You & Me E-Book

Alina Bachmann

• Herausgeber: BoD - Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 135

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

Grace thought she'd never get over her ex-boyfriend. Blindsided by a sudden breakup, she is stuck in a spiral of heartbreak until her friends Chloe and Jack drag her to one of their infamous parties. Grace expects a night full of awkwardness and cheap drinks but what she didn't expect was him; a not-so-strange stranger who turns everything upside down. What starts as a quick and spontaneous encounter becomes one unforgettable night filled with honest conversations, hidden fears, and quite moments that change everything. A story about a boy, a girl, and a night that reminds them how beautiful the small things in life can be.

Leseprobe

For Kilian,

who always supports me. I couldn’t imagine a better Boyfrench than you.

Table of Contents

Train Station

No excuses

The beginning (of the night)

Inside

Outside

5 second rule

Until dawn shall us part

Just a night like this

On the way

Goodbyes are never easy nor good

Train Station

Iglanced at the clock at the train station, which showed 11 o'clock. It was about time for my train to arrive, but the trains in Germany weren't the most reliable when it came to being on time. I knew that. Everyone knew that. Even Deutsche Bahn probably knew that. But especially today, I really wanted my train to be on time because all I wanted to do was go home. Home to my apartment. The only place where I could feel safe right now.

The sky was gray, and the clouds looked dark like it was about to rain, which didn't help my mood at all. I was already feeling pretty unwell, and looking outside felt like even the weather was mocking me. The sky could cry, but I couldn't. Even though that was all I wanted to do in that moment. It was what everyone probably would want to do if they had just been ditched by their boyfriend of two and a half years. But right now, I just felt empty. I needed to hold back the tears for just a little while longer, no matter how desperately I wanted to let it all out. I really wanted to cry, and I knew I would, as soon as I arrived at home. But at the same time, I didn’t want to cry at a public train station. I didn’t want to cry in public at all. What would all these strangers think of me? Even though they were just people passing by, I disliked the idea of them noticing me. I liked being invisible, and being invisible was best achieved by not showing any emotions in public. That’s how society worked. Survival of the fittest. And it made sense not to give in to my feelings, just like everyone else seemed to do once they got older. Damn. I couldn’t wait to grow up, but nobody warned me how horrible it would actually be.

Finally, my train arrived. About time. I pushed my way through the crowd and boarded, along with all the other people starting their exciting journey from Cologne to Bonn. A journey that was supposed to take around 30 minutes, in theory. Unfortunately, the connection between the two major cities wasn’t as good in reality as it was on paper, since there were always construction works on the tracks. And even if there weren’t any, the trains were still late for some reason.

Maybe it was just part of the experience that the train ride would always take a bit longer than expected, but at least you’d have a nice view and could focus on other things, unlike driving a car. I could just let myself go and drift off in my thoughts, which was great. Just not today. Today, my thoughts were deadly.

It took a lot of effort not to start crying during my ride home. Usually, the train ride felt way faster than it was since I loved taking trains. During my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I always carried at least one or two books to read during the ride, which made time fly by even faster. But today, every second felt like an eternity. I wasn’t prepared for my relationship to end when, in my eyes, everything had been perfectly fine. I didn’t see the end coming. I didn’t expect it. I was just trying to give my ex-boyfriend the space he asked for – without him actually asking for it. I was trying to be there for him in a way that felt odd to me, but I thought it was what was best for him. I just wanted the best for him, and obviously, that was me.

I just wanted us to work out so badly. I never expected him to be the one to break things off. I didn’t want this. I loved him more than anything in this world, and I was sure he was the one I wanted to marry in the future. When he talked about our future, he had never really mentioned marriage, so maybe he knew longer than I did that things between us would eventually end. Either way, he had never told me until today.

I couldn’t even say what hurt the most: the fact that things between us were over, or the fact that he had never really included me in his future plans. When I talked about moving in together and having multiple chickens all named Kevin, he always went silent.

However, back then, I didn’t think it was odd. He never liked to plan too many things at once – he claimed it stressed him out, and I believed him. So, I took his silence as a compliment. He could’ve disagreed with me, but he didn’t. I thought it was his very own special way of showing me that he loved me and our future together. I thought he was fine with me doing the planning for the both of us. Now I knew better. Just because he didn’t disagree with me didn’t automatically mean he agreed either. Maybe I had always loved him a bit more than he had loved me. If he had loved me at all.

I gulped. Everything would be okay. I just needed to wait a few more minutes and I’d be home. Then I could fall apart. Just a few more minutes. I needed to be strong. I could do this. Just like my ex-boyfriend could end our relationship. It would be that easy.

I took another deep breath, fighting the tears that were already forming in my eyes, ready to roll down my cheeks. Soon. I told myself.

The train arrived at the central station in Bonn, and I jumped off, heading toward the next bus that would bring me to my well-deserved home. Luckily, it wouldn’t take me long to get there. The bus came every five minutes, so even if I had to wait a bit, it wouldn’t be long. Plus, the bus was a tiny bit more reliable than the train, so nothing would prevent me from getting home soon. I was almost there.

As far as I could tell, I had just missed my bus. That was fine. Five minutes of waiting wouldn’t kill me. Still, it hurt because it felt like nothing had worked out that day. As if a higher power wanted to mock me. Maybe it was just a bad day. Maybe life just hated me.

And then, all of a sudden, some other feeling filled me. There was anger. There was rage.

Why couldn’t he have had the decency to break up with me in Bonn? Why did he make me come all the way to his apartment in Cologne to dump me? Did he even love me at all? Why did he let me leave him alone for the last month so he could study, when in the end, he knew he wanted to break up with me anyway?

Was he lying when he claimed he missed me? Why could he meet his friends at a bar but didn’t want to meet me during his last exam phase? And more importantly, why did I let him treat me like this? Why didn’t I end things earlier if I was unhappy with him keeping his distance from me? Why did I want to fight for something that was obviously not worth saving?

At least not to him.

Now all of my sadness had turned into anger. I was fine with that. At least for now. Anything was better than crying right now. Did he even deserve my tears?

The bus ride felt like a pretty bad movie. The outside world rushed past me way too fast for my mind to comprehend what was going on in this world, like a movie played at double speed. Eventually, I made it home.

What a day. What a godforsaken shit show this was, called my life. But now, I didn’t have to pretend things were fine anymore. Now I could just enjoy the silence at home and do whatever I wanted.

When I entered my one-bedroom apartment, I finally broke down and couldn’t do anything except lie on my fluffy carpet – the first thing I had bought after I signed the rental contract, long before I bought any other piece of furniture – and stared at the ceiling.

Fort he rest of my day, I would just exist. I would lie there and breathe. That would be the maximum anybody could expect from me. There were no emotions left inside of me, just a big dark cloud of nothing around my heart that felt like it was about to swallow every feeling that dared to come too close. Nothing more.

And nobody could stop me from doing nothing. I felt like nothing. Nothing worth saving. Nothing worth holding on to. Nothing worth loving.

Tomorrow, I would have to tell my friends about the end of my relationship. I would have to deal with their pity and their kind words telling me I deserved better anyway.

I already dreaded talking to anyone because I knew my friends would only try to cheer me up, but that’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want people to tell me they didn’t like him anyway. I didn’t want people to talk down on him because, no matter how shitty he had behaved today, there was still a huge part of me that loved him. And this part wouldn’t vanish just because we were over.

It wouldn’t simply go away today. It wouldn’t go away overnight either. And it surely wouldn’t be gone tomorrow. But tomorrow, my life would go on. I had to keep going. A breakup wasn’t the end of the world. But today, I could be sad, and nobody could stop me from feeling that way. Not today.

No excuses

“Are you coming to my party tomorrow?” my best friend Chloe asked as we walked through the main building of our university.

The university in Bonn used to be a real castle, and especially this part of the faculty – next to the Hofgarten – looked really pretty. Apparently, the castle was turned into a university under the reign of Friedrich Wilhelm III in 1818, which is why it was also known as Friedrich Wilhelms University. But I bet if you asked the students here where the university got its name from, most of them probably wouldn’t know.

Who even cared about old Prussian kings?

“Most likely not,” I answered honestly, adding a shy smile.

I wasn’t in the mood to party at all, and I wasn’t sure if drinking alcohol was a good idea when my mental health was hanging by a thread after the breakup. Let’s just say, life wasn’t going as well as I wanted it to. As much as I tried to pretend everything was fine, I could still feel the emptiness my ex-boyfriend had left behind the day he ended things between us.

“You can’t hide in your room forever,” she said seriously. Wrinkles formed on her forehead, and her eyebrows were slightly raised.

“I know. But I just need to hide for a little bit longer,” I tried to explain my train of thought.

I wasn’t planning on hiding in there forever – just long enough for the pain to stop controlling my life.

And maybe that would take some more time.

Healing was a process, not something that could be done in a few weeks. Who could judge me for that? Relationships didn’t have an expiration date.

Some people got over it easier than others.

My ex-boyfriend, for example, seemed to move on pretty easily. Unfortunately, I had to realize that I wasn’t like him. I had always known I got too attached to people from my past – there was a reason I was still friends with all the people I’d crushed on during school. If someone had once been important to me, they’d always remain relevant. A part of me, no matter how tiny, would always care.

“No!” she said firmly and suddenly stopped walking.

I looked at her, confused, waiting to see if she would continue or if that was it.

“I will not let you hide in your room any longer. Jack and I are sick and tired of you ditching us all the time. We get it, you’re not doing well – but it won’t get better if you keep making excuses to avoid distractions. It’s like you choose to be sad about the breakup when it could be so easy for you to be happy again. We’re seriously worried about you,” Chloe ranted.

I was actually speechless.

Of all the things she said, what surprised me most was the fact that my two closest friends were genuinely worried about me. I know it shouldn’t have been surprising – people who care about you should be worried – but I hadn’t even realized my current state of mind was concerning. I thought it was normal to become a bit of a loner after a sudden breakup.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. And I really meant it.

“It’s been over three months since your idiot ex-boyfriend broke up with you. And even though you don’t see it – and I know you don’t want to hear it – you deserve so much more than someone who couldn’t even bother to come to your place to dump you. And tomorrow, you are coming to my party. Otherwise, I don’t know what else I can do to cheer you up.”

“What if I drag down the mood?” I asked, thinking about all the times I had cried uncontrollably after drinking too much.

I didn’t want to ruin the party for anyone. And even though no one had ever said anything directly, there was a reason a lot of my friends were suddenly too busy to spend New Year’s Eve with me every year.

“You would never drag the mood down – even if you cried. It’s a healthy thing to do. Maybe you should cry. Who the fuck cares, anyway? I bet you wouldn’t even be the only one.”

I just nodded and opened the door to the lecture hall. I knew there was no point arguing with her – once she had made up her mind, there was no way changing it.

Jack was already in the room, sitting in the last row as usual. When he saw us, he quickly waved and moved his bags from the seats next to him so we could join him.

Jack was Chloe's and my best friend. We met him during the first week of university, when he looked a little lost, and we decided to adopt him into our friend group. We quickly became inseparable. Now we saw each other daily during lectures and seminars, and if we didn’t see each other at university, we hung out at least once a week.

Chloe, on the other hand, I had known for almost my entire life. We grew up in the same neighborhood, and one day, the kids I was friends with introduced me to her. We immediately became inseparable. It was love at first sight but with friends, if that makes any sense.

I’d say I had good instincts about people. I was pretty decent at recognizing who would make a great friend and who wouldn’t. Trust is a valuable gift in today’s world, and like everyone our age, I had experienced disappointment and betrayal. So I chose my friends carefully. That meant I didn’t have many but the ones I had, I would take a bullet for.

“Did you already tell her?” Jack asked as a greeting, giving Chloe a knowing look.

“Yes. I guess I’ll go out tomorrow,” I sighed, taking the seat next to him.

As I said, there was no way to argue with Chloe and maybe, deep down, I knew she was right.

“It’s about time you leave your room for something other than uni and work. We’re so proud of you,” Jack said with a smile.