Quick Tales for Worn-out Parents E-Book

Michal Viewegh

• Herausgeber: WS
• Kategorie: Für Kinder und Jugendliche
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 73

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

"Quick Tales for Worn-out Parents" is a humorous and playful collection of stories featuring four-year-old Sarah, her two-year-old sister Barbara, but mainly focuses on mom and dad. Michal Viewegh offers original stories that reflect everyday situations that many parents face during evening reading or listening sessions with their children. Each tale can be listened to or read in less than ten minutes, which will be appreciated by all parents looking for a way to effortlessly put their children to bed after a long day. Quick Tales are full of irony, yet maintain a gentle humor that will delight both young listeners and parents alike. The book reflects modern lifestyles and relationships, making them lively and relevant. It's not short on surprise plots, but big on dramatic situations. 

Leseprobe

Quick Tales for

Worn-out Parents

By Michal Viewegh

Translated by Peter Kyleway

www.justgoodbook.com

Table of Content

1. Who is This Book About?

2. How Mommy and Daddy Met

3. How Mom and Dad Welcomed Barbara and Sarah

4. How Daddy Went Crazy

5. How to Welcome Mommy Home

6. Daddy and the Avalanche

7. How They Went on an Outing

(So Dad Could Get a Mental Break)

8. How Mommy Cooled Off

9. The Tale of Goldilocks and the Nasty Little Elf

10. The Best Dad in the World

11. Dad's Birthday

12. The Changed Daddy

13. Sarah and Barbara Write to Santa

14. Christmas in Prague

15. The Wedding Day

16. The Honeymoon that wasn’t

17. A Psychologically Important Story for Parents Only

About the author

Copyright

Dear Parents,

There are countless books for children in the world, but I dare say this one was written by someone who was thinking primarily of you. Many authors of fairy tales seem to smugly assume that a tired parent, after returning home from a full day of work, is eager to read a sixteen-page story to their children. This shows a complete lack of empathy, if not outright inconsideration.

I have three children. Trust me, I understand you.

I know well the desperation of a father whose child, ten minutes before the start of the Super Bowl final, chooses Andersen’s The Snow Queen. I fully understand the feelings of a mother who, exhausted in the evening, struggles through the endless sentences of Goldilocks, while her surprisingly alert child sternly monitors her to ensure she’s not “skipping anything.” (So why do our darlings want to read it when they already know it by heart?!) I’ve also often experienced the parental despair, even anger, over fairy tales that their child doesn’t understand, and the already lengthy reading is constantly interrupted by confused questions.

I even doubt whether the authors themselves understood what they wrote… How do you explain to a four-year-old that a fairy tale character, a witch, wants to bake a boy in the oven alive, while having a full house of yummy gingerbread ? (In my opinion, the brothers Grimm were either sadists or had a weak moment while writing.)

And do you really want your daughters to grow up thinking that a girl’s life is just about waiting for a prince or kissing frogs? And so on.

I tried to avoid such things.

All the stories in this book can be read in under ten minutes (I timed it). But most importantly, I tried to write them in a way that you wouldn’t be bored; all the text written in blue italics (like this foreword) is meant exclusively for you, and you can simply skip it when reading to your children.

Yours,Michal Viewegh

1. Who is This Book About?

This book is about a four-year-old girl named Sarah and her two-year-old sister, Barbara, but mostly about their mom and dad.

Mom's name is Helen, and she’s a pharmacist—that means she sells medicine in a pharmacy. Mommy doesn’t take much medicine herself, only herbal remedies like chamomile or lemon balm. She loves nature and some foreign countries, especially Italy. Once, long ago, mommy was there looking after the children of an Italian mommy who was very busy and had little time. But Mommy also loves Brazil, China, Norway, New Zealand, and about thirty other countries she’s never been to but would like to visit someday.

Once, when Mom was a bit tipsy, she told Dad that traveling might be better than sex. She later claimed she was joking, but it still upset Dad, and he occasionally sarcastically reminded her of that careless remark.

“Well,” he’d sometimes say after making love, “that was probably more like a short charter flight than a long haul, huh?”

Mommy also loves flying, driving, and train rides. A long time ago, before she knew Daddy, she even rode an elephant! She showed Sarah and Barb the photos.

“What a dummy,” Dad commented on the exotic pictures. “At least, that’s what he looks like.”

“That’s an elephant!” Sarah laughed, but Dad said he was talking about the guy sitting on the elephant right behind Mom.

Sarah and Barbara’s daddy is a fairly well-known actor. He acts in a theater. His photo often appears in newspapers and magazines because, in addition to theater, he also stars in two TV series.

“Look, Daddy! Ours!” Barb shouts every time she finds Daddy’s photo in a newspaper or magazine.

Sometimes, when Barbara, Sarah, Mommy, and Daddy go for a walk, some people, especially young ladies, stop Dad and ask to take a picture with him. Mom always takes the picture with a smile but mumbles something under her breath and refuses to tell Sarah what it is. (“Drop dead, witch!”)

Sarah and Barbara with Mommy and Daddy live in Prague, in a new attic apartment in the exclusive Smíchov quarter. Mom and Dad got the apartment by luck—whenever Dad tells someone this story, he always smiles knowingly. Mom, however, claims they got the apartment because the landlady watches both TV series Dad stars in.Mom fell in love with the new apartment right away: she especially loves the skylights, through which you can see planes, the sky, clouds, the moon, the sun, and the stars. There are five skylights, but Mommy always thinks it’s not enough. She says if it were possible, she’d remove the roof altogether and replace it with one giant skylight.

This book is also about Grandma, but just a little bit. Sarah and Barbara only have one Grandma left, so—as Mommy says—they should appreciate her a lot. Grandma is Daddy’s mom. In the summer, she lives in a cottage by the river Berounka, where she often grills meat from Mr. Shimek, the butcher. But every September, she moves back to Prague because all the theaters, especially the one where Daddy performs, start playing again. And because the cottage is too cold. Grandma loves Sarah and Barb very much, but she’s a little absent-minded and sometimes forgets to pick up Sarah from preschool, so the teacher has to bring her to Mommy. The teacher is Mom’s friend, and Mummy provides her with medicine, so it doesn’t bother her to bring Sarah back home. Mom always pours her a glass of Cabernet.

The other grandma and Grandpa Emil died in a car accident. Mommy was just under twenty at the time and cried almost all the time. Daddy’s father, Grandpa Peter, died last year because he had a tumor in his belly, just like the tiger in the Prague Zoo that Mom read to Sarah about. Daddy cried too, but Mommy explained to Sarah that even men are allowed to cry when they love someone a lot, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But this book won’t be about the other Grandma and both Grandpas, so it doesn’t get too sad because there are already enough sad books out there.

2. How Mommy and Daddy Met

Mommy and Daddy met seven years ago, and it happened like this:

Mommy’s best friend invited her to a play where Daddy was performing as a knight, specifically a musketeer. He wore a big hat, carried a strange sword, and had on a white shirt with missing buttons, so it couldn’t be fastened. That’s what Mommy’s best friend liked about him. She told Mommy that Daddy was “so cute,” meaning she thought he was handsome and adorable. But at first, Mommy didn’t find Daddy very appealing and even told her best friend that she thought he seemed "slimy," meaning he might be handsome, but he was also annoying.

After the play ended, most of the audience left for home, but Mommy and her best friend stayed in the theater café because her friend was really thirsty and needed a drink of water and wine. Soon after, Daddy walked by, already changed into his regular clothes. Mommy’s best friend smiled at him and asked if he was thirsty after all that sword-fighting and running around. Daddy smiled back and said he was actually very thirsty—terribly so. So, he sat down with Mommy and her best friend, drank an entire pitcher of wine in one go, and immediately ordered another.