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Become the creator of your life again! "Find the self-love that you lost as a child again" Somewhere along the way it fell by the wayside because you were just fighting for recognition and appreciation. - Self-healing with affirmations and help from the universe - Narcissism and manipulation - Fibromyalgia - Competition in the family - Learning task of letting go -
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Seitenzahl: 94
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
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Pamela Joanna Berg
From being a victim
out
into the creative power
of my life
Self-healing with the help of ☝
the Universe and Affirmations
Become the creator of your life again!
"Rediscover the self-love you lost as a child."
Somewhere along the way, it fell by the wayside because you were only fighting for recognition and appreciation.
If you've come across my book, then the universe wants you to read it and let it affect you—because there are no coincidences!
I.
My struggle for recognition and appreciation, including trauma and near-death experiences
II.
Self-healing with affirmations and help from above ☝
WHAT are affirmations or beliefs?
WHERE can I get them?
HOW do I use them?
III.
Narcissism and manipulation
How being hurt by others can make you dependent and cause you to blame yourself too.
IV.
Fibromyalgia hits menopause
And at the same time a defiant child
V.
Competition within the family
It wasn't just about being the fastest, the best, the most popular, but also the sickest (unbelievable, right?!).
In everything, everyone wanted to score points with their parents in order to receive a little recognition, praise or appreciation.
VI.
Learning task – letting go
Out of being a victim - being the creator of my life again and healing myself with the help of the universe and affirmations.
Become the creator of your life again!
I am the best example that affirmations work,
and I would like to share my knowledge and experiences with you.
---
It started when I visited a rehab clinic for the first time...
No, it didn't start there...
Then I finally started to think about myself, my life and what I had experienced...
... and think about the tips I was given along the way...
... because of my many pains and movement disorders, some of which were inexplicable to the doctors, and above all because a psychologist told me that I would define myself by performance and that I was allowed to say “no” sometimes.
---
My fight for recognition brought me traumas - one of which was only recognized long afterwards as a near-death experience.
I.
My fight for recognition and appreciation
to trauma and near-death experiences
I grew up as a city child with three siblings in a narcissistic family - without love and empathy.
I've known about allergies since I was a child.
I was still a happy, musical, sporty and bright child.
I did my training in the office.
I was also always curious and had everything explained to me.
Later I read things up myself.
I did my best in everything. I was very talented and only got jealousy from my siblings, which of course slowed me down. Until recently, I thought that working in an office was my life's work and that I would just do it all my life, or that it was even my calling.
But I just exhausted myself and fought for recognition and appreciation until I collapsed at some point.
Above all, I mostly only got the chance of a temporary employment contract.
Once I had a permanent employment contract - suddenly after 3 years the company was sold to someone else and the staff was drastically reduced. And those who had recently started working in this company were released with severance pay and a termination agreement. Sure, I was one of them.
At one job I had a 3-year contract and was told after the first year that the contract could not be extended. This even affected several employees in the company because they or we accidentally sat in civil servant seats. So they shouldn't have hired us in the first place.
But now they let us know that they had made a mistake and that we could prepare ourselves to apply elsewhere in good time and asked us to request an interim certificate.
A colleague then sued and even received a permanent employment contract. After hearing that, I also went to a lawyer. He then filed a lawsuit on my behalf - and I was full of hope and really exhausted myself during my time at work. Sure, I thought
Again, if I just do my very best, it will work out that I can stay...
Then I felt like I had caught a cold and as one cheek got bigger and the eye above it got smaller - I thought I had caught a draft.
But it didn't turn out to be a cold, nor did the swelling on my face want to go away.
So I went to the doctor with it. He then did an MRI just to be on the safe side because it turned out that it was facial paralysis.
For me and the doctors this was inexplicable - hence the MRI.
But they didn't find anything.
Today I know that it was the stress and because I had worked so hard to save my job.
My doctor then gave me medication for nerve regeneration and acupuncture. That took a while - but I was able to go back to work after a few weeks. The medication could still be continued.
About a year later - I had applied several times for other jobs and received many rejections - I still had no prospect of a new job.
Suddenly I got feverish infections several times in a row - sometimes with cold flu, sometimes with gastrointestinal flu and each time with a high fever.
Then one arm wouldn't lift anymore - I went back to the doctor. Then I got injections in my upper arm/shoulder.
I had to rest for a while because I was really exhausted.
Then, at the next visit, my family doctor sent a blood sample to the lab. EBV Eppstein-Barr virus or Pfeiffer's glandular fever was diagnosed here and I was initially put on sick leave for an indefinite period.
During that time I could hardly get up the stairs, I lay a lot and was completely exhausted after even the smallest chore.
After 5 months I was finally fit again.
When I went back to my job, it had now been filled, so I was transferred to another job for the last few months.
I also enjoyed working there - but I had already applied for several positions in my old hometown for immediately after my temporary contract expired.
A few things happened at my last job. Here, too, I had a temporary contract - this time for the duration of the job holder's parental leave. And - of course, I tried harder here again - more than necessary - because my goal was again - to finally get a permanent contract again. It could be that the job holder doesn't come back at all, I thought to myself.
Over the weekend I suddenly felt dizzy and extremely nauseous, and I couldn't lift my arm anymore, so I had to go to the hospital for a check-up.
Then high blood pressure was diagnosed. I was only 30 years young at the time.
The doctor looked for reasons for this. And because nothing could be diagnosed organically, he assumed that I had simply inherited it from my parents, who both had high blood pressure.
I had to stay in the hospital for a week to adjust my medication.
Today I know that the high blood pressure only came about because I put pressure on myself and let myself be put under pressure from outside sources.
Every now and then I couldn't breathe and turned red and hyperventilated - once a work colleague even took me to the doctor. But the doctor just diagnosed high blood pressure again. They said it was just high blood pressure, that I should relax and then it would be fine.
I had been taking my blood pressure medication regularly for 2-3 years.
Again, no one had any explanations for this.
Today, however, I know that these must have all been minor asthma attacks.
---
But I actually managed to get my employment contract extended by 1 year because I agreed to move to a position with only 25 hours.
Unfortunately, it was clear again that I couldn't stay at this job for longer than a year because the person who held the job would then come back, which made me work crazy again.
Since then I have had minor and major flu-like infections again and again.
---
I had a lot of thoughts and worries - especially because I've had a lot of absences in recent years due to illness and exhaustion - sometimes accompanied by shortness of breath and high blood pressure.
Would I still get a contract extension or even a permanent contract? But the prospects of this were not particularly good, because positions in the company where the incumbents were retiring were no longer being filled. And it was said that they only wanted to take on their trainees. So they said that was the goal.
However, after I was given hope again that my contract would be extended at another job in the company, I made a special effort because my boss asked me a few times whether I wanted to work at this or that job ( it was a larger company).
These conversations and visions gave me great hope again, so that I went into full swing again and tried even harder, I even bent over backwards to somehow keep this job. Powered endlessly...
...until one day I collapsed with a very bad case of pneumonia and a high fever. Yes, it even required a stay in intensive care in the hospital for several days.
I remember being driven to the hospital in the ambulance. My partner at the time called the ambulance because I couldn't breathe. After my examination, the emergency doctor immediately called an ambulance.
In the hospital they had tried to at least x-ray my lungs while I was sitting down, since I couldn't stand up, but that was no longer possible either. I was now so weak and no longer had the strength to sit - I immediately collapsed again.
I had a high fever - my partner at the time visited me, probably during the "hot phase" - whether things would get better for me again or not.
He had advised my parents against visiting me because they shouldn't see me like that. Also, only 1 person was allowed to visit intensively at a time.
After I was approachable again, the doctor said that I had probably gone off the rails again. But he had no explanation for my state of health.
I was in my mid-30s, and apart from the high blood pressure and the recurring infections, I was actually healthy.
The doctor told me exactly that - and that I had been lying there like an 80 year old. Completely weakened. Well, unfortunately I knew that myself.
I couldn't do anything except lie there with oxygen, gasping for air and coughing.
I remember a nurse trying to put an oxygen mask on me, but I slapped it away with my hand.
Afterwards they gave me oxygen through my nose and wanted to see if that was enough, if not they would try again with the mask. But the mask made me panic or afraid - especially about not being able to breathe.
During this crisis, which must have lasted two days, I dreamed that my parents and siblings were standing around me, crying and saying goodbye - as if they were at my own funeral.
For a few more days I couldn't even hold a cup in my hand. A nurse injected water into my mouth with a syringe and I had to let the nurses wash me. Lying there so helplessly, being so completely at the mercy of other people, was very difficult for me and I could hardly bear it. I wanted to get well again quickly.
When I was transferred to the normal ward a few days later, one of my bedmates was reading the newspaper and reading out a few obituaries. Then I said loudly: “I’m not in this!”
It wasn't until a few years later, when I saw something on TV where they talked about a near-death experience, that I realized that I had had a near-death experience.
