—nor the six thousand, nuther. I want you to take
it; I want to give it to you—the six thousand and all."He
looked surprised. He couldn't seem to make it out. He
says:"Why,
what can you mean, my boy?"I
says, "Don't you ask me no questions about it, please. You'll
take it—won't you?"He
says:"Well,
I'm puzzled. Is something the matter?""Please
take it," says I, "and don't ask me nothing—then I won't
have to tell no lies."He
studied a while, and then he says:"Oho-o!
I think I see. You want to
sell all your
property to me—not give it. That's the correct idea."Then
he wrote something on a paper and read it over, and says:"There;
you see it says 'for a consideration.' That means I have bought
it of you and paid you for it. Here's a dollar for you. Now
you sign it."So
I signed it, and left.Miss
Watson's nigger, Jim, had a hair-ball as big as your fist, which
had
been took out of the fourth stomach of an ox, and he used to do
magic
with it. He said there was a spirit inside of it, and it knowed
everything. So I went to him that night and told him pap was
here again, for I found his tracks in the snow. What I wanted
to know was, what he was going to do, and was he going to stay?
Jim
got out his hair-ball and said something over it, and then he held
it
up and dropped it on the floor. It fell pretty solid, and only
rolled about an inch. Jim tried it again, and then another
time, and it acted just the same. Jim got down on his knees,
and put his ear against it and listened. But it warn't no use;
he said it wouldn't talk. He said sometimes it wouldn't talk
without
money. I told him I had an old slick counterfeit quarter that
warn't no good because the brass showed through the silver a
little,
and it wouldn't pass nohow, even if the brass didn't show, because
it
was so slick it felt greasy, and so that would tell on it every
time.
(I reckoned I wouldn't say nothing about the dollar I got from
the judge.) I said it was pretty bad money, but maybe the hair-ball
would take it, because maybe it wouldn't know the difference. Jim
smelt it and bit it and rubbed it, and said he would manage so the
hair-ball would think it was good. He said he would split open
a raw Irish potato and stick the quarter in between and keep it
there
all night, and next morning you couldn't see no brass, and it
wouldn't feel greasy no more, and so anybody in town would take it
in
a minute, let alone a hair-ball. Well, I knowed a potato would
do that before, but I had forgot it.Jim
put the quarter under the hair-ball, and got down and listened
again.
This time he said the hair-ball was all right. He said it would
tell my whole fortune if I wanted it to. I says, go on. So
the hair-ball talked to Jim, and Jim told it to me. He
says:"Yo'
ole father doan' know yit what he's a-gwyne to do. Sometimes he
spec he'll go 'way, en den agin he spec he'll stay. De bes' way
is to res' easy en let de ole man take his own way. Dey's two
angels hoverin' roun' 'bout him. One uv 'em is white en shiny,
en t'other one is black. De white one gits him to go right a little
while, den de black one sail in en bust it all up. A body can't
tell yit which one gwyne to fetch him at de las'. But you is
all right. You gwyne to have considable trouble in yo' life, en
considable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes
you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
Dey's two gals flyin' 'bout you in yo' life. One uv 'em's
light en t'other one is dark. One is rich en t'other is po'. You's
gwyne to marry de po' one fust en de rich one by en by. You
wants to keep 'way fum de water as much as you kin, en don't run no
resk, 'kase it's down in de bills dat you's gwyne to git
hung."When
I lit my candle and went up to my room that night there sat pap his
own self!
CHAPTER V.
I
had shut the door to. Then I turned around and there he was. I
used to be scared of him all the time, he tanned me so much. I
reckoned I was scared now, too; but in a minute I see I was
mistaken—that is, after the first jolt, as you may say, when my
breath sort of hitched, he being so unexpected; but right away
after
I see I warn't scared of him worth bothring about.He
was most fifty, and he looked it. His hair was long and tangled
and greasy, and hung down, and you could see his eyes shining
through
like he was behind vines. It was all black, no gray; so was his
long, mixed-up whiskers. There warn't no color in his face,
where his face showed; it was white; not like another man's white,
but a white to make a body sick, a white to make a body's flesh
crawl—a tree-toad white, a fish-belly white. As for his
clothes—just rags, that was all. He had one ankle resting on
t'other knee; the boot on that foot was busted, and two of his toes
stuck through, and he worked them now and then. His hat was
laying on the floor—an old black slouch with the top caved in, like
a lid.I
stood a-looking at him; he set there a-looking at me, with his
chair
tilted back a little. I set the candle down. I noticed
the window was up; so he had clumb in by the shed. He kept
a-looking me all over. By and by he says:"Starchy
clothes—very. You think you're a good deal of a big-bug,
don't you?""Maybe
I am, maybe I ain't," I says."Don't
you give me none o' your lip," says he. "You've put
on considerable many frills since I been away. I'll take you
down a peg before I get done with you. You're educated, too,
they say—can read and write. You think you're better'n your
father, now, don't you, because he can't? I'll
take it out of you. Who told you you might meddle with such
hifalut'n foolishness, hey?—who told you you could?""The
widow. She told me.""The
widow, hey?—and who told the widow she could put in her shovel
about a thing that ain't none of her business?""Nobody
never told her.""Well,
I'll learn her how to meddle. And looky here—you drop that
school, you hear? I'll learn people to bring up a boy to put on
airs over his own father and let on to be better'n what
he is. You
lemme catch you fooling around that school again, you hear? Your
mother couldn't read, and she couldn't write, nuther, before she
died. None of the family couldn't before
they died. I
can't; and here you're a-swelling yourself up like this. I
ain't the man to stand it—you hear? Say, lemme hear you
read."I
took up a book and begun something about General Washington and the
wars. When I'd read about a half a minute, he fetched the book a
whack with his hand and knocked it across the house. He
says:"It's
so. You can do it. I had my doubts when you told me. Now
looky here; you stop that putting on frills. I won't have it.
I'll lay for you, my smarty; and if I catch you about that
school I'll tan you good. First you know you'll get religion, too.
I
never see such a son."He
took up a little blue and yaller picture of some cows and a boy,
and
says:"What's
this?""It's
something they give me for learning my lessons good."He
tore it up, and says:"I'll
give you something better—I'll give you a cowhide."He
set there a-mumbling and a-growling a minute, and then he
says:"Ain't
you a sweet-scented dandy, though? A bed; and bedclothes; and a
look'n'-glass; and a piece of carpet on the floor—and your own
father got to sleep with the hogs in the tanyard. I never see
such a son. I bet I'll take some o' these frills out o' you
before I'm done with you. Why, there ain't no end to your airs—they
say you're rich. Hey?—how's that?""They
lie—that's how.""Looky
here—mind how you talk to me; I'm a-standing about all I can stand
now—so don't gimme no sass. I've been in town two days, and I
hain't heard nothing but about you bein' rich. I heard about it
away down the river, too. That's why I come. You git me
that money to-morrow—I want it.""I
hain't got no money.""It's
a lie. Judge Thatcher's got it. You git it. I want
it.""I
hain't got no money, I tell you. You ask Judge Thatcher; he'll
tell you the same.""All
right. I'll ask him; and I'll make him pungle, too, or I'll
know the reason why. Say, how much you got in your pocket? I
want it.""I
hain't got only a dollar, and I want that to—""It
don't make no difference what you want it for—you just shell it
out."He
took it and bit it to see if it was good, and then he said he was
going down town to get some whisky; said he hadn't had a drink all
day. When he had got out on the shed he put his head in again, and
cussed me for putting on frills and trying to be better than him;
and
when I reckoned he was gone he come back and put his head in again,
and told me to mind about that school, because he was going to lay
for me and lick me if I didn't drop that.Next
day he was drunk, and he went to Judge Thatcher's and bullyragged
him, and tried to make him give up the money; but he couldn't, and
then he swore he'd make the law force him.The
judge and the widow went to law to get the court to take me away
from
him and let one of them be my guardian; but it was a new judge that
had just come, and he didn't know the old man; so he said courts
mustn't interfere and separate families if they could help it; said
he'd druther not take a child away from its father. So Judge
Thatcher and the widow had to quit on the business.That
pleased the old man till he couldn't rest. He said he'd cowhide
me till I was black and blue if I didn't raise some money for him.
I
borrowed three dollars from Judge Thatcher, and pap took it and got
drunk, and went a-blowing around and cussing and whooping and
carrying on; and he kept it up all over town, with a tin pan, till
most midnight; then they jailed him, and next day they had him
before
court, and jailed him again for a week. But he said
he was satisfied;
said he was boss of his son, and he'd make it warm for
him.When
he got out the new judge said he was a-going to make a man of him.
So
he took him to his own house, and dressed him up clean and nice,
and
had him to breakfast and dinner and supper with the family, and was
just old pie to him, so to speak. And after supper he talked to
him about temperance and such things till the old man cried, and
said
he'd been a fool, and fooled away his life; but now he was a-going
to
turn over a new leaf and be a man nobody wouldn't be ashamed of,
and
he hoped the judge would help him and not look down on him. The
judge said he could hug him for them words; so he cried, and his
wife
she cried again; pap said he'd been a man that had always been
misunderstood before, and the judge said he believed it. The
old man said that what a man wanted that was down was sympathy, and
the judge said it was so; so they cried again. And when it was
bedtime the old man rose up and held out his hand, and says:"Look
at it, gentlemen and ladies all; take a-hold of it; shake it.
There's
a hand that was the hand of a hog; but it ain't so no more; it's
the
hand of a man that's started in on a new life, and'll die before
he'll go back. You mark them words—don't forget I said them.
It's a clean hand now; shake it—don't be afeard."So
they shook it, one after the other, all around, and cried. The
judge's wife she kissed it. Then the old man he signed a
pledge—made his mark. The judge said it was the holiest time on
record, or something like that. Then they tucked the old man into a
beautiful room, which was the spare room, and in the night some
time
he got powerful thirsty and clumb out on to the porch-roof and slid
down a stanchion and traded his new coat for a jug of forty-rod,
and
clumb back again and had a good old time; and towards daylight he
crawled out again, drunk as a fiddler, and rolled off the porch and
broke his left arm in two places, and was most froze to death when
somebody found him after sun-up. And when they come to look at
that spare room they had to take soundings before they could
navigate
it.The
judge he felt kind of sore. He said he reckoned a body could
reform the old man with a shotgun, maybe, but he didn't know no
other
way.
CHAPTER VI.
WELL,
pretty soon the old man was up and around again, and then he went
for
Judge Thatcher in the courts to make him give up that money, and he
went for me, too, for not stopping school. He catched me a
couple of times and thrashed me, but I went to school just the
same,
and dodged him or outrun him most of the time. I didn't want to
go to school much before, but I reckoned I'd go now to spite pap.
That law trial was a slow business—appeared like they warn't
ever going to get started on it; so every now and then I'd borrow
two
or three dollars off of the judge for him, to keep from getting a
cowhiding. Every time he got money he got drunk; and every time
he got drunk he raised Cain around town; and every time he raised
Cain he got jailed. He was just suited—this kind of thing was
right in his line.He
got to hanging around the widow's too much and so she told him at
last that if he didn't quit using around there she would make
trouble
for him. Well,
wasn't he mad? He
said he would show who was Huck Finn's boss. So he watched out
for me one day in the spring, and catched me, and took me up the
river about three mile in a skiff, and crossed over to the Illinois
shore where it was woody and there warn't no houses but an old log
hut in a place where the timber was so thick you couldn't find it
if
you didn't know where it was.He
kept me with him all the time, and I never got a chance to run off.
We lived in that old cabin, and he always locked the door and put
the
key under his head nights. He had a gun which he had stole, I
reckon, and we fished and hunted, and that was what we lived on.
Every little while he locked me in and went down to the store,
three miles, to the ferry, and traded fish and game for whisky, and
fetched it home and got drunk and had a good time, and licked me.
The widow she found out where I was by and by, and she sent a
man over to try to get hold of me; but pap drove him off with the
gun, and it warn't long after that till I was used to being where I
was, and liked it—all but the cowhide part.It
was kind of lazy and jolly, laying off comfortable all day, smoking
and fishing, and no books nor study. Two months or more run
along, and my clothes got to be all rags and dirt, and I didn't see
how I'd ever got to like it so well at the widow's, where you had
to
wash, and eat on a plate, and comb up, and go to bed and get up
regular, and be forever bothering over a book, and have old Miss
Watson pecking at you all the time. I didn't want to go back no
more. I had stopped cussing, because the widow didn't like it;
but now I took to it again because pap hadn't no objections. It
was pretty good times up in the woods there, take it all
around.But
by and by pap got too handy with his hick'ry, and I couldn't stand
it. I was all over welts. He got to going away so much, too,
and locking me in. Once he locked me in and was gone three
days. It was dreadful lonesome. I judged he had got
drownded, and I wasn't ever going to get out any more. I was
scared. I made up my mind I would fix up some way to leave
there. I had tried to get out of that cabin many a time, but I
couldn't find no way. There warn't a window to it big enough
for a dog to get through. I couldn't get up the chimbly; it was
too narrow. The door was thick, solid oak slabs. Pap was
pretty careful not to leave a knife or anything in the cabin when
he
was away; I reckon I had hunted the place over as much as a hundred
times; well, I was most all the time at it, because it was about
the
only way to put in the time. But this time I found something at
last; I found an old rusty wood-saw without any handle; it was laid
in between a rafter and the clapboards of the roof. I greased it up
and went to work. There was an old horse-blanket nailed against
the logs at the far end of the cabin behind the table, to keep the
wind from blowing through the chinks and putting the candle out. I
got under the table and raised the blanket, and went to work to saw
a
section of the big bottom log out—big enough to let me through.
Well, it was a good long job, but I was getting towards the end
of it when I heard pap's gun in the woods. I got rid of the
signs of my work, and dropped the blanket and hid my saw, and
pretty
soon pap come in.Pap
warn't in a good humor—so he was his natural self. He said he
was down town, and everything was going wrong. His lawyer said
he reckoned he would win his lawsuit and get the money if they ever
got started on the trial; but then there was ways to put it off a
long time, and Judge Thatcher knowed how to do it. And he said
people
allowed there'd be another trial to get me away from him and give
me
to the widow for my guardian, and they guessed it would win this
time. This shook me up considerable, because I didn't want to
go back to the widow's any more and be so cramped up and sivilized,
as they called it. Then the old man got to cussing, and cussed
everything and everybody he could think of, and then cussed them
all
over again to make sure he hadn't skipped any, and after that he
polished off with a kind of a general cuss all round, including a
considerable parcel of people which he didn't know the names of,
and
so called them what's-his-name when he got to them, and went right
along with his cussing.He
said he would like to see the widow get me. He said he would
watch out, and if they tried to come any such game on him he knowed
of a place six or seven mile off to stow me in, where they might
hunt
till they dropped and they couldn't find me. That made me
pretty uneasy again, but only for a minute; I reckoned I wouldn't
stay on hand till he got that chance.The
old man made me go to the skiff and fetch the things he had got.
There was a fifty-pound sack of corn meal, and a side of bacon,
ammunition, and a four-gallon jug of whisky, and an old book and
two
newspapers for wadding, besides some tow. I toted up a load,
and went back and set down on the bow of the skiff to rest. I
thought it all over, and I reckoned I would walk off with the gun
and
some lines, and take to the woods when I run away. I guessed I
wouldn't stay in one place, but just tramp right across the
country,
mostly night times, and hunt and fish to keep alive, and so get so
far away that the old man nor the widow couldn't ever find me any
more. I judged I would saw out and leave that night if pap got
drunk enough, and I reckoned he would. I got so full of it I
didn't notice how long I was staying till the old man hollered and
asked me whether I was asleep or drownded.I
got the things all up to the cabin, and then it was about dark.
While I was cooking supper the old man took a swig or two and
got sort of warmed up, and went to ripping again. He had been
drunk over in town, and laid in the gutter all night, and he was a
sight to look at. A body would a thought he was Adam—he was
just all mud. Whenever his liquor begun to work he most always
went for the govment, this time he says:"Call
this a govment! why, just look at it and see what it's like. Here's
the law a-standing ready to take a man's son away from him—a man's
own son, which he has had all the trouble and all the anxiety and
all
the expense of raising. Yes, just as that man has got that son
raised at last, and ready to go to work and begin to do suthin'
for
him and give him a
rest, the law up and goes for him. And they call
that govment! That
ain't all, nuther. The law backs that old Judge Thatcher up and
helps him to keep me out o' my property. Here's what the law
does: The law takes a man worth six thousand dollars and
up'ards, and jams him into an old trap of a cabin like this, and
lets
him go round in clothes that ain't fitten for a hog. They call that
govment! A man can't get his rights in a govment like this.
Sometimes I've a mighty notion to just leave the country for good
and
all. Yes, and I told
'em so; I told old Thatcher so to his face. Lots of 'em heard
me, and can tell what I said. Says I, for two cents I'd leave
the blamed country and never come a-near it agin. Them's the
very words. I says look at my hat—if you call it a hat—but
the lid raises up and the rest of it goes down till it's below my
chin, and then it ain't rightly a hat at all, but more like my head
was shoved up through a jint o' stove-pipe. Look at it, says
I—such a hat for me to wear—one of the wealthiest men in this
town if I could git my rights."Oh,
yes, this is a wonderful govment, wonderful. Why, looky here.
There was a free nigger there from Ohio—a mulatter, most as white
as a white man. He had the whitest shirt on you ever see, too,
and the shiniest hat; and there ain't a man in that town that's got
as fine clothes as what he had; and he had a gold watch and chain,
and a silver-headed cane—the awfulest old gray-headed nabob in the
State. And what do you think? They said he was a p'fessor
in a college, and could talk all kinds of languages, and knowed
everything. And that ain't the wust. They said he could
vote when he was at
home. Well, that let me out. Thinks I, what is the country
a-coming to? It was 'lection day, and I was just about to go
and vote myself if I warn't too drunk to get there; but when they
told me there was a State in this country where they'd let that
nigger vote, I drawed out. I says I'll never vote agin. Them's
the very words I said; they all heard me; and the country may rot
for
all me—I'll never vote agin as long as I live. And to see the
cool way of that nigger—why, he wouldn't a give me the road if I
hadn't shoved him out o' the way. I says to the people, why
ain't this nigger put up at auction and sold?—that's what I want to
know. And what do you reckon they said? Why, they said he
couldn't be sold till he'd been in the State six months, and he
hadn't been there that long yet. There, now—that's a
specimen. They call that a govment that can't sell a free
nigger till he's been in the State six months. Here's a govment
that calls itself a govment, and lets on to be a govment, and
thinks
it is a govment, and yet's got to set stock-still for six whole
months before it can take a hold of a prowling, thieving, infernal,
white-shirted free nigger, and—"Pap
was agoing on so he never noticed where his old limber legs was
taking him to, so he went head over heels over the tub of salt pork
and barked both shins, and the rest of his speech was all the
hottest
kind of language—mostly hove at the nigger and the govment, though
he give the tub some, too, all along, here and there. He hopped
around the cabin considerable, first on one leg and then on the
other, holding first one shin and then the other one, and at last
he
let out with his left foot all of a sudden and fetched the tub a
rattling kick. But it warn't good judgment, because that was
the boot that had a couple of his toes leaking out of the front end
of it; so now he raised a howl that fairly made a body's hair
raise,
and down he went in the dirt, and rolled there, and held his toes;
and the cussing he done then laid over anything he had ever done
previous. He said so his own self afterwards. He had
heard old Sowberry Hagan in his best days, and he said it laid over
him, too; but I reckon that was sort of piling it on, maybe.After
supper pap took the jug, and said he had enough whisky there for
two
drunks and one delirium tremens. That was always his word. I
judged he would be blind drunk in about an hour, and then I would
steal the key, or saw myself out, one or t'other. He drank and
drank, and tumbled down on his blankets by and by; but luck didn't
run my way. He didn't go sound asleep, but was uneasy. He
groaned and moaned and thrashed around this way and that for a long
time. At last I got so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open all
I could do, and so before I knowed what I was about I was sound
asleep, and the candle burning.