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- Herausgeber: BookRix
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
HOW TO SOLVE CONUNDRUMS, CONTAINING ALL THE LEADING CONUNDRUMS OF THE DAY,AMUSING RIDDLES, CURIOUS CATCHES,AND WITTY SAYINGS. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1900, by FRANK TOUSEY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington, D. C. Containing All the Leading Conundrums of the Day, Amusing Riddles, Curious Catches, and Witty Sayings
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013
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How to Solve Conundrums By Anonymous
BookRix GmbH & Co. KG80331 MunichHow to Solve Conundrums
By
Anonymous
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1900, by FRANK TOUSEY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington, D. C.
How to Solve Conundrums.
What games are most played by soldiers? Hazard and picket!
How do you spell “blind pig” in two letters? P G—pig without an I!
Why is Great Britain like Palestine? Because it’s the Holy Land (whole island).
What is the difference between the earth and the sea? One is dirty, the other tidy.
Why was Blackstone like an Irish vegetable? Because he was a common tatur.
What part of your ear would be the most essential for a martial band? The drum.
High-toned—a church bell.
When is a soldier like a carpenter? When he is going to drill.
When does a farmer have the best opportunity of overlooking his pigs? When he has a sty in his eye!
Why is the letter K like a pig’s tail? Because it’s at the end of pork!
Why is a sporting clergyman like a soldier who runs from battle? Because he departs from his sphere of action.
If a Colt’s pistol has six barrels, how many ought a horse pistol to have? Give it up.
If a bee could stand on its hind legs, what blessing would it invoke? A bee-attitude!
What prevents a running river running right away? Why, it’s tied up!
What was the color of the wind and waves in a storm? The wind blue—the waves rose.
A modern spinning-wheel—the bicycle.
How can you, by changing the pronunciation of a word only, turn mirth into crime? By making man’s laughter man-slaughter!
Why are convicts like old maids going to be married? Because they go off in transports!
State the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar, and an apothecary’s boy with a pestle and mortar? One weighs a pound, the other pounds away.
Why is a rumseller’s trade a profitable one to follow? Because, by conducting it with good spirits, he has more bargains than most others, and all his drafts (draughts) are paid.
Why are two young ladies kissing each other an emblem of Christianity? Because they are doing unto each other as they would men should do unto them!
What is the best day for making pan-cakes? Fri-day!
Why am I, when prudently laying by money, like myself when foolishly squandering it? Because in either case I am—ass!
What word is it which, by changing a single letter, becomes its own opposite? United; untied.
Why, if a man has a gallery of paintings, may you pick his pockets? Because he has picked-yours (pictures)!
Why is a pair of skates like an apple? Because they have both occasioned the fall of man.
Inform us concerning the difference which exists between a soldier fighting in battle and one who has had his legs shot off? One will discharge his musket, the other mus’ get his discharge.
Who was Jonah’s tutor? The whale that brought him up!
What evidence have we that Adam used sugar? Because he raised Cain.
What is that which is put on the table and cut, but never eaten? A pack of cards.
What is the difference between a horse who, being entered for a race, is withdrawn, and one who starts in a race and is beaten? One fails to start, and the other starts to fail.
What is that thing, and the name of a bird, which, if we had not, we should die? A swallow.
What other edifice does a man sometimes carry about with him besides a sty in his eye! A castle in the (h)air!
What word it is of only three syllables which combines in it twenty-six letters? Alphabet.
If I were to see you riding on a donkey, what fruit should I be reminded of? A pair!
What flowers are there between a lady’s nose and chin? Two-lips!
O and P run a race; we bet upon O, but P wins; why are we then like the fragrant Latakiah which is given us when we ask for the homely bird’s-eye? Because it was wrong tobacco (to back O).
Why is a woman’s beauty like a ten-dollar greenback? Because when once changed it soon goes!
What part of Spain does our cat, sleeping by herself on the hearth-rug, resemble? Cat-alone here! (Catalonia).
Why is an egg like a colt? Because it isn’t fit for use till it’s broken.
Why is a fashionable woman like a successful gambler? Because she has such winning ways.
When does a lady think her husband a Hercules? When he can’t get on without his “club!”
A member of the Travelers’ wants to know what dish he must have ordered for dinner to be like one journeying to Tangier? We say he must be going to Africa see (’ave fricassee).
Why is a girl like an arrow? Because she is sure to be in a quiver till her beau comes, and can’t go off without one.
What letter in the Dutch alphabet will name an English lady of title? A Dutch—S.
When is a secret like a paint-brush? When it’s in violet (inviolate).
Why is green grass like a mouse? Because the cattle eat it (cat’ll eat it).
Why is tea more generally drunk now than a year or two back? Because, having got rid of the garroters, we are less accustomed to choke-o’-late (chocolate).
When is a superb woman like bread? When given as a toast.
There’s a word composed of three letters alone which reads backwards and forwards the same;
It expresses the sentiments warm from the heart, and to beauty lays principal claim!
Eye.
Why is it impossible for a swell who lisps to believe in the existence of young ladies? Because he calls every Miss a Myth.
Why is the isthmus of Suez like the first u in “cucumber?” Because it’s between two seas.
What Christian name, besides Anna, reads the same both ways? Hannah.
When is a cigar like a shoulder of pork? When it is smoked.
A Fiddle D.D.—A doctor of divinity who plays the violin.
Why is a whisper like a forged $5 note? Because it’s uttered—but not aloud (allowed).
What river is ever without a beginning and ending? S-ever-n.
Which is the coldest river? The Ice is (Isis).
When a boy falls into the water, what is the first thing he does? He gets wet!
When can an Irish servant answer two questions at the same time? When asked, “What o’clock, and where’s the cold chicken?” if she replies, “Sure it’s ate!”
Who was the first man condemned to hard labor for life? Adam.
What, oh! what is a kiss? A receipt given you by a lady on paying your addresses.
What herb is most injurious to a lady’s beauty? Thyme.
When does a man have to keep his word? When no one will take it.
When is a wall like a fish? When it is scaled.
Why are hogs more intelligent than humans? Because they nose (knows) everything.
Why is the French cook at the Union Club like a man sitting on the top of a shot-tower? Because they are both in a high cool an’ airy (culinary) situation!
Why does a puss purr? For an obvious pur-puss.
Talking about colts (pistols, revolvers, etc.), how is it that guns can kick when they have no legs? Why, they kick with their breeches, of course.
What plant is fatal to mice? Cat-nip!
Who were your grandfather’s first cousin’s sister’s son’s brother’s forefathers? Why, his aunt’s sisters, of course (ancestors).
What fashionable game do frogs play at—besides leap-frog? Croaky!
When are kisses sweetest? When sirup-titiously obtained.
Who was the first whistler, and what tune did he whistle? The wind—“Over the hills and far away!”
Why is a youth encouraging a mustache like a cow’s tail? Because he grows down.
What contains more feet in winter than in summer? A skating-rink.
When may you be said to literally “drink in” music? When you have a piano for tea.
If you were invited to an assembly, what single word would call the musicians to their posts, and at the same time tell you the hour to begin dancing? At ten dance (attendance).
What word is there of eight letters which has five of them the same? Oroonoko.
What is the difference between homicide and pig-sticking? One is assault with intent to kill, the other a kill with intent to salt.
Why do rusty iron spikes on a wall remind you of ice? Because they are so often called a “shiver de freeze.”
Why is a room full of married folks like a room empty? Because there is not a single person in it.
What is that which makes everything visible, but is itself unseen? Light.
