How to Be a Well Being E-Book

Andy Cope

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Seitenzahl: 186

Beschreibung

***BUSINESS BOOK AWARDS - FINALIST 2021 - PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND WELLBEING*** Make the Most of Every Single Day Uncertainty, instability, pressure, anxiety and now pandemic pandemonium . . . the world is hell bent on robbing us of our wellbeing. It's time to fight back. Twenty-Two Rules for Life that Just work It's time to ditch the tired, old wisdom, and take life into your own hands. We've all fallen for the mantra that 'you only live once,' but it's a big fat lie. The truth is that you get to live - really LIVE - every single day of your life. Based on the wisdom of Positive Psychology, How to Be a Well Being teaches you to: * Strive toward your true potential * Stop wasting time and start achieving * Focus on what's truly important * Rethink your thinking * Find meaning and fulfillment * Upgrade to YOU 2.0 It's time to raise your personal bar from mental health to mental WEALTH. 'Memento mori' - remember death. No more messing around. No more wasting time. A new world calls for new rules. It's time to re-focus on what's most important and to take massive strides towards your true potential. 'I forget what came before sliced bread, but whatever it was, this is better than that.' --Mylee from Swindon

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Cover

Three Authors, One Voice

A Note from the Authors

A Quick Word AboutRule Breaking

Rule #1: LIFE ISN'T FAIR (BUT THEN AGAIN, NOBODY EVER SAID IT WAS)

Rule #2: YOUR MATTER MATTERS

Note

Rule #3: CELEBRATE! YOU'RE A LOTTERY WINNER

Rule #4: REGRETS, YOU'LL HAVE A FEW

Rule #5: IT PAYS TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT MONEY AND HAPPINESS

Notes

Rule #6: SAY ‘THANK YOU’ (IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE!)

Rule #7: IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

Rule #8: SLEEP EASY

Note

Rule #9: IT'S LOVE ACTUALLY

Rule #10: LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND, NOT TO REPLY – THEN REPLY

Rule #11: WHICHEVER GOD YOU FOLLOW, KINDNESS IS THE BEST RELIGION

1. Be kind, quietly, in your head.

2. Say nice things about people.

3. Say nice things about people behind their back.

4. Practise random and anonymous acts of kindness.

5. It doesn't matter what everyone else is doing, it matters what YOU are doing.

Rule #12: NUDGE THE MACHINE

Note

Rule #13: YOUR HAPPINESS IS BIGGER THAN YOU

Note

Rule #14: BE MORE DOG

Rule #15: YOUR SMARTPHONE IS MAKING YOU STUPID

Rule #16: DITCH THE SUPERHERO CLICHÉ

Rule #17: WORK IS FOR SCHMUCKS

Rule #18: ACT YOUR SHOE SIZE

Rule #19: CARRY ON

SQUEEZING

Rule #20: BEING BUSY AND BEING PRODUCTIVE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS

Rule #21: YOU ARE MADE OF ORDINARY MAGIC

Rule #22: QUIT YOUR ‘WAIT PROBLEM’

Index

End User License Agreement

List of Illustrations

Chapter 14

Figure 14.1 The rabbit/duck optical illusion.

Chapter 17

Figure 17.1 The Career Satisfaction Matrix.

Guide

Cover

Table of Contents

Begin Reading

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How to be a WELL BEING

Unofficial Rules to LIVE Every Day

Dr Andy Cope, Jim ‘Pouli’ Pouliopoulos, and Sanjeev ‘Sanj’ Sandhu

Illustrations by Amy Bradley

This edition first published 2020

© 2020 Andy Cope, Jim Pouliopoulos, Sanjeev Sandhu and Amy Bradley

Registered office

John Wiley & Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, United Kingdom

For details of our global editorial offices, for customer services and for information about how to apply for permission to reuse the copyright material in this book please see our website at www.wiley.com.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, except as permitted by the UK Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, without the prior permission of the publisher.

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Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book are trade names, service marks, trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publisher is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. It is sold on the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services and neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. If professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the Library of Congress.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-0-857-08867-3 (paperback) ISBN 978-0-857-08870-3 (ePDF)

ISBN 978-0-857-08869-7 (ePub)

Cover design and illustration: Amy Bradley

For Kat. You always said I should, and you always believed I could. Sagapo! – Pouli

Hi family! Hi Tanya! Hi WORLD! (waves frantically) – Sanj

For Lou. Thanks for letting me travel. From travel comes adventure. And this book. – Andy

xxx

For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides …

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Three Authors, One Voice

An Englishman, a Greek/American, and a Welsh/Indian walked into a bar …

Growing up, Jim ‘Pouli’ Pouliopoulos wanted to be a science fiction writer but he listened to his dad's advice and became an engineer because, ‘You'll always have a good job, son.’

Thanks Dad!

Two engineering degrees, an MBA, and 20 years later Pouli realized he didn't want a ‘good job’ he wanted a fulfilling one, so he declared himself a ‘recovering engineer’ and he hasn't touched a drop of engineering since.

Instead, Pouli has found true happiness and success as a senior lecturer at Bentley University, which he combines with delivering ‘The Art of Being Brilliant’ in America. We figure Tony Robbins has had a good run but there's a new guy in town. Smaller and with better eyebrows, Pouli's expertise extends to all things ‘wellbeing’ so if you have a conference that needs pepping up with humour and positivity, he's yer man.

And boy is he qualified! Pouli was born to tell stories, something that shines through in his three (yes 3) TED Talks.

Pouli lives in Westford, Massachusetts, with his wife, Katherine, and a bunch of dogs. He's most proud that his three adult children listened to his advice and chose paths where they found their career calling and purpose early in life.

You can find Pouli online at www.POULI.com and on Twitter at @jimpouli.

Sanjeev ‘Sanj’ Sandhu is a one-off. Born in South Wales to English parents with an Indian origin, he was always going to be different. He studied accounting at a leading British university, worked for a couple of the biggest consulting firms on the planet, and then decided to put happiness first.

He is now thriving, working with his heroes at Art of Brilliance, spreading positivity across the world, and embracing the journey of life. Sanj delivers keynotes and workshops on themes of positive psychology, resilience, and mindset and is able to connect with audiences from age 6 to 106.

Sanj is an adventurer. Over the next 10 years he's focused on bringing ‘The Art of Being Brilliant’ to India and the Middle East but he's keen for you to know that, quite frankly, he'll go anywhere on the planet.

Sanj is 30 years younger than his white middle-aged co-authors, which gives him a different perspective as well as boundless enthusiasm, freshness, and innocence that shine through in the pages that follow. And speaking of those pages, this is Sanj's first book but get excited because he is hungry for more …

You can find Sanj at www.artofbrilliance.co.uk or follow him at @sanjeevssandhu.

In comparison with his co-authors, Dr Andy Cope has been around the publishing block. He started out as a children's author with his ‘Spy Dog’ series running to 20+ titles. Then came a crunching gear change. Andy discovered the science of positive psychology in 2001 and loved the subject so much that he began a lifelong affair with it. Twelve years later he gained a PhD in Wellbeing and after 20 years, Andy and Happiness are still going strong.

Their love child is a company called ‘Art of Brilliance’, which comprises a ramshackle bunch of wellbeing mavericks who think they can change the world. Andy and the team deliver keynotes and workshops globally and, hand on heart, believe the content to be the best in the world. The magic sauce lies in the fact that the messages from the science of human flourishing are all fairly obvious. Happiness is hidden in plain sight. Andy's job is to re-connect people with who they really are and get them to re-remember what brings joy into their life.

Just so you know, ‘Art of Brilliance’ is not-for-profit. Any money left over is ploughed into their Brilliant Schools projects. Getting young people immersed in positive psychology … that's the future, right there.

Andy is married to Louise and they have two grown-up children. The house feels empty and he misses the inane chatter of the young generation so is thinking of adopting Sanj.

You can check Andy out at www.artofbrilliance.co.uk or www.brilliant.school.

Twitter @beingbrilliant

Insta artofbrilliance

FB artofbrilliance

A Note from the Authors

This is a book for NOW because, gosh, how the world has changed! So rapidly and so dramatically.

At the time of writing we’re in the grips of pandemic pandemonium which has triggered a financial and mental health meltdown so dramatic that we’re probably going to have to redefine what ‘normal’ actually means.

Here’s the truth – the world is moving faster than human evolution. We’ve been outpaced. And as the world changes, so do the damn rules. The game of life’s difficult enough, but if you’re playing by the old rules, you’re doomed to finish amongst the also-rans.

To do more than survive – to thrive and come alive – you need to ditch the tired old wisdom.

For example: YOLO, you only live once. Really?

The truth is that you only die once. You get to live every single day. You just need to know how.

How to be a WELL BEING comprises twenty-two ‘rules’ that just are. Learn them, apply them and live by them because, best of all, they just work.

‘Memento mori’ – remember death. No more dicking around. No more wasting time. It’s time to focus on what’s most important and strive towards your true potential.

Welcome to your best life.

A Quick Word About Rule Breaking

The modern way?

He was found slumped at his computer, with his finger on the ‘Escape’ key.

Before we introduce you to our rules, there's time to squeeze in three truths and a lie.

‘Begin with the end in mind’ is classic self-help fodder. So that's where we'll start. Excuse the bluntness of the next sentence but it's truth number 1:

You're a long time dead.

Unfortunately, that sentence is not softened if you work the same information the other way. With eternity stretching into the past and present, the bare fact remains the same:

The act of ‘being alive’ is rather too brief.

In all likelihood, if we average things out, you're going to get 4000 weeks of breathing. If you're under 10, that news lands well. There's a celebratory punch of the air as you suck on your ice lolly. The same stat for the under 25s is fair-to-middling, celebrated with a ‘#4000weeks’ selfie posted to the various social media platforms. The over 50s tend to be less joyous. There's less fist pumping and more of a furrowed brow. Really? I'm gonna live for 4000 weeks? Is that all? Is that even true? (Before the day is out they will have Googled it, found it's true, and calculated how many weeks they have left.)

And there's genuine hilarity when you announce it to the over 85s. They just laugh in your face. They've used theirs up and are enjoying borrowed time. There's a twinkle. They'd do a heel click, if they could!

Our point isn't that you're going to die. We're guessing you've already worked that out for yourself. Our point is that life's a short and precious gift, so it makes sense to ensure your alive part is properly alive. You may as well do some stuff, shake your booty, and wave your arms around a bit before the music stops.

Which it will.

Because dirty little truth number 2 is that you can have a pulse but not be pulsating with life.

‘Presenteeism’ is a business word that's used to describe people who show up but go through the motions. They're logged on from 9.01 to 4.59, occupying a desk, sucking up oxygen, and drinking bad coffee, but they're not really there. Not fully.

Except ‘presenteeism’ isn't just about work. It can also apply to the rest of your 4000 weeks. Look around. There are a lot of people logged on, breathing, drinking coffee – but not many shaking their booty.

Our no-brainer of a question is therefore, if you're dead for almost all of eternity, and alive for such a brief flicker, isn't it worth making that pulse of yours race a bit? Isn't it worth putting a bit of effort into something a bit naughty, different, memorable, thrilling, or adventurous? Maybe even a little bit dangerous?

Or if that's too far, how about working at being more optimistic, hopeful, energetic, dynamic, and positive?

But there's a line to be drawn somewhere, right? We agree. You can overdo it. You'll have one or two in your circle who are smiling and ultra gung-ho, but not genuinely happy. Fake news is believable, but not fake happiness. Beware the grinogogs (an old English word for people who are so happy you want to punch them), with their faux smiles, annoying positivity, and fake silliness.

We're absolutely NOT into that. If you're annoying people with your zest for life, you're doing it wrong. Rather, we want you to take them with you on your journey. We want you to be infectious. In a wonderfully uplifting way.

Which begs the question, why are there not more of them? The infectious ones. The wonderfully uplifting human beings. The genuinely sparkling people who energize and inspire. Why is it that you can count them on the fingers of one hand?

The answer lies in human nature. We're social creatures. Pack animals. We're wired to fit into a team, tribe, clan, gang, family, community … we have an overwhelming desire to be part of something social. So, we look around at what everyone else is doing, and we copy, because when we look, sound, and behave like others, we belong. Humans crave a sense of belonging because it makes us feel safe.

Which is where it gets difficult. Safety is built into the human operating system. It's a basic need.

Our argument being that playing safe is all well and good. Fitting in is fine. But, on balance, standing out (for the right reasons) is a better place to position your 4000 weeks. And to stand out you have to dare to be different. And when you're different there's a chance of NOT fitting in!

Which leads us on to the third of our trilogy of truths:

If you're risking nothing at all, you're risking everything.

When that pulse of yours pulsates for its very final time, it won't be death you're afraid of. You're more likely to be haunted by not having truly given life a damn good run for its money. There might be adventures not adventured, hikes not hiked, laughter not laughed, dances not danced, roller coasters not roller coasted, and swashbuckling unswashed. Or unbuckled? (We're not quite sure.)

And to dare to be different you sometimes have to be a bit of a rule breaker. Or at the very least a rule bender. Or if you're feeling particularly elfish, you can ‘re-imagineer’ the rules. Which is what this book is about.

The problem with rules is just that. They've always been a problem!

In the beginning there was just one rule. God more or less told Adam he could do whatever he wanted, but ‘Don't pick the bloody fruit. Okay?’

Adam probably looked around at the orchard, and then at Eve standing there in her fig leaf. ‘What, anything?’ he asked, looking his partner up and down.

‘You got it’, assured the big fella. ‘You can have absolutely anything. But NOT my lovely red apples.’ He glared at Adam just to be sure. ‘Just one rule. No apples. IS THAT CLEAR?’

Adam nodded and rubbed his hands in glee (we're guessing, we weren't there).

And the rest, as they say, is history. Humanity's inability to resist apples was set in stone.

And ‘stone’ takes us on to Moses. With Adam messing up the first ever rule, Moses upped the ante and brought 10 of the damn things down from the mountain. On a tablet. Sure, there are some bangers in the original list and if we all lived by the #Moses10, the world would be a better place.

But here's the thing. Not only have tablets changed since Moses' day, but so has the world, and therefore so must the rules.

Just to be absolutely clear, we're not advocating that you become hell bent on breaking all of the rules all of the time. Thou shall not kill, steal, or ogle over next door's partner – these are decent rules that still have relevance in the modern world. There's also a host of more minor rules that you shouldn't mess with. For example, ‘driving in the bus lane through the centre of Derby’, even if it seems like a minor rule and even if you break it totally by accident, will still cost you £60.

To be fair to the modern world, the rules have moved on. If we take just one aspect of life – sport – the basics have stayed the same but the rules have been honed to make the game more exciting.

If you took the best soccer player from a hundred years ago and stuck him in today's English Premier League, he'd be bewildered. Not only new rules, but complex team formations, a plastic football, lightweight boots, super-sexy silky kit, a perfectly manicured pitch, and unprecedented levels of fitness. Your 1920s player would stand in his long shorts, clod-hopper boots, and flat cap, scratching his mutton chop sideburns in quizzical fashion as the game fizzed around him. If you told him there was a professional women's league he'd keel over in the mud.

That piece of kit between our ears has failed to keep pace with our environment. In evolutionary terms, you and I, we are that player. In the last decade the world has fizzed and buzzed. It's happened at warp speed. You're trying your hardest to keep up with life. In fact, the effort's exhausting you. Your brain's screaming Scotty's classic Star Trek line: ‘I'm giving her all she's got captain’ and yet the Klingons of change continue to loom on your starboard bow. Warp speed isn't fast enough. Everything's accelerating, dazzlingly neon, and super-sexy.

‘Everything’, that is, except us!

Before we introduce our one and only lie, it's worth pausing to revise the three truths we've introduced in our opening salvo:

You're a long time dead.

You can have a pulse but not be pulsating with life.

And …

If you're not risking anything, you're risking everything.

The big fat lie is that you need to work harder at keeping up. It's one of those unwritten rules that seems to have found its way into too many of us. We're lulled into comparing ourselves with our tribe, our fellow commuters, the airbrushed celebs … and working ourselves to the bone in an effort to stay relevant. Envy runs rampant in this day of social media and FOMO. If you want lower stress, less on your mind, and some of that weight removed from your shoulders, here's some BREAKING NEWS: doing the same, but harder, won't work. You'll just get more stress, more on your mind, and more weight on your shoulders.