Love, Lies and Taxidermy E-Book

Alan Harris

• Herausgeber: Nick Hern Books
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

An offbeat love story about Mr Tutti Frutti, a stuffed owl and the struggle to fit in. This is a boy-meets-girl story. Son of a Polish taxidermist meets daughter of a failing ice-cream salesman at a medical-research facility in Merthyr Tydfil. First date in Tesco and things are going well. But it's difficult to fall in love when your parents need saving from themselves, their weird hobbies and the threat of a prison sentence. Alan Harris's play Love, Lies and Taxidermy was first produced by Paines Plough, Sherman Cymru and Theatr Clwyd in Paines Plough's pop-up theatre, Roundabout, at the 2016 Edinburgh Festival Fringe, before touring.

Leseprobe

Alan Harris

LOVE, LIES AND TAXIDERMY

NICK HERN BOOKSLondonwww.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents

Title Page

Original Production

Note on Play

Love, Lies and Taxidermy

About the Author

Copyright and Performing Rights Information

Love, Lies and Taxidermy was first performed in Paines Plough’s Roundabout @ Summerhall, Edinburgh Festival Fringe, on 5 August 2016. The cast was as follows:

REMY BEASLEY

RICHARD CORGAN

ANDY RUSH

Director

George Perrin

Lighting Designer

Prema Mehta

Sound Design/ Composition

Dominic Kennedy

Assistant Director

Anna Himali Howard

Senior Producer

Hanna Streeter

Producer

Francesca Moody

Assistant Producer

Sofia Stephanou

Company Stage Manager

Caitlin O’Reilly

Technical Stage Managers

Callum Thomson

Hamish Ellis

Note on Play

This play was written for any number of performers, and the lines of dialogue can be divided up as future productions see fit. However, the original production was performed with three actors.

– at the end of a line indicates the next line following on immediately.

Italics are for real-time dialogue.

Narrative dialogue is not in italics.

This ebook was created before the end of rehearsals and so may differ slightly from the play as performed

Valentyn stood motionless outside the ominous, low, red-brick building. He steeled himself, ready to enter, taking a little time to muster his courage. He knew there was no need for him to be nervous – yet he was. He tried to calm his nerves by thinking: What would Captain America, or even Thor, do in this situation? Yes, they might destroy the place but, also, depending on the plot, they might be calm and cool and just enter. One more deep breath. Val stepped forward, one foot in front of the other, a last glance up at the plastic white sign covered in plastic blue letters that read:

Biotech Medical Research Unit, Merthyr Tydfil.

It’s the 4th of October.

10.11 a.m.

A Saturday.

Exactly a week before the biggest day in Valentyn and Ashley’s young lives.

This should be a love story.

Ashley and Valentyn.

She is slightly too attractive for him.

And he knows it.

But not so out of his league that there isn’t some chance.

He knows, really, there’s no chance.

But, at the moment, on October 4th at 10.11 a.m. at Biotech–

Just outside actually–

The world is a blur for Ash.

It’s starting to drizzle.

She doesn’t get a clear image of Valentyn–

Because tears are clouding her view.

Her head feels light – she walks like a drunk coming down Glebeland Street on a Saturday night–

A drunk that wants to appear sober–

All the weight just a little too forward.

Down the steps and the concrete path and where the handrail runs out there’s a low wall.

She has to take her hand off the rail if she wants to continue moving forward.

You okay?

Yeah, I–

Have you been in there?

Yeah, I’ll be–

Here, sit.(Beat.)What did they do to you?

No, I, silly really. I’m okay now.

Are you escaping? What have you got?

What do you–

Someone I know did tests here and they wouldn’t let him leave – they gave him a dose of something, a disease, and then treated him. He wanted to go to the Spar – top up his phone. Said he couldn’t leave. Which disease have they given you? Should I be–

No, I, it was just the test.

The test whether you can have tests?

I failed. I fainted.

Why?

Needles. I’m okay now.

You’re afraid of needles and you got tested for medical trials?

Need the money.(Beat.)Thought, read up on it – fear of needles – concentrate on a spot on the wall and well, when it comes, it’s like a wave I can’t hold back.

You need money that badly?

Sorry, not trying to put you off or nothing. You going in? You going for the test? It’s fine, they’re very nice in there–

Come on. You need milk.

What?

Milk.

I’m–

Come on. You need milk.

Valentyn’s mum, Vicky, had always given him milk after any incident.

He’d once been stung by a bee and she’d given him–

Yes.

Drink your milk, Valentyn – milk has a very calming influence. You ever seen a cow have a panic attack? Course you haven’t.

Valentyn, as a kid, didn’t fit in–

More about that later–

But, now, sitting in the Tesco café with this girl–

Merthyr Tydfil is a shithole. There, I’ve said it.

You said it.

I hate Tesco.

But at least they built the store in the centre of town.

At a cost of six-point-two millions.

It’s true – at least the town centre is busy with people coming and going to Tesco.

It’s like all roads lead to Tesco in Merthyr.

A magnet.

Sells everything.

The café is cheap.

They serve milk–

Shakes.

Drink up. Put some sugar in it. Build up your levels.

Seen you. In college.

I’ve seen you.

I’ve seen you and you seen me and we’ve never spoken before.

You want another? Strawberry?

No, no, I–

Afraid of needles and going anywhere near Biotech, what were you thinking?

You got an appointment? I don’t want to–

It doesn’t matter.

Their hands were the first thing that touched.

Ash.

Valentyn.

A very British hand–

Shake.

It’s not easy being a teenager–

In Merthyr.

Especially when your name is Valentyn.

When he’s older, he’ll like the name, wear it like a badge of honour.

But for now–

A name in one country is acceptable, cool even, but in a different country it sounds a bit like a girl’s name.

You need cash too?

No. Not really.

In fact, of course, he wanted cash – even if it meant getting infected with a disease.

Aren’t you the Polish boy?

My dad is–

We must be proud of our Polish culture and heritage, Valentyn – more Poles have won the World’s Strongest Man title than anyone else.

Is that where the name comes from?

What about you?

What?

Biotech. You need–

My dad’s in loads of debt. He sells ice cream. He’s got a van–

Mr Tutti Frutti–

Yes, he’s–

Your dad is the Tutti Frutti man!?

Can’t pay his debts so he’ll probably go to prison. He thinks I don’t know, but I’ve seen the letters.

He can’t pay so they’ll send him to prison? That’s messed up.

He’ll never survive in prison but no one’s buying ice cream.

They are.

From Tesco.

Ten minutes’ drive and it’s back in the freezer.

Enjoy it at home while watching some Netflix–

I shouldn’t be drinking milkshakes here. Sodding Tesco.