Primadonna E-Book

Rosie Kellett

• Herausgeber: Nick Hern Books
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Serie: NHB Modern Plays
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 61

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

A one-woman play that lays bare the world of the celebrity PA as a young first-timer navigates impossible tasks, difficult conversations and fearsome passive aggression. Rosie Kellett's Primadonna was selected for the 2016 VAULT Festival, London. It is published in the volume Plays from VAULT.

Leseprobe

Rosie Kellett

PRIMADONNA

NICK HERN BOOKS

London

www.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents

Welcome to VAULT

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Original Production

Characters

Primadonna

About the Author

Copyright and Performing Rights Information

Welcome to VAULT

For six weeks in bleakest winter, VAULT Festival transforms the dark tunnels underneath Waterloo Station into a carnival of experiences, every nook and cranny filled with entertainment and around every corner an unexpected adventure. 

VAULT is a place to discuss, and a place to party: every night you can join hundreds of artists and explorers for gigs, parties and performances. Since 2012, we have hosted over 250 productions from Britain’s most exciting emerging artists.

We’re trying to reinvent the business model of the non-funded creative sector and make it sustainable for both the artist and the festival. We can’t offer luxury, but what we can give is space: to innovate, take risks and collaborate with each other without the huge financial burdens you’ll find across the Thames, and in big institutions.

We’re delighted to present this collection of new writing. Though not everything at VAULT starts (or even ends) with a script, we hope you’ll find these five plays to be a cross-section of the exciting new talent which courses through the Festival’s veins.

Andy George, Mat Burt, and Tim WilsonVAULT Festival Directors

For my family,and their unwavering support.

Acknowledgements

Huge thanks and love to Jamie Jackson for his endless dramaturgical support, without whom, I would be lost at sea.

Many thanks to the National Youth Theatre, God’s Own Junkyard, Tim Wilson, Mat Burt, Andy George, Charlie Weedon, Jake Ogden, Sian O’Gorman, Oliver Byng, Anna Piper, Craig Talbot, Alex Rand, Paul Spraggon, Phao May, Lauren Bevan, Ros Wyatt and James Vernon.

R.K.

Primadonna was first performed at VAULT Festival, London, on 17 February 2016, with the following cast:

ROSIE

Rosie Kellett

Director

Jamie Jackson

Producer

Desara Bosnja

Technical Manager and Operator

Remi Smith

Assistant Producer

Lily Staff

Characters

ROSIELUCYMARNICRESSYWRENADJENNIFER AT JOHN LEWIS CUSTOMER SERVICESMUMTIMMY

Note on Text

In the original production, all the characters were played by one actor. In future productions, other characters can be played by other actors if necessary.

The references to the original production (and director) can be adapted/taken out as needed.

Introduction

ROSIE is on stage building a bed, she has all the parts laid out, the instructions and tools. As the audience arrive, she assembles the bed as best she can, just before the show starts it should be finished apart from one leg which is missing. She searches for the missing leg until it’s time for the show to start.

The show will start with one leg still missing and the bed half-standing up. Adele’s rare songs/covers/B-sides are playing, not everyone should realise it’s Adele.

House lights go down, spotlight up on ROSIE who steps centre stage.

Music fades down.

ROSIE

Thanks Adele.

Hi

My name is Rosie

I have ginger hair.

It’s not real, although my dad is ginger and he was in Simply Red.

He’s not Mick Hucknall.

I have three siblings.

I am the least special.

Lola is the oldest.

Isla is the youngest.

And Jack is the only boy.

He’s also the only one of us that’s annually got away with giving us a photo of our dog for Christmas.

Until 2013 when we put our foot down.

Everything in this story is based on truth.

It all happened in mine or Jamie’s actual lives.

We have decided to change some of the names and places

But that was the only piece of advice my dad’s lawyer gave us

In exchange for a cheese-and-ham croissant

So, cheers Paul.

I go to the theatre at least once a week

And I hate myself for just saying that

But I also hate audience participation.

With a vicious passion.

So I want you to understand

If I ask for your help

It’s literally because I can’t tell the story on my own.

I’m telling it on my own because there isn’t enough

Rescue Remedy in the UK to get Jamie through a job interview

Let alone six shows at VAULT Festival

So, thanks.

1.

ROSIE

This might surprise you

But I was not in the popular group as a child

I know

This confident adult you see before you was not cool in school

I mean I don’t think it was my fault; there was a lot against me

My dad was in a band

And we lived in the ‘big house’

So naturally I was ‘the posh bitch’

In Year 7 there was a school trip to my village and our house was used as an example because of its historical relevance

And you know

All the boys spat on our front door.

I wasn’t allowed a Tamagotchi

So I made one out of cardboard

Which everybody laughed at

But, you know, joke’s on them

Because it’s still alive

In my imagination.

When everyone else was singing along to the Spice

Girls and celebrating girl power

I was listening to David Gray in the back of my dad’s car on the way to orchestra rehearsal.

We weren’t really allowed to watch TV

Unless it was our VHS copy of Little Women

So I never knew what was going on in Neighbours

And to this day I blame that for my inability to do an Australian accent.

Thanks Mum.

To add insult to injury

I was also a mini-version of my mother

I loved to make a list

Lists were my best friends, quite literally

I was super-organised and some might say bossy.

So in an effort to survive the rural state-school system

I became a pleaser and spent my childhood finding ways to fit in

Working out what my classmates were thinking

What they thought was cool

And just pretending I did too

I mean sure

I didn’t like Katy Perry and I still don’t

But I went to the Teenage Dreams tour with a smile on my face and bought a T-shirt for forty pounds

And although all that caused me a great deal of hassle and unhappiness at school;

My desire to please,

Organisational skills,

And knowledge of plant-based diets,

Has made me

The perfect PA.

2.

ROSIE

I met Lucy in a strange way

We live near each other

And went to a lot of the same places

I think I first recognised her in yoga

And then at the market

Then in a coffee shop

And it was just one of those things

Eventually we got talking

She told me she was a producer

I thought she was my age

Turns out she has a deceptively youthful appearance

But I think it was my bag or something

She was all like

‘Oh my god sorry but where is this from, I think my best friend Tabitha makes these’

And it turns out Tabitha had made my bag

Then we realised we go to all the same places

Have the same hairdresser

‘Oh no we love Ricardo, I’ve been seeing him since I was twelve’

And drink at the same pub