No Room to Quit E-Book

Joyce Schlehuber

• Herausgeber: Inscript Books
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

Embark on an intimate exploration of a family's uncharted odyssey through the tumultuous terrain of cancer, a narrative they never imagined living, yet one they share openly with the world. This is not a script for a glossy "feature presentation film"; it is an unfiltered, real-life saga populated by genuine individuals grappling with the relentless challenges of a cancer journey. With numerous twists, turns, and emotional crescendos akin to a movie plot, No Room to Quit is a testament to the authenticity of the human experience.
In baring their souls, they aim to illuminate the often obscured facets of breast cancer, emphasizing the profound emotional toll it extracts. This isn't just a battle; it's a war against an insidious adversary. Jill, their valiant family member, fought with unwavering determination to remain with them, confronting the ugly days and celebrating the brighter ones.
Their aspiration is to resonate with those navigating similar paths, providing comfort in shared experiences. They expose the stark realities and formidable emotions that accompany the cancer journey, confronting both the highs and lows head-on. By doing so, they hope to amplify their voice, fostering a deeper understanding of advanced breast cancer and advocating for heightened awareness. For those fortunate enough to be unacquainted with this arduous journey, their story serves as a poignant wake-up call, shedding light on the untold realities of cancer's impact within families and friendships.

Leseprobe

Contents

Cover

Copyright Page

Dedication

Introduction

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Works Cited

Landmarks

Cover

Inscript Books/Dove Christian Publishers

A Division of Kingdom Christian Enterprises

PO Box 611

Bladensburg, MD 20710-0611

Copyright 2024 by Joyce Schlehuber

All rights reserved.

This true story is a sincere account based on meticulous research, firsthand accounts, and documented evidence. While every effort has been made to present an accurate and faithful narrative, the nature of recounting real-life events involves the author’s interpretation and the selection of information.

The perspectives shared in this true story are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or endorsements of the individuals involved. Every precaution has been taken to respect the privacy and integrity of the real-life events and the individuals connected to them.

No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission can be addressed to Dove Christian Publishers, P.O. Box 611, Bladensburg, MD 20710-0611, www.dovechristianpublishers.com.

e-Book Edition

Inscript and the portrayal of a pen with script are trademarks of Dove Christian Publishers.

Published in the United States of America

Dedicated to Jill’s Pink Ribbon

Medical Army

Introduction

An intruder invaded our family and targeted one person, Jill. Her body was under siege as she struggled to fight back, unwilling to give in. This would be the biggest trial in our lives so far. At times, our faith would be challenged and shaken.

Jill was born in Minnesota. She lived in the city of Wayzata with her dadandme, Joyce, her mother, for the first five formative years of her life. Her birth name was Jillene Dawn Jeske. Her dad was nineteen, and I was eighteen when she was born into our marital union. At age thirteen, she shortened her first name to Jill, showing her independent spirit as she entered her teen years. She spent her formative years achieving childhood milestones and was a happy, energetic child.

After watching the movie “Easy Rider,” her dad wanted to “broaden his horizons,” and a divorce was unavoidable. Jill and I moved to Topeka, Kansas, where Grandma Graham and an aunt and uncle welcomed us to live with them until we could re-adjust to our new circumstances. We brought life and humor into their quiet home, as most five-year-olds would. They were saints, loving and nurturing.

Jill spent the first six years of elementary school with great teachers at the Topeka Lutheran School. She made friends easily with her social personality. Jill’s faith was also being strengthened in a Christian environment, which was important to me. Those childhood years went by much too quickly, and there seems to always be some guilt for the decisions we made as parents. I hate that!

Somehow, she grew into a teenager, and we had a new understanding of each other. As a teenager, Jill enjoyed track, volleyball, softball, and the public swimming pool. Of course, there were some parties going on, which she confessed as an adult. She was more of a tomboy until she started high school. The craze in those days as a teen was to use the product Sun In to lighten hair. The girls loved it; they became blonde overnight.

As a mother, I put great effort into providing encouragement, fun, a positive attitude, and guidance. Love was always there! It was also important to instill Christian values, as I was raised with a mother of strong faith, and I admired her.

Jill went to the public Topeka High School and was involved in a work-study program. She once stated that she loved earning extra spending money while receiving high school credits. Early on, she had a strong spirit, was enthusiastic, social with peers, responsible, and had math ability. She was easy to raise except for a few teenage struggles. These things always pass. Neither of us were perfect people, as none of us are.

She had two great friends in high school, Bretta and Carol; they were inseparable. One of their favorite activities was basking in the sun with baby oil on the flat roof of Bretta’s house. The three had to scale Bretta’s dad’s radio tower to reach their sunning destination. Carol stated they did some “goofy things,” all in the name of fun. They are dear to my heart. Those friendships helped school to be enjoyable. One of the highlights of her senior year was the purchase of a secondhand, well-used Ford Mustang. It was cool to her; nothing else mattered.

Obtaining a formal education was important to me in order to carve out a secure and bright future for us. After studying diligently for six years receiving grants and loans, I reached my goal and became a licensed social worker for the State of Kansas. Those years were not soft years for either of us. Two major things I was thankful for after my education: an improved quality of life (I could purchase a car that did not backfire or need as much oil as it did gasoline), and everything was not an economic crisis.

After high school, Jill had a brief, turbulent marriage that ended in divorce. After the divorce, her life improved greatly. She loved motherhood and raised two sons. Jill’s stepdad and I helped to raise her boys for ten years, which we enjoyed. She secured a career with Sprint Telecom and remained there for nineteen years.

She met the love of her life, Jimmy Paulsen, and they developed a loving relationship. After a three-year romance, they married on June 8, 2001. Jill joked with him and asked, “Why did you wait so long?”

Acknowledgments

Our family extends our heartfelt gratitude to each and every awe-inspiring medical professional who gave us four-and-one-half years with Jill after her second cancer diagnosis. They gave us 1,642 days for our family to make lasting, beautiful memories with Jill, which remain in our hearts forever. Precious are the hands of those who heal and/or extend the lives of others!

We honor each and everyone who helped Jill and our family on this difficult breast cancer journey in our darkest hours. I pray that this book will be a message to the dedicated health care professionals who strive to improve the quality of life for patients and prolong life. The professionals were profoundly amazing.

Families do appreciate you and value your care given to their loved ones. Please do not give up when feeling overwhelmed; humanity needs you and depends on your professional care and life-giving support. Lives matter; you deserve praise and great respect for your outpouring of life-giving care. Your commitment is to be commended. We will never forget you.

We are grateful to Pastor Daniel Berg, who compassionately attended to the care of our souls in our deepest need and darkest moments while Jill was in hospice. He officiated an uplifting, beautiful Memorial Service of Jill’s life, capturing her essence. His scripture messages and his peaceful presence gave strength amidst our heartache. Our family will be forever grateful for his empathy, kind words, guidance, and prayers. He is truly an inspiration to our family and honored Jill in a poignant manner.

Many thanks to my friends who provided guidance, support, editing, and critical examination to make sure the story was understandable. These dear people are Rhonica and Michelle Sheng, Carmen Johnson, Barb Boucher, and Miriam Turner.

I benefited from all who read and commented on the drafts of the manuscript and appreciated their assistance.

A huge thank you to my husband, who impatiently waited for me to get off the computer and fix a meal.

We appreciate all Jill’s friends who called, sent gifts and cards, brought special lunches while she was in the hospital, and visited her. Janet, Patty, Mary, Deborah, and Terry, your faithfulness to Jill was heartwarming. Thanks for staying in touch with me; I am grateful for all of you!

And praise to Christ for his guidance and the massive effort He brought forth in the oncology team to give us the 4-1/2 years with Jill after her diagnosis.

Our wholehearted thanks, our profound gratitude and appreciation!

Jill and Family,

Important Note:

The information in our story is Jill’s unique breast cancer journey. The content is our family’s personal experience. We learned invaluable information from the many medical professionals, which we shared as we understood. Always consult with your oncologist and follow their protocol. If you have questions regarding the information we shared, consult with your medical treatment team. My credentials are Retired Master Social Worker in the mental health field. We share insights from our authentic and emotionally charged family journey while walking with Jill to support her.

Chapter 1

Heartless Intruder

January 2016

The heart of Jill’s story is her quest for survival while enduring struggles with a relentless, intrusive predator. She is fighting against the attacks of a tormentor. Our family faced fear as it was smack in our faces. We expose our genuine, intimate family dynamics as we are confronted with a tidal wave of adversities and emotions. The story is true and brutally honest as we share our private walk with Jill in her battle against her antagonist.

Her body is fighting the attacks of an assailant who wants to devour her. The clock is ticking, and we are in a race against time. Our family is conflicted with mixed emotions as we are going to face tough decisions. The stakes are high, and the cost could be her life. Her adversary changed the trajectory of our family’s lives.

Our lives were torn apart on a wintry January day in a Kansas health care center. Our predictable family unit would be forever changed. As family members stood with Jill, we learned the nature of her back pain, which had been a bother for six months. We aim to leave footprints of our journey to benefit others as we transport individuals through our reality.

Jill was introduced to the love of her life, Jimmy, by a couple; the guy was a friend of Jimmy’s, and the wife was Jill’s friend. When describing Jimmy, the wife said, “He’s a big guy, six foot, four inches tall.” They had many things in common; both were only children, had absent fathers, were beach vacation lovers, had successful careers, were raised with good values, and had warm energy. They took time to get to know each other and enjoyed the good life. I thought they were reserved for each other, and their marriage was enviable.

Jimmy was a connoisseur of food and drink; they appreciated eating at quality restaurants and ordered the “whole enchilada”: drinks, appetizers, entrée, and dessert. Both enjoyed concerts, movies, traveling, resort vacations, the ocean, and events at the T-Mobile Center. They were compatible in many things; they made each other laugh, had fun, and tasted life together. The most beautiful thing that happened was they fell in love. Jill’s sons liked Jimmy; he was good-natured, fun-loving, generous, and active with them. I believe they loved each other to the fullest.

Parts of No Room to Quit play out in the Greater Kansas City Metropolitan Area, a bustling, congested bi-state area consisting of Kansas City, Kansas, and Kansas City, Missouri. Many other cities are included in this metropolitan area with outstanding restaurants, coffee shops, parks, concerts, plenty of entertainment options, and great health care. In January, the morning frost is on the grass.

Jill was employed in customer service at the Sprint World Headquarters Campus, an American telecommunications company in the Kansas City Metro area. Jimmy was employed by a large trucking firm as a Manager and Coordinator of Repairs. Both were hard-working employees with demanding careers in which they solved problems all day at work.

Jill would say, “We didn’t talk to each other on Friday nights” because they were both too exhausted. They ordered take out and reclined for the remainder of the evening to recover and regain their energy for their upcoming weekend. Jill often stated that they were too tired to do anything but put their feet up and relax from the pressures of the week. As a mom, there was always concern about the long hours both worked.

They were married in 2001 in Las Vegas at the Mandalay Bay Wedding Chapel. It was an exciting destination for a wedding, filled with ambiance. Our family flew out together with their best friends who stood up with them; his parents, grandmother, and Rob, another best friend, attended. Jill asked her sons to walk her down the aisle in their dashing tuxedos.

It was an intimate, formal event, with gorgeous white lilies arranged across the front in huge decorative vases and a photographer on site. Jimmy thought the wedding officiant rambled a bit, and she did. Jimmy looked handsome in his tux, and Jill elegant in her gown. Jill and I cried tears of joy as our emotions flowed. A wonderful dinner was served with the best sweet-tasting wedding cake ever (Mandalay wasn’t giving out the recipe).

We all stayed at the Luxor Hotel, an Egypt-themed resort with a pyramid shape. Outside of the hotel was a Sphinx, an Egyptian mythological creature, and a replica inside of King Tut’s tomb. It was an intriguing hotel with beautiful architecture. Her sons, Josh and Tyler, wanted to see the Coca-Cola Store at the very end of the strip. We walked until my feet and toes were screaming. Jill had warned us to “Bring your most comfortable walking shoes.” It was an unforgettable experience.

Fast forward to 2016 and fifteen years of marriage when Jill’s aggressor invades our lives. Our family is not defenseless; God hears our SOS cry (Save our Ship), and we are depending on Him to rescue Jill. We faced fear; it was staring us in our faces. This is essentially what we as humans are afraid to face—death, and others are afraid to face life. She has an inner enemy, and we wondered, what’s next? I prayed for God to give us strength for what lies ahead.

They lived in a nice, red-tiled roof neighborhood with manicured yards. It radiated middle class, and they worked hard for it. The houses were fairly close to each other, with soft, earthy tones and underground sprinkler systems. Once, I parked too far up on a neighbor’s lawn, and he soon came out. Before he called the yard police, I parked elsewhere. I feared that maybe I drove over their sprinkler system and would be sued. Another something to worry about. At one time, we had the perfect July Fourth viewing of fireworks. We sat on their deck, watching the high school display across the road.

In between the struggles with Jill’s adversary, the couple tried to maintain their work schedules and family responsibilities. Weekends for Jill and Jimmy included yard work, gardening for Jill with her knockout fragrant pink and red roses, gentle lavender balloon plants, pink cone flowers, and beautiful hibiscus trees. The two might see a movie or dine out; there was the usual shopping, the required mundane household chores, and caring for their beloved pet, Winston, the dog.

Jimmy would normally receive calls from work about issues only he seemed to be capable of resolving. Jill said, “He’s a quick thinker,” so the calls were usually short with little frustration. He was sometimes exasperated and annoyed with too many calls in a short time period; his face would get sun burn red. Normally, he was even-keeled and had a calm temperament.

Jill desired to tell her story to help others who may learn from our trials. She believed she had a duty to share her fight, hoping her story would connect with others in a meaningfulway. We both expressed that shared experiences impact others and may have immeasurable value. Jill said, “I feel the need to speak up about my assailant.”

The story is not just based on true events; it is a true story based on eyewitness accounts, as I penned her story in the moment, and memories were recollected to complete the story. It is not light and fluffy but brutally honest to make an impact.It has many uplifting family times with laughter and positive messages. We wanted to make fun and lasting memories to hold onto, reminisce, and reflect upon. The story is the naked truth, authentic and not a soft focus, but the honest path of our family’s intimate walk with Jill in her battle against her antagonist.

We also share beautiful memories of life, the perseverance of the human spirit, and the iron will to survive. We captured life and the vulnerability that difficulties in life create. Challenges fuel us to develop patience, endurance, strength, humility, and deeper faith. God is in or story. In a personal crisis, who doesn’t turn to God? Atheists and heretics, I suppose.

We gave up our family privacy as we faced an opponent who was heartless in the pursuit of Jill. We needed to get this intruder identified and subdued. The antagonist trespassed into our entire family; Jill was the main target and under siege. This adversary took our family on an unpredictable path. She confronts her hostile predator with her inner tactical gear of defiance, independent spirit, strong attitude, and tremendous courage. A friend said, “Her bravery was admired by those who knew her.” She fought with every ounce of her being.

This menacing predator was attempting to “sink its jaws of death” into Jill. It was on a power trip to take control and had its own relentless agenda. There was no negotiating or compromising; the primary objective was domination over her life. The intruder had a complex, intricate, and unforeseeable plan. One could not reason with this culprit, as it created many momentous days with its calculating plan. There seemed to be no hiding place, but Jill did not cower in a corner. She was ready for the fight of her life.

Our entire family was scared to death and distressed by this adversary. We just wanted the truth to be revealed and for the ominous, dark feeling to go away. This assailant will soon learn it does not have free reign for long; it is just a matter of time before the complicated puzzle will soon be clear. We will soon learn the name of this ominous enemy.

A formal clinical investigation unveiled this predator. The team was like a Criminal Task Force, except it consisted of an A+ medical team who embarked on a “rescue mission” to “break loose the jaws” of this enemy and defend her. A multidisciplinary treatment team of medical professionals would be fighting her aggressor. We now had allies on our side who would fight with her and clear proof of what was happening; the truth was discovered. The bad guy was identified and labeled. Her aggressor is an illness that is attacking her entire body and needs to be destroyed.

On a typical January day in Kansas, Jill had an appointment with an oncologist and a radiation oncologist, both of whom were new to her. This day came with fear and trepidation, as she did not know what to expect. The attractive, blond oncologist stepped into the small, sterile patient room. She looked to be in her thirties and wore what appeared to be a high-end dress and fashionable high heels; my eyes went to her bandaged heels.

There was no doctor’s professional white coat, nor did she wear scrubs. We had no idea what hospital dress protocol required. Besides her stylish appearance, she appeared confident, strong, and assured, just what we wanted in a doctor. Jimmy arrived just before we were ushered into the appointment room. Gloom was in the air, and the oncologist’s face said it all; it was like a siren.

After a comprehensive evaluation was completed by the oncology treatment team, the intruder was identified and given these titles or labels, all meaning the same: HER2-Positive Breast Cancer, Stage IV Breast Cancer, Metastatic Breast Cancer (METS) or Bone Metastasis, the cancer had traveled to her bones. “Metastatic” in the dictionary means “invasive and uncontrolled growth.” The diagnosis made for a horrible, dreadful, and depressing day. I said, “Father God, help us.”

The oncologist informed us that breast cancer spreads to the bones more often than other parts of the body. It can also spread to the lungs, liver, brain, and other organs. I thought it would be called bone cancer; the medical team explained that it spread from the point of origin, which was the breast. When asking for prayer from our church, my comment was, “Jill has bone cancer,” and then, as I learned more, that was not the case. Our hearts did not want to hear this devastating and traumatic information. This day was not going well; I would have liked to skip it all together.

We learned just how defiant cancer can become as it unfolds in its own way and time. Cancer is a thief and steals! Jill and I calculated God in our plan of defense and believed Him to be more powerful than a diagnosis. Our anchor was relying on faith and trust in Him. Life on earth was shaky, but we needed to stand firm. Emotional overload, help!

The attractive oncologist continued to “cut-to-the-chase” and poured out her gifted intellect in describing Jill’s breast cancer disease. More sad and traumatic news of the day was revealed. We learned there was a three-inch mass on her spinal column, and thirteen more tumors had spread to her bones in several different areas. We sat wide-eyed in bewilderment. It was hard to breathe, and I felt a wave of nausea. This puts one in a “mood.”

This accounted for the severe back pain she had experienced for the last six months. This medical information was swirling around in our heads. One can expect a stress headache and anxiety. Who wants to face these facts? Our family was definitely caught off guard! I thought it must take great energy to walk around with all these tumors and a mass; these were not small tumors. Our poor, sweet Jill. The news reached our souls; it was sobering. I wanted to “shut the world out.” The message was loud and clear.

The diagnosis was challenging, confusing, scary, and difficult to ingest and digest. As her mother, I would have traded places with her in a moment. It became a crisis for the whole family. Not knowing what will happen is difficult. My questions: Are we going to have to live life without Jill? What will this disease do to her?

It all sounded so grim and dark, and the words cut into the heart. “Malignant” is an awful term and it usually means death; this creates distress, a host of emotions, and questions. “Are we going to face death? Why couldn’t we hear ‘benign tumors’ instead of the big C word?” No one wants to be in this classified group. My heartrate tripled.

Our world came tumbling down and fast. I knew Jill would put up a heroic fight; that’s her nature. She is strong and resilient. God is her defender and will provide an escape. That is His nature. Now what?

LISTEN TO HOPE’S OPTIMISTIC VOICE; IT IS GOLD.

We had faith, which translates into hope for a medical breakthrough in the search for a cure and remission with all the advances and progress in breast cancer research. Hope is a profoundly strong “state of mind” or concept, and our family had a hopeful outlook. With hope, one does not feel utterly powerless.

Jill chose not to surrender to her new set of circumstances. We knew God was in our equation to deal with the struggles ahead. Still, my blood was racing, and my heart was pounding. Our faces were all sad, and I’m sure we looked fearful. I think we all needed to be sedated.

All emotions are shaken by a cancer diagnosis. Anger and resentment came next, which can turn one to stone if you let them linger. Most likely, our entire family had these emotions, which were just under the surface. We still have things to look forward to as a family, and we were all committed to supporting Jill. We all desired to make the most of our family traditions and gatherings.

I thought Jill seemed to be unrealistically handling her new circumstances with great strength. She had strong coping methods in the past when confronting adversities; this was a crisis, and her future was at stake, and the stakes enormous. I did not believe she was avoiding the serious nature of her illness; maybe she needed more time to digest all the devastating news.

Jill channeled her energy into following the treatment teams’ breast cancer protocol and taking care of her health. Her mindset was on healing, regardless of the stage 1V breast cancer. We had a new appreciation for life. One realizes every day is precious and is a gift; cancer reinforces this idea.

BE WILLING TO FIGHT. PREPARE FOR BATTLE. ENGAGE … FIGHT

Jill went into battle mode, put on her armor, and carried her weapons of strong resolve, feisty attitude, faith, and resilience. In her passion to fight, she approached her illness with the intent to challenge cancer. The experience forced our family to learn what was truly important in life, and our inner strength kicked in for this life-threatening situation.

At times, as a mother, I felt crushed and, at the same time, felt a requirement to be strong. Our dilemma had a way of changing our perspective on life for the patient and family. This was an abrupt departure from her stable life as wife, mother, daughter, nana, friend, and her Sprint career.

There were many heartwarming moments, as well as heartbreaking times along the way. Thankfully, we met several beautiful people who uplifted us with their support and kindness. We found compassion, empathy, and benevolence to be beautiful acts of humanity, and Jill was on the receiving end. The world needs more of these kind acts toward one another.

Jill’s breast cancer is not a formula or indicator of another’s breast cancer walk. Each journey is different. We learned each person is different, reacts differently to chemotherapy drugs, and that there are various types of breast cancers. Affecting a breast cancer outlook are differences in tumor sizes, whether lymph nodes are affected, DNA mutations, a woman’s age, and if breast cancer is caught early.

Other factors include lifestyle, healthcare disparities, behaviors that increase the risk of breast cancer, and how one deals with stress. Please do not think that your journey will be the same asinJill’sstory; each cancer journey is unique, although there are likely some commonalities.

This unwelcome cancer invasion entered our world and would attempt to unravel our family. Cancer doesn’t care who you are, where you live, or your age. The disease couldn’t care less that Jill had a good marriage, two sons, two small granddaughters who adored her, loving parents, friends who enjoyed her, and a good job. It did not consider that she gave back to life with a positive attitude or that she had future plans and places to explore with her partner. Cancer cares only about its own agenda.

Now, this force could be reckoned with by way of powerful chemotherapy drugs, radiation, clinical trials, a comprehensive oncology health care team, or a multidisciplinary treatment team. Cancer would take our family down a path lined with unforeseen events, obstacles, challenges, and heart-stopping moments. I said, “Cancer is most certainly one of the world’s cruelest illnesses.” My old habit of biting my lips resurfaced, but I’m not chewing my nails yet.

There was a positive side of cancer: it was a remarkable teacher about chemotherapy, radiation, clinical trials, treatment teams, adversity, strength, the human spirit, feelings, life, love, faith, people, and the irrepressible spirit to survive.

CANCER HEIGHTENS ONES SENSE OF LIFE.

Our family tried to keep its equilibrium by maintaining traditional celebrations, where the family kept life somewhat normal by enjoying being together to balance the stress from the ongoing medical dilemma or plight. Our desire was to keep our family as stable as possible. Jill didn’t want to scare the little people in our family.

We wanted as little disruption for the three kiddos in our family, so gatherings were pretty normal. Jill led the way with an “optimistic mindset,” focusing on getting beyond her diagnosis and living in hope every day; of course, there were moments of doubt. I was unpleasant to be around.

From the beginning of her diagnosis, she displayed her boldness to defy cancer and was determined to live! Facing challenges head-on was her “modus operandi,” her way of handling issues in life. She seemed to mature earlier than others who have not experienced a divorce and a broken family, especially since she accepted some responsibilities earlier than children who have both parents. A one-parent family just simply cannot be available as much as a two-parent family, and a child grows up too fast.

The previous oncologist treated her for ten years after her first breast cancer in 2006. He recommended physical therapy for six months for her severe back pain; he thought it was back muscle pain. EXCUSE ME! Could you please explain? The therapy did not alleviate her back pain. She attempted to make another appointment with the oncologist to see what else he would recommend to help.

She had difficulty trying to make another appointment, and more time elapsed. Jill was informed that her oncologist had left the medical facility to start his own practice. My questions: “Why did he not order a scan for her persistent back pain?” Was the lab to blame?” I wanted to harm someone.

Some unspeakable thoughts did work on my brain. My cynical nature was still alive and well. Life is not currently enjoyable. This doctor was responsible for ten years of checkups; his job was to be aware of signs of cancer recurrence. A tide of resentment is rising and does not help my mental health or peace of mind. I need to put this out of my mind; it has no redeeming qualities.

The new oncologist was a specialist and Board-certified in internal medicine, medical oncology, and hematology. She immediately ordered more scans. What more could one ask of a doctor? The oncologist was cerebral yet very personable at times. We learned that breast cancer, which spreads to the bones, can set a patient up for further bone issues because cancer weakens the bones, and fractures can happen. She would be given chemotherapy medicines and bone infusions to strengthen her bones and prevent injuries such as fractures. We learned that a fractured bone may not heal and may lead to infection.