Only the eagle knew the way for them E-Book

Karl Heinz Valtiere

• Herausgeber: novum publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 272

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

In 1984, in the middle of the Cold War, two people meet in no man's land on the zone border and immediately recognize that they are meant for each other. But the unrelenting regime of the novel's hero, a Stasi agent of the GDR with a so-called "Romeo mission", abruptly and definitively dashes all hopes and mercilessly makes him pay for the failure of his mission in the FRG. Without any hope of seeing his beloved wife again, only the thought of revenge keeps him alive until he is released at the end of the GDR, but this stands in the way of a new chance for the couple after the fall of the Wall. It would now take the intervention of a higher power to reunite the two.

Leseprobe

Foreword

In 1984, still in the midst of the Cold War, two people meet in no man's land on the zonal border and immediately realize that they are meant to be together. Before they find each other, however, they are abruptly and definitively torn apart by the balance of power and human arbitrariness, forcing both to bury their dreams of a future together. While one struggles to survive, the other has to make do with a substitute life. Eight years later, after the fall of communism, there is theoretically another chance for them both. But in the meantime, they have taken very different paths to get out of their crisis and stop suffering from unfulfillable hope. And both have become different people in an epochally changing time. It would now take the intervention of higher powers to reconnect their two fates, if they really still want to, if the vendetta one of them has begun does not destroy any new hope and if they trust each other enough.

Chapter 1

Mölln, February 1991

There was even a disco in Mölln.

After dinner together, he had taken his leave of his colleagues early, with the universally accepted excuse that he urgently needed to get some fresh air because of a headache. With a slightly mocking smile, the girl at the reception desk of the conference hotel had then told him about the "Star Light" and explained how to get there.

Warm, golden light surrounded him as he walked out of the cold, wet darkness of this Tuesday evening in February 1991 and entered the surprisingly cozy bar. He strolled past the seating areas and the still empty dance floor to the bar and clearly sensed the suspicious vigilance of the local guests and staff in front of and behind the counter. He had always felt like this recently. He obviously no longer belonged in nightclubs. Now they probably thought he was someone from the public order office or a lost stranger from the expensive hotel by the lake. And yet he, Stefan Bergner, was quite respectable at the age of 36, with his tall, slim figure, his intellectual face and his full head of black hair. Nevertheless, despite his self-calming, the unease was back. It drove him into the corner booth of the bar, which was artfully arranged and angled, but with a good view of the entrance and dance floor. After all, he didn't want to stay long.

The restaurant slowly filled up. They probably all knew each other and stood around in small groups. Two teenagers were struggling on the dance floor, which nobody seemed to notice. The music was mainstream; they were mixing the latest hits with oldies from past decades. In his safe corner, he began to feel comfortable in the role of an uninvolved observer after the second beer. His thoughts once again took stock: wasn't it good for him to be on the head of department course at a top federal authority at such a young ageand to have a pretty wife at home?

His gaze lingered once again on the tall blonde with the expressive, slightly slanted eyes, who was standing to his right at the bar with two young men. When he had suddenly turned in her direction earlier, he had briefly noticed her scrutinizing gaze. Her distinctive, lightly tanned face without make-up, her tall, slim figure and the superior calm with which she spoke and moved were striking. Estimated to be in her mid-twenties, she had more charisma than the other, somewhat colorless women here. She clearly wasn't trying to attract men and was more of an accidental surfer on the wave of their attention and secret desires. With her white jeans, into which she had tucked her royal blue polo wool sweater, her natural blonde, slightly wavy and half-length hair, one could have assumed that she was a sailor who had strayed here with her ship's boys. No, even if she was, she wasn't for him, probably too arrogant, and women weren't his thing now anyway. But he liked the music more and more, he ordered another beer and swayed slightly to the beat.

"Hello Karsten, you're back in town?"

He froze, turned to the side, she was standing next to him and she meant him. It was like one of his nightmares from school: he was thrust into a theater scene in progress and had to play a role he had forgotten. Her eyes studied his face coolly and questioningly; they were amber-colored, as he perceived in the spotlight of the bar. He felt a tingling sensation on the back of his neck and two filmstrips raced through his head at the same time. Either: regrettable mix-up, a few more polite words, certainly a hopeless attempt to make something of the situation, because the way she asked, she was clearly not interested in new male contact.Or: let the ball drop, you could always go back later. "Yes, I'm here again," he replied, stretching a little. The die was cast.

Thank God she kept talking: "I was wondering, do you still know me?"

"Yes, yes, I was just wondering..." "Jessi," she added to help him along.

"Yes, Jessi, I was just thinking about it when I saw you standing there - it's been a long time."

"What are you doing, you must have been away for eight years?" she continued to ask.

"Training course, over at the Panorama-Seehotel. I've just got a new job in a ministry in Bonn," he replied with some pride.

"I think you studied business administration." He nodded and added: "And also some law, and you?"

"I've more or less stayed here, I work as an MTA in the rehabilitation clinic, but maybe I'll see you later," she told him and turned away abruptly.

For over an hour, she didn't give him a second glance. He had been thinking about his strategy, but was so confused that he had hardly got any further than the realization that he had a lot to ask her. The intro toBrothers in ArmsbyDire Straitswas just starting when he was interrupted in his thoughts.

She had broken away from her group and he saw her walking towards the dance floor. She paused at the edge, then half-turned and looked in his direction. It's now or never, he thought, walking over to her and leading her onto the dance floor. She immediately claspedhis shoulders with her hands. "I'm glad you remembered our song," she said in his ear and pressed herself against him. He felt dizzy.

She drove a small, red Citroen, which she later used to take him to the hotel. He had learned a lot about her and "his" past because she was visibly thawing out. Almost exactly seven years ago - she was 19 at the time - they had been very much in love for about three months. She had broken up with him because of his pathological jealousy and had later been married to a doctor in Hamburg for four years. Now she enjoyed her independence, as she emphasized.

The outside lights from the foyer of his hotel shone through the front window onto her beautiful face. She was so naturally unaffected and radiated a form of feminine dignity he had never encountered before that he felt he was sitting next to a queen.

"I'll see you again, maybe tomorrow evening?" he asked.

She didn't answer at first and then looked at him impassively. "You've softened up, you're no longer so rigorous," she stated incoherently for him and added after a short pause: "Yes, I'll pick you up here tomorrow evening at seven o'clock, we could go for a meal." She started the car again. He didn't have a chance to kiss her goodnight.

Sleep was out of the question that night. First there was euphoria, which then succumbed to sobriety. It was the first time in his marriage that he had gone astray, and this affair was also a blind flight. But this woman fascinated him in her changeability between proud distance and uninhibited strength of feeling. The encounter was more than just a coincidence and he didn't want to let go of the thread that fate had unexpectedly played into his hand. Onlyif he kept going would he keep his options open, and quitting seemed cowardly to him.

xxx

The group work and the two presentations at the leadership seminar the next day passed him by as if in a dream. He canceled his dinner, changed his clothes and then walked up and down the driveway in front of the hotel to meet her there. She arrived almost on time and, at her suggestion, they drove to a disused windmill that had now been converted into an osteria.

The initial amused aloofness in her versatile eyes gave way to a lively, radiant gleam as they became more and more involved in conversation. She expressed her views in a few measured words, crystal clear and unaffected, without the contemporary, meaningless slogans; she didn't need to put on an intellectual show. She obviously read a lot. He spontaneously took her slender but strong right hand in his and stroked it gently, which she allowed to happen. She showed surprisingly little interest in the facts and successes of his life. She was obviously familiar enough with the usual showcase of her no doubt numerous male admirers. She was more interested in his attitude to life and his individual goals, which he had set himself and whose logic she questioned.

Only once did he falter when she asked him why he had never contacted her again after his last, so touching phone call and then immediately deregistered in Hamburg.

"You were so angry with me at the time because of my jealousy that I thought it was pointless. I had to leave Hamburg and wanted to start again. But it still hurt," he said, getting himself out of a tight spot.

She seemed to like the answer. She had obviously also been very attached to their relationship, but thankfully did not continue this subsequent discussion about their break-up. He was then able to relax again. Slowly, the aftermath began to take shape in his mind's eye as she took him by surprise again:

"You're married, aren't you? And from what I gather, you have children too."

He had expected the subject, but not so inevitably. His expression lost its commitment and he only replied with "Yes and no, no children" while holding her gaze.

She didn't say anything more about this and took the conversation back to its old course. Had she wanted to show him a boundary with her statement?

When they were back in the car, he realized that the critical point had been reached. Because once they had returned to the hotel, she would drive home. He noticed that she was slower, more hesitant than yesterday, getting ready to drive away. When she leaned over to put the ignition key in the lock, he just said "Jessi". She paused, turned towards him and he cupped her face with his hands.

"I want to tell you so much, Jessi," was all he could manage.

"You don't have to tell me anything," she whispered and placed her index finger on his lips. From then on, everything was easy.

She took him to her elegant condominium and they didn't even have a drink to maintain a frame. His hands trembled as he unbuttoned her red knitted dress. She hugged him reassuringly and pulled him close. A soft smile was now on her girlish face. As he surrendered to her silent gentleness, time stood still.

He left late at night. He didn't want her to have to go out again and she gave him directions back to the hotel. He should call her about a meeting tomorrow evening because she had an appointment with her mother.

His senses were alert as he searched his way through the cold outside. The dark houses radiated a comforting warmth, and he felt something like gratitude for this city. He was happier than he had been for a long time. This multi-faceted woman held the key to an unknown chamber within him and his thoughts began to integrate her into his world. His ministry also had a branch office in Hamburg; perhaps he could arrange his transfer there. It was only much later, as he lay in his hotel bed, that her spell slowly loosened. Heike regained her place in his mind. He dozed off into a restless sleep.

xxx

Thursday was the last day of the seminar, which was sweetened in the morning with a trip for the course participants on a West German customs boat on the Elbe. During their boat trip from Boizenburg to Bleckede and back, the participants were given a vivid account by the captain of the tense encounters between West German customs boats and the GDR border security and guard boats along the zonal border running through the middle of the Elbe. Everything had only just become history and only the observation towers on the east bank of the Elbe, which had not yet been demolished, reminded us of this chapter.

After returning to the conference hotel in Mölln and the final round of discussions in the late afternoon, he quickly bought a bouquet of flowers in the town, salmon roses with blue anemones and white autumn asters. He was only able to reach her by phone at around eight o'clock and they arranged to meet atin a bistro on the market, which she had already told him about yesterday.

She was already there when he arrived. He kissed her on the forehead and gave her the flowers, which obviously suited her taste. They drank red wine and talked at length about what they had experienced during the day. It seemed as if everyone wanted to keep the conversation away from the approaching farewell for as long as possible. He wanted to see them today neutrally and as unemotionally as possible in order to perhaps discover some consoling disadvantages. But he found nothing. Instead, the realization that she was far too important to him for just a place in a game grew stronger. So he took heart and told her the truth about himself, that he loved her and wanted to do everything in his power to see her again.

She didn't say anything at first, just looked at him with a petrified face. He kept talking, trying to make his actions plausible and get her back.

"You would have seen your Karsten as a different person now anyway and would have been facing a new beginning after such a long time," he finally appealed to her.

At last she said something again: "But a person becomes someone else for me when they simply discard their identity, which was once very closely linked to me. If you had been honest, I might have loved you as much as I loved Karsten back then, or even more, no matter what future we both had."

Her expression was now full of disapproval as she leaned forward and looked at him: "You've probably become manipulable on your career path to success, and now you think you have the right to manipulate other people yourself. That's what separates us. My Karsten wouldn't have been able to do that, by the way." The baton was broken.

She looked right through him as she wished him good luck for the rest of his life and stood up. He tried to hold her back, but her ironic, almost icy gaze told him it was futile. He should never have lied to his queen, he realized.

"And thank you again for the beautiful flowers," she threw back as she walked away. Much later, it was a small consolation to him that she had at least kept something from him.

xxx

The following Friday, the EuroCity train from Hamburg to Cologne raced through thick clouds of fog and rain, inexorably pulling him further and further away from the site of the unresolved intermezzo. His heart and head were still there, and he felt empty.

It was certainly better for everyone involved, he kept telling himself, but everything inside him resisted this conclusion. He felt more and more that he had not only lost his unexpected gift of happiness in Mölln, but had reached a turning point in his life that went far beyond that. Although he felt sick as a dog, in about two hours he would embrace his eagerly awaiting Heike with a joyful smile, he would first have to tell her, they would go out for dinner in the evening to celebrate the day, and then their normal rhythm of life would resume. Day after day, week after week, he would have to suppress his longing for Jessi. He would call her, visit her and want to find a future with her, and he would not be allowed to reveal any of his thoughts. This inevitable phase that was just around the corner would force him to play an undignified, never-ending game of hide-and-seek to prevent his carefully constructed world from collapsing. The longer he thought about it, the more he felt unable to do so, because he could no longer get rid ofwhat had happened due to its great impact. From now on, everything would only be wrong if he continued to live as before, because his former goals in life no longer applied after he met this woman; she had fundamentally shifted the coordinates of his well-ordered life.

He first needed time to come to his senses.

xxx

The train had just arrived at Dortmund main station when he could no longer stay in his seat. He had to get out, grabbed his hand luggage and just managed to get out of the train before it continued its journey. The fresh air did him good, he could slowly see more clearly again and he wandered through the streets around the station in a light drizzle. Finally, he went back to the ticket counter in the station and bought a ticket to Mölln. He was lucky, in about 20 minutes, 11:42 a.m., there was another EC train to Hamburg HBf. The connecting train to Mölln left about an hour after arriving in Hamburg.

He arrived back in Mölln shortly before 5 p.m. and immediately made his way to her apartment. With a shaky hand, he pressed her doorbell and heard only the "hello" of her soft contralto voice from the intercom.

He took heart and said: "Here's Stefan, the biggest fool who ever loved you, who regrets that he lied to you like that and who wants to make everything right so that you can talk to him again." No answer, he waits. It cracks, she has hung up. He continues to wait, but doesn't ring again.

About 10 minutes later, she comes to the front door. He just stammers: "Thank you for opening the door, thank you!", and after apause: "I just want to talk to you again, it all happened so quickly, I don't know what to do, Jessi, please let's talk again, Jessi!"

She looks at his face seriously and emotionlessly. After a moment's thought, she says: "OK, but not here, we'd better go back to the bistro at the market. I'll get my things."

After the walk to the bistro, he slowly regained his composure and she asked him: "Do you have a place to stay tonight, Stefan?"

"Not yet, I'll call our conference hotel straight away. I'm sure there'll be something free after the end of the course." He got up to make a phone call at the front counter.

He then called his wife from there and told her he wouldn't be back until tomorrow. When she asked him anxiously why, he simply replied: "I can't say anything about that right now" and hung up.

Jessica had watched him during his two phone calls, but didn't ask. He suggested ordering something to eat first, then they could talk more calmly.

After the order, there was silence, which Stefan couldn't stand any longer and let him begin: "I was already in Dortmund, Jessi, when I realized that we can't part like this. I have to tell you everything that needs to be said right from the start, in full. Only then can you perhaps see a way in the end how we or I can move forward on our own.

My name is Stefan Bergner and, as I said yesterday, I am a civil servant at the Federal Ministry of Economics in Bonn. For the past six months, however, I have been preparing for a new role, namely as an economic attaché in a large German embassyabroad, which has brought me to Mölln. Here, in a secluded corner of the former zonal border area, the Federal Intelligence Service regularly organizes training courses for civil servants who are intended to work in an intelligence-related capacity. Because one of my future tasks as an economic attaché abroad is to gather and evaluate information, for example on research and development in the field of military technology in other countries. Of course, I'm not allowed to tell you more about my duties; I'm only mentioning this because this new task has unfortunately led me to lie to you. You were right to assume yesterday that I had become accustomed to manipulating people, which is what is required in the intelligence field. I've obviously gotten used to the world of pretending and deceiving so quickly that it's easy for me to slip into a different role unplanned and automatically, as I did last Tuesday. But I got into a game with you that very quickly became serious for me. After we were together on Wednesday, I realized what you meant to me and I had to tell you that the next day. And yesterday, on the drive home, I realized even more that I can't be without you.

As you correctly guessed, I've been married for nine years and live in Cologne. At the beginning of my marriage, I loved my wife. This bond diminished over time, but I thought that was normal. Nevertheless, I was never unfaithful to her. When I met you here, I experienced a kind of love that was completely different to the love I had known in my life so far. You'll probably think that I'm trying to use big words to get back into your arms quickly. But that's not what really matters to me. I want to win you completely as a woman one day. This is not feasible now, but only later, when you are still ready. The first thing I have to do is detach myself from my wife and family, which will take time. But that's what I want. If you're still there for me at theend, the path is clear for the two of us together. That's my new goal in life now and no longer systematically climbing the career ladder."

After a short pause to catch his breath, he continued: "I can't expect an answer from you now because I've more or less run you over. Nevertheless, it would be nice if you didn't leave it at yesterday's rebuff and we could talk to each other from time to time. Then you'll see that I'm not actually the unscrupulous liar that you inevitably thought I was after what you experienced."

Stefan had prepared this speech in his head on the train journey and had delivered it in a very rushed manner without thinking about it for long, because the most important thing for him was that she heard everything he wanted to tell her and didn't forget anything. He considered her to be the type of person who thinks about important events or statements for a long time anyway and doesn't forget them quickly. For now, he was grateful that she had listened to him with concentration and without interruption.

After a while, Jessica smiled thoughtfully and said: "You're really brave, and you've taken on quite a lot."

In the meantime, the food had arrived, which they first enjoyed without further words. She ate quickly and then immediately pushed the plate away: "I should tell you something about myself now, Stefan," she began, "not about my marriage that broke down three years ago, that's over, but about my Karsten, who you used as your alter ego. I was so happy when it turned out on Tuesday that it really was Karsten I was seeing again. I had never forgotten him and later reproached myself for letting him go. He was my first, great love. Karsten was so different from the empty shells I had met before, so serious, strong and determined. Later on, I never loved a man sostrongly again. On Tuesday, you immediately caught my eye because you could be a spitting image of him and you move in a similar way. I just thought it must be Karsten, now seven years older. You confirmed this and made it clear that the break-up had hurt you too. That's why I wanted to know who you are today, and I liked you that way too. Because you are also very similar to Karsten in your nature. But you were quite right with your argument that Karsten might have changed after seven years, possibly to his detriment, I don't know. And I certainly don't know how I would feel about him today if we were to meet again. All I can tell you now is that before I ever commit to a man again after my marriage experience, I would first have to clarify how I feel about the real Karsten. You should know that, Stefan, so that you don't go astray. And we should leave it at that for the time being."

Stefan realized that, in her superior manner, she had now said everything that was important and that he couldn't put any more strain on her. So he didn't prolong the conversation, thanked her for her honest words and ordered the bill. They said goodbye in the restaurant. He gave her a quick hug and then simply said: "I'll give you a call in about three months - if you want me to, Jessi."

She nodded hesitantly, but said nothing more. Stefan left the bistro, waved to her from outside through the window and made his way to the conference hotel. Jessica stayed in the bistro and ordered another red wine to get some distance from what she had just experienced. Because, as he had rightly put it, she felt a little run over by him.

xxx

He had calmed down when he arrived at the hotel and sat down at the bar for a glass of white wine. After a while, however, he became aware of the ticking clock inside him that he had just set in motion during his conversation with Jessica. Sleep will be out of the question, he thought, tomorrow at noon will be the moment of truth that I can no longer avoid. Shouldn't he avoid the huge pile of broken glass that was threatening three parts of his life if he broke out of it as he had announced? Could he get advice on this from somewhere before tomorrow? Because he wasn't at all sure.

xxx

It was Saturday morning around 11 a.m. and he was back on the Hamburg-Cologne EC. He was still amazed that he had slept so well. His subconscious had obviously taken control of his body and switched off his head due to overwork. It was also astonishing that he could still remember the strange, unprecedented dream he had had before waking up this morning.

He was standing in the small, ugly attic bedroom of his childhood home. He had his right arm around Jessica, who was snuggled up to him, and they both looked up in amazement at the high, gently curved ceiling in the dream. It was completely overgrown with blue wisteria, just like an outer wall of his rented house used to be. The attic was now much more spacious than it had been in reality, and a number of people were standing around them both, also staring upwards. For something strange could be seen there: The wisteria lianas entwined thick boulders and held them tightly clutched to the ceiling, so that no one was afraid they might fall down on them. Everyone was amazed by this natural spectacle and none of the people standing here from his family, serviceand his other circle of acquaintances were surprised by his new girlfriend. That was why he had been gripped by a grateful feeling of elation in his dream and had to keep looking up. It was only now, when he thought about it, that he realized the parallel between his dream image and his current life situation. In his dream, he had been in danger for himself and the people around him; they could all be hit hard. But the strong nature had formed a protection for them, so that they stayed and accepted him together with Jessica. If he was to interpret this as a signal from his subconscious, it probably meant that he should not be afraid of an extraordinary change and build on the new forces that would emerge.

xxx

Chapter 2

Seedorf, July 01, 1984

There he was again, her magnificent sea eagle.

She immediately put her book down next to her and stretched out comfortably on the towel to watch his flight for as long as possible. It majestically took its route from the north-east over the wooded shores of Lake Schaalsee, disappearing temporarily in the west and reappearing shortly afterwards to look for prey over the southern part of the lake. He probably had his eyrie in the east, in the GDR, because that's where she always saw him coming from and where he later disappeared to. It was nice that he always did her the honor of visiting her in the West. She firmly believed that he knew her by now. Because she often came to this bathing spot in Seedorf and her long blonde hair made her impossible for an eagle to miss. The only question was whether he was at all interested in a 19-year-old high school graduate. She had heard from her mother, a graduate biologist working for a Hamburg pharmaceutical company, that sea eagles, which could live up to 40 years, are faithful to their mate for life and also keep their eyrie. "Too bad Dad wasn't a sea eagle, we wouldn't have had to look for a new nest two years ago," she had remarked laconically at the time, which she immediately regretted when she saw the pained look on her mother's face. But the good thing about the "new nest", as she reminded herself now, was that she had discovered this lake and was no longer trapped in the big city.

On this warm Sunday in July, she had taken a bike ride to this natural paradise. What she enjoyed most here was the undisturbed peace and quiet and it had also made it easier for her to distance herself fromsome of the grief of recent years. She didn't want to dwell on her stream of thoughts today, which was slowly sinking back into sadness, and she picked up her novel.

After a while, she casually noticed that to her right, about 30 meters away, a young man was also standing on the lake shore with a towel. He showed no interest in his surroundings and immediately got ready for a swim. When she looked up from her book again after a while and glanced in his direction, there was no sign of him. It was only after a close inspection of the water far out in front of the bay that she was able to spot a swimmer, who continued to swim away with calm crawls until he finally disappeared in a bend to the right in a southerly direction towards the kitchen lake. She had never seen that here before, what was he up to? The swimmers usually never went far away from the Seedorf shore, if only because of the zonal border running across the Schaalsee, further south directly past the district of Groß Zecher.