Deformed Heart Point E-Book

Angel Rupert

• Herausgeber: Bentockiz
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Bowing my head, I stared at the ground realizing that she was right. That was it. Even recognizing that it was just a leftover from my problematic childhood, I couldn’t seem to get past it. How could anyone truly love me when I was mean and hateful and even my own parents couldn’t find anything in me to love.

Leseprobe

Title Page

Deformed Heart Point

Impenetrable

Angel Rupert

Deformed Heart Point / 10th of series: Impenetrable / By Angel Rupert

Published 2023 by Bentockiz

e-book Imprint: Uniochlors

e-book Registration: Stockholm, Sweden

e-book ISBN: 9789198834390

e-book editing: Athens, Greece

Cover Images created via AI art generators

Table of Contents

Title Page

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Introduction

Through books we come into contact with everything important that has happened in the past, analyzing also current events and putting our thoughts together to predict the future. The book is a window to the world, acquiring valuable knowledge and sparking our vivid imagination. It is a means of entertainment and is generally seen as a best friend, or as a slave that carries together all valuable information for us. The book is a friend who stays together without demands, a friend you call upon at every moment and abandon when you want.

It accompanies us in the hours of boredom and loneliness, while at the same time it entertains us. In general, a book does not ask anything from us, while it waits patiently on a dusty shelf to give us its information, to get us out of dead ends and to travel us to magical worlds.

This may be the travel mission of our books. Abstract narration, weird or unconscious thoughts difficult to be understood, but always genuine and full of life experiences, these are stories of life that can’t be overlooked easily.

This may be the start of something amazing!

Chapter One

We didn’t have to go through the metal detector on the way out, but Stan was there to check my purse and cooler so Ian took them over to him while I sat in one of the chairs in the small waiting area with my back to the desk. I couldn’t risk Stan seeing any uncontrollable expressions on my face. Ian was obviously a better actor than I was.

By the time we got back to the apartment, it was almost eleven.

“Do you feel like eating anything, Shannon?”

“Actually, between all the passing out and throwing up, I’m starved.”

“Is there anything in particular you’d like?”

“I know this is probably stupid, and I’ll live to regret it, but could we just order a pizza?”

“That does sound good. I haven’t had pizza in a long time. What do you want on it?”

“I’m your basic cheese pizza eater,” I admitted. “Anything else ruins the taste.”

“Cheese it is. I’ll see what pizza places are close.”

“You don’t have to eat plain cheese pizza, Ian,” I said as he typed into his phone. “We could get half and half or two different pizzas. Get what you want and we can split the bill.”

“This place looks good,” he said as he tapped his phone and put it up to his ear.

“I’ll be in the bathroom,” I whispered as I quietly left the room.

Lacking the time or the energy, I hadn’t even rinsed my mouth since I’d tossed my cookies, and I knew I had to do something to make it taste less disgusting if I were going to even attempt to eat something. I wasn’t actually very hungry, not even sure I could keep anything down, but I knew Ian would be and we’d just about finished off most of the leftovers in the fridge the day before.

The pizza arrived a little after noon and we set it on the coffee table and sat on the couch. Even though I was still on my first piece when Ian picked up his third, I finally managed to down everything except the plain crust edge. I never ate that part because it was too dry and...well...plain.

Taking a drink of water, I debated about having more pizza, but wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

Finally deciding I could handle it, I reached for another piece.

In our defense, we’d tried really hard to keep our hands off each other, but after all of the stress and worry plus the hours of togetherness and seclusion from the world, all it took was an accidental touch as we both reached for the same slice...

~**~

Setting me away from him, Ian rose and quickly left the couch.

“I’m sorry, Shannon,” Ian whispered, sounding as if he couldn’t pull in enough air to actually get any volume. “I didn’t mean to go that far. I seem to have no self-control where you’re concerned.”

I could hear his total mortification and it cut right through me. Tears gathered in my eyes at the self-disgust in his voice.

“Please don’t cry,” he begged as he turned to face me. “I can’t stand the thought that I hurt you...hurt the trust you mistakenly placed in me.”

“Ian...don’t...”

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me anymore...”

“What? No! That’s not what...I don’t...stop talking like that. Everything is fine, Ian.”

“Then why do you have tears in your eyes?”

“Because you are obviously in pain over what just happened and I can’t stand to see that.”

“But I...what I did...”

“What we did, Ian,” I corrected him. “In the heat of the moment, I unbuttoned your shirt and you unbuttoned mine...it’s what we did. We’ve done that before and you know I was a willing participant.”

“But this time I actually unhooked your bra and...and...”

“And we could have gone a lot farther than that, but we didn’t. That’s all that happened.”

“It was far enough,” he muttered running his hand through his hair.

“Ian, please listen to me; I know that you have religious beliefs about sex and marriage, just like Celia does, and I respect that, but I don’t...at least, not yet. The only thing that matters to me is that I’ve saved myself for the right man...and you’re that man, so I’m fine with what just happened.”

Taking both of my hands in his, Ian met my eyes and I knew he wanted to explain something to me, but wasn’t sure how to begin. I decided to help him.

“You want to tell me why it’s so important to you that we wait, don’t you,” I said in an understanding voice.

“I do, I’m just not certain how to...what to say...exactly.”

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want to take any of this lightly,” he began in a hesitant tone.

“I don’t either,” I assured him.

“Because of the way I feel about you, I want our relationship to be a total commitment to each other and for me that translates into ‘until death do us part’. I want us to be ‘one’ like it talks about in the Bible; a commitment of heart, body, and soul to each other and only to each other, forsaking all others. I need you to know that you can trust me with everything just as I trust you with all that I am. Without that commitment, it’s simply about sex, and I want so much more than just that with you.”

“That sounds really scary,” I whispered.

“I promise I’ll do better; that I’ll be someone you can trust with everything.”

“Ian, you don’t get it. You’re not the problem...I am. Besides the fact that we don’t have the same religious beliefs, I don’t see how you could trust me with that much when I’ve been such an awful person. What if something happens and I go back to being that horrible person? I was fifteen years worth of rotten. I mean, if you look at it that way, odds are pretty good I’ll eventually regress.”

“I believe in you, Shannon.”

“I want to believe in me, too, but I know me a lot better than you do and I know that I’m not really worth it, much less worthy of that type of trust.”

“There is no way you were as bad as you’re making out.”

“It’s all true. I’m actually sugar coating it. I did so many things...so many horrible things to Dot that I mostly try to block it all out.”

“What kinds of things?”

“We spread rumors about her, like she had lice, and then put creepy crawlies in her lunch, a lot of stuff like that. When we got older, all it took was a look and a bit of name-calling like fat girl. As I said before, she never once doubted anything I said.”

“I don’t understand. That’s just not you.”

“That’s what I’m trying to get you to see...it was me and could still be me again.”

“What happened that made you do those things?”