Agne E-Book

Rowan Knight

• Herausgeber: 22 Lions Bookstore
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

“I do not want to lose you. I don’t know what to do. This relationship was such a mess the whole time, and never, never worked. And I know it was because of me. It was and still is only my fault. My fault you are unhappy and my fault I am still not grown up enough, my fault for all the provocations” (Agne).

These were some of her last words. And yet, “something inside just dies when we confront the spirit in which a narcissist does what she does. That is a confrontation with the pure will to evil. You stand on the edge of the abyss and look down into their soul and see there is no bottom” (Kathy Krajco).

In any relationship with such personalities, you enter a lost battle for an impossible love, in which you see faith and hope being crushed to pieces.

Such was also the case with Agne. And this is her true story, unveiling her words and thoughts, which her own family was never able to comprehend. So many times she misguided others, putting her partner in the middle of insinuations, assumptions and descriptions that had nothing to do with his true intent, just to hide herself and her dark world of viciousness.

Most people may never find the truth about Agne, they may never be able to accept such truth either, for it is far much darker than anyone could imagine, but this book will surely reveal to you everything there is to know about her darkness and disturbed mind.

Leseprobe

Agne: Inside the Mind of a Narcissist

Rowan Knight

Published by 22 Lions Publishing, 2019.

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

AGNE: INSIDE THE MIND OF A NARCISSIST

First edition. June 8, 2019.

Copyright © 2019 Rowan Knight.

ISBN: 978-1393041542

Written by Rowan Knight.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Title Page

About the Publisher

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Book Review Request

Booklist

About the Publisher

Title Page

Agne: Inside the Mind of a Narcissist

By Rowan Knight

Copyright © Rowan Knight, 2019 (1st Ed.) All Rights Reserved.

Published by 22 Lions Bookstore and Publishing House

About the Publisher

About the 22 Lions Bookstore:

www.22Lions.com

Facebook.com/22Lions

Twitter.com/22lionsbookshop

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Introduction

“I do not want to lose you. I don’t know what to do. This relationship was such a mess the whole time, and never, never worked. And I know it was because of me. It was and still is only my fault. My fault you are unhappy and my fault I am still not grown up enough, my fault for all the provocations” (Agne).

These were some of her last words. And yet, “something inside just dies when we confront the spirit in which a narcissist does what she does. That is a confrontation with the pure will to evil. You stand on the edge of the abyss and look down into their soul and see there is no bottom” (Kathy Krajco).

In any relationship with such personalities, you enter a lost battle for an impossible love, in which you see faith and hope being crushed to pieces.

Such was also the case with Agne. And this is her true story, unveiling her words and thoughts, which her own family was never able to comprehend. So many times she misguided others, putting her partner in the middle of insinuations, assumptions and descriptions that had nothing to do with his true intent, just to hide herself and her dark world of viciousness.

Most people may never find the truth about Agne, they may never be able to accept such truth either, for it is far much darker than anyone could imagine, but this book will surely reveal to you everything there is to know about her darkness and disturbed mind.

Chapter 1

I met Agne in the exact same day I moved to Lithuania — Friday, the 13 of January 2017.

When I arrived, it was late at night, but some friends that I had met when visiting Lithuania for the first time where joining in a bar nearby my temporary apartment, and so I went there to see them and noticed her for the first time. She was the prettiest in the group and hard to ignore. My first impression was that she was much younger than me, so when I met her, I talked to her as I would talk to any funny teenager.

I was aware that she was pretty, but too young for me.

Meanwhile, I was meeting many people and being invited to different events, and the situation reached a point in which it seemed impossible to avoid her wherever I went.

She was always provoking me too.

On the second night, drunk and high on cannabis, she was already grabbing my hands and my ass in a club where we all went, flirting in the least discreet way possible. And as I sill didn’t give her what she wanted, she then kissed one of my female friends while turning to me and asking:

— “Are you jealous?"

I wasn’t. The friend she kissed was overweight and unattractive. And Agne was too young to attract me in a sexual way.

However, months later, she told me the following, when remembering that night:

— "I was only trying to see if I could get you, as you seemed cool; I didn't even care about your age until you told me.”

At that point, I was still not showing much interest towards her, and she resented that. But I eventually invited her out for a dinner to get to know her a little better — February, the 14th. Somehow, I felt bad that she was spending Valentine's Day alone.

As soon as I apologized for my previous behavior, she didn't waste any time and grabbed my hand, while saying with a big smile:

— “It is ok”.

I also said that I really liked her and was hoping we could be friends. And her face started glowing with enthusiasm.

After that night, she was the one inviting me out every evening after work; and even though I wasn't quite sure of what was going on between us.

She would make it clear enough eventually, when one night, during a chat online, she invited herself to sleep in my apartment.

Once the relationship started, she went from acting shy and naive to showing me another persona. Soon I would know that she lied when I asked how many sexual partners she had and she replied:

— “Only two”.

Agne pretended to be shy but is very promiscuous. She’s also very insulting, reason why, after a few days only, I would end the relationship that had barely started.

She apologized what occurred by texting me:

— “I am always evil to my boyfriends, because I can’t control myself. But I promise you, I will do what you say, and not misbehave anymore.”

Her promises never really went anywhere, and many times I tried to end the relationship again, even though she didn't allow it and would find schemes to get it back.

I felt stuck, between loving someone and dealing with her mental illness.

She kept apologizing for her behavior, while never truly changing.

I talked about it with some friends and they told me I should take responsibility for the situation. And so, I did.

I asked her if she wanted to live with me and far from the environment where I found her, that is, living in a tiny loft and sleeping in the same bed of a gay man — one of her best friends.

Her friends have no value, and I soon noticed too that they didn’t like me and were trying to separate us.

I was moving too fast into her life, and changing her too.

I tolerated their presence until I realized that she is easily manipulated by their opinion and then creates fights based on what they say. That’s when I prohibited her from meeting with Samantha, Ramune and that gay friend — Marius.

I’m not the type of person that likes to tell others what to do, but I wasn’t going to play the victim game here and be in the middle of their dramas.

She fought the idea at first, then seemed to agree, but kept meeting them behind my back, or creating fights whenever she wanted to meet them, to have an excuse to leave the house, party, smoke weed and get drunk.

I guess old habits are really hard to break.

She actually admitted creating fights on purpose, especially when I prohibited her from clubbing or getting drunk, to be able to leave the apartment against my will.

Basically, Agne refused to follow any rules whatsoever, including the simplest ones: No weed, no more than two beers a night, and no partying after midnight.

She never followed any agreements between us either. She chose to lie and do whatever she wanted behind my back.

When I noticed that she was unable to compromise, I told her the following:

— “You can smoke weed, be drunk every weekend and party with your friends, as always. You just won’t see me anymore. But then you are free to meet someone else.”

Agne wasn’t willing to either change anything or allow me to leave her life. She would always lie about what she does to hold me back, to stop me from meeting other people and find a new relationship for myself.

All her promises were just a lie. Any attempt at controlling her behavior, complaining about what she did or stoping her insults, was for her a form of suppression, or so she said.

When angry, she always repeated:

— "I do whatever I want.”

Agne was constantly insulting me, and if she couldn’t see a reaction, she would just keep doing it, as if she was dependent on the drama. And what really made me mad was that I saw a smile on her face whenever I reacted with anger.

It is difficult to determine how insane or how evil she truly is, because then, when I didn’t talk to her and ignored her, she would stay in the house, depressed, watching movies and crying alone.

She would do the same even when we traveled.

I remember that she completely wasted our vacations in Spain, by always creating fights out of nowhere and then going back to the house to cry the whole day.

The relationship with her was a never-ending rollercoaster. In the end, I could't plan anything and my life was going nowhere. I couldn’t even make plans with her because I couldn’t get agreements on anything related to our future.

Her life was going nowhere and she ended up blocking mine too. It is as if she did not want the relationship to work from the beginning.

If I told her to control herself, she would, but for a few minutes only. It's really as if her brain was always on automatic mode.

I once even asked:

— “Are you trying to create a fight?”

Her reaction was to laugh, and then proceed to actually do it. It's as if she was playing with my emotions like a game, like a psychopath.

It was like seeing different personalities in the same body as well. And I think that's why I fell for it. I wanted to believe, as anyone else, that she can act like a normal human being. And yet, it is difficult to trust someone who says:

— “I'm always thinking about what would happen if I cheated on you and you found.”

When I asked if this was a confession or a test, she denied both, saying it was a random thought. But what kind of random thought is this?

It’s not random when I compare it to many other things she told me, namely:

— "I need sex; I can’t live without sex.”

— “Most men I had sex with where ugly but I was single and I needed sex”.

Those statements made it very hard to believe that she would want to marry me, even though she actually asked me several times to offer her a wedding ring and propose.

I did offer her a gold ring on her birthday, as she wanted — the first birthday I celebrated with her — on May 2017. And when receiving it, she asked me to propose her marriage.

I did not. Instead, I told her that, if she changed, she would get that proposal on May 2018 — her next anniversary.

I wanted her to have something of value to hope for, which would motivate her to become a better person.

I was disappointed when she later said:

— “You know, in some cultures women only accept gifts in gold, so that they can have money when divorcing."

She also told me many times that she would like to have children with me, but I started to doubt her intentions when she later said:

— “I am afraid that if one day we have a baby, you won’t let me go out to party with my friends, and instead demand that I stay at home taking care of our son.”

On the 28th of June 2017, merely four months into the relationship, it was already clear that it had no future. And taking into consideration that I found condoms in her purse around this period, she had already, and most likely, cheated several times.

Her reaction when I found the condoms, was to smile and provocatively say:

— “It’s for when I am raped.”

When I told her that, if she has condoms with her and is always thinking about cheating, she should just go ahead and do it, if she didn’t already, her answer was:

— “Thanks! I will!”

We had another fight because of this, and she left the house in that afternoon.

Later in the evening, when I asked where she had been, she replied:

— "I do whatever I want, because I'm not in a relationship anymore, and I can fuck whoever I want”.

Agne always saw our fights as an excuse to have casual sex outside the relationship, and without guilt.